View Poll Results: Do you want your SO to love you so much they feel they could not live without you?

Voters
28. You may not vote on this poll
  • Yes

    9 32.14%
  • No

    19 67.86%
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 40 of 64

Thread: "I love you" or "I love you and I cannot live without you"

  1. #1
    AngelMaybe's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Posts
    26
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default "I love you." or "I love you and I cannot live without you."

    This thread got me thinking http://www.the16types.info/vbulletin...ly-work-2.html about things. Do you want or need someone to actually need you like in a "I cannot live without you way?" Is this related to socionics, maybe quadra?

  2. #2
    Darn Socks Director Abbie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    Southwest USA
    TIM
    LSE
    Posts
    6,724
    Mentioned
    237 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    "Don't marry the person you think you can live with. Marry the person you think you can't live without."
    -James Dobson

    ESTj
    1w2 sp/so 1-2-6
    Brilliand's Younger Sister
    Squishy's Older Sister

    Johari Nohari

    Quote Originally Posted by Ritella View Post
    Over here, we'll put up with (almost) all of your crap. You just have to use the secret phrase: "I don't value it. It's related to <insert random element here>, which is not in my quadra."
    Quote Originally Posted by Aquagraph View Post
    Abbie is so boring and rigid it's awesome instead of boring and rigid. She seems so practical and down-to-the-ground.

  3. #3
    AngelMaybe's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Posts
    26
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Oops I thought I made the poll public but it looks like I forgot, is there any way to change this please?

    I am looking forward to seeing people's responses

  4. #4
    wants to be a writer. silverchris9's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    New York
    Posts
    3,107
    Mentioned
    14 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Sure, in idealistic romance world, yes. But in real life? I don't want to be that dependent on a person. I mean, if we naturally grow that close, and we are that intertwined (as if I have that level of trust for anybody), then that would just be... fact. I don't think my attitude would really be positive or negative about it. We'd be a unit. That would be fine.

    Now, to psychoanalyze a bit, I may be downplaying how much I care about this precisely because it is something that I want so intensely (Enneagram 4 sx/so), but I think it's not something I'd ever strive for or expect in a relationship (except subconsciously). I do suspect that it would be a perennial source of a kind of background radiation of comfort, though, if I were so close to somebody else that we sort of merge or combine (anybody, really; our paradigm for closeness is the romantic relationship, but I don't care what form the intimacy takes; although I do admit that sexual intimacy, as an external manifestation, makes it a lot easier to achieve psychological intimacy, intimacy of the spirit-mind-nous-psyche). But then that person (or I) would be sure to die (and which one died depends on which one is the protagonist of the story; which one is Augustine, Tennyson, Achilles, Montaigne, Orpheus).
    Not a rule, just a trend.

    IEI. Probably Fe subtype. Pretty sure I'm E4, sexual instinctual type, fairly confident that I'm a 3 wing now, so: IEI-Fe E4w3 sx/so. Considering 3w4 now, but pretty sure that 4 fits the best.

    Yes 'a ma'am that's pretty music...

    I am grateful for the mystery of the soul, because without it, there could be no contemplation, except of the mysteries of divinity, which are far more dangerous to get wrong.

  5. #5
    UDP's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    East Coast West Coast Dirty South
    TIM
    LSE
    Posts
    14,826
    Mentioned
    33 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    How about

    "I really like you, and I think we'll do together in the long term. You're kind of cute, too, and I see us being able to have a mutually fulfilling life together. Yeah, I think you're someone I'd like to be with, be good to, and invest romantic feelings and strong emotions with. I see us going down the same life path, and I see you as being a good life partner for me - and I think I'd be good for you, too. I'd like to love you - how do you feel about me? I'm up for giving this [love] a go..."

    It's flowery in its form there, but, something like that seems a lot more applicable than me saying just "I love you" or "I can't live with out you".
    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

  6. #6
    UDP's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    East Coast West Coast Dirty South
    TIM
    LSE
    Posts
    14,826
    Mentioned
    33 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by AngelMaybe View Post
    This thread got me thinking http://www.the16types.info/vbulletin...ly-work-2.html about things. Do you want or need someone to actually need you like in a "I cannot live without you way?" Is this related to socionics, maybe quadra?
    It kind of smacks of beta's Ni+Fe, because, there is focus on passionate feelings, almost 'overpowering feelings', which is kind of a common theme in betas that I've seen.

    In think overall the more pragmatic approach that I said in my previous post here is somewhat "better" (I don't think feelings in and of themselves are important), but, I don't think it excludes how betas would go about things per se.
    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

  7. #7
    wants to be a writer. silverchris9's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    New York
    Posts
    3,107
    Mentioned
    14 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Ryu View Post
    "I really like you, and I think we'll do together in the long term. You're kind of cute, too, and I see us being able to have a mutually fulfilling life together. Yeah, I think you're someone I'd like to be with, be good to, and invest romantic feelings and strong emotions with. I see us going down the same life path, and I see you as being a good life partner for me - and I think I'd be good for you, too. I'd like to love you - how do you feel about me? I'm up for giving this [love] a go..."
    LOL. There are so many quotes of epic comedy in this post, especially "invest" as a verb for "romantic feelings and strong emotions." Would you seriously like that formal of a declaration of... romantic interest? And/or do you seriously expect someone to appreciate that formal of a declaration (I'm not being facetious here; I suppose it's possible that an EII would find it cute, and it's not as if SLEs don't also occasionally make interpersonal moves that some might find ridiculous).

    On a serious tip, have you investigated the possibility that your distaste for Fe has more to do with a distaste for a certain romantic thing? I was just thinking that it's not impossible that you actually are a Ti/Fe valuer but you just have a thing (possibly not socionics-related) against a certain way of expressing romantic feelings. I just say that because the whole dry, practical romance thing is, to me, the lynchpin for my agreeing with your LSE self-typing, but then it occurred to me that there are so many factors that go into one's attitude towards romance that have nothing to do with socionics... Not that I'm seriously questioning your type; I just know that others here do and they might have good reasons. I myself do not atm.

    But yes, "I cannot live without you" in the conventional, external sense is vaguely beta, insofar as betas want passion and drama in their relationships, but I dunno, I find that nowadays most of those "I can't live without you" feelings are fabricated by one party (as in Madame Bovary) and indulged by the other. It's like people want to feel that passionate so they sort of make themselves feel that passionate without having a real grounding in the respective parties serving positive psychological and practical functions for each other. I think that most of the time when people say "I can't live without you" it has more to do with the feelings that they have attached to their partner (with various degrees of intentionality) rather than feelings their partner has inspired in them, if that makes sense, and as such they could actually very well feel the same way about another person if they made the same "investment" of feeling (darn it, that term isn't as ridiculous as I thought).
    Not a rule, just a trend.

    IEI. Probably Fe subtype. Pretty sure I'm E4, sexual instinctual type, fairly confident that I'm a 3 wing now, so: IEI-Fe E4w3 sx/so. Considering 3w4 now, but pretty sure that 4 fits the best.

    Yes 'a ma'am that's pretty music...

    I am grateful for the mystery of the soul, because without it, there could be no contemplation, except of the mysteries of divinity, which are far more dangerous to get wrong.

  8. #8
    redbaron's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Posts
    9,321
    Mentioned
    16 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    I think it's not type related and I think it's distasteful to say to someone that you can't live without them. First of all, it's untrue. Obviously. But it also puts a lot of pressure on that person to live up to some ideal. To make them somehow responsible for your happiness? I just think that's too much. You may not WANT to live without someone, but you can. And to tell them that you can't just comes across as needy.
    IEI-Fe 4w3

