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Thread: pushing me away after sex? wtf?

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    Default pushing me away after sex? wtf?

    why do men push their girlfriends away after sex? wtf is that all about? is it something to do with not wanting to confuse emotions and sex for ST men?

    i hate being made to feel like a porn mag.

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    ILE - ENTp 1981slater's Avatar
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    ILE "Searcher"
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    ILE - ENTp 1981slater's Avatar
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    This issue has been discussed yet in the early 90s...

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    Yes, as slater has indicated, there's an entire decade of media devoted to solving just this problem. Please read the book about how men are from mars. Take two and call me in the morning.

    But seriously, I'm sorry you feel uncomfortable and "used," and as my grandfather says "if you see it, it's there"---so perhaps there is something wrong or missing in the relationship. On the other hand, please know that it may not be as wrong or missing as you think. Guys are sort of focused on completing the sex act and once we're finished, well... we're finished. We want to take a break, focus on the physical sensations, not take any more action, and certainly not talk, because talking involves a hell of a lot of thinking, which is the exact opposite of sex for most men. Anyway, we think: we did the action, now it's time for the reward, which is this sustained post-orgasmic feel-good. Not time for more thinking and sharing and speaking.
    Not a rule, just a trend.

    IEI. Probably Fe subtype. Pretty sure I'm E4, sexual instinctual type, fairly confident that I'm a 3 wing now, so: IEI-Fe E4w3 sx/so. Considering 3w4 now, but pretty sure that 4 fits the best.

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    Quote Originally Posted by silverchris9 View Post
    Guys are sort of focused on completing the sex act and once we're finished, well... we're finished.
    That's right. A chemical among many others regulates such things and it is tied to survival of the species. That's why we're tired and need sleep.
    Last edited by Absurd; 03-20-2011 at 12:35 PM.

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    when you see the booty Galen's Avatar
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    Men are disgusting

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    Quote Originally Posted by silverchris9 View Post
    Yes, as slater has indicated, there's an entire decade of media devoted to solving just this problem. Please read the book about how men are from mars. Take two and call me in the morning.

    But seriously, I'm sorry you feel uncomfortable and "used," and as my grandfather says "if you see it, it's there"---so perhaps there is something wrong or missing in the relationship. On the other hand, please know that it may not be as wrong or missing as you think. Guys are sort of focused on completing the sex act and once we're finished, well... we're finished. We want to take a break, focus on the physical sensations, not take any more action, and certainly not talk, because talking involves a hell of a lot of thinking, which is the exact opposite of sex for most men. Anyway, we think: we did the action, now it's time for the reward, which is this sustained post-orgasmic feel-good. Not time for more thinking and sharing and speaking.
    yeah that makes sense. post orgasmic feel good, that's what it is i suppose.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Starfall View Post
    Don't ever make things easy for him.
    Yeah. This. Guys lose interest, not in the sense that they aren't "interested" in you, but that they purely become less invested in a very subconscious, uncontrollable sense, when their sexual drives are gratified too readily.
    But, for a certainty, back then,
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    Seriously, anyone who literally pushes you away after sex is a jerk.
    Let us forget with generosity those who cannot love us
    ― Pablo Neruda

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    I don't do that. I have happy cuddles afterward.

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    Let's fly now Gilly's Avatar
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    Yeah me too. Unless she's ugly. Then it's just...eugh.
    But, for a certainty, back then,
    We loved so many, yet hated so much,
    We hurt others and were hurt ourselves...

    Yet even then, we ran like the wind,
    Whilst our laughter echoed,
    Under cerulean skies...

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    take a second of me sarinana's Avatar
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    Mhm I've read articles about that even before having sex, so I was already expecting my man acting this. But for my surprise I found NONE of the guys (SEE,LSI,IEE) I've slept with doing this to me. LSI liked to chat after sex about silly things like why god invented clitoris and play with my nipples. IEE liked to fall asleep while snuggling with me and I found this irritating and was the one to push him away after sex.... Both SEE and LSI would sleep on their backs, so whenever I would need more of contact with them I would just put my head on their chest and if they wouldn't react I would start playing with their hair which goes down the navel. Nah majority of men CAN be lovely. You just need to find a way to their hearts(not only penises) and SHOW what do you want from them. Because some men are just simply blunt when it comes to what a woman needs.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kim View Post
    Seriously, anyone who literally pushes you away after sex is a jerk.


    The most I do is to fall asleep right after sex if Im drunk. Even then, I usually take the girl (by force if shes not willing to cuddle) into my arms to sleep cuddled with me. I enjoy a lot feeling like a big male protector to that little flower there and cuddling her makes me feel Im protecting my female after we had sex, which means I care about her). I dont force her to cuddle with me if after my initial forcing SHE pushes me away LOL, but I do think that to cuddle after sex is the best thing... maybe?

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    Quote Originally Posted by None View Post


    The most I do is to fall asleep right after sex if Im drunk. Even then, I usually take the girl (by force if shes not willing to cuddle) into my arms to sleep cuddled with me. I enjoy a lot feeling like a big male protector to that little flower there and cuddling her makes me feel Im protecting my female after we had sex, which means I care about her). I dont force her to cuddle with me if after my initial forcing SHE pushes me away LOL, but I do think that to cuddle after sex is the best thing... maybe?
    Si -MAKES ME FEEL WONDERFUL
    You write and say what something makes you feel; the feelings derives from Sensory experience is Si. ACTIVATIOOOOOOONNNNNNNN

    Quote Originally Posted by Absurd View Post
    That's right. A chemical among many others regulates such things and it is tied to survival of the species. That's why we're tired and need sleep.
    This is Se..."we're tired and need sleep" blunt, surface, no feelings... NO internal sensory feelings or conveying these feelings or sensations in words or words conveying feelings for the experience.

    Se types can cuddle too, but they don't express sensory pleasure when they do so, not like the Si do in the above in how they describe it, anyway....

    They just act, they do, they cuddle...no need to feel the woman in their arms and the feelings they get from her soft warm skin against them and how that makes them feel as they experience all this...to them it's good, it's happening and it's happening.
    Last edited by Beautiful sky; 09-22-2010 at 04:44 PM.

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    take a second of me sarinana's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by None View Post


    The most I do is to fall asleep right after sex if Im drunk. Even then, I usually take the girl (by force if shes not willing to cuddle) into my arms to sleep cuddled with me. I enjoy a lot feeling like a big male protector to that little flower there and cuddling her makes me feel Im protecting my female after we had sex, which means I care about her). I dont force her to cuddle with me if after my initial forcing SHE pushes me away LOL, but I do think that to cuddle after sex is the best thing... maybe?
    It could be too. I love feeling protected. Not much the feeling of physical closeness or sensations.
    Sincerely Yours,

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    Quote Originally Posted by sarinana View Post
    It could be too. I love feeling protected. Not much the feeling of physical closeness or sensations.
    YOU LOVE FEELING????? *(again, you're SEI)*

    No it's not sari, Se is just experiencing it not deriving pleasure from it...anyway...yeah both SLE and LSE are "protective" both from two separate sensory ways. One to just be protective (more of an act then out of some internal magnanemous feeling derived from the act), the other to feel like they are the protectors (LSE-magnanitmity).

    Si types remember the physical feelings of the sensations derived for a very long time, this is how they are able to recall the feelings they had with certain lovers over and over; LSE remember their lovers for a very long time because these sensations get imprinted inside them, inside their head. Se need to experience again, because they are realists, moment, here and now and don't have much use of either Ne or Si because Ne/Si are together, they live within each other.

    Quote Originally Posted by silverchris9 View Post
    Yes, as slater has indicated, there's an entire decade of media devoted to solving just this problem. Please read the book about how men are from mars. Take two and call me in the morning.

    But seriously, I'm sorry you feel uncomfortable and "used," and as my grandfather says "if you see it, it's there"---so perhaps there is something wrong or missing in the relationship. On the other hand, please know that it may not be as wrong or missing as you think. Guys are sort of focused on completing the sex act and once we're finished, well... we're finished. We want to take a break, focus on the physical sensations, not take any more action, and certainly not talk, because talking involves a hell of a lot of thinking, which is the exact opposite of sex for most men. Anyway, we think: we did the action, now it's time for the reward, which is this sustained post-orgasmic feel-good. Not time for more thinking and sharing and speaking.
    This is Se too...no emphasis on feelings derived from just what happened just it happened. It's not a "guy" thing, it's an Se/Si thing....it just so happens that the people who are complaining are probably not sleeping with the "right" kind of thing.
    Last edited by Beautiful sky; 09-22-2010 at 05:08 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Maritsa33 View Post
    Si -MAKES ME FEEL WONDERFUL

    This is Se..."we're tired and need sleep" blunt, surface, no feelings... NO internal sensory feelings or conveying these feelings or sensations in words or words conveying feelings for the experience.

    Se types can cuddle too, but they don't express sensory pleasure when they do so, not like the Si do in the above in how they describe it, anyway....

    They just act, they do, they cuddle...no need to feel the woman in their arms and the feelings they get from her soft warm skin against them and how that makes them feel as they experience all this...to them it's good, it's happening and it's happening.
    This is BS. Never heard Se ego say that to me! and how can you speak about this if you never had sex with one?
    Se egos are very giving and attentive to woman's physical state. They are the ones who have duals that don't even know how they feel and how it affects their mood in the end! Men with weak and unvalued Se is the different case, they are the ones you can expect " I am tired and need to sleep".
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    Quote Originally Posted by sarinana View Post
    This is BS. Never heard Se ego say that to me! and how can you speak about this if you never had sex with one?
    Se egos are very giving and attentive to woman's physical state. They are the ones who have duals that don't even know how they feel and how it affects their mood in the end! Men with weak and unvalued Se is the different case, they are the ones you can expect " I am tired and need to sleep".
    I have. He was ESTp. Very blunt, no feelings, no discussion about feelings, no "um um ummmmm feelings"; cuddeling, but just the act of, no discussion about those feelings. Just experiencing me as an object of sex. Very cold to me, but lucky for me, he was a good and understanding friend and let me go without pursuing me aggressively.

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    take a second of me sarinana's Avatar
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    What am I infantile then? I only have father complex.
    Sincerely Yours,

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    Quote Originally Posted by Maritsa33 View Post
    This is Se..."we're tired and need sleep" blunt, surface, no feelings...
    Hehe. Alright, dumbo. Let's get some things straight. I won't ever respond to any of your, I don't even know how to call it, concepts(?) and you do the same for me. Thanks.

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    take a second of me sarinana's Avatar
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    Maritsa,
    Feelings can be both emotional/psychological and physical.
    To me feeling protected aka feeling SAFE is a psychological feeling. It has nothing to do with Si. I prefer masculine guys instead of skinny emo guys for the same reason.
    Victim men make me feel like I have to be a man and I hate that, yet we have very great psychological compatibility with them so I have many victim friends. Infantile men... they are too childish, expect too much of soft physical affection from me and I have no idea how to give them that. I don't even feel good about initiating physical contact with people, like hugging my friends etc. I always wait for someone to do that first. How can I be SEI, Maritsa???
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    Quote Originally Posted by Maritsa33 View Post
    This is Se..."we're tired and need sleep" blunt, surface, no feelings... NO internal sensory feelings or conveying these feelings or sensations in words or words conveying feelings for the experience.

    Se types can cuddle too, but they don't express sensory pleasure when they do so, not like the Si do in the above in how they describe it, anyway....

    They just act, they do, they cuddle...no need to feel the woman in their arms and the feelings they get from her soft warm skin against them and how that makes them feel as they experience all this...to them it's good, it's happening and it's happening.
    I think they like to do it rough for a while, but probably expect closeness before and after.
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    All men don't do that, your boyfriend just sucks.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Maritsa33 View Post
    YOU LOVE FEELING????? *(again, you're SEI)*
    Sarinana is not SEI. In case you were unaware, there are seven other feeler types besides SEI.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ritella View Post
    Over here, we'll put up with (almost) all of your crap. You just have to use the secret phrase: "I don't value it. It's related to <insert random element here>, which is not in my quadra."
    Quote Originally Posted by Aquagraph View Post
    Abbie is so boring and rigid it's awesome instead of boring and rigid. She seems so practical and down-to-the-ground.

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    I can't remember the last time I cuddled after sex. I feel used. Oh well. But sometimes it's just...ugh...get away from me.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Director Abbie View Post
    Sarinana is not SEI. In case you were unaware, there are seven other feeler types besides SEI.
    If I were you DA, I would snap her neck before it's too late.

