View Poll Results: Would you rather end up with:

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  • a good person who's not quite right for you--not a great connection

    4 15.38%
  • a person of questionable character who is your dual--great connection

    14 53.85%
  • either one, I'm not picky

    1 3.85%
  • I'd rather be alone, thankyouverymuch

    7 26.92%
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Thread: Relationship POLL:

  1. #1
    redbaron's Avatar
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    Default Relationship POLL:

    Would you rather end up with a good person who's not right for you (i.e. you misunderstand each other even though they want to work things out but it often results in frustration) OR a dual who's kind of a jerk (wandering eyes, as a tendency to be selfish and inconsiderate) but with whom you get along really well and have a connection with?
    IEI-Fe 4w3

  2. #2
    redbaron's Avatar
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    I was also wondering if the jerk were dualized, if he may become less of a jerk. On the other hand, the good guy, without his dual, might become less of a good guy over time, given the frustrations inherent in the relationship. But that is pure speculation.
    IEI-Fe 4w3

  3. #3

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    wandering eyes, as a tendency to be selfish and inconsiderate
    I hate to say it, but I think I AM this person... so, um...B...actually...we'll cancel each other out...

    I had A. It didn't work.
    IEE

  4. #4
    Darn Socks Director Abbie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by redbaron View Post
    I was also wondering if the jerk were dualized, if he may become less of a jerk. On the other hand, the good guy, without his dual, might become less of a good guy over time, given the frustrations inherent in the relationship. But that is pure speculation.
    The dual may become less of a jerk, and the good guy would make more of a consious effort to connect. Personally, I associate godliness with the latter, so I chose that one.

    ESTj
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  5. #5
    koldj's Avatar
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    Tbh even a dual won't be a guaranteed match if he/she isn't on a simmilar intelectual level as you. Not to mention some physical attraction and some simmilar goals.

    So no, I'd rather be with a smart, nice and caring person with whom I have something in common. And above all - if we love each other.

    I mean - come on. The concept of duality cannot even compare to love if there is no love in the duality.

  6. #6
    redbaron's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by koldj View Post
    Tbh even a dual won't be a guaranteed match if he/she isn't on a simmilar intelectual level as you. Not to mention some physical attraction and some simmilar goals.

    So no, I'd rather be with a smart, nice and caring person with whom I have something in common. And above all - if we love each other.

    I mean - come on. The concept of duality cannot even compare to love if there is no love in the duality.
    well the question was assuming an equal physical attraction and other interests/goals.
    IEI-Fe 4w3

  7. #7
    redbaron's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by glamourama View Post
    i think i'd rather be alone.
    smart girl.
    IEI-Fe 4w3

  8. #8
    Creepy-male

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    I'd rather the latter*, but I think I'm more likely to wind up in the former. Realistically, aren't most people like this?

    *At last in fiction, I tend to find even the really obviously antisocial ILEs really charming :x I actually started watching Star Trek: TNG because of http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Q_(Star_Trek); provided I'm not a target for malice, I think I could survive.

    From wikipedia:

    Several psychological models have been proposed to explain the process of a relationship breakup. One theory, by L. Lee,[1] proposes that there are five stages leading ultimately up to a breakup:

    1) Dissatisfaction — one or both partners grow dissatisfied with the relationship.
    2) Exposure — both partners mutually become aware of the problems in the relationship.
    3) Negotiation — both partners attempt to negotiate a solution to said problems.
    4) Resolution and transformation — both partners apply the yield of their negotiation.
    5) Termination — proposed resolution fails to rectify issues and no further solutions are accepted or applied.
    In the case of the former option, I could see #5 being reached very slowly (if at all?), and I sort of wonder if Exposure is the real stumbling block, and the point at which people can wind up in unhappy or unfulfilling relationships precisely because they avoid airing their dissatisfaction or the perceived problems, ironically because they don't want things to end. That, and the worse and worse things get, the more your confidence gets hurt, or the more you get stuck thinking of the good stuff, and the more you cling to a sinking relationship (lolpuns!) Disclaimer: this is obviously just a model, and I'm thinking along the model's terms in this paragraph.

    Anyway, this is 4/10 speculation, since I can't call on many examples. Just throwing some low-quality thoughts out there.

  9. #9
    redbaron's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coolanzon View Post
    I sort of wonder if Exposure is the real stumbling block, and the point at which people can wind up in unhappy or unfulfilling relationships precisely because they avoid airing their dissatisfaction or the perceived problems, ironically because they don't want things to end. That, and the worse and worse things get, the more your confidence gets hurt, or the more you get stuck thinking of the good stuff, and the more you cling to a sinking relationship (lolpuns!) Disclaimer: this is obviously just a model, and I'm thinking along the model's terms in this paragraph.

    Anyway, this is 4/10 speculation, since I can't call on many examples. Just throwing some low-quality thoughts out there.
    I also think that stages 1 through 5 can keep happening over and over again, all the while becoming more aware of the dissatisfaction as various things are tried to rectify the problems. Another take on this is that one person sees problems that the other doesn't see. So you can have one person giving up while the other one is trying to solve problems. Eh, there can be an infinite variety depending on the individuals.

    all of that to say that even when two good people (or, maybe there is no such thing as "good" people....) are involved, there can be major differences and dissatisfactions, regardless of intentions. I almost think you might have a better chance with your dual, even if they're selfish, pig-headed or whatever. Maybe my categories are bad though. Everyone's selfish in their own way. Everyone has issues, even if they look like "good" people on the outside. So forget this thread!

    but ultimately, glam's got the right idea. (said while sitting in front of my cozy fire, alone, with a cup of tea, watching the Olympics!! )
    IEI-Fe 4w3

  10. #10
    I had words here once, but I didn't feed them Khola's Avatar
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    The dual, without question.
    Hello, my name is Bee. Pleased to meet you .



  11. #11
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    Alone. I think I'm the best version of myself when I'm alone.

  12. #12
    not a bumblebee octo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by redbaron View Post
    I was also wondering if the jerk were dualized, if he may become less of a jerk. On the other hand, the good guy, without his dual, might become less of a good guy over time, given the frustrations inherent in the relationship. But that is pure speculation.
    I agree with this, and I think I'd be optimistic and hold out for this happening, for a while at least, so option 2. But I've never been in this kind of situation so I really don't know...
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    Nobody here...besides me, seems to know what SLE is except for maybe Maritsa.

  13. #13
    Snomunegot munenori2's Avatar
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    I've done the whole cool person you don't mesh with that well and I wouldn't do it again. I'd probably give an ILE who was a total bitch a shot for a while, but yeah, I'm pretty picky these days. Being on your own isn't so bad, most of the time.
    Moonlight will fall
    Winter will end
    Harvest will come
    Your heart will mend

  14. #14
    Creepy-Pied Piper

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    Removed at User Request

  15. #15
    07490's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by redbaron View Post
    I was also wondering if the jerk were dualized, if he may become less of a jerk. On the other hand, the good guy, without his dual, might become less of a good guy over time, given the frustrations inherent in the relationship. But that is pure speculation.
    Hey to be honest, I think we become more of a jerk to others when we dualized and spend many hours with our duals, it's like we isolated a way to live, and other ways of living becomes more foreign, and we are less accepting towards it.
    (D)IEE~FI-(C)SLE~Ni E-5w4(Sp/Sx)/7w8(So/Sp)/9w1(sp/sx)

    Quote Originally Posted by Jarno View Post
    1)
    A girl who I want to date, asks me: well first tell me how tall you are?
    My reply: well I will answer that, if you first tell me how much you weigh!

    2)
    A girl I was dating said she was oh so great at sex etc, but she didn't do blowjobs.
    My reply: Oh I'm really romantic etc, I just will never take you out to dinner.

  16. #16
    wants to be a writer. silverchris9's Avatar
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    Obviously, there's a threshold either way (I wouldn't be with a conflictor for long no matter how nice she was, and I wouldn't date an SLE who was an axe murderer, for instance), but if I have to say the scale tips one way or the other, practically, it's probably the nice person (because of social judgment, my family/cultural background, etc.), but ideally, it's the dual. Because everyone's going to have faults, but duals are going to have the faults that piss you off the least, and the benefits that you like the best. And, hell, I'm not a bed of roses either, so between the two of us, we could just be sort of jerk-ish together. Hopefully time or dualization would improve both of us, but I feel like with a dual you'd have a core of mutual something that you could keep coming back to, whereas while you can have that with other types, it's (usually) not built on something that occurs on as deep of a level as socionics type.
    Not a rule, just a trend.

    IEI. Probably Fe subtype. Pretty sure I'm E4, sexual instinctual type, fairly confident that I'm a 3 wing now, so: IEI-Fe E4w3 sx/so. Considering 3w4 now, but pretty sure that 4 fits the best.

    Yes 'a ma'am that's pretty music...

    I am grateful for the mystery of the soul, because without it, there could be no contemplation, except of the mysteries of divinity, which are far more dangerous to get wrong.

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