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Thread: Strong Ni interacting with weak Ni

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    Poster Nutbag The Exception's Avatar
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    Default Strong Ni interacting with weak Ni

    As an H-LII, I have very strong, though unvalued .


    My ESE mom has as her PoLR. I've gotten into conflicts with my PoLR mother over this function. Some examples:

    My mother will say things to me like you better hurry up or you won't get to where you're going on time. She's known to grossly overestimate the time something takes. I'll leave at a time that I know will still get me to my destination with plenty of time to spare, which makes my mom very nervous.

    Sometimes mom will have a sense of impending doom about alot of things, where I'll have a confidence that it will work out. My mom will see all these things that could go wrong, but I can see that so many of her fears are unfounded and most of these are extremely unlikely to happen.

    Conversely, I'll see things that can go wrong and she just thinks I worry too much. But I *know* my worries and concerns are very real and are worthy of concern. So I see myself of having a much better estimation of both time and a sense of how things are likely to unfold in the future. However, I can't seem to explain to my mother my reasoning behind this all in a way that convinces her to see it as I see it. She seems to need *concrete proof* that something will or will not work out, which I can't provide her with.

    Does anyone with strong have similar experiences when interacting with those who have weak , especially when interacting with PoLR types?
    LII-Ne with strong EII tendencies, 6w7-9w1-3w4 so/sp/sx, INxP



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    redbaron's Avatar
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    Hmmm, well, I would say that with the ESEs I know (I'm thinking of two--one, my husband and the other a good friend of mine--female), it can come across as a general cluelessness in day to day life. Like an inability to make cause and effect connections, to not be able to see the ramifications of things OR to know there must be some meaning there but not be able to really figure it out and either forget about it or obsess over it (depending on the issue and its importance).

    Regarding time, my husband will either be hyper-diligent about getting somewhere on time to the point of annoying me, OR he'll say "we have plenty of time, don't worry about it" having not thought it through and then gets REALLY frustrated when we're late (and he knows it's his fault).

    He also has that impending doom thing when he can't control a situation or things aren't going the way he planned. I try to tell him that it will all work out and he doesn't believe me. So yeah, it can be frustrating dealing with Ni polrs.
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    My mother is ESE too. She fits the type on many levels, but I knew she was one almost as soon as I read Ni-PoLR description. It was just obvious.

    I would say what I'm annoyed with is nearly everything, but then we're conflictors. All that you and redbaron mentioned, and more. (Actually I started writing a rant about it, but decided against it.) What interests me here are two things. First, what do you think of this part of the description:

    ESEs are more confortable narrating events or stories, or making a point, on a sequential basis - "this happened, and then this, and then that" - since they are not confident that others will connect the dots as to how one event leads to the other, since the ESEs do not feel confident when doing that themselves.
    Does it annoy you? How much?

    Another thing is what you've said here:

    However, I can't seem to explain to my mother my reasoning behind this all in a way that convinces her to see it as I see it. She seems to need *concrete proof* that something will or will not work out, which I can't provide her with.
    So far in my experience giving reassuring -conclusions works perfectly, even if there's little to no concrete proof / evidence (I don't have an easy time succeeding, but my father - LII - does). It's possible she doesn't view you as a reliable source (especially if you aren't confident or she doesn't perceive you as a successful person), but it seems weird LII would have a problem there.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Aiss View Post
    Does it annoy you? How much?
    My mother often does the narrating of events or stories thing. It annoys me when it takes forever for her to get to the point. Sometimes she'll put a bunch of stuff in there that's rather superfluous. I think this part of her weak actually, she doesn't always know what's relevant or irrelevant to the main point. And she'll underestimate my ability to connect the dots and I'll be telling her that I know where you're going with this and what you're gonna say next and I start tuning her out and she complains that I don't listen to her well enough.
    LII-Ne with strong EII tendencies, 6w7-9w1-3w4 so/sp/sx, INxP



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    redbaron's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by warrior-librarian View Post
    My mother often does the narrating of events or stories thing. It annoys me when it takes forever for her to get to the point. Sometimes she'll put a bunch of stuff in there that's rather superfluous. I think this part of her weak actually, she doesn't always know what's relevant or irrelevant to the main point. And she'll underestimate my ability to connect the dots and I'll be telling her that I know where you're going with this and what you're gonna say next and I start tuning her out and she complains that I don't listen to her well enough.
    yes! My female ESE friend takes forever telling a story too, but I just sit there patiently. But when my husband does it, I do sometimes jump ahead cause I know exactly what he's going to say and why and all of that. He complains that I don't listen! But that's really not the case, it's just that I already KNOW what he's saying. I guess it probably does make me look like a know-it-all but it's hard to sit there and act interested when it seems so predictable and basic. Once he came to me with this "revelation". And I felt like saying "are you serious?" because it seemed like such an obvious thing, and something I had known forever. But I held myself back from commenting negatively.
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    Quote Originally Posted by warrior-librarian View Post
    My mother often does the narrating of events or stories thing. It annoys me when it takes forever for her to get to the point. Sometimes she'll put a bunch of stuff in there that's rather superfluous. I think this part of her weak actually, she doesn't always know what's relevant or irrelevant to the main point. And she'll underestimate my ability to connect the dots and I'll be telling her that I know where you're going with this and what you're gonna say next and I start tuning her out and she complains that I don't listen to her well enough.
    I ask because LIIs tend to be more patient with it, or tune it out but pretend to care. Whereas in my case it usually ends with my mother following me around the house reminding me she isn't speaking to me because I'm "being impossible", or something of the sort.

    It's related to -role as well, it's like they're afraid to miss a relevant detail but don't know what is relevant, so they relate a whole lot of irrelevant stuff.

    ***

    You should probably ask other LIIs how they react to this, theoretically duals should be able to better work around each other's PoLR. You seem really bothered with it, although maybe not to the point I am.

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    My dad's an LSI; he isn't so much nervous about Ni things, like an Si, such as arriving on time for appointments, instead he's stern and rather imposing when it comes to following through, as well as making sure others are too.
    He would become become quite surly when it came to making sure everyone was ready to go by a specific time

    *keep in mind that I'm saying this from a biased position since I don't value the Se approach to doing things*
    EII INFj
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