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Thread: Worst experience w a dual

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    Default Worst experience w a dual

    What's the worst experience you've ever had in your relationship w a dual?

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    The worst experience with my dual is worth everything.

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    as a child? being taunted (bigotry) by one kid and having a child dual join in.I felt betrayed and like I had no recourse.

    adult? Dual could have been in a relationship with me, but there were missteps on both sides, and he went back to his ex, a conflictor of mine. LOL
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    Quote Originally Posted by polikujm View Post
    The worst experience with my dual is worth everything.
    I actually agree with this. It's the best and worst thing that ever happened to me all wrapped into one, that I would never give away or ever wish to not have experienced it. In fact i feel lucky that I did, not sure if it will ever happen again.
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    I dated a dual with borderline personality disorder for approx 6-7 months (however it seemed like years). She proclaimed multiple times she was going to suicide, she cheated on me because she had "manic" episodes that made her feel like I was worthless compard to her, etc. etc.; I know she has been hospitalized for half a year, some months after I left her; I hope she's alright now, I could see that it wasn't really her "fault" - messed up brain chemistry.
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    ummm I have a few actually, mostly with women, and mostly romantic.

    In high school I had fallen for this girl who I didn't really belong with. She was popular, straight A student, had the next five years of her life planned out, etc. We were out for lunch one day, just the two of us and I felt energitic. She picked up on my energy. It was not an official date but I felt delighted to have some alone time with her. Afterward she dropped me off at home and unfortunately we had a very ackward moment. I was a typical teenage ball of nerves around girls, especially with girls I liked. To my uttery shame I choaked and we just sat there in dead silence. I felt determined to redeem myself but the next time I met her she totally ignored me, which lasted for two weeks, a very drastic change from how flirty she was before. A few weeks later I found out she was making fun of me behind my back by calling me a 'creeper'. A month later, at a spiritual retreat (we went to a catholic school), I found out she had a boyfriend. Admittedly during a prayer session which was based around the topic of dealing with your own sins, she kept staring over at me, she seemed full of regret for all her misceviousness which I partially forgave. A few months later I found out she had been physically abused by her father as a child. We never reconnected even as friends, and I had to put up with her boyfriend trying to call me a cheater and trying to steal 'his' woman, even though it was well known when they were offically dating he had gone down to the tropics and cheated on her and in my defense I did not know she was not single. That had been the worst experience with my dual until the worst experience with my dual happened.

    In more recent history, I had really been attracted to this girl who was my dual. She was popular and very concerned with social status - notice a flaw of mine? We never properly established a relationship, instead we chatted online. I asked her out but she turned me down, citing that I wasn't her type. I didn't give up. I just accepted we were friends but kept showing signs she liked me, which really confused me but after awhile frustrated me. I got fed up and ending up making myself out to be an asshole, so she blocked me. Months later I see her at the bars one night and we make eye contact, then she deliberately goes over to some guy and starts making out with him. I was disgusted with her but I later figured we weren't actually dating so she can do what she likes. I asked a mutual friend to send her a message: "touche", my intention was to show I accepted that we are not meant to be together but I did not want feelings of hostility, and for being an asshole I did deserve that. That was a major turning point. However the situation quickly became muttled.

    To my surprise she pretended to be our mutual friend online which was endearing. Posing as our mutual friend online, she eventually asked whether I really liked her or not and of course I confessed I did. To make a demonstration of how I felt I sent a mix cd to her online, calling it "tragedies do come true - the musical", trying to add much needed humour to the situation. There was specific songs picked to make amends for hurt words shared between us and much of it was a healing process. I felt completley vunerable and it felt great, that was one of the better experiences with my dual for sure, but it was not meant to last.

    We were suppose to meet up at a another friends birthday party but we missed each other so I wanted to send a her another lengthy letter online to explain everything, but our mutual friend said there was no point she wasn't interested. I tried to ask for her phone number but she refused, but for whatever reason, she would accept my phone number even though she never called. I was more than confused at this point. I confronted our mutual friend in an attempt to find out if she had allowed the girl I liked to pose as her but she totally denied it, and I completely freaked out. I wanted to believe her but that made me feel like I was some crazied insane desperate loser who is in love with a woman who does not love me back. I was infuriated with our mutual friend and the girl I liked. Our mutual friend is a ESE too.

    Roughly six months later, I eventually did get to send the letter and apart of me sent it in spite but my intention was to show what she was really turning down and moreso to show that for all my effort I did not get what I deserved. Perhaps this is too surreal but it was like saying: "sure you can punish me for offending you but your incapable of rewarding me for loving you". I'm not sure if she will ever grasp that, I never stated that in the letter, and she might be too shallow to consider why you send a love letter to someone you do not love as my love for her was completely gone at that point. Strange how the original meaning of the letter changed because I never got to send it at the appropriate time.

    To this day our mutual friend has never directly admitted to what she did but instead shows admittance of guilt in phony status updates and the girl that I liked starting stalking me at my local grocery store and bars. Even other mutual friends seem to drop hints ever now and then as if the whole situation has escalated far beyond myself and her.

    Sorry to say but I still just hated her even if she was my dual, maybe that's why I hated her more. ESE have incredible social influence, so if your on their bad sides, you are on everyone's bad side, unless they don't like the particular ESE then you have an immediate friend. Only with time did people start to realize I'm not a crazed love fool and that the power of intuition is real, perhaps even more powerful then dufus looking reason.

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    Some of them seem to thing being unsanitary is funny.

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    Repeated attempts at being pimped for a sandwich build up resentment.

    ...especially because I cannot turn them down...



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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG View Post
    I dated a dual with borderline personality disorder for approx 6-7 months (however it seemed like years). She proclaimed multiple times she was going to suicide, she cheated on me because she had "manic" episodes that made her feel like I was worthless compard to her, etc. etc.; I know she has been hospitalized for half a year, some months after I left her; I hope she's alright now, I could see that it wasn't really her "fault" - messed up brain chemistry.
    my worst experience with a dual was with LSI who was quite similar to this girl in your description. However not as bad.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ryu View Post
    Repeated attempts at being pimped for a sandwich build up resentment.

    ...especially because I cannot turn them down...


    You sell your services for a sandwich? Your dual makes you do this or you do this for your dual? I.E. your dual is the pimp and he get's a cut of the sandwich.
    Easy Day

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    Hey, I like sandwiches.

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    Peoples weaknesses always seem to interfere with duality.
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    To the best of my memory I've only known one ISTp in person. I was in a really bad place emotionally when we met, and I think that affected our relationship. We don't dislike each other, not at all, but we never got all that close I guess.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ryu View Post
    Repeated attempts at being pimped for a sandwich build up resentment.
    LOL I read this as "sandwich build up restaurant" and thought, what, who's trying to pimp UDP for advertising Subway?

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    My worst dual experience was 69ing with an ENFj for half an hour.

    Oh wait, that was actually my best dual experience. My bad.

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    I fell for one, who cut me off. He was very harsh and mean when he did it, like I did not have any value as a human being, as though he did not consider my emotions at all. He strait out, with harsh tone told me to "I changed my mind, I don't want to see you at all"

    It was only after our fourth date. All of our four dates, up to that point were as if this was the most gentle person ever and everything was sailing off with no bumps.

    I never got in touch with him after I heard him say that to me. It's really sad almost pathetic to hear this kind of person is my dual.

    I've met much more mature ones since, thank goodness. I've also learned not to date the alcoholic duals, as they can be very conflicted.
    Last edited by Beautiful sky; 03-11-2011 at 03:08 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Maritsa33 View Post
    I fell for one, who cut me off. He was very harsh and mean when he did it, like I did not have any value as a human being, as though he did not consider my emotions at all. He stait out, with harsh tone told me to "I changed my mind, I don't want to see you at all"

    It was only after our fourth date. All of our four dates, up to that point were as if this was the most gentle person ever and everything was sailing off with no bumps.

    I never got in touch with him after I heard him say that to me. It's really sad almost pathetic to hear this kind of person is my dual.

    I've met much more mature ones since, thank goodness. I've also learned not to date the alcoholic duals, as they can be very conflicted.
    maybe he realised your true nature

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    Quote Originally Posted by mercutio View Post
    maybe he realised your true nature
    which is what?

    I think it was clear to me that he had a combination of trust issues and not wanting a relationship. He was very paranoid about who I was and where I lived.
    Last edited by Beautiful sky; 07-21-2010 at 05:44 AM.

