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Thread: I love you, I love you not, dear SLI

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    Default I love you, I love you not, dear SLI

    How long have you SLIs been with your duals? How many serious relationships have you had? How comfortable are SLIs with cheating and not saying anything? Do they keep their promises of fidelity?


    my sli and i have been quarreling. We've been on and off since as long as i can remember. we're not off right now, but we're in a long distance relationship and things are really taking a toll. as if being in a relationship a million miles away isn't hard enough, he's always busy. i know hes not doing work all the time cause his friends live in his house and they're always coming by...and i feel like it wouldnt kill him to make some time for me. thats not where the quarrel came in yet, but i think thats the root of the problem. we've talked about it a million times and we agreed that becuase he didnt have enough time for me that he would text once in a while or something else. then we argued about it again and the next time, he told me that i could text him if i missed him too much. then we argued about it again he all he was telling me was that he never asked for this--us...and that i cause unnecessary stress on his life, that his life was 100% with his fraternity. this just made me feel like he didn't want to be with me, but why is he even trying to make it work? afraid to end things?

    he travels sometimes to other schools where he can do anything he wants with girls and i wouldnt even know about it. he just doesnt say anything...im not sure if i can believe him when he says nothing happens when my friends will find pictures of girls hugging him and sitting on him at parties. Now, i know it sounds like no big deal, but i just feel betrayed because ive resisted so much temptation here at college. i don't even allow myself to think about other guys, touch them and even flirt! did i put myself here? is flirting and sitting on other guys okay? i wouldnt have a problem with it if he would tell me what i'm allowed to do everything he allows girls to do with him. i just want things to be fair. he tells me listen, girls flirt with me, so deal with it. deal with it?! DEAL WITH IT?! a lot of guys flirt with me too...except i know he can trust that i'll respect him...i think its just so effed up. >

    so basically, i dont even know what my sli wants from me. is he just making things work just enough so that i wont leave? i want to be understanding, but i just feel like im not getting anything and having these arguments are getting pointless. if he does not try to find a way to make me happy and actually come through, should i break up with him? i feel really unhappy and even though i love him a lot, i hate him for leaving me lonely and not caring about me or even trying to feign some type of understanding.

    any similar experiences? advice? im so confused.
    Peggacorn
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    Haikus Beautiful sky's Avatar
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    My parents have been married for 32 and a half years, and my father (SLI) has been faithful for 33 of those years.

    Do you love him and want to be with him? Usually, if you are arguing about having to call too many times because you miss the person, it's that you really miss them. It doesn't sound like he's giving the right response for you missing him.

    You need to try to find things for yourself and build other meaningful relationships for you, like having friendships and hobbies. Maybe if you distance yourself a little he will feel more comfortable with the relationship; usually though, SLI love the attention and love feeling close to their significant other, like getting lots of phone calls and such.

    Are you afraid to end it?

    Your activities with other men have to not only be ok with you but also with the person you are dating or seeing. I think it sounds clear that he wants distance and independence, first and foremost. Then I think he will decide what he wants when he feels comfortable that he can have that from you.

    The more independence yet affection an SLI has, the more they want the relationship.
    I think by giving yourself some distance from this relationship, because the arguments sound unhealthy and unproductive, that will give you time to think about your emotional situation and maybe you will find the answers there.

    He sounds like a young, college person, not ready for a serious life.
    Last edited by Beautiful sky; 04-23-2010 at 11:58 PM.

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    he sounds like a total jerk! And I see you're in NYC. There are way too many guys here to hold onto something long distance w/ someone who is being a bastard like that. There are SLIs in the city other than him!!
    Hi! I'm an ENFP. :-)

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    My impression is that he doesn't want to lose you, but at the same time doesn't want to be in a serious relationship. I think it might be best to just move on to another guy who is close by, as hard as that seems atm for you. Instead of making things official, like saying "we're breaking up" or something like that, start developing feelings for other guys, and being open to it. At some point things might be clearer to you, but I don't suggest on breaking up officially until you see what's out there, because the follow through is very important when you do that. You might get into a cycle of breaking it off and restarting, and you won't be taken seriously.

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    Bummer. Been there, done that. And honestly, I'm happier without it.
    IEE

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    Quote Originally Posted by 3RainbowSprinkles View Post
    any similar experiences? advice? im so confused.
    heh
    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

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    and what's w/ all the f'ed up SLIs we all seem to know?