  9. #9
    UDP's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    East Coast West Coast Dirty South
    TIM
    LSE
    Posts
    14,826
    Mentioned
    33 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by silverchris9 View Post
    LOL. There are so many quotes of epic comedy in this post, especially "invest" as a verb for "romantic feelings and strong emotions." Would you seriously like that formal of a declaration of... romantic interest? And/or do you seriously expect someone to appreciate that formal of a declaration (I'm not being facetious here; I suppose it's possible that an EII would find it cute, and it's not as if SLEs don't also occasionally make interpersonal moves that some might find ridiculous).
    Uhh, that's not what I'd actually say to someone, but that's what I'd be thinking - and if we're both on the same page about that, it would be a lot more important than someone saying to me "I can't live without you". I was addressing thought processes, not how to be romantic with your words.
    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

  10. #10
    UDP's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    East Coast West Coast Dirty South
    TIM
    LSE
    Posts
    14,826
    Mentioned
    33 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by silverchris9 View Post
    On a serious tip, have you investigated the possibility that your distaste for Fe has more to do with a distaste for a certain romantic thing?
    I think I'm actually very passionate and romantic... but I'm guessing some of what you said was in regard to you think I'd walk up to someone and say what I said in that exact same language - that it was how I'd "declare" things.
    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

  11. #11
    redbaron's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Posts
    9,321
    Mentioned
    16 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Director Abbie View Post
    "Don't marry the person you think you can live with. Marry the person you think you can't live without."
    -James Dobson
    I think what he probably was getting at here was more like "don't underestimate the importance of who you choose to marry". Not that you literally think you can't live without them.
    IEI-Fe 4w3

  12. #12
    Hot Message FDG's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    Freiburg im Breisgau
    TIM
    ENTj
    Posts
    15,632
    Mentioned
    157 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    No way. What if I die in a car accident? Why would I want the other person to suicide?

    Obviously, it'd be different if such a sentence was used as a literary constuct. In that case "live" might mean "feeling alive" rather than simply "possessing a working metabolism along with a self-replicating DNA". I would somewhat appreciate this attitude, however it's still a tricky sentence. Perhaps I would like something akin to "You make me feel alive".
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

  13. #13
    wants to be a writer. silverchris9's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    New York
    Posts
    3,107
    Mentioned
    14 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by FDG View Post
    No way. What if I die in a car accident? Why would I want the other person to suicide?
    You would if you were Emma Bovary.
    Not a rule, just a trend.

    IEI. Probably Fe subtype. Pretty sure I'm E4, sexual instinctual type, fairly confident that I'm a 3 wing now, so: IEI-Fe E4w3 sx/so. Considering 3w4 now, but pretty sure that 4 fits the best.

    Yes 'a ma'am that's pretty music...

    I am grateful for the mystery of the soul, because without it, there could be no contemplation, except of the mysteries of divinity, which are far more dangerous to get wrong.

  14. #14
    Slippery when wet Simon Ssmall's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    ✈ ↺
    Posts
    2,231
    Mentioned
    14 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by redbaron View Post
    I think it's not type related and I think it's distasteful to say to someone that you can't live without them. First of all, it's untrue. Obviously. But it also puts a lot of pressure on that person to live up to some ideal. To make them somehow responsible for your happiness? I just think that's too much. You may not WANT to live without someone, but you can. And to tell them that you can't just comes across as needy.
    +1
    Looking for an Archnemesis. Willing applicants contact via PM.

    ENFp - Fi 7w6 sp/sx
    The Ineffable IEI
    The Einstein ENTp

    johari nohari
    http://www.mypersonality.info/ssmall/

  15. #15
    Let's fly now Gilly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    TIM
    3w4 sx/so
    Posts
    24,757
    Mentioned
    91 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    I dunno, I think I would potentially want to hear that from someone. To me, intimacy is nothing without total and complete merging; I wouldn't want them to mean, literally, that they would kill themselves if I died, but the sentiment is rather beautiful if it is heartfelt, I think. It just speaks to a level of combined commitment and fulfillment, having found something that is really worth it; when you find something good, you don't want to let go.

  16. #16
    redbaron's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Posts
    9,321
    Mentioned
    16 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly View Post
    I dunno, I think I would potentially want to hear that from someone. To me, intimacy is nothing without total and complete merging; I wouldn't want them to mean, literally, that they would kill themselves if I died, but the sentiment is rather beautiful if it is heartfelt, I think. It just speaks to a level of combined commitment and fulfillment, having found something that is really worth it; when you find something good, you don't want to let go.
    sx-first I guess.
    IEI-Fe 4w3

  17. #17
    Let's fly now Gilly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    TIM
    3w4 sx/so
    Posts
    24,757
    Mentioned
    91 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    You think Mimosa isn't? o.o;

    I think it's actually sx/so in particular; we basically have the least sense of the self as being something defined by borders between the self and others; sx/so's have the least resistance, and the most impetus, to merging and become totally one with something beyond physical contingency. sx/sp merging consists of grinding gears and worlds colliding; sx/so merging is the empty being filled by the whole and dispersing into the great single explosion. Or something.

  18. #18
    redbaron's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Posts
    9,321
    Mentioned
    16 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly View Post
    You think Mimosa isn't? o.o;

    I think it's actually sx/so in particular; we basically have the least sense of the self as being something defined by borders between the self and others; sx/so's have the least resistance, and the most impetus, to merging and become totally one with something beyond physical contingency.
    yeah that makes sense about the sx/so.
    Last edited by redbaron; 02-27-2010 at 03:51 PM.
    IEI-Fe 4w3

  19. #19
    Joy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    TIM
    SEE-Se
    Posts
    24,501
    Mentioned
    58 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Director Abbie View Post
    "Don't marry the person you think you can live with. Marry the person you think you can't live without."
    -James Dobson
    Dobson seriously said that? Weird. You'd think a psychologist would know better than that.

    Quote Originally Posted by AngelMaybe View Post
    Oops I thought I made the poll public but it looks like I forgot, is there any way to change this please?

    I am looking forward to seeing people's responses
    Mine was no. I don't want to be in a relationship that there's no way out of. It's like business: always have an exit strategy.
    SEE-Se, 852 sx/so

    Check out my Socionics group! https://www.facebook.com/groups/1546362349012193/

  20. #20

    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Posts
    1,276
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    I don't know how to answer this, because I don't really need to hear anything from my partner to know that they care about me. If it's the right relationship, I'd know it without them saying anything, or maybe just saying "I love you."

    Are you using the phrase literally? I can't imagine saying it to anyone, but if I were to marry someone, that person would be my best friend and essentially someone I "can't live without." And I would want him to marry me because he wants me in his life, not because I'm "good enough" and he's tired of looking.

    What is that line from Sleepless in Seattle when she dumps her fiancee..? I think he says, "Marriage is hard enough without bringing such low expectations into it." Exactly.

    But I'm not taking that phrase to its ultimate neurotic conclusion like I'm a codependent person. Of course my life would go on if they left me, died, whatever. I'd probably marry again eventually.
    IEE

  21. #21
    ILE - ENTp 1981slater's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    Spain
    TIM
    ILE (ENTp)
    Posts
    4,866
    Mentioned
    15 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    BTW, "marriage" and "living with" are not the same thing
    ILE "Searcher"
    Socionics: ENTp
    DCNH: Dominant --> perhaps Normalizing
    Enneagram: 7w6 "Enthusiast"
    MBTI: ENTJ "Field Marshall" or ENTP "Inventor"
    Astrological sign: Aquarius

    To learn, read. To know, write. To master, teach.

  22. #22
    ILE - ENTp 1981slater's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    Spain
    TIM
    ILE (ENTp)
    Posts
    4,866
    Mentioned
    15 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    There is a motto in Spain (or elsewhere):

    "You don't love whom you want to love, but whom you can't help loving"
    ILE "Searcher"
    Socionics: ENTp
    DCNH: Dominant --> perhaps Normalizing
    Enneagram: 7w6 "Enthusiast"
    MBTI: ENTJ "Field Marshall" or ENTP "Inventor"
    Astrological sign: Aquarius

    To learn, read. To know, write. To master, teach.

