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Thread: Duality being put to the test

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    Default Duality being put to the test

    SLI guy appears to have just entered a relationship with a probable non-IEE.

    Let's see if duality prevails. I think I've gotten over the shock and devastation of it. But now, i'm immensely curious how this is going to play out.
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    do you know her type? I've seen ISTps in relationships w/ INTps, ESFjs, and INFps that seemed pretty happy. I'm sorry to hear it didn't work out for you and the SLI though, but it only means someone better for you is waiting!

    My personal opinion...I mean, duality is great if everything is great. But in my experience, if there are other relationship problems there (like let's say they're just a mean person, or don't care about your feelings, or they rob banks etc), but someone of another type is nice and cares about your feelings...well the sum total might be that non-duality could be better (from my perspective). Wow, can't believe I'd EVER write that! I used to be very die hard duality, but I guess my mind is changing.

    Now, from the ISTp perspective I've seen they often don't really analzye their relationships and almost seem to fall into them instead of carefully thinking through their choice the way us IEEs do. Someone they like who makes it easy for them will probably happen the fastest, which I guess is why ENFjs seem to date SLIs -- really any extrovert or outgoing introvert who makes their feelings known seems to get them. It seems they're almost lazy about it, and whoever makes it easiest seems to end up w/ them. I guess that could kinda be said for anyone though regardless of type. who knows...rambling here.
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    Quote Originally Posted by WorkaholicsAnon View Post
    SLI guy appears to have just entered a relationship with a probable non-IEE.

    Let's see if duality prevails. I think I've gotten over the shock and devastation of it. But now, i'm immensely curious how this is going to play out.
    He's a fool!
    ISTp
    SLI

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    Quote Originally Posted by jewels View Post
    do you know her type? I've seen ISTps in relationships w/ INTps, ESFjs, and INFps that seemed pretty happy. I'm sorry to hear it didn't work out for you and the SLI though, but it only means someone better for you is waiting! !
    I don't know her in person--all I know about her is through whatever she's posted on facebook and her pictures. She is really into body piercings and apparently tattoos--her tongue is pierced. And she'll like post weird things to SLI's wall, like she recently said she hates his face and that he should put a towel down next time (obviously she doesn't feel that way if they're dating), and before when he asked her to comment on something semi-intelligent and funny actually, she replied with some nonsense that made it obvious she was wasted. She deleted that comment later.

    She also seems to be acting a bit Se-ego like, because she is making overt comments to make everyone know they are together, i.e. that he is hers. He, the eternal bachelor, took off his single status about a week ago, and almost immediately she "liked" that (as is possible to do on facebook)--this is actually how I figured out something was going on between them. I wouldn't be surprised if she made him take off that single status. The clincher was when she started making comments that obviously imply they are going to to be intimate .

    I don't know what type this is sounding like. Maybe beta quadra? Or maybe SEE?

    i know. . .i know this is making me look like a FB stalker. I dont care if it does. It's my only connection with him at this point.

    Quote Originally Posted by jewels View Post
    My personal opinion...I mean, duality is great if everything is great. But in my experience, if there are other relationship problems there (like let's say they're just a mean person, or don't care about your feelings, or they rob banks etc), but someone of another type is nice and cares about your feelings...well the sum total might be that non-duality could be better (from my perspective). Wow, can't believe I'd EVER write that! I used to be very die hard duality, but I guess my mind is changing.

