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Thread: How to attract ESFp women

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    Default How to attract ESFp women

    What advice is out there? For example: being honest but not offensive?

    I know this is a dumb*** thread, but what the heck.
    "Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure, than to take rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in the gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat."
    --Theodore Roosevelt

    "Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."
    -- Mark Twain

    "Man who stand on hill with mouth open will wait long time for roast duck to drop in."
    -- Confucius

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    They are everywhere, being the majority of women; just capture their attention by looking good and smiling; they are easily conversive and catch them looking at objects around them consistently.

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    Well, the victim's supposed natural approach to romance is to be elusive and effectively lure in people they're attracted to.
    3w4-5w6-9w8

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    You don't find them. They find you.
    “No psychologist should pretend to understand what he does not understand... Only fools and charlatans know everything and understand nothing.” -Anton Chekhov

    http://kevan.org/johari?name=Bardia0
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    Quote Originally Posted by Maritsa33 View Post
    They are everywhere, being the majority of women; just capture their attention by looking good and smiling; they are easily conversive and catch them looking at objects around them consistently.
    HUH?
    Te-INTp/ILI, my wife: Fi-ISFj/ESI, with laser beam death rays for ESTp/SLEs, lol
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    when you see the booty Galen's Avatar
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    Hide shiny things like jewelry all over your clothes. Se/Ni cannot resist shinies.
    "And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don't believe in magic will never find it." -Roald Dahl

    http://forum.socionix.com/
    It's pretty cool

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    Quote Originally Posted by Maritsa33 View Post
    They are everywhere, being the majority of women; just capture their attention by looking good and smiling; they are easily conversive and catch them looking at objects around them consistently.
    to you they are the majority of women because that's what you mistype them as.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Azeroffs View Post
    Well, the victim's supposed natural approach to romance is to be elusive and effectively lure in people they're attracted to.
    Can you explain this a bit more?
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    Quote Originally Posted by WorkaholicsAnon View Post
    Can you explain this a bit more?
    I have the idea that Ni types tend to set things up for people to come to them. Essentially they do everything without ever actually doing anything if that makes any sense. A good analogy would be that they set up the dominoes for Se types to knock down. Ni types secretly take control over situations without ever letting you know, and they're sneaky and a bit manipulative in that way. Maybe that's more the case for ENxjs who take a more active approach. They say and do the right things to make it seem like it was your decision when in reality it was them pulling your strings. I think it's more innocent than I made it sound, though. Ni-types just have strong insights into how what they do will affect the way things go, and they know the subtle buttons to push.
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    Quote Originally Posted by WorkaholicsAnon View Post
    Can you explain this a bit more?
    I will give my experience w/it. I see a powerful/social horse person champing at the bit (ESFP-Se) or a kitten/puppy person smiling and sharing their enjoyment of life with people around them (ESFP-Fi).

    I pull the movie/model/insightful scientist/autistic pose and look into the ether or the distance as if I've had my attention caught by something.

    They are irrational first, like ILIs, so acting like you're getting informational input and have your attention fixated on something is intriguing.

    also allowing yourself the freedom to ignore the discomfiting Fe and Si restraints of some social dealies seems good. Id est, I don't let my non-group-oriented self get rigid nor keep my eyes down in crowds/groups of people like I used to. I don't force myself to keep from moving around my physical body or my eyes just because I'm having a conversation with a friend/date. If the person seems to need reassurance, I just say with a nod, I'm listening to you. I then ask an insightful question or rephrase what they said to further reassure them, and I can be me and just go with the flow, picking up the ivory elephants on the desk or gazing at the light flickering off the ceiling , etc.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bardia View Post
    You don't find them. They find you.
    Exactly. You cant attract an ESFp they have to be attracted to you for their own reasons, and then feel like theyre making the move. Letting them come to you first is all you can do.

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    Quote Originally Posted by nanashi View Post
    I will give my experience w/it. I see a powerful/social horse person champing at the bit (ESFP-Se) or a kitten/puppy person smiling and sharing their enjoyment of life with people around them (ESFP-Fi).

    I pull the movie/model/insightful scientist/autistic pose and look into the ether or the distance as if I've had my attention caught by something.

    They are irrational first, like ILIs, so acting like you're getting informational input and have your attention fixated on something is intriguing.

    also allowing yourself the freedom to ignore the discomfiting Fe and Si restraints of some social dealies seems good. Id est, I don't let my non-group-oriented self get rigid nor keep my eyes down in crowds/groups of people like I used to. I don't force myself to keep from moving around my physical body or my eyes just because I'm having a conversation with a friend/date. If the person seems to need reassurance, I just say with a nod, I'm listening to you. I then ask an insightful question or rephrase what they said to further reassure them, and I can be me and just go with the flow, picking up the ivory elephants on the desk or gazing at the light flickering off the ceiling , etc.
    so then, how does the ESFp react to this?
    Enneagram: 9w1 6w5 2w3 so/sx

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    Quote Originally Posted by Galen View Post
    Hide shiny things like jewelry all over your clothes. Se/Ni cannot resist shinies.
    LOL, btw!
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    take a second of me sarinana's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Maritsa33 View Post
    They are everywhere, being the majority of women; just capture their attention by looking good and smiling; they are easily conversive and catch them looking at objects around them consistently.
    You are fucking dumb. According to Augusta's research there is similar number of every ethical type in women. smaller numbers are of logical.
    Sincerely Yours,

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    Quote Originally Posted by sarinana View Post
    You are fucking dumb. According to Augusta's research there is similar number of every ethical type in women. smaller numbers are of logical.
    according to either mbti or keirsey, I forgot, the majority of women are ESFJ.
    Men were ISTJ and ESTJ at numbers 1 and 2.

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    Quote Originally Posted by sarinana View Post
    You are fucking dumb. According to Augusta's research there is similar number of every ethical type in women. smaller numbers are of logical.
    She's still quoting Rod Novichkov. I tell you, that guy has a powerful rod for convincing.

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    Quote Originally Posted by sarinana View Post
    You are fucking dumb. According to Augusta's research there is similar number of every ethical type in women. smaller numbers are of logical.

    If someone has an opinion which doesn't match reality, they are dumb? So we are stupid if we do not know everything?

    I don't know that the 60-40, F-T deal accurately represents the female pop anyway, since people often report what they think will make them look better, and some females are trained that women SHOULD be nurturing and social (with some men being trained to do the opposite). This could account for the difference reported, so we could actually have a 50-50....
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    Quote Originally Posted by nanashi View Post
    If someone has an opinion which doesn't match reality, they are dumb? So we are stupid if we do not know everything?
    its just that maritsa posts are sometimes so abrurd they make you wanna rip your hair out. Im not the only one who experiences this, and neither is Sandra.

    Stop defending someone whos posts(including the one in question) have proven to be immature and nonsensical by so many of us on this forum.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jarno View Post
    according to either mbti or keirsey, I forgot, the majority of women are ESFJ.
    Men were ISTJ and ESTJ at numbers 1 and 2.
    Was a it a majority(>50%) of women, or just that the highest percentage of women were ESFJ?

    Rod's book actually stated that a majority of women were ESFp.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Azeroffs View Post
    Was a it a majority(>50%) of women, or just that the highest percentage of women were ESFJ?

    Rod's book actually stated that a majority of women were ESFp.
    LOL well that would explain why Maritsa was typing everyone and their mother SEE here, and fighting tooth and nail to rationalize it!
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    Well, I believe that watching out for people who are already attracted to oneself is good advice; I already follow it.

    I know that being aggressively Ti is offensive to Fi types. Maybe I should learn how and when to tone down my Ti (?).
    "Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure, than to take rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in the gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat."
    --Theodore Roosevelt

    "Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."
    -- Mark Twain

    "Man who stand on hill with mouth open will wait long time for roast duck to drop in."
    -- Confucius

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jimbean View Post
    Well, I believe that watching out for people who are already attracted to oneself is good advice; I already follow it.

    I know that being aggressively Ti is offensive to Fi types. Maybe I should learn how and when to tone down my Ti (?).
    How are you "aggressively Ti?" What does that mean?

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    Quote Originally Posted by squark View Post
    How are you "aggressively Ti?" What does that mean?
    By having a strong sense of reality and uncompromising with my Ti function. This causes me to ignore aspect of Fi (evaluation) in my dealings with people, without me being entirely aware of it.
    "Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure, than to take rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in the gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat."
    --Theodore Roosevelt

    "Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."
    -- Mark Twain

    "Man who stand on hill with mouth open will wait long time for roast duck to drop in."
    -- Confucius

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    keep it white and nerdy

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    Quote Originally Posted by WorkaholicsAnon View Post
    LOL well that would explain why Maritsa was typing everyone and their mother SEE here, and fighting tooth and nail to rationalize it!
    Bingo.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Typhon View Post
    its just that maritsa posts are sometimes so abrurd they make you wanna rip your hair out. Im not the only one who experiences this, and neither is Sandra.
    I can understand that. If anything, one would think my Ni and Te and Se-valuing mind would pick up on whether there is an identifiable, real-world basis for a theory like what she's putting out. Just because I can see the way something is wrong doesn't mean I'm going to tell someone they're stupid. Would you tell a pupil they were stupid? Would you tell your husband he's stupid? Would you tell anyone? What's the point? If you don't like someone's behavior, make it easier for them to change by not insulting them (A) and also explain in some way they can understand why they are incorrect.

    Quote Originally Posted by Typhon View Post

    Stop defending someone whos posts(including the one in question) have proven to be immature and nonsensical by so many of us on this forum.
    Hah! I think I'll defend whomever I please. total vs. clash verbally there....my ENTP bestbuddy just throws out dictates like that, too. Lol.

    Quote Originally Posted by WorkaholicsAnon View Post
    so then, how does the ESFp react to this?
    It's one of the more unique occurrences in the room, and they are Ni-seeking, so they glance over or approach, etc. They sometimes get quiet and pay attention, make contact with me.
    ENTj-Ni sx/so

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    Quote Originally Posted by nanashi View Post
    If someone has an opinion which doesn't match reality, they are dumb? So we are stupid if we do not know everything?
    Well, someone who reads that the majority of women are SEE in some lunatic's book, and still believes it after all these years, they are a candidate for an obvious mental disorder when it comes to interpreting this certain field of psychology. Not speaking for everyone... maybe just that one person who keeps proving it :/ If you're more tired of the people picking on maritsa, than you are her speaking her mind, then there might be something else wrong with all of us.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Typhon View Post
    its just that maritsa posts are sometimes so abrurd they make you wanna rip your hair out. Im not the only one who experiences this, and neither is Sandra.

    Stop defending someone whos posts(including the one in question) have proven to be immature and nonsensical by so many of us on this forum.
    Quote Originally Posted by polikujm View Post
    Well, someone who reads that the majority of women are SEE in some lunatic's book, and still believes it after all these years, they are a candidate for an obvious mental disorder when it comes to interpreting this certain field of psychology. Not speaking for everyone... maybe just that one person who keeps proving it :/ If you're more tired of the people picking on maritsa, than you are her speaking her mind, then there might be something else wrong with all of us.

    I don't think nanashi is defending maritsa as much as she is criticizing sari's response. Clearly sari's response was uncalled for and not okay. In the near future the mod team is going to be cracking down on this kind of stuff by taking a more active approach.
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    Quote Originally Posted by sarinana View Post
    According to Augusta's research there is similar number of every ethical type in women. smaller numbers are of logical.
    Pretty much
    Types being more common/uncommon is almost impossible to prove anyways, as that would require a constant international consensus and *even* than there is still the matter of disagreeing with said typings and who is the "authority" in judging the accuracy in the first place.
    Even in Augustus's research, her data on this is really nothing more than theory based on personal observation. Anyone of us can do the same and all it would indicate is our individual perception of the people in our environment.
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    six turnin', four burnin' stevENTj's Avatar
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    Been a long time since I read any stats on breakdowns by type, but from what I remember there was pretty much an even distribution of all types. A slight cultural bias towards T for males and F for females. Oh wait, wasn't there a pretty heavy bias of sensory types over intuitive? Like 75% to 25% or something? That's the only clear distinction I remember.

    Anyways if SEEs were really the majority of women, the very best type of guy to be would be an ILI, and I ought to have had ladies flocking all over me. ILIs aren't particularly sociable people, but in reality I've known very few SEEs. Hardly a majority, and probably pretty much evenly distributed with every other type.

    If you want to "attract" SEEs, be an ILI. Show a lot of and . Except with that initial duality 'push-away' thing maybe you actually end up repelling them. LOL. I know that's been the case with me. One confirmed case, and just realized there might be one or two more cases with me too. "Attraction", maybe be an LIE (activity).
    Te-INTp/ILI, my wife: Fi-ISFj/ESI, with laser beam death rays for ESTp/SLEs, lol
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    Okay, so in other words, be your 100% and wait for them to approach you?

    I like the idea of approaching women better! I always thought that was the manly thing to do, but these are people, and I'll try to keep an open mind. This is not an intelligent topic on my part anyway.
    "Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure, than to take rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in the gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat."
    --Theodore Roosevelt

    "Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."
    -- Mark Twain

    "Man who stand on hill with mouth open will wait long time for roast duck to drop in."
    -- Confucius

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    six turnin', four burnin' stevENTj's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jimbean View Post
    Okay, so in other words, be your 100% and wait for them to approach you?

    I like the idea of approaching women better! I always thought that was the manly thing to do, but these are people, and I'll try to keep an open mind. This is not an intelligent topic on my part anyway.
    Not exactly what I meant, but sort of close.

    The pattern I've noticed is that for SEE/SLE males, if they see something they want they'll just go and get it. It's the nature of the type and it's also in accordance with societal gender roles and expectations. For females, the approach seems to be a bit different in that they'll let it be known to you that they're 'interested', but then leave it up to you to follow through, in accordance with the same societal and gender roles. I think this is also true of other 'aggressor' type females. The way my wife and I first started dating is that she let a friend of mine know that she was interested and told him to tell me that I should ask her out. This is what I've observed. An experience earlier in the year with an SEE female friend of mine followed a similar pattern.
    Te-INTp/ILI, my wife: Fi-ISFj/ESI, with laser beam death rays for ESTp/SLEs, lol
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    Quote Originally Posted by stevENTj View Post
    Not exactly what I meant, but sort of close.

    The pattern I've noticed is that for SEE/SLE males, if they see something they want they'll just go and get it. It's the nature of the type and it's also in accordance with societal gender roles and expectations. For females, the approach seems to be a bit different in that they'll let it be known to you that they're 'interested', but then leave it up to you to follow through, in accordance with the same societal and gender roles. I think this is also true of other 'aggressor' type females. The way my wife and I first started dating is that she let a friend of mine know that she was interested and told him to tell me that I should ask her out. This is what I've observed. An experience earlier in the year with an SEE female friend of mine followed a similar pattern.
    Thanks
    "Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure, than to take rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in the gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat."
    --Theodore Roosevelt

    "Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."
    -- Mark Twain

    "Man who stand on hill with mouth open will wait long time for roast duck to drop in."
    -- Confucius

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    Quote Originally Posted by stevENTj View Post
    Not exactly what I meant, but sort of close.

    The pattern I've noticed is that for SEE/SLE males, if they see something they want they'll just go and get it. It's the nature of the type and it's also in accordance with societal gender roles and expectations. For females, the approach seems to be a bit different in that they'll let it be known to you that they're 'interested', but then leave it up to you to follow through, in accordance with the same societal and gender roles. I think this is also true of other 'aggressor' type females. The way my wife and I first started dating is that she let a friend of mine know that she was interested and told him to tell me that I should ask her out. This is what I've observed. An experience earlier in the year with an SEE female friend of mine followed a similar pattern.
    That sounds correct, going from the SEEs I know. My sister & many of my friends are SEE types and they'll let a guy know they are interested, but somewhat indirectly.

    My experience with SEE men is that they just go after whoever interests them without much hesitation. My ex bf was SEE, but he did not hold my interest. IDK if I'm ILI if they are supposed to be my dual.... I can't see myself with someone like that long term.
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    Quote Originally Posted by stevENTj View Post
    Not exactly what I meant, but sort of close.

    The pattern I've noticed is that for SEE/SLE males, if they see something they want they'll just go and get it. It's the nature of the type and it's also in accordance with societal gender roles and expectations. For females, the approach seems to be a bit different in that they'll let it be known to you that they're 'interested', but then leave it up to you to follow through, in accordance with the same societal and gender roles. I think this is also true of other 'aggressor' type females. The way my wife and I first started dating is that she let a friend of mine know that she was interested and told him to tell me that I should ask her out. This is what I've observed. An experience earlier in the year with an SEE female friend of mine followed a similar pattern.
    I wonder if emphasis affects the dynamic? I'm a tall, independent INTP with Te emphasis. The guys I'm with don't always go through the stale song-and-dance (low ) of sending my father a cow or purchasing ethanol and giving it to me. There is mutual signaling of attraction and significant checking out, but I am sometimes making the first move, and I'd find it creepy and controlling of society (Fe) and bigoted and anti-Fi if I was never to make a move. Oh, doesn't the T supposedly firm up the plans? That would make sense why I do, then. In typical ILI-fashion, I don't make a move (usually) unless I have convincing evidence for reciprocity.
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    Quote Originally Posted by stevENTj View Post
    Not exactly what I meant, but sort of close.

    The pattern I've noticed is that for SEE/SLE males, if they see something they want they'll just go and get it. It's the nature of the type and it's also in accordance with societal gender roles and expectations. For females, the approach seems to be a bit different in that they'll let it be known to you that they're 'interested', but then leave it up to you to follow through, in accordance with the same societal and gender roles. I think this is also true of other 'aggressor' type females. The way my wife and I first started dating is that she let a friend of mine know that she was interested and told him to tell me that I should ask her out. This is what I've observed. An experience earlier in the year with an SEE female friend of mine followed a similar pattern.
    Yes this does seem right. But being assertive would disrupt the balance, would it not? Cool calm and collected becomes nervous and forgetful, thereby deflecting your dual.

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    when you see the booty Galen's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nanashi View Post
    I wonder if emphasis affects the dynamic? I'm a tall, independent INTP with Te emphasis. The guys I'm with don't always go through the stale song-and-dance (low ) of sending my father a cow or purchasing ethanol and giving it to me. There is mutual signaling of attraction and significant checking out, but I am sometimes making the first move, and I'd find it creepy and controlling of society (Fe) and bigoted and anti-Fi if I was never to make a move. Oh, doesn't the T supposedly firm up the plans? That would make sense why I do, then. In typical ILI-fashion, I don't make a move (usually) unless I have convincing evidence for reciprocity.
    Deltas don't really go for the "song-and-dance" part of courtship either; it feels too artificial and stilted to be genuine.
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    This is just a thought. Seeing as some animals consider eye staring an act of territorial aggression, and even some humans, I think looking a SEE directly in the eyes would immediately bring her attention to you(in terms of interest that is).

    Try not to be creepy-like but give her some guinuine looks now and then. Fixation might do some good but I guess that depends on age/maturity.

    Also, at least attempt to look decent, even if they ignore Si.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Galen View Post
    Deltas don't really go for the "song-and-dance" part of courtship either; it feels too artificial and stilted to be genuine.
    True that.

    I think the courtship "song-and-dance" is more Fe-related and Ti-related.
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    Nah all that 'song-and-dance' stuff is cultural, and just old-fashioned now. Not type related imo. if it was type related, I'd say it's an fi-value.
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