  23. #23
    Joy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    TIM
    SEE-Se
    Posts
    24,501
    Mentioned
    58 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by 1981slater View Post
    There is a motto in Spain (or elsewhere):

    "You don't love whom you want to love, but whom you can't help loving"
    SEE-Se, 852 sx/so

    Check out my Socionics group! https://www.facebook.com/groups/1546362349012193/

  24. #24
    ILE - ENTp 1981slater's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    Spain
    TIM
    ILE (ENTp)
    Posts
    4,866
    Mentioned
    15 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Joy View Post
    Proverbs are so accurate...and painful
    ILE "Searcher"
    Socionics: ENTp
    DCNH: Dominant --> perhaps Normalizing
    Enneagram: 7w6 "Enthusiast"
    MBTI: ENTJ "Field Marshall" or ENTP "Inventor"
    Astrological sign: Aquarius

    To learn, read. To know, write. To master, teach.

  25. #25

    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Posts
    1,276
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    "You don't love whom you want to love, but whom you can't help loving"
    I feel this way about duality.
    IEE

  26. #26
    expired Lotus's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    TIM
    Se/Ni sx/sp
    Posts
    4,494
    Mentioned
    99 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by FDG View Post
    Obviously, it'd be different if such a sentence was used as a literary constuct. In that case "live" might mean "feeling alive" rather than simply "possessing a working metabolism along with a self-replicating DNA". I would somewhat appreciate this attitude, however it's still a tricky sentence. Perhaps I would like something akin to "You make me feel alive".
    yeah, this.

    someone deciding that they cannot and will not live without you is pretty scary/fucked up. it's not romantic, it's selfish and burdensome. it degrades life. every fight becomes this overdramatic thing, where say you want to pursue something else, you're indirectly causing someone to off themself.

    i mean it's cool to be passionate in general, but when someone's only passion is me, i just get sick of them. how am i supposed to be excited with you when your only excitement is me? it's like some incestuous romance, only doomed to burn out in the end. like i'll always show people i care about new things, crave new experiences with them, etc. and i would want the same in return. otherwise they're just some emotional parasite, feeding off my passions and it's annoying as fuck.


    edit:
    Quote Originally Posted by Joy View Post
    Mine was no. I don't want to be in a relationship that there's no way out of. It's like business: always have an exit strategy.
    although i said no as well, your mentality for it is just gross lol. like wtf, no it is NOT like a business you cold bitch ahaha
    maybe a saint is just a dead prick with a good publicist
    maybe tommorow's statues are insecure without their foes
    go ask the frog what the scorpion knows

  27. #27
    ILE - ENTp 1981slater's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    Spain
    TIM
    ILE (ENTp)
    Posts
    4,866
    Mentioned
    15 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Allie View Post
    yeah, this.

    someone deciding that they cannot and will not live without you is pretty scary/fucked up. it's not romantic, it's selfish and burdensome. it degrades life. every fight becomes this overdramatic thing, where say you want to pursue something else, you're indirectly causing someone to off themself.

    i mean it's cool to be passionate in general, but when someone's only passion is me, i just get sick of them. how am i supposed to be excited with you when your only excitement is me? it's like some incestuous romance, only doomed to burn out in the end. like i'll always show people i care about new things, crave new experiences with them, etc. and i would want the same in return. otherwise they're just some emotional parasite, feeding off my passions and it's annoying as fuck.


    edit:

    although i said no as well, your mentality for it is just gross lol. like wtf, no it is NOT like a business you cold bitch ahaha
    Some people are obssessed with their partners, with sports, computers, tv, drugs or with eating until his/her ass explodes. Scary
    ILE "Searcher"
    Socionics: ENTp
    DCNH: Dominant --> perhaps Normalizing
    Enneagram: 7w6 "Enthusiast"
    MBTI: ENTJ "Field Marshall" or ENTP "Inventor"
    Astrological sign: Aquarius

    To learn, read. To know, write. To master, teach.

  28. #28
    Joy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    TIM
    SEE-Se
    Posts
    24,501
    Mentioned
    58 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Allie View Post
    although i said no as well, your mentality for it is just gross lol. like wtf, no it is NOT like a business you cold bitch ahaha
    Yeah, I know. And I wouldn't say that's my overall view. I guess I'm just feeling a bit cynical atm.
    SEE-Se, 852 sx/so

    Check out my Socionics group! https://www.facebook.com/groups/1546362349012193/

  29. #29
    redbaron's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Posts
    9,321
    Mentioned
    16 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Diana View Post
    Why go in if you're already looking for a way out? I'd much rather not be in a relationship at all than enter one I was already thinking about leaving. As for the question, If I ever decide to get involved with anyone again, it'll be because I really want to, because I want to be with him, not a "oh, this'll do, good enough" kind of thing. But, "I can't live without you" is too much, there's too much losing of self in that, an overdependency.
    yes.
    IEI-Fe 4w3

  30. #30
    Joy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    TIM
    SEE-Se
    Posts
    24,501
    Mentioned
    58 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Diana View Post
    I like that. You can't really mean that Joy, can you? Why go in if you're already looking for a way out? I'd much rather not be in a relationship at all than enter one I was already thinking about leaving.
    No, I don't really mean that.
    SEE-Se, 852 sx/so

    Check out my Socionics group! https://www.facebook.com/groups/1546362349012193/

  31. #31
    The Looks stanprollyright's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Location
    In your pants
    TIM
    IEE-Ne cp 6w7 sx/so
    Posts
    555
    Mentioned
    2 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    The statement can come off as needy if spoken too soon, but there comes a certain point in a relationship when a level of codependency is a good thing. It takes some vulnerability to tell someone you rely on them that much, and you can't have a relationship without vulnerability. I've said this to people and I would like it to be said to me sometime, because I want to feel needed, I want to know that I've had enough positive impact on my SO's life that she feels she can't have it any other way. Of course I would never want someone to kill herself because of a lack of me. But at the end of the day love is simply an emotion you feel; it's temporary. Expressing how you feel in terms of necessity speaks more towards a long-term commitment than just a simple "I love you."
    Stan is not my real name.

  32. #32
    Joy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    TIM
    SEE-Se
    Posts
    24,501
    Mentioned
    58 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    That's not what codependency means. That's more like interdependency or something.
    SEE-Se, 852 sx/so

    Check out my Socionics group! https://www.facebook.com/groups/1546362349012193/

  33. #33
    anou's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Posts
    82
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    "I love you and I cannot live without you."
    I think it`s not only about if someone says that but also why. Maybe one wants to show the intense of his or her love by exaggerating. like a sort of visualization or something. Some people may see it being a lie, because everyone is able to survive without a loved person. Others may not, because it is the ebullient but true feeling of the moment. (Truth seems relative sometimes )
    This expression seems kind of dramatic. Therefore I can imagine some types having a stronger tendence doing that or appreciating it than others. And maybe there is a tendence related to type feeling a "pressure" caused of that or not!?

    When I read this sentence the first time it sounded unhealthy to me. It`s an extreme situation but If there is a constant feeling of inability living without someone there could exist some "emotional" dependence/addiction to a person (sorry my english is not the best). The intention of this sentence would be pressure, probably out of fear of being left by the partner.. It`s really sad. It`s like a mutual dependence, because in this case the sentence "I can`t live without you" is something like a means of might . There could develope something like mutual dependence, because the other person starts feeling responsible for one`s life and happiness in an extreme way. This kind of pressure seems a bit like wielding power on one`s conscience in order to make the other person to care or not to leave or something.
    I don`t think "emotional dependence" to someone is type related.

    I think it`s not so much about the sentence itself but what it represents.
    These two possibilities are extreme but they are the once ones being in my mind at the moment. I`m not very imaginative, there are much more...


    On a serious tip, have you investigated the possibility that your distaste for Fe has more to do with a distaste for a certain romantic thing? I was just thinking that it's not impossible that you actually are a Ti/Fe valuer but you just have a thing (possibly not socionics-related) against a certain way of expressing romantic feelings. I just say that because the whole dry, practical romance thing is, to me, the lynchpin for my agreeing with your LSE self-typing, but then it occurred to me that there are so many factors that go into one's attitude towards romance that have nothing to do with socionics... Not that I'm seriously questioning your type; I just know that others here do and they might have good reasons. I myself do not atm.
    This is really interesting Silverchris9, because in a way it expresses an impression I receive in this forum.

  34. #34
    The Looks stanprollyright's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Location
    In your pants
    TIM
    IEE-Ne cp 6w7 sx/so
    Posts
    555
    Mentioned
    2 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Joy View Post
    That's not what codependency means. That's more like interdependency or something.
    It was early in the morning :redface: Interdependency is correct.
    Stan is not my real name.

  35. #35
    The Looks stanprollyright's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Location
    In your pants
    TIM
    IEE-Ne cp 6w7 sx/so
    Posts
    555
    Mentioned
    2 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Sasha View Post
    I don`t think "emotional dependence" to someone is type related.
    I disagree. I think it has a lot to do with position of Fi.
    Stan is not my real name.

  36. #36
    redbaron's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Posts
    9,321
    Mentioned
    16 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by stanprollyright View Post
    I disagree. I think it has a lot to do with position of Fi.
    really? So like Fi polr would be less dependent, for example?
    IEI-Fe 4w3

  37. #37
    The Looks stanprollyright's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Location
    In your pants
    TIM
    IEE-Ne cp 6w7 sx/so
    Posts
    555
    Mentioned
    2 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Absolutely. Can you imagine a single SLE saying he can't live without someone?

    Just look at who supports the phrase in this thread vs. who doesn't. It seems like a most of the Fi-valuers support the sentiment, and Fe-valuers are the ones who think it's unhealthily dependent.

    This might also have to do with Se and the need to be independent...which brings me to think it might also be related to romance styles. It seems like Infantiles especially would develop such dependency.

    Anyway, it's not too much of a stretch to think this issue is type related, considering most of the people who voted "yes" are delta.
    Stan is not my real name.

  38. #38
    redbaron's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Posts
    9,321
    Mentioned
    16 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by stanprollyright View Post
    Absolutely. Can you imagine a single SLE saying he can't live without someone?

    Just look at who supports the phrase in this thread vs. who doesn't. It seems like a most of the Fi-valuers support the sentiment, and Fe-valuers are the ones who think it's unhealthily dependent.

    This might also have to do with Se and the need to be independent...which brings me to think it might also be related to romance styles. It seems like Infantiles especially would develop such dependency.

    Anyway, it's not too much of a stretch to think this issue is type related, considering most of the people who voted "yes" are delta.
    yeah I can buy that. I'm very independent. Even though I don't have much Se on my own, I do value it. Anyway, I think you're, um, prollyright. hehe
    IEI-Fe 4w3

  39. #39
    The Looks stanprollyright's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Location
    In your pants
    TIM
    IEE-Ne cp 6w7 sx/so
    Posts
    555
    Mentioned
    2 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by redbaron View Post
    yeah I can buy that. I'm very independent. Even though I don't have much Se on my own, I do value it. Anyway, I think you're, um, prollyright. hehe


    Yeah, I'm not very independent (Infantile, Fi-type), and I have actually said that to someone.
    Stan is not my real name.

  40. #40
    redbaron's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Posts
    9,321
    Mentioned
    16 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by stanprollyright View Post


    Yeah, I'm not very independent (Infantile, Fi-type), and I have actually said that to someone.
    but wait! you're infantile but if you're NeTi, that makes you Fi polr, yes?
    IEI-Fe 4w3

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •