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Thread: The 16 Types Adventures

  1. #1

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    Default The 16 Types Adventures

    Chapter 1: Hollywood Narcissism

    Sam was jumping up and down. "I can't believe it, we get to hang out with Pink, Miley Cyrus and Jason Mraz all in one day!" He won some contest by playing those ghetto internet games where you have to do crazy shit like 'guess Obama's IQ.'

    "And I get to choose three friends to go with. Dolphin, Steve and Eldanen! YAY." The camera panned to each of their faces respectively. Dolphin looked happy for sam, kind of sheepish, Steve looked confident and straight man-ish and Eldanen had his hand on Sam's butt.

    A fat guard with an 'earl' name tag approached the quartet of losers. "okay kiddos, here are the rules. No touching, no asking about sex lives, you have to kiss their ass at least once every three minutes, no personal questions that are too personal, be sociable and friendly but not too deep. These are celeb kiddos! And remember it's for one hour only!!!"

    Sam frowned at this. Something felt a little 'off'.

    Meanwhile backstage,

    "God I can't believe we have to do some stupid charity thing with that Midwestern ****** that nobody liked in high school. We write songs so he will make our own selves richer. Does he REALLY think we give a crap about him or that we actually have any of these feelings ourselves?"

    Miley looked at Jason and Pink. Silence. Then, all three of them cracked up suddenly. Miley puckered her lips into the mirror and began speechifying. "People think artists are called to live fully, but that's just what they say to emo suburban losers like him so he'd leave the house more. So he can be humiliated even more than he already is, and so we can feed on his essence to make our own selves stronger. The truth is, to be in THIS business, you have to have balls and be a prick, two things Sam Leonard just doesn't have."

    "God I wanna suck ****** cock and then go slide down on the waterslide in disney land" Jason said narcissitically. He's Jason Mraz, he can do what he wants! (said like that little blonde anoerxic bitch on the E! channel)

    Jason Mraz came back after an hour. "God all this freedom the world is ours. And they're stuck, writing and being lost in their little introverted worlds. I have other people write my songs for me. I just get paid to look pretty. I am everything people inspire people to be." Jason sat on the bed and began fingering his own asshole.

    Miley and Pink looked at each other and just giggled.

    "So how much money do we make for this stupid event anyway?" Jason asked.

    "It's charity isn't it?" Pink asked, snapping her fingers and making a gay man appear to do her own hair.

    Miley shook her head. "Well that's just what we tell people but the truth is we each get three limos after this."

    "Another one?" Jason said, looking up at the ceiling and throwing a hackey sack midair all chill and cool boy like. "I want my own island. Like Oprah does."

    "Bitch you ain't no Oprah!" Miley said. "I'm just glad we're getting SOMETHING. And who knows, maybe it will feel good to help the kid out."

    Miley looked at Pink and Jason again. More laughter.

    "God I know everything. Everything in the universe is mine. MINE I TELL YOU. I don't feel, I just take, and they ALL FALL FOR IT! God just look at this cheap plastic crap." Jason held up a doll made in his likeness. "People ACTUALLY buy their kids that instead of teaching them what really goes on in the world."

    "You're on in 5" a jewish camera man said, the stuck up hollywood kind that kisses celeb ass but is too chicken shit and self-loathing to go on a gay date himself and just talks about being gay in top-shelf fashion magazines and rants what being gay is about in narcissistic new york newspapers that all the sociliates read, but hasn't done 1 real world gay shit in his life. Cause that would be gay.

    "Okay girls, let's do this shit!" Miley said.

    End of chapter 1
    Last edited by Bullets; 03-06-2010 at 05:51 PM.
    n0ki: If it weren't for faggy civilization, people like me and bnd would be totally dead by now.

  2. #2

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    Chapter 2: Meet Miley

    The trailer doors swung open. Sam gulped as he saw Miley sitting there, and instantly when he locked eyes with her she absorbed his soul and knew everything about him. She didn't CARE of course, but she objectively KNEW everything about his life with just one damn look, and that sent a chill up his spine.

    Sam knew what was going on here. Miley had the ability to absorb the social imprint of everybody in the universe and used others feelings against them, so they would be intimidated into being nice to her. He then looked at Jason, who pretended to be a cool homoerotic gay-friendly young man but actually liked beating people up, he was only gay in regards to his own narcissism (would only sleep with guys unless they had perfect bodies) He wouldn't show affection or love to any of his many gay male fanbase, he just fucked the shit out of them and left them. He enjoyed seeing them suffer. What fags.

    And then there was Pink, who... Sam actually couldn't get a good read on Pink. She seemed, kind of- sad, for some reason?

    Sam held up his arms out, protecting Dolphin, Steve and Eldanen. "This is.... a trap. They are trying to absorb our souls, they feed off our very dreams, destroy our dreams to boost their own selves. Don't you, Miley?"

    Miley laughed and twirled her hair with her fingers. "You're funny! I like funny people."

    "Cut the crap Miley. I know who you are!" Sam said. "Why did I believe in you. Why did I waste my time dancing to your music in my pajamas at 3 in the morning when I should have just got a license and a job!" Steve and Dolphin looked at Sam and kind of blushed for him.

    Miley stood up, her arms folded, and began psychologically abusing Sam. "Isn't that just like you, playing the victim and blaming others for your problems! Well you know, nobody's perfect so get back on that horse, okay? And we can be as mean to you as we want, it's not like anybody would believe you if you told them, you're just a shy little fag that got picked on in high school. Why do you think we chose people like you" Miley said confidently. "We make all these tv shows that pretend to empower middle-class mucks like you but really we just want you zoned in front of the tv so we can absorb your soul the more you watch. God, you people from the midwest are SO NAIVE!"

    Sam sighed. "I know why they have the no-touch rule as well. Because, touching is a connection that is on a deeper innate realm then psychological control and soul-sucking manipulation. When you touch somebody, you can't help but be connected to them whether you like them or not. And as a Star, you are used to being sought after, but not touched. We all need to be touched that way, Miley. But you only let other narcissists near your pussy and two incorporeales does not a corporeal make."

    Steve looked at Sam. "Isn't that....touching."

    "And well, if we touch you that means we can kill you- and so yeah there's probably that too." Sam looked at Miley and licked his lips, suggesting he was about to kick some ass. "GUARDS!" Miley screamed. "This guy said he was gonna touch me!!!" Miley ranted. "He even licked his lips too OH MY GAWSH you guys got all that right? You need help, sir. I hope you get the counseling you need! I also heard you have internet addiction...."

    Suddenly, a horde of about 15 news reporters flocked toward Sam's like hornets-to-honey and flashed a billion lights in his face. Steve gulped. "Oh no. What should we do?" He looked around for his mom to fix everything, but she wasn't there. Not this time. His voice also was annoningly calm even in a situation like this. Damnit Steve!

    Dolphin looked around and nudged Sam. "We have to....get out of here. God I just stated the obvious. I'm sorry."

    "We can't use magic in public" Sam whispered back, trying to zone out from the barrage of questions and paper/pens in his face.

    "We don't get anywhere following the damn rules" Eldanen said. "Disaperazo!" He waved his hands and teleported the three of them out of there....

    And into the middle of the Sahara Desert.

    "That was......what the hell was that!?" Sam asked angrily.

    "I just well....." Eldanen shrugged.

    "You just gave her a TELEPORTATION spell. She absorbs magical slash psychological powers, you dolt!" Sam hit Eldanen on the back of his head.

    "I'm sorry...." he looked down.

    "Melee was the only way to go with her....." Sam said.

    "You're not much of a melee fighter though, Sam" dolphin said. "Well, neither am I. And neither is Eldanen. Because we're gay men and or straight females." Dolphin looked directly at Steve.

    "Yeah well I was TRYING to create a diversionary tactic so Steve would sneak up behind her, but you just stood there!" Sam looked at Steve too, and then Eldanen.

    Steve shrugged. "How was I supposed to know that?"

    Sam sighed. "I guess it doesn't matter. Look, I'm sorry okay. I just....well, Miley and them are evil. Well, something was wrong with Pink. I mean wrong in the sense that, she didn't seem all that bad. And even Jason was kinda....I don't know. But Miley is definitely the ringleader there."

    Miley suddenly appeared in a gust of wind magic in front of the quartet, the same spell that Eldanen used to make them get away. "God why do you stick your nose where it doesn't belong! Why are you so fucking......insightful."

    "Because he sucks so much at sports?" Steve said.

    "STEVE!" Sam yelled. "Kick her fucking ass!"

    "It's not hard for me to kill a bunch of nobody fags like y'all." Miley taunted. She then went straight for Eldanen and promptly snapped his neck. "Thanks for the power, sweetie."

    Sam and Dolphin and Steve's jaws dropped.

    Angrily, Steve rushed at her and tackled her to the ground. Miley recover flipped up and kicked Steve, but he blocked. Steve palm striked Miley in the face. Miley kicked up twice, once kicking sand in Steve's face and the other, simply kicking his face.

    "Sam, ressurect him!" Dolphin said in tears, cradling Eldanen's dead body. He looked white and felt cold.

    "She'll just....copy the power. I can't. And stay back, don't cast any spells. We can't lose you too."

    Miley tried to go after Sam and Dolphin, but Steve kept pulling her hair back to face him instead, holding aggro on Miley as much as possible.

    "'s all you. You can do this. You don't need your mother. You just need your superior physical straight man strength!"

    Steve got naturally stronger by about 20 point 7 percent, Sam had indirectly cast a buff spell on Steve with his gay male encouragement. Miley just absorbed the spell on herself, and the fight was even again. Steve and Miley roundhouse kicked each other at exactly the same time, each foot blocking the other, like in the Kill Bill fight between Uma Thurman and Daryl Hannah.

    Sam sighed. "I didn't....mean to do that."

    Sam tried to think. But every thought he had, Miley was just absorbing. This wouldn't go too well. "Dolphin, we have to.....we have to meditate. Compress our powers so she can't absorb our magic. And then it's just a strong adult straight man against a little petite teenage girl and I hate to be politically incorrect, but we all know how that's gonna go."

    Dolphin frowned. "I don't know how to meditate. At least, not as good as you Sam."

    Sam grabbed Dolphin's hands. "Yes, you can....just....focus on your breathing......Relax." Sam copied the same techniques to Dolphin that he learned from Diana Lang (You can buy it here: Opening to Meditation eBook: Diana Lang: Kindle Store) YAY just because I'm emo doesn't mean I'm not a capitalist that can't advertise people who have good shit!)

    Their consciousness broke open, all the pain Dolphin and Sam felt from Eldanen's death, all their raw magic and hope and ideals that introverted percevings have, kinda just dissipated into the grains of sand and to the vast environment of the desert. For a little while.

    "Our magic is becoming too diluted for Miley to absorb, keep it up!"



    Steve noticed Miley was becoming weaker, each hit felt more like he was punching a saggy bag of veggies rather than a brick wall, he kept it up, her face becoming squishier and malleable, punching and kicking her ass repeatedly. Miley begun to bleed, begun to ....feel? But she would never let anybody know.

    "God FUCKING GOD IT FEELS SO GOOD TO BE STRAIGHT" he kicked her in the stomach and she coughed out blood, and also her liver.....and then for the finishing blow he snapped her neck the same way she snapped Eldanen's.

    "Sam, the resurrection spell. Now!" Dolphin pointed.

    "I can''s too late. There's a, there's a time frame for that. He's gone forever." Sam looked at Eldanen's cold dead body.

    Steve looked at Eldanen and began crying. "No."

    ~End of Chapter 2~
    Last edited by Bullets; 12-10-2009 at 03:42 AM.
    n0ki: If it weren't for faggy civilization, people like me and bnd would be totally dead by now.

  3. #3

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    Chapter 3: A Day In The Desert

    Dolphin and Steve were sobbing around Eldanen's body.

    "We need to find some way to get out of here...." Sam told the group. "Eldanen was the only one who knew how to teleport and well, he's dead."

    "Sam, why are you so....why aren't you crying?" Dolphin asked like a curious little girl who can't buy a barbie from toys r us."

    "He's a fag. He deserved to die."

    Steve and Dolphin GASPED at that.

    "I mean, he was weak, she targeted him cause he was weak, the most fragile party member- she chose him right away. He should have....been quicker. Escaped somehow."

    Steve and Dolphin looked at each other and just grimaced. "Why are you being so cold?" Dolphin asked.

    "BECAUSE WE ARE AT WAR WITH EVIL, WE WILL NOT GET ANYWHERE BEING SOFT LITTLE FAGS!" Sam shouted. He then walked off in the desert. They all remained silent and just kept walking, for five minutes.

    "This is useless" Steve commented. "We have no idea where we are going. The sun sets in the west and Sam is walking okay, we are going north. But we don't even know what that will lead to. We'll die from thirst."

    "No, we won't. I can conjure food and water like a world of warcraft mage. But for now, all we need is water." Dolphin concentrated and made three canteens for the party. "Flow!" she said, the outline of a small triangle suddenly materialized on her forehead and glowed a dull blue. Water magic flowed from her veins to the canteens. She handed them out to Steve and Sam, and finally to herself. The water felt so cold and good down their throats.

    "Wow, thanks Dolphin" Steve said, smiling. "Mmhmm, that triangle, I noticed Sam had that same thing on his forehead when he cast a spell. It's something all casters have, apparently."

    "Oh? I never noticed. I guess, I never looked at myself while I was casting magic....." Dolphin then reached out and cast a small waterfall in the air so Sam could look at his reflection. He cast a basic healing spell on himself, called 'Gain'. Sam stepped back a little, startled. "My's only a half triangle."

    Sam frowned. "I'm not a pure caster...."

    "That surprises you?" Dolphin said. "You're a Shaman, after all. Shamans are hybrids."

    Sam shook his head. "But I don't understand. I suck at melee. All I know is good healing magic...."

    "Maybe your other half just isn't activated yet" Dolphin said. "While we are in the desert, we should find monsters to level up!"

    "All you need is food and water and exercise to live" Steve said. "And love and friends." Sam and Dolphin rolled their eyes at Steve's tendency to use self-help book cliches. "We have all of that, here. So what if we're lost in a desert!"

    "How are we going to sleep? I don't think Dolphin can conjure tents and blankets too...." Sam said.

    "I dunno, we'll find a cave or something. I'm not even tired yet though" Dolphin said.

    "Coyotes will eat us in our sleep" Sam said.

    "Law of Attraction bro. If you THINK coyotes will eat you, they will eat you."

    Sam picked up a rock and threw it at Steve's head. "Did you think I was going to do that?"

    "Well, no...." Steve blushed.

    Dolphin giggled at that.

    Steve rubbed his head. "Ow!" Sam cast Gain on Steve.

    The holy trinity of tank, damage dealer and healer walked their cute little butts around the desert until they got to their first random encounter.

    "Isn't that.....

    GULANZON?" Sam stepped back, squinting his eyes. "It's little imp creatures with the face of Gulanzon, holding up tiny lil spears" he said. "Is he a bad guy?" Dolphin asked.

    "I don't know, but they're going down!" Steve rushed after the imps. Sam stayed back and healed Steve while Dolphin used Water magic from the background.

    Dolphin yawned. "Desert creatures, weak against water. How typical."

    Sam, Dolphin and Steve spent the rest of the day hanging out and leveling up in the desert. They got tired and decided to take a break around a fairly large-ish rock.

    "This isn't working. I don't really feel any stronger in healers are a little stronger, oh and I can do THIS now." Sam cast a Pink Triangle on Steve. "It's like power word: shield, only it's a pink triangle. You know, for gayness. And no gay debuff thing either, but it is kinda hefty on the MP."

    Dolphin smiled. "And I can cast Area of Effect Water magic now."

    "And I can......." Steve shrugged. "I already had lots of abilities because I'm a straight man and I spend more time in the real world than you two, but my raw power and stats increased."

    "Oh!" Dolphin reached out from behind and took out a large, beautiful oak wooden staff. It had some sort of blue cloth bandaged around near the bottom tip. "It's a Shaman staff, I found it off one of the Saharan Lizards we downed." She handed Sam the staff.

    "Thanks." Sam and Dolphin and Steve just looked at each other for awhile. "The sun is setting....let's say we go back where we came from, and give Eldanen a proper burial? I'm sorry I stormed off like that before."

    "Okay...." Steve looked at Dolphin, then Sam. "Um. Which way was he again."

    "I think this way...." Sam said.

    "No, this way....." Dolphin said.

    "No......" Steve said.

    Three cute lil anime sweat drops appeared over the trio's heads.

    "It's too dangerous to go looking for him" Dolphin said. "His body will just decay into the sand, or be food for vultures. You know if it hasn't already."

    Sam frowned, and then finally released the emotions he had been holding back. Tears poured down and his body trembled. "Eldanen, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. We will avenge your death, I promise." Dolphin and Steve comforted Sam, Steve putting one hand on Sam's left shoulder and Dolphin the right. Tired from the release of emotions, they fell asleep on the sand.

    ~End of Chapter 3~
    Last edited by Bullets; 12-12-2009 at 12:21 AM.
    n0ki: If it weren't for faggy civilization, people like me and bnd would be totally dead by now.

  4. #4

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    Chapter 4: The Rape

    Jason Mraz looked out the window, you could see all of Disneyland from up here, on the tenth floor. Jason and Pink were in one of their 12 homes, a mansion on the outskirts of Disneyland. (About five minutes from the trailer they first met Sam in.)

    "I wonder when Miley will be back" Jason asked.

    "She should have no trouble killing them off" Pink said, who was working out with a 10-lb lavendar weight that had 14-karat diamonds embedded in the handles. The room was carpetted all over in white mink fur, and had a giant king-sized water bed with purple covers and pillows stitched by Bobby Trendy.

    Jason put his head down. "I feel lonely. What is up with that? I mean we have all this shit, and I'm still not satisfied in life. I wonder why I was never as powerful as Miley, you know. And then it hit me. Humanity." Jason's body shook. "It's why I go for the hurt instead of the kill. Miley killed people before. She was.....pure. I could never do that. I just break hearts, tease fags, maybe put a few homos in the hospital." He spun around in a dramatic fashion. "But I can't KILL."

    Pink shrugged. "Neither can I. And I feel it too. As powerful as Miley got, she was a complete narcissist who couldn't care. I could never be like that." Pink flexed some more. "I don't do anything to help realistically but hey, I still care. That's why pathetic losers and social outcasts love my music. I really DO know what it's like. I'd just never go to like Wyandotte Michigan and actually physically help with them with anything cause it's like 'BLEGAGH!'"

    "But we're celebrities. We're better looking than everybody else, our shit really DOESN'T stink, cause of that special raw seafood diet we eat, and unlike dumb Midwesterners we know not to eat dumb snack cakes that are bad for us." Jason ripped his shirt off. "Look at this bod....god." He raised his arms and kissed his own pits. "But it's like, the more you improve yourself.....there is still just this, deep down loneliness. God. Miley didn't have a soul, so she never felt it. But was that the biggest loss of all? It's like something other than material beauty can fill this void but I don't know WHAT."

    "I believe you're talking about true love" Pink said matter-of-factly.

    "I can't love. I mean, I'm in competition with them. In the Gay Life it's all about who has the best car and hottest body and who can backstab and hurt the people the most and gather the most stuff, you know? It's the thrill of the chase. It's....."

    "Kill or be killed. I get it" Pink said. "But don't you think, in the end it's all the same. The killer becomes the killed. I saw Sam and the others' eyes. It's like, I dunno. It's like they actually cared, like they actually wanted to help things. Make the world a better place."

    "God, why do that when you can just...have you SEEN this water bed?" Jason jumped on it and bobbled up and down. "Mmmmmm" he purred. "People who try to play hero, they only get killed. This is the life, you know everything I was saying before? Ah. I was just, I dunno, being silly. Forget it" He looked at Pink. With lust in his eyes. "Let's fuck."

    Pink got up and took a few steps backward. "Jason, you're gay."

    "Yeah, but I don't want to be. And they can't know that." He ran toward Pink and grabbed her arm. "I said, let's fuck."

    Pink shook her head, looking at Jason with the empathetic look of a concerned social worker. "Jason, no. You' You need to admit it. I can help."

    Jason laughed in Pink's face. "What, you don't think I can rape you? Because I'm a fag. Is that what you think?"

    Pink stepped back. "Jason....."

    "Miley was never our friend, she was just copying what she could get out of us- she was going to steal this mansion. And I'm tired of sharing it with you!"

    "Miley was empty, hollow, but Jason. Jason, you're not. Jason, our friendship means more to me than this waterbed, or these diamond weights. Or my..... well not my cashmere sweaters or my cabin in Malibu but um, I'm just saying - I do care about you."

    "I want your cunt" Jason kicked Pink in the kneecaps.

    Pink frowned. "Don't do this."

    "I'll rape you, then kill you-- and make it look like a suicide. They won't even know. I'm so fucking brilliant." His eyes raged with intense fiery narcissism. He pushed Pink against the wall. Pink roundhouse kicked him back. She raced for the exit. But Jason grabbed Pink's hair and threw her on the bed. Pink recoiled her legs back, then jutted them outward, knocking Jason back. Pink dived for Jason, but Jason grabbed the weight and backhanded Pink's face with it!

    Her eyes blurred. "I c-can't see. You made me go half-blind."

    "Yeah good bitch, hahaa yeaaah" Jason said. He pulled Pink's shorts down and kissed her deeply.

    Pink suddenly vanished from Jason's embrace and appeared behind him. She conjured two daggers that appeared in her hands. She tried to aim at his back, but her vision blurred from being knocked hard in the skull with real weights, so she just tripped forward.

    "Rogue class. How cute. Want to know what I am?" Jason picked up Pink single-handedly by the throat, spitting her in the face and getting hard while making his pecs move by themselves.

    "Shaman." A dark-blue, almost black, triangle glowed on Jason's forehead, but it was a full triangle unlike Sam's -- and also looked way manlier and bad-ass. "Everything you can do, I can do too. And I can also heal but god, who wants to do gay supportive shit like that when you can do this..." He threw Pink backwards towards the window but luckily she didn't fall out.

    "You love him. Sam is different from the other gay boys" Pink said, coughing up blood. "You love him" she repeated.

    "STOP SAYING THAT BITCH" Jason punched Pink in the abdomen as hard as he could. He grabbed her boobs and squeezed them roughly, digging his nails deep into her skin. Pink yelled out in agony, her body crimpling in unconsensual submission. He thrust his dick into her, and humped her against the wall in one violent torrent. As soon as he orgasmed, he grabbed one of her daggers from her hands and slit her throat.

    "The male rush, the abuse of power....this is incredible. This is...." As soon as the pleasure from the orgasm subsided, Jason suddenly vomited. "Oh god, what have I done? Pink. Pink?"

    Jason eyes' teared up, soft with empathy and guilt and he instantly revived Pink with a ressurection spell. Her blindness was cured as well. "Pink, I'm so-sorry?" He reached out to comfort her.

    Pink cried. "Get away from me. I'm out....I'm out of Hollywood, this lifestyle. I'm.... Oh god, I can't- I can't let Miley kill them." She vanished away using her Rogue powers.

    "But I revived you, you dumb bitch!" Jason angrily punched the wall. "That makes it okay, right. You're better now right, you're healed. I revived you! Come back to me.... please somebody......come back to me......." His face was completely red and he was bawling his eyes out.

    A voiceover of Pink could be heard in Jason's head. "No, I'm not okay. I'll never be okay with what you've done to me. How could you Jason. I was your only true friend. And now you're all alone. Have fun in your 'dog eat dog' world. It hurts Jason. You could never make the emotional pain go away just because you healed me physically.....and cause you're a celebrity and hot, you won't get in real trouble and the world's sytems would defend you. But you will have guilt. Guilt for the rest of your life."

    Jason sobbered and slobbered all over himself. "This soul.....I can't live with it. I know where I gotta go." He crawled his way out of the mansion.
    Last edited by Bullets; 12-10-2009 at 03:43 AM.
    n0ki: If it weren't for faggy civilization, people like me and bnd would be totally dead by now.

  5. #5

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    Chapter 5: Specs of Light

    "Get up" ... Sam's eyes slowly opened. "Mom? Uh....."

    "AYIEEE" Sam tried to kick Pink, but Pink blocked by grabbing his foot. "I'm here to help you, not kill you."

    "Yeah right," Steve cast taunt on Pink, she instinctively dropped Sam's foot and couldn't see or remember anything about Sam or Dolphin, it's like they completely evaporated from her perception and conscience. "No, it's....." She shook her head, letting Steve punch her in the face a few times. When the taunt spell ended, she cried out. "I'M NOT HERE TO FIGHT, PLEASE!"

    Sam looked at Pink, reading her with his shaman magic. "She's telling the truth." He healed her from Steve's blows. "Pink, you were nowhere near as bad as Miley, or Jason. What were you doing with those two anyway?"

    Dolphin grumbled, slowly getting up, wiping the sleepies from her eyes. "W-what's going on?"

    Pink looked up at the gang. "I don't know. I was ambivalent. Misled. I felt too good for the real world with all the uncreative losers in it, but the hollywood narcissism world, I just.... it was nice, and all. But kind of empty, you know?" She then gave a typical aesop about how celebrity is overrated. "But god I do miss the cars and the clothes."

    "You don't have to quit entirely" Sam said. "And t-there's nothing wrong with liking that stuff, right? It's just well, don't be evil?"

    "Miley didn't kill you?" Pink asked. Well, duh Pink. "That means...."

    Steve nodded. "We killed Miley. We had to. Self-defense, and um she killed Eldanen. Plus you know, uh she's a pure demon with no soul."

    "I'm part demon" Sam said, putting his head down and reminiscing about his bad boy days.

    "We all are, everybody with powers is" Pink said. "We can do good or we can do evil, or we can just get rid our souls and become pure evil. Like Miley chose to do."

    "There's no pure good?" Dolphin asked, stretching.

    Sam sighed. "No, I'm afraid not. Just evil and well, not quite so evil and a bunch of hard, small choices everyday that build up to become good. Maybe."

