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Thread: Socializing and pointless small talk

  1. #1
    Creepy-Cyclops

    Default Socializing and pointless small talk

    How do you guys feel about this?

    I'm OK doing it with my close friends, sometimes can even be pretty outgoing.

    When it comes to work, it amazes me how much inane rubbish people talk, to me, completely pointless small talk.

    My attitude is that i've nothing in common with these people - and no one actually has anything in common with each other, we're just a bunch of people thrown together with the intention of earning a living.

    Anyway, for some reason other people seem to engage in small talk more than me, and it makes me wonder if they actually find it useful. I've no interest in talking pointless small talk, and am quite happy just to say good morning, and go through my day and go home and get on with my actual LIFE.

    So, i'm wondering how you guys feel about this sort of thing? It occurs to me that lack of interest in inane group socialising such as at work, is related to Fe PoLR.

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    What does your actual life entail, exactly?
    INTp

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    without the nose Cyrano's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cyclops View Post
    How do you guys feel about this?

    I'm OK doing it with my close friends, sometimes can even be pretty outgoing.

    When it comes to work, it amazes me how much inane rubbish people talk, to me, completely pointless small talk.

    My attitude is that i've nothing in common with these people - and no one actually has anything in common with each other, we're just a bunch of people thrown together with the intention of earning a living.

    Anyway, for some reason other people seem to engage in small talk more than me, and it makes me wonder if they actually find it useful. I've no interest in talking pointless small talk, and am quite happy just to say good morning, and go through my day and go home and get on with my actual LIFE.

    So, i'm wondering how you guys feel about this sort of thing? It occurs to me that lack of interest in inane group socialising such as at work, is related to Fe PoLR.

    I see your point, but you spend almost as many waking hours with them as you do with family. Your work IS your life, at least a big part of it. If your conversations are superficial you need to go deeper, not shut them out.

    (How's that for advice from an SLI?)
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    Breaking stereotypes Suz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cyclops View Post
    How do you guys feel about this?

    I'm OK doing it with my close friends, sometimes can even be pretty outgoing.

    When it comes to work, it amazes me how much inane rubbish people talk, to me, completely pointless small talk.

    My attitude is that i've nothing in common with these people - and no one actually has anything in common with each other, we're just a bunch of people thrown together with the intention of earning a living.

    Anyway, for some reason other people seem to engage in small talk more than me, and it makes me wonder if they actually find it useful. I've no interest in talking pointless small talk, and am quite happy just to say good morning, and go through my day and go home and get on with my actual LIFE.

    So, i'm wondering how you guys feel about this sort of thing? It occurs to me that lack of interest in inane group socialising such as at work, is related to Fe PoLR.
    I am like this if I dont have anyone nearby at work that I feel that I can call a friend. If there are friends at work, well then watch out because I'm going to socialize a lot and get distracted.

    I did notice that the SLI I worked with was very industrious and didn't go for much small talk except to "flirt" with the nurses (which I'm pretty sure he did to make his work go smoother), did not get distracted easily. He seemed to do all this with the goal of getting out ASAP. Unlike me, who would tend to work LONG hours (probably more because I would get distracted a lot, not necessarily with socializing, during the day and it always takes me a little while to re-focus).

    But on the other hand, during a morning group meeting at work, SLI did have little side conversations with me or other girls he would end up sitting next to, so that might qualify as socializing. It wasn't the usual inane small talk though. It was usually some little dry joke or something.

    I think it's a combination of Te creative in service to Si, and Fe-POLR.
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    Breaking stereotypes Suz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cyrano View Post
    I see your point, but you spend almost as many waking hours with them as you do with family. Your work IS your life, at least a big part of it. If your conversations are superficial you need to go deeper, not shut them out.

    (How's that for advice from an SLI?)
    I like! I suppose that's advice from an SLI under the influence.

    Under the influence of an IEE that is. . .
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    i'll tear down the sky Mattie's Avatar
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    This is dependent on how the rest of my life is going. Either way, there's ALWAYS time for socializing, for me at least, but I know when I have a lot of things to do, I need to be disciplined about that. When I don't have a lot going on, I'm calling out to my close friends often to hang out, and we usually, just go over each others' houses and do things between us. The most we'll do is go out to a bar or pub, and on special occasions have a small party of friends. I usually get anxious when I'm alone for too long, and grouchy when I feel like friends aren't keeping up with me. Now that I'm busier, I don't look for social interaction at all. I let it come to me and I'll take the small pockets of free time to do this socializing, and then move on to the obligations I have. If a friend of mine wants to hang out, I usually have the next two weeks' obligations planned out, so I can make a date and keep it for them, and depending on the importance of the meet-up (lets say this is a depressed friend over a break-up, or someone close is going away from some time), I'll bend on my obligations to spend more time with them, and try to make it up somehow.

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    Jesus is the cruel sausage consentingadult's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cyclops View Post
    How do you guys feel about this?

    I'm OK doing it with my close friends, sometimes can even be pretty outgoing.

    When it comes to work, it amazes me how much inane rubbish people talk, to me, completely pointless small talk.

    My attitude is that i've nothing in common with these people - and no one actually has anything in common with each other, we're just a bunch of people thrown together with the intention of earning a living.

    Anyway, for some reason other people seem to engage in small talk more than me, and it makes me wonder if they actually find it useful. I've no interest in talking pointless small talk, and am quite happy just to say good morning, and go through my day and go home and get on with my actual LIFE.

    So, i'm wondering how you guys feel about this sort of thing? It occurs to me that lack of interest in inane group socialising such as at work, is related to Fe PoLR.
    you're absolutely right. It's all smalltalk, but then again, most people are dying for attention, and it's this need I frequently give in to. I let people talk, whine, complain and gossip to me and I respond to them as if I take them seriously, meanwhile thinking "get yourself a fucking life". I even take the initiative when I perceive someone might need some attention. It's my way of making money.

    Privately I'm more inclined to keep people at distance.
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    when I had co-workers I really liked, the best parts of my day were talking to them. I liked the few I really got to know. A couple I'm still friends w/ despite not working w/ them for 4 years and moving across the country. I think because of that I changed to more of a people-focused job versus a more info-focused job.

    However, I HATE having to talk to people who annoy me. But I was always good at being less friendly or looking busy (while still polite) to kinda get them to leave. My main focus was always doing the work first, and getting it over with, though I was happy enough once people would start talking to me and then I'd forget about the work

    I would get lonely if I talked to no one at work though and feel like it was a wasted day, even if i'd gotten work done.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cyclops View Post
    How do you guys feel about this?

    I'm OK doing it with my close friends, sometimes can even be pretty outgoing.

    When it comes to work, it amazes me how much inane rubbish people talk, to me, completely pointless small talk.

    My attitude is that i've nothing in common with these people - and no one actually has anything in common with each other, we're just a bunch of people thrown together with the intention of earning a living.

    Anyway, for some reason other people seem to engage in small talk more than me, and it makes me wonder if they actually find it useful. I've no interest in talking pointless small talk, and am quite happy just to say good morning, and go through my day and go home and get on with my actual LIFE.

    So, i'm wondering how you guys feel about this sort of thing? It occurs to me that lack of interest in inane group socialising such as at work, is related to Fe PoLR.
    Actually... you shouldn't be concerned about this aspect of Fe polr with delta people, at least you won't get criticized for it (maybe a bit by IEEs though). If you have nothing to talk about, who cares? The issue I have with Fe polr people sometimes though is when you doubt their ability to have feelings based on what they say. This friend of mine recently told me that the only reason he wanted me to work in his company is because I would be getting money, and not because he would be having me there, because I'll be annoying to him :/.

    Then again, my choice of friends might be questionable.

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    I've been waiting for you Satan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by crazedratXII View Post
    What does your actual life entail, exactly?
    reading between the lines, i'd say: "going through the motions"

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    when you see the booty Galen's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cyrano View Post
    I see your point, but you spend almost as many waking hours with them as you do with family. Your work IS your life, at least a big part of it. If your conversations are superficial you need to go deeper, not shut them out.

    (How's that for advice from an SLI?)
    This is great advice IMO. Small talk as a past-time is pointless, and I'm sure most people don't do it just for the sake of time-wasting; but talking with someone who is a real friend is not pointless, and it's hard to do that when you aren't around real friends. Let it be an opportunity for someone to actually get to know you, not just idle talk; if they're brave enough to initiate conversation with someone they don't know, their actions should be rewarded in some way.
    "And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don't believe in magic will never find it." -Roald Dahl

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    I don't really give a damn any more, honestly. I'm tired of waiting for people to say things so I tend to start conversations when I want, or be silent when I want to. I seem to mostly know a lot of introverted people (?), so I tend to just start things up anyways. It baffles me that people sometimes "wait" for other people to bring things up.

    The only time I tend to be quiet is if there are a lot of weird social things going on or raucousness that seems pointless or destructive or foolish - sometimes that's because it actually is, or because I haven't been acclimated to it yet.

    I tend to gravitate towards people and discussions and arenas I personally like or enjoy - there are plenty of losers and uninteresting things out there, best not to put energy into those things unless it's important . . .
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  13. #13
    Creepy-Cyclops

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    Some interesting replies. I wanted to say thanks to those who've contributed. I don't have time atm to respond directly to some of them, or add further information, but it seemed appropriate to at least let you guys know i've read them

    Hmmmm, i'll try to reply to some:

    Quote Originally Posted by Ryu
    I don't really give a damn any more, honestly. I'm tired of waiting for people to say things so I tend to start conversations when I want, or be silent when I want to. I seem to mostly know a lot of introverted people (?), so I tend to just start things up anyways. It baffles me that people sometimes "wait" for other people to bring things up.

    The only time I tend to be quiet is if there are a lot of weird social things going on or raucousness that seems pointless or destructive or foolish - sometimes that's because it actually is, or because I haven't been acclimated to it yet.

    I tend to gravitate towards people and discussions and arenas I personally like or enjoy - there are plenty of losers and uninteresting things out there, best not to put energy into those things unless it's important . . .
    The bolded part - pretty much applies to me also. It reminds me of something i'd mentioned recently to Lobo, hmmmm.

    Quote Originally Posted by Cyrano
    I see your point, but you spend almost as many waking hours with them as you do with family. Your work IS your life, at least a big part of it. If your conversations are superficial you need to go deeper, not shut them out.

    (How's that for advice from an SLI?)
    Thank you for the advice.

    Some people simply amaze me. How is this a conversation for instance?

    Person A: I like red cars
    Person B: Yeah so do I
    Person A: I never used to like red cars, but I quite like them now
    Person B: Yeah I like red cars more than I used to as well

    *I consider contributing that statistically, red cars are more likely to be involved in accidents than any other cars*

    Person A: Don't you think some cars look cleaner than others
    Person B: Yeah definately, i've noticed that too.

    And so on...

    Thing is, they are both presumably at least average intelligent people, have good degrees from university etc, i'd only have a conversation like that if I was joking, like laughing at myself for having it, but they are incredibly serious. I'd possibly also have that conversation among friends if I was feeling rather brain dead.

    That's actually the best bit of the conversation, ie the most interesting, it get's so dire that I don't even like to remember it.

    Quote Originally Posted by consentingadult
    you're absolutely right. It's all smalltalk, but then again, most people are dying for attention, and it's this need I frequently give in to. I let people talk, whine, complain and gossip to me and I respond to them as if I take them seriously, meanwhile thinking "get yourself a fucking life". I even take the initiative when I perceive someone might need some attention. It's my way of making money.

    Privately I'm more inclined to keep people at distance.
    I notice the me me me thing.

    There was some guy going on about his car, it was needing fixed at the garage, suffice to say it is some big high performance sports car.

    Anyway, he'd mentioned what the problem was. I happen to know a bit about mechanics and went to discuss it with him. The guy is a super control freak and was annoyed at the idea of someone knowing more than him. Apparently this is a common thing with him so I have heard.

    He basically just wants to be centre of attention, so best thing to do is just to agree with him, even if he's talking things which I know for fact are crap, it simply makes for easier life that way.

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    Breaking stereotypes Suz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cyclops View Post
    He basically just wants to be centre of attention, so best thing to do is just to agree with him, even if he's talking things which I know for fact are crap, it simply makes for easier life that way.
    Sometimes you just have to smile and nod, smile and nod. . .
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    hey at least you can come here and talk to great people like workaholics and me.

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    without the nose Cyrano's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cyclops View Post
    Some people simply amaze me. How is this a conversation for instance?

    Person A: I like red cars
    Person B: Yeah so do I
    Person A: I never used to like red cars, but I quite like them now
    Person B: Yeah I like red cars more than I used to as well

    *I consider contributing that statistically, red cars are more likely to be involved in accidents than any other cars*

    Person A: Don't you think some cars look cleaner than others
    Person B: Yeah definately, i've noticed that too.

    And so on...

    I hate to argue with a fellow SLI, but YOU caused this mess. You could have advanced the conversation, but you chose to let it decay. You could have noted that red paint fades like beauty, or that red cars get ticketed more often by the Man. You could have asked the hot girl if she likes red cars - like yours, at sunset, after work, tonight. But no, you just let the patient die on the table and then complain about the smell.

    When will you SLI's learn!!!!!
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cyrano View Post
    I hate to argue with a fellow SLI, but YOU caused this mess. You could have advanced the conversation, but you chose to let it decay. You could have noted that red paint fades like beauty, or that red cars get ticketed more often by the Man. You could have asked the hot girl if she likes red cars - like yours, at sunset, after work, tonight. But no, you just let the patient die on the table and then complain about the smell.

    When will you SLI's learn!!!!!
    hahaha, the SLI sage.

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