Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 40 of 42

Thread: How do I decline ESFp's requests to hang out with him and his friends?

  1. #1
    xerx's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    5,464
    Mentioned
    53 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default How do I decline ESFp's requests to hang out with him and his friends?

    By that I mean, how do I make him stop pestering me to hang out with him and his friends? I've tried explaining to him politely that I don't much care for the restless drunk party atmospheres he keeps inviting me to, or the dozen girls he tried to hook me up with, or all the Jamaican music he tries to get me to listen to, nor any of the other multitude of oriented activities with which he soils his pride semi-religiously. All that may be enjoyable for a little while, but I mean the guy expects me to party with him every day till the break of dawn.

    None of it works. He's like a super-persistent energizer bunny. And worst of all interrupts what I'm doing for hours just so he can tell me inane, immature stories involving his socialite activities. He has expectations from our relationship that he constantly pursues and tries to cash in on my account. I swear, 99% of what he talks about seems like a boring, unstimulating waste of time.

    I can't tell him any of this because I don't want to hurt his feelings. I know he feels hurt when I reject most of his offers, although he hides it. He has this tendency to become hurt when his relations' likes and dislikes aren't consistent with his.

    Anyway, what can I do to ease him off me gently?
    You can do anything with a bayonet except sit on it.

  2. #2
    xerx's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    5,464
    Mentioned
    53 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    He also gets really enthusiastic about a lot of things and even tries to get others excited, which I find annoying. But it's not the same as an ESEs enthusiasm, which usually blends in well with the activity and seems "natural."
    You can do anything with a bayonet except sit on it.

  3. #3
    ~~rubicon~~ Rubicon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    Chatbox
    TIM
    SEI, 9
    Posts
    5,268
    Mentioned
    3 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Poor, popular jxrtes. :-p Idk.. maybe you're giving off Ni airs or something? :-p Looking like you're listless and up for anything? Maybe you could mention a bunch of other things that you'll be doing instead every time you reject his offers - keep the options coming until his mind is boggled by all the stuff that you have to cram into your life. :-p If he interrupts what you're doing for hours, he's probably assuming that you've got nothing better to do.

    Sometimes what I find myself doing with SEEs to get them off my back is parodying their energy/enthusiasm in my emotional reaction, then following it up with the brilliant "sorry, but I can't." E.g. The SEE: "Hey Jem! Come and do X!" Me: "Woooo! haha.. I can't though". If they keep pushing it, you gotta just keep repeating your answer with the same smile on your face until they start to recognise that there is a pattern forming, and that it will likely continue. :-p
    "Language is the Rubicon that divides man from beast."

  4. #4
    Haikus
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    8,337
    Mentioned
    15 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    You probably should stop being friends with him, just tell him you don't want to hang out or talk to him anymore, and that you don't like what he does, and you're busy with your own things.

    I had to tell the same thing to this energetic LSE, who wanted to excersize, go places, play laborious games/do work (same in my impression of him, heh), and run military drills with me, and began intruding on my personal life and trying to make friends with my family. I politely gave into him at first and adopted a mild friendship and I wanted to be more out in the real world, and I'm pretty flexible and obedient with most people, but I had to put an end to the annoyance, before it became a big question. It was fun and exciting at first though. I remember we had a great Te connection, and he liked to teach me things (about life) and he was a few years older and sort of new in town, the kid traveler, he was just way too EJ and Si oriented for me.

    You don't control an SEE, though. You just work through things, or you stop working through things and officially put an end to it.

    The heart was made to be broken, so it can grow back bigger or something... you don't need to worry about him talking bad about you or whatever. If he values Fi, then it shouldn't be a big deal, and it shouldn't matter to you much anyway. Just tell it like it is.

  5. #5
    Ti centric krieger's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Posts
    5,983
    Mentioned
    80 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Tell him to sod off in increasingly harsh and unambiguous terms until he gets it.

  6. #6
    xerx's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    5,464
    Mentioned
    53 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Normally I'd tell someone like that to bugger off or something, but I can't in this case because he's my brother (ya superid siblings suck) and he'd probably take it very badly if I do. We automatically have a close Fi bond according to him because of family.

    Sometimes what I find myself doing with SEEs to get them off my back is parodying their energy/enthusiasm in my emotional reaction, then following it up with the brilliant "sorry, but I can't." E.g. The SEE: "Hey Jem! Come and do X!" Me: "Woooo! haha.. I can't though". If they keep pushing it, you gotta just keep repeating your answer with the same smile on your face until they start to recognise that there is a pattern forming, and that it will likely continue. :-p
    It doesn't work.
    You can do anything with a bayonet except sit on it.

  7. #7
    ~~rubicon~~ Rubicon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    Chatbox
    TIM
    SEI, 9
    Posts
    5,268
    Mentioned
    3 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by jxrtes View Post
    Normally I'd tell someone like that to bugger off or something, but I can't in this case because he's my brother (ya superid siblings suck) and he'd probably take it very badly if I do. We automatically have a close Fi bond according to him because of family.

    It doesn't work.
    Ehh... yeah, being siblings would complicate things. :-/
    "Language is the Rubicon that divides man from beast."

  8. #8
    Ti centric krieger's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Posts
    5,983
    Mentioned
    80 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Clear communication is still the solution. Tell him in exact and unequivocal terms where the boundaries of the interaction between you and him lie. Remind him of your words every time he crosses said boundaries. Be consistent. Your problem is that you don't want to hurt his feelings when that is exactly what you should do if it's a side-effect of the rejection.

  9. #9
    xerx's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    5,464
    Mentioned
    53 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    I've hurt his feelings on occasion, and things went sort of well. hmm. If I keep setting boundaries, it might be like tearing off a band aid.
    You can do anything with a bayonet except sit on it.

  10. #10
    Haikus
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    8,337
    Mentioned
    15 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    One solution, that may not even work. Move far far away. If you become rich, you'll have guards to throw him out and a secretary to take his calls.

    Family is family.

  11. #11
    xerx's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    5,464
    Mentioned
    53 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Family is family.
    Unfortunately.
    You can do anything with a bayonet except sit on it.

  12. #12
    Haikus
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    8,337
    Mentioned
    15 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Well you're an ILE right? Make an invention that gets rid of this horrible truth; there's got to be something racing through your Ne.

  13. #13
    Haikus Beautiful sky's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    EII land
    TIM
    EII INFj
    Posts
    22,740
    Mentioned
    531 Post(s)
    Tagged
    6 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by jxrtes View Post
    By that I mean, how do I make him stop pestering me to hang out with him and his friends? I've tried explaining to him politely that I don't much care for the restless drunk party atmospheres he keeps inviting me to, or the dozen girls he tried to hook me up with, or all the Jamaican music he tries to get me to listen to, nor any of the other multitude of oriented activities with which he soils his pride semi-religiously. All that may be enjoyable for a little while, but I mean the guy expects me to party with him every day till the break of dawn.

    None of it works. He's like a super-persistent energizer bunny. And worst of all interrupts what I'm doing for hours just so he can tell me inane, immature stories involving his socialite activities. He has expectations from our relationship that he constantly pursues and tries to cash in on my account. I swear, 99% of what he talks about seems like a boring, unstimulating waste of time.

    I can't tell him any of this because I don't want to hurt his feelings. I know he feels hurt when I reject most of his offers, although he hides it. He has this tendency to become hurt when his relations' likes and dislikes aren't consistent with his.

    Anyway, what can I do to ease him off me gently?

    Sorry, that doesn't sound like an SEE kind of behavior.

  14. #14
    Darn Socks Director Abbie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    Southwest USA
    TIM
    LSE
    Posts
    6,724
    Mentioned
    235 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by jxrtes View Post
    How do I control an SEE ?
    Have you tried crying?

    ESTj
    1w2 sp/so 1-2-6
    Brilliand's Younger Sister
    Squishy's Older Sister

    Johari Nohari

    Quote Originally Posted by Ritella View Post
    Over here, we'll put up with (almost) all of your crap. You just have to use the secret phrase: "I don't value it. It's related to <insert random element here>, which is not in my quadra."
    Quote Originally Posted by Aquagraph View Post
    Abbie is so boring and rigid it's awesome instead of boring and rigid. She seems so practical and down-to-the-ground.

  15. #15
    Currently God Brilliand's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    Nevada
    TIM
    LII
    Posts
    4,246
    Mentioned
    4 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Director Abbie View Post
    Have you tried crying?
    Huh... good idea. It'd probably be rather hard for jxrtes to make himself do that, though.

    @jxrtes: Crying seems like a good idea, if you can pull it off (you would have to follow it up with something that gave him the right idea of what you're crying about); other than that, you could try describing how repulsive his behavior (specifically, the thing he wants you to join him in) is to you... I doubt he'll keep asking you to do something that you seem to have a deep-seated hatred for, and eventually he'll run out of things to ask you to do... unless he starts coming up with things he doesn't even want to do just to strengthen his bond with you. Then you're in trouble. You might have to go along with something tolerable in that case, or invite him to do something that you like.