    Steve nodded. "There's the humans, the ones we supposedly protect- when they're not busy treating *everybody* with powers like they're the bad guys, and then there are ones with magic, who protect the boring no-power humans when we're not too busy fighting with each other and being lured to just be lazy and not do anything and bask in the riches we automatically receive for knowing how to go with the flow, and's complicated. Who is good, who is evil. I thought it was simple. But it's complicated."

    "Pure demons like Miley Cyrus though, it's not so complicated. And it's fun kicking their asses" Sam said. "I guess that's our mission. To erase all pure demon narcissists from the world. And we'll deal with the morally gray areas as a delicate process when they come up."

    "How do we know even how many pure demons there are? How do we test it?" Steve asked.

    "Shamans and other healer classes can sense it" Pink said. "Jason thought Miley was better than him, because she had no soul and he did, and would like constantly make fun of him for his soft fag lovey ness."

    "Yeah so that answers the latter question. But how many do we kill? How many are left?" Dolphin asked.

    Pink shrugged. "I was never into the higher ups, and Miley was just a fresh pure demon herself. I have my connections, but they are shady folk. They won't give us information without a lot of crap in return."

    "The only thing I'm worried about now" Sam told the group, "Is getting out of this damn desert."

    Steve looked at Pink. "You're a Rogue, you can teleport."

    Pink sighed. "Just two things with that. I can only do that once a day, and um- it only works on myself, as a self-cast. It's not as good as a Warlock's teleport."

    Sam put his head down, "Eldanen...." But it wasn't the time to mourn.

    "Well Ms. Pink, why did you come down here then" Dolphin asked. "'Cause you're just stuck with us for the rest of the day."

    Pink shrugged. "I don't know, I just wanted to help and I guess....I let my emotions take over. Well tomorrow I will get a private jet to come here and pick y'all up."

    "Why would the people you worked with help us?" Steve asked.

    "They won't. When the jet comes, it will be to kill you. Or so they think. But you'll just kill them instead and steal the jet. You can't tell them that I'm helping you out though, of course."

    "You have to play both sides, for the greater good of all" Sam sighed. "I get that."

    "Looks like we're going to be in the desert a little while longer. Who wants to level up some more?" Dolphin said excitedly.

    The next day,

    A jet arrived with three ninja-looking dudes to kill them, just like Pink said would happen. "Something is wrong, they knew we were coming!" one of the ninjas said, a skinny but tall dude in a gray suit. He then teleported out of there while Steve killed the other two by banging their skulls together.

    "Uh oh" Sam said. "We're going to get Pink in trouble. Hurry, let's fly back. Because Steve is the straight guy, he'll fly the jet."

    After a few hours, they got back to the states. When they walked around in L.A, they noticed Tabloids were filled all over the stands about the highlights of Pink's death. 'Drug overdose' they said. But Sam, Dolphin and Steve knew the real truth.

    "This sucks so much. She sacrificed herself to save us. I can't believe it. God why didn't we kill that last GUARD, why god why! First Eldanen, now Pink. This isn't worth it!" Sam said.

    "But Miley Cyrus is dead" Dolphin said.

    "That's ONE death to our TWO" Sam said. "We're losing. And we don't even know how to nab a Pure Demon, I only know when I'm face-to-face with one of them."

    "Well, we'll just have to walk around LA until we find one" Steve said. "C'mon, it's LA, dude. Pure demons gotta be everywhere. You can't give up, Sam. This is really just the beginning."

    "This is....this is pointless. Hopeless. We're fighting a losing battle" Sam said. "Just let evil win, they control everything anyway."

    Dolphin sighed. "Sam, do you know how many gay teenage boys you saved by killing Miley?"

    Steve reached his hand out. "Uh, actually I was the one who- Sorry go on."

    "How many of them will get jobs and driver's licenses and actually go out and explore the world instead of being hypnotized by her music, instead of buying cheap pop diva merchandise that exists only to make her stronger."

    "They'll just drift off to Britney instead" Sam said.

    "It doesn't matter. You made the world brighter, even if it was just a spec of light and even if it only lasted for the moment her neck was being snapped. You can't just let all those specs go out, just stomp on all the specs and glimpses of pure happiness, just because most of the world is indeed shrouded in darkness and yucky veil stuff."

    Sam sighed. "I guess you're right. And not just me. We did it."

    "No, you two had to meditate to not make the problem any worse while I actually- OKAY OKAY. Yeah! Go team go!" Steve said.

    Dolphin smiled brightly. "Good. Now just.... I don't know." Her stomach grumbled. "I'm starved, let's get something to eat in a nice hip LA restaurant. I can conjure food but trust me, it's not as good as a regular meal."

    ~End of Chapter 5~
    Last edited by Bullets; 12-10-2009 at 03:44 AM.
    n0ki: If it weren't for faggy civilization, people like me and bnd would be totally dead by now.

  6. #6

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    Chapter 6: En Route to Starr Commonwealth

    "I wonder if all Pure demons absorb magic, like Miley did. What do know of them besides they are all pure demons. Do they all work together?" Sam blabbered on while the holy trinity continued to walk in L.A.

    "Uh, not now" Steve whispered- cause a homeless man in a brown coat was looking at them like they were crazy. The trio entered a restaurant.

    "Yes, I'll have a salad with extra water chestnuts and a bread roll please" Dolphin said to the mexican at the counter.

    "I'll have uh a slice of cheese pizza and um.....a bottle of water" Sam said, curious if he could sense the subtle difference between Dolphin's conjured water and aquafina's.

    "I'll have the lasagna" Steve said.

    They got their food, paid for their food and sat down. Not on their food, but on a table.

    "Not really hip. More trashy tourist cafeteria ish but hey- that guy looks kinda famous!" Sam said, pointing to some jew-looking man in a trenchcoat.

    "I don't know where anything is, I was just hungry" Dolphin said. "And besides, we don't have enough money to eat in a hip fancy place. None of us have jobs."

    "You can't conjure money?" Steve asked.

    "No, just water and mediocre food" Dolphin shrugged.

    "It doesn't matter, we don't need fancy things. It'd probably just corrupt me anyway."

    "Now Sam, money isn't the root of evil" Steve said mommy-like while scooping up a forkfull of lasagna.

    "It isn't the path to happiness either!" Sam said, knowing Steve got that from one of those Law of Attraction cards he buys and hides under his bed.

    "Well, we're going to need lots of money to even reach most of the pure demons" Steve said. "I mean, just think about it. We only got THAT close to Miley Cyrus out of raw luck, all because you won that game on the internet."

    "Was it really luck?" Sam said. "Maybe it was fate."

    "Don't count on it. We all have to think of a way to make money, so we can do what we're really meant to do: fight evil and save the world" Steve said.

    "I guess you really can't fight evil as the poor underdog" Sam said.

    "No, that only happens in fairytales" Dolphin said.

    "But most jobs are just shitty illusions. People with real power don't work in places like this!" Sam said. "Or work at all. They just psychologically and socially control everything."

    "I know" Dolphin sighed. "That's why we all gotta...." she looked at Steve. "Write a self-help book or something."

    Steve drooled at the idea.

    Sam swallowed the last of his cheese pizza. "Oh, pure demon!"

    "Where?" Steve turned around, ready to fight.

    "Not here, silly ready-to-fight straight boy. Starr Commonwealth. (Starr Commonwealth: Boarding School for Troubled teen with Behavior Management Issues, Aspergers Syn) Renee M. Hunt, my last group leader, who was like a faux-psychologist there....was a PURE DEMON. And that's her real name too. Name NOT changed to NOT protect the innocent, cause innocent she sure ain't!"

    Steve frowned. "That's all the way back in Michigan. We're in LA."

    "A warlock will teleport us there if I give him a blowjob. I know just the place." Sam said.

    "But when we're done how are we going to get back to California, where most of the Pure Demons reside?" Steve asked. "Michigan law bans warlocks from living there, it'll be a one-way trip."

    "And they're not going to let us on any planes anytime soon" Steve continued, finishing up his lasagna. "Haven't you heard, the world thinks we're the bad guys now." He reached out for the newspaper that was laid down on the empty table behind them and threw it at Sam and Dolphin. It was a front-page article about how Sam was wanted for the kidnapping and death of Miley Cyrus and how he 'groomed' her and sexually offended her. The article had a black and white photo of Sam with scared faggy deer-in-the-headlight eyes with the media all bombarding around him. And it SO did not help that his zipper happened to be accidentally unzipped!

    Sam read the article in fear and disgust. Also, Steve's Ne was beginning to bug. "We'll cross that bridge when we come to it, I just know the exact location of a pure demon and that's our job, right? Pure demon hunters. So let's go hunt us a pure demon."

    The mexican owner kept looking at the trio. Dolphin looked around. "We shouldn't be seen here, let's go."

    They walked around town, dodging all cops and people that looked like they'd turn them in. They bought some new clothes to hide their appearance a bit.

    "I can't believe it, we're wanted criminals. The actual bad guys get away with being bad and the ones who really help, become hunted."

    Dolphin sighed. "I know....just keep walking."

    Sam, Dolphin and Steve entered a gay bar. Sam took a guy in a dark room, a drag queen, and began sucking him off. You could see the silhouette of the action. When he was finished, the drag queen waved his hands and in a rush of tornadoe-y wind, the trio was teleported to the entrance of Starr Commonwealth.

    Starr was a humble looking place with wide paved streets and a bunch of little houses all around called cottages, where juvenile teenage boys lived. 14 boys to one cottage. Behind the gang there was a large highway that was mostly desolate, since Starr was in the middle of nowhere just about, and behind that stood a large corn field.

    "The things I do for the greater good, I probably got gonorrhea from that" Sam sighed, casting 'Dispel Disorder' on himself to remove any stds (debuffs) from the encounter.

    "Come on" Sam said to the gang. "Ms. Hunt's estate is somewhere inside......"

    "Sam, LOOK!" Dolphin pointed to three strong black men, called 'Starr Thugs' that were walking towards the party. "I can keep one under control with Sleep magic, Steve, you tank the other two. Sam, heal!"

    Steve rushed to the Starr thugs, and was surprised when just one of the thugs blew 1/4 of his HP off in one hit. And they also hit fast. "Oh shit" Steve said.

    Sam panicked and healed Steve over and over again, trying to concentrate.

    "They have a lot of HP too" Steve yelled out. Dolphin did her best to bring them down while Sam healed like a mother fuck. Steve died suddenly. Critical Hit. The Starr thugs went RIGHT after Sam, all dominant and scary and straight man like.

    "NO!" Dolphin shout out. She cast a spell called 'Chill', slowing them down while they ran. It was just enough to make them not reach Sam. Sam ran around the thugs and got close enough to resurrect and heal Steve. Because this game is cooler than World of Warcraft, remember you CAN resurrect in Battle as long as it's not more than 10 seconds after the death! Sam shielded himself with Triangle, as the Starr Thug would one shot him otherwise, and ran back away, healing himself to full. Steve got threat back from the thugs just in the nick of time while Dolphin re-Slept the other one.

    "GOD DAMNIT THIS FIGHT IS SO HARD BUT AWESOME!" Dolphin called out, casting a strong torrent of water to the back of the dumb ******'s skull. "Water magic isn't that good for humans though. And half my MP is gone already." She tried to aim her magic in all of their tender spots. One of the thugs got an ear infection from the water, a minor debuff, but every little bit helped.

    "We got this, it's okay, it will be rough- but we got this, okay?" Sam said, remembering to keep Triangle on Steve as often as possible in cast of another critical hit.

    "The first one's almost dead" Steve said, using 'Whirlwind Punch', 'Straight Jab', 'Elbow Punch' and then 'Uppercut'. His rotation was complicated, but he knew if he fucked up just one thing it would be all over."

    Sam scored a lucky critical heal on Steve, but his jaw dropped when he noticed a fourth Starr Thug coming straight toward them! As soon as the patrol walked past the sleeping Starr Thug, he woke him up and the two ran toward Dolphin.

    "FUCKING PAT FUCKING PAT FUCKING PAAAAAAT!!!!" Sam screamed out at Dolphin, forgetting that she doesn't know mmorpg speak that well yet.

    "Pat? Who do we know that's named Pat. Do you mean that guy that you-" Dolphin suddenly got one shotted by the two black men.

    "Sam, w-we have to let her go, she's too far up ahead to ress!" Steve called out as he ran toward Sam. "JUST RUN!"

    "No, dolphin, I-" Sam would not lose Dolphin. And especially not in a random encounter, even if was hard - omg 7 seconds left, 2 second cast." Sam then remembered one of his ultimate abilities: GAY RANT! Sam gave a condescending, preachy speech about gay rights and suddenly everybody in the battle besides Sam, ie Steve and the starr thugs -- were fast asleep, cartoony zzzs appearing over their heads like in the game Aion. Sam revived Dolphin, woke up Steve by slapping him, and the sleep lasted on the thugs just long enough for them to completely escape the battle. (Dolphin cast a jetstream of Water on her back as soon as she revived to catch up with the others) They ran completely out into a huge corn field until the mobs lost their leash on them and turned back around in the other direction. Sam had felt a strong gust of wind from a Starr Thug's fist, but thankfully there was no contact. Sam's MP was COMPLETELY sucked dry.

    The three rested up in the corn fields, drinking water and sitting down in a semi-circle. "Pant pant pant" they all caught their breath.

    "oh god that was- was intense." Dolphin said, stating the obvious as usual.

    "Yeah in this world if you're dead for more than 10 seconds, you stay dead- there's no spirit rezz gay thingie" Sam said. "Oh god" He hugged Dolphin and Steve. Sam then realized something. "You both died. What was that like?"

    "Really, really painful" Steve said. "God what happens if YOU die. Dolphin and I can't rezz!"

    Sam shook his head. "This is so hard....I...." Suddenly he saw a young woman run towards them.

    "SAM!?! I saw the entire fight from the top of the watchtower and ran down here as soon as I could....I, what is going on here?" She looked at Steve and Dolphin. "Hiya."

    "V-vero?" Sam said. "VERO! What are YOU doing at Starr?"

    "I'm a social worker here now. Because you know, us canadians are good with social work." She lifted up her glasses. "I thought I could help destroy Starr from the inside out, but it's rather difficult."

    "You have to go for the source, the Pure Demons. I know of one, Ms. Hunt. Kill her, and it would weaken the whole place."

    Vero's hands glowed with electricity. "Oh yeah I know her. Total bitch. Well, let's do this shit, yo!"

    Vero's theme music played. (A kind of alien-ish, techno/rock beat) Vero has joined the party!

    Dolphin felt some natural female jealousy. "Water and lightning....don't mix" she frowned.

    ~End of Chapter 6~
    Last edited by Bullets; 12-14-2009 at 10:19 AM.
    n0ki: If it weren't for faggy civilization, people like me and bnd would be totally dead by now.

  7. #7

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    Chapter 7: Starr Commonwealth, Part 1

    Dolphin and Vero competed for top DPS, glaring at each other while bolts of water and lightning shot out from their fingertips. Of course Vero was in the lead, as these particular mobs don't get hurt that much by Water.

    "Dolphin, I know you're mad at me- but um.... look, the anger, the fire. The hate. Whoa. The fire!" Dolphin looked down at her hands. "Looks like you learned a new spell kiddo" Sam cheered.

    Dolphin could now cast 'Flame'. Fire magic. She quickly disposed of the thugs by setting them aflame, and could now rival and compete with Vero for top damage.

    The four saw a total of FOURTEEN Starr Thugs approach them, with an elite Group Leader leading the pack, this scary looking mage-like woman wearing a red business suit holding up a staff with a glowing jewel tip. The thugs had even darker skin than the other ones, for non political correctness but hilariousness. And looked a lot buffer and tougher.

    "No way......" Steve said.

    "Turn around" Sam said. "That's the entrance to a tougher wing. We're not high enough level to go there." Vero pointed upwards down the north path instead. "Ms. Hunt should be at that school up ahead" she said.

    Sam thought for a moment. "Those were raid mobs.....there might be enough people with powers in the world to take down all of Starr Commonwealth" Sam said. "We could flush the entire place out. The mobs in the entrance are dead, but they will just 'respawn', ie they'll get more wayward youth with special powers in here to brainwash and use as minions to do their dirty work while the Pures soak up the riches. Damn Republicans. But if we take out all the Pure Demons running this joint- then it would be. Awesome. No more Starr Commonwealth. That would REALLY do the world some good."

    "You have big dreams dude" Steve said. "Look, we're here for one thing and just one thing only. To kill Renee Hunt, right. Don't be getting any big ideas or everything in the damn place might swarm against us."

    Sam looked at Vero. "Can you teleport?" he asked.

    "Sure can" Vero winked.

    "Us too?" he asked.

    Vero nodded.

    "I LOVE YOU!" Sam said. "If things get rough, we'll just wooooosh"

    "Yeah but it's hard on the MP and makes me tired and groggy, so I'll only use it in a clear emergency" Vero said.

    "Well of course" Sam said, happy that they got another teleporter in the group.

    Dolphin rolled her eyes.

    "The mobs we fight, I was with them years ago- I was part of the pack once. I was on the other end you know, patrolling this place for outsiders. Believed in the crap that was brainwashed into me. Most of the other kids didn't know any better 'cause they were drugged by evil psychiatrists. I can now finally do some good and well, it feels good- even if I just end up correcting all the past mistakes I made in life. It's still worth it" Sam said.

    "Yeah the outside world doesn't show what really goes on in this place, the image is different from the mage, if you catch my drift" Vero said. "But we know."

    Vero suddenly got stabbed in the back by an invisible force, all you could see was blood squirting out of her back. She died instantly and fell down on her face, exposing two large holes that cut deep into her body. Sam cast Triangle on himself, and revived Vero. "What was......that?"

    "A rogue class of some kind" Dolphin said. She lifted up both her arms and rained down area-effect water droplets everywhere, trying to break stealth. "Damn, must be quick too."

    Steve heard leaves rustle with his straight man senses. He cast 'Charge' and rushed towards the direction of the sound in lightning-fast speed. He knocked down a Puerto Rican kid holding two small daggers. "There you are, fucker!"

    "Jose, but he's called JOJO now- I know of him. They changed him....he's transformed into a monster now, just like the black dudes at the gate."

    "You stupid sex offender!" Jose said to Sam. "Who have you tried to sex offend this time, Sam!" Jose called out, throwing a dagger right for Sam. But sam cast Triangle on himself, and it completely absorbed the damage of the dagger.

    "AIEE! He ignores aggro because he's Puerto Rican" Steve said. "Can't tank him properly."

    "I'll kite" Dolphin said, casting Chill on Jojo. "Sam, just run like hell, Steve, hurt him when you can and Vero- kick his ass!"

    Vero kept casting lightning bolts at Jojo while Sam ran away. Jojo just kept going STRAIGHT for Sam - who had to keep Triangle-ing himself while running cause of all the daggers Jojo tossed while trying to catch up to him. The caster girls kept their distance as well, while Steve used a stun rotation formula to help keep him away from Sam. Before long, Jojo died from a punch to the back of the head via Steve.

    "Well that was an interesting mini-boss, heh" Sam looked at the other three nervously.

    "Sex offender?" Vero asked, referring to what Jose had called him.

    "I was....I was here for three years as a sex offender" Sam said. "It's embarrassing, but you're my friends, so I guess I'll tell you. I was put in a sex offender cottage when I was 15 years old, but my charge was just school truancy, not sex offense! They put me in a place with REAL registered sex offenders but I never actually committed a sex offense in my life, I swear! All because I came out as gay and said I had a crush on another boy...."

    "God, what assholes" Steve said.

    "All the more reason to kick their ignorant asses" Vero said, her eyes glowing with white electricity this time, in addition to her hands.

    "I'm sorry, Sammy....." Dolphin said. The four marched onward. The path to the school wasn't street-like like they'd been on before, but was instead a side-walk.

    For some reason Sam took this time to observe what everybody was wearing. Sam was wearing a beige sweater and blue jeans, Vero's hair was in a ponytail, she had her glasses on and was wearing a white coat with a black top underneath and black slacks. Steve and Dolphin both were wearing long fleece sweaters, Steve a green one and Dolphin a blue one, natch. They had jeans on as well. Sam and Steve's shoes were white, Dolphin wore light blue sneakers and Vero had on black high heels.

    To be continued...
    Last edited by Bullets; 12-10-2009 at 03:46 AM.
    n0ki: If it weren't for faggy civilization, people like me and bnd would be totally dead by now.

  8. #8

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    Chapter 8: Jason and Justin

    Jason Mraz turned a corner and entered a long, narrow alleyway. He was shirtless and was wearing tattered blue jeans. "This is the place where those with powers go to get their soul removed." On each side of the alleyway you could see various folks that were fed up with the drama their souls had brought them. Most of them looked like circus freaks. The line was long. The alleyway itself was about half a mile.

    "Most people give up being heroes, it's just so much easier not to have a conscience. And once you don't have a soul, you become a pure demon. Of course there are different hierarchies in the demon world. But there are three types of people in this world, regular humans- those who don't have psychological insight and can't see through the veil of the world's systems. Then there are humans with powers, half-demons blessed with the terrisome moral burden of having both a soul and special abilities. And then there are the pure demons. Ex-half-demons who have lost their souls."

    Jason continued to narrate as he sneakily cut in line between two old geezers who wouldn't notice. "Two normal humans can make a kid that is special, and two special adults can have a normal child. Nobody knows exactly how being born with powers happens, maybe it's just bad luck."

    "You forgot to mention," an old man said, standing behind Jason, "Most pure demons feed off regular humans. And kill any do-gooder part-demon hybrid that stands in their way."

    Jason turned around. "Do you change your class when you become a pure demon?" Jason asked the old man. "The only pure demon I knew of was Miley Cyrus."

    "How should I know?" the old man told Jason. "I haven't changed yet either sonny."

    "But you knew......forget it" Jason said, turning back the other way. The old man's eyes looked so....empty.

    "I lost my wife, this is the only thing left" the man grumbled.

    Something inside Jason wanted to say 'get over it, stop being emo, turn back around and fight! Your soul is not worth losing...' but he would be a hypocrite.

    Suddenly, a tall good-looking middle class kid approached Jason. He was wearing a white tank top, white shorts and an a dull orange ballcap tilted to the side. "Hey, aren't you Jason Mraz. I love your music!"

    Ugh, one of the many fanboy ******s that was always up Jason's shit hole. "Yeah what's it to you?" Jason said rudely. "Can't you see I'm busy?"

    "Maybe they are right about you, maybe you are just a one-hit wonder." The kid shrugged.

    "And maybe you need my fist in your face. There are no cameras here punk. I can be as snotty to you as I please, and I can also kick your ass."

    "Bitch please! Yousea scrawny lil twink."

    "I'LL SHOW YOU TWINK!" Jason tried to punch the boy, but he grabbed his arm, twisted his wrist and picked him up by his throat. "We haven't been properly introduced. I'm Justin aka Juju. Gladiator class. And you're.....history." He threw Jason against the wall. "Okay, I totally got that off of Buffy."

    "Touche" Jason mraz said, dusting himself off.

    "Ugh your homoeroticism looks so forced and hollywood-ized" Justin said. "You are trying too hard, it looks too planned!"

    Jason got in Justin's face. "Oh yeah?"


    "Yeah....." They kept staring at each other for at least a minute. And then finally, they pulled towards each other instinctively. Jason erotically rubbed Justin's chest while kissing him deeply. He tasted like a curious mix of sawdust and black licorce. The rest of the people in line totally ignored the boys, as they were totally desensitized to anything gay because they lived in California.

    Jason nibbled on Justin's bottom lip. He ran his fingers through his hair and purred. Jason sensed something with his Shaman powers. "You're not, a full homosexual?" he asked tenderly.

    Justin pushed Jason back against the wall and gyrated his groin on the other young man's. "No, I'm bi."

    "That is so hot, so am I. I can still rape girls and be a real man. But I can also do this...." Jason slowly lifted up Justin's arm and began devouring on one of his pits with his tongue, munching and gnawing on that fucker, his head behaving like a curious puppy discovering a slipper under the bed. He deeply inhaled Justin's fresh manly scent and made a refreshing ahhh sound like the kind you make after you get to drink a tall glass of lemonade after spending a hot summer cutting the grass with your shirt off.

    Justin looked in Jason's eyes and moaned. "You know why I'm here right? Everybody thinks bisexuals are evil. I got so fed up; spending my whole life trying to prove that they're wrong, like being nice to that little sean fag - that the only thing left to do is prove that they are right. Anyways, I think you are lying sweetheart." He moved in closer, his voice a low husk. "I think you are a purebred."

    Jason punched Justin to the ground, bloodied up his lip. They wrassled for a few moments. Jason got on top of Justin and kissed him harder, his tongue darting down his throat. Jason stuck his knees into Justin's nutsack. Getting back up he spat on his face, "I ain't no ******. Take that back."

    "Next"..... a voice could be heard, but you couldn't tell what direction it was coming from. The alley appeared to end, and showed nothing but pitch blackness. But an other wordiness beckoned them to progress further into the void. 'Oh shit' Jason thought. It was their turn.

    "This is it dude" Justin said, wiping the spit off his face and letting it slop on the ground. "We could go back. Back to our conflicted, miserable, ambivalent ways...."

    "No" Jason said. "Sam has to pay. He made me love him."

    "Sam....Sam Leonard? You love Sam? THE Sam. The Sam that doesn't even know how many points a touchdown is? THAT dork" Justin laughed. Jason put his head down. "Yeah....."

    Jason and Justin stepped into the blackness and were warped into a dimension with nothing but blackness and one huge, 30-foot creature. A pure demon, shaped like a wall and had small claws that were mostly curved back into its body from old age. Her name was Cassandra, Destroyer of Souls. She had been earthed here for millions of years and spoke no language. (Well, she had lots of teeth spiraled around her body like zippers, but no mouth.) A red flash of light knocked them both down. Both boys vomited a little, and stood back up. They were out of the dimension and back into the alley again. Where there was once only darkness, there was now just a brick wall dead end, and a path to the left.

    "But now I don't love....." Jason glared into Justin's eyes. "Now I just want to have hot nasty bareback sex with you."

    Justin's heart raced. "Now you're talking. Let's go back in that other alley...." he snatched Jason's hand and whisked him away.

    The same voice that told the boys 'Next', said- from the shadows, There is evil. And there are things that create evil. But who is the creator of the creator of evil? Everybody. No exceptions. Sam thinks he can make things better. He will only make things worse, just like those he despises. Each effort a continual ripple in a dark ocean that is sorrow. I cannot wait.....for the waves of destruction. It will be beautiful.

    ~End of Chapter 8~
    Last edited by Bullets; 12-10-2009 at 03:46 AM.
    n0ki: If it weren't for faggy civilization, people like me and bnd would be totally dead by now.

  9. #9

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    Chapter 9: Starr Commonwealth, Part II

    Steve was busy tanking two Starr Thugs near the entrance to Montclam School while Sam was keeping him up with a rotation of the spells Triangle and Gain.

    "Dolphin, we need to talk" Vero said. They were watching the fight from the distance but were not really doing anything.

    "Oh this should be good...." Dolphin said.

    "Why have you been a bitch to me since I joined the party?" Vero said.


    "No, tell me" Vero insisted.

    Sam was a bit low on MP now, so he ditched using Triangle and just used Gain. "Don't get crit" he told Steve.

    "My gear isn't good enough yet...." Steve told Sam while he punched a thug's face. "Gaaah, black people's skulls are made of steel I swear."

    Dolphin took a huge breath, then let out all her frustration on the lightning mage. "You're a moderator on the forum, you make everybody you meet fall madly in love with you. You're farther along as a mage than I am... you show-off with your spells, in short- you think you're better than everybody else!"

    Vero frowned. "But I'm Canadian. We ARE better than everyone else" she deadpanned.

    Dolphin kinda smirked at that. "It's just, helping Sam is the only thing I got going in my life. I really believe in him. And I just feel like you need to believe in him even more than I do and I dunno...."

    Vero smiled. "I can't help it if I'm powerful, popular and pretty....."

    "Ladies!" Steve called out. "A little help here?"

    "Uh....right!" Dolphin said. Dolphin and Vero stood back to back in a girl power pose, made faux-guns with their hands and shot out twirling projectiles of flame and fuse at the thugs. They fell down right on the spot.

    "Mmm, I love the smell of cooked ****** in the afternoon" Sam said, sniffing his nose on the cartoony steam lines exuded from the dead bad guys. Steve just kind of gasped at that, and then smiled.

    "Make ****** jokes all you want fag....."

    Sam, Steve looked to the right. Behind a tree, out stepped Ashton! Vero and Dolphin saw him as well.

    "....But you losers need my help. Admit it."

    Sam rolled his eyes. "My supervisor. Just what we need."

    "You have no idea. I'm a Debuffer. I....debuff things. Make them weaker with snide, sarcastic, asshole comments."

    Steve nodded. "It fits. But why are you helping us, anyway?"

    Ashton smiled, albeit slightly. "Sam's Starr story, as poor-me as it is, inspired me to help put a dent into this place's infrastructure. Now don't get me wrong, I don't particularly care if any of you live or die. But, I don't like it when stupid people are in power. Especially not THESE people. They work for the government! And everybody knows how I feel about THE GOVERNMENT(tm)."

    "Yeah you only talk about it every night for 3 hours on Stickam" Vero teased.

    Ashton's theme music plays (Nihilistic angsty philosophical straight boy music) Ashton joins the party!

    "I guess you can go to the back with the girls?" Sam said.

    "No" Ashton replied bluntly. "Gay caster shit really isn't my thing.....I'm not a tank either, of course- but I'll stay in the middle. I know some melee moves in addition to my debuffs, and I can use them occasionally."

    "Yeah well, I DO need to be in the a lil cocky with that last fight but, heh" Sam waved to Ashton and scurried back inbetween Vero and Dolphin. Sam sighed, noticing that ONCE AGAIN in life, straight men were in the lead and the fags and the women are in the back of the bus! "This is exactly what I wanted to fight against" Sam began to preach, "the universal perception that straight men are the righteous heroic better-than-everybody tanks and are naturally better and stronger and faster and smell better than us" Sam said. "You know, the whole feely-good rainbowy girl power and fag power shtick."

    "I know, Sammy...." Dolphin said, about to explode in a bunch of confetti from Sam's uber loveness. "I wonder what activates your melee powers anyway" she asked, her eyes full of wonder at what adventure would unlock that.

    "Just think of this way, Sam" Vero said. "Behind every strong straight man is a cute little gay his ass into oblivion!"

    Sam giggled at that. "Yeah we can get them to make out and be gay, it is three against two!"

    "What about Sean? He's gay and a melee class....." Steve said. He and Ashton had been listening to parts of the conversation.

    "Yeah, we could use his help here! Why can't HE suddenly appear instead of Ashton?" Sam said. His tone was playful though.

    Ashton growled at that. "He doesn't care about you like you care about him. Give it a rest."

    The group member's remained silent at Ashton's entj-like insensitivity.

    "What?" Ashton said. "I have Fi. It's true."

    "Uh guys...." Steve gulped kind of nervously, but straight man authoritative like. "We're ready to go, right. Into the school? Dunno what we're in for, but my guess is- the monsters will be tougher than usual."

    Sam was boiling, but didn't directly confront Ashton. "Oooh what does he know anyway, since when did he become an expert on relationships?" he whispered to to the girls as they stepped through the wooden doors of the school.

    Vero kinda half-smiled. "You're afraid he's right, aren't you?"

    "I just want to find somebody who I love and have it be mutual, you know pure epic gay love. But it's always one guy liking the other guy more!! Why can't I find that? True love? The pathetic but classic timelessness of true love, what we all want but are too proud to admit. GOD I AM SUCH A CLICHE A POOR WIDDLE FAG THAT WATCHES LIFETIME MOVIES AND COMPLAINS TO HIS FAG HAGS!" Sam burst out in poor-me tears. "I'm tired of lopsided, uneven unrequited love!"

    "Oh, hon-ey" Vero said. "You will find it. Believe it. And, I thought you were seeing somebody?"

    "Yeah, that....I don't know. I just don't know. It's like the same deal with me and Sean, but reversed. I think, he loves me more than I love him." Sam grimaced. "A love so equal and so pure and so gay. I just want it....for everybody. Not just for myself."

    Dolphin's heart rose at Sam's inherent good-naturedness and will power to save the world and bring gay love happiness for all. "You'll figure it out. And we'll help you. But now, we have to save the world. You know, so you CAN actually date...."

    The five heroes continued to walk through the school. It was eerily silent, and had no monsters thus far.

    Vero looked over at Dolphin. "We're cool, right?"

    "Yeah. I suppose if you get too stuck-up I can always drench you with water" she teased.

    "There's something coming from the door on the right" Steve said. He used 'Charged' and bulldozed it open. Vero, Dolphin and Sam rushed up ahead. Ashton calmly walked behind Steve.

    Inside there was a class going on. Group meeting time. Sam knew of this, as for three years he did the same thing. Every weekday at about 4 pm. There were 14 teenage boys sitting around in chairs, shackled to the ground, with Renee Hunt sitting in a desk; feeding on their souls by being a bitch and playing evil social worker/Death Coach with them. From their perception, they were just talking about their issues (of course, their "issues" were whatever Renee decided they were), and supposedly getting 'help', but Sam and the others saw what was really going on. "Be honest about your sexual offenses, Darcy. Nobody wants to be like Darcy, do they?" Renee said, pointing to some scared-looking redheaded dude. "Darcy, you should know better. How long have you been here, Darcy?" Renee said, shaming him in front of the other boys. Even though the only reason he had been here that long to begin with was because his very life was tied up in Renee's witchy hands. What a sick bitch.

    Sam's eyes glowed and he approached Renee Hunt. A 30-something skinny woman with black stringy hair that looked like the typical female brunette narcissists that you see in the media. She also looked a lot like Amy Brenneman. Her face scowled at Sam's arrival. "Group meeting's over, Hell Bitch." He punched Renee and sent her twirling into a poster that said 'There is no power in being a victim,' Sam stepped back, amazed at what he just did.

    "SAMMY! YOU UNLOCKED YOUR MELEE POWERS!" Dolphin said excitedly. "Go Sam!" Steve cheered. "Yay!" Vero said. Ashton remained silent. He could tell something was kinda off still.

    "I....I don't know how I just did that but I don't have it anymore! I'm scared again!" he ran behind Steve. Renee levitated in the air and snapped her fingers. Suddenly all the boys she was "counseling" died instantly. "It appears that we have troublemakers" Renee said.

    "I believe it is time for a boss fight" Ashton said.

    ~End of Chapter 9~
    Last edited by Bullets; 12-10-2009 at 03:40 AM.
    n0ki: If it weren't for faggy civilization, people like me and bnd would be totally dead by now.

  10. #10

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    Chapter 10: Starr Commonwealth, Part III

    Renee lifted her left arm and cast the debuff 'Victimize' on Sam. Sam blinked, and felt woozy. "Not sure what that did but....I don't feel so good...." Sam tried to cure the debuff with Dispel Disorder, but for some mysterious reason it didn't work! Steve left hooked Renee in the face and then uppercutted her. She had a lot more hit points than the Starr Thugs and didn't really flinch back much from the attacks. This was going to be a LONG fight.

    Stragetically, Vero hid behind a desk placed diagonally from Renee and cast lightning bolt after lightning bolt at her. Dolphin was also with her. Dolphin studied Vero, watching how she was conserving her mana. Dolphin tried to cast Flame on Renee. But it had no effect on her. "Damn she's fire immune" Dolphin called out. "Shh!" Vero said.

    Renee suddenly extended her right arm, held out her palm and exploded the desk that Vero and Dolphin were hiding behind. Dolphin gasped in fear. She was about to finish them off, but Steve re-taunted her just in time.

    Renee wasn't hitting Steve that hard, but she was quick and precise. Steve jumped back up on the school desk Renee Group Led on, and then jumped forward, high kicking her in the face as he landed for an extra bite of damage. Ashton stood in the back, casting Debuff spells on her.

    Renee got in Sam's face. Steve tried to taunt again, but it didn't work. She smiled narcissitically at Sam. "Sam, just be honest about your problems, we are here for you! Just be honest and admit that you are a sex offender."

    "Ugh...what are you doing to him!" Dolphin cried out.

    "Okay, I...I'm a sex offender. I have lots of problems" Sam cried out. It wasn't true, of course, but Sam felt Renee had power over him. "I need help."

    "You sexually offend people? You are THIS close to being escalated to Maxi!" Renee said hatefully.

    "But I only told you what you asked me to say" Sam said, in tears and in shock. "You said that you'd be here for me if I just admitted it! But you insulted me instead! If I denied it, you'd say I was in denial even though it really didn't happen! If I didn't admit it, you wouldn't send me back home....I just want to go home again." Sam felt like that disempowered, helpless teenage boy when the state still had custody over him.

    "Sam!" Steve yelled out. "Backhand that bitch like you did before!"

    "I can't...." Sam said. "I feel weaker. I...."

    Ms. Hunt made a tsk tsk sound. Hella bitchy like. "You obviously are too sick to be reaccumulated back into society" she said.

    "What a fucking CUNT" Vero said. "She's psychologically abusing him!"

    Ms. Hunt suddenly spun around, letting the tips of her hair crawl up in Sam's nose. Then, she punched Steve as hard as she could. Steve lost a LOT of life and needed a HEAL, BAD!

    Sam tried to heal Steve, but his healing power had been reduced greatly by the Victimize debuff and the psychological abuse. He didn't believe in himself and felt weary, unsure. Ms. Hunt continued to wail on Steve. She roundhouse kicked his face, high kicked his face, leaped in the air and landed down with a punch. She grabbed his head and smashed it against the desk multiple times. He was this close to dying.

    "We can't let the tank die we can't let the tank die we can't let the tank die." Dolphin cast Chill on Ms. Hunt. Steve backpedaled while Renee crept slowly to him. Although as a boss, she cut the effectiveness of being kited in half. But still, it was helpful.

    "Good thinking Dolphin" Vero said. Vero looked up. She noticed a light fixture. And how Renee was standing right under it. Vero infused the fixture with so much lightning mojo that it broke off the ceiling and came crashing down on Ms. Hunt, comically electrocuting her and causing her skeleton to be visible for brief periods. Renee staggered, losing her balance. Steve took this time to run towards Sam.

    "She's cocky...she's toying with us. Sometimes my Taunt works, and sometimes it doesn't. She loves fucking with our heads."

    Sam kept healing Steve over and over again for little heals. It took a lot, but Steve was healed to full again. Of course now, Sam had no mana. Normally, Sam could heal Steve from near-death to full using about thirty percent of his mana. But this time, with the Victimize debuff, it took every last magic point he had.

    Renee levitated in the air again. She glowed yellow and orange, and seemed to be protected by some sort of divine force. Steve kept battering on her. No damage. Dolphin and Vero tried to use their magic against her but....again, nothing. She was immune to everything while she was in this state.

    "What the fuck is she doing" Ashton asked.

    Renee kept levitating and vibrated her body in ecstasy, she kept gathering more power. It was like she was about to orgasm. She then breathed deeply, raised out her hands and snapped both her fingers. The whole room flashed white for about a second. And then, Sam gasped when he noticed Ashton and Vero were now dead. Ashton flat on his face and Vero's dead body curled on its side. Steve and Dolphin stood there looking scared.

    "I don't have the MP to rezz!" Sam panicked.

    ~End of Chapter 10~
    Last edited by Bullets; 12-10-2009 at 03:39 AM.
    n0ki: If it weren't for faggy civilization, people like me and bnd would be totally dead by now.

  11. #11

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    Chapter 11: Starr Commonwealth, Part IV

    Dolphin got an idea. "I c-can chill the bodies....increase the time they can get a resurrection, but I don't know how long it would last. And I'd have to spend the entire battle just doing that...." she said.

    "Do it! We can't lose them. I'm tired of my friends dying" Sam called out. His MP was naturally recharging from not casting anything, but it was extremely slow.

    Ms. Hunt rushed to Dolphin. Grabbing her hair and picking her up with one hand. "You will do what, victim?"

    Steve taunted. It....worked! "Oh thank god...." Steve punched her in the face a few times. "Steve! I need to save my mana for rezzes!" Sam said.

    "I know, I...I am mitigating as much damage as possible."

    "Mitigate......" Ms. Hunt hunched her body back. "......This!" She propelled forward, jutting out her chest, and whacked Steve backwards with her boobs. He went flying back very fast and landed on the opposite counter. The attack wasted 80% of his life.

    Sam wanted to cry. Oh god, this could be it. They could all die much potential wasted. No. Come on, damnit just one more minute and he could rezz somebody.

    Ms. Hunt began levitating in the air again.....her body flashing yellow and orange.

    "Oh god no, NO" Sam called out. "DO SOMETHING!" Of course, Dolphin had to concentrate on chilling the bodies. She knew what Ms. Hunt was going to do, though. Thinking smart, Dolphin used the remainder of her MP to chill herself and Steve.

    Ms. Hunt snapped her fingers again. The flash. Sam opened his eyes. Dolphin and Steve had fallen. Killed instantly, just like the other two. Dolphin draped across Vero and Steve about 8 yards away from her.

    Sam looked at all of his friends' dead bodies. He felt a fire rise within him. He looked Renee in the eyes, confidently.

    "Oooh the poor little victim is mad" Renee taunted. Sam drew out his staff that Dolphin gave him. Sam approached Renee, never losing eye contact with her.

    "When will you grow up and realize *staff whack* nobody gives a shit about *staff whack* your ideals, you wanting to save the world *staff whack*, your little comic book world. And for the last *staff whack* fucking time, nobody cares that you are *staff whack* gay. Join the REAL world, of taxes, jobs and raising kids!" she said bossily. "Just be normal already." *staff whack staff whack staff whack staff whack staff whack.* Staff. WHACK.

    Ms. Hunt was almost dead. She was just a battered, bloody almost-corpse now. "The others don't know of our history, Mr. Leonard. You might tell them, but can they really know?" Renee said. Blood rained down from her nose into the cracks of her perfect barbie-doll narcissistic boobs.

    Sam broke the staff with his knee, pointed the sharp end at her heart and glared down into her eyes. Mascara rained down her cheeks, she looked like one of those women in gonzo porn movies after they've just been brutally throat fucked. "Face it, you need the hate I bring you to do your job. My existence is the only reason you unlocked your melee powers. You can't kill me." The staff was pierced a little into Renee's heart, but was not penetrated. Sam just kept staring at Renee Hunt for about a minute. And then finally, he retracted the staff from her chest.

    "Go" Sam said forcefully. Ms Hunt laughed at him and ran away out behind the back door, which led into to the computer lab- and ran out of the school and into god knows where.

    Sam rezzed Dolphin, then Steve, then Vero and then Ashton. Amazingly, all four of them revived and were fine. Sam hugged Dolphin and Vero, half-hugged Steve and nodded at Ashton. "Awesome plan" Sam told Dolphin.

    "Did we kill her? Did we!" Dolphin said.

    "Yeah..... we did" Sam smiled at Dolphin. He just couldn't bear to tell her the real truth, not yet.

    The gang heard footsteps down the hall. They panicked. A few seconds later, a bald black man in a dark gray business suit approached them. "Welcome to the team." Mr. Wear. Sam knew who he was, he was a demon that was even stronger than Renee Hunt. "We want to congratulate you. Please, come to my office immediately....."

    Sam didn't know what was going on. But, the party followed Mr. Wear anyway. He led them outside, and into another building. And then into a medium-sized office. The office had dark red carpeting. There was nothing in the office except a small podium with a crystal ball on top of it. And a curtain in the background, which was concealing god-knows-what.

    Mr. Wear adjusted his tie. "You have successfully orchestrated the creation of five pure demons. Six, if you count.....that other one."

    "What?!" Sam said, in shock.

    "This is some sort of mistake, ******" Ashton said. "We're demon hunters. We're not demon makers."

    "You sure about that?" Mr. Wear waved his right hand over the crystal ball and revealed Jason and Justin lying on a dingy mattress together. "These are pure demons, led on the path of righteousness by your very love and affection, Sam. Our research development team has already named them model X3242432 and prototype 492347."

    "Jason Mraz!!! JUJU??? My love ....did this?" Sam said, visibly upset.

    "And, you Ms. Dolphin." Mr. Wear smiled enthusiastically at Dolphin. "The 10-second resurrection rule is a universal law for everybody on the planet. However, with your unnatural, perverted demonic magic, you have cleverly found a way to exploit this mechanic. But in doing so, you have also indirectly created four pure demons forged from your own dark psyches. Evil clones of yourself, Miss Vero, Mr. Steve, and Mr. Ashton." He waved his hand over the crystal ball again. Evil clones of Dolphin, Vero, Steve and Ashton could be seen toturing an innocent regular human in San Francisco. They were holding a small man upside down and shaking him, his change falling on the sidewalk.

    "These four are quite impressive demons. They are forged by pure blackness......and are born preternaturally strong, unlike Miley- who needed a lot of training." Mr. Wear suddenly looked at Sam. "How's Eldanen doing?" he asked with feigned compassion in his eyes. Angrily, Sam tried to attack Mr. Wear but Steve held him back. He was way too strong for them. "These New Creations still need discipline and lots of training, but in the right hands, ooh I am just so excited at how much destruction they will bring."

    Mr. Wear continued to pace calmly in the office. "You see folks, it doesn't matter if you are half-breeds or not. You will always do evil with us, every step of the way. So why hold onto the guilt, the shame. It really isn't necessary, you know." He smiled a big white, good-looking smile at the party. "You could visit Cassandra and just make it all melt away."

    Sam stood back. "This isn't what we signed up for! We have to find some way to reverse this!"

    "Well" Mr. Wear chuckled. "If you kill your friends here, the Pure Demon replicas of themselves that have been manifested will be organically eradicated. That would be a start, hmm?"

    Sam shook his head. "You are CRAZY. I'm not killing my friends! We'll just have to go hunt the copies." Sam said, sighing.

    Mr. Wear scratched his chin. "It seems you are disinterested in our business." He paused for a long moment. "Well, I shall kill you then." He calmly walked toward The Five.

    Vero blinked. "No." She waved her hands and teleported the party out of there. They were back outside the entrance of Starr. It was now nighttime. The darkness felt like an un-earned peace. "Don't get too excited" she told the group. "I don't think my teleportation can take us very far at once."

    "Okay. Ms. Hunt is dead. Now we just gotta kill Jason Mraz, Juju, and the evil four clones!" Dolphin said. "Piece of cake, right heh?" She sweatdropped largely, knowing that it was going to be anything but easy.

    "We're just taking two steps forward, and four steps back each time" Sam said. "It's like every step, every action we take- every physical, tangible process we make, just fucks everything up even more." Sam looked around at the gang. "Let's face it. We have absolutely no idea what we're doing, we're clueless as how to REALLY fight evil. In fact, we're only causing more of it."

    Sam, Dolphin, Vero, Steve, and Ashton stood in silence and contemplated deeply.

    ~End of the Starr Commonwealth Chapters~
    Last edited by Bullets; 12-10-2009 at 03:39 AM.
    n0ki: If it weren't for faggy civilization, people like me and bnd would be totally dead by now.

  12. #12

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    Chapter 12: Wherever The Sparks Take Us

    "Vero, you have your car parked in Starr right?" Sam said. "We'll just take your car to.....I don't know."

    "We have to find some way to go to San Francisco" Dolphin said. "But we're wanted criminals...."

    "Demons own the media. Figures, eh?" Steve said.

    "We're demons too" Sam reminded Steve. "We're creating evil, just like them. It's pointless."

    "You love that word, don't you?" Dolphin said. "We can't give up, we have to keep trying."

    "Everything we touch just DIES" Sam said dramatically. "When, I'm lost....I don't know what to do, besides meditate." And he did just that.

    "I think I know what we have to do" Sam said, re-opening his eyes after about three minutes of meditation while the gang argued about what socionics type Kelly Ripa was. "Our planned actions are only making us indirectly cause more evil every step of the way, right? Well so we just have to have Vero teleport us somewhere. Randomly. Naturally. Where our soul takes us, and not our egos. Where will we end up? I don't know. I just feel it strongly, in my gut...."

    Vero shook her head. "Er Sam, I think you are becoming desperate there, hon."

    Dolphin stood by Sam. Literally, she walked next to him and stood by him. <3. "Well I think it's a great idea. What else are we to do? As long as I'm here, we will never run out of food and water."

    "I still think we should go back to San Francisco" Steve said. "Somewhere out there there is an evil version of me, soiling my reputation and making it worse than it already is."

    Sam sighed. "We'll get them. Eventually. But please? Just listen?"

    "No" Ashton said. Sam began to open his mouth, "It's not what you think" Ashton cut him off. "I said I wanted to help bring down Starr and I did that. I didn't say I was down for anything else, so.....bye. My contract here, has ended." Ashton turned around and began walking down the empty highway.

    Ashton has left the party.

    "I wonder if we'll ever see him again?" Sam said.

    "Probably" Dolphin said.

    Sam, Vero, Steve and Dolphin huddled together. "Everybody hold hands in a circle. I know it's kinda 'gay' but....just close your eyes and meditate, just focus on your breathing just let things be....and Vero will take us to wherever."

    In a swirl of beautiful lightning/wind magic, the four zapped out of Starr and into.....

    The middle of some sort of forest, although there was a brown dirt path paved for travelers. The sun was rising. There was lush green bushes and trees with red fruit all around. Apples. Cherries. Into the distance they saw a figure approach them, the silhouette of two females and what appeared to be a horse.

    "You probably teleported us in front of level 468 mobs that can hit us for fifteen times our max HP" Steve said snarkily.

    "Law of Attraction, remember Steve?" Sam said.

    "Those aren't bad guys .....that is..." Dolphin blinked as the shadows edged closer and the sunlight illuminated them into vision. "Isha and Akra!" The four ran up to greet the two women.

    "Hey Akra!" Sam said cheerfully.

    "Sam! Oh my god it's Sam" Akra said happily with the enthusiasm of a Pink Power Ranger. "What are you doing in Mune Forest?"

    "Mune has a forest named after him?" Sam said, surprised.

    "Well yes, he single-handedly saved us from the Dark Elves that were pillaging and destroying our village" Isha said. "He's the king of this kingdom."

    "Wow. Well um, we're on a mission to fight pure demons. That's what we are" Sam made a gesture his three friends. "Demon slayers."

    Dolphin took a step forward. "Oh this horsie is so pretty....." Dolphin began petting his nose. The white horse neighed, and knocked Dolphin down. It then transformed into.....GULANZON!

    Sam, Vero, Dolphin and Steve stepped back, startled. "Well hello there." Gulanzon bowed. A chubby man with huge bushy hair appeared before the gang. "I am the Great Gulanzon, Shapeshifter extraordinaire. Also known as Druid class." He looked at Dolphin. "Sorry about that mam, but I haven't gotten the horse transformation down just right so you were petting my um....thingamajigger, if you will."

    "Ew!" Dolphin said.

    "And I am a Sage." Isha curtsied to the group. She was wearing a black robe and a spellbook tucked neatly under her arm. "And I'm....a Songstress." Akra sang out a sweet melody to the gang, cartoony notes appearing out of her mouth. They all suddenly felt a little bit more alive, a little more energetic and more aware. Like the moment you step out of your house after you haven't in awhile. She was wearing a red robe.

    "Hey Gul, we saw imps in the Sahara desert with your face on them. Do you know what that's about?" Sam asked.

    "Must be a side-effect of his shape-shifting" Isha said. "He's a little trigger-happy on the casting." She smiled affectionately at Gulanzon.

    "I AM NOT!" Gulanzon spazzed. "Well, I guess that's true...."

    "So all demon hybrids can do that right, create monsters with their magic....." Dolphin asked.

    "It's accidental but yes. And well then other heroes are left to clean up after the mess. I suppose evil never goes away does it?" Isha said. "A lot of demon hybrids simply refuse to use their powers. They become hermits and do nothing but play video games in their rooms all their lives."

    "We want to be different" Sam said. "We want to make evil squirm."

    "Red ribbons rolling down mountain tops" Isha suddenly said.

    "Huh?" Sam said.

    "If you want to fight evil, maybe you should get more creative?" she suggested , her nose buried in her open spellbook.

    Sam just '....' at that. Dolphin looked at Gulanzon. "Why are you smiling?" she asked, almost angrily.

    "Huh?" Gulanzon blinked.

    "It doesn't bother you that whenever you go poof, you might be creating evil critters of you elsewhere in the world? I created four pure demons myself just recently."

    Gulanzon scratched his head. "Hmmm. Well, I suppose not. It doesn't concern me much... And hey, it's an accident! How is it really my fault?" he asked.

    "Magic should ideally be non-contradictory" Akra spoke up. "Your emotions, I'm reading them now- they are so ambivalent. So guilty, so still caught up in the drudgery of life."

    Sam grrred at that. "Yeah but we're still LIVING. How can you blame us for that?"

    "I'm sorry but we cannot help you" Isha said softly. "However, I do know somebody that can. An agent of Esther Hicks."

    Steve drooled a little. "Esther Hicks! I love her."

    "She's a Pure Demon" Sam grimaced. "She just wants our money."

    "Yes, but she is powerful beyond measure and can read energies. Not just emotions, but vibrational frequencies. Where you're going, where you've been, where you are. Do you know how delicately complicated it all is? And here you are- four little naive kids thinking you can play God!" Gulanzon said.

    "You cannot meet Esther alone, as she is a Pure Demon and you are Pure Demon Slayers- and well, she'd easily obliterate the lot of you anyway. However, her agent itself can tap into Esther's own power, and read your energies for you" Isha added.

    "She's connected to us all" Akra said happily, almost creepily.

    Steve looked up to the sky and gulped. "Uh Sam?" he asked.


    "Why does the sky have three moons?"

    Sam looked up and saw a Yellow moon and a blue moon and a red moon.....and they all looked a bit more vibrant and colorful than regular earth moon. And it was morning to boot.

    "We're not even on EARTH anymore" Dolphin said with a shock.

    "No, of course not" Akra said. "Welcome to Planet Akliash."
    Last edited by Bullets; 12-10-2009 at 03:38 AM.
    n0ki: If it weren't for faggy civilization, people like me and bnd would be totally dead by now.

  13. #13

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    Chapter 13: Akliash

    "Vero, you can teleport to other PLANETS!" Dolphin said. "You are SUCH a Mary Sue, ugh!"

    "It wasn't just ME who teleported here" Vero said, looking right at Dolphin. "It was all of us connected, remember?"

    "How far away are we from earth?" Steve asked. "This is pretty fascinating."

    "Uhhhh, a, helluva lot" Isha said blushing. "We do not really practice mathematics here. Just art and beauty."

    Sam looked around. It looked so pretty, like the Garden of Eden. Green forestry was everywhere, although the tone of everything was lighter. More happy and peaceful and idealistic looking, and romantic. "But it's not an utopia...."

    "Of course not" Isha chuckled. "Yeah this ain't no heaven" Gulanzon said. "You took your pain and strife and grief all the way up here with you." He made a zipping sound with his tongue and teeth.

    "And of course we have our own problems as well" Akra said. "Our ongoing war with the Dark Elves still ravishes."

    Sam stepped back when he saw an apple suddenly grow on a tree branch, just like that -- and fall down. It was as if Isha sensed this was coming, and caught it with her right hand extended outward, without letting go of her attention to the gang.

    "Did you do that?" Vero asked.

    Isha shook her head. "No. It's nature and reality itself." She took a moment to bite into the apple. "The natural bio-rhythmic atmosphere of self-regeneration is just well, A LOT better here than on earth."

    "You never run out of resources here" Sam said. He blinked. "So, the only war left is the war of ideas, the war of thoughts." Sam felt excited about that. He sat down on a rock. "That's where the real battle always is, isn't it? In our thoughts and ideas and perceptions."

    Isha nodded. "Yes, because it was an Idea itself that created that very tree to begin with. Even if you blew up this entire Planet - a new one can just be created later with another Idea. Granted, it may take billions of years, even eons- but it would happen. It's all about The Ideas."

    "You said they were pillaging your resources though. If resources are infinite, why would you care?"

    "Because" Isha put her head down. "They hurt our feelings" Isha said honestly. Her voice as clear as a snowflake hitting the tip of your nose. "You only remember how somebody treated you.... writing it off as 'emo' or running away in denial and suppression, does not make The Truth that connects us all go away."

    Sam got another epiphany. "The reason why our world is still suffering is because we have ignored the link between the Idea and the Manifestation. We have spent so much time playing with the mechanics that we lost sight of the big pictures. The Ideas. That which substance comes before."

    "Now you're thinking like a True Hero" Isha said with a smile. "Of course, the Pure Demons have already known this for eons and control your world because of it, you have an idea that evil will always be around forever, deeply programmed into you. Is that true? I don't know. Me saying it's NOT true, it's just another Idea itself and well, I guess- the best Idea will win."

    "The Pure Demons are here too though" Steve said.

    "People instinctively want to get away from the suffering of others. They all want to become Gods. As long as we are here, the Pure Demons will be here."

    "I....still don't know how to safely destroy a Pure Demon without fucking everything else up, but I'm learning a lot" Sam said.

    "Information can be power sometimes" Isha said. "Soldiers of both Power and Knowledge have told you lies that it was always either/or- pulling your poor selves in the direction they themselves wanted you to take. But where do you want to go?"

    "I want to learn even more" Sam said. "About my shamanism, about our powers- about why we are here. All the big questions."

    "I just realized something ELSE" Dolphin said. "Sam is even more insightful here than he was on earth......I mean back on earth you said you didn't know who a pure demon was until you were very near them. But you knew that Esther Hicks was a pure demon, and you're not anywhere near her physical, actual, can-be-hurt manifestation. That means...."

    "In Akliash, our powers become enhanced" Vero said.

    "Love each other....stay not become Narcissists" Isha warned.

    "Yeah yeah yeah, this is great- maybe we can find something here, some sort of natural kyrptonite that the Pure Demons are non-contradictoarily-ish weak against" Dolphin said. She looked to the left. You could see gorgeous fields of bright green grass that seemed to go on forever.

    "Nice word" Sam snarked.

    "If you have the Idea of it, it can be true" Isha said with a smile. "But you need more training. Keep heading down this path, and when you reach a fork in the road turn right. We will be following you on your adventure and will help you when you need it, but we have our own lives too you know."

    Dolphin tested out her powers by casting a water spell as big as a real-life waterfall, about 20 yards away. "Wow....this is amazing. I have so much more MP and HP."

    "But the monsters are stronger here too, I imagine" Sam said.

    "How come when Gul fucks up his magic, the demons appear on earth but when we fuck up OUR magic, they appear on earth too?" Dolphin asked.

    Isha smiled. "That's exactly the reason Gulanzon, Akra and myself came to Akliash. We longed for a better world, not perfect- but better. We were about to become Pure Demons ourselves, but we fought through the pain and sought another way out. This place is pretty secret you know. Very few know of its existence. The planet itself is very strong and powerful but sadly, also quite small. About the size of Texas. It took me five years studying my spellbooks to learn how to get to this place."

    "But you're not heroes" Sam said. "I mean no offense, you're great people and all- but you kinda just escaped, ya know? This land is protected from demonic side-effects, but still- the evil IS created. Just elsewhere. You just don't have to be bothered with cleaning up the messes you make."

    Akra put her head down. "You're right. We all want out I suppose. And what makes you think you'll be any different?" Akra said.

    Sam thought long and hard about that while he, Vero, Steve, Dolphin, Isha, Akra and Gulanzon all walked down the very long dirt path.

    Meanwhile, back on Earth.....

    Jason Mraz was lying in bed with Justin. Jason had his hand very close to Justin's nipple like they do on soap operas. "Mmm honey, I've been thinking....since we've known each other for like, all but one day - It's time to open the relationship up!"

    "So soon?" He said sarcastically. Poking fun of the way gay men have too much sex.

    Jason held up a book he had been reading. "Dark tantra. I've been studying it for the longest time. Of course the public thinks I'm studying that Light Shaman Magic crap like Sam does but HA. Get this, Cassandra isn't the only method to become a Pure demon."

    "Well I already knew that" Justin said.

    "But did you know you can turn somebody into a pure demon by fucking them in the ass?" Jason said. "We can channel our dark energies, create more Pure Demons out of rape victims. Of course it only works on Demon Hybrids, but that's the challenge. I tried to use it on that bitch Pink awhile back, but it didn't work cause I wasn't pure."

    "I don't want you to get hurt babe" Justin said, looking deep into his eyes.

    "I won't. Now come on. Let's go to the gay bar and make us some pure demons." Jason Mraz stood up, showing off his hot chest. "That's my mission. I want to have sex with every gay man in the world, and make them a pure demon like me. I think I finally found my purpose in life."

    ~End of Chapter 13~
    Last edited by Bullets; 12-10-2009 at 03:38 AM.
    n0ki: If it weren't for faggy civilization, people like me and bnd would be totally dead by now.

  14. #14

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    Chapter 14: The Ideas

    Sam talked aloud while the party walked down the road. "It's just all an idea, first. Where do ideas the head? Can we go in our own heads and defeat the bad ideas?" Sam said- trying to wrap his brain around everything.

    Dolphin patted Sam on his shoulder. "Don't go crazy, Sammy....."

    "We'll learn more eventually" Steve said, stretching out his body. "Hey, a little snack please Dolph?"

    Dolphin nodded, tried conjuring a simple biscuit for Steve to eat but she ended up making a long table with a full-course thanksgiving dinner instead!

    "I guess just grab what we want" Sam chuckled. Sam quickly gobbled on the stuffing, his favorite. The party took a small eating break, and then went back on their way.

    They had arrived to the fork in the road like Isha said they would. They all turned right. As soon as they did however, the forest got dark, as if the sun had set. "Whoa, the days are shorter in Akliash" Vero commented.

    "No. It's just, sunlight does not reach this particular area. Master needs his privacy" Isha said.

    They walked deeper in the forest, Sam got frightened, however, when he noticed the dirt path ended and it began to just get more and more wild. And the scenery began to look more real; more dangerous.

    Gul took out a machete from his pocket, and whacked down the vines and bushes that were in their way. "The path let out but we go in the same direction" he said.

    Sam felt something on the back of his neck. He slapped it, and a bright yellow bug fell to the ground. It looked sort of like a bee, except it was glowing. Similiar to, but not entirely like a firefly, because its entire body was glowing. Also green goo oozed out of its butt.

    "I think I got stung" Sam said, worried. He began to feel woozy, his vision blurred. He cast Dispel Disorder on himself, and began to feel a lot better.

    "They use advanced poisons, can't really go through here without some sort of debuff remover" Akra said. The party made their way through the bees, with Sam and Gulanzon dispelling all the poison-debuffs from the bugs like crazy, and touching everybody up with heal spells. (Gulanzon's heal form is a fairy for extra gayness)

    For another three minutes they all began walking down this hill that began to get more and more steep. 'Aieeeee" Vero screamed, stopping herself as they suddenly reached the edge of some sort of cliff. She almost fell down, but Akra grabbed her back just in time. The party looked down, it was as though they reached the end of the world and there was just a huge black pit. You could see nothing ahead of you except blackness. Even the sky was black now.

    "Allow me" Akra said. She stepped forward, and began to sing a line from "Stairway to Heaven." A beautiful luminous pearl staircase materialized in the blackness, and the party walked down it. "Can we get a railing here too?" Gul asked while trying to remain his balance.

    "Just be careful, easy does it- single file line" Steve said. Sam was behind Steve, Dolphin was in the rear. Gulanzon was in front of Steve, then Vero, then Akra, with Isha in the lead.

    Dolphin bumped into Sam, she looked back down and realized the staircase was disappearing from the top, step by step. "GO FASTER" she screamed to the gang. It was too late however, and the entire stairway gave out and the seven heroes fell down to their doom......

    Thinking fast, Gul transformed into a huge black bird known as a Garuda, and swooped the party up with his talons. He just kept flying and flying, until they arrived at a very small grassy island in the middle of the blackness. The grass here was a bit brighter than in the dark forest. Gul safely put the party back down, and poofed back into his human form. On the island, there was a single lone house. Extremely tiny. But when you walked in the brown door, one could see a huge laboratory.

    A small bald man wearing a blue kimono and wielding a cane approached the party. He looked young, but acted as though he was old. "I am Sigma, the Master of Everything" he said.

    "Hey it's that patronizing philosopher guy that posts on the 16types forum!" Sam said. "Sigma, right?"

    Sigma nodded. "But please, call me Master. Because I do happen to know more than you." He winked at Sam.

    In the lab you could see black screen reels high up on the walls that played nothing but a continuous stream of pluses and minuses. The pluses were green, and the minuses were red, naturally. It looked sort of like how you read stocks at the bottom of your tv screen, though they moved a bit slower than that. The lab had a lot of computers, and various other gadgets and technology Sam had never seen before. What was most interesting about the house though, was there was just this huge lab, about the size of Wal-Mart; there was no traditional rooms.

    "W-what's that" Sam asked Sigma, pointing to the black screens up top.

    "That is a recording of the Vibrational Energy of everything in the known universe. It almost always reports a constant stream of equal pluses and minuses" Sigma said. "But balance ought not to be confused with true goodness, everything is naturally dying you know, collapsing into a void. Balance equates inevitable destruction due to living in an Entropic world of Diluted Ideas."

    "But it's all just an idea right, this planet here. Earth, too." Sam made a huge wide, dramatic gesture with his hands. "Everything. So, another one will just be created later, right?"

    Sigma shook his head. "Well ideally yeah, but erm" Sigma scratched his chin. "You don't have any idea what Ideas actually are, do you, my children?" he said. "Come with me."

    The party followed Sigma into a corner with a bunch of long tubes, about 8 feet wall and 4 feet wide.

    "Even somebody as great as me can't encapsulate most Ideas, I have however, found a way to mirror the Ideas in others if they are close." Sigma took a moment to insert some sort of chip with a wire attached, in everybody's ear. He then walked over to a control panel and began fiddling with some buttons.

    In the tube across from Sam, Sam saw himself as a very hunky gay male in the most colorful decked out Shaman robes wielding an epic staff. It was like, as good as he ever could possibly be, and then some. He was glowing, sparkly. And damn did his pecs look hot. "Not to be a narcissist, but I look SO FUCKING COOL!" Sam said.

    Vero saw herself in some sort of black nightie wielding a whip that sparked at the tip. Steve saw a bad ass manly straight man tank in red plate gear and a long glowing sword. Dolphin saw herself in a beautiful blue robe and magician hat. Akra saw herself as a gorgeous Pop-Star Diva with a microphone that doubled into two long-swords. Isha, an epic sage with multi-layers of clothing and a spell book that could be thrown as a boomerang, and Gul as a cool looking druid wearing an outfit with many feathers on them.

    "We don't look like a bunch of dorky emo kids anymore" Steve said. "We look like actual superheroes destined to save the world."

    "These are your Core Essences, your Pure Ideas. These are your True Selves, that part of you the most virtuous and the part of you that is the most eternally good, with no contradiction. Pure Gods" Sigma said.

    "Vero still looks hotter than me though!" Dolphin said with a chuckle.

    "But, my children, you also need to see something else" Sigma fiddled with the controls again.

    Sam got scared when he saw a really confused, insecure and scared gay man that looked so timid, nerdy and awkward. Wearing an outfit from Target and shit. His face all covered in acne and his hair caked with dandruff. Ew. Steve saw the same thing. Then their pictures changed AGAIN into all various forms of everything they really were, and could be. Sam got embarrassed when he saw one of the ideas was him in a leather harness, completely naked, with a ball gag in his mouth.

    Sam finally 'got it.' "Ideas don't start in the head. They end there. Ideas are actual beings, actual creatures!"

    Sigma nodded. "Very good, my child. These are your True Enemies, and your True Friends. All ideas. Your perceptions of each other, mingled together- you help mold one another in your minds based on the relationships you choose. Where you will end up? Well......who knows. The Ideas transmit themselves to you, based on your life experiences. Thoughts don't just become things. Thoughts ARE things."

    "Where are these Ideas. In order to become True Heroes with no subconscious negativity in our vibration, we have to defeat our dark sides" Sam said.

    Sigma shook his head. "Ideas can change into many things, but each individual Idea is one pure form. You have to understand, even if you don't like THIS idea of you" Sigma showed Sam a version of himself that was fat, effeminate and had a 'Pedo-smile.' If you kill that idea, since your Idea, capital I, is a whole being- you ALSO kill THIS idea of you", Sam saw himself as that sexy manly bad-ass Shaman again. "If you do that, since that idea is your Core Essence, well then no more Sam. Forever." The party saw all images fade out on the tubes. Sigma then turned off the machine and removed the wire from their ears.

    "We each are our own idea" Sigma said, looking right at Sam as he yanked out the cord from his ear. "The idea can be many things depending on our choices and circumstances, but it's still just one Idea. The Idea of Vero, The Idea of Sam, the Idea of Dolphin, The Idea of Gulanzon, The Idea of Isha, the Idea of Akra, and The Idea of Steve."

    "Earth is what we call a very balanced dimension, so most people are inbetween their darkest sides and their best sides but in all reality, the awkward, nerdy side of you is just as powerful as the bad-ass side of you" Sigma said, taking a moment to bow down spiritually. "Your Core Essence does not make the same prejudices you make about all the other 'Yous' you really are. That is really why it is most appealing, hmm?"

    Sam thought for a moment. "Okay but you still didn't answer my first question. Where are the Ideas? They are actual beings right, so they must be in some sort of dimension, right? Another planet, perhaps"

    Sigma nodded. "Well yeah, maybe, but we do not know. Nobody knows that yet. Not even I. Not even Plato or Aristotle really knew!"

    "But that's what we really have to do, we have to go after the IDEA of Jason Mraz" Sam told the gang.

    "Wouldn't we be murderers then too? Technically, Jason was once innocent. I'm not sure that's the way" Vero said.

    "My....head hurts" Dolphin said, trying to think of just how the world will be saved. "This is all really fascinating, but I'm not sure what we can actually DO with this information, except create more evil."

    "You're an agent of Esther Hicks, you work for a pure demon, though you're not a pure demon yourself" Sam said, looking at Sigma right in the eyes.

    Sigma nodded. "I'm afraid so. You could try to dispose of me if you wish, but it wouldn't be easy." He positioned himself in a dorky 'kung-fu' pose.

    "No" Sam sighed. "You have your reasons for working with evil, I'm sure. But you have all this wisdom. Why help both sides?"

    "Why do YOU" Sigma asked, getting a little snotty.

    "Come on Sam" Isha said. "We're done here. I know of somebody else that can be of service to you. It is time that you meet His Majesty, King Munenori."

    ~End of Chapter 14~
    Last edited by Bullets; 12-10-2009 at 03:37 AM.
    n0ki: If it weren't for faggy civilization, people like me and bnd would be totally dead by now.

  15. #15

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    May 2007
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    Chapter 15: Back(street) on Earth

    Jason Mraz entered a gay bar in San Francisco, called Backstreet, with his arm wrapped around Juju/Justin. Both boys were shirtless. Jason was wearing cargo pants and brown sandals. Justin was wearing blue marky mark jeans; you could see the band of his underwear. One could see a sea of men, just livin' it up and dancing to the music. Lady Gaga's 'Poker Face' was blaring through the woofers.

    Twinks. Bears. Otters. Seals. (Don't ask). Every flavor of gay men was here. "Well this shouldn't be too hard" Jason said scanning his environment. He saw a very straight-acting guy in the corner, taking some shots of vodka.

    Jason approached the man. "Hey. You're hot. Let's fuck." Justin stepped in, "Uh sorry about that my boyfriend can be a bit We really mean, we just wanna dance, yeah. Dance. What's a cutie like you doin' standing in the corner by yourself, anyway."

    The man looked at Justin. Eyes glaring him down the way an owl would a mouse. "Don't call me cutie. Ever."

    Justin blinked. "ASHTON!?? Is that YOU. No fucking way man!"

    "I'm not gay" Ashton said. "I'm just here to kill gay men for sport. It's fun watching them cry like girls when I snap their necks."

    Justin and Jason just .... at that. "Well we do need a challenge. If we can rape somebody as tough as you, we know we can rape anybody" Jason said.

    "Excuse me" Ashton said, remaining chill and cool and confident. Just standing there, eyeing the boys.

    Without talking, Jason grabbed a clear green beer bottle and smacked it across Ashton's face as hard as he could. He then leaned over and pinched his adam's apple. Ashton writhed back in pain. Jason stood behind Ashton and began battering his skull repeatedly with his fists. Ashton tried to cast a bunch of debuff spells on the boys, but Jason healed them all with his Dispel ability. Yep, he was still a Shaman. "I guess that answers what you've been wondering about, honey. You do indeed keep your class when you become a Pure Demon" Justin said while punching Ashton in the gut.

    These ******s don't even notice or care when another one of them is in pain Ashton thought. They are all lost in their own little worlds, texting each other and giggling in some school-girl fantasy fairytale. "H-help!" Ashton cried out. Even though he disliked asking others for help.

    "Ooh rough 'rape' sex at five o'clock!" A blonde twink yelled out, wearing a blue sparkly shit and black leather pants. And high-heels. Ew. He used bitchy gay hand quotes when he said the word rape.

    "You sick fag. This isn't consensual 'play.' These fuckers are really trying to rape me!" Ashton said.

    But fags never learned how to fight. They just stood there, frightened and mesmerized. Like they should DO something but could only remain frozen, immobile. Lost in lifeless, languid energy. The sea of gay men just got all deer-in-the-headlights for a few seconds, then went right back to partying as if nothing had happened. Jason and Justin just smiled at this, finally pummeling Ashton to the point where he was almost unconscious. They dragged Ashton out of the bar, and into the alley. Blood streaked down his face, his shirt tattered and torn, claw marks on his chest.

    Justin held Ashton in a head lock while Jason tore off his pants, lifted his legs on his shoulders and thrust his dick in his asshole. Ashton screamed out, but Justin grabbed his tongue and scratched it, permanently serrating it with his nails. "Feel the dark" Jason said as he slammed his penis in Ashton's chocolate starfish over and over again. "Feel the dark."

    "Cry" Justin ordered as he tried clawing Ashton's eyes out. Ashton tried to fight back instinctively, but could only helplessly recoil defensively, the white cells in his body doing everything they can to work at repairing what would probably be irrecovable damage to so many organs in his body. Ashton refused to show any pain even though he was feeling the burning, oh the burning- he just continued to look confidently in Jason's eyes while getting raped.

    "Umbuh chumbuh cuma duggya" Jason repeated with each thrust. His jaw eventually collapsed open and the sound began to come out completely from the deepest part in his throat. A dark swirl of misty mojo started to emanate from Jason's groin. His eyes pitch black and possessed.

    "Dark tantra?" Ashton recognized that chant pretty well. "Idiots. You're all idiots."

    "Shut the fuck up" Justin said. He grabbed a brick and smashed it down on Ashton's face.

    "I AM ALREADY A PURE DEMON, NUMB NUTS" Ashton screamed out while his intestines flooded with semen.

    Panting, catching his breath, Jason looked down at Ashton. "Oh.....shit?" Jason's eyes became softer, fatigued. And swelled up. Just that swelling thing, the same kind of physical swelling he felt after he raped Pink. He felt fear, or was it compassion, or was it guilt? He couldn't tell. What was happening? Jason was a pure demon now, he shouldn't be having these feelings. They weren't as strong as before, not in the least. But they were still there, it all kinda felt like a dying tree trunk. The feelings didn't make him crazy any more. Or feel morally responsible. But they were there.

    "I was forged from pure darkness. The blackest you'll ever see." A beat. Dark Ashton suddenly laughed. "Okay, okay maybe not the blackest ever but hey, it was pretty black and all. You think you hurt me, make me feel?" Ashton stopped a moment to calmly smear his face with his own bloody feces leftover from the rape. "You haven't any idea what's in store for this whole Planet. Mother is coming." He began to get dressed.

    "Mother?" Jason asked, his knees trembling.

    Dark Ashton ignored that and continued to speechify, "You two are pure demons but you're both still tainted. You think you can eradicate the nature of love? Cassandra can wipe away the technicalities but she can't change the history of that which you were. You are still trapped in the dimension of the tale chasing its tail. Still vibrationally connected to - *Yeargh* -- (Dark Ashton made a kind of puke face and spitted out violently when he said *Yeargh*. His face spasmed for a few seconds, and his body momentarily flashed in the form of an ancient skeleton. 'Yeargh' clearly referred to something not yet knowable) -- even though the woodwork ain't there anymore."

    Jason and Justin just kind of looked at each other, then looked back at Dark Ashton. "I guess this means you won't be joining our group?" Jason asked.

    "Are you kidding me? You raped me. I will get back at you when your backs are turned." Dark Ashton walked off in the alleyway.

    Jason looked at Justin. He was clearly scared. "We're not safe here. We have to.....leave."

    "Where?" Justin asked.

    "I....don't know. Let's just.....go." Jason angrily walked off into the darkness, the opposite direction Dark Ashton took, with Justin following him closely like a golden retriever puppy.


    Meanwhile, the REAL Ashton is on the internet on a stickam chat room....

    "Honey, what are you doing?" Ashton's mom called out with a laundry basket tucked under her arm.

    "Just psychologically toying with sheltered, naive housewives on the internet. Like I always do" Ashton called out. "And I thought I told you to knock?"

    "You remember what you told mommy?" Ashton's mom said. "Hmm, Pookie-bear?"

    "Ugh mom, stop that. I have a reputation online as a hard ass that makes purely direct commentary without a grain of fanfare. They can't know that I'm really a mama's boy that's supported by the very government I rant against!" Ashton undocked himself from stickam and closed the window (Of course he also had himself on 'mute' when he said all that.)

    "Listen mister. You fly right over to San Francisco and kill your Evil Twin. Your reputation isn't destroyed like the others, so you can take a plane with no security issues." She handed Ashton a white envelope. "You can make a difference."

    "Fine" Ashton sighed, getting up. It was time for Ashton to prove his bravery in the REAL WORLD(tm), not just online. "And of course I'm more careful about my powers than Sam and his cartoon pals" Ashton said. "They don't value Te so they don't know how to coolly play the external world. And most of em don't value Fi either, so they always indirectly give the bad guys ammunition to ruin their lives by oversharing their subjective emotional impressions and revealing their weaknesses all out in the open like paint splashed on by a three-year-old. You might as well say 'Please gut me open, Demon!' Dumbasses."

    Ashton's mom just blinked at that. "Te? What the hell is 'Te'? Do I have to raise your adderall prescription AGAIN?"

    "You believe me when I tell you that I'm a half-demon hybrid with powers and that an acquaintance I know of indirectly created an evil version of myself that's terrorizing San Francisco, but you get all Normal Nancy on me when I try and teach you about soci-fucking-onics? Oh mother. Your Ni polr. It burns."

    Ashton's mom just sighed. " careful. And don't forget your sweater honey, it's cold outside."

    20 minutes later, Ashton could be seen outside in the dark making a call from a payphone booth. He would just use his cell, but the payphone felt more ....fitting and emotionally resonant and movie scene-y.


    Allie was making art in her room. Allie likes to make art, because she's an artist. She answers the phone. "Oh hey Ashton."

    "Uh, hey. I have to go hunt my evil twin. Hate to admit it, but I'm kind of scared. You want to come with?"

    "Sure!" Allie said. "We are duals after all, so we'd make quite the team." Allie and Ashton chatted about the details a bit more, then she hung up. She walked over to her closet. She opened it, and you could see just normal clothes all normal young women wore. But behind that there was a secret compartment that you open by gently sliding your hand up on a certain spot on the wall. Inside was an armored bronze outfit with orange-y red flame design. Made up of half-cloth, half-steel. To the left of the armor was a staff holstered to the wall, with a yellow diamond tip about the size of a baseball.

    "Looks like the world needs me to be Allie the Battle Mage again" she said with a satisfied smile on her face while staring at her garment. Allie's theme music plays (a sweet poppy melody that naturally ascends to sharper and bitchier notes- and ending with a kind of epic saga-y feel of womyn power. It's also a little Bat Girl-esque but not too much so.)

    ~End of Chapter 15~
    Last edited by Bullets; 12-10-2009 at 03:35 AM.
    n0ki: If it weren't for faggy civilization, people like me and bnd would be totally dead by now.

  16. #16

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    May 2007
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    Chapter 16: The King Without His Crown

    "I would have Vero teleport us to Mune's place but since powers are enhanced here, she'd just teleport us to Pluto or something" Isha said, leading the party through a particularly rough area with a lot of steep climbing. Not mountainous or hilly, but somewhere in-between. There was a lot of stonehenges. The cliffs were gray, the sky was partly cloudy.

    "We could dilute our powers through meditation" Sam said, while climbing a rock. They had been traveling for quite some time now. "Did it before" he looked at Dolphin and smiled.

    "But even meditation is stronger here so you'd just sink us into the middle of the earth!" Akra said.

    "Even meditation is magic I guess. Counter-magic but still magic. Argh! Why does it have to be so complicated" Sam said.

    "It's good for us. All this walking" Steve said.

    "You know, I never understood that" Sam said. "The fat people that worked at Kroger's walked a lot but they are still really fat. And ugly."

    "What is Adam going to teach us?" Vero asked. She called him that, instead of 'King Mune' because they dated for awhile, and she out of anybody knows the human, vulnerable side of Mune.

    "You'll see" Isha said. They finally reached a huge wall that was too steep to climb. It was so tall that when you looked up you couldn't see the top. "Rise" Isha said and the entire party levitated in the air. Everybody except Gulanzon levitated normally, instead he cartoonishly spun around upside-down while he floated upward. Getting fed up, he decided to transform into a small yellow bird instead. And just flew his way up.

    "I have levitation spells too!" Akra said. "So do I, I think?" Sam said. "But Sages do it the best" Isha said confidently. "I could have just cast a water sprout" Dolphin said. "But let's not get too nitpicky here. The wall. Whatever way. It's climbed."

    "Uh, Isha dear, could we take a little break?" Gulanzon asked when the party reached the top.

    "I suppose" Isha said. She walked off quietly and kneeled down on a rock. Gulanzon huddled the rest of the party together. "Guys, I can't keep this a secret any longer. As you've probably already guessed, Isha and I are a couple. But that's not all. I'm asking her to marry me. Sure, we've only been dating for a couple years but hehe."

    Sam just remained quiet, couldn't think of anything to say but he smiled. "Wow, awesome!" Akra said. "Good for you man" Steve said. "Yay!" Vero said. Dolphin smiled. "Who's the best man?" she asked.

    "Well since I'm kinda fat and nerdy and androgynous and have poofy hair, I never really had any male friends" Gulanzon looked around. "Druid classes are usually ostracized from all that you know. Some boys heal instead of play football, DAMNIT SOCIETY!" He made a dramatic gesture with his fists.

    Dolphin gave Sam a 'look' and he knew what she meant. He needed to stop being so damn introverted, so self-contained. He should show his love more. Give. Maybe it was a key part of his Hero's Journey. "I-I will be your best man" Sam said. Giving playful, sitcommy 'I hate you but love you' eyes to Dolphin.

    Gulanzon bubbled up and wrapped his arms around Sam, almost tackling him with affection. "YAAAAAY!" his eyes slanted in anime joy. "But t'yeah, part of why I came to Akliash are the gender roles are not only lax, but also reversed. The women are the warriors and the men usually stay home and cook. Being gay, you might like that Sam?" He then looked at Vero. "Being Canadian, you might like more of it?"

    "I don't know. This place is awesome, and magical and great and lovely and all those wonderful things. But it's also kind of a velvet coffin? I'd feel too guilty somehow." Dolphin agreed with Sam 100%, but Steve was ambivalent. "Dunno. What makes us so sure that we're really earth's heroes anyway. What are we really saving here? We don't even like anything about the real world, how it really is. We just like our Ideals" Steve said. Sam and the others rejoined with Isha again.

    Sam nodded at Steve. "Yeah, the Ideas. A war is going on, somewhere far away- that's effecting all Worlds, all Planets. Even what I say now. My brain is going crazy thinking of all the possibilities. Am I really making choices? How much free will do we have? Every thought, mixed together or not, every single spec of thought. That's an actual being, fighting for dominance in a far, faraway land? Wow!" Sam said. "We have to find a way to get to wherever the Ideas live."

    "People have tried to study and practice how to do just that, and they all went insane. Locked up in mental institutions. And also ended up in this 'Starr Commonwealth', whatever that is" Isha said. "That may be for naught."

    "Yeah Sammy" Akra said, "I once knew a guy who tried to meet an Idea and he's dead now. He teleported himself in an unlivable dimension to humans. The atmosphere suffocated him instantly on arrival."

    They continued walking. They were way far up now. You could see a lot of Akliash from up here. How it was mostly just very sunny and grassy and beautiful. Like Nagrand in World of Warcraft only cooler than that times five. When Sam looked up he noticed red dragons flying all around them.

    "Relax" Isha said. "Dragons are peaceful creatures. They are on our side." she said. As they walked a little more, they saw more and more dragons. Sam saw a castle in the distance. The party remained silent, just in awe of the surroundings, and entered the castle. The castle was surprisingly empty, and had nothing in it but a beautiful wide red carpet and huge windows from the side pouring in lots of natural sunlight. You could tell by the tone and hue of the sunlight that it was evening. The emotional energy felt really serene but also rather......lonely? The party noticed a man at the end of the main hall, staring out a window.

    "Hey Adam!" Vero called out, waving her hands. Mune turned around. "Oh wow. I don't get visitors often!" he said. "Please uh. Have seats. Well, there are no seats. I can change that." He clapped his hands and magically manifested seven different seats for them. Gulanzon, got a green bean bag. Sam, a leather chair- the same one he had in his real home back on earth. Akra a fuzzy red loveseat. Everybody's favorite place to put their tush on appeared, appropriate to the individual.

    "How did you ....know?" Sam said, spinning around in his chair.

    Mune began to explain while cupping his hands together, "I'm a King class. I just kinda manifest stuff. It's all just material though. I mean sure it's what you want, but are you your chair, Sam?" Mune said- getting surprisingly philosophical. Well not so surprising compared to what they were used to. "You have to look within to derive any meaning you got from the chair, and you only had the meaning of the matter cause you lived with it. Experience.... You didn't just try to fix everything with one grand gesture all at once" he sighed as if beating himself up about something.

    "I heard you were pretty powerful, but creating shit with just your thoughts?" Steve said. "Pretty bitchin."

    "So I conjure food and water and he can conjure....everything?" Dolphin said. "Great." Dolphin's ongoing jealously problem was so cute, Sam thought.

    "I can't conjure love. Can't conjure spirit. And no, I can't make an Idea appear either, so don't ask for that. It's just well, material stuff" Mune sighed.

    Sam looked at Mune. "They made you sound so cool. I didn't think you'd just be here, in this lonely castle, feeling sorry for yourself. You have such an awesome power, sure with its limitations but we all have that. What makes you any more special!" Sam said. He felt a little weird getting so angry. "Uh, I'm sorry Mune. It's just.....we're desperate for a lot of answers."

    "It's okay, Sambo. I will explain. You see I'm so positive, so purely positive and uplifty, I hated earth you know. Well hate's an inaccurate word. I can't hate people, cause I'm MUNE, but more like- I just dismissed it. Earth is so dark and ugly and disgusting and negative. My powers are really advanced here in Akliash you know, like back home I couldn't manifest a truck like I could here. So yeah, but see, the real kicker is that despite how I loathed earth, I didn't MEAN to come here. Not intentionally."

    "Huh?" Dolphin said.

    "My internal vibration just kinda swooped me up, here. Naturally. You know I'm always so upbeat. I guess I kinda uh - ascended?" Mune blushed. "And I came here, and was was quickly made king. The forest critters promoted me as King cause I helped with the Dark Elves threat. But because I'm always so happy everybody ignores me because I'm just so boringly nice!"

    Vero smiled. "That's why I broke up with him. As morbid as that sounds."

    "You guys have fire and grit" Mune said. "I can sense it. Like you want to do something REAL, substantial and effect-y - but you don't know what yet. Hmm. I wish I could help you know, but I really can't. I could just maybe conjure an anvil you could drop on a pure demon, or something?"

    Lightbulb clicked on in Sam's head. "You're purely positive. That vibration thing, the same thing Sigma and a few others have been talking about. You can defeat a pure demon without causing anything negative in return. You're the one, Mune!" Sam's eyes lit up.

    "Uh but Sam, Mune CAN'T go back to earth. He's too good, he'd just float up back here again. He's just so damn....positive. It's endearing but how is it gonna help us save the world?" Dolphin said.

    "He can try harder. Neutralize his atoms? I don't know. But he has to do it!" Sam said excitedly.

    "Well, if I'm going to help, I'd need my crown to do it. See uh, I....I lost corporeal form" Mune said, frowning. "I can create matter but I myself am not matter anymore" Mune said sighing. Vero tested this out by touching Mune's crotch and having her hand go right through this his penis. "I would ascend to a place even higher than Akliash, but my grief forbids me. I am a type of ghost, I suppose. My crown dampens my powers, allowing me to be physical again."

    "We'll help you" Sam said matter of factly. "We'll get your crown. Where did you lose it? No, wait, let me guess. An area with a bunch of powerful monsters. It will be very dangerous!"

    Mune smiled. "You know the drill, Sambo. Yeah. That." Mune joined the party! Mune theme's music plays. Something medieval and kingly but also REALLY, really upbeat.

    There were eight of them now. Sam, Dolphin, Steve, Vero, Isha, Akra, Gulanzon and Mune.

    "So where to?" Akra asked. She looked at Sam and smiled. "Specifically, I mean."

    "Through the Quicksand Forest, past the Skeleton Graveyard- and then finally in the Stormlands. It will be quite a journey" Mune said.

    "What, no 'Ice Cream Mountain?'" Gulanzon asked, wondering if anybody got that reference.

    ~End of Chapter 16~
    Last edited by Bullets; 12-11-2009 at 02:07 AM.
    n0ki: If it weren't for faggy civilization, people like me and bnd would be totally dead by now.

  17. #17

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    Chapter 17: The Law of Distraction

    Back on earth....

    Esther Hicks ( ) was giving one of her sermons to about a hundred people in her latest workshop. She is one of those self-help gurus that Steve is obsessed over. They were sailing on some cruise ship, in some huge auditorium. "Ask and it is given. You can do it! You are loved all is well, just get in the vortex. It's gay people's own damn fault why they're hated and can't get married like us normal people. Jewish people caused the holocaust!" she said. Her husband Jerry Hicks was sitting there about fifteen yards away from her, writing down all the stuff she said on his computer. He had his mouth half-open in wonder as if what she was saying was actually interesting.

    People kept looking up at Esther in awe. I don't give a shit about them, why would I care- I charge $250 per ticket. I'm fucking rich. God what naive morons. They're actually buying this crap. she thought as she yammered on and about 'vibration' this, 'Abraham' that.

    Esther stepped forward, kicking off her shoes the way she does when she makes everybody thinks she's a good-natured hippie that just wants love for all of humankind. "Jerry baby, I'm hungry." She looked over at all the pathetic, middle-class people in the chairs sucking up to her. "I need to eat." She saw a morbidly obese episcopalian lady in the front row. She picked her up and gnawed on her head like a lollipop, and finally devoured her whole, Esther's eyes turning a deep black while her jaw stretched to fit the massive lady. When she burped, it caused a mini earthquake. Upon witnessing this horrific scene, the rest of the people screamed all at once and began running around frantically. But Esther just calmly walked and ate and/or killed every single one of them. "You're just regular humans with souls, half-demons usually know that I'm evil and avoid me. But you still serve your purpose. As food." She smiled as she picked up a 5-year-old boy and easily slid him into her mouth. A balding blue-collar man tried to knock Esther down by whacking her hard with his chair, but she just stood there. She then spun her head 360 degrees and stuck a reptile tongue out, exploding his skull upon contact.

    "I'm sorry folks" Jerry said, honest empathy sparkling in his eyes. "It's just my wife is stronger than most pure demons, and so she needs a lot of fuel to sustain herself on earth. We cover up our tracks beautifully because we know what people in the external world want to hear. I'm um....I'm terribly sorry" he said. "Honey, do you really have to do the exorcist head-thing?" he asked.

    Esther looked around. Everybody in the room was either dead or eaten. Except for one small baby in a carriage. He was wrapped up in a light blue blanket. Esther walked over to the baby. "Aw what a cute little thing!" she said. She picked the baby up. It's eyes happily gleamed at Esther and it made the cutest 'coo' sounds. Esther then got this sociopathic glare in her eyes, and squeezed the baby so hard it began crying, then turned blue and began to pass out. She then tore it half, making guttural huffing sounds like that Satanist in the X-Files episode with that one pig. "Can't feed on babies too much, they're like our junk food." She stuck her tongue in her teeth the way those middle-class women do in the grocery store. The 45-year-olds that wear too much make-up and wear bad perfume from Wal-Mart. "Kinda gotta watch my figure for the job I do" she said. She then picked up one side of half-torn baby and stuck two of her fingers in its asshole, and spun it around like a toy with her opposite hand. She laughed at that. "Whee, Whee, Whee!" she cried out. She looked over at Jerry with joy spilling out of her pores. "You gotta make your own fun in life, that's what it's all about."

    Jerry was concerned. He didn't mind working for a pure demon, you know ....morality never bothered him. But that right there? That was just....wrong. "Honey um, just out of curiosity. Why are you so increasingly evil?"

    "Because I am connected to Source" she said. "I'm not really like the others you know. I just see the light. The way is so clear" she sighed. "I'm always happy. They deserve the abuse, for not being as good as me."

    "Source? What is this source exactly. Yeah okay you talk about Abraham a lot, but I've never actually met the guy" Jerry said.

    Esther thought for a moment. "Well, I suppose it is time for you to meet him. But there's one thing you should know, honey. Abraham and I fuck each other. A lot. I don't believe in commitment or other antiquated, upstream ideas about relationships."

    "I don't care. I guess I kinda figured that from the time you went to an old folk's home and sexually molested everybody."

    "Well then...." Esther dug through her pockets and took out a vial of dark purple powder. She sprayed the powder in a circle. She closed her eyes and begun meditating, chanting the phrase Volkurlash.

    After about two minutes of chanting, in the middle of the summoning circle appeared a 7-foot warrior in pure black armor. He looked like a Death Knight, in fact that's what he was, that's his class. He was wearing a scary spiky helmet. And had a large two-handed axe holstered on his back. His hands looked like they could bend steel, and he was wearing leather gloves. He doesn't get a theme song though because he's not a good guy. Obviously.

    Jerry blinked. "Uh, hello there" he said. Abraham just stared at Jerry, just staring, making Jerry instinctively pee his pants. Abraham turned back around to face Esther.

    "You are my link" Abraham said. "You are my vessel." He suddenly jammed three fingers in Esther's vagina. Violently. A force so hard he easily tore through her gray business suit and into the actual vaginal canal. Blood spurted out of her throat. It landed on his helmet, and he just stood there, completely unfazed. He cocked his head to the side.

    Jerry looked at him. "What are you doing to her?"

    "I fucking love it, Jerry" Esther said. "You are just a half-demon so you don't understand" she said. When she smiled you could see a lot of blood in her teeth. This was all just a bit too much for Jerry. "Honey, I know you like to be dominated in bed but uh I didn't know you liked your demons THAT rough."

    Esther looked up at Jerry and cracked up, laughing at him like the preppy high school cheerleader laughs at the loser who plays Magic: The Gathering. "You idiot, you stupid idiot." She rubbed her hands on Abraham's pecs. "Abraham isn't a demon. He' Idea."

    ~End of Chapter 17~
    Last edited by Bullets; 12-10-2009 at 03:34 AM.
    n0ki: If it weren't for faggy civilization, people like me and bnd would be totally dead by now.

  18. #18

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    Chapter 18: The Jump

    Steve was tanking two bad-ass looking Skeletons in the Skeleton Graveyard. He kept dying a lot from instant death attacks. Sam shared resurrection responsibilities with Mune and Gul, each taking turns to save on the MP cost. Dolphin and Vero were damage dealing while Akra and Isha supported the entire gang with various buffs.

    "Don't you think we're too early in the game to be facing off enemies that instantly kill?" Vero asked while shooting a huge lightning bolt at the slightly smaller skeleton, finally killing it. "Our levels are only in the 20s and that technique usually only comes up in the late 40s or later."

    "We have three rezzers in the group now" Dolphin said. She hurled a fireball about the size of a small car. "We should be okay. And hello! Not Final Fantasy!"

    "Yeah uh, you really can't beat this particular area with at least this many people" Mune said. He kept conjuring large boulders to hit the skeletons. He had both his arms raised up in a stereotypical casting fashion.

    "When you get your crown back Adam, you become flesh and can be hurt again. Doesn't that bother you?" Vero asked.

    "Well uh, kinda yeah. But Sambo's right. I have to do more than just stay in my castle all day and conjure dildos" he said.

    "We're casting a lot of spells" Dolphin said. "I wonder how many pure demons we're creating on earth by using so much magic?" she said. "Hopefully none."

    "It doesn't matter" Sam said. "When Mune gets his crown back, we can destroy them all. For good."

    "Yeah that's great and all, but how do we fix our external reputation? It matters, Sam" Steve said while ducking a sword-slash from the Skeleton.

    "Well, I don't know. And it doesn't help that all the people in charge of our external reputation are misguided or just plain evil. Ooh, critical heal!" Sam said.

    "We need to find some way to get a normal life and still fight evil" Steve said, jumping on top of the sword and kicking the skeleton in the face. "And uh, find a way to not be wanted criminals again?"

    Sam made a time-out sign. The remaining skeleton was frozen, suspended in time with its arm extended out and its head kicked back. Sam has learned the spell 'Stop!' Dolphin smiled. "Grats?" she said. Steve hopped down off the sword and looked at Sam.

    Sam cleared his throat, and everybody turned to face him while the Skeleton was frozen. "No. Just no. None of that horribly cliched 'I just want a normal life' whine that I had to put up with for years watching Buffy and Charmed and Kim Fucking Possible. We fight evil damnit, that's our thing. And yeah it requires messing around in other worlds and stuff, instead of getting normal jobs and being liked by society. But being social pariahs is a price we must pay. If anybody doesn't like those rules, then they need to leave."

    "But Sam, it's about balance. As a Shaman shouldn't you know that?" Vero asked. "Steve didn't say he'd quit evil fighting altogether, just that he wants a regular life as well."

    "No Vero, it's not about balance. That's another useless cliche that they tell you so evil will win. The fate of the world doesn't hang in the balance. It hangs with US." Sam's eyes looked manly and focused and he stood there looking confident but also kinda arrogant. "We've already come this far, but it will only get a lot harder."

    Dolphin sighed, she suddenly felt so epic and grown-up and womanly. The sky above them grew darker. It would be night soon. "I don't know. I'd just love to do this forever, you know. B-but I don't know who to believe." She knew she was more pragmatic and realistic than Sam, despite how much fun she was having.

    "Um guys, let's just focus on getting my crown back, okay?" Mune said. "I'm sure we'll all agree of the right action to take about mending our external reputation, eventually." He smiled at both Steve and Sambo, ever the ISFp mediator.

    Sam's stop spell wore off and as soon as it did, the Skeleton slashed so hard Steve's head got sliced off. Sam felt kind of guilty for being amused by that, but he quickly revived him. Steve got the final blow this time, pummeling the Skeleton into ashes with just his fists. Shouldn't a tank class have some sort of weapon, he wondered. His knuckles blue and bruised and bloody.

    The party made their way out of the Skeleton Graveyard, and entered the Stormlands. It was a wide-open area with a bunch of purple rocks connected together for the ground. A light sandstorm began developing all around them. A bunch of whirlwinds whooshed by violently across the terrain. Deeper into the area, the rocks began shattering when you stepped on them like the Donut Lifts in Super Mario Bros. "Gul?" Isha asked.

    "I-can't transform here. The atmosphere is too wonky" he said. The sand began to thicken. Sam wiped dust out of his eyes. The party was nestled close together. "Just stay tight" Akra said. "Man, I hope I remembered to wear deodorant today" Gulanzon said.

    Isha frantically searched her spellbook for something to cast. "I-I-Illuminate" she said, trying to make a way through the storm but the light flickered and frazzled out as soon as it arose from her spellbook.

    "The storms are feeding on the magic" Steve said. "We have to just tough this one out." Almost all the rocks were collapsing now, at a faster rate as well. The party kept hopping to a safer rock whenever one of them fell out. As they went farther along, the sandstorm got even heavier and the amount of tornadoes greatly increased. And now, there were lightning bolts to dodge as well. Sam started crying. "I-I don't want to lose anybody" Sam said.

    "We're not going to die" Dolphin said, standing by Sam and whispering into his ear. Her touch felt so warm and soothing. She squeezed his arm firmly. "You hear me?" she said as she stepped on a piece of ground that broke off below her. She yelped, leaped behind Sam and he carried her piggy back for awhile. All the rocks around them collapsed before them, the entire ground for miles upon miles away just broke apart and fell into the void. "Aieeeeeee!" All eight party members were left standing on a fairly large-ish rock. When Sam opened his eyes again, he saw Mune's crown sitting on a small rock far away, but to get to it you had to make five increasingly difficult jumps. Each purple rock being farther away and smaller than the next.

    Steve, being the straight man, was the best equipped for this area. He jumped and leaped to the first rock with ease. "Okay, one by one. We can do this" he said to the party confidently. Sam's adrenaline kicked in and he jumped, using his staff right before he jumped for momentum. He landed safely on the other side, sliding aggressively like those straight boys do when they want to keep a base in baseball. Vero cartoonishly kicked out her feet many times when she jumped in midair, like Luigi does in Super Mario Bros. 2. Dolphin was next. She closed her eyes while she leaped. But she made it to the other side just fine. Isha next, then Akra. Akra almost fell down but she made it. "Fuck, I think I sprained my ankle" Akra said, although she knew Sam would heal it later. Mune, the lucky bastard was incorporeal, so he just walked across the empty space all chill and Mune-like. Only Gulanzon was left.

    "Come on buddy, you can do it" Steve said, his voice giving out from the sandstorm. Gulanzon looked at the distance of the jump and gulped. Sam stared at Gulanzon, worried. No, Gulanzon. No. You can do this. DO NOT DIE.

    "I spend so much time transforming, I-I can't do anything athletic in my normal human body" Gulanzon said, bursting out in tears. The sandstorms raged making visibility almost impossible, and a tornado, a lightning bolt or a truckload of sand would knock you down into the void if you timed the jump incorrectly. If you didn't make the jump, you'd be fried forever by pure electricity, no way to revive people here.

    Isn't this what you're really afraid of, the truth of what you are? Sam heard a voice in his head. Upon everything he's learned, Sam knew an Idea was transmitting himself to him. That the athletic, real world jocks in high school are better equipped to handle everything and the good-natured losers like you and Gulanzon get what's coming to them. It's only natural. Gulanzon deserves to die. He's just weaker. Just innately weaker. He deserves anything bad that ever happens to him. For not being straight, masculine and confident. Sam closed his eyes, tears beginning to stream down his face. "Just....go away. I know he can do it." Akra turned to Sam and frowned. "Sammy? What's happening?"

    Gulanzon just decided to 'go for it' and he jumped off. But he started falling down halfway through! Sam instantly extended out of his staff for Gul to grasp on to. The rest of the party members made a sort of bridge with their bodies and caught Gulanzon before he felt down into the pit. He crawled his way on top of their bodies and made his way to the other side. The rest of the party climbed back up again. They all began breathing heavily.

    Steve patted Gulanzon on the shoulder. "It's okay bud. You tried your best." The party just rested for a moment, and looked at the next rock they would have to jump to.

    Steve suddenly face-palmed himself. "Uh, couldn't I just get the crown myself while the rest of you wait on the rock?" Steve said.

    The party just looked at each other, realized this was true, and they all started laughing in unison. "I'll be right back" Steve used his warrior abilities and made the rest of the jumps. He grabbed Mune's crown and returned with it.

    Mune put his crown back on, his body corporealizing. It took a moment for him to get used to being physical for so long, and he had a little headache. It started to go away soon though. Vero hugged Mune as hard as she could. Of course, taking a moment to feel his dick through his pants too. "Mission accomplished" Mune said.

    ~End of Chapter 18~
    Last edited by Bullets; 12-10-2009 at 03:32 AM.
    n0ki: If it weren't for faggy civilization, people like me and bnd would be totally dead by now.

  19. #19

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    Chapter 19: The Clear Dragon Boss Fight

    "Okay, now we can go back on earth and fight those demons!" Sam said excitedly. They all held hands for Vero to teleport them....but even when pooling all their magic together, she only had enough power to teleport them back to the Skeleton Graveyard again. It was nighttime now. "Uh, that's because the Stormlands sucks up magic" Vero said. "But I had to use it there because we were stuck on a floating purple rock with no way else to get off!" she said.

    Sam waved his arms as if to say 'Yeah, yeah, I know.' "Just do it again" Sam said. Suddenly, he heard a faint screech from the sky. He looked up and saw a strange creature flying in the distance, heading straight toward the party. From this far away it looked about as small as a bat but the shadow just kept getting bigger and bigger. Sam looked at Vero. "Uh, Vero?"

    "My teleportation spell needs time to recharge. That place really soaked up the teleportation's mojo. We'll have to wait awhile....."

    Dolphin tried to think of creative ways around that like she did in the fight with Ms. Hunt, but she decided against it. The last thing she wanted to do was make more messes they'd have to clean up.

    Isha looked up. "Something isn't right. That's a dragon. Dragons shouldn't be attacking us" she said.

    "It's a dragon not native to Akliash" Gulanzon said. He turned into a Hawk in order to see the creature better, and instantly recognized what it was. He turned back into his regular human form. "It's a....Clear Dragon? Dunno what planet they are from, but I say planet STUPID. This fucker is going down!"

    "Well, it's about that time for a boss fight anyway" Mune said. He took off his crown and put it into his large robe pockets. "That dude looks pretty fierce, so I'll use my power to gear you guys up. He waved his hands and decked the party out in the same sort of epic, superhero gear they saw in the tubes at Sigma's place. The same outfits their Core Essences wore. Steve flexed in his red tank armor (and yay he finally has a weapon now), Sam looked down at his rainbow-y robes with pride, and Dolphin wrung magical water out of her blue witch's hat. Vero whipped her electric whip and said something sexual, Isha studiously looked through her spell book. Gulanzon plopped down happily like a Moonkin Druid and popped back up again, fluffy neon feathers whisking when he did this. Akra sang a few lines from the song 'My Immortal' and then twirled her microphone and pulled it open by the middle to reveal two swords. Finally Mune simply made himself look more....Kingly, with bigger shoulderpads and a flowing white hero's cape.

    "It's mostly just for aesthetic pleasure, it's not THAT good of gear yet, but our levels are nowhere near high enough to wear real Core Essence armor but umm...." Mune said sheepishly.

    "It's perfect, Adam" Vero said. "Thanks."

    The dragon drew closer, sticking out its talons and roaring deeply. Steve immediately Taunted the boss when he landed, and began whacking on the boss with his new shiny sword that he loved oh so very much. The dragon was HUGE, so he was only really slicing at his toes! Steve was about as big as one of the Dragon's feet.

    Dolphin cast a giant fireball at the Dragon but gasped when it went right through him. "Clear Dragons can make themselves incorporeal often, avoiding all damage. So you have to try and aim your spells so you inflict damage on the dragon while it's inflicting damage on Steve" Isha said.

    Dolphin nodded. "R-right. I just have to time my spells better" she said. She wanted to do a good job for Sam. She stuck her tongue half-way out in the way you do while concentrating and hit the Clear Dragon with the fireball again, this time making contact with the fireball as soon as the Clear Dragon made himself corporeal to strike Steve. Success! Minus whatever damage to Clear Dragon. (Actual number hidden to keep the mystery and intrigue of the story in tact.) Vero began doing the same thing with her lightning bolts.

    "ARRGGH, the dragon just crit Steve and he's down to 1/4 health!" Sam said. Gulanzon transformed into his Fairy Form and helped Sam bring Steve's health back up. "Yes, Gulanzon, good boy. You help Sam with the healing here" Isha said. She held her hand out and an inscription appeared in front of her palm about the size of a deck of cards. She gently blew on the magical glyph, breaking it open and casting some sort of spell on the entire party. Everyone felt a little lighter and faster. "This incantation might help with the timing better" she said to Vero and Dolphin.

    Akra tapped her foot, thinking about what song this fight reminded her of. She began singing Pat Benatar's 'Hit Me With Your Best Shot.' She shrugged. Kinda corny I know, but hey it's working she thought. It made all party members about 15% stronger.

    The Dragon cast Stop on Sam, and huffed blue smokey breath at Steve and critically hit him again, Steve fell down flat on his face and died. The beast started going right after Dolphin! Gulanzon transformed into his Tank form, which was a large tree, and intervened the attack. The tree was a good tank, but had nowhere near the amount of abilities that Steve has. Mune healed him, he almost forgot that he could do that. Finally, the stop spell wore off on Sam, and Sam revived Steve who got hate on the dragon again and things were back to regular tank and spank.

    "And uh, apparently, Clear Dragons can also use Stop Magic" Isha said. "I should have something in my books that can help us counter that" she frantically searched her spellbook, the pages turning on their own. She calmed herself down and meditated quietly, waiting for the gods to help her land on the right page.

    "I can cast Dispel Disorder on people if they get Stopped, but if I myself get Stopped then we'll have to get more creative" Sam said. The Clear Dragon stopped attacking Steve for a moment and looked at Sam. "WELL OF COURSE DUMMY WHY YOU THINK I USE IT ON YOU TO BEGIN WITH?" The Dragon said. Sam's jaw dropped. "YOU CAN HEAR ME?" Sam shouted.

    "The Dragon can understand us!!!" Akra said. She lost her concentration and the music began fading. "Why are you doing this, why are you attacking us like this!" she said.

    "I LIKE TO FEEL THROAT BLOOD IN MY CLAWS" The Dragon said, its eyes going crazy in hypnotic swirls. It slashed Steve in a fury of attacks, but Sam and Fairy-Gulanzon was able to keep him up.

    Dolphin glared at the dragon. "You will tell us.....the TRUTH." Dolphin's eyes glowed blue and broke apart in globes of water, and she spun her staff around and a whirlpool-y stream of water poured out the center of her staff and flowed right at the Clear Dragon. It caused such force that it made the massive beast slide back a few feet and groan out in agony. Sounded like whales having orgasms. Dolphin learned the spell 'Torrent', a stronger water spell than Flow but costs more mana.

    Thinking about how the top two-damage dealers in the party were women, Akra decided to hum the Final Fantasy X-2 boss fight theme. It made the girls time their spells even better, and also stacked with Isha's speed casting glyph. "I think....this is a better one" Akra said. "I'm sorry I'll get better at my class....fucking Bard-like classes are the redheaded step child of role playing games."

    "Less talk-y, more hummy!" Vero screamed to Akra. The projectiles of her lightning bolt was quicker when Akra hummed that, and she was scoring more critical hits as well.

    "You're doing fine" Mune encouraged Akra. "The dragon only has 20% HP left."

    "I READ YOUR POWERS, I KNOW WHAT TO DO." The Dragon glared at Sam, and cast Stop on him. The helpless gay man just stood frozen in time. "Oh wait, I can dispel too!" Gulanzon remembered. But too late, he was Stopped as well. Mune looked at the Clear Dragon. "Shit. I know I can make myself immune to the Stop debuff, but I can't remember if it's with the crown on or off! Crown off, I should be incorporeal to damage, but Stop is magical and non-corporeal itself so uhhh DAMNIT what the hell is it--" Before he could figure it out, Mune was frozen in his place. Fuck. It's crown ON. Mune thought while frozen.

    Isha, Dolphin, Akra, and Steve just looked at each other. "It can't stop everybody, it hasn't the mana!" Dolphin cried out. "ONE MORE" The Dragon said. It raised its right claw and cast Stop on Steve.

    "Holy shit. All tanks and healers are Stopped!" Dolphin said to Vero, Isha and Akra. All the boys.... "Akra, there must be SOME song that breaks the Stop!" Vero said.

    "I-I'm thinking, I'm thinking" Akra said. The Dragon looked at the ladies, deciding which one of them he was going to kill. Akra tried to sing the chorus of 'Time after Time' to break the Stop effect, but it didn't do anything.

    "This is NOT happening" Dolphin said. "This is NOT FUCKING HAPPENING."

    "Just focus's almost dead, out of mana, and can't cast its Blue Breath or Stop Attack" Vero said.

    Dolphin tried to protect the party by casting Water Jet on the boobs of everybody to knock everybody back, the same spell she used to get away from the Starr Thugs. But it wasn't really effective, and the Dragon was much faster and eventually caught up with them no matter how much Dolphin Water Jetted. She tried to cast Chill on him, but he was completely immune to being Kited. Not even 50% immune like Ms. Hunt was. "No...." Dolphin said.

    The Dragon hovered over Vero and opened his jaws around her. Dolphin anticipated this and cast Water Jet, saving Vero from his ferocious bite by pushing her back with a flush of water from the side. The Dragon pretended to go after Akra but instantly moved toward Isha instead, killing her in a flash by completely biting her in half, and also tricking Dolphin into casting Water Jet on Akra instead of Isha. "I LOVE TOYING WITH YOU LIKE THIS" The Dragon said, talking with its mouth open so chunks of poor dead Isha rained down and hit Dolphin and Vero on the face. Isha's finger plopped on Dolphin's forehead and landed on the ground. Smearing her face with blood. The Clear Dragon finished chewing on the upper half of Isha's body, swallowed and burped loudly. "WHO NEXT?" the Dragon gazed sociopathically at the three women.

    "Fuck the rules!" Dolphin said, tears streaming down her eyes. Dolphin tried to chill Isha's dead body like she did before at Starr, but it ....just didn't work. Sam or Mune or Gulanzon would be able to resurrect her though, if the stop spell would wear off in time.

    Dolphin counted in her head for how long it's been since Isha died, waiting for the stop spell to wear off....six seconds. seven seconds. C'mon c'mon c'mon eight seconds. Nine seconds. Anyone, please? Dolphin thought. Ten seconds. ... Eleven seconds. Isha has been dead for more than ten seconds. No. Fucking. No. After the twelfth second, Sam's stop effect wore off. He tried reviving Isha, but it was too late. She was gone.

    "What the fuck, spells in Akliash are supposed to be enhanced!" Dolphin said.

    "Raw power yes. Core rules, no" Akra said softly.

    Sam dispelled the Stop from Gulanzon, Steve and Mune. Steve got hate back on the Dragon just as it was about to kill Dolphin. Gulanzon tried holding back his emotions, but he was shivering, helping the party here and there in a sort of neurotic spasm. Eventually he just shut down completely though. A few minutes later, the Clear Dragon dropped dead from a bolt of lightning to his eyes.

    Gulanzon kneeled down towards Isha and cradled the bottom half of her body in his arms. She was bitten off completely from the breasts on up. Tears began flooding in his eyes. He couldn't think of the words. Everybody else just kept looking at each other with sad faces.

    ~End of Chapter 19~
    Last edited by Bullets; 12-10-2009 at 03:32 AM.
    n0ki: If it weren't for faggy civilization, people like me and bnd would be totally dead by now.

  20. #20

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    Chapter 20: Mother Is Coming

    Jerry couldn't stop staring at Abraham's tall, black figure and bad-ass looking spiked helmet and just how epic and Death Knight-y and other worldly he looked. "An.....Idea? On earth?" Jerry asked.

    "It is dangerous for me to be here. I cannot be seen by the Yearghs" Abraham said. He looked at Jerry then Esther. "You fool. You trust my presence around a half-demon?" he asked.

    "Oh Abraham, Jerry is all right. He won't snitch." Esther looked at Jerry. "Ideas are very strong in corporeal form, but they risk total annihilation upon coming down to earth. They could just declare all-out war on everything but they could die too, so they mostly like to just psychologically speak to us from their realm instead. All Ideas are different, of course. But this Idea right here," she took a moment to tap Abraham on his pecs, "gives me the power I need to be as rich and popular as I am. Why without Abraham I would actually have to get a real job instead of being part of the Self-Help Scam movement!" Esther stuck out her chest confidently. "Not many demons are capable of summoning an Idea. I worked all my life practicing my powers to be good enough to summon an actual Idea." She smiled, still having the blood in her teeth.

    Jerry smiled. "Well, if you're happy, I'm happy dear" he said. Esther Hicks ran up to Jerry and hugged him. "Oh baby, I knew you'd understand" Esther said. "Yeah sure, Abraham fucks a lot better than you, but you're the one I really love." They french-kissed deeply.

    Abraham shook his head. He sensed Esther and Jerry's genuine love. "You don't get it, do you?" he said. He took out his axe and swung his body in a 360-degree motion, killing them both by slicing them in half. "You have broken the sacred agreement."

    "I am angry. I will destroy. Everything" Abraham said. He stomped out of the auditorium, and climbed the stairs to the top deck. He jumped off the boat and began swimming in the Atlantic Ocean. As he swam, all the fish in the ocean began bubbling up on the surface, dying instantly from his mere presence.

    A few minutes later, Esther appeared back in the auditorium via a glowing swirl of magic, albeit naked. Being such a powerful demon that's so connected with the Ideas, like the Idea of Her Own Self, the Idea of Esther was able to bring back the manifested body of Esther quite quickly. But Jerry Hicks would be dead for a very long time. Esther walked over and looked at the water through a window. She felt so lonely. "Abraham was never with me. He killed the only other being important to me in my life" she said. "But I am this much closer to my ultimate purpose. To become one with my Idea itself like Abraham did, to ascend and become a Pure Idea. To live and fight in the Realm of Ideas. I mean damn, look how quickly I Auto-Lifed. Last time I died it took three whole days for me to come back on earth. I know I am close."

    Esther went in her cabin and put on another generic blue business suit. She had a lot of them lined up in her closet, because this sort of thing happened frequently. "It is time. To heat up the ante. Every man for himself. I knew it when I was preaching it to my food, but I let Jerry weaken me from my Original Source, from my Own Idea. No more." She clicked on her cell and held it up to her right ear. "Yes, (*intelligible*, if humans heard the real name you'd die instantly), I would like to schedule an emergency meeting with the President of the United States, the Attorney General, the Skull and Bones Founders, Every Member of the Illuminati. And also? That fat bitch at the secretary of state that gives people their driver's license."

    "It's showtime" Esther said, clicking off her cell phone and having a really determined, focused, hateful look like Narcissistic New York Lawyers you see in New York.

    Meanwhile, in a small house in rural Louisiana.....

    Hitta is throat fucking a young woman violently in the face, making all the objects in his badly-lit, white trash home tremble and shake. Puke smearing down her face. "Yeah bitch take it...take it." He shoved it all the way down in her gullet. "Take that Louisiana cock! Yeehaw!" he hollered. Hitta was a half-demon that liked to use his powers for lots of straight porn-like sex. Hitta's theme music plays, those kind of tough guitar chords you hear in previews for Evil Angel videos. His class was called a 'Psychic', he couldn't really see the future, but he could possess and mind control people.

    The girl suddenly broke away from Hitta's spell. She stood up and wiped the pre-cum off her face. "Mother is coming. I leave now" she said. Since Esther Hicks is obviously stronger than Hitta, her possession spell on the woman overrode Hitta's magic. She started walking out of Hitta's house. "Oh no you don't bitch" he tried grabbing her by the ponytail, but she elbowed him hard in the nose. Hitta went slamming back into his refridgerator with so much force that he blacked out.

    Meanwhile, in LA, California.......

    Justin and Jason Mraz were back in their sleazy cheap apartment. "We can't just spend the rest of our lives hiding from Ashton" Justin said. It was the middle of the night and Jason was at his desk working hard on a big project. He had a bunch of papers scattered about. There was a bunch of drawings of various people around and portraits of everybody Jason had ever known in his entire life. "I am....trying to connect something, all the dots. What it all means, you know?" Jason said. His hair stood up and he went through a whole pot of coffee.

    Justin began massaging Jason's shoulders. "Honey. Just come to bed. We'll be okay. I doubt Ashton will strike this soon." Jason started drawing lines between all the stick figures he drew. His pencil squiggled and broke. He just picked up another one and continued doodling.

    "It wasn't supposed to go like this" Jason said. "I had a brilliant plan." Jason noticed something interesting, how he subconsciously started drawing disconnected lines. He erased the lines between people, noticing something about Dark Ashton and Miley Cyrus and Cassandra. He then finally 'got it'. "Relationships. The purest of the pure don't have them. It's my relationship with you that is waning me from my brilliance" he said, breaking his pencil in half. "Gay relationships aren't supposed to last, but it goes beyond that."

    Justin frowned. "Y-you're breaking up with me?"

    Jason smirked. "I'm going to do more than that. I'm going to kill you" he said. He stood up and turned around and slowly crept toward Justin while Justin backed away.

    The next day, in New York City.....

    Sean Mccosker was on site at his construction job, carrying a huge orange beam. He was wearing a white wife beater and blue jeans that really showed off his beautiful muscular ass. Sam would be in heaven. "Hey Frank" Sean said to one of his co-workers. Frank tipped his hardhat at Sean. "Mother is coming....." Frank suddenly said, walking all zombified like. Sean turned around. "What the fuck are you talking about?" Sean asked. He put down the beam and began following Frank.

    Numbers was nearby Sean, on the second story of his apartment. He looked out the window and saw a whole bunch of people all walking together like zombies in one direction. "Holy shit fuck!" he said in that exaggerated way he does. He ran over to his closet and changed into his Gadgeeter Class outfit. Numbers' theme music plays. A very asian version of the 'Inspector Gadget' theme. "Go Go Gadget Grappling Hook!" Numbers said, and started to climb down the building all spy-like.

    Meanwhile, in San Francisco.....

    "My sources tell me that Dark Ashton was last seen at this bar" Allie told Ashton as they entered Backstreet. Allie was already in her Battle Mage ensemble, and hey an outfit like that isn't so suspicious in gay bars. "He's not here" Ashton said. "Are you....connected to him?" Allie asked, wondering how Ashton could have known that so soon and with this kind of crowd. "It would make sense since he is a part of you, I guess?" "Sort of" Ashton replied. "But he's not here" he said firmly. Allie saw a tv in the bar, showing all the people in New York walking like zombies. "Ashton, look" she said.

    Ashton read something with his Ni. "Those poor people are just regular humans with souls. Something very big is going down in New York" he said. "It's our job to protect them", Allie said. "Let's go!" This mission was obviously more urgent than hunting Dark Ashton.

    Meanwhile back in New York.....

    Amy Goodman (famous celebrity half-demon that's news anchor of the hit tv program 'Democracy Now' and also wrote several best-selling books) held up a camera and filmed footage of all the zombified people walking in the streets of New York. She was responsible for allowing Allie and Ashton to see what was going on way back in San Francisco. A tall man in a suit approached her. He was from CNN. "You fool. You're not supposed to film this!" he said.

    "I can't let evil win" Amy Goodman said. She punched out the CNN guy, who was a pure demon. "I play both sides when I want to, but this madness has to be stopped" she said. A crowd of homeless people kept walking past Amy. Mother is coming, Mother is coming, Mother is coming, Mother is coming, Mother is coming they all chanted. "No, don't go!" Amy said, trying to break them out of the spell. But they just kept walking along, trampling her to the ground. "Unnggh" she said after the mob attack, still breathing but barely. Mother is coming, Mother is coming, Mother is coming.

    Esther Hicks floated way up above a building in Times Square, meditating deeply. "That's right, my children. Don't be afraid. The time has come. Mother is here." Hundreds of humans helplessly walked towards Esther.

    Esther heard a static-y voice from her earpiece. Or was it just her head? But she didn't know if it was The President, a member of the Illuminati or an Idea. We're risking a lot of resources for you to do this, don't fuck it up it said. The crowd was nearing in the thousands now.

    ~End of Chapter 20~
    Last edited by Bullets; 12-10-2009 at 03:31 AM.
    n0ki: If it weren't for faggy civilization, people like me and bnd would be totally dead by now.

  21. #21

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    May 2007
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    Chapter 21: The Gang's All Here

    Sam, Dolphin, Steve, Vero, Mune and Akra got a few hours of sleep in the night. They had rested on beds of bones in the Skeleton Graveyard, but Gulanzon couldn't sleep at all. Each party member had taken turns during the night comforting Gulanzon. Gulanzon kept cradling the lower, non-eaten half of Isha in his arms. Too numb to cry. His bottom-lip trembled. He talked to her all night about their shattered dreams together. "Why? Why did this have to happen" Gulanzon mumbled softly.

    Akra frowned. "I-I'm so sorry Gully, but you knew what you were getting into when you agreed to help Sam" she said. "We all did. Now come on, you need to stop touching the body. You're going to drive yourself crazy."

    Gulanzon stood up and turned around. "That's right, Sam. It's all your fault. You wanted to fight evil but you just ended up getting my fiance killed!" he said.

    "Guys we have to focus, or more of us could die too" Mune said. "We have to find out who sent that dragon after us." He wiped the crust out of his eyes, noticing that everybody was pretty much awake now.

    "Isn't it obvious?" Sam said, cockily standing on his side the way Cloud did in Final Fantasy at times. "Some sort of Idea did it. Ideas can manifest stuff from their dimension."

    "What, you mean those super de duper OH MY GAWDQQBBQ high-powered epic god-like beings? We don't even know where they are!" Gulanzon said. "And why don't they just send something to instantly blow us up all at once!" he added.

    "My guess is they enjoy the pain, the torture, the suffering" Sam said. "They like to kill us off one by one, destroying our hope so gradually that we may not even remember when it's gone" he said. "But I'm not going to let that happen. The clear dragon attack just meant that we're on to them" he said.

    Vero sighed. "I don't know about this, Sam. What do we do?"

    "We stick to the plan" Sam said. He forced himself to put his hand on Gulanzon's shoulder. "I'm so sorry about Isha, but....we're at war. People will die." Sam's face looked more grown-up and hardened. "We teleport back to earth and we hunt the demons. Now that Mune has his crown he can stay on earth without ascending. We all can fight the demons, but Mune here has to have the killing blow."

    "Fuck you and your fucking plan" Gulanzon said. "We don't even know if that will work."

    "We don't know unless we try, right? Mune's vibration is 100% positive, instead of 50% positive and negative like the rest of us. If he kills the demons then he won't inadvertently cause more bad shit like every time we do it. Theoretically, at least" Sam said.

    "Sambo is right. Let's just go to earth and fight demons" Mune said. "Yeah, but which demon?" Akra asked.

    "We'll naturally go to the place we're needed the most, by listening to our hearts, just like we did before" Sam said. They all huddled around like they did near Starr Commonwealth. Holding hands in a circle and meditating. "Do your thing, Vero" Sam said. "I know your teleport is recharged by now."

    "Something is happening......we can't teleport the 'wherever the sparks take us' way again" Vero said. "I'm picking up too many conflicting signals from the universe" she said. Two life-sized portals suddenly appeared before the heroes. "Whoa!" Sam said. One portal showed Esther Hicks levitating above New York Times Square, about to feed on thousands of people. The other one viewed Abraham on the Florida Keys, already chopping up a bunch of old people with his axe. He wasn't making any judgments on who he was killing, he was just on a total rampage.

    Sam frowned, pointing to the second portal. "That thing right there has to be an Idea. Esther's a pure demon. The more dangerous threat is naturally the Idea" Sam said. "An Idea? On earth. Whoa!" Steve said like Joey from Blossom. Sam began to step into the portal.

    Dolphin grabbed Sam by the shoulder and yanked him back from going after Abraham. "Not so fast, Sammy. There is no way we're strong enough to fight that thing!" she said. Another life-sized portal suddenly materialized between the other portals. It was light pink. Out of this portal stepped Allie and Ashton. "No, you eight ner-" Ashton noticed Isha dead on the ground. "Excuse me, seven nerds are definitely not strong enough. But we will help" Ashton said.

    "Ashton. ALLIE? What are you two doing-" Before Sam could finish his sentence, Numbers stepped out of the pink portal.

    "HEY TRUCK!" Numbers said enthusiastically, referring to Sam's other nick-name. He does have so many of them. Numbers started hugging everybody. He looked and acted so upbeat and happy like Hiro from Heroes. And I promise the narrator will stop using so many pop-culture references. (I might be lying) "I will help too" Numbers said.

    J Riddy somersaulted out of the pink portal. He had a bow and arrow tucked under his arm. He was wearing green military pants and a gray muscle-tee and had a bandanna on. J Riddy's theme music plays! Something woodsy and huntery with the ending notes being owls hooting. "Heard there was an Idea to hunt?" he said.

    Sam looked around at the ever-growing party. "This!" Sam said. Diana, Redbaron and Joy walked out of the pink portal. Diana was a pure priestess class, with long flowing white robes. She tightly gripped a traditional oak staff in her right hand. "I can heal even better than you Sam" Diana said with a wink. "Trust me, you're gonna need it for this fight." Joy was a battle priest, a tougher and more melee-based healer than Diana. Her outfit was a sort of white business suit with big banners draped on the shoulders. Redbaron was an elementalist/geomancer class that had a very versatile array of abilities. She was wearing a red dress, red jacket and a witch's hat similar to Dolphin's, only it

    Next out stepped Gilly and Nick. Gilly was in Enchanter gear, dressed up like a drag queen, the same one he showed everybody on 16types a few years ago. "Another Buffer like you Akra" Gilly said smiling. Nick was in traditional rogue garment, in 'stealth form' standing behind Gilly holding two daggers. He just kind of glared at everybody and remained silent.

    Sean came out of the portal. Sam's heart skipped a beat as soon as he saw Sean. Sean was wearing black tank gear, but he had his helmet off so you could see his masculine, handsome face. "Oh my god, gay duality!" Dolphin said. She grabbed Vero's hand and together they gave out a bunch of fangirl squees, jumping up and down. "Hey" Sean said to Sam all confident and manly and SLE-like. "I can tank better than Steve. I'm here to help you fix your perception that all gay men are just weak girly casters." Sam just couldn't stop smiling.

    Bionicgoat stepped out of the portal. Wearing a hippie tie-dye and brown pants. Looked like he was high yet focused. "I can heal better than Jesus can. Okay, not better- but just as good." BG nodded at Sam and the others.

    Sigma appeared out of the portal, in epic monk gear. "So we meet again, children. Well do not worry, Master is here." He cockily spun his staff around and joined the mid-ranks.

    Next out stepped hitta. "This ain't as fun as throat fucking girls, but hey." His epic armor was some sort of weird chicken suit/bondage thing, kinda like if Psyduck, Big Bird and Artie Lange had a baby together.

    Jake, Arctures, labcoat, Mimosa, Bardia, Slacker Mom, Tereg, Mysticsonic, Pitbull, glamoura, and Scarlet Love all stepped out of the portal as well. Sam could hardly believe it. But they just kept coming, one right after the other. Mikemex, FDG, UDP, JWC3, Olga, crazedrat, HaveLucidDreamz silverchris, ssmall, Link, pluie, krae, Maria, heath, Kamajama, Phaedrus and tcaud. Final wave was Ezra, zola, Abbie, Jessica, Winterpark, Carla and Expat. And any other 16types member, I forgot to mention, I'm sorry. But YOU'RE HERE TOO! All donned in glorious, magnificent epic-looking armor, ready to kick evil's ass.

    "Where did all you people come from!" Akra said in wonder.

    "A pink portal appeared before us, and we were just......drawn to it, it was the strangest thing" Allie said. The rest of them nodded, it was the same for all of them. "We were going to fight Dark Ashton, but we realized Esther was more important, and now we realize, this is even more important than that!" Allie said. "The pink portal.... so shiny" Arctures said.

    Vero realized what was happening. "Sam's heart brought you all here. He knew deep down it would take all of us together to beat an Idea" she said.

    Sam looked at all of them. There was at least a hundred people here. The pink portal finally faded out and vanished.

    Sam looked onward at the portal with Abraham in it. It was time. He felt it in the gut, like when you're about to take a real hard test in school. "BOSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS FIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHTTTTTTT!" Sam screamed. As soon as Sam jumped in the portal, he and all the others were sucked into a huge vortex and appeared back down on earth, on an island in the Florida Keys. This was it. The First Big Mega Ultra Gigantic Huge Boss Fight At The End of The First Game Disc.

    ~End of Chapter 21~
    Last edited by Bullets; 01-05-2010 at 12:39 PM.
    n0ki: If it weren't for faggy civilization, people like me and bnd would be totally dead by now.

  22. #22

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    Chapter 22: The First Big Mega Ultra Gigantic Huge Boss Fight At The End of The First Game Disc, Part I

    But First, Let's see how Esther is doing?

    Esther continued to float up in New York's Times Square. Since the heroes have pretty much unanimously agreed that Abraham was the bigger threat to worry about, she began feeding on the people with no issues. Just sucked up their insides by the maw while she was suspended up in the air. The bodies all just melted and sunk down like wet clay as they were being drained and killed. All the other souled, non-powered humans were completely oblivious to this, because one of the Illuminati members Esther worked for had hired a High-Level Zionist to instantly create a new hit tv series that had almost everybody's asses glued down to their couches. The massive illusion protected the regular people from the knowledge of real shit like this happening.

    "About fifty more bodies should do it" Esther said, just picking off people one by one. Amy Goodman looked at this from about a hundred yards away, helpless to do anything. She couldn't take Esther on herself, she was MUCH too strong now. Amy Goodman sighed and walked away, knowing there isn't anything she can do. Filming Esther directly would just terrorize the people and make everything worse. The corporate media would write Amy's footage off as a prank or something.

    The more Esther ate the more she just glowed and glowed and finally she broke apart open, exploding in a bright blue light. It has happened. Esther Hicks has ascended and merged herself with her Pure Idea. It was like she was asleep for three hours, but when she opened her eyes she realized she was now in the Realm of Ideas.

    Esther looked around at the Realm of Ideas. It was the most beautiful thing she ever saw. The Realm had no matter (except the Ideas themselves) whatsoever, just nonstop whiteness. It was trillions upon trillions of a bunch of epic, ultra-powered, weirdly narcissistic and bizarre beings all fighting for Total Dominance Of All. It was so completely chaotic and each individual Idea was so marvelously, so wondrously, so perfectly....selfish. There was no teams or sides here, it was just like 'Every Idea For Itself.' Esther's brainpower was indescribably potent now. She had a type of omnisciency, albeit in a limited degree. She instantly had a recognition of everything that was happening on earth, all at once, she objectively saw all events that were unfolding in her mind. She knew the heroes were trying to kill Abraham in the Florida Keys. 'I have to go help him' she thought.

    Another Idea appeared before Esther, a two-winged crazy looking chimera looking thing with a lion's head, four spider-like eyes and a large forked tongue that flapped when it spoke. It also had eight slimy tentacles that spiraled outward, vibrating gently like fireflies. The Idea sensed what Esther was trying to do as it could read her thoughts. "You cannot do that, we must be summoned by a Non-Idea if we wish to go Elsewhere" the Idea spoke. It was like heavenly chimes in Esther's ears. Each syllable of the being's voice felt as good as when you first open a christmas present, like that moment inbetween when the paper is being ripped. "In time your thoughts of having a relationship with others will naturally fade away into oblivion" the Idea spoke as though it were wise and all-knowing.

    "I did it, I fucking did it. I made it to the top. The real top. I'm gonna fucking win" Esther said. She looked around. War raged 24/7 across the Realm, you could hear Ideas dying and being reborn all at once, it all had the melody of ogres dancing on a pirate ship. Esther tried to look down at her hands, but she couldn't. She just saw....whiteness. She could see what the other Idea looked like, but she couldn't see what see herself looked like! And there was no mirrors, it was like the realm couldn't stabilize any matter including reflective surfaces. Esther realized that she couldn't create matter here, and anything she DID make, would just be manifested on earth or another planet instead. "What the hell do I look like!" Esther screamed.

    "I'm not tellllliiinggggg" The Idea taunted, and began whacking at Esther with its tentacles. She felt a slimy appendage wrap around her throat and squeeze tightly. Esther had to get a feel of what she could do to fight back, because she could not watch herself. She choked, gasping for air, not like she needed to breathe now, but it was a force of habit. Yet another Idea was shooting that Idea with a bunch of green energy bolts. Esther knew it wasn't to save her though. Esther struck out her hand and realized she could shoot yellow energy out of her palm. There was no need to rest, or eat, or remove waste now that she was an Idea. It was just nonstop war. Esther screamed and raged and spit and thrashed.

    Back at the Florida Keys,

    Dolphin and others managed to successfully kite Abraham away from the island he was killing people on, and onto a small beach island where it was just Abraham and the heroes. So this is it, this is what saving the world feels like. It does feel pretty awesome Dolphin thought. Dolphin knew if they lost and Abraham killed them all, he would just go out and destroy the rest of the world in weeks. Probably days.

    Each one of Abraham's blows cuts Sean's health by a whopping *90%*, but there was a lot of healers now to keep him topped off. Diana did the majority of the tank healing with her spell Greater Gain, which was like Sam's Gain but healed for more HP. Sam helped mostly by casting Triangle on Sean, without the Triangle Sean would sometimes die.

    Bionicgoat was the best group healer, and kept everybody in the raid up with his 'Group Hug' ability, a 2-second cast spell that heals 5 party members at once. Abraham liked to cast a spell that sent out a magical burgundy axe that chopped crazily into people, and would kill them in just a few hits if they weren't healed. Abraham would also randomly ignore aggro and rush at somebody, killing them. Sam and the other healers revived them though.

    "This is for ISHA!" Gulanzon called out. He turned into a flock of geese and started pooping on Abraham.

    "I cannot be humiliated" Abraham said. "I can only destroy." Abraham visiously sliced through Sean's armor again, sending him down on wounded knee. Sean got back up to full health again in a frenzy mixture of Diana's Greater Gain, Mysticsonic's Sonic Heal, Redbaron's Gain, Joy's Regain and Tereg's Soul Heal. Soul Heal also heals another party at once the same time it did Sean, which was very helpful for when Abe summoned an axe. Sean got hit again. Lather, rinse, repeat.

    Sam learns 'Regain!' a heal-over-time spell. He cast it on Sean, but of course Joy's Regain was much better and overwrote his. "Oh well, that spell will be useful later on" Sam said.

    Sam learns the spell 'Soul Heal!' Oh wow! "CAN I LEARN SONIC HEAL AND GREATER GAIN TOO PLEASE?" Sam prayed.

    Abraham suddenly rushed after Dolphin. But Dolphin got creative, and from her left hand she shot out a fireball and her right hand a stream of water; and the fire and water together created a smoke effect that made her harder to hit. Abraham just sliced through the smoke itself, blinded for a few seconds, being wailed on by a ragtag team of a hundred or so adventurers learning how to tap into their core essence, true self energy. Dolphin discovered the ability 'Smoke Screen!'

    Dolphin rolled on the ground to protect herself from her own smoke, gazed at the beast with determination and continued to cast Waterbolts at the creature. Abraham was so pissed off that he couldn't find her, but he was back to beating up on Sean.

    Mune conjured two smaller swords for Steve to use. Sean had to be the tank for this fight, but Steve made a decent off-damage class as a Dual-Wielding Fury Warrior. Nick, Joy, and Jessica were also in melee range, stabbing furiously through Abraham's three billion or so HP. There was Mimosa, an Amazon class, dressed in Xena: Warrior Princess-like gear with a long broadsword. She jumped up and spun around with her sword, twirling her beautiful blonde hair in Abraham's face and fell down gracefully, pivoting her heel when she landed back on the sand. "Eat blade fucker" she said.

    Pluie, a hunter class, shooting arrows at range with J Riddy, looked down and noticed a Black Glyph tattooed on his chest with Abraham's magic. It burned through his skin and caused him to wince out in pain. "Get rid of this for me!" Pluie shout out to the healers. Sam, Gulanzon and the other classes with a dispel ability tried to get rid of it but they failed. Abraham rushed toward Pluie, killing him with the Glyph on. Sam tried to resurrect Pluie, but he was unable.

    "BLACK DEATH KILLS ALL!" Abraham said, he then leaped forward and attacked Sean again, but Sean rolled out of the way, jumped on Abraham's back and tried yanking off his helmet. Abraham scurried backwards, knocking Sean into a palm tree.

    "God fucking damnit I am tired of abilities that irrevocably kill party members" Sam said. Abraham sent out additional magical axes to chop everybody up.

    "I can redirect the axes with my power" Hitta said. He concentrated, waddled a bit like Psyduck, and controlled the axes to go after Abraham instead. Bionicgoat still had to cast Group Hug over and over again like a mother fuck, however.

    Abraham stomped violently, this time casting the Black Death Debuff on five party members! Vero, Joy, Maria, UDP and FDG.

    To be Continued.....
    Last edited by Bullets; 12-10-2009 at 03:29 AM.
    n0ki: If it weren't for faggy civilization, people like me and bnd would be totally dead by now.

  23. #23

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    Chapter 23: The First Big Mega Ultra Gigantic Huge Boss Fight At The End of The First Game Disc, Part II

    "You CAN dispel the debuff, you just kinda umm not have to suck at it" Sam yelled out. Sam managed to cure the Black Death Debuff from Vero, Joy, Maria, and FDG, but he had to let UDP die.

    Sam felt ill. It was like he was playing God there. He chose UDP to die out of anybody else. But, he was the weakest link class-wise. UDP was a scholar class and although powerful, was nowhere near as strong as the other four. But still, Sam began hating himself for that.

    "I will find a way to bring back Eldanen, Isha, and now UDP" Sam said, trying to fight back the tears.

    "And pluie, don't forget pluie...." Sam turned around, kind of surprised to see Dolphin standing next to him casting waterbolts and fireballs.

    "Abraham kills all" Abraham shouted to Sam. He rushed toward Sam, killing him. "Aieeee!" Dolphin said, being knocked back twenty yards from the impact. Mune raised his right arm and resurrected Sam.

    Sean, Nick, Jessica, Mimosa and Steve all glared at Abraham. He was weak. "Melee Delta Attack!....Formation......Ho!" Mimosa said, their bodies suddenly flashing red. Mimosa crouched down, slashing at Abraham's knees. Nick and Jessica twirled around and sliced at Abraham's mid-section. Steve jumped up and sliced at Abraham's shoulders. Sean jumped up even further and swung at Abraham's head. They all then clumped together in a victory battle pose. Abraham looked down. Abraham's knees got sliced off, then his mid-section, his shoulders and finally, his head detatched from his neck. Abraham was defeated. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOO" he screamed. The whole island began shaking violently. Black rays of light kept emanating out of Abraham's corpse. He was about to blow.

    "We have to get out of here!" Dolphin merged her powers with the Atlantic Ocean, and summoned a huge tidal wave that was big enough to carry all the adventurers out of the island. They all started swimming as fast as they could. Mune conjured little raftboats for people to sail themselves in, especially for the ones that weren't very good swimmers. Sam turned around and watched the whole island explode.

    Maria noticed something floating in the debris, lodged between two palm trees. She pulled apart the trees with a few group member's help and picked up the object. "The Black Axe of Abraham..... I'm a Fire Mage, I can't equip this" Maria said. "Looks like melee classes will have to roll for it."

    Sean, Steve, Nick, Mimosa, Jessica and all the other melee classes kept agruing about who could keep such an epic weapon. I mean shit, an Idea used it, it has to be really strong. "Hey Sam, do you have any dice?" Sean called out.

    "Just let Sean have it" Sam said.

    "You're only saying that because you're in love with him!" Jessica said. "That is not fair!" Everybody in the raid kept arguing again.

    "Ugh guys, do not fight over loot damnit" Bionicgoat said.

    "No, I'm being objective. Sean is the raid's main tank, gearing him up first is the most important thing, right? The weapon goes to Sean, and I don't lo-...." Sam looked at Sean and then looked away. He knew he had to try and keep his private life separate from his work now, but he didn't want to exactly lie. "Er, um, er, umm...shut up Jessica!"

    Sean picked up the axe and put it in his back holster. "All right man!" he said happily.

    They all managed to safely swim and sail to another island. They saw one normal old couple sitting in beach chairs, who looked at all the adventurers and just gawked. "Go away" Sam said all broody and introverted-like. The normals screamed in fear and ran away. "Yeah see man, this is what I meant about you making our reputation suck..." Steve whispered to Sam from behind.

    Diana approached Sam, wringing the last bit of water from her blonde locks. "Uh, Sam....about us being one big happy family now, this sort of thing can't happen often, you know that, right? Us being together like this does make us stronger. But it also makes us more vulnerable, and we wouldn't want to be just all lumped up together, only to be defeated all at once by a smarter foe."

    Slacker Mom stood by Diana. "Yeah, for an Idea, Abraham is pretty weak" she said. "A lot of us have been studying about the Ideas too, when we have the time...."

    Guanzon nodded at Diana and Slacker Mom. "Yeah.....our own lives, Sam. Like Isha told you about before?" Gulanzon said snottily. "We have them remember? We put a big enough dent in evil enough to back off for awhile, wouldn't you say?" the tone of his voice was of course anger mixed with sadness.

    Sean walked up to Sam. "Yeah, I have to get back to work" He looked down at his watch. "Like, now." Sam's heart kinda sunk in his chest. It was what Sam was afraid of, he finally met a guy he liked but the guy just wanted to go to work and do normal life-ish things all the damn time. "But Sean? You got that cool looking axe. You don't wanna go fight some demons?"

    "Maybe later, Sam" Sean said. He kept walking off, with Sam staring at his ass when he did so. Sam looked at everybody just trailing off....."Uh, Ezra? Hey! Ezra, remember our 'Yin-yin' joke man, heh, you want to come fight with me, right?" Ezra shook his head and walked past Sam. "Maria? We can go to gay bars and have slumber parties and yeaaaaah!" Maria shook her head. "I'm sorry Sam, but not now...." she said.

    "Is there ANYBODY that's gonna be in MY party?" Sam shouted. Dolphin stood by Sam and half-smiled. "I am here still, but we do need a break." Steve went up to Sam again. "I'm in." Sam knew that Gulanzon would be out. "Vero?" Sam said.

    "Yeah, Adam and I are in still" she said solemnly. Sam looked at Akra. "How about you?"

    Akra shook her head. "Trust me, I do want to fight evil with you Sam. It's just.... I have to practice my powers a lot more, privately. I blame myself for what happened in that Clear Dragon fight. I just KNOW there's a song to break stop, and well- I guess right now I'm just plauged with too much guilt." She started to walk away, but she turned back around again after five seconds. "I might return, someday.... but now, Gulanzon needs somebody to look after him. He's not really in the mood to speak to you, Sam."

    Sam looked at Dolphin, Steve, Vero and Mune. "Looks like it's just us five now" Sam said. They saved the world from total destruction by an Idea, but the victory was bittersweet, considering at what they lost in the process.

    End of Chapter 23
    Last edited by Bullets; 12-10-2009 at 08:37 AM.
    n0ki: If it weren't for faggy civilization, people like me and bnd would be totally dead by now.

  24. #24

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    Chapter 24: Jason versus Justin

    All the objects in the apartment were thrown around, indicating that a fight has been going on for quite awhile. None of the boys were in their 'superhero' outforms though. But they were far from being any kind of hero.

    Justin punched Jason, but Jason blocked and double-kicked him. Jason tackled Justin and grabbed him by the throat. "You will die, fag" Jason said. Justin pried Jason's hands apart so he couldn't choke him. "I am not a fag, I'm bi, god, how many times do I gotta say it!" Justin said. He kicked Jason off of him. "You are only trying to kill your own homosexuality by killing me, I know how self-loathing works!" Justin walked toward Jason, only to be whacked hard with a desk!

    "I can heal myself, you can't, I'm going to win" Jason said. "Just give up." He punched Justin down. He went in for a second punch, but Justin grabbed Jason's fist and twisted his wrist. "Just come out of the closet! In the real objective world, not just to yourself...." Justin headbutted Jason.

    Jason looked down at trickles of blood on his hand, the fucker gave him a nosebleed. "I'd lose too much power, I'm a celebrity you're just some upper middle class kid. And while you're higher than Sam, a middle-middle class fag, you're not higher than ME! Upper UPPER class" Jason hopped in the air and kicked Justin his neck, in that tender spot in your adam's apple. Justin yelped out and stumbled backwards into the fridge. "Come on, you didn't think I actually loved you, did you?" Jason laughed. Justin spit blood in Jason's face.

    "Yes, I think you did. And you get so ashamed of it, things like this start to happen" Justin said.... "We can work things out, Jason...." Justin said. Jason just roundhouse kicked Justin two times in a row. "We can still rape boys together" Justin said. He blocked the third roundhouse kick and spun Jason in the air multiple times with a Gladiator special attack.

    "No... that path just clings one to the bottom for all eternity" Jason said. He levitated himself up backwards and landed safely on two feet like that thing you see in movies all the time. "I want to go higher in life..." He punched Justin so hard he went flying through the ceiling, making a hole in it, and crashed back down. "OOooommnggffgghhhhhfffh...." Justin said. "I want to become one with my Idea" Jason said. "Most fags are just slow suicides. But not me, I'm gonna become something big."

    Justin frowned, he knew that wasn't a good idea. "I thought you loved me, I thought we were in this together."


    Justin suddenly somersaulted forward and stabbed Jason in the heart with a butcher knife that he had sneaked in his pocket somewhere in the chaos of the fight. Jason looked at Justin, remorse filling Justin's eyes the second he got stabbed. "I'm so sorry baby" Justin said. Justin held Jason as he died in his arms. A sort of 'plastic peace' looked like it may have found Jason in the end.

    Justin frowned. "I-I don't want to be a pure demon anymore. Oh god, what has gotten into me?" he said. "There must be some way to change back...." He ran out of the apartment, and back to see Cassandra. That same demon that removed his and Jason's souls. It was about a twenty minute jog from their apartment.

    "Reverse it, give me back my soul again!" Justin screamed. Cassandra just stared. She had no voice of her own. The black voice from before told him, There is no soul, it has shattered into oblivion via your own will. Your heart burnt like charcoal even if you still feel those feelings underneath, there's no way you will ever be clean.....You are ours. Forever.

    "Nooooooo" Justin screamed. The dimension Cassandra was in vanished, and he realized he was talking to a brick wall. A 20-something dude in a skull cap just looked at him as if he were psycho. Justin punched the wall. "Damnit, no....." Wait Justin, wait. Jason said it was about relationship. The baddest of the bads don't have relationships with others. I just have to reconnect with others again, and not dismiss them by talking about my college degrees that nobody cares about. That and acting like I know more about socionics and psychology than most people. Justin saw an old woman walk by. "Hey uh, how are you doing?" he asked. The woman just held her purse tight to her bosom and ran away. "Cops, a mugger, help!" she screamed. Justin ran off in the other direction. Okay uh, yeah I came on a little too strong there.... Justin thought.

    Justin walked off, lonely in the night. This is gonna be harder than I thought. "I.....I can't go evil" he said out loud. "I won't let myself."

    ~End of Chapter 24~
    Last edited by Bullets; 12-14-2009 at 09:32 AM.
    n0ki: If it weren't for faggy civilization, people like me and bnd would be totally dead by now.

  25. #25

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    Chapter 25: No Rest For The Wise And The Wonderful

    Sam, Dolphin, Steve, Vero and Mune were in a sleazy motel 6 (they couldn't risk anything better cause of their reputation in the world), resting up after a long journey. None of them were in their superhero clothes anymore, they were just wearing regular jammies. Vero and Mune were on the floor playing scrabble, Dolphin was sleeping in, Sam was looking out of the window at the beautiful beaches, and Steve was reading a book by Eckhart Tolle. "Eckhart's another pure demon we have to kill, you know that right?" Sam said to Steve.

    "We should just go after the Ideas, like Abraham?" Steve said. "We can't go to them but maybe we can make them come to us?" he said. "We don't even know how Abraham got to earth, anyway" he added.

    Sam looked at Steve. "Slacker Mom was right, Abraham was an Idea-Lightweight. But my guess is we can rally the troops again, if need be" Sam said. "I thought going for the Ideas was the way to go too, but I-I'm not so sure anymore. I'm not certain if I can turn on 'epic mode' all the time" Sam said.

    "Ah yes, our real lives..." Steve winked. Sam just rolled his eyes. "Any idea on what you want to do for a living?" Steve said.

    "Not, really..." Sam said. "Now that I see who the real power-players are, I'm not sure I can go back. It's like....I'm purely magical, and all the outside systems, you just kinda end up seeing them for the useless veil that they are and well, my legacy kinda has melted in my brain. I don't wanna shop, or get a job, or play any more games. Video, computer, or board. I just want to save the world. It's like, I have to. Deep in my core" Sam said. "But I can understand if you guys don't wanna come with. Doesn't matter anyway, I'd just get new friends...." Sam said, staring out the window again. Steve just listened emphatically.

    Sam spoke again. "I got these visions in the night. I realized my true purpose for going to Akliash. I know who all the pure demons are, I don't have to be near them anymore to sense it. I know exactly where they are now. I have a sort of hit list in my brain" Sam said. "Now it's just a matter of killing them off before they can kill us" Sam said.

    "Yeah well what about the Ideas that made the Pure Demons" Steve said. "Couldn't just the Idea of them make more of them?" he said. He began making lots of gestures with his hands.

    "Maybe" Sam said. "But what else are we gonna do? It may not be perfect, but it's the best we got. At least we won't cause more evil, with Mune wearing the crown. Too bad now that he's on earth, he's physical again - even when he's not wearing the crown. But we'll protect him." Sam looked over at Mune and Vero, they looked so happy just getting to be normal people, playing a game. Sam frowned, knowing that he might lose one of them, or both.

    Sam looked out the window. And saw none other than Mark Mcgrath, lead singer of the popular 90s band Sugar Ray. He was sitting shirtless on a beach chair. "He's a pure demon?" Sam said, surprised and kind of saddened. "Figures, another gay-like but not really gay narcissistic washed up wannabe porn star hollywood stuck up preppy guy that we have to slay. Well, there's Jason still too" Sam said, not realizing that Justin had already killed Jason. His insight wasn't THAT good.

    Sam woke Dolphin up, got dressed in his save-the-world gear, encouraged the others to do so too, and the five walked out into the beach to meet Mark Mcgrath. "Hi" Sam said. Sam took out his shaman staff and whacked Mark hard in the back of his head.. "Bye" Sam said. He looked over at Mune. "Okay, finish him off" Sam said. "Yeah, send him! Like Yuna in Final Fantasy X? Okay not really. Sorry for the final fantasy jokes, I know they're so cliche. I miss Gulanzon though" Dolphin said.

    Mune put on his crown and conjured a small anvil to fall on Mark's head, killing him. The rest of the beach people saw this. Instead of running away screaming like normal humans with souls would though, they just stood up and glared at the party. "Oh my god, it's Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen. Sharon Stone?" Sam said. "She's my dual, but she's still a pure demon. They all are" he said. "We're on some celebrity beach thing" Sam said. The Olsen Twins, Sharon Stone, and Carrot Top surrounded the party. "You ARE WILL DIE AND NOW YOU WILL DIE NOW ARGH WILL DIE AND YOU WILL DIE" Carrot Top said like the fucked up lunatic he was. His eyes were going all crazy and spinny.

