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Thread: Companionship Debt

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    Darn Socks Director Abbie's Avatar
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    Default Companionship Debt

    I realized that I feel obligated to repay people who spend time with me, whether by giving them attention or items. Is this type-related?

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    Abbie is so boring and rigid it's awesome instead of boring and rigid. She seems so practical and down-to-the-ground.

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    Poster Nutbag The Exception's Avatar
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    Fi role comes to mind.
    LII-Ne with strong EII tendencies, 6w7-9w1-3w4 so/sp/sx, INxP



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    Haikus Beautiful sky's Avatar
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    Yes, me.
    It's in the context of establishing social bonds between people and strengthening the bonds through interaction; most often, the person doesn't have to do anything to Fi ego to get attention in return, this is true of EII, myself at least, but it would be greatly appreciated if they provided Si stuff, nevertheless, a great conversation, good food, relaxing atmosphere is appreciated.

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    Quote Originally Posted by warrior-librarian View Post
    Fi role comes to mind.
    Probably
    From what I understand, Fi as a third role plays out with the base sensing a need for relational accord, though lacks the skills of Fi to gauge the proximity and intentions of people until there is some sort of external acknowledgment (Fe), by the other person.
    So in the mean time they try not to cause any offense to the person(s) in question by making sure they're being amicable and receptive to the other persons feelings and needs
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    Hello...? somavision's Avatar
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    I'm at this party and I'm sitting next to this cat (an actual cat, not me being jive) and this girl crouches down next to it. So this girl, who's an SLI says to the cat; "Love me and I'll feed you"
    Seeing it written down, I think it could quite easily be mistaken for SLE's HA, but hearing the way the words were said and the soft giving affection in this womans voive, it was clear that providing material support was her way of expressing love, yet she needed to feel the others love, it needed to be reciprocated. As is the case with these Te types, she needed that love in return.

    I could've fallen in love with that girl that night and although sometimes I wonder, just as I wonder about so many other things, I'm glad that I walked away.

    Abbie, if I spend time with you, will you post me food?
    IEE-Ne

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    wants to be a writer. silverchris9's Avatar
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    lol. Def. no such obligation. It's really ego-centric, but if anything people should be glad that I gave up my time for them. I'm stingy about time. I mean, that's more for activities and work sort of stuff than just hanging out with people. But yeah.
    Not a rule, just a trend.

    IEI. Probably Fe subtype. Pretty sure I'm E4, sexual instinctual type, fairly confident that I'm a 3 wing now, so: IEI-Fe E4w3 sx/so. Considering 3w4 now, but pretty sure that 4 fits the best.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Director Abbie View Post
    I realized that I feel obligated to repay people who spend time with me, whether by giving them attention or items. Is this type-related?
    I would have to say, yes. I do that too. Thing is, it's often a self-defeating attempt. When we feel we're indebted, we become uncomfortable and that makes others uncomfortable. This ends up paying kindness with annoyance. Not good. So my opinion is such feelings of debt are usually best divested of by doing what we are good for, making profit for the other person. So I usually choose to give out gifts.
    First eliminate every possible source of error. Thence success is inevitable.

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    Quote Originally Posted by somavision View Post
    I'm at this party and I'm sitting next to this cat (an actual cat, not me being jive) and this girl crouches down next to it. So this girl, who's an SLI says to the cat; "Love me and I'll feed you"
    Seeing it written down, I think it could quite easily be mistaken for SLE's HA, but hearing the way the words were said and the soft giving affection in this womans voive, it was clear that providing material support was her way of expressing love, yet she needed to feel the others love, it needed to be reciprocated. As is the case with these Te types, she needed that love in return.

    I could've fallen in love with that girl that night and although sometimes I wonder, just as I wonder about so many other things, I'm glad that I walked away.

    Abbie, if I spend time with you, will you post me food?
    LOL, this was such a cute and funny post soma!

    Why are you glad you walked away?