    LII-Ne

    "Come to think of it, there are already a million monkeys on a million typewriters, and the Usenet is NOTHING like Shakespeare!"
    - Blair Houghton

    Johari

  16. #16
    take a second of me sarinana's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    Originally from black hole, currently residing in Jupiter
    TIM
    EIE-Ni
    Posts
    1,166
    Mentioned
    4 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    just ignore

  17. #17
    wants to be a writer. silverchris9's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    New York
    Posts
    3,107
    Mentioned
    14 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    1) seriously sit him down and be like, "I'd be glad to do other stuff with you, but this sort of activity isn't very enjoyable to me, and I wish that we could do other activities together instead."
    2) Throw out Ti vibes like crazy. Just Ti all over the place. Criticize the illogicality of everything he does. Correct every mistake he makes regarding understanding a system (my little brother is SEE and HATES when I do that to him). Make fun of his logical arguments, and then meticulously show the superiority of your logical argument. Engage his friends in such arguments too. But only do this when you're forced to do some activity with him that you don't want to do. Eventually, either he'll get the hint, or he'll just notice that partying isn't as fun with you around, and stop inviting you. Then you can return to number 1 and emphasize that you'd love to hang out with him (and keep up your Fi bond and such), but just in a way that involves different activities. Tell him to be "fair" and do the kind of things you like to do as well.

    Also, that behavior does not sound like it rules out SEE to me, but perhaps a typing thread is in order?
    Not a rule, just a trend.

    IEI. Probably Fe subtype. Pretty sure I'm E4, sexual instinctual type, fairly confident that I'm a 3 wing now, so: IEI-Fe E4w3 sx/so. Considering 3w4 now, but pretty sure that 4 fits the best.

    Yes 'a ma'am that's pretty music...

    I am grateful for the mystery of the soul, because without it, there could be no contemplation, except of the mysteries of divinity, which are far more dangerous to get wrong.

  18. #18
    Banned
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    TIM
    LSE
    Posts
    18,006
    Mentioned
    162 Post(s)
    Tagged
    1 Thread(s)

    Default

    Tie him up and put a gun to his head - It always works.

  19. #19
    crazedrat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Location
    moon
    Posts
    4,885
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Well, usually I just say .. "ah....." or "mmmm", and then completely ignore them. And I don't have problems with them. But I also usually find their stories amusing. Maybe you could try that. Otherwise you might ask an ILI.
    INTp

  20. #20
    xerx's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    5,464
    Mentioned
    53 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    First, I don't want people thinking that I hate him or anything like that. Moving on,

    Quote Originally Posted by Maritsa33 View Post
    Sorry, that doesn't sound like an SEE kind of behavior.
    Quote Originally Posted by he died with a felafel View Post
    i don't think that's an SEE either, at least not based on your description.
    Quote Originally Posted by silverchris9 View Post
    Also, that behavior does not sound like it rules out SEE to me, but perhaps a typing thread is in order?
    What do you guys mean exactly? Which part of it doesn't sound like SEE?

    Everything I described is in line with valuing socialite behavior, almost stereotypically SEE. He acts just like Will Smith from the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air (but maybe more outgoing and less good at sports). In fact, Will Smith was his hero growing up.

    I explained my reasons for thinking valuing in this thread: socionics.ws - View topic - mr T . His inability to conform to social situations (and social hierarchies) has got him in trouble with others (mostly betas) throughout his life. He made many enemies because he was totally honest and open about his opinions of others. (A lot like niff17).

    He also does this stereotypically SEE thing, where he throws a tantrum and tries to get others (usually me) to infuse into the situation by being productive and helping him start projects: usually a business of some kind.

    I think we're in opposite quadras, since our relationship plays out like superid. He likes to criticize my disuse of all the time. He thinks I'm depressed because I don't use it very much, but he's also very accepting towards and in awe of all my NT traits -- so at least his relationship with me is better than his relationship with our parents (EIE and LSI).

    His best friend is an Se Creative.
    You can do anything with a bayonet except sit on it.

  21. #21
    Haikus Beautiful sky's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    EII land
    TIM
    EII INFj
    Posts
    22,740
    Mentioned
    531 Post(s)
    Tagged
    6 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by jxrtes View Post
    First, I don't want people thinking that I hate him or anything like that. Moving on,







    What do you guys mean exactly? Which part of it doesn't sound like SEE?

