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Thread: Marrying late in life (or not at all) and socionics types

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    Default Marrying late in life (or not at all) and socionics types

    Which types do you think are most likely to marry late in life or skip it altogether?

    My guess is NT types are somewhat later than average, even more so if introverted, and even even more so if LII. I think being a rational type, LII is more set in their ways and less likely to make the compromises necessary for marriage. But that's just a hypothesis.

    Using myself as an example, I'm 31 and still single. And I don't anticipate that changing anytime in the near future. I'm not in a relationship with anyone right now. It's been a few years since I've dated anybody and I've only dated a handful of people my whole life. None of the relationships lasted more than a few months. Part of it was my own undoing- breaking off relationships because I felt anxious about the whole relationship thing and not ready to commit. And fear of being hurt in the future. A couple of these relationships had potential to be a lot more but fizzled out.

    The average age for marriage in the United States is something like 26 for women and 28 for men. So I'm already much later than the average.

    Also, about 90-95% will marry sometime in their life. What I'm interested in is what distinguishes those who never tie the knot from those who do.
    LII-Ne with strong EII tendencies, 6w7-9w1-3w4 so/sp/sx, INxP



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    I know the city/part of the country you're in plays a big part. In NYC people put it off until much later, and I see a lot of guys only starting to settle down around 35 or 36. For girls, maybe around 28-32.

    But as for types, I don't if it's related, but I imagine "P" types would be more likely to wait, since we don't like to commit to plans for next Wednesday, much less the rest of life, unless it's very certain it's something that will never go bad. Like hostess cupcakes. I can commit to eating hostess cupcakes for the rest of my life. I'm ok with that. But if it's something like deli meat, that one day is tasty, and the next perhaps spoiled and they're still selling it, well, no, I'm just not going to make a gamble on that.

    So yeah, I'd say ISTps and ENFps would be near the top of the list. I think most J types would prefer to have things decided and planned, which would include relationships.

    But really, who knows.
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    I know the city/part of the country you're in plays a big part. In NYC people put it off until much later, and I see a lot of guys only starting to settle down around 35 or 36. For girls, maybe around 28-32.

    --> I had a cousin who married at 20. Her husband at the time was 21. Everyone said they were too young but they've been happily married for 6 years now. She comes from a small town in the midwest and there, it's very common to marry shortly after high school. The educational attainment also isn't as high there compared to where I live, and many bypass college and higher education in favor of getting married and starting families.

    But as for types, I don't if it's related, but I imagine "P" types would be more likely to wait, since we don't like to commit to plans for next Wednesday, much less the rest of life, unless it's very certain it's something that will never go bad. Like hostess cupcakes. I can commit to eating hostess cupcakes for the rest of my life. I'm ok with that. But if it's something like deli meat, that one day is tasty, and the next perhaps spoiled and they're still selling it, well, no, I'm just not going to make a gamble on that.

    --> Well I'm a rational type but I relate very much to what you say here. I'm a perfectionist in the relationship department and I want everything to work out exactly the way I have it planned in my mind. Which I know is unrealistic. I agree that an irrational type might be less willing commit but would have an easier time adapting to major lifestyle changes such as marriage.

    I'm ambivalent about the whole marriage thing. Which I guess is a step up from the "I'm never going to get married and don't see what all the fuss is about" philosophy I had just a couple years ago. Now its something I'm willing to consider, if I meet that special someone. Still not absolutely sure I want to do it though, even with Mr. right.

    I enjoy my freedom and independence too much at times. I've lived alone since my sophomore year in college and I've gotten so accustomed to it, that it would be a major shock to live with someone again.

    I'd like to have children someday but have to get married first. Well, theoretically I don't have to but I wouldn't feel right having children without being married first. But my biological clock is already ticking. Once a woman reaches 30, fertility declines and the risk of having a child with birth defects increases. Its depressing to think about. Life is passing me by.

    I think deep down I would like to be married. The hard truth is, I'm hypersensitive to potential rejection and heartbreak. And I'm kind of set in my ways and don't like to compromise on certain things. It's the combination of these factors, which has kept me single and seriously limited my relationship experience.

