IEE's and babies

[bobbybeam]

so, i am in a child psych class and lately the thought of babies has been on my mind whether i like it or not...for obvious reasons of course.

i have concluded for quite sometime that i do not want kids despite all of the things that one gets from having them (emotional, keep the blood line going, and so on)

some reasons:
i can't stay committed to anything for that long, i am all over the place in thoughts/emotions, i am inconsistent/hypocritical, i could not keep a consistent job especially when i hate it (it would kill me if i did it), and i look to the future and feel that what the "future holds" would not be a great place to raise a kid in....also, i would have to make the baby my whole life...perfectionistic (and this is an ideal, not usually an actual reality for most mothers)

i feel like this might be somewhat type related....yes/no, any thoughts?

[Galen]

It's probably more of an age-related issue than anything else. I personally don't want to think about kids because I'm far too young for that.

[tiny_dancer]

Don't know if it's type related or not. Myself, I don't really plan for those girly things. The thought of having a baby terrifies me... And it's not like I don't know how to take care of one - I've been around kids my entire life, and I've babysat plenty. In fact, that might be why I'm not all goopy about them.

But that being said, if I wound up pregnant, I'd keep the baby, and I'm sure I'd love it quite a lot.

I feel alienated from the female race at the moment because all my friends are obsessing over our group's first baby - it's all they talk about... Seriously, they're all planning to have them at the same time so they can all play together, and they're slowly coercing the non-conformers (i.e. reluctant husbands) into it as well... It's weird, and it creeps me out.

I think all this just depends on the person, though.

[jewels]

yeah I used to be freaked out at the idea, and am still not really to give up my freedom and settle down yet.

But I think I've accepted that I would never do it the way an ISTj or ISFj would. Things will not be color coded. Some things I would need help with, and other things could prob be made easier by setting up a faster system or something to keep track of things like appointments or food, etc. I wouldn't want to do things really slowly and waste the whole day, etc. I've seen some girls who seem to spend two hours just making a sandwich.

As long as I get myself into a good financial situation by then I think it'd be fine, as I could pay someone to help w/ things I suck at (like I might be really bad at helping w/ homework for instance, in subjects I was bad in during school! lol). Or, if you have a husband who is good at things you're bad at, that'd help.

But I think that your love for the child would overcome a lot, and even things you might not naturally be as good at, you'd probably suck up w/o even thinking about it for the child's benefit, and feel good about that. Just like when you do something out of the ordinary for a friend to help out and don't mind it, even though it might not be your favorite activity (us IEEs are good at things like that I'd say, and we do things we want to do well).

I mean, all types have limitations. Other types might not be as good w/ kids as far as understanding their emotions or seeing possibilities for the kid and encouraging them to explore, etc. So we all would have our positive and negative aspects with kids.

Tinydancer, and yes that's scary when girls get like that. It seems kinda manipulative to me, if the guys don't want kids. And seems like it would be a bad idea to force people into that...ick. Makes me wonder why they didn't just go w/ guys who were at the same point they were.

[jewels]

Of course some aspects aren't type related (just as in anything). But others are.

IEEs very often like to "keep options open" because of Ne and we like to not restrict our potential. So, obviously having a child is one of the most restrictive (to Ne) things you can do to your life.

It also opens Ne doors in other areas of course. But it can also lead to obligations, a more regimented schedule, etc.which IEEs often do not prefer naturally.

Of course, other things like how maternal or loving you are aren't type related of course.

[bobbybeam]

The thought of having a baby terrifies me... And it's not like I don't know how to take care of one - I've been around kids my entire life, and I've babysat plenty. In fact, that might be why I'm not all goopy about them.

But that being said, if I wound up pregnant, I'd keep the baby, and I'm sure I'd love it quite a lot.

I feel alienated from the female race at the moment because all my friends are obsessing over our group's first baby - it's all they talk about... Seriously, they're all planning to have them at the same time so they can all play together, and they're slowly coercing the non-conformers (i.e. reluctant husbands) into it as well... It's weird, and it creeps me out.

I think all this just depends on the person, though.

ah! me too! it's like, i feel bad for not wanting a baby since so many people consider them to be so precious. if my friends/girls at school/work don't have one already, they want one badly or in the near future.

i wonder if most people actually think about all of the possibilities before having a child, you know?
like for starters, you make them or break them.

i don't hate kids or anything, but i just don't know how women can talk about kids as much as they do. kids are just not that interesting to me, i mean, unless i am studying them, noting if there are any signs that could possibly link them to socionics in anyway (gradual obsession?)

Of course some aspects aren't type related (just as in anything). But others are.

IEEs very often like to "keep options open" because of Ne and we like to not restrict our potential. So, obviously having a child is one of the most restrictive (to Ne) things you can do to your life.

It also opens Ne doors in other areas of course. But it can also lead to obligations, a more regimented schedule, etc.which IEEs often do not prefer naturally.

Of course, other things like how maternal or loving you are aren't type related of course.

yes, all of these plus all of the negative possibilities that could inflict the child....and the commitment is life long-scary! i am not that reliable!

[jessica129]

I feel the same way...I'm 26 but i still feel too young to have babies. I'll go thru phases were it seems like a really great idea but then I start thinking how much of a commitment it is and all the other things that come along with having a kid. I don't know if i'll ever be ready and I don't know if I'll ever have one. It shouldn't be a 'sometimes i want one' sort of thing. I think I take it a lot more seriously than some women.

[UDP]

I know an IEE who wants to steal other people's babies and keep them for herself.

I know another who isn't that into them.

[bobbybeam]

I feel the same way...I'm 26 but i still feel too young to have babies. I'll go thru phases were it seems like a really great idea but then I start thinking how much of a commitment it is and all the other things that come along with having a kid. I don't know if i'll ever be ready and I don't know if I'll ever have one. It shouldn't be a 'sometimes i want one' sort of thing. I think I take it a lot more seriously than some women.

agreed

[redbaron]

heh. I wasn't into the idea of having babies/kids when I was younger, nor did I babysit much, and I'm not crazy about all children the way some women are. But I have three of my own and they're great. A lot of work at times but super interesting, there's always something new since they're growing and changing. They're people with their own opinions and questions about the world. It's actually really cool. When I had my twins I freaked out at the thought of them living with me for a full 18+ years. But they're already 10 so I'm more than half way there! lol Seriously though, kids are fun and you'll love your own even if you're not that interested in them now.

[redbaron]

My IEE mom adores babies. She's said she's always wanted to have children, even from a very young age. One of the main reasons for this is so she'd have somebody to take good care of her when she grew old... lol, go figure, with the Si dual seeking and all.

Anyway, she's always been a great loving mother.

I have an IEE mom too and she's exactly the same!

[Suz]

heh. I wasn't into the idea of having babies/kids when I was younger, nor did I babysit much, and I'm not crazy about all children the way some women are. But I have three of my own and they're great. A lot of work at times but super interesting, there's always something new since they're growing and changing. They're people with their own opinions and questions about the world. It's actually really cool. When I had my twins I freaked out at the thought of them living with me for a full 18+ years. But they're already 10 so I'm more than half way there! lol Seriously though, kids are fun and you'll love your own even if you're not that interested in them now.

redbaron u have twins??? i didn't know that!

[jessica129]

heh. I wasn't into the idea of having babies/kids when I was younger, nor did I babysit much, and I'm not crazy about all children the way some women are. But I have three of my own and they're great. A lot of work at times but super interesting, there's always something new since they're growing and changing. They're people with their own opinions and questions about the world. It's actually really cool. When I had my twins I freaked out at the thought of them living with me for a full 18+ years. But they're already 10 so I'm more than half way there! lol Seriously though, kids are fun and you'll love your own even if you're not that interested in them now.

That's cool.

I guess when it all comes down to it, nobody is ever really completely READY for a kid...no matter the amount of preparation that goes into it beforehand. I'm too selfish at the moment for one though. The discussion of trying for one has come up recently but I just can't do it. I think sometimes I could but...no. It's terrifying. The thought of something going wrong with the pregnancy or being a horrible mom or not knowing for sure if the person i'm with is the ideal person to have a kid with, etc.. too stressful. I really want to wait until i'm in my early thirties.

[07490]

When I had my twins I freaked out at the thought of them living with me for a full 18+ years. But they're already 10 so I'm more than half way there!

Why do we have kids? the first thing comes to mind is that they will take good care of you when you are old. To have someone of your own to take care of you. I have asked a lot of people who just feel to let their kids be independent after they are matured and ready to adapt to the world. And there are others who expect their kids to be by their side as a lifelong commitment. I don't feel it's necessary to have to pass down my genes in this world. A lot of people wants to have their legacy of their genes to survive, to extend the pedigree of life; almost like a history book recording every moment down on record, but in a human situation it's your DNA that is being kept alive and pass on.

Ultimately, as pessimistic as it sounds, I think life has more pain to endure than not, more bad than good, more suffering than happiness. I don't want to be responsible for allowing a life to have to endure it, and extending this misery onto them.