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    i met this one that I thought was kind of crazy once. she was like obssessive and thought she knew a lot about certain things, and tried to force stuff on me, and other people, too. it was kind of weird. she was really a nice girl though, it just took her a while to get comfortable with things.

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    Yet there was another one who did not serve his role at all; usually, or classically, my duals are supposed to be protective, stoic, and chivalous; this one was the total opposite.
    So they have me going:

    On the brighter note, both my cousin and my friend Alex are the type who will stick up for me.


    Quote Originally Posted by Ryu View Post
    i met this one that I thought was kind of crazy once. she was like obssessive and thought she knew a lot about certain things, and tried to force stuff on me, and other people, too. it was kind of weird. she was really a nice girl though, it just took her a while to get comfortable with things.
    Probably to get you to commit or to tell her how you felt about/towards her. Maybe that was her way of telling you that she likes you or to get a sence that there were prospects of a relationship. INFj get into deep thoughts, may seem obsessive to you. I could say "so what", but then I would have to look at the picture from the other way around; what's natural to INFj's, it seems, is not natural to our duals; there's that polerity again. It's unfortunate that there needs to be so much understanding about what, why, or how one's dual thinks in order for there to be this "dualizing".
    Last edited by Beautiful sky; 07-21-2010 at 07:43 AM.

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    I actually have none, but I think my duals have negative experiences with me ignoring them

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    Something like this:

    ESTp uncovered

    A female ESTp comes home...

    - Hey, darling, I'm home!
    - Cool!
    - Don't you want to come and give me a kiss?
    - Yeah, in a minute!
    - Is something wrong?
    - No, nothing's wrong!
    - Are you not happy to see me?
    - Of course I am happy to see you!
    - So why don't you want to come then?
    - I do, let me just finish something first!
    - Is it more important to you than me?
    - Oh, please, don't start!
    - You don't love me, I know!
    - Of course I do, don't be silly!
    - If you loved me, you wouldn't do this to me!
    - Do what?
    - This!
    - Just because I can't drop everything right this second, I don't love you?
    - Not this!
    - Then what?
    - You don't want me anymore!
    - What? Where does this come from?
    - You should know better!
    - Give me at least a hint!
    - See? Now you are mad at me too! You hate me!
    - I am not mad at you and I don't hate you! Now stop it!
    - And you don't love me either!
    - I love you, I love you, I love you! How many more times I have to say this?
    - You don't mean it!
    - I love you and I mean it! Now stop this nonsense, I have had enough of it!
    - Maybe you have had enough of me too?
    - Maybe...
    Except, switch the female SLE with a male. It's only happened once though, in the beginning, as a result of me being exhausted. I was confused. Also, if you sit down somewhere that's not close to them they'll be like "why are you so far " I don't really mind that, though.
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    Oh good a bump.

    That ISTp I talked about before, we're actually good friends now. Figures, lol. But now there's this other guy, who I presume is ISTp although I could be wrong, and he seems to dislike me for some reason. He would act passive-aggressively around me, saying shit like "I'm not talking to you" at the slightest sentence directed at him. Sometimes I have dreams where he just acts out towards me in very subtle ways, and I confront him about it by shouting at him in total fury, haha.
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    (Hm, this is a lot like that other thread but I guess I'll post it here.)

    I recently saw my aunt who is ESE. She is the kind of ESE whose good intentions often turn into pointless meddling. When I just saw her, she made a big deal out of the fact that I don't have a car or a driver's license. She tried to use , saying that it "limits my options" or something, but I suspect it just violates what seems "normal" to her (really more or maybe ).

    We had a long and stupid argument and I don't really understand why she felt it was any of her business whether I have a car or not. I'm perfectly happy with my lifestyle.

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    I basically sent my dual a long letter which included a section about how I think love is the most important thing in the world, at least for me, and that I'd feel lost without someone to love (friends, significant other, etc.).

    I think he interpreted it as "I am needy and all my self-worth comes from having a romantic partner." So he basically proceeded to tell me that I'm ridiculous and obviously emotionally unstable. Even used the word "psycho." I felt like shit. I was thinking, "Here I am, letting you into my world, so-to-speak, and I'm so sure that you'll like it even if you don't understand... and I was wrong." Sometimes I get in this mode of thinking that he'll just be glad to know how much I care, but then his response is, "Woah, that's too much, tone it down." No tolerance for lol.
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