    Dating is very stressful. I feel like I'm putting on a show for someone and can't really be totally myself. I'm especially terrified of speed dating where you only talk to someone a few minutes before going on to the next person. In a couple of minutes a decision is made whether or not you want to pursue that person further. Seems like decisions are made on superficial factors, and they probably are because how deeply can you know someone in just a few minutes? Its also disadvantageous for introverted people like myself who need at least a few minutes just to get warmed up and comfortable with the other person.

    Like I said before, I enjoy my independence and freedom and worry that a large part of it would be comprimised if I got married, or even if I just got in a close relationship.

    I worry about financial factors. I'm very financially cautious and always make sure there's enough money in the bank before making a major purchase. But would my partner be like this?

    I'm also pretty neat and organized and would like my partner to be too. I don't want to spend a bunch of time cleaning up after someone.

    Then there's sleeping in the same bed as someone else. I need alot of space and tend to sprawl my body across the bed, occupying every corner. I also need total silence when sleeping and cannot sleep if someone is snoring or has the TV on.

    There are other things too:

    Living alone, I'm used to doing things and not having to consult anybody. I can watch what I want on TV when I want to watch it. I always have control of the remote. I can listen to the weird music I like and not have anyone complain about it. No one will criticize my taste in decor. I don't decorate much anyway, but I still like the freedom of choosing what to hang up on the walls and where. I can purchase what I want to purchase when I want to purchase it and not have to worry about coming to an agreement. If I want to relocate, I can just go ahead and do it. If I want to stay put, I can do that too. No pressure from anyone. My time is truly my own. I don't have someone telling me to get off the computer and pressuring me into spending more time with the other. I know that if I get I married, I will have to make alot of sacrifices in these areas that I'm not so sure I want to make. But I'm scared of growing old alone, without a solid support system. I do crave closeness with someone, and would love to have someone to share my interests and passions with. And someone who'll give me emotional support during tough times and will support me through thick and thin.

    Maybe I'm just being too fussy and overthinking the whole thing. Maybe I should just go ahead and jump into it like alot of other people seem to do.
    But half of all marriages end in divorce and I don't want to become another statistic.

    I also fear being hurt and that the relationship won't work over the long term. I can be hestitant to commit, but once committed I'll try very hard to make it work. I sometimes find it hard to feel like I can totally be myself in the presence of another person, which I know holds me back from alot of relationships, including friendships. I'm worry too much about rejection and being ridiculed by the other. It's something about myself I got to work on. This last paragraph doesn't sound very LII-like. Most LIIs, I think, don't care nearly as much what someone else thinks of them. There is possibililty I could be some other type, like EII. I'll explain more in another post.
    LII-Ne with strong EII tendencies, 6w7-9w1-3w4 so/sp/sx, INxP



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    Quote Originally Posted by jewels View Post
    I know the city/part of the country you're in plays a big part. In NYC people put it off until much later, and I see a lot of guys only starting to settle down around 35 or 36. For girls, maybe around 28-32.

    But as for types, I don't if it's related, but I imagine "P" types would be more likely to wait, since we don't like to commit to plans for next Wednesday, much less the rest of life, unless it's very certain it's something that will never go bad. Like hostess cupcakes. I can commit to eating hostess cupcakes for the rest of my life. I'm ok with that. But if it's something like deli meat, that one day is tasty, and the next perhaps spoiled and they're still selling it, well, no, I'm just not going to make a gamble on that.

    So yeah, I'd say ISTps and ENFps would be near the top of the list. I think most J types would prefer to have things decided and planned, which would include relationships.

    But really, who knows.
    You're right I think about the ENFp/ISTp being the latest, if at all, I think. I know some ENFps and an ISTp, and they all seem fine with going solo.

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    Quote Originally Posted by warrior-librarian View Post
    Which types do you think are most likely to marry late in life or skip it altogether?

