Results 1 to 24 of 24

Thread: Getting annoyed by beneficiary (benefit relations)

  1. #1
    aka Slacker Slacker's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    North Korea
    TIM
    IEE
    Posts
    8,819
    Mentioned
    24 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default Getting annoyed by beneficiary (benefit relations)

    I don't know if i spelled that right and I don't care.

    So tell me what you think is going on here.

    We as a family have become very concerned with where our food comes from, particularly related to animals. We have made a family decision to not purchase any meat or dairy products from factory farms. We found a local farm, very close by, where we can get these things where they are produced in a much more ethical and sustainable way. My husband and I discussed everything and have all the information we need.

    So my mom hears about it and decides to weigh in. She has her own information and wants to continually tell me how wrong I am. "Amish chicken is good enough." No, we specifically will only eat free range chicken. "That meat is too expensive." No, this is how much it costs to buy meat, eggs, cheese, etc. that is produced in an ethical and sustainable way, and we're willing to pay for that. This kind of thing, over and over. Although I kind of think she might be interested and might start buying stuff from there as well. Just a feeling.

    I am hugely annoyed by the continual input of her opinion, and I think it's because I'm getting my Te needs fulfilled by my husband, and now that my mom is trying to put her Te in the mix, it's not needed. What do you think is going on from a Socionics standpoint. I am IEE, my husband is SLI, my mom is LIE.
    It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
    -Mark Twain


    You can't wake a person who is pretending to be asleep.

  2. #2
    ILE - ENTp 1981slater's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    Spain
    TIM
    ILE (ENTp)
    Posts
    4,866
    Mentioned
    15 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default x

    EIEs disturb me because of massive use of Fe.
    I disturb LSEs when I give them too much Ne.
    ILE "Searcher"
    Socionics: ENTp
    DCNH: Dominant --> perhaps Normalizing
    Enneagram: 7w6 "Enthusiast"
    MBTI: ENTJ "Field Marshall" or ENTP "Inventor"
    Astrological sign: Aquarius

    To learn, read. To know, write. To master, teach.

  3. #3
    Creepy-Cyclops

    Default

    Families are glorious beings. Just as well we're usually genetically programmed to dig them...

  4. #4
    Contrarian Traditionalist Krig the Viking's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Location
    Canada's Prairie Farmland
    TIM
    C-LII
    Posts
    2,647
    Mentioned
    7 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    I think Supervisees and Beneficiaries are most annoying when they have a (real or perceived) position of authority over us. "Why should I listen to you," we think, "when I know better than you?"
    Quaero Veritas.

  5. #5
    aka Slacker Slacker's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    North Korea
    TIM
    IEE
    Posts
    8,819
    Mentioned
    24 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Krig the Viking View Post
    I think Supervisees and Beneficiaries are most annoying when they have a (real or perceived) position of authority over us. "Why should I listen to you," we think, "when I know better than you?"
    I think you're right. I've often thought that we'd get along better if the benefactor/beneficiary thing were reversed.
    It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
    -Mark Twain


    You can't wake a person who is pretending to be asleep.

  6. #6
    I'm a Ti-Te! Skeptic's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    US
    TIM
    ILI
    Posts
    522
    Mentioned
    2 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    She may just be becoming old and senile .
    Regardless, you could agree with her and not follow through. Or you could get your husband to have a face off and convince her that there is a more reasonable way to do things, an explanation that a base would have to have first before revamping their ideas.
    As for the beneficiary/benefactor relationship, it would be different for each type, so there would not be any universal solution.

  7. #7
    Currently God Brilliand's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    Nevada
    TIM
    LII
    Posts
    4,246
    Mentioned
    4 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Recalling Labcoat's benefit-relation description... the base function input is lower quality than the creative function input. Your mom is offering knee-jerk reactions to counter your husband's more considered conclusions... these knee-jerk reactions aren't half bad, and she's capable of providing them every five seconds all day long, but they don't have quite the quality of what you've retained from your husband (that your husband can't provide every minute of every day, but you don't need that much).



    LII-Ne

    "Come to think of it, there are already a million monkeys on a million typewriters, and the Usenet is NOTHING like Shakespeare!"
    - Blair Houghton

    Johari

  8. #8
    Ti centric krieger's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Posts
    5,983
    Mentioned
    80 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Beneficiaries are always too sentimental and perfectionistic about the only thing we share their values with.

  9. #9
    Hiding Typhon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    Valhalla
    TIM
    Ni-ENFj
    Posts
    2,645
    Mentioned
    5 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    LIEs can be huge pains in the asses with no human sentiment fyi.


    Besides benefit and activation partners sometimes unwillingly destroy your efforts.

  10. #10
    Haikus
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    8,337
    Mentioned
    15 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Beneficiaries do typically come across as annoying. They try to assist you, and have something you like, but they pull it off in a really uncomfortable and annoying way, which ruins the core of what they have. You should always try to be on mutual terms though, or else the whole sequence of maintaining a decent relationship gets harder and more uncomfortable, but viable. To them, you're sort of a weak magnet. They glide along side you, and you have to brush them off. I try not to engage much with them, but they will be the ones to try to initiate, until you give into them. Communication is always difficult, and being on their "good side" can be hard to handle: They show me things and talk to me about things that I'm not interested in, and then critique me when I'm not being attentive enough to their dominant function.

  11. #11
    Joy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    TIM
    SEE-Se
    Posts
    24,501
    Mentioned
    58 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    I also find my beneficiary hugely annoying. I think it's probably pretty normal.
    SEE-Se, 852 sx/so

    Check out my Socionics group! https://www.facebook.com/groups/1546362349012193/

  12. #12
    Blaze's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Posts
    5,725
    Mentioned
    9 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    wow, really? i kinda like my beneficiary. they are usually hilarious.

    and my benefactor. very kind and supportive. their dual seeking is kind of weird to me, but not really annoying.

    ILE

    those who are easily shocked.....should be shocked more often

  13. #13
    Joy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    TIM
    SEE-Se
    Posts
    24,501
    Mentioned
    58 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    I sometimes find my beneficiary hilarious/enjoyable too, but it doesn't make up for their screwed up reasoning.
    SEE-Se, 852 sx/so

    Check out my Socionics group! https://www.facebook.com/groups/1546362349012193/

  14. #14
    Haikus Beautiful sky's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    EII land
    TIM
    EII INFj
    Posts
    22,740
    Mentioned
    531 Post(s)
    Tagged
    6 Thread(s)

    Default

    Mine would be ISFp; I love all types; I especially love how warm and creative, artsy and helpful they are.

  15. #15
    aka Slacker Slacker's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    North Korea
    TIM
    IEE
    Posts
    8,819
    Mentioned
    24 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Maritsa33 View Post
    Mine would be ISFp; I love all types; I especially love how warm and creative, artsy and helpful they are.
    Is that your beneficiary or your benefactor?
    It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
    -Mark Twain


    You can't wake a person who is pretending to be asleep.

  16. #16
    Haikus Beautiful sky's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    EII land
    TIM
    EII INFj
    Posts
    22,740
    Mentioned
    531 Post(s)
    Tagged
    6 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Slacker View Post
    Is that your beneficiary or your benefactor?
    I wish I had an S like yours

    ILI. i love them too. I just don't like suggestions with regards to Te. I want them to take care of Te, not me. I wanna do Fi.

  17. #17
    Banned
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    TIM
    LSE
    Posts
    18,006
    Mentioned
    162 Post(s)
    Tagged
    1 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Maritsa33 View Post
    Mine would be ISFp; I love all types; I especially love how warm and creative, artsy and helpful they are.
    Quote Originally Posted by Slacker View Post
    Is that your beneficiary or your benefactor?
    Quote Originally Posted by Maritsa33 View Post
    I wish I had an asS like yours
    You're not alone in this, Maritsa.

  18. #18
    Bam! Just like Emeril.
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Posts
    33
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    My dad is my beneficiary and its such a drain on my lifeforce. He always needs so much attention, otherwise he gets antsy and "cuts off contact" because he feels ignored (he also suffers from borderline personality disorder, which obviously complicates things). The unfortunate part is that he IS ignored. I like plenty, but all the damn time? And the incessant canned impersonal boring stories....ugh

    The Polr can also lead to some of my beneficiaries being ABSURDLY DISCOURTEOUS, but they have no clue and can't understand why I won't just be jovial with them.

    I've found that being in a relationship with an SEI has raised my standards for what I want from a friendship- duality makes you picky lol
    This is the place where I procrastinate on things Sig related.

    ILE

  19. #19
    Marie84's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Location
    Toronto, Canada
    TIM
    EII
    Posts
    2,359
    Mentioned
    4 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    I generally like SEI's and was best friends with one for about 3 years; they tend to have this "don't worry be happy" attitude towards things that can be comforting. The main problem I've had with them is a disconnect when things are not quite rosy... I like to air things out and look for some type of solution and they just can't help me there, and I'm sure it's off putting to them since they don't want to deal with the seriousness that's being projected on them.

    On the other end of benefit; I wrote about a relationship I had with an ILI once in the Gamma sub-forum a while back and it was basically about how she preferred to communicate via the Internet rather than in person and I pretty much enabled this for a while; I could see how my aversion to Se was at fault here and that I should have been more adamant in motivating her out of the situation rather than handling it passively.

    Quote Originally Posted by Krig the Viking View Post
    I think Supervisees and Beneficiaries are most annoying when they have a (real or perceived) position of authority over us. "Why should I listen to you," we think, "when I know better than you?"
    that's been my experience
    EII INFj
    Forum status: retired

  20. #20
    07490's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    there
    Posts
    3,047
    Mentioned
    5 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Over the long run i would have to say these relationships are the best for long term relationship, once it past a certain stage, if one and another gel romantically. Its behind duality, but they are better than supervision, activity, yes activity, and even mirror( mirror arent really built for romance if you want warmth in the realtionship).
    (D)IEE~FI-(C)SLE~Ni E-5w4(Sp/Sx)/7w8(So/Sp)/9w1(sp/sx)

    Quote Originally Posted by Jarno View Post
    1)
    A girl who I want to date, asks me: well first tell me how tall you are?
    My reply: well I will answer that, if you first tell me how much you weigh!

    2)
    A girl I was dating said she was oh so great at sex etc, but she didn't do blowjobs.
    My reply: Oh I'm really romantic etc, I just will never take you out to dinner.

  21. #21
    Haikus Beautiful sky's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    EII land
    TIM
    EII INFj
    Posts
    22,740
    Mentioned
    531 Post(s)
    Tagged
    6 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by VILEvenezuelan View Post
    My dad is my beneficiary and its such a drain on my lifeforce. He always needs so much attention, otherwise he gets antsy and "cuts off contact" because he feels ignored (he also suffers from borderline personality disorder, which obviously complicates things). The unfortunate part is that he IS ignored. I like plenty, but all the damn time? And the incessant canned impersonal boring stories....ugh

    The Polr can also lead to some of my beneficiaries being ABSURDLY DISCOURTEOUS, but they have no clue and can't understand why I won't just be jovial with them.

    I've found that being in a relationship with an SEI has raised my standards for what I want from a friendship- duality makes you picky lol

    AMEN!

  22. #22
    not gonna be around as much anymore
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    TIM
    C-IEE
    Posts
    1,258
    Mentioned
    3 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Maybe this will be a good example (no guarantees)...

    I used to ask my LIE dad for help with my math homework when I was in high school. Inevitably, these "tutoring sessions" always ended badly, with him throwing up his arms in frustration and me crying and running to my room.

    I would show him a single math problem, and ask him to help me solve it. I just wanted to see how it was done, so I could try to duplicate the process with the rest of the problems.

    He, however, had to take me back to the principle behind the problem, take the whole thing apart and walk me through a 1-hour process. Maybe it's really what it would take for me to understand the math, but I still didn't understand it, so I just saw the whole thing as pointless (this attitude probably contributed to my not understanding in the first place, creating a sort of mental roadblock to learning this math). I would beg my dad to just show me how to do the problem, and he would say, "I am showing you!"

    Oh, and the two LIE's I know (dad and brother-in-law) are so opinionated. It doesn't seem to matter how larger or small the issue is, they have an opinion on everything; and if they did not have an opinion previously, they will form one on the spot as well as they can with the information they have. Though, interestingly, they both claim to be very open-minded and willing to change their opinions; but if anyone expresses an opinion that they perceive as "wrong," they will call it immediately.
    My life's work (haha):
    http://www.the16types.info/vbulletin/blog.php?b=709
    Input, PLEASEAnd thank you

  23. #23
    2 EVIL I golden's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Location
    Several stories high
    TIM
    EIE prob 6
    Posts
    2,969
    Mentioned
    106 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    If the typings are correct, my father was my beneficiary, and he was very unhelpful to me as a parent.

    Aannd, my son would also be my beneficiary. In his case (1) I kind of have to manufacture what feels like, to me, fake Si. It's something I was long aware of doing, with no knowledge of Socionics. The other issue is that I see his interests and abilities differ from mine pretty strongly.

    For now, with him, I play up the positive aspects of Fe and try not to do the intense parts of Fe, and I can do the Ne/Ti worldview with him, which is fun. But I've thought for years that I will need to help him find adult mentors who are well positioned to help him with the stuff he will probably end up wanting to pursue (math, science, technical design of some kind?). It's something I talk to him about--there may very well be things you want to learn more about that are not the specialties of your parents, and we know that, and we will get you all the support and guidance you need.

    Maybe having parents who were not in a position to directly help me makes me more aware of these issues, dunno. Yes, it annoyed me--both at the time and in retrospect. But the annoyance hinges on them not having been aware of the dynamic, not on the dynamic itself.

  24. #24
    Haikus Beautiful sky's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    EII land
    TIM
    EII INFj
    Posts
    22,740
    Mentioned
    531 Post(s)
    Tagged
    6 Thread(s)

    Default

    Have you people noticed a pattern in some of your stories? That one of your parents is your beneficiary...could there be something to this genetically...*Maritsa goes to look at parents' types*

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •