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Thread: IEIs/INFps do you feel repressed?

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    Default IEIs/INFps do you feel repressed?

    Or is it just me?

    I find myself spending so much time being "nice" to people and responding in the way they want me to respond--and I can always get the vibe of how people want me to respond in a given situation, or if they have a negative reaction to something I'm doing, even if they don't express it openly--that I generally feel hella repressed (in the conventional sense of the word, not the technical psychoanalytical sense).

    Also, for some somewhat associated socionics, I think that one of the best ways to tell an EII from an IEI is that the EII will generally like themselves better when they are "nice," and express their feelings by being nice/in nice ways, whereas the IEI will generally like themselves better when they are completely open with their feelings, and are nice incidentally. Also, I think that part of the way IEI/SLE duality works is that the IEI doesn't act on enough of his impulses, and the SLE acts on too many of her impulses and each admires the other for seeming to naturally possess qualities that they need to apply in their own lives. (Also, I would never tell an SLE that she acted on too many of her impulses, 'cause that'd probably piss her off. It sounds really moralizing. But I was too lazy to come up with a better way to say that).
    Not a rule, just a trend.

    IEI. Probably Fe subtype. Pretty sure I'm E4, sexual instinctual type, fairly confident that I'm a 3 wing now, so: IEI-Fe E4w3 sx/so. Considering 3w4 now, but pretty sure that 4 fits the best.

    Yes 'a ma'am that's pretty music...

    I am grateful for the mystery of the soul, because without it, there could be no contemplation, except of the mysteries of divinity, which are far more dangerous to get wrong.

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    Quote Originally Posted by silverchris9 View Post
    Or is it just me?

    I find myself spending so much time being "nice" to people and responding in the way they want me to respond--and I can always get the vibe of how people want me to respond in a given situation, or if they have a negative reaction to something I'm doing, even if they don't express it openly--that I generally feel hella repressed (in the conventional sense of the word, not the technical psychoanalytical sense).
    Fuck you.

    Why do you do that?

    Just break out of it.

    Also, for some somewhat associated socionics, I think that one of the best ways to tell an EII from an IEI is that the EII will generally like themselves better when they are "nice," and express their feelings by being nice/in nice ways, whereas the IEI will generally like themselves better when they are completely open with their feelings, and are nice incidentally. Also, I think
    The difference between being real and fake.

    that part of the way IEI/SLE duality works is that the IEI doesn't act on enough of his impulses, and the SLE acts on too many of her impulses and each admires the other for seeming to naturally possess qualities that they need to apply in their own lives. (Also, I would never tell an SLE that she acted on too many of her impulses, 'cause that'd probably piss her off. It sounds really moralizing. But I was too lazy to come up with a better way to say that).
    You should do things you never do. Be free. Be whole. Be complete.

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    Quote Originally Posted by VixenDogFox View Post
    Not to derail your thread, but an aside that will mean nothing to many: I think it's really sad that "hella" is being used everywhere now, even in New York. It came from Sacramento. It is a horribly retarded slang word. That's all.
    y'know i think you're a useless bitch too. just to let yah know.

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    Quote Originally Posted by mercutio View Post
    Fuck you.

    Why do you do that?

    Just break out of it.
    Fuck you. It's hard. I'm trying maybe. (Don't try just do)
    The difference between being real and fake.
    I was being diplomatic, but yes.

    You should do things you never do. Be free. Be whole. Be complete.
    Good advice sounds hard.
    Not to derail your thread, but an aside that will mean nothing to many: I think it's really sad that "hella" is being used everywhere now, even in New York. It came from Sacramento. It is a horribly retarded slang word. That's all.
    Yeah, I thought hella was hella stupid too, but now it's hella ubiquitous and since I'm hella friends with hella SoCal peeps and even hella smart science people wanna make hella hella real , at this point I'm hella unable to stop myself. I'm hella sorry though.
    Not a rule, just a trend.

    IEI. Probably Fe subtype. Pretty sure I'm E4, sexual instinctual type, fairly confident that I'm a 3 wing now, so: IEI-Fe E4w3 sx/so. Considering 3w4 now, but pretty sure that 4 fits the best.

    Yes 'a ma'am that's pretty music...