    My guess is NT types are somewhat later than average, even more so if introverted, and even even more so if LII. I think being a rational type, LII is more set in their ways and less likely to make the compromises necessary for marriage. But that's just a hypothesis.

    Using myself as an example, I'm 31 and still single. And I don't anticipate that changing anytime in the near future. I'm not in a relationship with anyone right now. It's been a few years since I've dated anybody and I've only dated a handful of people my whole life. None of the relationships lasted more than a few months. Part of it was my own undoing- breaking off relationships because I felt anxious about the whole relationship thing and not ready to commit. And fear of being hurt in the future. A couple of these relationships had potential to be a lot more but fizzled out.

    The average age for marriage in the United States is something like 26 for women and 28 for men. So I'm already much later than the average.

    Also, about 90-95% will marry sometime in their life. What I'm interested in is what distinguishes those who never tie the knot from those who do.
    you are saying the same things here as my LII brother, who is now 42. he would date, but never would get it to last more than 6 months. he lived in washington dc and felt that women there were excessively career oriented and didnt' think they would make good wives.

    between the ages of 38-40, he started to develop a whole ideology about this country, women, relationships, and what he needed. in 2007, after careful planning and having viisted there a few times, he chucked his cubicle job with the government, sold all his stuff, rented out his condo, and moved ot costa rica. i believe this was a search for Fe, since he wasn't finding any in DC.

    a year later he met a costa rican ESE. they got engaged and are getting married later this year. i think they may move back here briefly so he can work ... this way they can get up enough money to buy a house outright in costa rica.

    LII is concerned with a much wider picture that usually includes geography. their requirements for marriage and sincerity are high and they want what they want. my brother went thorugh life Fe deprived and had to go to a country where the entire culture values Fe in order to become healthy again. if you had seen him imploding before he left, you would agree with me.

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    ILE - ENTp 1981slater's Avatar
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    heh I may end up being one of those too.

    Yeah, all my friends back in the midwest are married. Some of them got married very early, but I think a lot of them are with their duals. If you're with the right kind of person, does it matter what age you get married? I think sometimes it's easier to end up with your dual when you're younger because you have a closer social circle. It's easier to spend a lot of time around them and get to know them as a friend. There's no pressure there. You're not torn away by work, or moving somewhere, etc etc.
    IEE

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    Quote Originally Posted by 1981slater View Post
    lol that's awesome.

    Eh I'll worry about marriage later.
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    My ESI ex-boyfriend just got engaged for the first time this year at the age of 40. He always told me he knew he didn't want to get married to anyone until he was older (we dated when we were like 19) and he knew he never wanted kids. (deal breaker for me) Anyway, my IEI brother and SLE sister-in-law met when they were just 16 and 17 in high school and have been together happily every since (married now for 14 years). I think it really just depends on who you meet and if you're dualized at home such that you recognize your dual when you're dating, etc. There's a whole host of factors that can come into play.

    I think the key is to accept yourself and learn to love who you are without "needing" anyone to make you complete. Just be open to meeting people and if you're a happy person, people will be drawn to you automatically and the right person may come along sooner than you think. But worry, fear and holding yourself back won't do you any good. Just my two cents!
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    Yes, LII do tend to marry very late in life 40's to 50's; that's a very good observation.

    I think age doesn't matter in marriage, it's happiness and love, the right fit/match.

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    Quote Originally Posted by matilda View Post
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    Do you really think I could be ILE? Pinocchio suggested that too. I don't think it's a half-bad suggestion, and I've pondered that myself. There's a of bit of the ILE profile I relate to but ultimately I end up rejecting that as a possibility. I don't think I'm EP temperament. Creative, EP subtype, maybe. I'm way more introverted than extroverted.
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    Quote Originally Posted by 1981slater View Post
    LOL! Perfect except I'm female.
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    Hmmm, I dunno. The things you write remind me a lot of an LII female I know. She's also 5w6. Has anyone VId you?
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    This thread reminds me of my LII bro. I kind of think he would make a great dad someday, but unless an ESE swoops in...

    I myself am probably more set up to get married a little later, though if I turn 30 and things are still looking bleak, I may start to out a bit.
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    though if I turn 30 and things are still looking bleak, I may start to out a bit.
    HEY!! I'm 30!!
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    Ruh roh
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    Quote Originally Posted by munenori2 View Post
    Ruh roh
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    yeah, but wow marrying really young seems like an awful idea.
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    Quote Originally Posted by heath View Post
    yeah, but wow marrying really young seems like an awful idea.
    yeah in general, it is. With some exceptions. All of the married-young-and-very-happy couples I know are duals. My grandparents were duals (ESE/LII) and they were married when my grandma was 18 or 19. Very happy their whole lives until my grandpa died at age 92. Also, my brother and sister in law (IEI/SLE) have been together since they were 16/17 and married since they were 21/22. Very happily now for 14 years.
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    I married at 28.

    Tons of my friends are getting divorced lately. Many of them were highschool sweethearts who got married young. It's like they hit 40 and start wondering if they made the right choice. I think maybe it's easier if you've seen and experienced some other potential choices to be content with the choice you did make.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mariella View Post
    I married at 28.

    Tons of my friends are getting divorced lately. Many of them were highschool sweethearts who got married young. It's like they hit 40 and start wondering if they made the right choice. I think maybe it's easier if you've seen and experienced some other potential choices to be content with the choice you did make.
    yeah I agree with this too.
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    Quote Originally Posted by warrior-librarian View Post
    Which types do you think are most likely to marry late in life or skip it altogether?

    My guess is NT types are somewhat later than average, even more so if introverted, and even even more so if LII. I think being a rational type, LII is more set in their ways and less likely to make the compromises necessary for marriage. But that's just a hypothesis.

    Using myself as an example, I'm 31 and still single. And I don't anticipate that changing anytime in the near future. I'm not in a relationship with anyone right now. It's been a few years since I've dated anybody and I've only dated a handful of people my whole life. None of the relationships lasted more than a few months. Part of it was my own undoing- breaking off relationships because I felt anxious about the whole relationship thing and not ready to commit. And fear of being hurt in the future. A couple of these relationships had potential to be a lot more but fizzled out.

    The average age for marriage in the United States is something like 26 for women and 28 for men. So I'm already much later than the average.

    Also, about 90-95% will marry sometime in their life. What I'm interested in is what distinguishes those who never tie the knot from those who do.
    That basically sums me up pretty well. 31, single, no current prospects, a few heavy love interests in the past, none actually materialized into a relationship. Went on a few dates with interested suitors, but was not interested in them. Had several guys interested in me that I had to change the way I acted (e.g. become more aloof and maybe even a little mean) so they WOULDN't ask me out (because it would be a lot harder for me to say no). I think some factors involved for me are:

    --very selective about who I like that way, but without set criteria. I really dont like to date people I dont feel that "magic" with. It's a problem because I have to already be somewhat emotionally invested in order to not be hesitant about going on a date. I am about to change that about myself (but reluctantly so).

    --some fear of relationship and commitment, specifically in terms of possibly interfering with my independent, whimsical lifestyle. And my "me" time. I like my "me time"

    --at the same time, longing for a man to be my other half and best friend in life (but again, being very selective about who I would want to call that).

    --some fear of ending up with a bad abusive person (this may stem from me being raised by a mom who went through that herself).

    --being extremely busy with school/training up until recently. And it's funny even being out, I still manage to make myself really busy with things. I suppose i do have more time flexibility now, which is really important for an IEE like myself.

    I do think some of those aspects might be type related for me. specifically the independence and the selectivity in my case. I do hope to meet someone soon where the interest is mutual, because I do want to get married ultimately (happily though). I dont want to settle for just a relationship with whomever. I think i'd rather be single than do that. Who knows, that may change with time.
    Last edited by Suz; 04-08-2010 at 09:22 PM.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Eldanen View Post
    You're right I think about the ENFp/ISTp being the latest, if at all, I think. I know some ENFps and an ISTp, and they all seem fine with going solo.
    Hmm, that explains it then. . .
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    Quote Originally Posted by tiny_dancer View Post
    HEY!! I'm 30!!
    YEAH GIRL!! :high five:
    30 is the new 20, i say. . .
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    Quote Originally Posted by redbaron View Post
    yeah in general, it is. With some exceptions. All of the married-young-and-very-happy couples I know are duals. My grandparents were duals (ESE/LII) and they were married when my grandma was 18 or 19. Very happy their whole lives until my grandpa died at age 92. Also, my brother and sister in law (IEI/SLE) have been together since they were 16/17 and married since they were 21/22. Very happily now for 14 years.
    My mom (ESE) married at 20, my dad (SLI) at 22. They've been married for 32 years now. Its a supervision relationship and I honestly think both are stuck in a rut right now. It's not a particularly happy marriage but its not a particularly awful one either. They'll probably stick it out until one of them dies.
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    Oh, i'd like to put in a comment re: 30-somethings and fertility.

    Of course there is a genetic component to the biological clock as well as individual variation, but there are MANY MANY 30-something and even 40-something year old women giving birth to normal babies out there. Even those who started having babies in their 20s. I'm sure many of your mothers had a significant portion of you out there, in their 30s. The 30s are the prime child-bearing years, especially in the era where more women are getting highly educated and becoming professionals with bustling careers.

    On the other hand, if you think younger women are exempt from having downs babies or babies without birth defects, you're deluding yourself.
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    Quote Originally Posted by munenori2 View Post
    This thread reminds me of my LII bro. I kind of think he would make a great dad someday, but unless an ESE swoops in...

    I myself am probably more set up to get married a little later, though if I turn 30 and things are still looking bleak, I may start to out a bit.

    people do start feeling pressure around age 30. for females it's having children. you figure, ok well i want to be married a little while with no kids, then start having some kids, and i really don't want to be too old when i have kids, ergo, 30 is the magic age of marriage anxiety. lol.

    i got married at 30. had plenty of time to party and situate. didn't really make a difference.

    Tons of my friends are getting divorced lately. Many of them were highschool sweethearts who got married young. It's like they hit 40 and start wondering if they made the right choice. I think maybe it's easier if you've seen and experienced some other potential choices to be content with the choice you did make.
    i have noticed that 40 is the magic age of rebellion and marital switching up. coincides with mid life crisis, too. people get divorced and buy sports cars, start gambling and losing jobs, it's quite a scene. only the strong survive, for sure. mariella, what types of divorce situations have you seen with people you know?

    ILE

    those who are easily shocked.....should be shocked more often

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    Let's see

    One is a guy who works with young nurses and has aged very well and wants to date the young nurses.

    The two before that were both women who no longer felt "fulfilled" in their marriages. (Fulfilled is their word.) One's husband had recently lost his job, and she had meanwhile run into an ex-boyfriend who was doing well financially. The other said she and her husband didn't communicate well and have different values (different religions for one thing.)

    In one, the wife got pregnant, and the husband said he didn't want another baby and if she didn't get a abortion, he'd leave. And she didn't get an abortion and he left.

    One I just heard about yesterday but I don't know all the details. She just said "he left recently" and started crying. It wasn't a time for asking questions so I just said comforting words and offered to help by watching kids/hanging out/whatever. He was really attractive and was a doctor, so I'm suspecting the "pretty young nurses" thing again, though she is in great shape and looks wonderful - but wonderful for a 40-year-old. It isn't fair that our society likes how men age better than how women age.

    And then there are two people who were both married but were both unhappy and met each other and fell in love and broke up with their spouses to be with each other.
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    Quote Originally Posted by WorkaholicsAnon View Post
    Oh, i'd like to put in a comment re: 30-somethings and fertility.

    Of course there is a genetic component to the biological clock as well as individual variation, but there are MANY MANY 30-something and even 40-something year old women giving birth to normal babies out there. Even those who started having babies in their 20s. I'm sure many of your mothers had a significant portion of you out there, in their 30s. The 30s are the prime child-bearing years, especially in the era where more women are getting highly educated and becoming professionals with bustling careers.

