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Thread: the down side of duality

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    Default the down side of duality

    You get used to having someone cover your weak areas and can end up sorta dependent on your dual. And vice versa.
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    however, I will say that while that may be true in the beginning, I believe that over time you take on the traits of your dual, becoming more like them. That's what happened to my IEI brother and SLE sister-in-law. They've been together for 20 years now. While they each have their individual talents, it does feel as if they can step into the other's shoes if need be and they are more "whole" than undualized persons.
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    sweet
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    Yeah, I think what you're describing, Joy, is more like what happens with your conflictor. My ex was strong where I was weak, and vice versa, but we could not help each other grow or change. Stalemate and decline.

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    shitty
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    Yea your dual doesn't just cover your ass; being around them actually helps you develop your weak points. What you describe sounds more like super-ego or benefit.
    But, for a certainty, back then,
    We loved so many, yet hated so much,
    We hurt others and were hurt ourselves...

    Yet even then, we ran like the wind,
    Whilst our laughter echoed,
    Under cerulean skies...

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    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly View Post
    Yea your dual doesn't just cover your ass; being around them actually helps you develop your weak points.
    Yeah, this is my experience. EIEs actually teach me how to feel things, they don't just smooth shit over after I call someone a whore.

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    Quote Originally Posted by discojoe View Post
    Yeah, this is my experience. EIEs actually teach me how to feel things, they don't just smooth shit over after I call someone a whore.
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    Most definitely agree with all of the above. I was just pissed off. It's all good now though. lol
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    No, you're just lying to yourself and suffer from chronic reflexive confirmation bias as a result of 3-dom.
    But, for a certainty, back then,
    We loved so many, yet hated so much,
    We hurt others and were hurt ourselves...

    Yet even then, we ran like the wind,
    Whilst our laughter echoed,
    Under cerulean skies...

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    Quote Originally Posted by Joy View Post
    You get used to having someone cover your weak areas and can end up sorta dependent on your dual. And vice versa.
    Joy, it is specialization at work what caused the human beings on this planet to achieve higher standards of living. In the year -54654654654, a person had to fish, hunt, be a soldier, a bricklayer...at the same time, with limited success at most of these fields. Nowadays, people have only one job (unless you are a Superhero: Luke Skywalker, farmer, pilot, Jedi Knight and Captain Solo's friend) and this makes all of us more productive.

    However, it's a good idea to develop one's weak functions. I can't cook
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    Quote Originally Posted by 1981slater View Post
    I can't cook

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    The worst part about duality is that it really fucking sucks if it ends.
    "And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don't believe in magic will never find it." -Roald Dahl

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    Quote Originally Posted by Galen View Post
    The worst part about duality is that it really fucking sucks if it ends.
    You mean when it ends. Everything ends. Every single thing that makes you happy now will cease at some point.

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    Quote Originally Posted by discojoe View Post
    You mean when it ends. Everything ends. Every single thing that makes you happy now will cease at some point.
    you are depressed.
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    But ... it's true. I mean, even if you find some miracle dual out there, eventually there's death to deal with, and probably one of you will die first, leaving the other one behind. Or you could both die together in some catastrophe or just happen to die around the same time, and unless you're quite certain that you're gonna meet up in some afterworld, that's it--finis.

    On the bright side, life is kind of cool, and we value the good stuff in part because it is inevitably going to change or end, or because we can contrast it with past crap.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Goldenwings View Post
    But ... it's true. I mean, even if you find some miracle dual out there, eventually there's death to deal with, and probably one of you will die first, leaving the other one behind. Or you could both die together in some catastrophe or just happen to die around the same time, and unless you're quite certain that you're gonna meet up in some afterworld, that's it--finis.

    On the bright side, life is kind of cool, and we value the good stuff in part because it is inevitably going to change or end, or because we can contrast it with past crap.
    exactly. and because we can have an effect on other people and on the world. we can leave behind all that we've created--whether that be children or art or music...
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    Quote Originally Posted by redbaron View Post
    you are depressed.
    There are so many caveats to what he said that I wouldn't be so sure about that... such as, there will always be new things to replace them, and some of those things will outlast you (so their ending won't affect you).



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    I mean, even if you find some miracle dual out there, eventually there's death to deal with, and probably one of you will die first, leaving the other one behind.
    That's why most people aren't strict atheists. That's why a lot of us believe in after lives, 'heaven', other dimensions- the concept of eternity, reincarnation, etc.

    Or you could both die together in some catastrophe or just happen to die around the same time, and unless you're quite certain that you're gonna meet up in some afterworld, that's it--finis.
    Your death is most likely going to be extremely non-dramatic, and the only people who are gonna care will be the ones who you subjectively touched. As for dying together at the same time, probably not. (that's really not all that romantic to me, personally) You will most likely die of old age in your bed, alone... like everybody else.

    Maybe that's the key in life. To touch as many people as possible in many ways, to get in the hearts of everybody around you. In that way, none of us ever die. But the thing is, people remember bullies and villains just as much as they remember heroes and light-workers. <g>

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    Quote Originally Posted by Brilliand View Post
    There are so many caveats to what he said that I wouldn't be so sure about that... such as, there will always be new things to replace them, and some of those things will outlast you (so their ending won't affect you).
    alright. I guess it was a matter-of-fact statement.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pied Piper View Post
    Surprisingly enough, since I'm with my Dual, such thoughts come to my mind much more rarely than before. Remember that your dual is not the person who you can deify, so neither you can do that with your relationship. It's all just "normal", it's total balance, IME.
    Most people idealize and romaticize relationships and the ideal partner, doing the same thing about the notion of "dual", but this is a mistake.
    A perfectly normal relationship with a perfectly normal person sounds perfectly boring, doesn't it?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Skeptic View Post
    A perfectly normal relationship with a perfectly normal person sounds perfectly boring, doesn't it?
    To me that sounds reassuringly good at the moment.

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    Quote Originally Posted by discojoe View Post
    You mean when it ends. Everything ends. Every single thing that makes you happy now will cease at some point.
    Unless you both die at the exact same time in a state of duality bliss, although such a case would be fairly uncommon.
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    The downside of duality is that they're humans just like everyone else, and imperfect, so there's definitely conflict even though they're the best for you.

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    what perchance could it be then, that maketh a relationship fulfilling?

    Dost this declare that it neither 'tis nor 'tis not thine legendary duality?

    Must it be, yes, a thing greater than the confines of the mighty socionics?

    Alas,


    it is so.


    oooooooooooooooooooo

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    lol
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    infpman and i were saying the other day that we are dualizing in a sense. he said he has become more risk taking, more extraverted since being with me. but he is not sure it's a good thing....since it's Ne type of risk taking. lol.

    when you spend a lot of time with somebody, they rub off on you and you become more like them. this might not be related to duality. but i bet this process feels most congruent with a dual, kind of like, oh this is the woman i always WANTED to be...!!! whereas with a non dual, you'd be like, "is this really me the way i'm acting?"

    in a way duals are in balance with each other but out of balance with others, since they are reinforcing each other's quadra values. how do we compare this process to a non dualized couple? i think there's a certain separation that occurs when the couple is non dualized. kind of like you go deal with those people and i'll deal with these people. you have to translate some of their communication through your own quadra values.

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    It's funny when your dual dies of cancer after you've been with them for fifteen years.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Pied Piper View Post
    It's all just "normal", it's total balance, IME.
    Most people idealize and romaticize relationships and the ideal partner, doing the same thing about the notion of "dual", but this is a mistake.
    It can feel very different with different duals IMO. There are so many other factors than just sociotype. I'm dating a dual at the moment, and yes, duality is there, but is it enough? No, not for me. That's the hard thing. It has to be the right dual, but saying good bye to a dual is hard. Because who knows, maybe stronger feelings will develop, how do I know? Time will tell.

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