Throughout my life I've often felt like I've been without much obvious significance. Like I'm just kind of there, filling in space and if I'm gone no one will notice much anyway. I've never been the type to really put myself out there on things. Instead I've tended to wait for other people to take notice as to what I can do well much to my own detriment.
Some examples on how its played out in my life:
When I took a break from this forum for a few months, I don't think too many people noticed my absence. The forum was basically the same without me. If I were to leave the forum now and never come back, I expect it to be similar.
When I graduated from high school, when I went up to the podium to get
my diploma, there was hardly any applause from the audience as if hardly anyone knew who I was. I think the only people clapping and cheering were my family. On the other hand, the more popular students got tons of applause. For some reason this incident still bothers me today. In high school, I wasn't good in sports, music, art, or theatre. So that eliminated most extracurricular activities except the nerdy ones like Spanish club and quiz bowl. I did really well academically but that was about it. I wasn't good looking, I wasn't popular, I never went to prom, heck I never went to a single school dance. I never got asked out for a date once. Of course I never asked anyone out either.
Job hunting is a problem because I have a hard time self-promoting myself. It's just contrary to who I am. If I'm good at something, they should be able to notice that, I shouldn't have to blatantly advertise it. I've often felt that I've been overlooked for alot of jobs that I know were a really good fit for me and that I would have been good at. And I think a large part of why I'm getting rejected so much is because I lack that physical presence and willingness to put myself out there. I've been working on this to some extent but it just feels so unnatural to me.
I get the general impression that not too many people are attracted to me or find me interesting. I have a feeling when I die, very few people are going remember me, aside from family. I don't have any lasting accomplishments of real significance either.
I've yet to be in a relationship with someone that lasts more than a few months. In one sense I'm terrified of intimate relationships but I know deep down I really want to find that someone who truly loves me and wants to spend the rest of my life with me because then I would feel like I had more significance.
I've been mildly depressed lately about this whole lacking impact thing. Is this a type related thing? I can certainly see how this could relate to having weak . But are there other factors too?