Another typing

[Expat]

Right, this is one typing that has completely baffled me.

This girl was the girlfriend of a very good friend of mine. I'm convinced he's INFj.

So, about her and their relationship - - I met her, but I don't know her very well.

They stayed together for some 3 years but the INFj often thought of leaving her. His main complaint is, "she's too bossy". Very early in the relationship he tried to break up but she broke into tears so much that he backed down.

In school she enjoyed debating and even took part in debating contests, mainly about political issues. She was known as "very political". I chatted about politics with her once, briefly. She uses a mix of , and - often being very assertive to make the point, saying things like "that's how it is, period" etc.

She can be very talkative and joyful. Also, she's very adventurous -- she was the one who pushed him into going with her abroad for temporary work just after university.

So I considered for a while ESTp logical subtype or ESTj. I could see her easily as either. But the problem is that that would make her either my friend's conflictor or dual. After considering the issue a lot, I thought that it was more likely that they were conflictors since he never felt anything like duality with her -- there was always an edge.

However, after a while, discussing the sexual behavior groups with him (not going very deep), it seemed to me that she could not be an Aggressor and he confirmed. He agreed that he seemed to be infantile and could not see her as aggressor. So she seemed to be either Careful or Infantile herself.

Taking that into account, the types that seemed to fit her personality the most would be either ESTj or ESFj. But then we'd either have a duality that failed miserably or an ESFj very interested in heated political debates (again, in debate competitions) who often said what she thought without much concern about . But apart from this characteristic, she could well be ESFj IMO. But none of the other ESFjs I know enjoyed that kind of discussion so much.

Any suggestions?

[Rick]

Assuming he is EII, it's very hard to imagine an SLE breaking into tears about this, and I doubt an LSE would be caught in this position to begin with. Consider looking at EIE or ESE??

[Expat]

Yes, I considered ESE (ESFj) as you can see above -- what doesn't fit is her fascination for - political debates.

The problem with EIE (ENFj) is that then she'd be a Victim, and if there is anything at all to that she'd be unhappy with an Infantile. Besides, both he and I think she's more likely a sensor than intuitive.

[anndelise]

They stayed together for some 3 years but the INFj often thought of leaving her. His main complaint is, "she's too bossy". Very early in the relationship he tried to break up but she broke into tears so much that he backed down.

In school she enjoyed debating and even took part in debating contests, mainly about political issues. She was known as "very political". I chatted about politics with her once, briefly. She uses a mix of , and - often being very assertive to make the point, saying things like "that's how it is, period" etc.

She can be very talkative and joyful. Also, she's very adventurous -- she was the one who pushed him into going with her abroad for temporary work just after university.

So I considered for a while ESTp logical subtype or ESTj. I could see her easily as either. But the problem is that that would make her either my friend's conflictor or dual. After considering the issue a lot, I thought that it was more likely that they were conflictors since he never felt anything like duality with her -- there was always an edge.

However, after a while, discussing the sexual behavior groups with him (not going very deep), it seemed to me that she could not be an Aggressor and he confirmed. He agreed that he seemed to be infantile and could not see her as aggressor. So she seemed to be either Careful or Infantile herself.

Taking that into account, the types that seemed to fit her personality the most would be either ESTj or ESFj. But then we'd either have a duality that failed miserably or an ESFj very interested in heated political debates (again, in debate competitions) who often said what she thought without much concern about . But apart from this characteristic, she could well be ESFj IMO. But none of the other ESFjs I know enjoyed that kind of discussion so much.

Any suggestions?

I think ESFj is a viable option including the political discussions. When thinking about Fe as being the emotions, motives, desires of those outside herself....or in an ESFj version..the norms...then what you say fits well. The mixing of arguing characteristics suggests that that was how she learned to do it. Ending with "and that's just the way it is" suggests that she might have a difficult time going beyond what she was taught (both content as well as argument style).

One of my good friends is an ESFj (a neurotic one, admittedly).
In her younger years (she is 45 now), she was very adventurous and did numerous...socially unacceptable...things....all for very socially acceptable reasons/requirements.
We could never agree regarding any kind of politics (including family based politics).
She couldn't get past the "This is the way it's supposed to be...Period." (social norms being the ideal) No matter how many times I pointed out that that wasn't the way it IS nor every WAS.