    I know there are good ones out there. Let's all go find some...
    Hi! I'm an ENFP. :-)

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    Creepy-

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    He knows how much he means to you, and he's taking advantage of how much you care and of the fact that you are a good person... and apparently a very tolerant person, at least up until now.

    Whether he cares for you or not is irrelevant at this point, imo. Actions > feelings and words. His actions suck.

    My advice would be to dump him, telling him exactly why [that you won't put up w that kind of bs]. If he realizes what an ass he's been and comes back maybe you can give him another chance, but I wouldn't, at least not right now; you seem to have given him plenty of chances, and he in turn seems to have shown his true colors repeatedly [though maybe it's a maturity thing at this point].

    It's hard and it sucks, but this can be your big moment where you decide what you will and won't stand for, and enforce that. Whatever you decide, good luck!

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    Creepy-sarahdxwrappd

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    ...oh man, been there too. it's awful.

    well for one, fraternity boy? never a good idea. long-distance too. that in itself slims down the chances of it working out.. as much as that sucks to hear.

    ..how often do you see eachother? most guys in general are out-of-sight out-of-mind. not that that automatically makes him or any guy promiscious, but it does mean that whatever is infront of him...seems slightly more important than what isn't, atleast in the case of, "I'll do what I can right now for what's infront of me". so since you're not... you take the backseat to what seems like evvvvverything else. But you aren't naive and I think you knew from the get-go that things would sort of be like how they are...that's just how dudes are, especially SLIs.

    the whole red flag is he knows exactly what he's doing and from what you said, seems indifferent to putting forth an effort. oh god and how hard is it to send a text or call?
    I personally would just leave him alone. Don't go out and date like some posters said...that won't help your situation, and besides your stick on him, nothing wrong with that...you'll see fairly soon if he reacts different to you not contacting him and hey, if he still doesn't...well that's your answer and it's actually alot easier to accept when you see, hey, guy's an asshole.
    and then date like hell til you find someone worth it.

    ...don't obsess. if you're like me, that's really hard not to do, but you'll get your answer.

  10. #10
    Creepy-sarahdxwrappd

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    And btw,
    SLIs can definitly be faithful. my SLI ex was a great guy, I felt like he didn't care alot of the time, but he showed his affection after-the-fact...it was all "too little, too late" for me, but I still look back and know he was keeper..for someone else.

    the SLIs I know are notorious for staying stuck on an ex. especially a longterm ex. so that's...something to say for their commitment i guess.

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    Quote Originally Posted by SoapOfSapphire View Post
    He knows how much he means to you, and he's taking advantage of how much you care and of the fact that you are a good person... and apparently a very tolerant person, at least up until now.

    Whether he cares for you or not is irrelevant at this point, imo. Actions > feelings and words. His actions suck.

    My advice would be to dump him, telling him exactly why [that you won't put up w that kind of bs]. If he realizes what an ass he's been and comes back maybe you can give him another chance, but I wouldn't, at least not right now; you seem to have given him plenty of chances, and he in turn seems to have shown his true colors repeatedly [though maybe it's a maturity thing at this point].

    It's hard and it sucks, but this can be your big moment where you decide what you will and won't stand for, and enforce that. Whatever you decide, good luck!
    I agree with this. It's going to sound harsh, but you're letting him treat you that way and let me tell you, as soon as you turn the tables and stop appearing to need him, you'll get your answer as to whether or not he cares. He'll either a)apologize and improve his behavior or b)continue the same behavior and just not care. Sometimes I think people let others treat them like crap just because they're afraid of losing that person but that's really just a shitty thing to do to yourself. I've finally realized that. They treat you like crap, treat them the same exact way and move on. You really want someone that doesn't give you the time of day? You might care about him a lot now, sure...but trust me that in time, those feelings fade and you'll wonder what you were ever doing wasting so much time when you could have met a ton of other men that'll treat you much better. And in my experience, long distance is extremely hard. A ton of trust has to be there and if it's not, it basically doesn't work.

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    Breaking stereotypes Suz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 3RainbowSprinkles View Post
    any similar experiences?
    oh yes. . . Slightly different in that we weren't actually in a relationship, we had some duality going on for several months, with him obviously being attracted. Interestingly despite being in his late 20s he had never been in a long-term relationship before (as far as I know) and when I first met him had actually expressed in passing that he doesn't believe guys are made to be in relationships/marriage. He had led the sort of lifestyle your guy is leading--also a fraternity boy, very into hard partying, lots of drinking, lots of women. When I asked him "what's so great about being a bachelor?" he smirked and said "you have no idea. . ." And he was VERY flirty with lots of women (not so much with me actually, but it could have been b/c I was in charge of him for a little while back then).

    Anyway, then over like 6 months or so we seemed to start dualizing and during that time was when I discovered socionics through the duality description matching my unique interactions with him and the unique way i felt around him.

    Then I had to move away to another city for a job. I hinted a bit of my interest in him that way, especially in the week or so before I left. But like sarahdxwrapped said, it was "out of sight, out of mind" for him, and he ended up very PUBLICALLY announcing a relationship with a girl he'd just met, literally like 2 months after I left. It was seriously such a heartbreaker for me at the time because of the connection we'd had, and as everyone here knows, I took it really hard, and it took me a LONG time to get over it. And it was really weird because, again, we never really had a relationship, never had any physical involvement either, things were never really officially stated between us (until i confessed my feelings after he announced his relationship--he never answered that either). But the duality was really there, it was a unique sort of chemistry that transcends words. Like the "stages of duality" states, I can't really describe it.

    Anyway, such appears to be the nature of SLIs. . .I do think they are especially like this (even though many guys tend to be this way). They take the "easy" route, if it exists. And well, staying in touch with me, and trying to develop a new relationship over long distance would have just been too hard. And heck, maybe I would have realized that too down the road. I think as they mature, and learn about relationships by trial and error (something we IEEs dont really have to go through as much because it's our talent), they get better at being in relationships.

    This has been a product of months and months of reflecting upon my profound experiences with him, both good and bad, his actions and how confusing they were, and what i know of socionics. Even though he will always have a special place in my heart as the first dual i ever dualized with, I have finally been able to put him aside in my mind and unleash my heart from the shackles he put it in. I'm meeting lots of new people, and am really ready to move on now. Honestly, even if he expresses interest, I doubt i would even want to be in a relationship with him at this point. Too little in common, and too much hurt in the memories.

    So that in a very short nutshell, is my story.

    advice?
    I wish. . .unfortunately not.


    im so confused.
    Girl, you and me both. . .:frown:
    Last edited by Suz; 04-24-2010 at 04:57 AM.
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    Frat boys....

    not exactly who I'd go to if you want a man in your life - to make a fat generalization.
    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Maritsa33 View Post
    She's asking for advice....
    Are you offering?
    Find a real man.
    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

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    Breaking stereotypes Suz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ryu View Post
    Frat boys....

    not exactly who I'd go to if you want a man in your life - to make a fat generalization.
    You know, i've always been of that opinion too. That was one of the reasons i didnt initially view this guy as a romantic interest in the least. Then we got stuck working together for like 3 weeks, and duality happened


    Quote Originally Posted by Ryu View Post
    Find a real man.
    WELL SAID!
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ryu View Post
    Find a real man.
    Short and sweet.

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    Maybe i should clear the air about a few things with my particular SLI and I. He's not the typical asshole SLI that people are used to...we've just been through so much and seen each other at our worse and our best. hes really grown and is not a silly child playing games with my heart. we have a serious relationship and we need a serious long term solution.

    Quote Originally Posted by Maritsa33 View Post
    My parents have been married for 32 and a half years, and my father (SLI) has been faithful for 33 of those years.

    You need to try to find things for yourself and build other meaningful relationships for you, like having friendships and hobbies. Maybe if you distance yourself a little he will feel more comfortable with the relationship; usually though, SLI love the attention and love feeling close to their significant other, like getting lots of phone calls and such.

    The more independence yet affection an SLI has, the more they want the relationship.
    I think by giving yourself some distance from this relationship, because the arguments sound unhealthy and unproductive, that will give you time to think about your emotional situation and maybe you will find the answers there.