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    I actually prefer to just lay my head against the girl and go to sleep. I don't like the really needy, wimpering dog kind of cuddling. Unless she's into it, cuz then it's not my pride being compromised.

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    for fuck sake. i was happy with the thought of him wanting to bask in the blissed outness of it all but now i have to go into analyzing it and wondering if he's just a jerk or is he odd with me over something?

    Thanks! THANKS ALOT!

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    It's basically one of two things and I know this because I have the mind of a man and I know why I don't cuddle after sex: they just used you and don't care or they have more important things to do. TRUTH.

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    I rather cuddle before sex. After sex I'm tired and want to sleep or play with my computer.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Absurd View Post
    If I were you DA, I would snap her neck before it's too late.
    I'm not in the habit of attacking females. I do think she needs slapped, though.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Aquagraph View Post
    Abbie is so boring and rigid it's awesome instead of boring and rigid. She seems so practical and down-to-the-ground.

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    Quote Originally Posted by jessica129 View Post
    It's basically one of two things and I know this because I have the mind of a man and I know why I don't cuddle after sex: they just used you and don't care or they have more important things to do. TRUTH.
    or they are just drunk and seriously feeling like passing out.
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    take a second of me sarinana's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Director Abbie View Post
    I'm not in the habit of attacking females. I do think she needs slapped, though.
    for what?
    Sincerely Yours,

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    he's an sli so on second thoughts the first option is the most likely correct explanation. i've made the mistake of taking enfj's advice in the past and it usually makes me angry when i hear their perspective. i suppose it's because you are my sli's conflictor so your interpretation of an sli's behaviour is always going to be to misunderstand it. it's easy for me to get sucked into your way of thinking too and be all hurt and outraged since we are so alike in our outlook to begin with. he loves the shit out of me, he's just a cold motherfucker when he's trying to enjoy a bit of bliss in peace.

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    Quote Originally Posted by sarinana View Post
    or they are just drunk and seriously feeling like passing out.
    yeah...and if they're drunk they're probobly still not into you. It basically boils down to the fact they just don't care about you. Sorry but it's the truth. Rare occasions happen when your bf who normally cuddles is super drunk and passes out and that's okay but if you're having sex with someone just cuz one of you is drunk...he's not into you.

    Most of the time.

    ...I mean...are we talking he physically get's up and leaves afterwards or just doesn't cuddle? Because i don't cuddle and i still can like the person. I only get up and leave when I use people.

  38. #38
    Darn Socks Director Abbie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sarinana View Post
    for what?
    Not you; Maritsa. For constantly making so many outrageous claims and/or insinuations.

    LSE
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    Squishy's Older Sister

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ritella View Post
    Over here, we'll put up with (almost) all of your crap. You just have to use the secret phrase: "I don't value it. It's related to <insert random element here>, which is not in my quadra."
    Quote Originally Posted by Aquagraph View Post
    Abbie is so boring and rigid it's awesome instead of boring and rigid. She seems so practical and down-to-the-ground.

  39. #39
    take a second of me sarinana's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Trevor View Post
    See, if she were to be so outrageous hersefl you wouldn't even mentioned slapping her. But knowing she's basically a good girl, you did mentioned slapping her, because good girls, generally speaking, react well to slapping. Reacting well means they start to behave themselves etc. ...bad people you do not slap; bad people you send to prison.
    hahahahahah you just reminded me why I love Ti.
    Sincerely Yours,

    Beyond the clouds. Beyond the sun.

    The Rebel without a cause.

  40. #40
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    Quote Originally Posted by humblepie View Post
    he's an sli so on second thoughts the first option is the most likely correct explanation. i've made the mistake of taking enfj's advice in the past and it usually makes me angry when i hear their perspective. i suppose it's because you are my sli's conflictor so your interpretation of an sli's behaviour is always going to be to misunderstand it. it's easy for me to get sucked into your way of thinking too and be all hurt and outraged since we are so alike in our outlook to begin with. he loves the shit out of me, he's just a cold motherfucker when he's trying to enjoy a bit of bliss in peace.
    Did he actually push you away or does he just not cuddle?

    And it's not an SLI thing. They can be quite cuddly when alone with IEE mate.
    Let us forget with generosity those who cannot love us
    ― Pablo Neruda

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