Help with typing this guy

[Expat]

Right, I have some ideas about this guy's type, but I have been mistaken before, so perhaps you might give me your views - -

He's very gifted for languages (we actually met a a language class) and is fascinated by specific periods of history; he likes to visit Paris for its historical connections. But only very specific periods.

He's an engineer who worked in the same state-owned company since 15, at first as an office boy; due to this, and to some company/government schemes, he managed to retire at the age of 50. He had lofty plans to keep busy - he even got into college to study Philosophy - but once freed from the discipline of going to work, his daily routine dropped into chaos and a lot of inactivity.

His flat is neither overly chaotic nor impeccable. He has built extra shelves for his history books - lots of them. He does not care much for nice clothes or food but neither is he a slob.

He has admitted to be open to casual relationships whenever the opportunity arises (if he's single).

I've played tour guide for him and his girlfriend and he's very easygoing when travelling, takes it as it comes.

He neither talks all the time nor is he obviously "introverted" in the usual sense.

Now, the most important bit -- he has a daughter from a failed marriage; and after the divorce had a very clear ESFj woman as girlfriend. I know her better than him.

They stayed together for 10 years, but with lots of separations and comebacks (all on his initiative). Once he just told me that "what annoys me is that whenever we travel, she insists on doing everything, cant' take it easy".

When they split for a longer period, she told me that, during counselling, he said, "what annoys me is that, for instance, she wants to go to the movies every single fucking Friday and Saturday". She asked, puzzled, "but why don't you ever say something or suggest we do something else?" He didn't answer.

He left her saying that the sex was great and he'd like to go on with that, but he didn't think it worked in a real relationship. She refused, saying it was either a full relationship or nothing.

But after that, he continued to call her for small talk, tried to go where she was to see her, even appeared in a restaurant where she was with some friends, joined, got intoxicated, and said that no one else but him was driving her home.

Nevertheless he continued with the proposal for a "only sex-based" relationship.

Again, they had a "normal" relationship for 10 years, the woman's teenage kids liked him, and they did many travels together. They never really lived in the same flat, though.

The ESFj woman still doesn't understand what's in his mind. Apart from things like the described above, he never really told her exactly what bugged him.

What do you think?

[Phaedrus]

The information you are revealing, Expat, is not enough to draw any definite conclusion other than, if you have described him correctly, he is a Perceiving type for sure. But you knew that already, didn't you?

[Expat]

Yeah I did. That is also why I find difficult to type him. Just wondering if someone came up with something.

[Phaedrus]

One possibility that I can't rule out right now is that he is an INTp like me.

[Sarah]

But after that, he continued to call her for small talk, tried to go where she was to see her, even appeared in a restaurant where she was with some friends, joined, got intoxicated, and said that no one else but him was driving her home.

Pretty much all of it, but especially this part, sounds ESTp to me. (Going by the ones I know personally.)

[Expat]

I actually hadn't thought of INTp, it's possible, although it would surprise me if they were conflictors (and I can't see any other type for her but ESFj).

ESTp -- he's not talkative or self-confident enough, I'd say.

[Rocky]

ISTP

[Phaedrus]

These parts fit me quite well:

He's very gifted for languages,

He had lofty plans to keep busy - he even got into college to study Philosophy - but once freed from the discipline of going to work, his daily routine dropped into chaos and a lot of inactivity.

His flat is neither overly chaotic nor impeccable.

He does not care much for nice clothes or food but neither is he a slob.

he's very easygoing when travelling, takes it as it comes.

He neither talks all the time nor is he obviously "introverted" in the usual sense.

Once he just told me that "what annoys me is that whenever we travel, she insists on doing everything, cant' take it easy".

This part used to fit me when I was younger:

Apart from things like the described above, he never really told her exactly what bugged him.

These parts describe possible ways in which I can imagine myself acting, if I ever were in the same situation:

He has admitted to be open to casual relationships whenever the opportunity arises (if he's single).

When they split for a longer period, she told me that, during counselling, he said, "what annoys me is that, for instance, she wants to go to the movies every single fucking Friday and Saturday". She asked, puzzled, "but why don't you ever say something or suggest we do something else?" He didn't answer.

He left her saying that the sex was great and he'd like to go on with that, but he didn't think it worked in a real relationship.

[implied]

[Expat]

Yeah, ISTp makes sense, especially if Rocky also sees that -- certainly it fits supervision, since from what I've seen in such relationships, usually the supervisor can only see flaws in the supervisee, not in him/herself. It was the same when an ESTj woman told me about her ISFp ex.

I thought ENFp, because that would explain parts of their relationship (careful-infantile) and still be asymmetrical ie benefit. But careful-careful can work well I think.

I never felt supervised by him, but I think the ISTp-ENTj supervision is different, it is like what Smilingeyes described.

EDIT: interesting that Phaedrus identified so much with it --

[implied]

[Expat]

i don't think you have to hate your supervisor.

Of course, but in theory the supervisor hits your PoLR - - which ISTps don't, they don't seem to care, at least not that I ever noticed. Perhaps they hit my hidden agenda more.

[Phaedrus]

EDIT: interesting that Phaedrus identified so much with it --

Did I? I would have thought that the parts I mentioned could fit more than one Perceiving type. I have not yet thought that this guy is probably an INTp, because he is so much like me. One thing that does not fit me that well is his interest in history.