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Thread: How to care for a stressed out ENFp

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    Default How to care for a stressed out ENFp

    So my IEE friend has been posting some pretty emo stuff at the moment on facebook. Anyways I was talking to one of my friends asking what's up with her and apparently she is stressed out about work interviews and applying for them etc etc. I thought something was seriously wrong with her and when I found out I was like "is that all it is?!" but I guess being a LSI this thing is playing to my strengths than hers.

    So I'm just wondering how to go about helping her, more emotionally than anything else. What would a caregiver/their dual do?? Any suggestions welcome

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    escaping anndelise's Avatar
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    Take her for a walk on a trail or such. Or something that will softly exhaust the body, and her mind will soon follow. Allow her to talk about it if she wants to talk about it, without interrupting her. Maybe ask her some questions that might guide her to some possible solutions, but be careful of this as she may have already thought of quite a few possible solutions. Don't give her advice, she's probably heard it all before. Most likely she'll need a little help defining the exact problems, and figuring out which ones would be her priority for working on. If she can only fix one of the issues, which one would she fix, and then help her figure out next step actions to take. Or better, what one small thing could she do, one simple action, that would provide the greatest benefit.

    If she's IEE, she'll probably need a chance to vent the pressure off. Venting can take the form of physical activity (walking, swimming, dancing, etc) or talking. Once the pressure is vented some, her mind will clear a bit, and she'll be able to look at the problems with clearer eyes.

    Of course, figuring a solution and implementing it are two different things. So help her figure out the very small next steps she can take to get into the proper direction..but without having to plan out every detail before she can take that step.

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    Quote Originally Posted by anndelise View Post
    Take her for a walk on a trail or such. Or something that will softly exhaust the body, and her mind will soon follow. Allow her to talk about it if she wants to talk about it, without interrupting her. Maybe ask her some questions that might guide her to some possible solutions, but be careful of this as she may have already thought of quite a few possible solutions. Don't give her advice, she's probably heard it all before. Most likely she'll need a little help defining the exact problems, and figuring out which ones would be her priority for working on. If she can only fix one of the issues, which one would she fix, and then help her figure out next step actions to take. Or better, what one small thing could she do, one simple action, that would provide the greatest benefit.

    If she's IEE, she'll probably need a chance to vent the pressure off. Venting can take the form of physical activity (walking, swimming, dancing, etc) or talking. Once the pressure is vented some, her mind will clear a bit, and she'll be able to look at the problems with clearer eyes.

    Of course, figuring a solution and implementing it are two different things. So help her figure out the very small next steps she can take to get into the proper direction..but without having to plan out every detail before she can take that step.


    All of this is something my mom just doesn't understand about me.
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    Quote Originally Posted by LokiVanguard View Post
    feed her cake
    if you're gonna go the food route, then starch/carbs will induce that feel good chemical, there are healthier carbs than cake though

    but that's one of the added benefits of going for a walk...it will induce feel good chemicals as well, while exhausting the body instead of screwing with the blood sugar levels and those consequences.

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    Quote Originally Posted by LokiVanguard View Post
    feed her dick
    Fixed.
    <Crispy> what subt doesnt understand is that a healthy reaction to "FUCK YOU" is and not

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    Quote Originally Posted by thePirate View Post
    Fixed.
    That's not even funny.
    “Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”

    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly
    You've done yourself a huge favor developmentally by mustering the balls to do something really fucking scary... in about the most vulnerable situation possible.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Parkster View Post
    That's not even funny.
    it wasn't meant to be.
    <Crispy> what subt doesnt understand is that a healthy reaction to "FUCK YOU" is and not

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    Quote Originally Posted by thePirate View Post
    it wasn't meant to be.
    You're quite immature sometimes, you know that? How old are you?
    “Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”

    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly
    You've done yourself a huge favor developmentally by mustering the balls to do something really fucking scary... in about the most vulnerable situation possible.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Parkster View Post
    You're quite immature sometimes, you know that? How old are you?
    Relax.
    <Crispy> what subt doesnt understand is that a healthy reaction to "FUCK YOU" is and not

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    Quote Originally Posted by thePirate View Post
    Relax.
    I'm quite relaxed.
    “Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”

    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly
    You've done yourself a huge favor developmentally by mustering the balls to do something really fucking scary... in about the most vulnerable situation possible.

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    i'll tear down the sky Mattie's Avatar
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    Though this varies person to person, I personally like it when others let me vent, and allow me to just say things because I want to get it out of my system. I don't necessarily need someone to go through everything I say and try to figure it out (that would just annoy me) but take the overall gist of why I'm really upset and help it. When I'm actually really upset, the problem that set me off isn't the one that has actually be stressing me out. A lot of the times you have to find out two things about what's bothering me: What's the core problem that I've been trying to keep inside and deal with, and what overall (and not necessarily related) thing has been chipping my defenses and therefore ability to hold in my problem. So, for example, I might be frustrated with a friend not returning calls, flaking on plans, etc but flip out on him because work and school have been picking up, and then he happened to call just after a really long shift at work that something happened at and blast him. Sometimes I feel guilty because the emotion that I'm communicating with is usually the result of the temporary stress I'm under, but I still feel justified since I've been trying to deal with the problem without being nagging as long as I could. And I find with certain types of people, they only can tell something's really wrong when you do kinda flip out.

    One thing I HATED was when someone tells me that I'm either seeking attention or victimizing myself when I'm upset, because they personally feel like my reaction is disproportionate to what I'm upset about. This may be true if they only have the present context, but I usually have weeks of frustration about something build up before something like this would happen.

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    @shakealittle: You can take the advice from my lovable duals from above, or... you can tell her to register on this forum and help her lose it completely.
    “Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”

    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly
    You've done yourself a huge favor developmentally by mustering the balls to do something really fucking scary... in about the most vulnerable situation possible.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
    Though this varies person to person, I personally like it when others let me vent, and allow me to just say things because I want to get it out of my system. I don't necessarily need someone to go through everything I say and try to figure it out (that would just annoy me) but take the overall gist of why I'm really upset and help it. When I'm actually really upset, the problem that set me off isn't the one that has actually be stressing me out. A lot of the times you have to find out two things about what's bothering me: What's the core problem that I've been trying to keep inside and deal with, and what overall (and not necessarily related) thing has been chipping my defenses and therefore ability to hold in my problem. So, for example, I might be frustrated with a friend not returning calls, flaking on plans, etc but flip out on him because work and school have been picking up, and then he happened to call just after a really long shift at work that something happened at and blast him. Sometimes I feel guilty because the emotion that I'm communicating with is usually the result of the temporary stress I'm under, but I still feel justified since I've been trying to deal with the problem without being nagging as long as I could. And I find with certain types of people, they only can tell something's really wrong when you do kinda flip out.

    One thing I HATED was when someone tells me that I'm either seeking attention or victimizing myself when I'm upset, because they personally feel like my reaction is disproportionate to what I'm upset about. This may be true if they only have the present context, but I usually have weeks of frustration about something build up before something like this would happen.
    You shouldn't have changed your screen name, I liked it. A lot. Are you feeling stressed out, honey? Wanna vent? Call me.
    “Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”

    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly
    You've done yourself a huge favor developmentally by mustering the balls to do something really fucking scary... in about the most vulnerable situation possible.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
    Though this varies person to person, I personally like it when others let me vent, and allow me to just say things because I want to get it out of my system. I don't necessarily need someone to go through everything I say and try to figure it out (that would just annoy me) but take the overall gist of why I'm really upset and help it.
    Hm. Yeah.

    There was a situation where an IEE was tired/stressed, and she sort of brought up something to complain about. She actually asked me to comment on it, specifically. I feel like it's not something she'd usually say, but, something that comes out even more so in that sense.


    When I'm actually really upset, the problem that set me off isn't the one that has actually be stressing me out. A lot of the times you have to find out two things about what's bothering me: What's the core problem that I've been trying to keep inside and deal with, and what overall (and not necessarily related) thing has been chipping my defenses and therefore ability to hold in my problem. So, for example, I might be frustrated with a friend not returning calls, flaking on plans, etc but flip out on him because work and school have been picking up, and then he happened to call just after a really long shift at work that something happened at and blast him. Sometimes I feel guilty because the emotion that I'm communicating with is usually the result of the temporary stress I'm under, but I still feel justified since I've been trying to deal with the problem without being nagging as long as I could. And I find with certain types of people, they only can tell something's really wrong when you do kinda flip out.
    This is tremendous advice - it is good of you to share it.

    (it's especially something men should try to understand in regard to communication with women)

    But also to IEEs / regardless of gender


    One thing I HATED was when someone tells me that I'm either seeking attention or victimizing myself when I'm upset, because they personally feel like my reaction is disproportionate to what I'm upset about. This may be true if they only have the present context, but I usually have weeks of frustration about something build up before something like this would happen.
    mhm

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
    One thing I HATED was when someone tells me that I'm either seeking attention or victimizing myself when I'm upset, because they personally feel like my reaction is disproportionate to what I'm upset about. This may be true if they only have the present context, but I usually have weeks of frustration about something build up before something like this would happen.
    Yeah I can relate to this. I'm not quite sure what people think they're accomplishing when they say things like this. Even if someone doesn't quite grasp the reaction there's really no need to use that as an opportunity to make dickish remarks; it's like kicking someone when they're already down
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