Expecting something in conversation

[Lobo]

Have you ever gotten the feeling of having a conversation with someone that rarely leaves you satisfied? It's like you enjoy having conversations, but then it's like you're waiting for some kind of feedback that doesn't seem to occur at times... A better analogy might be waiting for an echo that never comes. Maybe this is a polr thing? Socionics seems to be more suitable to explain things like this considering that it's based on information metabolism. I don't want to mention the example I have for this because I don't want this to be some kind of bash thread towards a particular type.

[Cyrano]

Have you ever gotten the feeling of having a conversation with someone that rarely leaves you satisfied? It's like you enjoy having conversations, but then it's like you're waiting for some kind of feedback that doesn't seem to occur at times... A better analogy might be waiting for an echo that never comes. Maybe this is a polr thing? Socionics seems to be more suitable to explain things like this considering that it's based on information metabolism. I don't want to mention the example I have for this because I don't want this to be some kind of bash thread towards a particular type.

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[Lobo]

lol, exactly.

[Cyrano]

lol, exactly.

And would your reluctant conversationalist be an SLI by chance?



By the way, didn't you used to be ENFp?

[717495]

Have you ever gotten the feeling of having a conversation with someone that rarely leaves you satisfied? It's like you enjoy having conversations, but then it's like you're waiting for some kind of feedback that doesn't seem to occur at times... A better analogy might be waiting for an echo that never comes. Maybe this is a polr thing? Socionics seems to be more suitable to explain things like this considering that it's based on information metabolism. I don't want to mention the example I have for this because I don't want this to be some kind of bash thread towards a particular type.

I am this person.

[Krig the Viking]

Have you ever gotten the feeling of having a conversation with someone that rarely leaves you satisfied? It's like you enjoy having conversations, but then it's like you're waiting for some kind of feedback that doesn't seem to occur at times... A better analogy might be waiting for an echo that never comes. Maybe this is a polr thing? Socionics seems to be more suitable to explain things like this considering that it's based on information metabolism. I don't want to mention the example I have for this because I don't want this to be some kind of bash thread towards a particular type.

Yeah, I've noticed this. I theorize that it has to do with the Suggestive function -- I'm always subconsciously looking for Fe, so conversations with Serious types, especially Fe-Vulnerable types, while they can be intellectually satisfying, do leave behind this "empty" feeling you describe.

At least, that's been my experience. I'm not sure how it plays out for other types. Would ILEs feel the lack of Si when having a conversation with an LIE? Would an IEI be left vaguely unsatisfied by my lack of Se?

Interestingly, I don't really feel this when interacting with other LIIs, even though the Suggestive function is just as weak as the Vulnerable. I suppose the difference is that the former is being actively suppressed, while the latter is being encouraged, even though it's weak.

[silverchris9]

Yeah, I've noticed this. I theorize that it has to do with the Suggestive function -- I'm always subconsciously looking for Fe, so conversations with Serious types, especially Fe-Vulnerable types, while they can be intellectually satisfying, do leave behind this "empty" feeling you describe.

I agree that it probably has a lot to do with the suggestive function. There's an energy missing in conversations with alphas and deltas to me, and even though we have very interesting conversations, I do notice the lack of Se, subconsciously. Further agreed that you don't notice it as much with people of your own quadra. With ILIs, I notice a degree of "energy hole" after a while, from the lack of Se (I think that's the nature of IPs hanging out together, though), but somehow that's different from LIIs, who almost seem reserved in conversation. It makes me uneasy, as if I were doing something wrong, but it's probably just how they are. In contrast, I never feel that particular sense of unease when hanging out with my ILI friends; I just notice the lack of Se after a while.

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

Only every day of my life. It's why I prefer communicating through the written word. =/

I just don't get stimulated by anything in the real world. =/ It doesn't do anything for me. It's like.....so unimpressive. Even if something goes really well, I'll only know that it went well in the empty spaces inbetween.

I decided today I'll pretty much always be a weirdo artistic ideal freak and I should just embrace it and stop pretending to be normal when such a thing doesn't exist, and certainly doesn't exist for me.

[Lobo]

And would your reluctant conversationalist be an SLI by chance?

By the way, didn't you used to be ENFp?

I can't answer that first question, so as to avoid type stereotypes .

I've never self-typed IEE, always INFj.

Yeah, I've noticed this. I theorize that it has to do with the Suggestive function -- I'm always subconsciously looking for Fe, so conversations with Serious types, especially Fe-Vulnerable types, while they can be intellectually satisfying, do leave behind this "empty" feeling you describe.

At least, that's been my experience. I'm not sure how it plays out for other types. Would ILEs feel the lack of Si when having a conversation with an LIE? Would an IEI be left vaguely unsatisfied by my lack of Se?

Interestingly, I don't really feel this when interacting with other LIIs, even though the Suggestive function is just as weak as the Vulnerable. I suppose the difference is that the former is being actively suppressed, while the latter is being encouraged, even though it's weak.

To be completely honest with you, Te conversations bore me when they go on for substantial amount of time, especially if it's not given in small doses... It would not surprise me in the least that the same thing happens to them with Fi. It seems to really interest me when it's applied to "deep" conversations, like what a person's outlook is on life. I've had the emptiness feeling when talking to Te types, because things often turn to a conversation about careers and/or showing off how they handled something at the job or how they did it better than someone else . Caretaking is pretty hot to me, but it doesn't have to be manifested through conversation as well... "you should do this and that, work on this etc" (I know I might sound like an asshole right now).

Dangit, I have to go now. I'll get to this later.

[crazedrat]

I think it's better to expect nothing, and if you do find yourself expecting something, examine why? Then extinguish that and move on.

[Suz]

And would your reluctant conversationalist be an SLI by chance?



By the way, didn't you used to be ENFp?

I have to say yes I've definitely experienced this quite a bit. And YES one of the guilty parties had been SLI on several occasions, though people of other types have been just as guilty. Actually with the SLI it wasn't quite so bad, especially once we started dualizing. We would have spurts of conversation and then not know what to say next. Another scenario was the opposite--we would bump into each other, have a relatively long conversation, and then he would start rushing off even though there was more to talk about :frown:

[Cyrano]

I have to say yes I've definitely experienced this quite a bit. And YES one of the guilty parties had been SLI on several occasions, though people of other types have been just as guilty. Actually with the SLI it wasn't quite so bad, especially once we started dualizing. We would have spurts of conversation and then not know what to say next. Another scenario was the opposite--we would bump into each other, have a relatively long conversation, and then he would start rushing off even though there was more to talk about :frown:

That's my pattern. Early to arrive, quick to leave. When I am in a conversation, it's all about you. I've had people say thay have talked with me for hours and learned nothing about me. So tell me about yourself.

[Lobo]

Only every day of my life. It's why I prefer communicating through the written word. =/

I just don't get stimulated by anything in the real world. =/ It doesn't do anything for me. It's like.....so unimpressive. Even if something goes really well, I'll only know that it went well in the empty spaces inbetween.

I decided today I'll pretty much always be a weirdo artistic ideal freak and I should just embrace it and stop pretending to be normal when such a thing doesn't exist, and certainly doesn't exist for me.

I figure that Ni people need unpredictability for stimulation, since it's easy to see things as being predictable. Se gives that indirectly I think.

[Suz]

That's my pattern. Early to arrive, quick to leave. When I am in a conversation, it's all about you. I've had people say thay have talked with me for hours and learned nothing about me. So tell me about yourself.

VERY true of this SLI as well. In fact one time (way back before we really started dualizing), we had some down time at work, so after getting bored surfing the web I thought I would make some small talk with him. I started asking him questions, like what the origin of his last name was, etc. . .and it was so striking, as soon as I started doing that, he gave me some curt answers to my questions but as he did so he was getting up and kind of started rushing out the door . It was almost like PANIC, i gotta get out of here! Weird. . .

The other thing I noticed back then was when our mutual supervisor would make small talk with him (he was more at ease talking with her than with me, and she is better at small talk than I am), still whenever she would get too personal with the questions, he would kind of give some jokey or vague answer and then steer the conversation away from himself. It was a trend.

I guess that's a good thing because I like to talk about and share my experiences and obviously am not as good at asking people about themselves, unless I'm truly genuinely curious (which granted, does happen often).

[silverchris9]

I figure that Ni people need unpredictability for stimulation, since it's easy to see things as being predictable. Se gives that indirectly I think.

That's like, the essence of Ni. Ni is the mother of ennui. Everything reduces to repetition of essential elements, and life becomes boring. But that's what poetry, and, yes, SLEs, are for.

I think it's better to expect nothing, and if you do find yourself expecting something, examine why? Then extinguish that and move on.

I think Lobo's talking about a more subconscious expectation, the kind that are harder to get rid off (but it's not impossible).