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Thread: The most annoying thing about SLEs-ESTps

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    Default The most annoying thing about SLEs-ESTps

    Ughhh. This thing is so damn spot on.

    ESTp uncovered

    A female ESTp comes home...

    - Hey, darling, I'm home!
    - Cool!
    - Don't you want to come and give me a kiss?
    - Yeah, in a minute!
    - Is something wrong?
    - No, nothing's wrong!
    - Are you not happy to see me?
    - Of course I am happy to see you!
    - So why don't you want to come then?
    - I do, let me just finish something first!
    - Is it more important to you than me?
    - Oh, please, don't start!
    - You don't love me, I know!
    - Of course I do, don't be silly!
    - If you loved me, you wouldn't do this to me!
    - Do what?
    - This!
    - Just because I can't drop everything right this second, I don't love you?
    - Not this!
    - Then what?
    - You don't want me anymore!
    - What? Where does this come from?
    - You should know better!
    - Give me at least a hint!
    - See? Now you are mad at me too! You hate me!
    - I am not mad at you and I don't hate you! Now stop it!
    - And you don't love me either!
    - I love you, I love you, I love you! How many more times I have to say this?
    - You don't mean it!
    - I love you and I mean it! Now stop this nonsense, I have had enough of it!
    - Maybe you have had enough of me too?
    - Maybe...

    Female ESTp breaks down in tears...
    Why do they get like this so often?

    It's almost as if they always need & crave constant reassurance that you love them. They always want to know what your thinking; the way you're feeling really seems like somthing they always feel very insecure about.

    Would this have anything to do with Fi PoLR? I'd love to hear input from the SLEs around here.
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    They think it's ok to steal shit and then get mad when you tell people they steal shit.

    Oh, the thread title wasn't a question. Wops.
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    I don't think this would bother me. I've never experienced it though.
    INTp

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    Quote Originally Posted by ananke View Post
    I'm like that. But then again, I may be IEI, so not sure it helps.

    Why I am like that? Cause I panic and think the person in question stopped loving me. It's real. I mean, it's not a planned action. It can start out with me feeling a bit uneasy, not really getting why, and then the other person doesn't help me (like in the example by not coming to say hello exactly that day when I felt a bit nervous), and I become certain that they stopped loving me, that they at least unconsciously slowly turned against me. Kind of paranoia? Thinking they are there just because they don't know that they stopped loving me yet. And on top of freaking out because of it, I feel embarrassed about freaking out, so then I get angry, too, and start to project that they are angry with me. And then I just disappear into something close to a panic attack controlled by anger, so don't expect me to be very rational before I calm down again. I know I suck.
    freak

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    Quote Originally Posted by ananke View Post
    I'm like that. But then again, I may be IEI, so not sure it helps.

    Why I am like that? Cause I panic and think the person in question stopped loving me. It's real. I mean, it's not a planned action. It can start out with me feeling a bit uneasy, not really getting why, and then the other person doesn't help me (like in the example by not coming to say hello exactly that day when I felt a bit nervous), and I become certain that they stopped loving me, that they at least unconsciously slowly turned against me. Kind of paranoia? Thinking they are there just because they don't know that they stopped loving me yet. And on top of freaking out because of it, I feel embarrassed about freaking out, so then I get angry, too, and start to project that they are angry with me. And then I just disappear into something close to a panic attack controlled by anger, so don't expect me to be very rational before I calm down again. I know I suck.
    This is me, too. I'm also not SLE though. Worst part of it, is that I never know when it's going to happen. I'll think I have everything under control, I'm cool, and nothing is going to bother me, and then some little thing will trigger this whole cascade of insecurities. I hate it. It's embarrassing. I try to hide it and control it as much as I can, but so far I haven't been able to.

    @Starfall: a little reassurance goes a long way. For me, getting mad at me and yelling at me how stupid I am to doubt that I'm loved helps a ton, lol. I don't know if that would help your SLE.

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    Or in another words, they need Fe!
    "Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure, than to take rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in the gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat."
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    Quote Originally Posted by squark View Post
    This is me, too. I'm also not SLE though. Worst part of it, is that I never know when it's going to happen. I'll think I have everything under control, I'm cool, and nothing is going to bother me, and then some little thing will trigger this whole cascade of insecurities. I hate it. It's embarrassing. I try to hide it and control it as much as I can, but so far I haven't been able to.
    Polr

    My wife and an LSI colleague are the same way.
    Te-INTp/ILI, my wife: Fi-ISFj/ESI, with laser beam death rays for ESTp/SLEs, lol
    16 years of bliss in an Activity relationship

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    I feel like this a lot too. If someone I'm in a relationship with doesn't reassure me on a constant basis, I'll just assume they dont care...in which case I also act out to try and get them to show they do...but then I realize no matter how many times someone says they care about me, I'll always doubt it..so I guess I'll always be unsatisfied.

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    PoLR is so cute.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Starfall View Post
    Ughhh. This thing is so damn spot on.



    Why do they get like this so often?

    It's almost as if they always need & crave constant reassurance that you love them. They always want to know what your thinking; the way you're feeling really seems like somthing they always feel very insecure about.

    Would this have anything to do with Fi PoLR? I'd love to hear input from the SLEs around here.
    Yes it's Fi PoLR. Plus her assertive style is aggressor.
    It was in the reign of George III that the aforesaid personages lived and quarrelled; good or bad, handsome or ugly, rich or poor, they are all equal now.

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    Quote Originally Posted by squark View Post
    This is me, too. I'm also not SLE though. Worst part of it, is that I never know when it's going to happen. I'll think I have everything under control, I'm cool, and nothing is going to bother me, and then some little thing will trigger this whole cascade of insecurities. I hate it. It's embarrassing. I try to hide it and control it as much as I can, but so far I haven't been able to.

    @Starfall: a little reassurance goes a long way. For me, getting mad at me and yelling at me how stupid I am to doubt that I'm loved helps a ton, lol. I don't know if that would help your SLE.
    I usually end up doing that to my SLE bf when he started getting all gay & it really does seem to help.


    Him: I love you so much, but do you really love me?

    Me: Of course silly, I wouldn't tell you I loved you if I didn't. I've never loved anyone before you.

    him: but that's the thing, how do you know it's love? I know the difference, but you don't. sometimes I get the feeling you don't really love me & that you're just saying it.

    Me: wtf?

    Him: you hate me, don't you?

    Me: uh... excuse me? Want me to kick your ass, fag?

    him:



    By nature, I've always been a very verbally & physically affectionate person, especially to the few people in my life who I adore... I can't help this aspect about myself, it's just the way I am, lol. My SLE really seems to love this aspect about myself (I'm guessing that's what is?). Unfortunately when I'm feeling tired & burnt out (as I did last night), he seems to notice the change in my behavior very quickly. This is usually when he'll start to feel like somethings wrong & begins to act all gay. ugh. His fault for keeping me out so late anyway, lol. He really is a fag.
    Last edited by fox; 10-02-2010 at 11:11 PM.
    Quote Originally Posted by jxrtes View Post
    betas should be kept in zoos for children to stare and throw pop corn at.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Starfall View Post
    Ughhh. This thing is so damn spot on.



    Why do they get like this so often?

    It's almost as if they always need & crave constant reassurance that you love them. They always want to know what your thinking; the way you're feeling really seems like somthing they always feel very insecure about.

    Would this have anything to do with Fi PoLR? I'd love to hear input from the SLEs around here.
    Yes of course. Fi PoLR is not only not knowing how you feel let alone how others feel, so Fe shows them exactly how that person feels by showing emotional cues blatantly. ESTj's know exactly how I feel when I sit infront of them; they can read me very well, but ESTp's can't read me very well, but they are very good about giving me warm compliments and reassuring my will and strength and supporting me in a way that makes me feel good about who I am; I just can't be with them for other reason...you know!

    Quote Originally Posted by ananke View Post
    I'm like that. But then again, I may be IEI, so not sure it helps.

    Why I am like that? Cause I panic and think the person in question stopped loving me. It's real. I mean, it's not a planned action. It can start out with me feeling a bit uneasy, not really getting why, and then the other person doesn't help me (like in the example by not coming to say hello exactly that day when I felt a bit nervous), and I become certain that they stopped loving me, that they at least unconsciously slowly turned against me. Kind of paranoia? Thinking they are there just because they don't know that they stopped loving me yet. And on top of freaking out because of it, I feel embarrassed about freaking out, so then I get angry, too, and start to project that they are angry with me. And then I just disappear into something close to a panic attack controlled by anger, so don't expect me to be very rational before I calm down again. I know I suck.
    You don't suck; stop putting yourself down like that; I generally really love being around my conflictors.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Starfall View Post
    Me: uh... excuse me? Want me to kick your ass, fag?

    him:
    hahahahahahahhahaha

    This is sooo freakin' familiar. Still working out my bf's type, but jeez, he's so funny about this.

    Him: "Baby, one day you are going to stop looking at me like that, and I will know that you don't love me anymore."

    Me: *Deep, dramatic sigh.* "Um, you can't go by that. How many times do I have to tell you I love you? How can I MAKE you believe it?"

    Him: "Thank you. But ... last week you were in such a bad mood sometimes ..."

    Me: "That doesn't mean I don't love you. It means I was worried about a whole lot of serious problems. I love you."

    Him: "..."

    Me: "I. Love. You. I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU. What can I say to get that through your stupid French head?"

    Him: "I know you think you love me now, but--"

    Me: "Don't make me kick your ass!!!!!" *holds up skinny fists* "Don't make me have to kill you!!!!!!!"

    Him:

    * One hour later it starts all over again ...*

    - - - - - -

    Jesus.

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    Ive learned to relax and just be normal around SLEs, I used to think they needed approval all the time, and to a large extent they do, but I figured that the reason this bothered me so much was because I wanted their approval too, a natural human reaction. Ive learned that they can take criticism surprisingly well due to their demonstrative function, not that criticizing them all the time is a good idea, I dont normally criticize people when its not necessary anyways, only in those cases where I feel it is necessary and needs to be said. Like I said I used to feel like I wasnt giving them enough approval and always wanted to give them more, but now I give them normal approval and realize they react just the same

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    sorry, double posted

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    yeah, I don't mind that quality at all. Most SLEs (at least females) I've interacted with, weren't... neurotic enough to pull the hyena cry for attention, but the tendency usually manifests in some way.

    example: SLE-Se (also E3) waitress makes sure to address every person in a very specific way upon entering the restaurant, and gets unsettled if they don't reciprocate accordingly. I've experimented with the various responses, and usually reticence will make her seek out assurance in some other way.

    another SLE I knew would indirectly make comments or ask questions pertaining to her attractiveness. It became frustrating at times, so I would usually just say, "why are you setting up questions" etc., but usually it was easy to work between the lines for a desired result.

    They maintain a very strong control over concrete happenings; it's like they're worried that everything will spiral off if they don't constantly react. Giving an emotional undercurrent combined with a broader perspective on their and others' behaviors, just seems to really ease them.

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    Quote Originally Posted by strrrng View Post
    They maintain a very strong control over concrete happenings; it's like they're worried that everything will spiral off if they don't constantly react. Giving an emotional undercurrent combined with a broader perspective on their and others' behaviors, just seems to really ease them.
    yes exactly.
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    i've never been with an SLE romantically, but i think i'd rather deal with those periodic outbursts of needy vulnerability than be with someone who is "silent". such outbursts to me, would seem like clear reassurances that they love me, and that they want me to love them back. i gladly pour all my affections onto someone that i love, but i need the same in return. if i don't get it, eventually i will feel exhausted and unappreciated, and i will leave.

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    Hmm... constant demonstrations of underlying emotional neediness. Bizarre. Doesn't make sense for SLEs (but yet does). Strrrrrngs explanation makes sense. "Tell me if you don't love me so I can fix it! Although I don't really know what concrete steps to take to fix it..." Yeah, I'd imagine that I'd like that too. It would feel reassuring, like, geez, you do like me, don't you. Enough to be obsessive about it.
    Not a rule, just a trend.

    IEI. Probably Fe subtype. Pretty sure I'm E4, sexual instinctual type, fairly confident that I'm a 3 wing now, so: IEI-Fe E4w3 sx/so. Considering 3w4 now, but pretty sure that 4 fits the best.

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    Quote Originally Posted by squark View Post
    This is me, too. I'm also not SLE though. Worst part of it, is that I never know when it's going to happen. I'll think I have everything under control, I'm cool, and nothing is going to bother me, and then some little thing will trigger this whole cascade of insecurities. I hate it. It's embarrassing. I try to hide it and control it as much as I can, but so far I haven't been able to.

    @Starfall: a little reassurance goes a long way. For me, getting mad at me and yelling at me how stupid I am to doubt that I'm loved helps a ton, lol. I don't know if that would help your SLE.
    oh wow. I'm the same way. it's humiliating honestly...i end up feeling way too vulnurable..however for me, it can't just be words of reassurance (though that helps), but actions as well. BUT this only happens in longterm relationships for me...otherwise like stated about SLEs, I won't care enough to make that emotional investment.

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    But, for a certainty, back then,
    We loved so many, yet hated so much,
    We hurt others and were hurt ourselves...

    Yet even then, we ran like the wind,
    Whilst our laughter echoed,
    Under cerulean skies...

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ashton View Post
    Embarrassingly enough, I used to do the same sort of thing. It's all pretty gay. Eventually I had to mature and realize it was wrong to hold people to expectations like that.
    yeah pretty gay but also kinda cute, in a way.
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    I have the same exact need to know that my partner still loves me and wants my affection, and I don't mind emotional outbursts related to that at all - I have them myself. In fact, I'm happy if my partner expresses her emotions to me in general, whatever they may be. It's infinitely better than a partner who hides her feelings, or who is unaffectionate. I like a partner I can have fun with and share myself with emotionally, it's difficult to do that with a partner who doesn't allow for emotions to govern an emotional relationship.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ashton View Post
    Embarrassingly enough, I used to do the same sort of thing. It's all pretty gay. Eventually I had to mature and realize it was wrong to hold people to expectations like that.
    interesting...

    I don't think I ever did it in that way. I used to be very tacitly possessive, and eventually just built up an emotional fortress to make sure I never had the lesser hand. That also backfired. Now I basically enter relationships with no expectations, a charming smile, and a pristine sword in the shadows. I think one should be prepared without being fearful or preemptive.

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    Quote Originally Posted by strrrng View Post
    Now I basically enter relationships with no expectations, a charming smile, and a pristine sword in the shadows. I think one should be prepared without being fearful or preemptive.
    ahhahaha, yes!
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    well, im sure its the difference between male/female SLE's, but mine isn't quite THAT bad, lulz. but i get the gist. its actually extremely accurate other than the end part.....

    SLE gets home from work

    "hey baby!"

    "hiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!! *stays busy with something*"

    "miss you today...."

    "missed you too love, gimme a second though...."

    "psssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhh....*walks off like he doesn't care that he's not getting attention but its obvious he does*"

    *finishes up*

    *finds him*

    *tackle*

    him - *big grin* "thats more like it"


    thats how mine usually goes lol



    i more relate to your second little convo thing you posted starfall, definitely.


    i find it pretty easy to give him the right attention though....


    and with mine, its a lot like a baiting and hooking thing....hard to explain but, you can tell when he's feeling a bit insecure about something emotional (for some silly reason) and he'll be gruff about it and won't respond to me just lavishing affectionate words of reassurance...but if you just sorta look at him in a certain way and perhaps use some body language (this is the baiting) he'll come to ME and be a bit physically affectionate at which point i can make him feel secure with a few subtle words while he keeps his man-card intact.

    he's a more laid-back sort of SLE....

    does that make any sense?
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    is it legal to randomly beat SLE?

    i mean, lol, that works pretty well then you want them to understand something right quick, lol.

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    lol... betas are kind of reliable for simple bouts of catharsis

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    you sound smart, dude

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    I like to burn brain cells.

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    your brain must be hot then

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    The most annoying thing about them is that, when we hang out together, they feel the need to compete with me intellectually--a battle that I tend to win. Their response to this is usually to hit me the way girls do when you say something they don't like.

    Basically, they can sense that I have intellectual "power" that threatens their dominance. They recognize that I can say things to make them look stupid, but at the same time am not a little pussy child the way LIIs are, so their Se kicks into gear and they try to either outwit me or make me look like some kind of lame nerd. If that doesn't work, then comes the half joking, half serious physical aggression, which I respond to with sharp Fi rebukes (I am good at that from watching my ESI teacher scream at people).

    So I win, basically.

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    I don't mind so much when they do that because I am quite an affectionate person myself but sometimes, especially in the beginning of a relationship, I feel uncertain of whether I should show how much I like the person. So when SLEs act this way it's an excuse for me to reassure them by showing them how much I care and how awesome I think they are. Pouncing on them works nicely for this

    Quote Originally Posted by glamourama View Post
    i've never been with an SLE romantically, but i think i'd rather deal with those periodic outbursts of needy vulnerability than be with someone who is "silent". such outbursts to me, would seem like clear reassurances that they love me, and that they want me to love them back. i gladly pour all my affections onto someone that i love, but i need the same in return. if i don't get it, eventually i will feel exhausted and unappreciated, and i will leave.
    Yes, this.

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    I noticed something interesting...

    In SLE/IEI duality, the IEI feels the one 'on top' psychologically for the first time in his life. It's weird, but it seems to play out. I mean look at my dual interactions with me and Sean. I'm clearly the one in the most mental control, I'm clearly the cool headed one. Even though that the IEI is almost always perceived by society as being 'weak', 'emo', 'pussy' , 'unproductive, and 'useless.' When around an SLE though, the IEI isn't perceived at all like that. The IEI feels in control, manly and valuable. This is also translates to 'dual weirdness' and why duals ignore each other a lot 'in real life' and stay silent with each other so much, they really 'flip each other inside out' and their natural egoic roles ,as well as what the outside world thinks of them.

    SEMI-DUAL also is like this. Dolphin never really views me as 'weak' , which is refreshing. And Illusionary can be like this is as well. Really any of the harmonizing/balancing interactions.

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    I don't mind so much when they do that because I am quite an affectionate person myself but sometimes, especially in the beginning of a relationship, I feel uncertain of whether I should show how much I like the person. So when SLEs act this way it's an excuse for me to reassure them by showing them how much I care and how awesome I think they are. Pouncing on them works nicely for this
    Exactly, IEIs have big hearts but they tend to be reserved from this quality, cause other people just don't really respect or need that. Other types are almost always going to be like 'stop being cute faggot, can't you see I'm trying to be all productive here?' but the SLE really needs your compassionate heart so they don't emo-ishly cut themselves over something stupid. It's nice. =) (although IEIs are very laid back and can be depressed and very sad and grouchy I don't think they would ever resort to really hurting themselves, but an SLE actually does take those risks unfortunately)

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    Quote Originally Posted by BulletsAndDoves View Post
    I noticed something interesting...

    In SLE/IEI duality, the IEI feels the one 'on top' psychologically for the first time in his life. It's weird, but it seems to play out. I mean look at my dual interactions with me and Sean. I'm clearly the one in the most mental control, I'm clearly the cool headed one. Even though that the IEI is almost always perceived by society as being 'weak', 'emo', 'pussy' , 'unproductive, and 'useless.' When around an SLE though, the IEI isn't perceived at all like that. The IEI feels in control, manly and valuable. This is also translates to 'dual weirdness' and why duals ignore each other a lot 'in real life' and stay silent with each other so much, they really 'flip each other inside out' and their natural egoic roles ,as well as what the outside world thinks of them.

    SEMI-DUAL also is like this. Dolphin never really views me as 'weak' , which is refreshing. And Illusionary can be like this is as well. Really any of the harmonizing/balancing interactions.
    dare I say.... supervision is also this way with ESEs. IEIs are stronger mentally and in control but ESEs just feel annoyed by this over time.
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    Quote Originally Posted by BulletsAndDoves View Post
    Exactly, IEIs have big hearts but they tend to be reserved from this quality, cause other people just don't really respect or need that. Other types are almost always going to be like 'stop being cute faggot, can't you see I'm trying to be all productive here?' but the SLE really needs your compassionate heart so they don't emo-ishly cut themselves over something stupid. It's nice. =) (although IEIs are very laid back and can be depressed and very sad and grouchy I don't think they would ever resort to really hurting themselves, but an SLE actually does take those risks unfortunately)
    huh, lol, there's this one mistake people are constantly making. That is also the definitive thing for IEIs... Proportions, that is... Y'know, harmonizing and all that. So, IEI cannot be always uber-friendly, just like SLE cannot be in-control of all the lands. Like that, bytch, And yeah! I mean those uber-controlling SEE, lol, they look like pussies to me. Like... oh, cut it off, you faggot drama-queen. Oh-my-gawd! I IZ GONNA KYL YAAHH!!!

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    That there is a constant demand on their part but a limited supply on mine.
    Easy Day

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    Quote Originally Posted by redbaron View Post
    dare I say.... supervision is also this way with ESEs. IEIs are stronger mentally and in control but ESEs just feel annoyed by this over time.
    True, I lived for two years with a supervisee lover, and I felt in charge from the outset. With the guy I'm dating now, I don't feel in charge. I feel like we are pretty evenly matched, checks/balances.

    Even with my conflictor ex, in some ways I felt superior. From a material standpoint he held the cards, and I was the one who often had to bend to his will, but there were so many things about me that he could not fathom, whereas I understood him pretty well. He was a strict, orderly guy, and I was an all-over-the-place nutjob, so he never knew what was coming, and he was totally predictable.

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    Quote Originally Posted by esper View Post
    Actually i see it the other way around. Thats the part that gets f'ing annoying. GAWD.
    What do you mean? A constant demand on their part and a limited supply on yours? If so that is possibly a more accurate statement.
    Easy Day

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