    He sounds like a young, college person, not ready for a serious life.
    the first part made my heart melt--and the more time i have to think about it, the more i realize that my sli loves me, very, very much. he wouldn't tell me something or promise me something only to lie. hes very straight forward...maybe the distance makes this hard for me to remember all the time.

    he did mention that i'm really spending too much time thinking about what i want him to do. perhaps i should go get a new hobby...or something. i just dont know where to start! ...not yet anyway

    Quote Originally Posted by jessica129 View Post
    I agree with this. It's going to sound harsh, but you're letting him treat you that way and let me tell you, as soon as you turn the tables and stop appearing to need him, you'll get your answer as to whether or not he cares. He'll either a)apologize and improve his behavior or b)continue the same behavior and just not care. Sometimes I think people let others treat them like crap just because they're afraid of losing that person but that's really just a shitty thing to do to yourself. I've finally realized that. They treat you like crap, treat them the same exact way and move on. You really want someone that doesn't give you the time of day? You might care about him a lot now, sure...but trust me that in time, those feelings fade and you'll wonder what you were ever doing wasting so much time when you could have met a ton of other men that'll treat you much better. And in my experience, long distance is extremely hard. A ton of trust has to be there and if it's not, it basically doesn't work.
    trust...how do i develop more of that? hes just so freakin beautiful that i don't know...i just feel like if all the girls are coming up to him and sitting on his lap that hell wanna go for it. ive asked him a lot if he felt like i was keeping him back from experiencing life with other girls..and hes always replied no. <3 which i love, but im just scared hes just saying that so we wont argue, but i would want him to tell me the truth, so that he could have all the life experiences he wants if we ever start our lives together.

    it's really hard for me to turn the tables on my SLI. my initial tendency is to go for it and nip the problem in the butt...talk it all out. it frustrates me that he needs more time to think things out--and hes slow as hell cuz hes so DAMN BUSY all the time...freakin long distance. im just getting so angry again. ive been trying to give us some time and distance.

    Quote Originally Posted by sarahdxwrappd View Post
    And btw,
    SLIs can definitly be faithful. my SLI ex was a great guy, I felt like he didn't care alot of the time, but he showed his affection after-the-fact...it was all "too little, too late" for me, but I still look back and know he was keeper..for someone else.

    the SLIs I know are notorious for staying stuck on an ex. especially a longterm ex. so that's...something to say for their commitment i guess.
    we have been going out on and off for over 7 years. i guess i would mean A LOT to him. maybe?

    Quote Originally Posted by Ryu View Post
    Find a real man.
    my SLI is a real man. maybe not full grown yet, but he does a lot of things that i admire. he works really hard for his fraternity. its not all about party all the time, get with girls and meet and greet for him. he does all the things that nobody else wants to. he takes care of the house, talks to the landlord, handles the events, leads discussions for their chapter meetings every week...plans the parties, runs them... :'( he does lead a very busy life...i guess thats just whats breaking my heart...that all of that is more important than me. maybe it is...


    thank you everyone for input. :] it's really seemed to clear my head a little more and i can see that there are certain things that my SLI are, but certain things that he most certainly is NOT. The next time i have a chance to talk to him...I'll see what the turn out is i guess...

    seriously, thank you tho. ive been feeling so lost. still do.
    Peggacorn
    ENFP

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    Quote Originally Posted by WorkaholicsAnon View Post
    You know, i've always been of that opinion too. That was one of the reasons i didnt initially view this guy as a romantic interest in the least. Then we got stuck working together for like 3 weeks, and duality happened
    My recent experience with frat boys was like I went back to the cusp of middle school and high school. It was so juvenile. I can't imagine a woman trying to find a fulfilling relationship with one of those dudes. It was a sort of denial of not being outside of that period of one's life, and it was rather disturbing to me.


    WELL SAID!
    It's kind of sad, women seem to hope people will be what they want them to be, or after so much disappointment just start 'settling'. This is very detla/aristocratic perhaps, but, I know that only a certain caliber person can provide me with relational happiness - and that's basically how I advise other people as well.
    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

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    Quote Originally Posted by 3RainbowSprinkles View Post
    the first part made my heart melt--and the more time i have to think about it, the more i realize that my sli loves me, very, very much. he wouldn't tell me something or promise me something only to lie. hes very straight forward...maybe the distance makes this hard for me to remember all the time.
    You obviously value this connection you have and the only way to keep something is to give it space and let it come to it's own terms naturally. So a hobby would be something you've always liked in your childhood; one of mine was going to museums; so I would take what I like and develop it into something meaningful for myself and others; like, starting a blog.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ryu View Post
    My recent experience with frat boys was like I went back to the cusp of middle school and high school. It was so juvenile. I can't imagine a woman trying to find a fulfilling relationship with one of those dudes. It was a sort of denial of not being outside of that period of one's life, and it was rather disturbing to me.



    It's kind of sad, women seem to hope people will be what they want them to be, or after so much disappointment just start 'settling'. This is very detla/aristocratic perhaps, but, I know that only a certain caliber person can provide me with relational happiness - and that's basically how I advise other people as well.
    Well, because of your certain caliber of person, your dual's are up shit creek, because there's just too much competition and we don't like that very much.

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    Quote Originally Posted by 3RainbowSprinkles View Post
    my SLI is a real man. maybe not full grown yet, but he does a lot of things that i admire. he works really hard for his fraternity. its not all about party all the time, get with girls and meet and greet for him. he does all the things that nobody else wants to. he takes care of the house, talks to the landlord, handles the events, leads discussions for their chapter meetings every week...plans the parties, runs them... :'( he does lead a very busy life...i guess thats just whats breaking my heart...that all of that is more important than me. maybe it is...
    Bullshit

    He's not a real man because he doesn't know a woman's worth

    See Alicia Keys...

    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Maritsa33 View Post
    Well, because of your certain caliber of person, your dual's are up shit creek, because there's just too much competition and we don't like that very much.
    huh?
    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

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    Haikus Beautiful sky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 3RainbowSprinkles View Post
    trust...how do i develop more of that? hes just so freakin beautiful that i don't know...i just feel like if all the girls are coming up to him and sitting on his lap that hell wanna go for it. ive asked him a lot if he felt like i was keeping him back from experiencing life with other girls..and hes always replied no. <3 which i love, but im just scared hes just saying that so we wont argue, but i would want him to tell me the truth, so that he could have all the life experiences he wants if we ever start our lives together. it's really hard for me to turn the tables on my SLI. my initial tendency is to go for it and nip the problem in the butt...talk it all out. it frustrates me that he needs more time to think things out--and hes slow as hell cuz hes so DAMN BUSY all the time...freakin long distance. im just getting so angry again. ive been trying to give us some time and distance.
    You can't get trust, it's developed in time; slowly, by focusing your view away from him and him alone, you can see a biger scope of things and he will just become one part of your life instead of what it sounds like now, which is a big one. Don't feel sad sweetheart; do you have a close family member near by? You can spend time with?

    Try not to expect truth from individuals; if you are truthful then leave it at that, things have a way of working themselves out. Another thing is, give yourself assignments or have someone close to you keep track of them, little goals to build on and soon you will be in a situation where you can look back and much time will have passed and you will have accomplished a lot of worthwhile things and still hopefull of this situation.

    You can always spend a little more time on the forum if anything; I'm a great track of activities and plans and I would be very happy to help you make it through this.
    Last edited by Beautiful sky; 04-24-2010 at 10:39 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Maritsa33 View Post
    You're talking about NF women here, the kind that work with situations and not you, who expects to have a certain caliber of person right off the bat. That's not humanly possible, people are not perfect.
    I think you are making decisions about my opinions when you don't know what my opinions are. What do I mean when I talk about "caliber of person" ?

    You don't know; I never told you or wrote about it. So any conclusions you've drawn are inherently flawed and unfounded.
    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

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    Haikus Beautiful sky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ryu View Post
    I think you are making decisions about my opinions when you don't know what my opinions are. What do I mean when I talk about "caliber of person" ?

    You don't know; I never told you or wrote about it. So any conclusions you've drawn are inherently flawed and unfounded.
    I think I have a good sense of the caliber of person you're looking for and yes you have written about it.

    Here I will pull it for you...

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    I agree with Maritsa that you should focus a little more on yourself an develop your own hobbies...that usually makes me focus less on the relationship and it's problems. There's no magic thing you can do about the trust issue but lemme tell you, nothing will make most men run faster than a woman who's constantly accusing their other half of doing things. Not to toot my own horn but my bf is abnormally attractive and has girls offer their number to him all the time...pisses me off, yeah, but I know for sure he'd never cheat on me so he can hang around them all he wants...trust is either there or it isn't.

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    Breaking stereotypes Suz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ryu View Post
    My recent experience with frat boys was like I went back to the cusp of middle school and high school. It was so juvenile. I can't imagine a woman trying to find a fulfilling relationship with one of those dudes. It was a sort of denial of not being outside of that period of one's life, and it was rather disturbing to me.
    sigh. . .if only more guys were like you. . .



    Quote Originally Posted by Ryu
    It's kind of sad, women seem to hope people will be what they want them to be, or after so much disappointment just start 'settling'. This is very detla/aristocratic perhaps, but, I know that only a certain caliber person can provide me with relational happiness - and that's basically how I advise other people as well.
    I have a hard time with the idea of "settling." Maybe that is why I am single for so long. But when i think of the possibility of settling I feel despair, nausea, and I want to cry. So the way I see it is, I'd rather be single than settle. Maybe that will change with time, who knows.

    The other problem is, I dont really know what I looking for. . .sigh. :frown:
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    Quote Originally Posted by Maritsa33 View Post
    Kind of but not really.

    Whatever I said in there shouldn't make EIIs or delta NFs in general feel like they don't have a chance.... it's probably more favorable of them than other types.
    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

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    Quote Originally Posted by WorkaholicsAnon View Post
    sigh. . .if only more guys were like you. . .
    I'd prefer it if other guys were less like that, yeah.

    I have a hard time with the idea of "settling." Maybe that is why I am single for so long. But when i think of the possibility of settling I feel despair, nausea, and I want to cry. So the way I see it is, I'd rather be single than settle. Maybe that will change with time, who knows.

    The other problem is, I dont really know what I looking for. . .sigh. :frown:
    I've come to terms with that myself. I may be tempted, especially if I find someone physically appealing, but in reality I know that I simply cannot 'settle', and I've tested it and tried it enough times to know that such is how it is: if I settle, I will not be happy, I will not be psychologically at ease; I would rather not be in a relationship than be in a poor or unfulfilled one.

    You hae to be reasonable about your expectations, of course, but, the reality seems to be that if you are really looking, the pool of people to choose from is low. So it's hard, but it's the only real choice - for me, anyway.


    Not knowing what you're looking for is also a problem - it makes the decision making process a lot easier. If someone is 'a good person' but just not going down the same life path as you are, then, it's relatively pointless to try for something serious.
    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

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    Breaking stereotypes Suz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ryu View Post
    Not knowing what you're looking for is also a problem - it makes the decision making process a lot easier. If someone is 'a good person' but just not going down the same life path as you are, then, it's relatively pointless to try for something serious.
    RYUUU!! We were of identical perspective on the issue until you touched on this. You're forgetting that my primary function is Ne!! I'm going to see potential in the relationship and try to make it work, no matter the obstacles. At least, that's how i've approached my feelings in the past. Unfortunately SLI is a complete 180o from this. For them it's not "relatively" pointless, it's COMPLETELY pointless! Maybe thats why they need IEE, who knows.
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    Quote Originally Posted by WorkaholicsAnon View Post
    RYUUU!! We were of identical perspective on the issue until you touched on this. You're forgetting that my primary function is Ne!! I'm going to see potential in the relationship and try to make it work, no matter the obstacles. At least, that's how i've approached my feelings in the past. Unfortunately SLI is a complete 180o from this. For them it's not "relatively" pointless, it's COMPLETELY pointless! Maybe thats why they need IEE, who knows.
    Just realize you might over-play your desire for things to have whatever potential you want; don't be too idealistic about people.

    You have to try to look into the core of who they are, yes, "their soul", to figure out whether or not they are really going to line up with what you want. Part of that is coming to terms, of course, with what you really need, and acknowledging that you yourself are not infinitely flexible. Go from there and be realistic about how other people line up with your non-negotiables.


    I'm hesitant to say that this stuff is "why someone needs their dual" or whatever. When you said "I wish more guys were like you", referring to me, that's not because I'm LSE, it's because I've developed a certain stance or opinion of relationships. I didn't always feel that way. And I know other LSEs who feel differently..... so I think this matter is essentially outside of socionics.

    -- which is why I advocated what I said earlier.
    I'm going to see potential in the relationship and try to make it work, no matter the obstacles.
    Sure, but, even you acknowledge that there are losers out there who aren't worth your time.

    Potential and possibilities and putting lots of effort into relationships is great, and yes, STs do need that from NFs sometimes, but that doesn't discount advice about being efficient in terms of expending energy on relationships. As your dual, delta STs are supposed to help you with that, yes, by being more conservative about such.
    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

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    I had words here once, but I didn't feed them Khola's Avatar
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    I feel for you, but I'm putting myself in the same situation with a guy at the moment as most people know on here.....so I'm probably too lovestruck to give you an appropriate response. Or at least a sensible one. Hugs.
    Hello, my name is Bee. Pleased to meet you .



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    I don't know what advice to give you, but this what my guru said.
    Moonlight will fall
    Winter will end
    Harvest will come
    Your heart will mend

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    Quote Originally Posted by munenori2 View Post
    I don't know what advice to give you, but this what my guru said.
    That was even weirder than I expected.



    LII-Ne

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    Quote Originally Posted by Khola View Post
    I feel for you, but I'm putting myself in the same situation with a guy at the moment as most people know on here.....so I'm probably too lovestruck to give you an appropriate response. Or at least a sensible one. Hugs.
    Oh jeeze - an SLI and/or frat boy, who's on this site?

    ehhh good luck....
    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

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    Breaking stereotypes Suz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ryu View Post
    Just realize you might over-play your desire for things to have whatever potential you want; don't be too idealistic about people.
    And you have just stated the root of my problem


    You have to try to look into the core of who they are, yes, "their soul", to figure out whether or not they are really going to line up with what you want. Part of that is coming to terms, of course, with what you really need, and acknowledging that you yourself are not infinitely flexible. Go from there and be realistic about how other people line up with your non-negotiables.
    That is really great advice for me. Thanks Ryu. It's sometimes hard though for my brain to convince my heart, once things are already rolling. . .But hearing that is a real comfort to me and really brings things in perspective. You're totally right.


    I'm hesitant to say that this stuff is "why someone needs their dual" or whatever. When you said "I wish more guys were like you", referring to me, that's not because I'm LSE, it's because I've developed a certain stance or opinion of relationships. I didn't always feel that way. And I know other LSEs who feel differently..... so I think this matter is essentially outside of socionics.
    Oh, no when I said that I meant you personally, not LSE's in general and my comment was not socionically motivated. It was simply a thought that I had and a compliment to your personal philosophy. Heck, there are probably tons of LSEs out there who are frat boys, i'll bet.
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    for what it's worth, I have now finally ended the thing w/ my now-ex-for-good SLI (also a former frat guy) who I caught buying a girl a drink and then stormed off leaving me in a not safe situation. I didn't want to believe it either, especially when you can see so much good in someone and feel such strong compatibility/bond. But the bad 20 percent is enough to ruin everything...just make sure your decision takes care of yourself most. This guy is quite old and still has the same college mentality, so they don't always out grow it, and not everyone can change for the better, despite what our Ne would have us believe....

    good luck I know it's hard and stressful to decide something like this.
    Hi! I'm an ENFP. :-)

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ryu View Post
    I think you are making decisions about my opinions when you don't know what my opinions are. What do I mean when I talk about "caliber of person" ?

    You don't know; I never told you or wrote about it. So any conclusions you've drawn are inherently flawed and unfounded.
    This is the caliber that you're looking for...

    "I said, she is smart, similar interests, physically appealing."
    Do you have more to add to this list?
    Somewhere you said similar direction, goals, etc.

    I am a lot simpler then you that's for sure, and similar interests is not even on my list; I prefer unsimilar interests so the two members of the relationship can add food to the relationship, but they have to enjoy and be willing to go along with the interests of the other party.
    Last edited by Beautiful sky; 04-26-2010 at 06:21 PM.

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    Breaking stereotypes Suz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jewels View Post
    for what it's worth, I have now finally ended the thing w/ my now-ex-for-good SLI (also a former frat guy) who I caught buying a girl a drink and then stormed off leaving me in a not safe situation. I didn't want to believe it either, especially when you can see so much good in someone and feel such strong compatibility/bond. But the bad 20 percent is enough to ruin everything...just make sure your decision takes care of yourself most. This guy is quite old and still has the same college mentality, so they don't always out grow it, and not everyone can change for the better, despite what our Ne would have us believe....

    good luck I know it's hard and stressful to decide something like this.
    Aww Jewels. . .I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I know the feeling all too well and i imagine it's so much worse when you're actually in a meaningful relationship with the guy (like you were, as opposed to me). It's uncanny how similar these guys are!! I just dont understand why. . . Why do they act like this??

    Anyway, I'm glad that you had the strength and good judgement to dump him.
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