[munenori2]

I don't freak out and go all gooey over other people's kids, but if the woman I was with was hardcore against having children ever, it would be a deal breaker. Maybe I don't know what I want to do with my life exactly, but being a father is wedged in there somewhere. Worrying I can understand, same with the feeling tied down and committed, but somehow I think it'll all turn out all right or something.

[Suz]

I don't freak out and go all gooey over other people's kids, but if the woman I was with was hardcore against having children ever, it would be a deal breaker. Maybe I don't know what I want to do with my life exactly, but being a father is wedged in there somewhere. Worrying I can understand, same with the feeling tied down and committed, but somehow I think it'll all turn out all right or something.

Ditto to all of the above (with genders changed).

I guess the one period when I knew I couldn't handle having kids were the 13 years I was in school and in training (which I just finished). Too bad I couldn't multitask finding a soul mate either. That way we could have gotten started on the babies now.

[bobbybeam]

Why do we have kids? the first thing comes to mind is that they will take good care of you when you are old. To have someone of your own to take care of you. I have asked a lot of people who just feel to let their kids be independent after they are matured and ready to adapt to the world. And there are others who expect their kids to be by their side as a lifelong commitment. I don't feel it's necessary to have to pass down my genes in this world. A lot of people wants to have their legacy of their genes to survive, to extend the pedigree of life; almost like a history book recording every moment down on record, but in a human situation it's your DNA that is being kept alive and pass on.

Ultimately, as pessimistic as it sounds, I think life has more pain to endure than not, more bad than good, more suffering than happiness. I don't want to be responsible for allowing a life to have to endure it, and extending this misery onto them.

yes mam! too much pain, too many people, too many problems...i can't bear to watch a child's innocence be stripped away!

[redbaron]

I don't freak out and go all gooey over other people's kids, but if the woman I was with was hardcore against having children ever, it would be a deal breaker. Maybe I don't know what I want to do with my life exactly, but being a father is wedged in there somewhere. Worrying I can understand, same with the feeling tied down and committed, but somehow I think it'll all turn out all right or something.

awww, you are so SEI. (Is that you in your avatar?)

[redbaron]

redbaron u have twins??? i didn't know that!

yes! Twins plus one! They're within two years of each other so they play together all the time. Kinda like the three stooges.

[Slacker]

1. I never wanted kids until I met my husband.

BUT

2. If my husband had told me he refused to ever have children, I wouldn't have married him. The possibility of children had to exist. If he were unable, I'd be fine with adoption, but I would not have been able to sign up for a future with no potential for children.

That's actually related to why we had a second. I was OK with one so long as the potential to have a second was around, but as I got older and that potential was slipping away, I had to have another.

[munenori2]

awww, you are so SEI. (Is that you in your avatar?)

Yep, that's what happens when I get bored and have access to a digital camera.

[mikemex]

One of the teachings of Søren Kierkegaard is that commitment is the sole thing that gives life a meaning.

Those who refuse to take a commitment in life, such as devoting their lives to another human being, are doomed to wander aimlessly and seek superficial gratification as a mean to deal with their internal sense of emptiness.

[Park]

IEE's are babies

Fixed.

[Park]

If my husband had told me he refused to ever have children, I wouldn't have married him. The possibility of children had to exist. If he were unable, I'd be fine with adoption, but I would not have been able to sign up for a future with no potential for children.

That's actually related to why we had a second. I was OK with one so long as the potential to have a second was around, but as I got older and that potential was slipping away, I had to have another.

I my dual.

[redbaron]

Yep, that's what happens when I get bored and have access to a digital camera.

you are so cute!

[Minde]

My ENFp sister is currently on the fence about having children. She feels she's better with older kids, and I think she's concerned about being able to properly care for one. She doesn't want to close off the possibility, though, and seems to be planning so as to keep her options open.

I have a feeling that if/when she gets married she'll have at least one kid, maybe up to three.

[Lobo]

One of the teachings of Søren Kierkegaard is that commitment is the sole thing that gives life a meaning.

Those who refuse to take a commitment in life, such as devoting their lives to another human being, are doomed to wander aimlessly and seek superficial gratification as a mean to deal with their internal sense of emptiness.

To me it's the preservation of "humanity," as in way of being.

[UDP]

what are EIIs and babies like? ? ? ?

[jewels]

what are EIIs and babies like? ? ? ?

I had a EII friend who was a nanny and loooved babies. But I think she was shy about dating, so hadn't gotten to a point of being able to have her own.

I would imagine EIIs would be good at keeping the structure of the kids days together, and also giving lots of Fi and attention to the kids. I saw her w/ her "kids" once and she seemed to be able to more or less keep them in line too, while being nice about it.