    The thing with me and pets is, I'll love them and feed them right off the bat, but then feel sad if they dont reciprocate affection or if the only thing they want is food. And I lose faith in human-pet emotional bonds because then I see them as just eating machines who only care about food. :frown:

    But an SLI feeding me in exchange for love would be so nice
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    Quote Originally Posted by silverchris9 View Post
    lol. Def. no such obligation. It's really ego-centric, but if anything people should be glad that I gave up my time for them. I'm stingy about time. I mean, that's more for activities and work sort of stuff than just hanging out with people. But yeah.
    haha, I couldn't have said it better myself. Yup.
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    Quote Originally Posted by somavision View Post
    Abbie, if I spend time with you, will you post me food?
    Lol, sure.
    One of the things I like about little girls is that they're so easy to please when it comes to giving them trinkets.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ritella View Post
    Over here, we'll put up with (almost) all of your crap. You just have to use the secret phrase: "I don't value it. It's related to <insert random element here>, which is not in my quadra."
    Quote Originally Posted by Aquagraph View Post
    Abbie is so boring and rigid it's awesome instead of boring and rigid. She seems so practical and down-to-the-ground.

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    Snomunegot munenori2's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by somavision View Post
    I'm at this party and I'm sitting next to this cat (an actual cat, not me being jive) and this girl crouches down next to it. So this girl, who's an SLI says to the cat; "Love me and I'll feed you"
    Seeing it written down, I think it could quite easily be mistaken for SLE's HA, but hearing the way the words were said and the soft giving affection in this womans voive, it was clear that providing material support was her way of expressing love, yet she needed to feel the others love, it needed to be reciprocated. As is the case with these Te types, she needed that love in return.

    I could've fallen in love with that girl that night and although sometimes I wonder, just as I wonder about so many other things, I'm glad that I walked away.

    Abbie, if I spend time with you, will you post me food?
    All around awesome post, bro.
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    Quote Originally Posted by WorkaholicsAnon View Post
    LOL, this was such a cute and funny post soma!

    Why are you glad you walked away?

    The thing with me and pets is, I'll love them and feed them right off the bat, but then feel sad if they dont reciprocate affection or if the only thing they want is food. And I lose faith in human-pet emotional bonds because then I see them as just eating machines who only care about food. :frown:

    But an SLI feeding me in exchange for love would be so nice
    I'm sorry about that, cats are fickle, but some still seem to like some people and not like others, same with dogs I think. There are alot of cats in my neighbourhood, lots are just really friendly, some not so much. I think there can be real bonds. Maybe with other animals it's not the same, I don't know really.

    I'm glad I walked away because I'm with someone else and although my life's very much up in the air right now in many, I'm happy, which I have'nt been genuinely able to say without conditions and provisos in a very long time.

    Quote Originally Posted by munenori2 View Post
    All around awesome post, bro.
    cheers
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    Hello...? somavision's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Director Abbie View Post
    Lol, sure.
    One of the things I like about little girls is that they're so easy to please when it comes to giving them trinkets.
    Are you implying that I am a little girl?
    IEE-Ne

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    Quote Originally Posted by Director Abbie View Post
    I realized that I feel obligated to repay people who spend time with me, whether by giving them attention or items. Is this type-related?
    Quote Originally Posted by Smilingeyes View Post
    I would have to say, yes. I do that too. Thing is, it's often a self-defeating attempt. When we feel we're indebted, we become uncomfortable and that makes others uncomfortable. This ends up paying kindness with annoyance. Not good. So my opinion is such feelings of debt are usually best divested of by doing what we are good for, making profit for the other person. So I usually choose to give out gifts.
    I don't feel the need to repay people who spend time with me. It sounds as if it was done out of obligation... (I find LSEs very lovable when they frustrate about this kind of thing, hehe). Maybe you guys look at relationships (general) as something where there is some kind of exchange, with needs that have to be met, specific things required, etc. If I spend time with someone it was because I felt like spending time with someone, and not because I'm fulfilling some sort of requirement, and expect something in return (to me this is a gross concept). If it comes to that, then it's forced, and it's not really "heartfelt."

    I've noticed the OP with ESFjs as well... It's this need to reciprocate without there being a need to, and finding it hard to believe when some people don't expect things to be done to them in return, or don't need constant "bond reinforcement." I end up just receiving stuff from them in order to help their peace of mind, rather than actually requiring the reciprocation. It's annoying when done excessively ("chill out!!"), but still mostly loveable, haha.

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    Darn Socks Director Abbie's Avatar
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    ...so it's related to being a caregiver. okay.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ritella View Post
    Over here, we'll put up with (almost) all of your crap. You just have to use the secret phrase: "I don't value it. It's related to <insert random element here>, which is not in my quadra."
    Quote Originally Posted by Aquagraph View Post
    Abbie is so boring and rigid it's awesome instead of boring and rigid. She seems so practical and down-to-the-ground.

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    Quote Originally Posted by somavision View Post
    I'm glad I walked away because I'm with someone else and although my life's very much up in the air right now in many, I'm happy, which I have'nt been genuinely able to say without conditions and provisos in a very long time.
    I'm glad you've found happiness
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lobo View Post
    I don't feel the need to repay people who spend time with me. It sounds as if it was done out of obligation... (I find LSEs very lovable when they frustrate about this kind of thing, hehe). Maybe you guys look at relationships (general) as something where there is some kind of exchange, with needs that have to be met, specific things required, etc. If I spend time with someone it was because I felt like spending time with someone, and not because I'm fulfilling some sort of requirement, and expect something in return (to me this is a gross concept). If it comes to that, then it's forced, and it's not really "heartfelt."

    I've noticed the OP with ESFjs as well... It's this need to reciprocate without there being a need to, and finding it hard to believe when some people don't expect things to be done to them in return, or don't need constant "bond reinforcement." I end up just receiving stuff from them in order to help their peace of mind, rather than actually requiring the reciprocation. It's annoying when done excessively ("chill out!!"), but still mostly loveable, haha.
    Mmyeah. INFjs are sort of an exception. I prefer to just confront them with the debt issue and watch them laugh/giggle/smile inside at it and consider the debt repaid. One of the things I like about them.

    I wonder about ESFjs though. Some of them just take any opportunity to do things for people. Claiming it's repaying a debt is just one version of explaining it out.

    Anyway, thanks for being the way you are. Always makes my life better to read your posts.
    First eliminate every possible source of error. Thence success is inevitable.

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    Hello...? somavision's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marie84 View Post
    I'm glad you've found happiness
    thanks
    IEE-Ne

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    Quote Originally Posted by Smilingeyes View Post
    Mmyeah. INFjs are sort of an exception. I prefer to just confront them with the debt issue and watch them laugh/giggle/smile inside at it and consider the debt repaid. One of the things I like about them.

    I wonder about ESFjs though. Some of them just take any opportunity to do things for people. Claiming it's repaying a debt is just one version of explaining it out.

    Anyway, thanks for being the way you are. Always makes my life better to read your posts.
    Hehe, damn you LSEs and your Fi seeking!! . On a side note, I know at least one LSE who is quite the secret admirer... They don't come out with it because they think that the person will be creeped out at the amount of information they have obtained about them already, through amazing means. It's like they can't help but find out more about someone they are interested in. It must be tough to have this urge to get to know somebody, and yet deal with the worries of potentially screwing it up with said person if they find out of the developed obsession. However, in just the right situation and progression of events, and also with a compatible dual, they will not have to deal with controlling themselves anymore about this, and I bet that it produces a good rush , especially when the person finds it very flattering to get so much attention.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lobo
    On a side note, I know at least one LSE who is quite the secret admirer... They don't come out with it because they think that the person will be creeped out at the amount of information they have obtained about them already, through amazing means. It's like they can't help but find out more about someone they are interested in. It must be tough to have this urge to get to know somebody, and yet deal with the worries of potentially screwing it up with said person if they find out of the developed obsession. However, in just the right situation and progression of events, and also with a compatible dual, they will not have to deal with controlling themselves anymore about this, and I bet that it produces a good rush , especially when the person finds it very flattering to get so much attention.
    Well put. We're all stalkers really.
    First eliminate every possible source of error. Thence success is inevitable.

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