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Thread: I've made the decision ~ to believe in love again

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    Default I've made the decision ~ to believe in love again

    Yes, after having my heart scorched and salted by women who really didn't give a damn, I have resolved to find true love.

    According to Michael Sternberg, true love has three components:
    • intimacy
    • passion
    • commitment


    I don't think the triangle is complete, because it doesn't include a sense of harmony. Love is not just about being there for each other. No, real love is about enjoying being there for each other, about not being bothered about doing things for another because helping that person is a natural inclination. Soulmates feel a sense of genuine reward for helping each other, so much that they want to do more of it. It's about learning to live for someone else, where one need not worry about one's own needs because one's partner has them covered already.

    It's also about unconditional acceptance: the one enjoys and cherishes the nature of the other, and is ready -- genuinely desires -- to defend that nature. Together with harmony, commitment is enriched and fixated on mutual desire. Sex, if possible, is sought after. Partners are neither trinkets for each other nor... they are objects of mutual obsession. And yet, this obsession is not genuinely mental... it is instinctual. A circumstantial thing where when one partner offers themselves to the other the recipient either replies or is distressed for the refusal. To put it in perspective, if one partner wants to engage in intimate acts in a public place, then the refusal of the other partner, when there is true love, is not an act of self-vindication but of regret, for when love is true it is not the enemy of society.

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    nice, tcaud! I like it.

    (sorry about the heart-scorchings)
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    Someone please lock tcaudilllg inside an adamantium cage.

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    Quote Originally Posted by discojoe View Post
    adamantium cage.
    had to look that up.
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    No tcaud. No. I have to put a stop to this right now. This is just being idealistic which will only make you dissapointed. People are going to let you down. If you put faith in people, they will always abandon it. Always. Without exception. No matter how faggy romantic close you guys are.

    Women are much more attracted to you just being cool and confident and making fun of others because it helps distract them from their own pain. Not in a bullying way though more in just a fun lively way. Only gay men locked up in Starr Commonwealth like your sort of idealized version of love, only because their massive low self-confidence is telling them that are not worthy for any kind of love.

    Love has to be something that you already got otherwise what's the point? I mean it's useless to think of 'good things are coming on their way' if they actually are NOT coming their way. That will only make things much worse. It's okay to be all Fefe Dobson-ish if you just KNOW that things will work out with a person eventually , then that's kind of silly and fun and loving, but if you're just hoping and wishing and praying you're not going to make any woman respect you.

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    Haikus Beautiful sky's Avatar
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    Love is a beautiful thing and close relationships are wonderful...

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    Let's fly now Gilly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by discojoe View Post
    Someone please lock tcaudilllg inside an adamantium cage.

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    Let's fly now Gilly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Maritsa33 View Post
    Love is a beautiful thing and close relationships are wonderful...
    what the fuck is wrong with you

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    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly View Post
    what the fuck is wrong with you
    Why do you ask?
    (on cloud 9)
    Last edited by Beautiful sky; 06-05-2010 at 08:00 AM.

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    Love has a donkey's ass for a face, but hey, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Going for the passionate route leads to being abusive or abused, but some people find that ideal and is into that kind of kinky stuff, more power to them. I would take notes from aixelsyd's post and the first paragraph of BulletsAndDoves'. It seems about right.

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    Let's fly now Gilly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Maritsa33 View Post
    Why do you ask?
    (on cloud 9)
    Your statement just struck me as sort of blindly understated. As a writer, I see it as a crime to speak of something subjective unless you are willing to do it proper justice.

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    Haikus Beautiful sky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly View Post
    Your statement just struck me as sort of blindly understated. As a writer, I see it as a crime to speak of something subjective unless you are willing to do it proper justice.

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    Quote Originally Posted by BulletsAndDoves View Post
    No tcaud. No. I have to put a stop to this right now. This is just being idealistic which will only make you dissapointed. People are going to let you down. If you put faith in people, they will always abandon it. Always. Without exception. No matter how faggy romantic close you guys are.
    Quote Originally Posted by aixelsyd View Post
    Dude, quit wasting your time. It's a lie. 90% of us women treat scorching and salting the hearts of men as a sport. Get a good pay check and be good at fixing appliances and you'll snag a hot chick. But asking for love...boy, that's pushing it, y'know. Take it from the horse's mouth.
    Dammit .. what's wrong with you people? I bet you feed on fairies and cute puppies and the innocent hopes of children.
    "Language is the Rubicon that divides man from beast."

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    I'm the admin, you know; I see your Te symbol. When will you realize that LSEs aren't the only people in the world who know how to be direct about their feelings?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Maritsa33 View Post
    Love is a beautiful thing and close relationships are wonderful...
    agreed.love and trust is better ,happier and truer than any amount of fear and cynicism. It is true that if we open our hearts we become vulnerable, and all the pain that we have within us becomes exposed and bought to the surface, yet this is the only way to heal and to grow.

    Love is awesome.
    IEE-Ne

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    INTp

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    I like this version from Across the Universe:
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    I love love, love.

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    Dammit .. what's wrong with you people?
    I spent at least 3 years in my early 20s idealizing everybody. And it got me absolutely nowhere. It just doesn't work. You have to love the dark sides of a person and all of them 'warts and all' if you're going to have a relationship with anybody. You have to accept their flaws.

    It's better to see people exactly as they are, and that way if they do change they can pleasantly surprise you. It does not do one lick of good idealizing because that's always a let down. A lot of times how you've constructed somebody in your head isn't even real or the truth... I guess being in love with a fantasy though can be motivation, but then people try to apply that fakeness to a real person. It's just ugh.

    Being cynical is the opposite of idealism and just as bad. I'm talking about just accepting and liking somebody for 100% who they are.

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    Quote Originally Posted by aixelsyd View Post
    Dude, quit wasting your time. It's a lie. 90% of us women treat scorching and salting the hearts of men as a sport. Get a good pay check and be good at fixing appliances and you'll snag a hot chick. But asking for love...boy, that's pushing it, y'know. Take it from the horse's mouth.



    Actually, a lot of us are attracted to money, competence, and hot bodies. But being overly nice but self-pitying does not equate an image of competence while being an asshole does more so and so this is where the nice guys finish last myth comes from. It's rather, the poor and incompetent and ugly men finish last. Eventually the assholes get what they deserve and then resort to intimidation to keep the wife from walking out or they brainwash her with ideas that divorce is evil and shit. So a successful and competent nice guy is ideal. But if he bitches and moans, then that makes us feel like assholes our selves when we vent about our feelings.
    holy shit you are cynical. i mean, yeah i see what you are saying, but if you put your intentions clearly out to the universe what you seek will come to you. if tcaud is ready to seek love, i say giddyap and good for him.

    if you build it she will come. period.

    ILE

    those who are easily shocked.....should be shocked more often

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    Quote Originally Posted by Blaze View Post
    if you build it she will come. period.
    Unless it's a shrine made out of her hair.

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    I don't get the negativity here either. I mean, he's just saying that there ought to be harmony. In addition to commitment, passion and intimacy. What is so outrageous or wrong about that? Seems like that's basically what socionics is about re: intertype relations. Who will you harmonize best with? Who will you enjoy being yourself with the most? Who is going to appreciate who you are? Cause trust me, you can have passion between any two types. Commitment between any two types. Intimacy... between many of the two types, perhaps not all. But true harmony is more subtle. And it's either there or it's not.
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    Quote Originally Posted by redbaron View Post
    I don't get the negativity here either. I mean, he's just saying that there ought to be harmony. In addition to commitment, passion and intimacy. What is so outrageous or wrong about that? Seems like that's basically what socionics is about re: intertype relations. Who will you harmonize best with? Who will you enjoy being yourself with the most? Who is going to appreciate who you are? Cause trust me, you can have passion between any two types. Commitment between any two types. Intimacy... between many of the two types, perhaps not all. But true harmony is more subtle. And it's either there or it's not.
    Yeah BABY!!!!!!!!!!
    NO ONE CHOULD HAVE SAID IT BETTER.
    They should put that in the description of duality.

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    I love love again.

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    "I love. I have loved. I will love." --I Capture the Castle, unless it was said elsewhere first.

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    Quote Originally Posted by BulletsAndDoves View Post
    I spent at least 3 years in my early 20s idealizing everybody. And it got me absolutely nowhere. It just doesn't work. You have to love the dark sides of a person and all of them 'warts and all' if you're going to have a relationship with anybody. You have to accept their flaws.

    It's better to see people exactly as they are, and that way if they do change they can pleasantly surprise you. It does not do one lick of good idealizing because that's always a let down. A lot of times how you've constructed somebody in your head isn't even real or the truth... I guess being in love with a fantasy though can be motivation, but then people try to apply that fakeness to a real person. It's just ugh.

    Being cynical is the opposite of idealism and just as bad. I'm talking about just accepting and liking somebody for 100% who they are.
    In theory, I'd have to agree.. though perhaps your words mean something different to you than they do to me. :-p I don't think that essentially giving a damn about someone else to the point of placing their needs at least on a par to your own is that unreachable of an ideal in the slightest. And tcaud wasn't talking about putting people on pedestals. If I may be so bold as to quote him, "It's also about unconditional acceptance: the one enjoys and cherishes the nature of the other..."
    Quote Originally Posted by aixelsyd View Post
    Am I that transparent?
    Aww I'm sure you're just all talk. :-p
    "Language is the Rubicon that divides man from beast."

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    are you sure DECISION is a right word for that?
    Sincerely Yours,

    Beyond the clouds. Beyond the sun.

    The Rebel without a cause.

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    Well the overall problem in failed marriages is basically that a lot of people don't stick to the DECISION of loving each other, as though they can find something better to do than be an asshole, basically.

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    aw, what happened to your gf tacud?
    Quote Originally Posted by jxrtes View Post
    betas should be kept in zoos for children to stare and throw pop corn at.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Starfall View Post
    aw, what happened to your gf tacud?
    Oh CuteENFJ? We broke up.

    Quote Originally Posted by polikujm
    Well the overall problem in failed marriages is basically that a lot of people don't stick to the DECISION of loving each other, as though they can find something better to do than be an asshole, basically.
    This love is not something that is decided upon, more like surrendered to. Mutually. Like Romeo and Juliet.

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    Quote Originally Posted by BulletsAndDoves View Post
    I spent at least 3 years in my early 20s idealizing everybody. And it got me absolutely nowhere. It just doesn't work. You have to love the dark sides of a person and all of them 'warts and all' if you're going to have a relationship with anybody. You have to accept their flaws.

    It's better to see people exactly as they are, and that way if they do change they can pleasantly surprise you. It does not do one lick of good idealizing because that's always a let down. A lot of times how you've constructed somebody in your head isn't even real or the truth... I guess being in love with a fantasy though can be motivation, but then people try to apply that fakeness to a real person. It's just ugh.

    Being cynical is the opposite of idealism and just as bad. I'm talking about just accepting and liking somebody for 100% who they are.
    I know what you mean but what you haven't considered is the following. Potential. What I mean by that, is not just simply seeing the person in the present, but seeing the person for what they could be in the future or what they desire to be in the future. Sometimes love can be attached to that mutual pursuit of a lofty ideal goal.

    Really I think it works in stages, as a child your innocent and a bit naive, anything of beauty and anyone who is nice immediately seems to you to be noble and good. After a while you start discovering things aren't so noble and good that simply appear nice, you know the whole thing like "ohh what a beautiful plant! oh wait its poisonous!". With people its different, you see behind the faccade, you see the selfish and what not nature in them... sure she is smiling at me, but its not an innocent expression, she wants my attention to seem more desirable to that other guy she really likes but who will probably treat her like shit and make her go make him a sandwhich 10 years down the line. That sort of thing. Anyways the way I think you recover from that is being dedicated to the memory of that persons innocence and dedicated to their ideals and future goals. Aka seeing the core and the best in the person, and interacting with them in such a way that that can grow and you can both be lifted up and prosper. In fact I'd say this is one of the biggest delusions people have about reality. They have two seperate modes; fantasy and reality, and they can't build a bridge between them. To me nothing is more gratifying than being able to do that, take some vision in my head and see it in reality, its partially the essence of creativity, to be in love to me is to share that vision of something and create it mutually. A vision like hapiness and prosperity in terms of romantic love. Or if your talking society, a vision like justice and harmony.

    I feel like I am cynical in looking at reality, but in looking towards the future I am optimistic. I am fairly content with that outlook, although its more complex than that simple one sentence explanation. I don't like to sugar coat reality, but I do like to envision things as if they were different.

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    It's not good to sugarcoat another's nature. Take it for what it is, and if it is more harmful for you than good then look for another.

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    Quote Originally Posted by tcaudilllg View Post
    Oh CuteENFJ? We broke up.



    This love is not something that is decided upon, more like surrendered to. Mutually. Like Romeo and Juliet.
    Hey tcaudillg if you don't recall, they both DIED at the end because they were foolish and immature in love.

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    Quote Originally Posted by aixelsyd View Post
    Am I that transparent?




    You and Blaze got trolled. This forum never gets old.

    Haha, it rhymes.

    But seriously, you guys are adorable to mess with.
    there's something seriously wrong with you

    ILE

    those who are easily shocked.....should be shocked more often

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    Quote Originally Posted by mercutio View Post
    Hey tcaudillg if you don't recall, they both DIED at the end because they were foolish and immature in love.
    yea bitch got what she deserved, she ordered a main course of love, but forgot it came with a complimentary desert; death.

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    They died because they refused to take control of their destinies. They could have eloped; they didn't. So they got consumed by forces bigger than them and died.

    It wasn't for love that they died, but rebellion.

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