    On the other hand, if you think younger women are exempt from having downs babies or babies without birth defects, you're deluding yourself.

    I had my first baby at 32 and my second at 39. No problems with fertility or the pregnancies.
    It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mariella View Post
    Let's see

    One is a guy who works with young nurses and has aged very well and wants to date the young nurses.

    The two before that were both women who no longer felt "fulfilled" in their marriages. (Fulfilled is their word.) One's husband had recently lost his job, and she had meanwhile run into an ex-boyfriend who was doing well financially. The other said she and her husband didn't communicate well and have different values (different religions for one thing.)

    In one, the wife got pregnant, and the husband said he didn't want another baby and if she didn't get a abortion, he'd leave. And she didn't get an abortion and he left.

    One I just heard about yesterday but I don't know all the details. She just said "he left recently" and started crying. It wasn't a time for asking questions so I just said comforting words and offered to help by watching kids/hanging out/whatever. He was really attractive and was a doctor, so I'm suspecting the "pretty young nurses" thing again, though she is in great shape and looks wonderful - but wonderful for a 40-year-old. It isn't fair that our society likes how men age better than how women age.

    And then there are two people who were both married but were both unhappy and met each other and fell in love and broke up with their spouses to be with each other.
    THOSE DARNED YOUNG NURSES!!

    Lost my dual to one of them. . .
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mariella View Post
    I had my first baby at 32 and my second at 39. No problems with fertility or the pregnancies.
    ZACTLY!

    My mom had me when she was 38. Now while i can't necessarily be called normal, i dont have any birth defects. Neither does my twin sister. And she didn't go into menopause until her early 50s.

    EDIT: I meant my mother in my menopause sentence, not my sister, we're only 31!
    Last edited by Suz; 04-10-2010 at 10:52 PM.
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    Quote Originally Posted by WorkaholicsAnon View Post
    My mom had me when she was 38. Now while i can't necessarily be called normal, i dont have any birth defects. Neither does my twin sister. And she didn't go into menopause until her early 50s.
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    Quote Originally Posted by warrior-librarian View Post
    (really long post above)
    Funny how a "dual" could see things practically the same way as I do...lol.

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    I see alpha NTs basically coming up with a legitimate reason as to why not to marry, along with their lack of Fi valuing. Beta STs at least want to be somewhat more realistic. I'm just saying from a few experiences, not all.

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    Quote Originally Posted by cracka View Post
    Funny how a "dual" could see things practically the same way as I do...lol.
    that's how it works, cracka! cool, eh?
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    One would think I'd have actually learned something like that in 4 years of being here...haha
    I guess I've never seen something as apparent as this.

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    My parents married after only dating for 6 months (my mom was also pregnant though). She was 30, he was 28 (Beta, I think).

    My sister 22, was married five months ago to her highschool sweetheart, she was really into partying until she became pregnant. She's married to her dual (Delta), I think, and they've been together for 7 years (off and on).

    I've always thought that I'd never marry...just be single. Buuuut, I want a family suddenly. Within the next five years. I'm not rushing it, but, I can't help it. I want a lil baby.

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    The sucky thing about going to a private christian school is that everyone is getting married left and right. i know 4 or 5 different couples getting married this summer. now me, i dont really want to get married right now but it can be difficult when everyone else is.
    “No psychologist should pretend to understand what he does not understand... Only fools and charlatans know everything and understand nothing.” -Anton Chekhov

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mariella View Post
    Let's see

    One is a guy who works with young nurses and has aged very well and wants to date the young nurses.

    The two before that were both women who no longer felt "fulfilled" in their marriages. (Fulfilled is their word.) One's husband had recently lost his job, and she had meanwhile run into an ex-boyfriend who was doing well financially. The other said she and her husband didn't communicate well and have different values (different religions for one thing.)

    In one, the wife got pregnant, and the husband said he didn't want another baby and if she didn't get a abortion, he'd leave. And she didn't get an abortion and he left.

    One I just heard about yesterday but I don't know all the details. She just said "he left recently" and started crying. It wasn't a time for asking questions so I just said comforting words and offered to help by watching kids/hanging out/whatever. He was really attractive and was a doctor, so I'm suspecting the "pretty young nurses" thing again, though she is in great shape and looks wonderful - but wonderful for a 40-year-old. It isn't fair that our society likes how men age better than how women age.

    And then there are two people who were both married but were both unhappy and met each other and fell in love and broke up with their spouses to be with each other.
    good examples. and startling how when couples break up it kind of affects everybody including their friends. for myself, i've heard a couple of "stories" a few times: one person has an affair and hides it from the other, one person grows silently resentful of the other for unmet expectations and springs a divorce on the other, somebody gets so sick and so unmanageable that the other person can't handle it and leaves, a couple adopts a child who develops disabilities, the marriage dissolves. one partner is so demanding and narcissistic the other can't handle it and leaves. the 30 year old marriage that started in high school and is just done. the list goes on.

    so LIIbrarian, you are correct in contemplating a marital course of action quite seriously. for some reason i know a large number of LII's. i have at least 3 LII female friends and i know 3 LII men pretty well.

    two of the female LII's married SLE's. one got very badly screwed, since the guy turned out to be a con artist. she divorced him, got full custody of their daughters, but he doesn't pay any child support. she makes a lot of money though so i don't think she cares. she has a boyfriend now, but they live separately, but they get along really great. the second one got sick of something or other that the SLE did, divorced him, met an SLI she had known in HS and married again. they seem happy. the third one had been married to either an SEI or an IEI, she grew exasperated with his laziness and lack of progress with work or some such, and divorced him. she is single with 2 boys, one of whom developed Crone's disease, which she manages. this LII is exceptionally organized and efficient.

    OK so here's the men, there are 3 of them. the first married an IEI and they stayed married for about 23 years and raised two girls. the IEI learned of a brief affair he had, couldn't accept it, and divorced him. their kids are grown. now he's found either an ESE or an SEI girlfriend and is living with her. tough to say what type she is since i only can look at her facebook, i've never met her. the second male LII had a first marriage that he left for my friend, an ILE. they lived together for 7 years and had a daughter. he left the ILE for a woman whose type i don't know. all i know is that she's a journalist, a high powered type. the ILE in this relationship got a lot out of it, got her master's and i think the child support payment is really high since he makes a lot of money. so she's styling even though she was really hurt by him leaving her. the third LII is my brother, who held out for ESE, who i already posted about.

    i'm sure there are many many LII marriages that work out with no problem at all, but you tend to hear more details about marriages that end than marriages that work. so take it with a grain of salt i suppose. i know of a marriage that is about to begin between an ESE female and an LII male. the male has been divorced, the female has been single. they've worked through a lof of crap related to his previous relationships and he has a son from his ex. another couple i know of is an ESE male and an LII female. they've been married for about 20 years. the male is an exboyfriend of mine. i don't hear much detail about them other than that there doesn't seem to be any problem.

    on the basis of this limited information, i suppose you could conclude that duality seems best. the newer marriages, we don't know about these yet, though. the other thing that i know is that with second marriages/relationships, people work harder at them, put up with a lot less shit, state their expectations clearly, and don't avoid problems or conflict. from this i gather that if you stick with this kind of process in the first marriage, it probably has a better chance of working out.

    i imagine the biggest problem that an LII female would have would be finding her dual. the older you get, the fewer good people are left. there are a few types that get grabbed quickly and these are ESE, SEI, and IEI. so, in a sense, the longer you wait, the less likely your chances are of finding one. esp ESE men and SEI men....they are easy for almost anyone to get along with, therefore they get married quickly.

    i guess i will be the minority report here and encourage you to actively look for your dual. if you wait till mid life, the scene has changed so radically....your choices are much less desireable and you will be forced to compromise on things you never imagined.

    of course, my advice is based on the assumption that you want to be married or in a relationship.

    ILE

    those who are easily shocked.....should be shocked more often

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