    Now, from the ISTp perspective I've seen they often don't really analzye their relationships and almost seem to fall into them instead of carefully thinking through their choice the way us IEEs do. Someone they like who makes it easy for them will probably happen the fastest, which I guess is why ENFjs seem to date SLIs -- really any extrovert or outgoing introvert who makes their feelings known seems to get them. It seems they're almost lazy about it, and whoever makes it easiest seems to end up w/ them. I guess that could kinda be said for anyone though regardless of type. who knows...rambling here.
    Yeah, definitely I hear what you're saying. But he is a good guy. He's a little rough on the exterior and definitely has that Fe-POLR going on. I know him quite well from working with him closely, and it was his character that attracted me, even more than his sexy look (though many have told me they disagree with his being a good looker, so it might be duality doing that). And most importantly we WERE dualizing. I had to move away in the middle of it all :frown:. I definitely was pretty subtle about my attraction though before that (though the clues were there, and he did notice at least a couple of them, for sure). After I moved, I started hinting a bit more strongly and more directly in written form. But I guess it was too late.:frown:


    Quote Originally Posted by Cyrano View Post
    He's a fool!
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    well the chick sounds kinda trashy. Looks like he missed a great opportunity w/ you. But like attracts like, so maybe he is trashy on the inside. And you'll attract someone better

    No worries, I think we all FB stalk. At least I do! It's interesting from a Fi perspective.
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    We girls go through a bad boy stage, and they often go through a bad girl stage. (Well in the case of heterosexuality anyway.) It's probably that. She's a bad girl and therefore caught his eye. He wonders what sex is like with a girl who has lots of piercings and likes to get wasted. Eventually he'll probably figure out that piercings don't actually make someone better in bed, and lots of alcohol and drugs create unpleasant drama. How old is he?
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mariella View Post
    We girls go through a bad boy stage, and they often go through a bad girl stage. (Well in the case of heterosexuality anyway.) It's probably that. She's a bad girl and therefore caught his eye. He wonders what sex is like with a girl who has lots of piercings and likes to get wasted. Eventually he'll probably figure out that piercings don't actually make someone better in bed, and lots of alcohol and drugs create unpleasant drama. How old is he?
    He's 28, I'm 31. And I think you're probably right.
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    Quote Originally Posted by jewels View Post
    well the chick sounds kinda trashy. Looks like he missed a great opportunity w/ you. But like attracts like, so maybe he is trashy on the inside. And you'll attract someone better

    No worries, I think we all FB stalk. At least I do! It's interesting from a Fi perspective.
    OMG, you thought so too? Because she definitely comes across that way to me. I wasn't going to say it like that initially because i didn't know if you all would agree with me.

    And part of me does wonder, like you said, whether he just goes for the trashy sort (which I agree makes him trashy inside), in which case I wouldn't want him anyway. My gut feeling is that she was easy to come on to, so he took the path of least resistance (our favorite Si at work), sort of what you said earlier too.

    I totally agree about the Fi perspective on facebook. . .it's even interesting for me to look through other friends' profiles and see which of our mutual friends are close to whom, etc. Not because I would want it any other way, I just find it fascinating and curious. Now I also try to figure out their socionics types
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    duality isn't being put to the test...

    THOSE TWO ARE BEING PUT TO THE TEST!@!@!!@!@@!!!!!!#231!@!
    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ryu View Post
    duality isn't being put to the test...

    THOSE TWO ARE BEING PUT TO THE TEST!@!@!!@!@@!!!!!!#231!@!
    touche', true enough!
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    Don't listen to Arctures' advices.

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    Quote Originally Posted by jewels View Post
    My personal opinion...I mean, duality is great if everything is great. But in my experience, if there are other relationship problems there (like let's say they're just a mean person, or don't care about your feelings, or they rob banks etc), but someone of another type is nice and cares about your feelings...well the sum total might be that non-duality could be better (from my perspective). Wow, can't believe I'd EVER write that! I used to be very die hard duality, but I guess my mind is changing.
    yeah, you're right Jewels. I mean, all things being equal, duality is the way to go but it's almost never the case that all other things are equal. Like proximity, opportunity, age, stage of life, maturity level, physical attraction or whatever all else. Intertype relations is only one piece of the larger puzzle that makes a relationship work.

    That said, I'm sorry. He's probably just intrigued by her bad-girlness, as slackermom pointed out.
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    Quote Originally Posted by WorkaholicsAnon View Post
    I don't know her in person--all I know about her is through whatever she's posted on facebook and her pictures. She is really into body piercings and apparently tattoos--her tongue is pierced. And she'll like post weird things to SLI's wall, like she recently said she hates his face and that he should put a towel down next time (obviously she doesn't feel that way if they're dating), and before when he asked her to comment on something semi-intelligent and funny actually, she replied with some nonsense that made it obvious she was wasted. She deleted that comment later.

    She also seems to be acting a bit Se-ego like, because she is making overt comments to make everyone know they are together, i.e. that he is hers. He, the eternal bachelor, took off his single status about a week ago, and almost immediately she "liked" that (as is possible to do on facebook)--this is actually how I figured out something was going on between them. I wouldn't be surprised if she made him take off that single status. The clincher was when she started making comments that obviously imply they are going to to be intimate .

    I don't know what type this is sounding like. Maybe beta quadra? Or maybe SEE?

    i know. . .i know this is making me look like a FB stalker. I dont care if it does. It's my only connection with him at this point.



    Yeah, definitely I hear what you're saying. But he is a good guy. He's a little rough on the exterior and definitely has that Fe-POLR going on. I know him quite well from working with him closely, and it was his character that attracted me, even more than his sexy look (though many have told me they disagree with his being a good looker, so it might be duality doing that). And most importantly we WERE dualizing. I had to move away in the middle of it all :frown:. I definitely was pretty subtle about my attraction though before that (though the clues were there, and he did notice at least a couple of them, for sure). After I moved, I started hinting a bit more strongly and more directly in written form. But I guess it was too late.:frown:




    I know!
    i just read that and it put the fear of god into me. i'm 31 with a 28 year old istp. if i saw something like that on facebook i would be devastated. were ye two actually going out or is it that you just liked him? i'm sorry i'm just new to this forum so i don't know your story.

    could there be a chance that he is doing it to make you jealous? i don't think my istp would want his personal business splattered all over facebook and so i suspect there might be another motive behind him being so open and letting the world know his business.

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    Breaking stereotypes Suz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by humblepie View Post
    i just read that and it put the fear of god into me. i'm 31 with a 28 year old istp. if i saw something like that on facebook i would be devastated. were ye two actually going out or is it that you just liked him? i'm sorry i'm just new to this forum so i don't know your story.

    could there be a chance that he is doing it to make you jealous? i don't think my istp would want his personal business splattered all over facebook and so i suspect there might be another motive behind him being so open and letting the world know his business.
    No we never got to the point of dating. Lots of body language and dualizing up until i moved away, and it was all heading that way for sure, with a couple missed opportunities which i will never forgive myself for not taking. Yeah i guess it could have been to make me jealous, but he started getting into this relationship just as i was trying to reach out some lines of communication to him after i moved.

    I also found it strange that he would be so open about this personal business, but i feel like there was some pressure from the girl, especially because of some of my comments on subtle things he'd changed on his profile (like taking down his single status).

    Oh, and i wrote that post about a week before he put up the announcement that he and that girl are "in a relationship." When he did that was when i sent him the confession of my feelings because i felt it was my last chance to let him know (and I felt that I shouldn't leave all of that history unsaid, at least so that he would know he wasn't just imagining things). After I sent the note, I defriended him. A couple reasons: i didn't want him to think i was trying to break them up, and it was just too painful for me to see his page and all the comments on it afterwards. Maybe that hurt his feelings, but I hope he understands.

    btw, I've determined the girl's type to be ILE, on discussion with Ashton. It was Se role, Fi-POLR, and Fe-HA at play. So, I guess he's with a semi-dual, not too bad. After much analysis of the situation, I guess they make a decent match for each other socially, as they like similar leisure sorts of things. and i feel like i need to find a more mature SLI. It's been about 6-7 months since that happened and I feel like I am in much better shape to accept someone else into my heart. Duality is a powerful thing.

    oh btw, if you want to read more details about what things were happening between him and me, there is a thread in the beta forum actually, entitled IEI-SLE where I wrote some long posts about the whole story (i'd mistyped myself and him when i first came upon socionics )
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