    Everything I described is in line with valuing socialite behavior, almost stereotypically SEE. He acts just like Will Smith from the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air (but maybe more outgoing and less good at sports). In fact, Will Smith was his hero growing up.

    I explained my reasons for thinking valuing in this thread: socionics.ws - View topic - mr T . His inability to conform to social situations (and social hierarchies) has got him in trouble with others (mostly betas) throughout his life. He made many enemies because he was totally honest and open about his opinions of others. (A lot like niff17).

    He also does this stereotypically SEE thing, where he throws a tantrum and tries to get others (usually me) to infuse into the situation by being productive and helping him start projects: usually a business of some kind.

    I think we're in opposite quadras, since our relationship plays out like superid. He likes to criticize my disuse of all the time. He thinks I'm depressed because I don't use it very much, but he's also very accepting towards and in awe of all my NT traits -- so at least his relationship with me is better than his relationship with our parents (EIE and LSI).

    His best friend is an Se Creative.
    LOL- fresh prince style there is ISTp, but I can't say for sure unless I have a VI; ISTp are unique because they are the only type in the 16 types that have such interesting variation of dress, hobbies, likes and dislikes, behavior, etc; I mean, If I just typed by those standards instead of using VI morphology, I would have 1 billion ISTp types, one for each one of them that exists, that's how different they can be from one another; finding exact replicat ISTp twins is not easy, even the ones born of the same family are different from one another as far as behavior goes...music listening, and complaining is the only commonality -maybe. There are shy ISTp, outgoing, party animal like ones, sportman like ones, and baby face, puppy dog kind of them, geniuses, lazy ones, etc.

  22. #22
    xerx's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    5,464
    Mentioned
    53 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Maritsa33 View Post
    LOL- fresh prince style there is ISTp, they are unique because they are the only type in the 16 types that have such interesting variation of dress, hobbies, likes and dislikes; I mean, If I just typed by those standards instead of using VI morphology, I would have 1 billion ISTp types, one for each one of them that exists, that's how different they can be from one another; finding exact replicat ISTp twins is not easy, even the ones born of the same family are different from one another as far as behavior goes...music listening, and complaining is the only commonality -maybe.
    So if the Fresh Prince is ISTp, that would definitely not make me an ENTp. What type do you think I am?
    You can do anything with a bayonet except sit on it.

  23. #23
    Haikus Beautiful sky's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    EII land
    TIM
    EII INFj
    Posts
    22,740
    Mentioned
    531 Post(s)
    Tagged
    6 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by jxrtes View Post
    So if the Fresh Prince is ISTp, that would definitely not make me an ENTp. What type do you think I am?
    I don't have a VI. Do you want to be an ESTj? Your writing style is similar, but ISTp's and ESTj's write the same or similar way.
    Last edited by Beautiful sky; 03-11-2010 at 10:17 PM.

  24. #24
    xerx's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    5,464
    Mentioned
    53 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Maritsa33 View Post
    I don't have a VI. Do you want to be an ESTj? Your writing style is similar, but ISTp's and ESTj's write the same or similar way.
    That would put me in an even better relationship with him if he's ISTp, and I'm sure we have opposite values.
    You can do anything with a bayonet except sit on it.

  25. #25
    Haikus Beautiful sky's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    EII land
    TIM
    EII INFj
    Posts
    22,740
    Mentioned
    531 Post(s)
    Tagged
    6 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by jxrtes View Post
    That would put me in an even better relationship with him if he's ISTp, and I'm sure we have opposite values.
    I am pretty darn sure you are ESTj that would make him your mirror and mirrors are very good friends.

  26. #26
    crazedrat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Location
    moon
    Posts
    4,885
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    maritsa, could you make a bar graph or flow chart of the type distributions of all the members of this forum? I would like to see the percentage of us who are ISTps or ESTjs.
    INTp

  27. #27
    xerx's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    5,464
    Mentioned
    53 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Maritsa33 View Post
    I am pretty darn sure you are ESTj that would make him your mirror and mirrors are very good friends.
    We're not good friends. We tolerate each other, that's about it.

    Quote Originally Posted by he died with a felafel View Post
    i based my comment on the fact that, ime, SEEs tend not to approach so relentlessly if you give them plenty of cues you aren't interested. Fi is the judging function and, if well developed, will let them know when to stop pursuing, it ensures their efforts don't go all wasted (so to speak). If your brother is indeed SEE (and i see you're already doubting his type now) he may have very underdeveloped Fi. For what it's worth, I don't think he's an SEE though.
    No, I never doubted his type. No type fits him better than SEE, including quadra and intertype relations. I was just asking for some clarification on other posters' points.

