bobbybeam's type questioning

[bobbybeam]

It seems to me that whenever I am on here I am begging for help, but I need to know, I am desperate!
I always thought that I was an IEE and now I am being questioned for being an EIE.
I am worried! If I am not an IEE, my whole world will be warped! I need reassurance and help!

Can any of you ask me questions or give me websites or anything to help me out?

Any help will be greatly appreciated

[Mattie]

Go to the wikisocion (here) or Rick's Socionics website (here), both not flawless but probably the best info you can get as a beginner, and learn about the IEs and function placements. Understand them individually and then start to put together the information to get a clear picture of types (for example, you first need to understand and the leading function before you can understand -leading). NeFi and FeNi are completely different, make sure you aren't confusing MBTI descriptions with Socionics types, as they are similar in that typing system, which I have a feeling is happening in your case (I would find it more likely to be confused with being an NiFe since the NeFi block exists in that type as well). The best way to type is to ask for evidence... What is the evidence that is in the creative and is in the suggestive? The more evidence you find for these types of questions, the more likely you'll be able to ascertain your type.

[Suz]

It seems to me that whenever I am on here I am begging for help, but I need to know, I am desperate!
I always thought that I was an IEE and now I am being questioned for being an EIE.
I am worried! If I am not an IEE, my whole world will be warped! I need reassurance and help!

Can any of you ask me questions or give me websites or anything to help me out?

Any help will be greatly appreciated

I remember seeing a picture of you and you seemed to look like an IEE. And your posts come across IEE to me too. What prompted the EIE proposal?

IEE and EIE are quasi's so it's not surprising someone might think one is the other and vice versa.

Are you Fi-valuing or Fe-valuing?

Are you Si-valuing or Se-valuing?

Those are two easy ways to tell the difference.

Another thing:

Are you more beta or more delta? Do you prefer one-on-one interactions or big group interactions where people are laughing loudly? Do you have a more teenager mindset (e.g. rebelliousness) or elderly person mindset (e.g. likes peace and quiet, making do with the current order, dry intellectual discussions)?

[bobbybeam]

Go to the wikisocion (here) or Rick's Socionics website (here), both not flawless but probably the best info you can get as a beginner, and learn about the IEs and function placements. Understand them individually and then start to put together the information to get a clear picture of types (for example, you first need to understand and the leading function before you can understand -leading). NeFi and FeNi are completely different, make sure you aren't confusing MBTI descriptions with Socionics types, as they are similar in that typing system, which I have a feeling is happening in your case (I would find it more likely to be confused with being an NiFe since the NeFi block exists in that type as well). The best way to type is to ask for evidence... What is the evidence that is in the creative and is in the suggestive? The more evidence you find for these types of questions, the more likely you'll be able to ascertain your type.

I used Rick's socionics site and this helped a lot!
I definitely am not focused on "'external self-expression.' This is a striving to express externally the urges, passions, and desires one experiences internally. EIEs like to continually draw attention to themselves by making unexpected, abrubt statements, using unusual words or intonations, developing a striking outward appearance, and otherwise sticking out of the 'dull crowd'."
"EIEs are as much or more interested in their image and others' emotional response to them as in the productivity of their work itself. They strive to be stimulating, captivating, and riveting in whatever they do. They have a great need to evoke an emotional response in other people."
Not me either-I do not care about image, I am all about my product and hard work! I do not need admiration from others, though I do enjoy when a respected teacher or someone in the field gives me credit for doing something well, but I do not do things well because I get recognition, I do it because it is in me to do so!

I remember seeing a picture of you and you seemed to look like an IEE. And your posts come across IEE to me too. What prompted the EIE proposal?

One of the members in the forum had suggested EIE for a number of different reasons. She thought I was a beta because I put people in their place when they needed to be...umm but I did it for protection and not just because. I am very tolerant with people, but when they cross a line such as being malicious or disrespecting me multiple times, I will not let them to continue to hurt me like that.

"EIEs reject the idea of basing their lives on "being productive, rational, and useful," choosing instead to do as their passions dictate."
This is not me either!

Are you Fi-valuing or Fe-valuing?

I think that I am Fi-valuing. I do not place high value on outward displays of emotion. They are unnecessary. I like to do it for fun, so they usually do not mean anything to me at all. I mean obviously if I get mad or something and I am in the company of my dad, mom, or sister, I will express anger and stuff, but when I am having a good time, I do not need to express an emotion.

"This focus on self-expression stimulates others around them to also be more expressive and focused on what they are feeling. The EIE usually leads in this process, having the richest arsenal of feelings and means of expressing them."
No, I really do focus on trying to be more rational. I mean, I hate it when others are emotionless and when I mean emotionless, I mean lacking the concern and care for others in a deep way. But when I am dealing with a communication problem or sorting out problems within groups of people and such, I try to be logical, fair, and level headed (even tempered) so we can fix the problems and not offend anyone.

Are you Si-valuing or Se-valuing?
I think that I am Si-valuing. I enjoy the little pleasures in life like the way a massage makes my body feel, the way music gets me going (I am very picky with music), the way stretching makes me feel-these things calm me down and take my mind off of everything else that I am thinking about.

I cannot seem to find my dual anywhere (SLI), so I find that things like these make me feel the way my dual would. I must admit, I do enjoy a little bit of marijuana, too when I am not in school (like now) because it gets me in such a relaxed state of mind and body. I do not get so worried when I am in big groups of people or anything.
I really think that I am IEE! I was so worried!

Another thing:

Are you more beta or more delta? Do you prefer one-on-one interactions or big group interactions where people are laughing loudly? Do you have a more teenager mindset (e.g. rebelliousness) or elderly person mindset (e.g. likes peace and quiet, making do with the current order, dry intellectual discussions)?

Delta Delta Delta! I know this for sure! I enjoy small groups and tend to be more one-on-one. The biggest groups that I like are no more than 6 and if I do not know certain members in the group, I am still a little awkward, though I do try to mingle and carry on-it is very forced, but done in a nice way because I do not want them to feel that they are not liked.
When I am in a setting with good music and if I know say 1 person extremely well (my sister-she eases me a bit, not her type, but her personally), 1 person well (and I feel comfortable with her), 1 person fairly well (and I feel comfortable with her, too), and then there are 2 people that I don't really know, but don't find threatening or mean, than I am fine...It is still awkward, but music makes me happy and eases me SO MUCH.
My ideal gathering would be relaxed in my own home with close friends, good music, maybe a little bit of alcohol to mellow everyone out (never trashed! NEVER NEVER NEVER. it ruins the good feeling), a good movie, and some good laughs, oh oh and maybe some food if anyone gets hungry :]

I am elderly, hands down! I am so much more comfortable with older people than I am my own age! hahaha I am SO uncomfortable around people my own age. I definitely have to warm up to them. I feel very old and I always have and this made it hard fitting in at school. I just did not understand why people my age acted the way they acted, and I still don't a lot of the time! haha I have been told by a yoga instructor that I am an old soul who has been reincarnated several times before, I was told by my child psych professor that I am wise, and I was always told that I was way mature for my age. (The only reason why I am telling you this last part is that I don't just think that I have an elderly mindset, but that others see it, too! )

Intellectual conversations!!!!!!! oh oh and fixing the problems of the world and seeing the problems of the world. Yes yes yes!!!! that is so me! It is very hard for me to talk about nothing!

Oh oh and I LOVE peace and quiet! I always wish that I lived amongst the trees in a forest and not in a suburb...I mean, don't get me wrong, I am still fun!! I would enjoy going to a big city sometimes and site seeing, going to galleries, going to small shows, umm walking around the city amidst the bustling people, BUT in my everyday life, I do enjoy peace and quiet. I hate the cars rushing by, and no plant life anywhere...no beauty! I like the time of day when nobody is really out and I can be in my own thoughts!

Dry intellectual discussions are awesome! Me and a former friend-like literally our whole relationship was all about that...until it became something more and then we had some fun, too...hahaha what I am getting at, is that I do enjoy intellectual discussions, but I also enjoy breaking it up with some silliness and some fun and teasing and such. I like variety, but over all, I am serious minded (but if I read and do a lot more of serious thinking on my own and then discussed what I have learned with someone who is close to me, then my conversations with others tends to be more light hearted).

Thank you thank you thank you! I was so worried that I was not an IEE, but I really feel that I am!
I am worried as to why I was thought to be EIE, but maybe it was because I stated that I was IEE with too much confidence or something?

[Cyrano]

It seems to me that whenever I am on here I am begging for help, but I need to know, I am desperate!
I always thought that I was an IEE and now I am being questioned for being an EIE.
I am worried! If I am not an IEE, my whole world will be warped! I need reassurance and help!

Can any of you ask me questions or give me websites or anything to help me out?

Any help will be greatly appreciated

Nonsense. You are ENFp or I'm not ISTp. You ooze ENFp. You wear it like a badge of honor. I see it in every vowel, every consonant you write. Of all the IEEs I've ever met, I know of none more IEE than you. I-E-E. You have every quirk, every insight, every trait of the IEE. You are not a "textbook" IEE of course, which proves that you are an IEE. Because no IEE fits a standard mold. IEEs do not like standards or mold. You don't like mold do you? See. You are IEE.

[Singu]

Are you more beta or more delta? Do you prefer one-on-one interactions or big group interactions where people are laughing loudly? Do you have a more teenager mindset (e.g. rebelliousness) or elderly person mindset (e.g. likes peace and quiet, making do with the current order, dry intellectual discussions)?

This is not the actual difference between Fi and Fe... fyi. Also I'm sure most people like peace and quiet and love and dry intellectual discussions.

[Suz]

I used Rick's socionics site and this helped a lot!
I definitely am not focused on "'external self-expression.' This is a striving to express externally the urges, passions, and desires one experiences internally. EIEs like to continually draw attention to themselves by making unexpected, abrubt statements, using unusual words or intonations, developing a striking outward appearance, and otherwise sticking out of the 'dull crowd'."
"EIEs are as much or more interested in their image and others' emotional response to them as in the productivity of their work itself. They strive to be stimulating, captivating, and riveting in whatever they do. They have a great need to evoke an emotional response in other people."
Not me either-I do not care about image, I am all about my product and hard work! I do not need admiration from others, though I do enjoy when a respected teacher or someone in the field gives me credit for doing something well, but I do not do things well because I get recognition, I do it because it is in me to do so!


One of the members in the forum had suggested EIE for a number of different reasons. She thought I was a beta because I put people in their place when they needed to be...umm but I did it for protection and not just because. I am very tolerant with people, but when they cross a line such as being malicious or disrespecting me multiple times, I will not let them to continue to hurt me like that.

"EIEs reject the idea of basing their lives on "being productive, rational, and useful," choosing instead to do as their passions dictate."
This is not me either!



I think that I am Fi-valuing. I do not place high value on outward displays of emotion. They are unnecessary. I like to do it for fun, so they usually do not mean anything to me at all. I mean obviously if I get mad or something and I am in the company of my dad, mom, or sister, I will express anger and stuff, but when I am having a good time, I do not need to express an emotion.

"This focus on self-expression stimulates others around them to also be more expressive and focused on what they are feeling. The EIE usually leads in this process, having the richest arsenal of feelings and means of expressing them."
No, I really do focus on trying to be more rational. I mean, I hate it when others are emotionless and when I mean emotionless, I mean lacking the concern and care for others in a deep way. But when I am dealing with a communication problem or sorting out problems within groups of people and such, I try to be logical, fair, and level headed (even tempered) so we can fix the problems and not offend anyone.

Are you Si-valuing or Se-valuing?
I think that I am Si-valuing. I enjoy the little pleasures in life like the way a massage makes my body feel, the way music gets me going (I am very picky with music), the way stretching makes me feel-these things calm me down and take my mind off of everything else that I am thinking about.

I cannot seem to find my dual anywhere (SLI), so I find that things like these make me feel the way my dual would. I must admit, I do enjoy a little bit of marijuana, too when I am not in school (like now) because it gets me in such a relaxed state of mind and body. I do not get so worried when I am in big groups of people or anything.
I really think that I am IEE! I was so worried!




Delta Delta Delta! I know this for sure! I enjoy small groups and tend to be more one-on-one. The biggest groups that I like are no more than 6 and if I do not know certain members in the group, I am still a little awkward, though I do try to mingle and carry on-it is very forced, but done in a nice way because I do not want them to feel that they are not liked.
When I am in a setting with good music and if I know say 1 person extremely well (my sister-she eases me a bit, not her type, but her personally), 1 person well (and I feel comfortable with her), 1 person fairly well (and I feel comfortable with her, too), and then there are 2 people that I don't really know, but don't find threatening or mean, than I am fine...It is still awkward, but music makes me happy and eases me SO MUCH.
My ideal gathering would be relaxed in my own home with close friends, good music, maybe a little bit of alcohol to mellow everyone out (never trashed! NEVER NEVER NEVER. it ruins the good feeling), a good movie, and some good laughs, oh oh and maybe some food if anyone gets hungry :]

I am elderly, hands down! I am so much more comfortable with older people than I am my own age! hahaha I am SO uncomfortable around people my own age. I definitely have to warm up to them. I feel very old and I always have and this made it hard fitting in at school. I just did not understand why people my age acted the way they acted, and I still don't a lot of the time! haha I have been told by a yoga instructor that I am an old soul who has been reincarnated several times before, I was told by my child psych professor that I am wise, and I was always told that I was way mature for my age. (The only reason why I am telling you this last part is that I don't just think that I have an elderly mindset, but that others see it, too! )

Intellectual conversations!!!!!!! oh oh and fixing the problems of the world and seeing the problems of the world. Yes yes yes!!!! that is so me! It is very hard for me to talk about nothing!

Oh oh and I LOVE peace and quiet! I always wish that I lived amongst the trees in a forest and not in a suburb...I mean, don't get me wrong, I am still fun!! I would enjoy going to a big city sometimes and site seeing, going to galleries, going to small shows, umm walking around the city amidst the bustling people, BUT in my everyday life, I do enjoy peace and quiet. I hate the cars rushing by, and no plant life anywhere...no beauty! I like the time of day when nobody is really out and I can be in my own thoughts!

Dry intellectual discussions are awesome! Me and a former friend-like literally our whole relationship was all about that...until it became something more and then we had some fun, too...hahaha what I am getting at, is that I do enjoy intellectual discussions, but I also enjoy breaking it up with some silliness and some fun and teasing and such. I like variety, but over all, I am serious minded (but if I read and do a lot more of serious thinking on my own and then discussed what I have learned with someone who is close to me, then my conversations with others tends to be more light hearted).

Thank you thank you thank you! I was so worried that I was not an IEE, but I really feel that I am!

I am worried as to why I was thought to be EIE, but maybe it was because I stated that I was IEE with too much confidence or something?

ROFL bobbybeam you are so me! Even down to the way you phrase things with the "oh's"

btw, putting someone in their place when necessary is not an exclusively beta quality. I think motive behind that may be type related, as well as how you do it. People should not forget we have Se-role, so when our patience has been tried enough, and irritation reaches a certain threshold, Se will kick in.

I have typed an acquaintance (a former co-worker) as EIE, and she definitely "puts people in their place" so to speak. But she does so more readily than I would, and more to make herself look good than to benefit others. The way she does so also serves this motive more, in that she will do it in public when certain important people are around, VERY dramatically, and she will NOT miss an opportunity to do so. It's quite different from the occasional IEE-style "putting someone in their place". Certainly not limited to EIE or IEE by any stretch. Each type just does it differently, for different reasons, and in different ways.



p.s I too can't seem to find any SLI's except the ones on here and the one I ended up working with by chance. I think i've spotted a few "in the wild" but they were either not available, way older, celebrities, or just in passing never to be seen again. :frown:

[tiny_dancer]

I am elderly, hands down!

I'm so happy for you.

[Park]

It seems to me that whenever I am on here I am begging for help, but I need to know, I am desperate!
I always thought that I was an IEE and now I am being questioned for being an EIE.
I am worried! If I am not an IEE, my whole world will be warped! I need reassurance and help!

Can any of you ask me questions or give me websites or anything to help me out?

Any help will be greatly appreciated

Omg, are you really that needy?

[The Exception]

I also agree with IEE. IEE's can be quite emotionally expressive and you certainly come across that way in your posts. But unlike EIEs who have in the base position, IEEs have in the 8th or demonstrative position. This means that they don't value like an EIE but its still a strong function, almost as strong as base.

[Suz]

Nonsense. You are ENFp or I'm not ISTp. You ooze ENFp. You wear it like a badge of honor. I see it in every vowel, every consonant you write. Of all the IEEs I've ever met, I know of none more IEE than you. I-E-E. You have every quirk, every insight, every trait of the IEE. You are not a "textbook" IEE of course, which proves that you are an IEE. Because no IEE fits a standard mold. IEEs do not like standards or mold. You don't like mold do you? See. You are IEE.

I like!

[Creepy-Pied Piper]

Removed at User Request

[Creepy-Pied Piper]

Removed at User Request

[bobbybeam]

Sorry for the REEAAALLLY delayed post, but I was SUPER worried about my type and had to get away...or run away for a little while from this forum
SO SORRY!
but after reading your posts, i feel so much better now!
thank you thank you thank you!

Nonsense. You are ENFp or I'm not ISTp. You ooze ENFp. You wear it like a badge of honor. I see it in every vowel, every consonant you write. Of all the IEEs I've ever met, I know of none more IEE than you. I-E-E. You have every quirk, every insight, every trait of the IEE. You are not a "textbook" IEE of course, which proves that you are an IEE. Because no IEE fits a standard mold. IEEs do not like standards or mold. You don't like mold do you? See. You are IEE.

*fewf! thank goodness! i was SO SO SO SO worried!

ROFL bobbybeam you are so me! Even down to the way you phrase things with the "oh's"

btw, putting someone in their place when necessary is not an exclusively beta quality. I think motive behind that may be type related, as well as how you do it. People should not forget we have Se-role, so when our patience has been tried enough, and irritation reaches a certain threshold, Se will kick in.

I have typed an acquaintance (a former co-worker) as EIE, and she definitely "puts people in their place" so to speak. But she does so more readily than I would, and more to make herself look good than to benefit others. The way she does so also serves this motive more, in that she will do it in public when certain important people are around, VERY dramatically, and she will NOT miss an opportunity to do so. It's quite different from the occasional IEE-style "putting someone in their place". Certainly not limited to EIE or IEE by any stretch. Each type just does it differently, for different reasons, and in different ways.

p.s I too can't seem to find any SLI's except the ones on here and the one I ended up working with by chance. I think i've spotted a few "in the wild" but they were either not available, way older, celebrities, or just in passing never to be seen again. :frown:

yes! okay, good! i do NOT do intentionally do it in front of certain people or dramatically at all and I even feel really uncomfortable when I do it (my heart races really fast and my adrenaline kicks in and I am usually slightly shaking afterwards haha), but when I am pushed and somebody is mean I HAVE to stand up against them so they will leave me alone!

hahahaha yes, i know! what do they look like anyway? I have met 2, but I am still unsure of both because sometimes it is really smooth and happy and then other times it is awkward...VERY awkward!
I think it is because I am not "being myself" at least when I am gushing with energy and just saying the first thing that comes to mind because I am nervous...but *sigh

P.S. thank you SO MUCH for making me feel better! you are very nice :]

I'm so happy for you.

hahahaha

I also agree with IEE. IEE's can be quite emotionally expressive and you certainly come across that way in your posts. But unlike EIEs who have in the base position, IEEs have in the 8th or demonstrative position. This means that they don't value like an EIE but its still a strong function, almost as strong as base.

thank you! this is VERY good to know!
so Fe is part of my character?
so my dual would like this quality?

Considering that you have that "Na'vi" avatar, I hardly doubt that you're a Delta NF.

this is one of my favorite movies! i wish that i could live how the Na'vi people lived!

[Suz]

thank you! this is VERY good to know!
so Fe is part of my character?
so my dual would like this quality?

I liked your whole post but i specifically wanted to comment on the bolded question because I had a bit of a "eureka" moment about that in my reading recently.

So what i gathered is that the key difference between IEEs and EIEs in what makes us likeable to the SLI vs EIE being their conflictor is that IEEs filter our true emotions to a large extent (or try really hard to), as required to support Fi purposes, whereas EIEs just express whatever they are feeling inside, no filters involved without regard to Fi goals. With EIE's what you see is exactly what's going on inside, and what's going on inside is what you see. And i guess that is much too much Fe for our SLIs, and too little regard for Fi.

In other words, it's not that SLIs dont like Fe. In fact, I think EIE's Fe is what initially attracts SLIs to EIEs (in fact i think the one I know is currently dating an EIE I'm waiting patiently to see how long it will last). But I think what SLIs are ultimately looking for is Fe directed towards an Fi purpose, and overall more low-key Fe.

As always, SLIs (or anyone else) correct me if i'm wrong! This is my understanding...

[Suz]

hahahaha yes, i know! what do they look like anyway? I have met 2, but I am still unsure of both because sometimes it is really smooth and happy and then other times it is awkward...VERY awkward!
I think it is because I am not "being myself" at least when I am gushing with energy and just saying the first thing that comes to mind because I am nervous...but *sigh

Oh, and well i'm not sure what THE sli look is, but what i've gathered from my duality experience and knowledge of socionics is, SLIs have a superb command of their bodies. That shows in their walk and how they hold themselves--grounded, agile, excellent posture, no clumsy moves whatsoever, even in an environment where clumsy moves might be expected. Like even if someone tried to trip them, they wont be clumsy.

Then the other major thing (and i'm not sure if this is across the board or not) is the "stone-face". Like, not an austere stoneface, but a calm, controlled stoneface. Sometimes they will have a furrow in the brow, but it's more like the lone cowboy sort of thing . So, this stoneface will present itself in conditions where you or someone else says something merry, or sad, or complaining. It might be accompanied by an attempt at relating to whatever it is you're happy, sad, or complaining about, but in a monotone and with perhaps a poorly chosen word. But he has an ability to smile, grin, laugh (it's not that he doesn't), except he does it in the least expected situations, or if he is tired, or tipsy. This is Fe-POLR and a bit of Fi-HA.

And last but certainly not least, is the SLI's use of their eyes. In SLI's case in particular, I feel, the eyes are truly the window to their soul and the way you can catch a glimpse of their emotions when they are stone-faced. Their eyes are also their tool for trying to convey their feelings, e.g. if they feel attracted in the Fi-sense (not just the Si-sense), they stare (in a loving way, not the piercing SLE way), and enjoy being stared at. I read somewhere that an SLI, attracted to a girl, will keep mum about it, but just walk by her and give her an intense stare. I read that in a few places actually and i experienced it myself, BIG time.

And again, SLIs confirm or deny! Because i'm not sure about any of this!

[bobbybeam]

Oh, and well i'm not sure what THE sli look is, but what i've gathered from my duality experience and knowledge of socionics is, SLIs have a superb command of their bodies. That shows in their walk and how they hold themselves--grounded, agile, excellent posture, no clumsy moves whatsoever, even in an environment where clumsy moves might be expected. Like even if someone tried to trip them, they wont be clumsy.

yes yes yes!!! There is this guy that I work with who I TOTALLY think is SLI!! He has complete command over his body! ...and he can't quite understand why I am SO awkward with mine! haha
like, he notices the way I stand a lot, which is usually pretty awkward...and something that I have never really paid attention to!
He is a break dancer...and the way he can hold his body is incredible, but, he is not a very good teacher when it comes to showing me how to do it...haha because he just kind of does it, whereas I need step by step instruction

And last but certainly not least, is the SLI's use of their eyes. In SLI's case in particular, I feel, the eyes are truly the window to their soul and the way you can catch a glimpse of their emotions when they are stone-faced. Their eyes are also their tool for trying to convey their feelings, e.g. if they feel attracted in the Fi-sense (not just the Si-sense), they stare (in a loving way, not the piercing SLE way), and enjoy being stared at.

The eyes the eyes the EYES!!! Oh my goodness, I have noticed that about him, too! So they do enjoy being stared at!! why am I so nervous when I lock eyes with him and stare?!! I enjoy it, but I get so nervous!!
I really like all of the nice little things that he takes the time to notice though :]

I read somewhere that an SLI, attracted to a girl, will keep mum about it, but just walk by her and give her an intense stare. I read that in a few places actually and i experienced it myself, BIG time.

Really?! wow! this sounds too good to be true! So when an SLI stares it means something? I had told someone else on the forum about the staring games and such and they said that it didn't really mean anything, but to me it seemed like a big deal because guys that I usually date don't do this at all!
Do SLI's tend to be flirts and stare in that way just to get a rise out of someone?
And does the SLI eventually make the first move? How does this work? I am not one to attack or anything. I would be very awkward and uncomfortable if I did :/

[Suz]

yes yes yes!!! There is this guy that I work with who I TOTALLY think is SLI!! He has complete command over his body! ...and he can't quite understand why I am SO awkward with mine! haha
like, he notices the way I stand a lot, which is usually pretty awkward...and something that I have never really paid attention to!
He is a break dancer...and the way he can hold his body is incredible, but, he is not a very good teacher when it comes to showing me how to do it...haha because he just kind of does it, whereas I need step by step instruction

OMG tell me about it!! I am so awkward with my body too! I'll look in the mirror (or a window) and be horrified at my clumsy posture or the weird way i'm holding my purse or something. And lots of trips (and falls!!) even when there really was no reason for it (like on nice pavement)


i tried to take a hip hop course a couple months ago, I also needed step-by-step. It was an IEI teacher I think, and she did a pretty good job actually. But still I had a hard time with some moves. When i was showing off what i learned to my ESE friend, she was happy for me but apparently those moves are second nature to her

The eyes the eyes the EYES!!! Oh my goodness, I have noticed that about him, too! So they do enjoy being stared at!! why am I so nervous when I lock eyes with him and stare?!! I enjoy it, but I get so nervous!!
I really like all of the nice little things that he takes the time to notice though :]
Really?! wow! this sounds too good to be true! So when an SLI stares it means something? I had told someone else on the forum about the staring games and such and they said that it didn't really mean anything, but to me it seemed like a big deal because guys that I usually date don't do this at all!
Do SLI's tend to be flirts and stare in that way just to get a rise out of someone?

Well it definitely means something to the SLI when someone stares at him and I'm pretty sure his staring means something back too. In the case of the SLI i dualized somewhat with, early on I was staring at him just casually because I thought he was very easy on the eyes and I'd sit across the table from him in a meeting and i would just look straight into his eyes (because I could without being too conspicuous). Well, he noticed. He noticed it in the middle of his eloquent sentence after we'd been up working all night (he faltered--which he NEVER does--looking straight at me). And I noticed that he noticed. And I think he noticed that I noticed that he noticed .
Then the staring took 3 forms:


1. Stealing glances -- one stares at the other when we think the other is not looking. During one such stolen glance, he CAUGHT me!! And then he gave me:

2. The Stare of PASSION -- i never experienced this one before. It was shortly after he caught me stealing a stare. I was embarrassed so i struck up a conversation with a girl-friend, but the whole time i was keeping a peripheral eye on him. He was standing, facing square towards me, I looked up at him, and he just shot the most passionate feeling from his eyes. It was all his eyes, nothing else. It reached deep inside me, and established a connection that I really dont think would have been otherwise. My thoughts went to mush, and my conversation with the girl turned to gibberish, my face got hot!! If the other stares could be explained away as just coincidental or in my head, there was NO mistaking this one. Every time I think back and wonder, did he like me back, I remember this stare and heck, I have to say he probably did.

3. The basking stare -- after this whole episode, we sort of got into the habit of looking at each other. Just, without any expression (at least on his part--i dont know about myself), just looking. From his end, in these cases, it seemed that he was relishing in being stared at by me, because he would just look relaxed, but he would be looking in my direction, at me (and for no apparent reason...because we have very different social circles). Now this one i can write off to just being coincidental, but I dont think it was. It happened a bit too often.

And does the SLI eventually make the first move? How does this work? I am not one to attack or anything. I would be very awkward and uncomfortable if I did :/

Alas, i wish i could answer this question. Tragically, in the middle of our intense dualization process, I had to move away to a different city. About 3 months later, he got into a relationship with some girl he'd just met a couple weeks before (mind you, this is a guy who swore eternal bachelorhood when i first met him, and certainly lived the lifestyle). Before he announced that relationship, I tried to stay in touch with him (he was sort of acting Fe-POLR with me), and I did end up confessing my feelings (I wanted to do it before the announcement, when I was suspecting something going on between them, but I was hesitating and it ended up being in response to the announcement, but oh well). Its been like 3-4 months and I think he's still with her. I felt that I needed to voice my feelings to him, to not leave it all unsaid and theoretical (obviously if i didn't think he felt the same, i wouldn't have done it). I understood that he just entered a relationship and I can't expect him to just do away with it all of a sudden, especially with me being so far away. I'd also hoped that it would bring me closure, but he never responded (Fe-POLR! ) and well in duality feelings just get stronger with time. That I am experiencing, for sure.


I think socionically, the IEE makes the moves. Not in the conventional way. You're right, we are so awkward and shy that way, and we tend to be a bit scared of physical intimacy. But we are the experts in reading people and seeing opportunity. What I recently read (that i thought was well said), is both SLI and IEE prefer to set up the relationship at a far psychological distance and then get closer. That rings so true for me.

Note that "relationship" here means an Fi-based relationship, not a physical one, which SLIs are only too eager to have with whomever will have it with them (they need to test out relationships in bulk to know what they're looking for). Ultimately SLIs are seeking Fi in their relationship, and if it's not there, I think they will not be happy with that relationship.

So the way it works (in my understanding) is the IEE sees opportune times to extend that Fi towards the SLI (we are apparently more flirtatious than we realized ) and eventually the SLI responds. Once the psychological distance is closer, the SLI makes the physical moves (because the IEEs are too awkward and shy that way). Unfortunately i haven't experienced that stage yet, so I can't comment from personal experience.


Oh the other thing i wanted to comment on was the issue of SLI flirtation. YES the SLI guy i knew was flirtatious. There were 2 forms of flirtation:

1. The joking around flirtation -- this he did with any young female who he knew would return the gestures (didn't even have to be that attractive). It was a bit raunchy at times and sometimes physical (once he slapped a girl on the thigh, right in front of me! ). He did not do this with me.

2. The eye thing -- this he did only with me (as far as I could tell).

He also would get uncharacteristically nervous and quiet; he actually stuttered a couple times in having a casual conversation with me (SO different from #1). We also shared this little wave we would give each other, sometimes with totally straight faces, but other times, his face would literally shine .


Ah, duality. . .it IS magical, but so painful when it doesn't materialize.

[The Exception]

OMG tell me about it!! I am so awkward with my body too! I'll look in the mirror (or a window) and be horrified at my clumsy posture or the weird way i'm holding my purse or something. And lots of trips (and falls!!) even when there really was no reason for it (like on nice pavement)


i tried to take a hip hop course a couple months ago, I also needed step-by-step. It was an IEI teacher I think, and she did a pretty good job actually. But still I had a hard time with some moves. When i was showing off what i learned to my ESE friend, she was happy for me but apparently those moves are second nature to her

I've been told by a couple of people that I have odd posture and come across physically in an odd sort of way. I guess its sort of true, once I took a closer look at myself and watched myself on videotape. Before that I didn't much notice or care. I mean do people really pay attention to how someone holds their purse? It just seems so trivial in the whole scheme of things but yeah, I guess some people do. There are people who have several purses to match all their outfits, which seems like overkill to me. I have one generic black purse that will go with everything.

I relate to your hip-hop example. I need step-by-step when learning dance moves. Doesn't matter what type of dance it is. Some people can just watch it in one go and they've got it. I've never been like that. I have to learn each individual part and gradually add on new parts until I've got the whole thing down pat. And physically do it multiple times so it gels in my memory. I tend to confuse left and right too when dancing. I would be the person who went left when the others were going right and vice versa.

Poor dancing is probably related to weak sensing. However, my EII sister is quite good at it and much more of a natural than me.

[Suz]

I've been told by a couple of people that I have odd posture and come across physically in an odd sort of way. I guess its sort of true, once I took a closer look at myself and watched myself on videotape. Before that I didn't much notice or care. I mean do people really pay attention to how someone holds their purse? It just seems so trivial in the whole scheme of things but yeah, I guess some people do. There are people who have several purses to match all their outfits, which seems like overkill to me. I have one generic black purse that will go with everything.

I relate to your hip-hop example. I need step-by-step when learning dance moves. Doesn't matter what type of dance it is. Some people can just watch it in one go and they've got it. I've never been like that. I have to learn each individual part and gradually add on new parts until I've got the whole thing down pat. And physically do it multiple times so it gels in my memory. I tend to confuse left and right too when dancing. I would be the person who went left when the others were going right and vice versa.

Poor dancing is probably related to weak sensing. However, my EII sister is quite good at it and much more of a natural than me.

Yes I think what we both relate to is due to weak sensing, like you mentioned. Seems like Ne types especially are prone to this (not sure though).

I think the key difference is the way you feel and the way I feel about it. I care very much how I look, and i get extremely embarrassed when i catch myself being clumsy. I suspect this aspect is an IEE thing. As i've matured, I dont really show the embarrassment much, and i try not to dwell on it, say when i trip and fall , but if an attractive guy is around I will obsess. In fact in situations like that, I try not to move around much so as not to ruin the image .

interestingly my EII sister dances too (ballroom). She was pretty clumsy when she started out. However, she learned QUICKLY. And the main thing is that she acknowledged the fact that she looked bad at first, and just accepted it, and worked though it. I think she was embarrassed, but I wont even try ballroom dancing until i know i'll be ok with how i look (there's also the dancing with random guys that I dont find pleasant--not sure if that's type related).

[Park]

I think the key difference is the way you feel and the way I feel about it. I care very much how I look, and i get extremely embarrassed when i catch myself being clumsy. I suspect this aspect is an IEE thing. As i've matured, I dont really show the embarrassment much, and i try not to dwell on it, say when i trip and fall , but if an attractive guy is around I will obsess. In fact in situations like that, I try not to move around much so as not to ruin the image .

You IEEs are odd...

but I wouldn't like you any other way. :wink:

[UDP]

This thread is "cute". Very IEE.

[bobbybeam]

OMG tell me about it!! I am so awkward with my body too! I'll look in the mirror (or a window) and be horrified at my clumsy posture or the weird way i'm holding my purse or something. And lots of trips (and falls!!) even when there really was no reason for it (like on nice pavement)

Okay, so do SLI's hate this? I mean, do they think that this awkward thing is just ridiculous or do they actually find it attractive in a weird way?
OMG! The SLI at work totally noticed the weird way I stand sometimes in an all of the time kind of way and...it makes me feel clumsy and nerdy hahaha I don't know if he hates it or loves it, but I ALWAYS catch him noticing me..like when I am working at a table, he will stand behind me and watch me..or when I am ringing someone up the register, he will watch me..and it makes me verrrryyy nervous!
Sometimes I am comfortable and other times I get really clumsy and once I'm clumsy, it gets worse!!

Well it definitely means something to the SLI when someone stares at him and I'm pretty sure his staring means something back too. In the case of the SLI i dualized somewhat with, early on I was staring at him just casually because I thought he was very easy on the eyes and I'd sit across the table from him in a meeting and i would just look straight into his eyes (because I could without being too conspicuous). Well, he noticed. He noticed it in the middle of his eloquent sentence after we'd been up working all night (he faltered--which he NEVER does--looking straight at me). And I noticed that he noticed. And I think he noticed that I noticed that he noticed .

Then the staring took 3 forms:


1. Stealing glances -- one stares at the other when we think the other is not looking. During one such stolen glance, he CAUGHT me!! And then he gave me:

2. The Stare of PASSION -- i never experienced this one before. It was shortly after he caught me stealing a stare. I was embarrassed so i struck up a conversation with a girl-friend, but the whole time i was keeping a peripheral eye on him. He was standing, facing square towards me, I looked up at him, and he just shot the most passionate feeling from his eyes. It was all his eyes, nothing else. It reached deep inside me, and established a connection that I really dont think would have been otherwise. My thoughts went to mush, and my conversation with the girl turned to gibberish, my face got hot!! If the other stares could be explained away as just coincidental or in my head, there was NO mistaking this one. Every time I think back and wonder, did he like me back, I remember this stare and heck, I have to say he probably did.[/quote]

3. The basking stare -- after this whole episode, we sort of got into the habit of looking at each other. Just, without any expression (at least on his part--i dont know about myself), just looking. From his end, in these cases, it seemed that he was relishing in being stared at by me, because he would just look relaxed, but he would be looking in my direction, at me (and for no apparent reason...because we have very different social circles). Now this one i can write off to just being coincidental, but I dont think it was. It happened a bit too often.[/quote]

Oh my gosh! this helps SO much!!
I can't help but get nervous sometimes, especially when it is in someone's eyes because...it is so INTIMATE! haha I love when he watches me when I do things, I literally FEEL his glance and it makes me feel so good...but I get so awkward at times because as much as I like the attention, I am not use to it, so I get self-conscious. ohhh lordy :/

But now that I know that HE likes to be stared at, I will try to do it more often. I DO really like staring at him with a big smile and being his little sunshine...I want to SO badly! But he has a girlfriend...(who is a TOTAL bitch!)
I think she is ESI...GOD! haha NOT trying to be mean, but they can be really heartless. She chews him out constantly in front of everyone..and I mean in front of the people that he works with..and he just TAKES IT! why?

I just want to love him up! oh oh! Do SLI's like compliments? It seems like every time I REALLY notice his talent (and I am not just saying it to be "nice"; I like really mean it) with colors and textures and drawing or w/e, he doesn't seem to accept it. why is that?

Alas, i wish i could answer this question. Tragically, in the middle of our intense dualization process, I had to move away to a different city. About 3 months later, he got into a relationship with some girl he'd just met a couple weeks before (mind you, this is a guy who swore eternal bachelorhood when i first met him, and certainly lived the lifestyle). Before he announced that relationship, I tried to stay in touch with him (he was sort of acting Fe-POLR with me), and I did end up confessing my feelings (I wanted to do it before the announcement, when I was suspecting something going on between them, but I was hesitating and it ended up being in response to the announcement, but oh well). Its been like 3-4 months and I think he's still with her. I felt that I needed to voice my feelings to him, to not leave it all unsaid and theoretical (obviously if i didn't think he felt the same, i wouldn't have done it). I understood that he just entered a relationship and I can't expect him to just do away with it all of a sudden, especially with me being so far away. I'd also hoped that it would bring me closure, but he never responded (Fe-POLR! ) and well in duality feelings just get stronger with time. That I am experiencing, for sure.

Oh my god! okay, so are SLI's extremely loyal because the guy I know has been with his girlfriend for 2 years and they have like the WORST relationship ever! All she ever does is bitch at him! It seems like he tries to say nice things about her to convince himself or something,but I can tell that he is miserable and feels unloved..and yet he stays?
Is this just part of our duality? I mean, I stay and try to "work things out" and be "loyal" in relationships that are just plain wrong..well, unless the guy is cheating or kind of cheating on me, then we are through and I wash my hands.

I think socionically, the IEE makes the moves. Not in the conventional way. You're right, we are so awkward and shy that way, and we tend to be a bit scared of physical intimacy. But we are the experts in reading people and seeing opportunity. What I recently read (that i thought was well said), is both SLI and IEE prefer to set up the relationship at a far psychological distance and then get closer. That rings so true for me.

Same! I take things slow...verrrryy slow. and OMG I am SO scared of physical intimacy, at first, but once the barrier is broken, holy moley! I can't get enough of it! hahaha You see, I don't understand why so many people say that infantiles are bad in bed. >:/ SO NOT TRUE!

Note that "relationship" here means an Fi-based relationship, not a physical one, which SLIs are only too eager to have with whomever will have it with them (they need to test out relationships in bulk to know what they're looking for).

So SLI's have been around? HAHA how funny! Yes yes! I was just thinking or feeling about that today! I was thinking about this guy in a strictly physical way and I just COULDN'T! It meant nothing at all...and I wasn't even turned onto the idea without the Fi part.

Ultimately SLIs are seeking Fi in their relationship, and if it's not there, I think they will not be happy with that relationship.

So that's why he isn't happy in his relationship now? Yay! there is hope for me! (wow, very selfish, but she doesn't appreciate him)

So the way it works (in my understanding) is the IEE sees opportune times to extend that Fi towards the SLI (we are apparently more flirtatious than we realized ) and eventually the SLI responds. Once the psychological distance is closer, the SLI makes the physical moves (because the IEEs are too awkward and shy that way).

hhahaha do you ever feel like you should put a sort of shackle on your flirting ability? Sometimes I feel really bad about it because people may get the wrong impression or in this case I feel like it isn't right since he has a gf..oh oh AND it is at work!
Do you feel more strained and kind of different at work? I feel like I act different. I get so tense and worried and stressed out that it is REALLY hard for me to act like my usual self at work (ew PLUS I have an Alta and a BETA that I work with! One (Alpha) shares the few secrets that she has on me to EVERYONE and the other (Beta) stresses me out! All she does is bitch and complain (I think she is SLE).

Oh the other thing i wanted to comment on was the issue of SLI flirtation. YES the SLI guy i knew was flirtatious. There were 2 forms of flirtation:

1. The joking around flirtation -- this he did with any young female who he knew would return the gestures (didn't even have to be that attractive). It was a bit raunchy at times and sometimes physical (once he slapped a girl on the thigh, right in front of me! ). He did not do this with me.

haha He NEVER does this with me...at least not initially, but when another sales associate gets me going (like laughing and being silly), he teases me like no other! (I kind of like it). Though some of the jokes he says and such are a little off color (like umm really inappropriate-like about poop! What? He is 27, why? I mean, it didn't seem like him..so I thought maybe since his jokes were kind of uncomfortable that he was using some other function like his demonstrative..or maybe his role or God IDK)

2. The eye thing -- this he did only with me (as far as I could tell).

Gah! I feel like he uses other girls like stories about what he is going to make/do for his gf or what he does with this other sales associate to kind of "show me what I am missing" or something.

His gf makes him miserable and he doesn't really talk about her in a positive light too much anymore, BUT he loves to talk about what he is doing for her like making her a jacket for her birthday or what he got her for christmas (and every single thought that he put into thinking about it)

The sales associate that I am referring to is not attractive...and was rather aggressive about talking to him (she thought he was hot and attacked!...which is why I question as to whether or not she is an Alpha-she confuses me), but anyways, he keeps his distance from her, but when I am like talking to her or something he will come up to her and stare her directly in the eye and then look over at me. GRR little bastard! *scrinckled nose

He also would get uncharacteristically nervous and quiet; he actually stuttered a couple times in having a casual conversation with me (SO different from #1). We also shared this little wave we would give each other, sometimes with totally straight faces, but other times, his face would literally shine .

okay, so I get that way! I am the one that gets nervous!
How long did it take you to warm up with your dual and for things to actually start smoothly sailing.
I am still not fully convinced that he is my dual because of how uncomfortable it is at times, yet I still want more of him. I am not one to fall for a guy because of his looks...NOT AT ALL, and I usually give handsome guys very little attention because most of the attractive guys that I know get plenty of attention already...so I know that it is not for vain reasons why I like him, but I mean...it is so uncomfortable sometimes that I just can't imagine how duals could be so odd together..but *sigh when we are on...it feels perrrfect (I think) and I feel at ease and safe and happy and calm (a feeling I rarely experience hahahaha)


Ah, duality. . .it IS magical, but so painful when it doesn't materialize.[/QUOTE]

[bobbybeam]

You IEEs are odd...

but I wouldn't like you any other way. :wink:

*fewf

This thread is "cute". Very IEE.

haha thanks

[Suz]

Okay, so do SLI's hate this? I mean, do they think that this awkward thing is just ridiculous or do they actually find it attractive in a weird way?
OMG! The SLI at work totally noticed the weird way I stand sometimes in an all of the time kind of way and...it makes me feel clumsy and nerdy hahaha I don't know if he hates it or loves it, but I ALWAYS catch him noticing me..like when I am working at a table, he will stand behind me and watch me..or when I am ringing someone up the register, he will watch me..and it makes me verrrryyy nervous!
Sometimes I am comfortable and other times I get really clumsy and once I'm clumsy, it gets worse!!

Honestly I really dont know. Sometimes I wonder about that.

Oh my gosh! this helps SO much!!
I can't help but get nervous sometimes, especially when it is in someone's eyes because...it is so INTIMATE! haha I love when he watches me when I do things, I literally FEEL his glance and it makes me feel so good...but I get so awkward at times because as much as I like the attention, I am not use to it, so I get self-conscious. ohhh lordy :/ But now that I know that HE likes to be stared at, I will try to do it more often.

You're right, it is intimate. It feels intimate. But despite that i never was really quite sure whether he felt that way too. The stare of passion kind of suggested otherwise, and I forgot to mention when we would sit or stand close enough to have a conversation, I would look into his eyes and um, he would look straight into mine, and the whole world would disappear and our superficial conversation wouldn't really even matter. So like, if he didn't enjoy it or feel the same way, I suppose he wouldn't have done that.

I guess despite that i'm not 100% sure what was going on in his brain with all of that, or if he even thought it was significant, or if he thought it might materialize into a physical relationship.

I DO really like staring at him with a big smile and being his little sunshine...I want to SO badly! But he has a girlfriend...(who is a TOTAL bitch!)
I think she is ESI...GOD! haha NOT trying to be mean, but they can be really heartless. She chews him out constantly in front of everyone..and I mean in front of the people that he works with..and he just TAKES IT! why?

hmmmm. I'm not too familiar with the ESI phenotype, but are you sure she's ESI? Yeah, I think if she keeps that up, and he really is SLI, he's not going to keep putting up with that.

Oh my god! okay, so are SLI's extremely loyal because the guy I know has been with his girlfriend for 2 years and they have like the WORST relationship ever! All she ever does is bitch at him! It seems like he tries to say nice things about her to convince himself or something,but I can tell that he is miserable and feels unloved..and yet he stays?

OK here you bring up a point I've been worried about as well. In my socionics study I did come across the topic of SLI loyalty. Which is a great thing. Except when they;'re not with the right person. I think SLIs with their Fi-HA, once they establish an Fi connection with someone (whether or not that person is Fi-valuing or not), their loyalty kicks in, whether it's with friends, or romantic interests. The other factor is, even if there is a lack of Fi in the relationship, Si being their primary function, the issue of comfort comes into play. Basically even if he is unhappy in the relationship, he will stay in the relationship as long as being in it is more comfortable than going out on a limb and trying a new one. So in essence he will only end it, when he is SURE a new person's feelings are real and that it will work out (that is, if he's indeed unhappy--he may be content in that relationship). Or if he gets unhappy enough in his current relationship to tip the balance. It's an equilibrium, I think.

It's the same sort of thing going on with the SLI i dualized with and his new gf. My gut feeling from all the clues i have is, he was really lonely and just needed to be with someone after i moved away and took my duality influence with me, just to keep his sanity (there was a lot of talk about him being depressed in the couple months between when i moved away and when he met her, and him quitting being depressed once he did). I'd hoped that he was happy at least, now that he has a gf, but multiple mutual friends and acquaintances have told me he's actually been very unhappy. He's smiling in one of the pictures of them together, but he doesn't look happy in that shining way that i've seen him be before, it's sort of a pained smile, imo. And he has not posted any pictures of him with this girlfriend on facebook. (the one's I've seen of them together have been her profile pictures). In fact his profile pic is him with his arm around a different girl (cut out of the picture). It's been almost 4 months. Sounds like she is more excited about publicizing their relationship than he is, and sees their relationship as more serious than he does at this stage. that's my interpretation anyway. But who knows maybe he really is happy with her. Fe-POLR. If he is sticking with her, my hope is that he is.

I just want to love him up! oh oh! Do SLI's like compliments? It seems like every time I REALLY notice his talent (and I am not just saying it to be "nice"; I like really mean it) with colors and textures and drawing or w/e, he doesn't seem to accept it. why is that?

Well in working with this SLI, I did have opportunities to compliment him. A few times, it was in response to our immediate supervisor teasing him about how badly he did some procedure (she was trying to be flirtatious). I was watching him do it too--i mean he was a beginner and I thought he did a decent job. So when she was going on and on about how awful he did, I looked straight at him and said "You did GREAT." (this was before our duality connection). And I could tell he sincerely appreciated that.

Other ways I've sort of complimented him were really just me using my Ne, i guess. Like, he was joking to me about how he needed to get his social texting out of the way during a meeting, so he could focus on work once the meeting was over. So I was like "you're a multitasker." He didn't react at all to that, but I think he appreciated the positive spin (unlike everyone else always calling him a slacker and making fun of him with comments about how he hates working--I know otherwise!).

I think SLIs will react with a lot of skepticism to compliments they see as insincere, which in my understanding are compliments given with a lot of Fe. I know I see Fe-laden compliments as insincere myself.

I also read this one sentence in an article on SLI-IEE duality translated from Russian, that SoapOfSapphire pm'd me a while back, went something like this:

"SLI does not hurry to believe IEE's feelings, which can be frivolous."

I guess of all the men who read too much into our unintentional flirtation, I guess SLIs remain skeptical, even when the flirtation represents real feelings.

So SLI's have been around?

Bobbybeam, i really dont want to generalize. I'm sure there are many different flavors of SLIs out there with various sorts of lifestyles. This guy in particular happens to be a former frat boy, and likes to do some SERIOUS partying. He takes every opportunity he can to go out and drink with friends, and back when we initially worked together, his friends were making fun of him for going after the college girls, and he outright stated that he thinks marriage is unnatural for guys. And it wasn't just words. That's all i'm going to say about that. So this girlfriend thing was quite the shocker, not just to me, but to his friends. My point is, in his particular case, these are some of the ways he happens to indulge his Si.

That said, i'm sure there are SLIs out there who were raised with more conservative values and perhaps haven't been "around."

hhahaha do you ever feel like you should put a sort of shackle on your flirting ability? Sometimes I feel really bad about it because people may get the wrong impression or in this case I feel like it isn't right since he has a gf..oh oh AND it is at work!
Do you feel more strained and kind of different at work? I feel like I act different. I get so tense and worried and stressed out that it is REALLY hard for me to act like my usual self at work

well in my case, I'm usually a bit oblivious to my flirtatiousness. I've usually considered myself as not knowing how to flirt, but now that i think about it, I do kind of act flirty with platonic guy friends, and have had responses from guys where they thought I liked them, but I didn't and then things got weird. And the reason why i always thought i didn't know how to flirt was because around guys I DID like, i'd totally freeze up.

okay, so I get that way! I am the one that gets nervous!
How long did it take you to warm up with your dual and for things to actually start smoothly sailing.

Well i do too!! I was just making the point that he got that way with me, in contrast to the way he was in "flirtatious" mode with other girls, and I thought that was pretty uncharacteristic of him.

Things never got to the point of smooth sailing with us. I basically met him a little more than a year before i moved away, and it was in the 6 months before the move that all this heavy stuff transpired (after a 3 week stint of working together closely in a tough environment). We started talking more closely in the month before i moved away, but it was still sort of hot/cold i guess from both my end and his. Even after the final time we saw each other, there was an exchange of emails between us that was sort of that way as well. Before, I'd extended a personal invitation to him in person, to come to a graduation talk I was giving, and he'd acted like he was going to come, even joking about how he was going to ask me some tough questions. And turns out, the whole time he had a day off planned for that day so he wasn't even going to be there! So I emailed him saying that I was really offended that he didn't come. He actually responded saying it was his day off (which i'd already figured out by then), but I called him out on the fact that if he knew it was his day off, why say he'll come. And then, figuring that this may be the last time i communicate with him, I said i was kidding, I thought he was an intriguing guy, I enjoyed getting to know him, and that i'll miss him. sort of to illustrate the hot/coldness of it.

I feel like we were sort of working on developing a connection from a distance, just like the descriptions say. We weren't in the same social circles, and thus never really hung out outside of work at all (he liked to go drinking and partying all night, I prefer going to brunch with a couple of my close friends and having heart-to-hearts, or taking a walk in the sunshine, or going fruit-picking). Perhaps we may have gotten to a point where that invisible wall between our lives came down, if i didn't have to move away. I guess i'll never know.

I guess there is still the lingering hope that maybe by some miracle he'll end up in my area (unmarried/unengaged) and that our paths will cross again. That would seriously be a miracle though. Otherwise, I just hope to find another SLI, perhaps one that is at a more similar level of maturity as me and going in a more similar direction in life.

p.s. if you're interested, I'd described a lot of the events between us in the IEI-SLE thread in the beta quadra (b/c i initially thought I was IEI and he was SLE, BOY was i wrong!). Search "IEI-SLE" or "SLE-IEI" in the beta quadra forum.

[UDP]

that's the longest post I've seen in a while.

[Suz]

that's the longest post I've seen in a while.

What can i say? i have a lot to say on the topic

Are my observations accurate though? As far as being type-related?

[bobbybeam]

[quote=WorkaholicsAnon;658234]Honestly I really dont know. Sometimes I wonder about that.




You're right, it is intimate. It feels intimate. But despite that i never was really quite sure whether he felt that way too. The stare of passion kind of suggested otherwise, and I forgot to mention when we would sit or stand close enough to have a conversation, I would look into his eyes and um, he would look straight into mine, and the whole world would disappear and our superficial conversation wouldn't really even matter. So like, if he didn't enjoy it or feel the same way, I suppose he wouldn't have done that.

I guess despite that i'm not 100% sure what was going on in his brain with all of that, or if he even thought it was significant, or if he thought it might materialize into a physical relationship.




hmmmm. I'm not too familiar with the ESI phenotype, but are you sure she's ESI? Yeah, I think if she keeps that up, and he really is SLI, he's not going to keep putting up with that.



OK here you bring up a point I've been worried about as well. In my socionics study I did come across the topic of SLI loyalty. Which is a great thing. Except when they;'re not with the right person. I think SLIs with their Fi-HA, once they establish an Fi connection with someone (whether or not that person is Fi-valuing or not), their loyalty kicks in, whether it's with friends, or romantic interests. The other factor is, even if there is a lack of Fi in the relationship, Si being their primary function, the issue of comfort comes into play. Basically even if he is unhappy in the relationship, he will stay in the relationship as long as being in it is more comfortable than going out on a limb and trying a new one. So in essence he will only end it, when he is SURE a new person's feelings are real and that it will work out (that is, if he's indeed unhappy--he may be content in that relationship). Or if he gets unhappy enough in his current relationship to tip the balance. It's an equilibrium, I think.

It's the same sort of thing going on with the SLI i dualized with and his new gf. My gut feeling from all the clues i have is, he was really lonely and just needed to be with someone after i moved away and took my duality influence with me, just to keep his sanity (there was a lot of talk about him being depressed in the couple months between when i moved away and when he met her, and him quitting being depressed once he did). I'd hoped that he was happy at least, now that he has a gf, but multiple mutual friends and acquaintances have told me he's actually been very unhappy. He's smiling in one of the pictures of them together, but he doesn't look happy in that shining way that i've seen him be before, it's sort of a pained smile, imo. And he has not posted any pictures of him with this girlfriend on facebook. (the one's I've seen of them together have been her profile pictures). In fact his profile pic is him with his arm around a different girl (cut out of the picture). It's been almost 4 months. Sounds like she is more excited about publicizing their relationship than he is, and sees their relationship as more serious than he does at this stage. that's my interpretation anyway. But who knows maybe he really is happy with her. Fe-POLR. If he is sticking with her, my hope is that he is.

I find this very interesting! I know of some people who would have conflict/end a relationship and really have it not affect their everyday life. Sure, they may be somewhat sad-ish, but nothing very extreme.
But, I know that when I was in the process of ending a relationship with a former bf, it totally wrecked me...like inside and out. I wouldn't really talk to anyone at work and I would just work...mindlessly work (I guess to keep my mind off of things).
He knew EXACTLY what was wrong with me, even when nobody else did. He even went out of his way to comfort me and told me that I deserve better and that when people don't appreciate who I was that they didn't deserve me.
It was like he gave me that confidence that I usually lack (I am very indecisive and once I get over being mad or hurt about a situation, it is all better and I start again with that person..or try to keep it alive), and he told me "no," that I was done with him, and that it was time to move on.
He was my "rock" and I kind of wonder if that is a caregiver/infantile dynamic, dual related, or just totally in my own imagination.
All I know is that it gave me comfort and reassurance in a way that I was not accustomed to by any bf I had ever been with.

I think SLIs will react with a lot of skepticism to compliments they see as insincere, which in my understanding are compliments given with a lot of Fe. I know I see Fe-laden compliments as insincere myself.

I also read this one sentence in an article on SLI-IEE duality translated from Russian, that SoapOfSapphire pm'd me a while back, went something like this:

"SLI does not hurry to believe IEE's feelings, which can be frivolous."

I guess of all the men who read too much into our unintentional flirtation, I guess SLIs remain skeptical, even when the flirtation represents real feelings.

Yes yes! He has SO much potential and is SUCH a hard worker (despite what everyone else thinks..you know, it is funny that others don't see what we see :/ haha), but umm yes, I DID give him a compliment with enthusiasm, but more like low-key enthusiasm...and I was being Sincere!

And I mean, I have read that what we give SLI's is that we help them realize their full potential...but he doesn't seem so willing to accept it sometimes. I mean, when he is explaining what he intends to do with his life, I can see that it fits beautifully, and I tell him so, but then he will ask "why?" and kind of question my statement...and he sometimes seems somewhat irritated with what I say.
I feel bad when I can't answer why, but it is just that he Just told me his plan and though I saw that it works well, I can't quite put it into words just yet.

well in my case, I'm usually a bit oblivious to my flirtatiousness. I've usually considered myself as not knowing how to flirt, but now that i think about it, I do kind of act flirty with platonic guy friends, and have had responses from guys where they thought I liked them, but I didn't and then things got weird.

You know, I was never quite aware of it either, until my sister started pointed out "how obvious" this girl was flirting, or "how obvious" I was when I was flirting, or "how slutty" this girl was because she "flirted with everyone."
haha and I didn't want my sister or anyone else to get the wrong idea, and I didn't want anyone to think that I was leading them on, or think that I was a "slut"-so I totally shut off...and I hate it!
I get so worried that someone may think that I am flirting so I just make sure not to stare or anything...since staring is so personal for me...blah!
Azeroffs typed my sister as an SLE (and he spent time with her in person), I guess I am saying this just as a side note.

Things never got to the point of smooth sailing with us. I basically met him a little more than a year before i moved away, and it was in the 6 months before the move that all this heavy stuff transpired (after a 3 week stint of working together closely in a tough environment). We started talking more closely in the month before i moved away, but it was still sort of hot/cold i guess from both my end and his. Even after the final time we saw each other, there was an exchange of emails between us that was sort of that way as well. Before, I'd extended a personal invitation to him in person, to come to a graduation talk I was giving, and he'd acted like he was going to come, even joking about how he was going to ask me some tough questions. And turns out, the whole time he had a day off planned for that day so he wasn't even going to be there! So I emailed him saying that I was really offended that he didn't come. He actually responded saying it was his day off (which i'd already figured out by then), but I called him out on the fact that if he knew it was his day off, why say he'll come. And then, figuring that this may be the last time i communicate with him, I said i was kidding, I thought he was an intriguing guy, I enjoyed getting to know him, and that i'll miss him. sort of to illustrate the hot/coldness of it.

Wow! So I guess IEE's and SLI's DO like to take their time getting to know each other (he and I just started getting this way only a few short months ago...and we have been working together for a year and a half)

Okay, so, who sees who first? Because, the first time I saw him, he made me feel really uncomfortable because his stare made me feel like he knew me...and I was really thrown off.
We live in suburb where everybody knows everybody, so it kind of freaked me out...so much so, that I initially tried to avoid him (the suburb contains a lot of people who are very mean..and I was definitely one of the "outsiders").
Anyways, he kept noticing/engaging/trying to talk to me! I couldn't understand that since I was avoiding him and everything.
Maybe this is just a special case?

I prefer going to brunch with a couple of my close friends and having heart-to-hearts, or taking a walk in the sunshine, or going fruit-picking).

How happy! wow and fresh fruit! yum!

p.s. if you're interested, I'd described a lot of the events between us in the IEI-SLE thread in the beta quadra (b/c i initially thought I was IEI and he was SLE, BOY was i wrong!). Search "IEI-SLE" or "SLE-IEI" in the beta quadra forum.

oh WOW! IEI? that's crazy! and I definitely will. Lots of details gives me a clearer idea of the dynamic, which would probably help me with IEE SLI duality. Thanks!