Knowing what you want

[redbaron]

Is this type related? For example, my IEI, SEI and ESE kids had their IEI friend over for a sleepover. I kept hearing repeatedly my children asking the friend what she wanted to do. The friend clearly didn't care, didn't have any ideas, was happy to do whatever. I think my kids found it a little bit frustrating. They wanted her to have some clear idea of what she wanted to do and they spent a LOT of time trying to decide what to do next. ugh! Is this Se-related? Are they all needing Se as much as I do?? The ESE was the best at making the final decision, but it was clear that even she really wanted to be sure her guest was happy with the activity!

As another example, on a larger scale, knowing what you want to do in your life--is that function related? I've always felt with everything that I'm a floater, an indecisive feather being blown by the wind. That is, until I got some Se in my life through a couple of friends. And now I feel like a normal person!

[Brilliand]

Is this type related? For example, my IEI, SEI and ESE kids had their IEI friend over for a sleepover. I kept hearing repeatedly my children asking the friend what she wanted to do. The friend clearly didn't care, didn't have any ideas, was happy to do whatever. I think my kids found it a little bit frustrating. They wanted her to have some clear idea of what she wanted to do and they spent a LOT of time trying to decide what to do next. ugh! Is this Se-related? Are they all needing Se as much as I do?? The ESE was the best at making the final decision, but it was clear that even she really wanted to be sure her guest was happy with the activity!

I have at times related this to Pe, Strategic, Sensing and Feeling. Er... that's such a broad range that i haven't really said anything. Well OK, I've called ILIs especially indecisive.

I think, actually, everyone is this way, particularly when in a new situation that they didn't deliberately get themselves into. No one automatically has intentions - you have to come up with them, and then you have them for a while. Apparently the only goal your children and their friend had was to be in the same place overnight, and with that goal accomplished, they didn't know what to do next.

Faced with that situation, I would likely be the first to come up with something to do - because I resolved long ago that whenever faced with a "I dunno, what do you want to do?" situation, I would just pick something at random to break the stalemate. I would probably not have any actual preference for the thing that I chose to do - although if I were rebuffed at that point, I would probably be rather annoyed (and would express this as annoyance that they hadn't broken the stalemate themselves, though I'm not at all sure that that would be the real problem).

Backing down on my previous statements a bit... I suspect that a genuine EP (not just Pe creative) would have intentions immediately, on demand. (And thus I favor the Pe interpretation that I mentioned above.)

[redbaron]

Backing down on my previous statements a bit... I suspect that a genuine EP (not just Pe creative) would have intentions immediately, on demand. (And thus I favor the Pe interpretation that I mentioned above.)

My girls have another SLE friend who is VERY much like this. She always has ideas and pretty much insists that they all do what she wants. Which is a refreshing change around here for sure! I think the ESE gets annoyed with her insistence after awhile though.

[tiny_dancer]

As another example, on a larger scale, knowing what you want to do in your life--is that function related? I've always felt with everything that I'm a floater, an indecisive feather being blown by the wind.

Don't know. I know a lot of people of various types who are lost right now.

But I have the same feeling myself. It's really annoying.

[FDG]

I easily know what I want in big decisions, I'm a bit more indecisive in small everyday things. However, if I see that the other party is being truly indecisive (not just to be polite, but really has no preference), I don't have much trouble quickly deciding. There are some people (usually, Se-EP) that have much stronger decisivness than me, tho.

[JWC3]

Me and a fellow SLEs opinion on group activity;

I'm going to do what I want to do you can come if you want, if not no biggie.

On doing something that requires other people;

I want to do this... Your sick? I don't care, come on.
I want to do this... You have Home work? HURRY THE FUCK UP!

[redbaron]

Me and a fellow SLEs opinion on group activity;

I'm going to do what I want to do you can come if you want, if not no biggie.

On doing something that requires other people;

I want to do this... Your sick? I don't care, come on.
I want to do this... You have Home work? HURRY THE FUCK UP!

... which is so cool cause you don't feel like you're being a downer if you say no cause you know the SLE will still go and have fun. But also you always feel welcome and motivated to go along, knowing it'll be fun no matter what.

What about knowing what you want on a larger scale, Joe? Like goals in life?

[jewels]

I know pretty clearly what I want when it comes to my big picture goals. But took me years and years of questioning everything and reading all kinds of books to figure that out. Now I have the basic framework decided, with the details to end up however they end up.

But the daily decisions -- especially if I'm sleepy/hungry/distracted -- can be difficult. Like, I wonder if I should wear a sweater. Which kind of cereal should I get? Should I run that errand now? Or later? etc...

[silverchris9]

Is this type related? For example, my IEI, SEI and ESE kids had their IEI friend over for a sleepover. I kept hearing repeatedly my children asking the friend what she wanted to do. The friend clearly didn't care, didn't have any ideas, was happy to do whatever. I think my kids found it a little bit frustrating. They wanted her to have some clear idea of what she wanted to do and they spent a LOT of time trying to decide what to do next. ugh! Is this Se-related? Are they all needing Se as much as I do?? The ESE was the best at making the final decision, but it was clear that even she really wanted to be sure her guest was happy with the activity!

lol. I was always like this. ALWAYS. Like, to the point that my mom would ask me and my brother what we wanted to eat, and I had a standing answer of "friend mush" because I would never have any idea what I actually wanted, like ever. Ditto with the ideas of what I wanted to do in a given day, unless I had a very specific activity occupying my time (i.e., a video game or an appointment, like rehearsal), and even then, if it wasn't something I was obligated to do by someone else, I would sometimes be too lazy to roll out of bed and even get that started. It was pretty horrifying. That's a big part of why I got involved in activities where I was forced to be somewhere or I'd get in trouble, someone would be mad at me, etc. I need an external motivator of some kind to take much action besides reading books and writing poetry. The idea of Se as "volitional pressure" definitely applies to my experience of it, and I am definitely sensitive and receptive to it. Hopefully the threat of starvation and imminent poverty will be enough to motivate me when I have to live in the real world with a (ugh) job.

Anyway, agreed that Pe-leading types have some better idea of what they want to do, generally, although Se types are probably the most decisive, because Ne types may have the opposite problem as your kids (and me), that is, they may think of too many potential activities to do, and so end up doing none of them.

Both IEIs would probably respond well to Se, with something like "I'm doing x. You should too," but the SEI and the ESE would be much more likely to respond well to Ne, something like, "Well, I would enjoy doing x, or y, or z, or q, or..." and then one of them would presumably catch their fancy and they'd be like, "OK, let's see how we can do that." Although, from an IEI's perspective (sans socionics knowledge, of course), it would seem like all the kids need Se and an IEI (especially a dualized one) might try to provide it for them, only to alienate half the kids.

As another example, on a larger scale, knowing what you want to do in your life--is that function related? I've always felt with everything that I'm a floater, an indecisive feather being blown by the wind. That is, until I got some Se in my life through a couple of friends. And now I feel like a normal person!

Hmmm... this may be type related and it may not, but I've always had a very specific "big picture" goal at any given point in my life, and I often took steps towards that goal, especially if those steps could be executed while sitting at a computer or a piano. I always wanted to be a composer, or playwright, or a songwriter, or an actor, or a singer, or a wanted to go to this college, or that college, now I want to be a poet, and I want to go on tour with some sort of theater thing, and I want to go to a good grad school, etc., etc. I think it has to do with being 4w3 more than anything else (and receiving excessive amounts of praise as a child from everyone around me any time I did something smart or impressive, like, since I was 3 or 4 even). So I was more a feather blowing in the wind on the microlevel, like day to day stuff, while on the macrolevel, I've always had a big picture goal in mind.

[717495]

I had this same problem with my ESE aunt. She kept asking me what I wanted and I didn't care. But she wasn't giving me any ideas, and she would get offended when I said "sure, that sounds fine" or "that's good then." Like she wanted me to be more enthusiastic about it. It was annoying as hell. Stop pestering me with trivial questions all the time.

I actually found her and those types of people, to be a bit shallow. All they do is think about shallow shit all day and can't keep an interesting thought or conversation. These kinds of people lack imagination. When someone says "I don't care, let's do whatever." That's exactly what they mean. Because they have the imagination to take themselves anywhere no matter the external demands. You're the one who wants to do something. Don't ask me and don't expect me to be all polite about it, and treat you like you're special because you want to do something for me. I never wanted to do anything in the first place.

I think it's the object-dominant people who are more decisive, because they always want to do something, put their minds toward, or focus their minds on "something," and thus the ones who can make the decisions. Extroverted = more energy, more doing, more deciding. You're Fe dominant, redbaron right. Fe-INFp.

I easily know what I want in big decisions, I'm a bit more indecisive in small everyday things. However, if I see that the other party is being truly indecisive (not just to be polite, but really has no preference), I don't have much trouble quickly deciding. There are some people (usually, Se-EP) that have much stronger decisivness than me, tho.

Yeah, I suck at small insignificant things too.

[JWC3]

What about knowing what you want on a larger scale, Joe? Like goals in life?

Goals are much less clear then what I want to do in the moment. I use goals to guide my actions towards something I know I want. For example, I know I want to be cast as the lead in a main stage show at my college, so for that to happen I have to audition. It takes away the choice of "Will I audition? Am I prepared? Do I feel like it?" I also have larger scale life goals, like preforming in front of 500,000 people however, the actions that will lead to that goal's completion are murky at best currently, so I preoccupy myself with the smaller goals until they create the opportunity to complete the larger one.

For the most part that formula is true universally in my actions.
I.E. I set a larger unobtainable goal that ends up being accomplished through the completion of many smaller goals.

And for the record, no; Not all my goals pertain to theater... Some involve sex too.

[Marie84]

Me and a fellow SLEs opinion on group activity;

I'm going to do what I want to do you can come if you want, if not no biggie.

On doing something that requires other people;

I want to do this... Your sick? I don't care, come on.
I want to do this... You have Home work? HURRY THE FUCK UP!

This is true IME

[silverchris9]

If I'm by myself I tend to have a clear idea of what I want to be doing, and I will do it without hesitation. I'm not easily bored because I keep myself occupied pretty much all the time, I never just lay around doing nothing or thinking of something to do.

If I'm with other people I lose all of my volitional power. Often I know exactly what I want to do, but I am not a particularly convincing or charismatic person (or maybe I just socialize with the wrong people) and in any case I am disinclined to force the issue so I end up looking indecisive.

That's funny. I'm the exact opposite. I guess that's the difference between Se polr and Se dual-seeking. Both evince weak Se, but one's volitional power is awakened/enlivened in the presence of others' volitional pressure, and the other's volitional power is deadened by the presence of others' volitional pressure.