    As for his persistence, he is an Se ego, not an Ne ego. An IEE might be expected to evaluate the strength of a relationship based on its essential, generalized aspects, but an SEE would evaluate it based on personal volition. If his "force of will" sees a possible crack in my defenses, he'll take that as a positive sign to implement his Fi. (ETA: learning otherwise by trial and error).

    Also keep in mind that we're immediate family, which I'd think strengthens Fi-bonds, since we grew up together.

    In addition, I've been noticeably depressed lately and he probably increased his efforts in an ill-guided attempt to cheer me up.

    In addition, it's not as if my constant refusals didn't have an effect. I mentioned that he decreased his efforts because of them.
    Last edited by xerx; 03-12-2010 at 07:16 AM.
    You can do anything with a bayonet except sit on it.

  28. #28
    wants to be a writer. silverchris9's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    New York
    Posts
    3,107
    Mentioned
    14 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by jxrtes View Post
    What do you guys mean exactly? Which part of it doesn't sound like SEE?
    What I meant was that I *don't* see anything that strongly implies that your brother is not SEE, but since others do, it couldn't hurt to have a typing thread. That's all. But if you're very confident in the typing, no need to bother.
    Not a rule, just a trend.

    IEI. Probably Fe subtype. Pretty sure I'm E4, sexual instinctual type, fairly confident that I'm a 3 wing now, so: IEI-Fe E4w3 sx/so. Considering 3w4 now, but pretty sure that 4 fits the best.

    Yes 'a ma'am that's pretty music...

    I am grateful for the mystery of the soul, because without it, there could be no contemplation, except of the mysteries of divinity, which are far more dangerous to get wrong.

  29. #29
    xerx's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    5,464
    Mentioned
    53 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by he died with a felafel View Post
    can't say i have a very strong opinion to make a case, but from the limited information I don't see why this couldn't be Ne+Ti...how old is he by the way? also, what's your type? if you've already mentioned it, i can't remember. either way, I'm sure you've pondered this and may have already looked at alternatives.
    I self-type as ENTp and he's in his early 20s.
    You can do anything with a bayonet except sit on it.

  30. #30
    xerx's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    5,464
    Mentioned
    53 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by he died with a felafel View Post
    to go back to your original concern: assuming your brother is SEE, laying out clear *time* boundaries should work. So, explaining/telling him this is not the right time, or you don't have the time at the moment, or you're working right now and need to focus etc. should work. Explaining that you're prioritizing and can't spare the time usually works. Ignoring him would hurt his feelings ime.

    I only asked about the age thinking if he were very young he could very well be an SEE who hasn't developed his Fi very well and can't tell when to let go. Looks like you're pretty certain about his type so i won't insist about other type possibilities.
    You're free to insist if you think there is a contradiction or something I'm overlooking. I appreciated what you did. And thank you for the advice, it's just what I was looking for.
    You can do anything with a bayonet except sit on it.

  31. #31
    Grand Inquisitor Bardia's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    TIM
    ESI
    Posts
    1,258
    Mentioned
    7 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by jxrtes View Post
    By that I mean, how do I make him stop pestering me to hang out with him and his friends? I've tried explaining to him politely that I don't much care for the restless drunk party atmospheres he keeps inviting me to, or the dozen girls he tried to hook me up with, or all the Jamaican music he tries to get me to listen to, nor any of the other multitude of oriented activities with which he soils his pride semi-religiously. All that may be enjoyable for a little while, but I mean the guy expects me to party with him every day till the break of dawn.

    None of it works. He's like a super-persistent energizer bunny. And worst of all interrupts what I'm doing for hours just so he can tell me inane, immature stories involving his socialite activities. He has expectations from our relationship that he constantly pursues and tries to cash in on my account. I swear, 99% of what he talks about seems like a boring, unstimulating waste of time.

    I can't tell him any of this because I don't want to hurt his feelings. I know he feels hurt when I reject most of his offers, although he hides it. He has this tendency to become hurt when his relations' likes and dislikes aren't consistent with his.

    Anyway, what can I do to ease him off me gently?
    You could just tell him that you appreciate the invitation a lot but that you just aren't interested in that kind of stuff. Invite him to do something you like and if you don't really feel like spending time with him invite him to do something you know he doesn't like. Smile a lot and give him a hug or something if it's going over poorly.

    He probably tells you funny stories about his socialite activities to entertain you in some way and make you laugh.
    “No psychologist should pretend to understand what he does not understand... Only fools and charlatans know everything and understand nothing.” -Anton Chekhov

    http://kevan.org/johari?name=Bardia0
    http://kevan.org/nohari?name=Bardia0

  32. #32
    Blaze's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Posts
    5,725
    Mentioned
    9 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    to answer the question posed in the thread topic...you can't. SEE can only be somewhat controlled by our unibomber, intp. :wink:

    ILE

    those who are easily shocked.....should be shocked more often

  33. #33
    hedgehog's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    Denmark
    Posts
    10
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by jxrtes View Post
    By that I mean, how do I make him stop pestering me to hang out with him and his friends? I've tried explaining to him politely that I don't much care for the restless drunk party atmospheres he keeps inviting me to, or the dozen girls he tried to hook me up with, or all the Jamaican music he tries to get me to listen to, nor any of the other multitude of oriented activities with which he soils his pride semi-religiously. All that may be enjoyable for a little while, but I mean the guy expects me to party with him every day till the break of dawn.

    None of it works. He's like a super-persistent energizer bunny. And worst of all interrupts what I'm doing for hours just so he can tell me inane, immature stories involving his socialite activities. He has expectations from our relationship that he constantly pursues and tries to cash in on my account. I swear, 99% of what he talks about seems like a boring, unstimulating waste of time.

    I can't tell him any of this because I don't want to hurt his feelings. I know he feels hurt when I reject most of his offers, although he hides it. He has this tendency to become hurt when his relations' likes and dislikes aren't consistent with his.

    Anyway, what can I do to ease him off me gently?
    there is no way to ease them off gently, they are not very good with hints and clues. the only way, i know will work for 90%, is to sit him down and calmly, seriously tell him how you feel. you don't need to hurt his feelings by saying that you think that he is wasting time, just tell him that you have different interests and values. he might get hurt a little, but he is your family, so he'll "forgive" you and probably go out of line to make you feel good.

    good luck
    LIE

  34. #34
    Hiding Typhon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    Valhalla
    TIM
    Ni-ENFj
    Posts
    2,645
    Mentioned
    5 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    You're an ILE right? Well, superego relations aerent known to work very well on a close level so id suggest keeping him at at distance which is what I do with my LSE aunt - only superficial contact. It always works.

  35. #35

    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    NYC
    Posts
    1,834
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Just tell him you'll be really busy for a while. Or be more like yourself and you'll naturally repel him.

    ESFps can be really excited about social things and push you to join in. You have to be firm with them sometimes and just say NO.

    My dad is INTj and my ex was ESFp. They'd try to be polite, but naturally did repel each other. My dad would criticize his logic or try to explain how life works to him, which would annoy him.
    Hi! I'm an ENFP. :-)

  36. #36
    without the nose Cyrano's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    Columbus, Ohio USA
    Posts
    1,021
    Mentioned
    3 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    [QUOTE=jewels;624756]QUOTE]

    Get a puppy. You can always beg off because you have to go home to take care of the puppy. Works with children too.
    ISTp
    SLI

    Enneagram 5 with a side of wings.

  37. #37
    The Iniquitous inumbra's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    TIM
    954
    Posts
    5,989
    Mentioned
    70 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Cyrano View Post
    Get a puppy. You can always beg off because you have to go home to take care of the puppy. Works with children too.
    Get the SEE a puppy. Puppies are very demanding of one's time.

  38. #38
    without the nose Cyrano's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    Columbus, Ohio USA
    Posts
    1,021
    Mentioned
    3 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Loki View Post
    Get the SEE a puppy. Puppies are very demanding of one's time.
    Even better. That will keep him busy and entertained.
    ISTp
    SLI

    Enneagram 5 with a side of wings.

  39. #39
    Currently God Brilliand's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    Nevada
    TIM
    LII
    Posts
    4,246
    Mentioned
    4 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Cyrano View Post
    Even better. That will keep him busy and entertained.
    Unless the puppy ends up neglected...



    LII-Ne

    "Come to think of it, there are already a million monkeys on a million typewriters, and the Usenet is NOTHING like Shakespeare!"
    - Blair Houghton

    Johari

  40. #40
    The Iniquitous inumbra's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    TIM
    954
    Posts
    5,989
    Mentioned
    70 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Brilliand View Post
    Unless the puppy ends up neglected...
    Yes that's a danger. Then jxrtes would be saddled with both of them.

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •