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Thread: Not wanting to be included

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    Default Not wanting to be included.

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    Last edited by someone else; 09-28-2010 at 02:42 AM.

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    Darn Socks Director Abbie's Avatar
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    The way I see it is that I don't want to decline too many invitations, otherwise people may stop inviting me.

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    It sounds to me like you may have a case of the 2-cools. Do you sometimes find yourself in life being, how should I say, too cool? Perhaps too cool for school?

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    That's all very petty. When I get an invitation the only thing I think about is whether I want to go..
    INTp

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    Poster Nutbag The Exception's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jlam View Post
    Ask sick as it may sound I get great joy out of turning invitations down.

    I make up my mind quickly about people and the degree of interaction I want to have with them.
    That's probably why I have very few friends.

    But when those people that I feel neutral about invite my out with a group I take great pleasure in
    declining. It's like my way of saying SHOVE IT!!!
    I don't take any pleasure whatsoever in declining invitations. I do tend to make up my mind rather quickly about the degree of interaction I want to have with other people and if someone wants to interact with me to a greater degree than I'm interested in, I'll find a way to politely decline.

    Quote Originally Posted by Director Abbie View Post
    The way I see it is that I don't want to decline too many invitations, otherwise people may stop inviting me.
    Yes, I relate to some extent, that is if they are friends and I enjoy interacting with them at least some of the time. For people I don't particularly like or feel indifferent towards, I don't care whether or not they stop inviting me anyway.

    Quote Originally Posted by Polikujm View Post
    It sounds to me like you may have a case of the 2-cools. Do you sometimes find yourself in life being, how should I say, too cool? Perhaps too cool for school?


    Quote Originally Posted by Pied Piper View Post
    I often refuse invitations, too - especially from friends and the family of my mother, but I actually regret it, I just have something else to do, something which actually makes sense.
    Yes, this is generally the case with me.

    Quote Originally Posted by crazedrat360 View Post
    That's all very petty. When I get an invitation the only thing I think about is whether I want to go..
    Yes again.

    Quote Originally Posted by jlam View Post
    It's mainly some thing they have done in the past. Or there might be someone among the group that I dislike. Or because I know they are just inviting me to be polite not because they want to.
    Now this I relate to. I remember once back in college I was hanging out with a girl who was nice but she wasn't exactly what I'd call a friend. More like an acquaintance. She was also hanging out with several of her closer friends and asks the group "Do you want to come over to my house later this evening and hang out?" A couple seconds later, she looks my way and says "You're invited too."

    I remember being confused by that. Did she genuinely want me to come? Did she want to add me to her circle? Or was she just doing it to be polite and didn't want to hurt my feelings? I wasn't sure if she *really* wanted me to come so I ended up politiely declining the invitation. I can only accept invitations where I know I am truly wanted.

    I never got an invitation from her again and never became more than casual acquaintances. Now that I think of it, maybe she was hurt that I didn't accept her invitation so she stopped inviting me. On the other hand, I could have accepted her invitation and spent the evening feeling awkward, like I was an unwanted imposition. So who knows?
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    when you see the booty Galen's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jlam View Post
    Ask sick as it may sound I get great joy out of turning invitations down.

    I make up my mind quickly about people and the degree of interaction I want to have with them.
    That's probably why I have very few friends.

    But when those people that I feel neutral about invite my out with a group I take great pleasure in
    declining. It's like my way of saying SHOVE IT!!!
    What about people you do like being around?
    "And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don't believe in magic will never find it." -Roald Dahl

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    fuck you
    “Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”

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    You've done yourself a huge favor developmentally by mustering the balls to do something really fucking scary... in about the most vulnerable situation possible.

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    I make up my mind quickly about people and the degree of interaction I want to have with them.
    That's probably why I have very few friends.
    Yeah, I would simply advise....to stop doing that. If you want to connect with others, and it's only natural and human or whatever, then you gotta learn how to play the social game. Trust has to be earned, but you have to give people chances or you'll depress yourself in narcissistic nothingness. It's like, you gotta give everybody these tiny droplets of chances to see how far they'll pull through for you, without putting your hopes up or expecting 'good things to happen.'

    But when those people that I feel neutral about invite my out with a group I take great pleasure in
    declining. It's like my way of saying SHOVE IT!!!
    Whoa. You need to get over yourself. Point blank. We all do, but I'm talking to YOU right now. you. Need. to get. over. YOU. Or you'll never have a happy life. Ever. You think feelings of neutrality are reason not to show up somewhere and evolve yourself? Honey, neutrality is looking more and more great in these dark economic times. Most people settle for *just enough* happiness. You spoiled american, you have gotten everything you materialistically wanted, at the expense of all spiritual and psychological development.

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    Quote Originally Posted by warrior-librarian View Post
    Now this I relate to. I remember once back in college I was hanging out with a girl who was nice but she wasn't exactly what I'd call a friend. More like an acquaintance. She was also hanging out with several of her closer friends and asks the group "Do you want to come over to my house later this evening and hang out?" A couple seconds later, she looks my way and says "You're invited too."

    I remember being confused by that. Did she genuinely want me to come? Did she want to add me to her circle? Or was she just doing it to be polite and didn't want to hurt my feelings? I wasn't sure if she *really* wanted me to come so I ended up politiely declining the invitation. I can only accept invitations where I know I am truly wanted.

    I never got an invitation from her again and never became more than casual acquaintances. Now that I think of it, maybe she was hurt that I didn't accept her invitation so she stopped inviting me. On the other hand, I could have accepted her invitation and spent the evening feeling awkward, like I was an unwanted imposition. So who knows?
    Yes, I understand very much what you mean. I'm always fearful that a too public an invitation would mean they are just extending social conventions, expecting you to decline. At the same time, expecting them to have that expectation of you makes you as guilty as they would be in that position.

    Quote Originally Posted by BulletsAndDoves View Post
    Whoa. You need to get over yourself. Point blank. We all do, but I'm talking to YOU right now. you. Need. to get. over. YOU. Or you'll never have a happy life. Ever. You think feelings of neutrality are reason not to show up somewhere and evolve yourself? Honey, neutrality is looking more and more great in these dark economic times. Most people settle for *just enough* happiness. You spoiled american, you have gotten everything you materialistically wanted, at the expense of all spiritual and psychological development.
    I didn't see any indication any kind of materialism in that post? I'm not even certain that Jilam is American.
    How does emotional neutrality aid one in economics?
    Also, what exactly does he need to get over to live a happy life? His emotional neutrality?

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    Quote Originally Posted by jlam View Post
    Ask sick as it may sound I get great joy out of turning invitations down.

    I make up my mind quickly about people and the degree of interaction I want to have with them.
    That's probably why I have very few friends.

    But when those people that I feel neutral about invite my out with a group I take great pleasure in
    declining. It's like my way of saying SHOVE IT!!!
    haha... I like you. for me, it's only pleasing when I sense a hidden obligation; but that's more a matter of principle anyway...

    interesting that you also see the potential for interaction quickly. I think this is kind of necessary.

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