    I am grateful for the mystery of the soul, because without it, there could be no contemplation, except of the mysteries of divinity, which are far more dangerous to get wrong.

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    Quote Originally Posted by silverchris9 View Post
    Fuck you. It's hard. I'm trying maybe. (Don't try just do)
    Well when it comes to some things I have limits.

    I was being diplomatic, but yes.
    For who's benefit.

    Good advice sounds hard.
    I find that there's two things involved in change. One is having an awareness of the pattern that you're currently in as it's happening. Second is doing something else in that moment.

    If you're not aware of the pattern, or only after it's happened you'll just repeat it. If you are aware and don't change it, then you're repeating the cycle.

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    Quote Originally Posted by mercutio View Post
    Well when it comes to some things I have limits.
    No, you don't.

    For who's benefit.
    Good point.

    I find that there's two things involved in change. One is having an awareness of the pattern that you're currently in as it's happening. Second is doing something else in that moment.

    If you're not aware of the pattern, or only after it's happened you'll just repeat it. If you are aware and don't change it, then you're repeating the cycle.
    Hmmm... I rather like that. Obviously my problem is the latter, but simply doing something different in the moment sounds more possible. I dunno.
    Not a rule, just a trend.

    IEI. Probably Fe subtype. Pretty sure I'm E4, sexual instinctual type, fairly confident that I'm a 3 wing now, so: IEI-Fe E4w3 sx/so. Considering 3w4 now, but pretty sure that 4 fits the best.

    Yes 'a ma'am that's pretty music...

    I am grateful for the mystery of the soul, because without it, there could be no contemplation, except of the mysteries of divinity, which are far more dangerous to get wrong.

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    Quote Originally Posted by silverchris9 View Post
    Or is it just me?

    I find myself spending so much time being "nice" to people and responding in the way they want me to respond--and I can always get the vibe of how people want me to respond in a given situation, or if they have a negative reaction to something I'm doing, even if they don't express it openly--that I generally feel hella repressed (in the conventional sense of the word, not the technical psychoanalytical sense).

    I know the awareness you're speaking of, and I'm quite familiar with it. But usually I don't conform to it and instead choose to stay distanced from people. It's a matter of being forced to compromise your true emotions in the name of some distanced prospect. Because what is a relationship, really? It's basically two symbiotic parasites sucking eachother off. Often times when I'm in a social situation I'll just sleep through it. I would prefer to just be in a coma.


    Also, for some somewhat associated socionics, I think that one of the best ways to tell an EII from an IEI is that the EII will generally like themselves better when they are "nice," and express their feelings by being nice/in nice ways, whereas the IEI will generally like themselves better when they are completely open with their feelings, and are nice incidentally. Also, I think that part of the way IEI/SLE duality works is that the IEI doesn't act on enough of his impulses, and the SLE acts on too many of her impulses and each admires the other for seeming to naturally possess qualities that they need to apply in their own lives. (Also, I would never tell an SLE that she acted on too many of her impulses, 'cause that'd probably piss her off. It sounds really moralizing. But I was too lazy to come up with a better way to say that).
    Yeah, they can actually be really domineering. But it's domineering in a way which I happen to agree with, so I gladly go along. If we don't agree it will mean we just splinter away from eachother
    aaaaaaa
    INTp

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    Yes absolutely, Im wondering if this is type related? I thought it had to do with Fi demonstrative, but Im not so sure. Maybe its just a Feeler thing.

    Anyway, this is how I feel: I feel like I have to say the right thing. I also generally pick up what level people want me to interact with them on, the things to say, and feel a general pull to do or say those things. A definite pull to saying things diplomatically as opposed to straight forward bluntness. It might have to do with being unhealthy but I feel like there are some things I just cant share with most people, my raw thoughts being one of them. I dont want to hurt people, and I get a sense that people are really fragile emotionally. As much as I logicize how you should not care about how people think about you etc, alot of times it doesnt matter. Its not logic that pulls me towards that, its feelings in my body. Like sometimes when I say something a little too blunt I get this feeling in my chest that tells me I need to go into repair mode. Its really annoying. It comes in for the stupidest things sometimes.

    It might have something to do with being around people who have Fi values all the time. Anyway, it makes me miserable. One of the worst feelings for me is to feel stifled, to feel like my expression is limited or unappreciated or not allowed to come out. That said, sometimes I do overestimate the impact of certain things I say, being particularly cautious when I shouldnt be.

    Thing is, Im really aware that people want you to be a certain way, and if you deviate from that they will experience some sort of discomfort or disappointment. That coupled with being able to control that image gravitates me towards it. It would be an entirely different matter if I had no control over it; a gift and a curse in many ways.


    I really like mercutio's advice, and SLE philosophy in general. Its a freeing way of thinking. He is absolutely right in saying that is is ultimately for our benefit; all the seeming nobility of it or whatever comes right back to you. Well, most of the time anyway. There are people who I dont like who it probably wouldnt be in my benefit to be nice to, but I feel it wouldnt be appropriate to go there with them; that might have to do with maturity. I just feel that its better to move on or ignore them than go down to certain people's level. A piece of advice I usually give back is that I think there is a degree of superficiality involved in social relations, very few people are 100 percent real upon first meeting. I dont think thats a bad or good thing, its just how things are and taking that into account and maybe even vibing with it a little would be of benefit. Its when you start doing it to where you feel you compromise your identity that shit starts hitting the fan, as probably alot of Fe ego types are prone to do.

    When Im healthier mentally, physically, and emotionally I do a complete 180. Less healthy, I have to watch what I say because I feel more negativity is present. Generally the more healthy I am the more leeway I have to ease my mind from micromanaging, as theres a better vibe naturally and better thoughts.

    Haha, I hadnt really thought about how much energy Fe takes for me until now. Whenever I do any form of physical excercise or tire myself out in anyway, I mean really exhaust myself, my Fi shortcircuits, and my Fe control diminishes. I become alot more charismatic, engaging, etc. Social interaction becomes much easier(cuz I lose all sense of caring); generally my impact becomes alot stronger. However the subtleties arent there, and I have less control over whether the impact is one that repels or attracts. It brings me to a raw state, so how I naturally feel or think during that time is the overarching factor, as opposed to how I normally function where it matters but not to near such an extent. I can still create the image or have the dynamics be a certain way while feeling like poopy.
    Last edited by thePirate; 03-10-2010 at 05:55 PM.
    <Crispy> what subt doesnt understand is that a healthy reaction to "FUCK YOU" is and not

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    Quote Originally Posted by thePirate View Post
    Haha, I hadnt really thought about how much energy Fe takes for me until now. Whenever I do any form of physical excercise or tire myself out in anyway, I mean really exhaust myself, my Fi shortcircuits, and my Fe control diminishes. I become alot more charismatic, engaging, etc. Social interaction becomes much easier(cuz I lose all sense of caring); generally my impact becomes alot stronger. However the subtleties arent there, and I have less control over whether the impact is one that repels or attracts. It brings me to a raw state, so how I naturally feel or think during that time is the overarching factor, as opposed to how I normally function where it matters but not to near such an extent. I can still create the image or have the dynamics be a certain way while feeling like poopy.
    I'm going to respond to the rest of this post later ('cause I'm late for class), but I had to mention that this bit was one of those OMG all IEIs are exactly the same as me moments, because I know exactly what you're talking about and have experienced the exact same thing on numerous occasions. I have to just stop hanging out with my Fi friends when that happens, or just not care and annoy them.
    Not a rule, just a trend.

    IEI. Probably Fe subtype. Pretty sure I'm E4, sexual instinctual type, fairly confident that I'm a 3 wing now, so: IEI-Fe E4w3 sx/so. Considering 3w4 now, but pretty sure that 4 fits the best.

    Yes 'a ma'am that's pretty music...

    I am grateful for the mystery of the soul, because without it, there could be no contemplation, except of the mysteries of divinity, which are far more dangerous to get wrong.

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    Yes without some SeTi support your ass is grass.

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    In the end we're all being hella repressed in our own special way

    Even SLEs, believe it or not, remarkable creatures they be, to have been blessed with the magical ability to deal with things by not thinking about them, simply marvelous, and who'd have thought it'd work so well?
    INFp-Ni

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    I sometimes feel that, life's like a river, and my thoughts are like rocks in the water. so, the water is floating and it never stops, my little boat hits those rocks only sometimes, and then i can take that rock to my boat, look at it for as long as not too much rocks are in my boat, and it is still in the boat. I mean, I cannot control it, my mind just goes somethere, and I usually leave with nothing, which means I'm bored and lonely. duh
    Last edited by Linas; 04-06-2010 at 12:03 PM. Reason: "'m"

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    Its hard to make generalizations on this kind of level about INFps. I know Im an isolationist. When I am out in the world I get anxious because Im trying to satisfy a ton of conditions. I think that comes from change aversion. So I avoid going out.. Instead I stay on here. The world is an anxious place to be. Thats my experience.
    Quote Originally Posted by VixenDogFox View Post
    Not to derail your thread, but an aside that will mean nothing to many: I think it's really sad that "hella" is being used everywhere now, even in New York. It came from Sacramento. It is a horribly retarded slang word. That's all.
    Yeah I dont think anyone cares..

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    I don't think that this sort of thing is type-related, but it comes from the belief that you "should" be "nice". And when you catch yourself not being "nice", then you're flooded with "guilt" (the feeling that you did something wrong), because again, you "should" be "nice". So the real question is, does this "niceness" come from a genuine feeling of wanting to be nice, or is it a counterfeit emotion (or even absence of it) based on the dictates of the "shoulds"? I think that "responding in the way they want me to respond" is a troubling action, because you are not consulting your real feelings, but rather it's a strategic necessity of sorts, a sort of inner compulsion rather than spontaneity of genuine feelings. You can't possibly feel free without feeling shackled in some ways by acting this way.
    Last edited by Singu; 03-08-2011 at 01:14 PM.

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    IEIs, Are You Repressed?
    Sometimes, yes. That's why & from others comes in handy. Here's an example:

    Quote Originally Posted by mercutio View Post
    Fuck you.

    Why do you do that?

    Just break out of it.



    The difference between being real and fake.



    You should do things you never do. Be free. Be whole. Be complete.


    Quote Originally Posted by jughead View Post
    Yes without some SeTi support your ass is grass.
    Quote Originally Posted by jxrtes View Post
    betas should be kept in zoos for children to stare and throw pop corn at.

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    Quote Originally Posted by VixenDogFox View Post
    Not to derail your thread, but an aside that will mean nothing to many: I think it's really sad that "hella" is being used everywhere now, even in New York. It came from Sacramento. It is a horribly retarded slang word. That's all.
    LOL I had a friend from Sacramento who used to always use that word. It was annoying, but he used it so much that I found it slipping out of my mouth on occasion... yeah... you know my friends weren't having that.
    Quote Originally Posted by jxrtes View Post
    betas should be kept in zoos for children to stare and throw pop corn at.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Singularity View Post
    I don't think that this sort of thing is type-related, but it comes from the belief that you "should" be "nice". And when you catch yourself not being "nice", then you're flooded with "guilt" (the feeling that you did something wrong), because again, you "should" be "nice". So the real question is, does this "niceness" come from a genuine feeling of wanting to be nice, or is it a counterfeit emotion (or even absence of it) based on the dictates of the "shoulds"? I think that "responding in the way they want me to respond" is a troubling action, because you are not consulting your real feelings, but rather it's a strategic necessity of sorts, a sort of inner compulsion rather than spontaneity of genuine feelings. You can't possibly feel free without feeling shackled in some ways by acting this way.
    I get this guilt all the time. When I started hanging out with SLEs more I adopted their approach to socialising - I stopped being nice for the hell of it, and was only nice when I felt the urge to. I stopped asking acquaintances how their weekend was just to be polite, and from that I freed up time to talk to people I genuinely cared about, and could listen to their problems in greater depth. I do feel a lot more "liberated", but I sometimes wonder if I'm coming across as a terrible person to everyone but the few people I care about. I mean, I used to be on friendly terms with just about everyone, but now it feels odd to simply talk to people in the lift. On the other hand, I am having more rewarding friendships. Maybe there's a happy medium between SLE and IEI socialising styles and I've gone too far onto the other side...
    Quote Originally Posted by Agee The Great View Post
    Nobody here...besides me, seems to know what SLE is except for maybe Maritsa.

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    Quote Originally Posted by silverchris9 View Post
    Or is it just me?

    I find myself spending so much time being "nice" to people and responding in the way they want me to respond--and I can always get the vibe of how people want me to respond in a given situation, or if they have a negative reaction to something I'm doing, even if they don't express it openly--that I generally feel hella repressed (in the conventional sense of the word, not the technical psychoanalytical sense).

    Also, for some somewhat associated socionics, I think that one of the best ways to tell an EII from an IEI is that the EII will generally like themselves better when they are "nice," and express their feelings by being nice/in nice ways, whereas the IEI will generally like themselves better when they are completely open with their feelings, and are nice incidentally. Also, I think that part of the way IEI/SLE duality works is that the IEI doesn't act on enough of his impulses, and the SLE acts on too many of her impulses and each admires the other for seeming to naturally possess qualities that they need to apply in their own lives.
    I think you're right with all of this. Also, sounds very much like Se suggestive function.

    And:
    Quote Originally Posted by silverchris9 View Post
    (Also, I would never tell an SLE that she acted on too many of her impulses, 'cause that'd probably piss her off. It sounds really moralizing. But I was too lazy to come up with a better way to say that).
    I hate getting lectured for being impulsive... especially when it's just because I care... and am protective. Or maybe acted incorrectly because I wasn't given all the facts first, or knew what people were trying to do.....

    Quote Originally Posted by octopuslove View Post
    I get this guilt all the time. When I started hanging out with SLEs more I adopted their approach to socialising - I stopped being nice for the hell of it, and was only nice when I felt the urge to. I stopped asking acquaintances how their weekend was just to be polite, and from that I freed up time to talk to people I genuinely cared about, and could listen to their problems in greater depth. I do feel a lot more "liberated", but I sometimes wonder if I'm coming across as a terrible person to everyone but the few people I care about. I mean, I used to be on friendly terms with just about everyone, but now it feels odd to simply talk to people in the lift. On the other hand, I am having more rewarding friendships. Maybe there's a happy medium between SLE and IEI socialising styles and I've gone too far onto the other side...
    I think in general, both SLEs and IEIs dislike small talk, and enjoy getting to the real issues of things. But we appreciate small talk as a way of 'testing' the waters, seeing how someone's feeling, before we get into anything more serious.

    And nothing wrong with keeping a smaller circle of friends whom you can open up to better/help more, as opposed to trying to help more people, but help each person less.

    I think Beta is the most expressive quadra. We value up-front honesty, emotionality, even tearing into people when angry, with a regrettable urge to destroy others.

    Going back to what silverchris9 said a year ago when he started this thread: I think IEIs are on the side of keeping things in, to avoid hurting others, while SLEs are more on the side of letting things out, to avoid it eating and hurting themselves. I know I appreciate IEIs for helping balance me out. It's a delicate line, being both tactful and yet openly honest. But once you find that medium, I believe you can be happier.

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    Going back to what silverchris9 said a year ago when he started this thread: I think IEIs are on the side of keeping things in, to avoid hurting others, while SLEs are more on the side of letting things out, to avoid it eating and hurting themselves. I know I appreciate IEIs for helping balance me out. It's a delicate line, being both tactful and yet openly honest. But once you find that medium, I believe you can be happier.
    agreed.

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    Quote Originally Posted by octopuslove View Post
    I get this guilt all the time. When I started hanging out with SLEs more I adopted their approach to socialising - I stopped being nice for the hell of it, and was only nice when I felt the urge to. I stopped asking acquaintances how their weekend was just to be polite, and from that I freed up time to talk to people I genuinely cared about, and could listen to their problems in greater depth. I do feel a lot more "liberated", but I sometimes wonder if I'm coming across as a terrible person to everyone but the few people I care about. I mean, I used to be on friendly terms with just about everyone, but now it feels odd to simply talk to people in the lift. On the other hand, I am having more rewarding friendships. Maybe there's a happy medium between SLE and IEI socialising styles and I've gone too far onto the other side...
    It's weird here, cos there was just a natural disaster, and people actually ask how everyone else is going a lot.

    But it's easy to see a contrast to normal times, when people don't really ask how other people are doing that much, unless they know them well etc.

    That said I used to ask how strangers were doing quite often when I was younger...

    It's hard to continously be friendly with everyone, unless there is some reason to be.

    And for instance, late at night, I used to often say hello to random people on the street because there were less people around, .. but some people get trapped in their own world, and don't really want to interact with strangers.

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    Quote Originally Posted by mercutio View Post
    It's hard to continously be friendly with everyone, unless there is some reason to be.
    Mmm yeah, it's draining.

    Quote Originally Posted by mercutio View Post
    And for instance, late at night, I used to often say hello to random people on the street because there were less people around, .. but some people get trapped in their own world, and don't really want to interact with strangers.
    Of the two strangers who talked to me late at night in the recent past, one muttered perverted stuff under his breath then tried to follow me home, and the other wouldn't stop trying to get my phone number. So I don't think it's just because people are trapped in their own world...
    Quote Originally Posted by Agee The Great View Post
    Nobody here...besides me, seems to know what SLE is except for maybe Maritsa.

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    Quote Originally Posted by octopuslove View Post
    I get this guilt all the time. When I started hanging out with SLEs more I adopted their approach to socialising - I stopped being nice for the hell of it, and was only nice when I felt the urge to. I stopped asking acquaintances how their weekend was just to be polite, and from that I freed up time to talk to people I genuinely cared about, and could listen to their problems in greater depth. I do feel a lot more "liberated", but I sometimes wonder if I'm coming across as a terrible person to everyone but the few people I care about. I mean, I used to be on friendly terms with just about everyone, but now it feels odd to simply talk to people in the lift. On the other hand, I am having more rewarding friendships. Maybe there's a happy medium between SLE and IEI socialising styles and I've gone too far onto the other side...
    Do you maybe think that you're being a bit too hard on yourself for not always being able to be "nice" all the time?

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    Yes, at times. My sense of humour is really rowdy and rough on the edges and self-deprecational, yet I always fear hurting others' feelings and end up keeping things in more than I kind of want to. Emotional expression - honest expression - is important to me, and I'm not that into social norms (although it could seem that way, because of my impersonally polite way of relating to people at times). But I follow them, as to not step on anyone else's values.

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    Quote Originally Posted by octopuslove View Post
    . . . I stopped being nice for the hell of it, and was only nice when I felt the urge to. I stopped asking acquaintances how their weekend was just to be polite, and from that I freed up time to talk to people I genuinely cared about, and could listen to their problems in greater depth. I do feel a lot more "liberated", but I sometimes wonder if I'm coming across as a terrible person to everyone but the few people I care about. I mean, I used to be on friendly terms with just about everyone, but now it feels odd to simply talk to people in the lift. On the other hand, I am having more rewarding friendships.
    hmm i think i need to try this

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    It is pretty liberating in a terrifying sort of way to just... express.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sir Knight View Post
    It is pretty liberating in a terrifying sort of way to just... express.
    Such an IEI thing to say, but so true.

    It is terrifying, but it's the good kind of terror.

    Free will (or the illusion of free will) and the ability to act how you see fit...it's really very scary when you think about it.

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    You're being rude merky, and you're not really helping anybody acting that way. Maybe you think you're giving him Se, (or whatever nonsense), but you're just objectively coming across as a douchebag.

    I do agree though maybe he's being too emo, but I mean the internet is for mouthing off and expressing yourself. There's a way to help correct him though without attacking him or calling him names. That's not really appropriate.

    Anyways there's a difference between being compassionate and empathetic and being 'fake nice.' I have friends because my empathy is so high. And no, I don't try to be friends with everybody, but I know that you catch more flies with sugar than meanness, or whatever. Don't be nice in a boring way though I mean that really is just retarded you know? Don't be afraid to argue/debate with people or state your own opinion. Even if they don't like to hear it, maybe they need the reality check. But most people like kindness and cooperation, so it's not being 'nice' that's really the problem, it's being 'nice' in a boring victim-y way.
    Last edited by bnd; 03-11-2011 at 02:21 AM.

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    Btw this isn't type related to me. I express myself just fine to people, and I'm an IEI. My parents say I express myself a little too much lol =/

    You can 'express yourself' and still be kind though. You can 'keep it real' without sounding like a prick.

    Y'all are so weird and neurotic lol.

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    Quote Originally Posted by BulletsAndDoves View Post
    You're being rude merky, and you're not really helping anybody acting that way. Maybe you think you're giving him Se, (or whatever nonsense), but you're just objectively coming across as a douchebag.

    I do agree though maybe he's being too emo, but I mean the internet is for mouthing off and expressing yourself. There's a way to help correct him though without attacking him or calling him names. That's not really appropriate.

    Anyways there's a difference between being compassionate and empathetic and being 'fake nice.' I have friends because my empathy is so high. And no, I don't try to be friends with everybody, but I know that you catch more flies with sugar than meanness, or whatever. Don't be nice in a boring way though I mean that really is just retarded you know? Don't be afraid to argue/debate with people or state your own opinion. Even if they don't like to hear it, maybe they need the reality check. But most people like kindness and cooperation, so it's not being 'nice' that's really the problem, it's being 'nice' in a boring victim-y way.

    I don't know what you're talking about.

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    Quote Originally Posted by limNol View Post
    Such an IEI thing to say, but so true.

    It is terrifying, but it's the good kind of terror.

    Free will (or the illusion of free will) and the ability to act how you see fit...it's really very scary when you think about it.
    Isn't it though? Testing the boundaries and seeing how far one can push someone is so enlivening when before one was so content to just bow one's head and sulk.
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    Quote Originally Posted by mercutio View Post
    I don't know what you're talking about.
    I think he was talking about earlier in the thread, what you said to silverchris

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    Quote Originally Posted by BulletsAndDoves View Post
    But most people like kindness and cooperation, so it's not being 'nice' that's really the problem, it's being 'nice' in a boring victim-y way.
    But sometimes even being a baseline level of "nice" takes effort. Like, if I'm in the lift with my headphones on, and I'm in the middle of a really good song, and someone I'm on moderate terms on walks in... I feel like I ought to take off my headphones and ask them how their day is, even though I'd really rather not. The old me would definitely take off her headphones and make useless chit-chat, but these days I'm more likely to smile vaguely in their direction then look away, in a "I don't hate you, but I'm not in a talking mood" way that would probably be perceived as quite rude.

    Quote Originally Posted by Singularity View Post
    Do you maybe think that you're being a bit too hard on yourself for not always being able to be "nice" all the time?
    Maybe, but I feel like if I largely ignore someone and only talk to them when I need to, then they'll feel like I'm using them or something. People start drifting away... but I guess it's equally their fault, that's a reassuring thought

    Quote Originally Posted by glamourama View Post
    hmm i think i need to try this
    If you're used to being nice all the time, it's definitely different! I don't know how sustainable it is though...
    Quote Originally Posted by Agee The Great View Post
    Nobody here...besides me, seems to know what SLE is except for maybe Maritsa.

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    Quote Originally Posted by octopuslove View Post
    Maybe, but I feel like if I largely ignore someone and only talk to them when I need to, then they'll feel like I'm using them or something. People start drifting away... but I guess it's equally their fault, that's a reassuring thought
    I'd say that if they start drifting away, it's best just to let them head out to sea. If they were drifting away from you in the first place, then just how worthy were they of being held on to, right? Just... imagine your friendships like a bonsai tree and prune away all the unnecessary stuff until all you have left is that beautiful, strong tree-let.








    Man, I love it when a metaphor just works.
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    not a bumblebee octo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sir Knight View Post
    I'd say that if they start drifting away, it's best just to let them head out to sea. If they were drifting away from you in the first place, then just how worthy were they of being held on to, right? Just... imagine your friendships like a bonsai tree and prune away all the unnecessary stuff until all you have left is that beautiful, strong tree-let.








    Man, I love it when a metaphor just works.
    Hahaha. I like bonsais. My bf and I recently bought a bonsai "child" together, but it got diseased and died when we went on holidays and got someone else to look after it. (A slightly less comforting metaphor. )
    Quote Originally Posted by Agee The Great View Post
    Nobody here...besides me, seems to know what SLE is except for maybe Maritsa.

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    Quote Originally Posted by octopuslove View Post
    Hahaha. I like bonsais. My bf and I recently bought a bonsai "child" together, but it got diseased and died when we went on holidays and got someone else to look after it. (A slightly less comforting metaphor. )

    I guess... don't let other people choose who you hang out with? OR don't leave your social life? Or... Huh. I'm stumped.






    ...that's a tree pun.
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