Why do Fe dominants grate on me so?

[Creepy-male]

I find Fe bases really, really annoying when they fly off the handle or "freely express" themselves (especially in my face; my ESE friend and EIE stepmum were frequent offenders in this way). It isn't just limited to getting pissy or cranky with me or flying off the handle, but also if they're overly bubbly and cheery in a bustling, invasive way, like they want me to respond or get involved things or whatever.

Is there a Socionics explanation for this?

[consentingadult]

I find Fe bases really, really annoying when they fly off the handle or "freely express" themselves (especially in my face; my ESE friend and EIE stepmum were frequent offenders in this way). It isn't just limited to getting pissy or cranky with me or flying off the handle, but also if they're overly bubbly and cheery in a bustling, invasive way, like they want me to respond or get involved things or whatever.

Is there a Socionics explanation for this?

Not if you believe you are SEI.

[Creepy-male]

Not if you believe you are SEI.

For the purposes of this exercise, you're allowed to put forth explanations that involve me being a type other than SEI. But kudos for defying my expectations about your post.

[consentingadult]

For the purposes of this exercise, you're allowed to put forth explanations that involve me being a type other than SEI. But kudos for defying my expectations about your post.

I mean it. The view you have of yourself doesn't match with how you really are. If you don't accept yourself, how can you expect someone else will? The root of your frustrations is not other people, it's you yourself!

Besides, I and other people have already put forward our explanations. You don't have to listen to us; it's your loss, not ours.

[Morcheeba]

The stereotypes need to stop. Not all types act the same way, there is a lot of misinformation out there, and imo, I have found other types to be this way to a higher degree. Of course, Fe dominants can be this way; but we have to take into consideration nature vs. nurture. My whole life, I was taught to be quiet and good mannered for the reason of being raised by my great-grandparents. Sociotype has little to do with explosive nature, it has more to do with environment plus many other factors.
I know plenty of IEE's and SEE's that fit the description of what you are talking about. I have also met SLI's who fly off the handle but they are for different reasons and they do this for a different cause and effect.
Being FE dominant, I rarely get worked up about things, but of course I'm a harmonizing type; so please don't stereotype the elements. All that's gonna do is start a domino effect of resenting and this line of thinking is just plain foolish.

[Creepy-male]

I mean it. The view you have of yourself doesn't match with how you really are. If you don't accept yourself, how can you expect someone else will?

Ok, here's a different question. What if someone else has accepted me? What if this particular person has given me their insights into who I am? What if, on top of that, this person has given me a strong personal sense of being an individual with an identity and a personality?

These are actual questions, so feel free to answer them. I encourage you to.

The root of your frustrations is not other people, it's you yourself!

No, the root of my frustrations is with people who get emotional and pissy at me. It's unjust because I spend so much energy keeping myself calm, and then some petty bloody git has a bad day and takes it out on me because I'm in the .

If you want to psychoanalyse me, try a developmental angle. Or better yet, don't psychoanalyse me. At all. I see a counsellor for this stuff, not some toxic mind-worm who ponces about proclaiming to know the truth and takes every ready opportunity to shove it down other people's throats.

My friend, I've had issues with your self-important nonsense for far longer than you've been haranguing me with this psycho-babble, so don't go to that as an excuse. Really.

Besides, I and other people have already put forward our explanations. You don't have to listen to us; it's your loss, not ours.

Back on calm, sane ground, is this comment based on the assumption that this thread was in any way motivated by me being confused by my type? To clarify, it's a question that I don't have an answer for, and when I encounter questions like that, I ask, because I'm curious.

[Morcheeba]

Brian, do you have a close relationship with your family, just curious.

[Rubicon]

No, the root of my frustrations is with people who get emotional and pissy at me. It's unjust because I spend so much energy keeping myself calm, and then some petty bloody git has a bad day and takes it out on me because I'm in the .

What does spending energy on keeping yourself calm entail?

[The Exception]

I find Fe bases really, really annoying when they fly off the handle or "freely express" themselves (especially in my face; my ESE friend and EIE stepmum were frequent offenders in this way). It isn't just limited to getting pissy or cranky with me or flying off the handle, but also if they're overly bubbly and cheery in a bustling, invasive way, like they want me to respond or get involved things or whatever.

Is there a Socionics explanation for this?

I do agree with Morcheeba that some of this of behavior you describe is rather stereotypical and I don't think all ESE/EIE are like this. However I do think that Fe-ESEs and Fe-EIEs might be more prone to this kind of behavior than the other subtype. Since you're an Si subtype, I could see maybe why you'd might find such overemotionality uncomfortable.

I feel the same way myself. I've also found some of the ESE/EIEs overly emotional in a way that turns me off, which makes me wonder if these types are really my duals/semi duals and ultimately if I am in fact really an LII. However, looking at it from the subtype angle, an LII-Ne, assuming that's what I really am, would be expected to feel more at ease with an ESE-Si than with an ESE-Fe. That's been my experience anyway.

[Slacker]

Now you have me wondering if you're IEE. You don't value Fe (though I'm not generally grated by base Fe types, though in some circumstances I can feel that way), and if you have to work hard to make yourself calm (sounds like Si dual seeking).

[Creepy-male]

Brian, do you have a close relationship with your family, just curious.

Bitter and distant.

EDIT

What does spending energy on keeping yourself calm entail?

Sometimes people can really get on my nerves, and it takes a big effort on my part to not lash out at them for it. It's also uncomfortable for me to have to try and hold myself back like that.

@SlackerMom, that's what I meant by "keeping myself calm": "emotionally restraining myself". Does that affect your opinion any?

I think I'm really inert and low-energy in that sense of "calm", much moreso than a friend of mine, who says she constantly feels agitated and like she has to be going somewhere or doing something (or something along those lines; don't quote me on that, because I definitely wasn't quoting her remotely ). Comparisons she's drawn between the two of us are the main reason I think I'm IP and she's EP.

[Morcheeba]

I can tell you that in all honesty, is one of my least favorite functions, which is odd because it's my base function. I think I may be wording this wrong, but sense all functions are complex, I can agree with you on some aspects of being down right annoying. If you met me, you probably wouldn't think it was my dominant function since I'm an subtype. But, as contradictory as it may be, my first function is something that rubs me the wrong way at times as well. Being so attuned to the ethical behavior of others can be draining, but I suppose any type can get annoyed with their ego functions.
Remember, all people are on different levels of maturity so to speak, so I know exactly the kind of dominants you are speaking of. In fact, my ex was an EIE and it was the worst relationship I've ever had because he used it in such a 1 dimensional way, rather than 4th dimensionally as it should be. Usually people who use their base function in this way use it in a crude superficial sense; so it becomes manipulative rather than a function that should be used for empathy and self expression in a way that doesn't harm or turn off others.

[Rubicon]

Sometimes people can really get on my nerves, and it takes a big effort on my part to not lash out at them for it. It's also uncomfortable for me to have to try and hold myself back like that.

@SlackerMom, that's what I meant by "keeping myself calm": "emotionally restraining myself". Does that affect your opinion any?

I think I'm really inert and low-energy in that sense of "calm", much moreso than a friend of mine, who says she constantly feels agitated and like she has to be going somewhere or doing something (or something along those lines; don't quote me on that, because I definitely wasn't quoting her remotely ). Comparisons she's drawn between the two of us are the main reason I think I'm IP and she's EP.

Hmm that's interesting. I don't know what's function-attributable or what :-p.. but I don't really relate at all to making an effort not to lash out. I often feel like I should make an effort to appear more alive/emotional as opposed to too laidback. :-p Actually, I like taking the opportunity to be emotionally-unrestrained as much as possible .. because even then it's probably a lot less than a lot of people. haha I can be kinda fidgety, movement-wise though .. feeling like I should be doing something. lol Who knows?

Oh I definitely don't like the idea of emotionally lashing out at others because a person's had a bad day though. That makes me annoyed too.

[Mediator Kam]

If anything, your description of Fe leading would fit me, except being pissy or cranky.

[Creepy-Pied Piper]

Removed at User Request

[thePirate]

Ok, here's a different question. What if someone else has accepted me? What if this particular person has given me their insights into who I am? What if, on top of that, this person has given me a strong personal sense of being an individual with an identity and a personality?

then this is honestly a damn shame.

I keep intending to ignore your posts, but I feel compelled to look because I feel bad for you. Its quite possible it will takes years, if ever, for you to find your real type using this approach.

you are not SEI man, I know a decent amount of them, one for over a decade and you are absolutely not one of them. this sounds empty, so please, make a thread and put out why you feel this is so and I(and others) will gladly shut you down. not trying to be a douche, I just honestly find this rediculous. you dont have the control over Fe you think you do, and have never seen an ounce of your Si adeptness. all these people keep telling you things, you are someone who seems easy to manipulate; sadly this has been shown by your ever ranging type switches. you gotta know yourself, consenting is right; you do show a lack of self awareness in comparison to how you really are. unfortunately, thats the key to finding your type.

maybe you should just forget about all this until you grow up abit

[consentingadult]

Ok, here's a different question. What if someone else has accepted me? What if this particular person has given me their insights into who I am? What if, on top of that, this person has given me a strong personal sense of being an individual with an identity and a personality?

These are actual questions, so feel free to answer them. I encourage you to.

So you are letting your self-esteem depend on what someone else says about you? And you really believe you have an indentity and a personality? Aren't you confusing the concept of personality with persona here? Self-esteem does not come from other people, it comes rom the inside.

No, the root of my frustrations is with people who get emotional and pissy at me. It's unjust because I spend so much energy keeping myself calm, and then some petty bloody git has a bad day and takes it out on me because I'm in the .

The ultimte proof you cannot be a leading Si types, because they are calm by default. It's undualized leading Ne types that have to spent much energy to keep calm.

If you want to psychoanalyse me, try a developmental angle. Or better yet, don't psychoanalyse me. At all. I see a counsellor for this stuff, not some toxic mind-worm who ponces about proclaiming to know the truth and takes every ready opportunity to shove it down other people's throats.

You see a counsellor for your issues, but claim to have identity and personality? That's odd! And I'm not shoving it down other people's throats, only your throat!

My friend, I've had issues with your self-important nonsense for far longer than you've been haranguing me with this psycho-babble, so don't go to that as an excuse. Really.

You've had issues? well, don't expect me to move an inch, because as long as you are continuing your attention seeking behaviors, I'm going to be right behind you, whatever you think of my psycho babble.

Back on calm, sane ground, is this comment based on the assumption that this thread was in any way motivated by me being confused by my type? To clarify, it's a question that I don't have an answer for, and when I encounter questions like that, I ask, because I'm curious.

Ah, you are confused about your type? Now we are getting somewhere!

[jewels]

I think Brian's posts are really amusing, and could see him either as a semi-dual or identical.

[jewels]

This is a great reminder and it's true. My sister is EIE and used the Fe in the manipulative way you describe, but she has issues. I started to actually fear other EIEs because of that, but have noticed the more complex empathetic way other EIEs use it. I mean really there are good and bad of all types...I definitely have known IEEs who are selfish jerks, but it doesn't mean all are, and I think this is a good point you've reminded us of. An EIE actually helped me out a lot recently when I ended up stranded at a bar (bad situation) and even though we'd never particularly gotten along, she was the one who ended up getting me out of that situation. So yeah, some amazing EIEs out there. And not all are like you say with the Fe.

I can tell you that in all honesty, is one of my least favorite functions, which is odd because it's my base function. I think I may be wording this wrong, but sense all functions are complex, I can agree with you on some aspects of being down right annoying. If you met me, you probably wouldn't think it was my dominant function since I'm an subtype. But, as contradictory as it may be, my first function is something that rubs me the wrong way at times as well. Being so attuned to the ethical behavior of others can be draining, but I suppose any type can get annoyed with their ego functions.
Remember, all people are on different levels of maturity so to speak, so I know exactly the kind of dominants you are speaking of. In fact, my ex was an EIE and it was the worst relationship I've ever had because he used it in such a 1 dimensional way, rather than 4th dimensionally as it should be. Usually people who use their base function in this way use it in a crude superficial sense; so it becomes manipulative rather than a function that should be used for empathy and self expression in a way that doesn't harm or turn off others.

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

Fe dominates grate everybody, except for Fe dual-seekers. =p

[krieger]

No, they grate on us too. We just like to correct things.

[The Exception]

I think Brian's posts are really amusing, and could see him either as a semi-dual or identical.

I propose we start a Brian fan club.