    "God you're not funny, nobody likes you, why the hell are you even famous, is it just the red hair, that's boring!" Sam said to Carrot Top. "At least he's not Pauly Shore" Steve quipped, knowning that this celebrity smackdown wouldn't really be complete without a pauly shore joke. "Well no matter, we can fight you guys no problem" Sam said, grasping tighter on his staff. The weapon one. ;p Feminazis: Gasp! Uh, I mean. THE WOODEN STICK NOT PENIS ONE. The celebrities all closed in on the party, and went straight for Mune.

    "It's the crown, a magical artifact from a higher planet. They're naturally drawn to it" Mune said with a frown. "I haven't learned my a-o-e taunt yet!" Steve said, eyeballing all of the celebs. Vero positioned herself in the middle of the four and teleported them..... in a tundra in Alaska.

    Vero thought they'd be safe here, but the party saw these gigantic, morbidly obese green ogres riding these wooly mammoths things for mounts. The ogres started to shoot arrows at the party. Sam froze one of the arrows with his Stop ability, just seconds before it could penetrate Mune's chest. Similar to Piper from Charmed. "You're like a magnet for danger, Mune" Sam said. "But I'm 'The One' Sam, you said it yourself! I guess, the fight will never end?" Mune said. Sam frowned. "This is ridiculous..... we can't live like this" Vero said. "We're still human, yeah Dolphin can make us food and water so we never have to worry about that, but we still need other stuff. We can't just fight fight fight all the time like the Ideas can" she said.

    "And that might be the problem. Still being human....." Sam said.

    "What are you talking about? You're kinda creeping me out, Sam" Dolphin said with a frown. She screeched as she dodged an arrow. She cast Water Jet on Mune, protecting him from an onslaught of about thirty arrows at once. All the arrows missed Mune and stabbed themselves into a tree. "They're really good I can't even get range on them" Dolphin said. She got smart and she cast chill on the ground instead of trying to shoot it directly at the bad guys. The ice spell melted into the tundra and the earth itself carried the spell over to the ogres. It caused them to ride on their mounts a lot slower and less ravaged-like, allowing the party to dodge the arrows a lot easier.

    "Good thinking!" Steve said in that kind of overly enthusiastic self-help book way that he speaks in.

    "Ack stop thanking me every three seconds like a Charmed episode, I know it was good thinking!" Dolphin said.

    "Yeah sorry Steve, but we need some umm originality to get out of this mess, I think" Sam said. He cast Triangle on Mune. But a bunch of arrows just one-shotted the shield. Mune was about to get hit with an arrow, but Steve appeared in front of him and took it instead. So fast it was like he teleported there. Steve has learned the ability 'Intervene!' "Yeaaah!" Steve said. Sam healed Steve up with his newly earned 'Regain' spell.

    Vero sighed and teleported the party again, a little farter away in Alaska, but at least they were away from the Ogres now. They turned around. "Oh my god it's Snow from Final Fantasy 7, that one mini-boss that gives you the Alexandra materia!" Sam said. "I didn't think she was really real but I guess she's a manifested idea like anything else so, hey?"

    Snow just looked at the party and smiled. "The crown. All the Special Ones crave for so much power. But it shall be mine!" Snow lifted her right hand and with her left tried to telekintically pry the crown from Mune's head. "Eat fire bitch" Dolphin said in a rush. She threw up her arms and flicked her hands (like Piper from Charmed, again) and cast a Flame spell on Snow from the inside out. That is, she placed the fire spell inside of Snow instead of simply casting it on her outside body. It was enough to one-shot the ice-type witch. She exploded in a hundred little bloody snowballs. Which they had to then use against the Ogres, because they had caught up with them in no time at all.

    "Good think-" Dolphin grabbed Steve's tongue and emitted a tiny bit of fire magic to his tongue to make Steve squeal in pain. "Don't. Say. It."

    "We're not safe anywhere. This is ridiculous" Vero said. Her favorite word. The ogres were closer now, and she could use her magic against them. She cast thunderbolts on them.

    Mune knew what he had to do. He took off the crown and used his power to conjure a large hammer that hovered over the crown. He squinted tightly. He smashed the crown to bits with his hammer. The ogres didn't stop their attack though, and continued to go after the party. Sam, Steve, Dolphin, Vero and Mune all managed to defeat them with their abilities. While they were waiting on Vero's teleport to recharge enough to be powerful enough to send them back to Florida, a helicopter with none other than Mr. Wear, the evil black man from Starr Commonwealth, flew down beside them. Mr. Wear jumped down from the chopper and landed cat-like on two feet.

    "Hold your fire" Sam said to the group. This guy was much stronger then them and if they weren't careful he would kill them in seconds.

    "Snow was actually a half-demon you blew up, see what happens when you try to fight evil. The poor thing was merely possessed by the crown itself. The ogres on the other hand yeah, they were evil. But you just keep doing it" Mr. Wear laughed. "We've been watching the fight for awhile" he said. "I suppose it's hard to notice a helicopter following you with all the junk that was going on" he said, faux-empathetic like.

    "It was....for self-defense. Don't tell me I made even more demons!" Dolphin said. She wasn't sure she could live with any more guilt.

    "Well no, but the point is you can't ever stop evil. Stop trying and just join our side!" Mr. Wear said. "In fact you just gave up your only real hope of making a difference." He pointed to the destroyed crown. "It would be hard long and grueling but you didn't want wanted safe, easy lies. Just like us."

    Vero put her head down. "We couldn't put up with that. How would we sleep? It was too much....."

    "An Idea doesn't worry about things like sleep!" Mr. Wear said. "You should know that."

    "The point is we aren't Ideas!" Vero said firmly. "We are what stop the Ideas!"

    "Hahahaha you think Ideas care about Good or Evil, stupid little dumb feminist girl. Oh by the way, it was really juicy when your friend got raped" he suddenly said to Vero.

    Sam and the others just gasped at this man's evilness. Vero was about to lose her cool, but the others calmed her down. "How do you know about that? How long have you been spying on us?" she said.

    Mr. Wear just smiled. He refused to answer Vero's questions. "I would just kill you all out here in the snow. But, you white folks do more harm to yourselves and it's just too damn entertaining to watch. You already know how you can make that go away though so *sigh*. He laughed and jumped back into his chopper. The rest of the party just stared at the noisy helicopter whizzing away. They all felt bitter, angry, lost, alone and confused.

    ~End of Chapter 25~
    Last edited by Bullets; 02-07-2010 at 05:19 AM.
    n0ki: If it weren't for faggy civilization, people like me and bnd would be totally dead by now.

  26. #26

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    Chapter 26: Surprise!

    Mune put his head down. The party was still in Alaska, contemplating over everything that has happened. "So I'm not the one anymore. I'm not .....all that special, without my crown."

    Sam affectionately put a hand on Mune's shoulder and looked right into his eyes. "I made that all up, Adam. About you being 'The One' and Chosen-Boy. You were always a vital part of the team, but I had to make you sound better than you really were so you would help us" Sam said. "I hope you understand." Mune nodded. "Yes Sambo."

    "I thought that crown was supposed to dampen both your powers and your vibration" Dolphin said. "But now it's destroyed. So why aren't you back in Akliash?" Dolphin asked Mune. "All going floaty up with your purely positive self." She raised her hands and wiggled her fingers.

    "I don't know. I g-guess hanging out with you guys, I hurt my own vibration. But honestly, I don't give a shit. I'm having fun." Mune sighed. He pointed to the smashed bits of the crown. "That crown was a pure artifact of good, but now it's gone and oh well, the Ideas can worry about it, right. We're just people."

    Sam shook his head. Not to Mune, but just to like existence itself. He looked up at the orange-blue sky, as if talking to God. "Well come on, it was just unrealistic for us to keep fighting and fighting like that with NO BREAKS whatsoever. We'd eventually lose."

    Vero thought about something. "Well, sure, our bodies would die. But we might be that much closer to the Realm of Ideas."

    Sam sighed. "I've been thinking about that. But, okay patching up everything we learned so far. Every thought we have is an Idea, which is an actual Being, right? Every single thought. Just think, how many thoughts do we have at any given moment? Countless. There's just so many of them. Even if we went to where the Ideas lived, somehow- how would we hope to stop *all* of them."

    "Yeah in like five seconds I can think a gazillion things at once, how do I focus on one pure thought as one pure being when it's all twisted and tied around in my brain" Dolphin said. "Like these gray balls of thread tangled up in green vines and brambles." She scratched her head. "I see what you mean. I don't think it's possible to stop all of them. Even with meditation."

    Sam nodded. "Our best bet is to try and figure out just what an Idea was doing down to earth to begin with. Why would Abraham risk being harmed like that? We should visit Sigma again."

    Steve face palmed and then snapped his fingers a few times. "Wait, Abraham. I know that name. The name of the Idea we killed, right. Esther Hicks, the thing that she says speaks to her and gives her advice to tell loser middle-class people. She calls it Abraham" he said. "Ooh" Vero said. "And the two portals we saw back in Akliash, one had Esther and the other had Abraham" she added.

    "Hmm. There's a connection between Esther Hicks and Abraham"? Sam asked.

    "Yes! I read enough of these self-help books to know that" Steve said.

    "And Sigma is connected to Esther, he works for her, so yeah he's the one we should go to next" Dolphin said, the trinity using their brains together to come up with the solution. "I'm not above torturing people for information if we need it" Dolphin said. "Sigma had to have known what he was getting into by being associated with somebody like Esther."

    "Well it's probably too late to go after Esther now anyway" Vero said. "We had to choose to beat up Abraham instead. Whatever Esther was doing up on that building, she got away with it."

    Sam shook his head. "Yeah I-can't sense her with my Shaman powers. It's like she's not on this plane anymore. Not a pure demon, but she's still here in a way that I can't put my finger on. Or anything 'on' cause it's like, she's not corporeal in a way that I can figure out." Sam blinked. He finally got it. "Her ultimate plan was to become one with her Idea. And she succeeded. She's an Idea now" he said.

    "Great. One more thing we gotta worry about" Mune said.

    "I'm not sure if I really get that, become one with your Idea. Don't we already do that in little ways here on earth?" Dolphin said.

    "Maybe but uhh I mean well the Idea of Us, is more powerful than the us, right here- the physical us. The Ideas can just keep making more manifestations of themselves in the physical, real world- but when you become one with you and You, you probably get to see yourself through the eyes of your own Idea and in the Realm Ideas."

    "Ah yes it would make sense" Steve said. "To go to where the Ideas live you have to BE an Idea."

    "But if you become one with your Idea, the lesser merged with the greater, can a form of you still be on earth then. Or would that mean if you die up there - you'd die forever. Completely? With no way in hell of coming back...." Mune asked to nobody in particular.

    Dolphin looked at Sam and frowned. Would his gay male sense of justice and morality propel him to do something stupid like become an Idea just to fight the Ideas. "So to fight evil you have to become evil?" she asked. Something wasn't clicking with that.

    "All Ideas aren't evil, are they. It's not that simple, is it?" Vero said.

    Sam sighed. "I don't know. But there has to be another way. Come on, let's go so see Sigma. Vero, you think you can teleport us directly to his hut in Akliash, since you've been there before?" Vero nodded.

    A few seconds later, the five were standing in Sigma's place. He was sitting there in his leather chair, facing away from the group. Sam was about to approach him, but got nervous. Steve approached him instead. "I'm the straight guy I'll be the one that's intimidating" he said. "Hey you, be a man and show yourself! We know that you worked for a pure demon, are you really helping us or are you tempting us with power to make us fuck up and fight for the other team! Explain yourself now or these ladies are going to have some fun with you."

    Dolphin shot a whirlpool of water on the chair's wheels to make sigma turn around. "He said.....turn around." The party gasped as they saw Sigma there in his blue robes, but he was holding a baby in his arms! Sigma smiled and got up. "Now now kids there's no need for violence" he said in that patronizing tone. "I will explain, but in the mean time, Sam, how would you like to hold your son?"

    Sam blinked. "Son? I'm gay, I don't fuck women, I can't have a son!" he said.

    Sigma held up a baby wrapped up in a yellow terrycloth blanket, Lion King Circle of Life style. He looked only a few days old. "He has just been reborn again. As long as the Idea of Eldanen is safe, he can always be manifested on earth, and even on other planets. It's just, well, it takes a little while longer for some of us to come back depending on lots of circumstances." He walked up to Sam and practically pushed the baby in his arms. "Here, you need to hold him."

    "Isha...." Mune said.

    Sam gulped. "Eldanen! You said his name was Eldanen? Oh my god, it's- eldanen. Baby eldanen." Sam said. He looked at the baby and tears began to well in his eyes as he let the cute little baby hold his finger and play with it. "Miley Cyrus killed him but he's back now cause as long as the Idea of him exists, he will exist."

    "Yes, Sam. Congratulations. You're a father now." Sigma said.

    ~End of Chapter 26~
    n0ki: If it weren't for faggy civilization, people like me and bnd would be totally dead by now.

  27. #27

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    Chapter 27: The Summoner Class

    "Father. Father? How is Sambo a Daddy-o now?" Mune said, speaking in that cool cat way that he speaks in.

    "Well gay people don't have kids a sexual way, but through the Ideas. Why most of you are writers and stuff. But it's all a bit more well, magical than that" Sigma said. "You are all kinda bound by one Idea, the idea of gayness" he said.

    "So I uh, dreamnt him all up?" Sam said with a blink.

    "Yes. Just like you dreamnt me up, and Dolphin. Everybody. And they made you up and me them and us them, all together as one big family" Sigma kept making invisible lines with his hands and crossed his arms up and tied them together to his body in an awkward, comical position. "So you see how it gets all tied up and complicated, our relationships with each other?"

    "I'm tired of grand preachy big moral lessons" Sam said, almost dropping baby Eldanen. "I already know that humanity is just one big family more or less, that's why I want to help save it. But we need something specific. Like....what do we do now."

    "You protect that kid with all you got. He's not just any boy. He's a.....summoner."

    Dolphin blinked. "A summoner? Ooooh."

    "It's what Esther Hicks was. That was my connection to her. You see, that's kinda my real job, apart from everything else I already told you. I help raise summoners. Out of tradition and also my own will. The reason why I look so young but act so old is well, I'm immortal. My pure idea has been frozen so I don't change."

    "Esther turned on you?" Steve said. "I mean it's obvious that she turned evil, but why?"

    "Well more like, I gave up on her as well. You all have to understand, I can't keep doing this! I need a break. Esther turned pure evil and almost drove me insane, and evil myself. Summoners are a difficult class to raise, I mean really- all of them I know ended up going bad, the power they wield tempts them too greatly and well yeah. But these aren't regular final fantasy summoners no! They don't summon mere dragons or special creatures, well they do- but that's just the beginning stages. They summon Ideas. They can bring Ideas down to reality. Make our dreams come true, they can. Or destroy everybody else's while trying to manifest their own....."

    The party all realized something. It all clicked. "Esther, she was the one who summoned Abraham to earth....." Sam said.

    "Ideas" Mune mumbled. "Always about the Ideas."

    "Well yeah what makes me any different?" Sam said. "Eldanen will just turn evil like all the others and I couldn't bear watching that." He looked at the cute baby's eyes and couldn't help but feel his heart melt. He looked like a Gerber baby, albeit a slightly more white trashy one.

    Sigma shook his head. "My my aren't we being fatalistic. There is still hope, he's just a baby. And I figured out what we were doing wrong. See, we kept the summoners too hidden from the world. It's part of what corrupted Esther, why she turned into some scam "self-help" artist instead of getting a quote en quote 'real job.' We protected and sheltered them too much, but maybe if we exposed them to the world more, things would be different this time around."

    Steve laughed at that. "No offense but Sam hides from the world just as much as any" he said

    "Well I guess this is a life lesson for both of you then" Sigma said with a wink. "Yes, that baby is your destiny! He is your purpose. Your Next Direction. At least, for now."

    Sam looked down. And then up. "Eldanen can perhaps summon Good Ideas. The Ideas that aren't like Abraham. Ideas to help us all. Ideas that might help out with the really big stuff, like indirectly causing more evil while trying to do good, the messy temporal planes and inter-dimensional webbery that we don't know about yet" he said.

    "Well yeah, that's what we hope for. We all want a better world Sam. And maybe, now, you can help make it happen."

    "Most summoners live in Akliash or a higher planet for many years before going back to earth. But this time, we do things differently. It's a lot more dangerous of course, but with no risk there's no reward, and all that. He will be hunted often. Will smell like fresh cocoa to pure demons, that one."

    Sam held Eldanen tighter to his chest. "You all will help me protect him....right?" Sam said to his friends. "Sure" Steve said. "Of course!" Vero said. "Yeah, Sambo" Mune said. "You can count on us." Dolphin approached Sam and smiled. "I wouldn't be happier. This kid right here, is the real deal" Dolphin said.

    Mune put his head down. "I'm....a little jealous. I'll be honest. I thought it was me with the crown, but no it's him. Eldanen."

    Steve thought about something else. "But, Eldanen was a warlock in his other life. Why is he a summoner now?"

    "The truth is, we just got really lucky with this one. Summoners don't happen very often, just a good genetic dice roll as far as his class goes" Sigma said. "But if you fail, yes Eldanen will come back as another class, most likely his default Warlock one. However, it will be next to impossible we will get another chance to fight back the tides of evil....but you know um, no pressure" Sigma started to laugh nervously.

    The gang said their thank-yous and goodbyes to Sigma and teleported back to the Motel 6 in Florida, now with Baby Eldanen in tow. Whoa. This sure was an interesting surprise! Sam thought. He realized Baby Eldanen had a stinky diaper, so he lied him down on the table and started to change him. For now he would have to be tied up in one of J Riddy's bandannas that he let Sam have, cause he thought they looked cool.

    Sam turned to Dolphin and whispered. "I-I'm not really this kid's dad, am I?" Sam said. "I know you can do a lot with magic but babies just aren't made the way that I have sex!"

    Dolphin shrugged. "Does it matter. You have the IDEA that you are, and that's all that really counts. Blood is just blood. But if you think you are that kid's father and raise him to believe that too, then you are. You know, the thought is more powerful than the substance" Dolphin said. "And there are plenty of real parents who hate what they have and well....I guess Sigma said that to you, so you wouldn't just abandon him."

    "Yes. He gave me this kid to protect. And.....I want to" Sam said. "Not only do I feel I HAVE to do it, but I WANT to do it, like that feeling you get when you land your 'dream job."

    "He won't be so isolated like the other summoners were" Dolphin said. "He has us. He is our hope that little kid. And I won't let anything happen to him."

    ~End of Chapter 27~
    n0ki: If it weren't for faggy civilization, people like me and bnd would be totally dead by now.

  28. #28

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    Chapter 28: Romance And Reality

    ~A Few Days Later~

    "What are you guys talking about?" Sam said. Steve and Dolphin were giggling like junior high students, sitting on the big window sill in the Motel 6. Each had one of their foots dangling over the side.

    "Oh, you haven't heard?" Dolphin said. "Mune and Vero are a couple again now! They got back together." "Yeah, didn't you hear them last night?" Steve asked.

    "No I didn't, because I was too distracted by baby Eldanen's crying. And I'm the only one that went to help him!" Sam said, kind of snottily. Steve and Dolphin just looked at each other and kind of sheepishly smiled.

    "I'm not known to be the realistic one, but um we can't just keep staying at this Motel 6, forever" Sam said. "We need to move out. None of us have real jobs so this place is on our parents' tab."

    Sam frowned. "I have to be responsible now. Even if I don't want to...."

    Steve laughed. "Yeah, you go do that." He looked at Dolphin and giggled. Sam just rolled his eyes and went back to paying attention to baby Eldanen.

    Steve and Dolphin realized they were touching each other's hands. Dolphin kinda just shyly looked away. Steve sighed. "Dolphin, I-I know I'm not the perfect guy and all, but we've just spent so much time together helping Sam fight evil, that we're bound to umm, like each other and stuff. You know? And well, time is short. Maybe in another life you'd find somebody better, but-"

    Dolphin rolled her eyes. "Yes Steve, I will go out with you. I find you reasonably attractive enough as well" she said with a smile.

    "This isn't Motel Romance!" Sam said, referring to Steve and Dolphin's and Vero and Mune's recent coupling. Of course he watched the whole thing between Steve and Dolphin just now. "I'm happy for you both but blah."

    "I think we're all kinda getting on each other's nerves now" Steve said. "Dolphin and I just want to be together, and Vero and Mune - and you and umm....the baby. But not like that cause gross! Yeah, we do need to get out of this motel. Back to our parent's place" he said.

    "Oh come on. We're all in our 20s. We don't need to go back to our parents. We can have our own place" Sam said. "We should all get jobs."

    "This isn't like you Sam!" Steve said, his eyebrows raised in surprise.

    "Yeah well, things gotta be different. If we want this kid to create a better world, we're gonna have to just man up and do stuff we might not want to do."

    Vero got out of the shower and stepped out into the living area with the others. She had a blue towel wrapped around her body, and one curled up in her hair. "We could all live in a duplex. We'd share the rent, but we'd all have our own space. So it's like, we all could have our own privacy and fight the demons together when need be" she said. She picked up her clothes and went back in the bathroom to change.

    "That's ....a great idea" Sam said. "Well um what's the first step. We'd need jobs."

    "No place would hire us cause of what happened way back with Miley" Dolphin said with a frown. "The outside world hates our guts remember?"

    Sam thought about that. "I know what we gotta do" he said all resolved and heroic shaman-like, while holding Eldanen closely. He turned to Vero. Who was now back with the party, fully dressed. "Vero? You worked for the government, you know people in power. You think you can hook me up with a meeting with the Mayor of this city?"

    "Uh, sure. Yeah. I think so?" Vero said. "How is this gonna help us get our own place."

    "You'll see" Sam said. "But you guys might wanna dress up. Not in superhero gear, but in 'Look Good For The Real World' gear. Because we're all gonna be on TV."

    Mune nodded. "I can whip us up something nice with my conjuring power" he said.


    A few hours later, Sam stood up on a podium, in a room in City Hall, and spoke to the camera. He was being broadcast on every major news channel in the world. He was wearing a dashing black suit. "Hello. My name is Sam Leonard. I am a young man with a very sketchy past. I am here today because I have a confession I want to make. To the whole world. To everybody who might be watching. I'm a filthy sex offender who needs to redeem for my sins. It's true, I was trying to expose my penis to Miley Cyrus. The truth is, I'm just a lost internet addict that needs lots of help. I mean all that talk about fighting evil, who was I kidding? I have no idea what I'm saying when I say those things! I am just a lost sad little boy. But with society's forgiveness, maybe I can get a normal job and help give back what I took away. Instead of just being a worthless mooch off my parents. My accomplices in crime also wish to join me in the struggle for redemption." The camera panned to Dolphin, Steve, Vero, and Mune, then back to Sam again.

    Dolphin gasped and whispered to Steve so the cameras couldn't hear. "What is he doing? He's lying! Well mostly. But he isn't a sex offender, his fly was just accidentally unzipped there!"

    Steve was impressed. He looked at his friend in wide-eyed wonder. Sam sure was one clever duck. "It doesn't matter if it's true" he whispered back to Dolphin. "The external world already hated us, so him just admitting that he's at's making some people in the outside world root for us again. The liberals in the group homes and the psychologists who give people second chances. As long as you say how filthy and fucked up you are, of course. The windows are opening, and maybe now we can nab that duplex we want."

    When the main camera turned off, Sam looked at Dolphin and the others and winked. Immediately, a hornet's nest of news reporters kept flashing lights at Sam and asking a bunch of questions. Shoving notepads in his face and blabbering. About Sam's Starr Commonwealth days mostly, about why he was so emo and why couldn't he just have sucked it up and went to school, his homosexual relationships with ex-cons and murderers. Sam cast Stop on the media mob, and huddled the others together down the hall and over a corner where they could talk in private.

    "Now nobody in the outside world can know about Baby Eldanen, at least not yet. The real world wouldn't realistically let an openly gay sex offender raise a child, so we sneak him in *after* they let us get our own place. You got it?" Sam said. He looked around at his friends' disappointed and bittersweet faces. "I'm sorry but there really wasn't any other way. We have to lie to get ahead in the external world. But the trick is this, I realized. What separates us from the sleazy politicians and pure demons who do the same. We have to downplay ourselves. We don't need celebrity or the world to adore us. We just need to get the world to work for us a little, just enough to build a life for me and my son."

    Vero nudged Sam, telling him to cut off the 'son' talk cause a guy was approaching him. A confident tall man in a business suit who had just heard Sam's speech to the world.

    The prick-ish looking stuck up lawyer guy walked up to Sam and the others. "Congratulations young man, now you can cook my fries at Mcdonald's!" he said with a frattish asshole laugh.

    Dolphin was about to kick him in the nuts, but Sam cautiously held up his hand at her and simply smiled at the man. "You're right. I should be ashamed for working at Mcdonald's, but it's all I deserve in life. I need help." Sam said all of this sincerely, but inside he was smiling to himself.

    "Yeah and don't you forget it!" the man said. "You'll never be a rich lawyer like me." He spat on Sam's face. "Stupid sex offender." He cockily walked off like a high school bully after he just got done picking on the nerd.

    Sam waved his hands and revealed Eldanen cuddled up to his chest. He had cast a simple cloaking spell to hide him. Sam had learned the ability 'Hide' off-screen! "It's okay" he said after the man walked past. Letting the spit fall down on the floor with a slop. "We don't need fancy things." He looked around at his four friends. Dolphin, Steve, Vero and Mune. And then back down to his son. "We just all need a place to love."

    ~End of Chapter 28~
    Last edited by Bullets; 01-21-2010 at 03:38 PM.
    n0ki: If it weren't for faggy civilization, people like me and bnd would be totally dead by now.

  29. #29

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    Chapter 29: Eldanen And His Two Daddies

    The Fabulous Five was unloading their things out of a U-Haul and into their new place. They all had sweatshirts and sweatpants on. "We got the duplex, I'm so excited!" Vero said. "Yeah we can now be cool romantic 20 somethings that share our first place together. Like the movie rent, or the Sex in the City Girls!" Dolphin said excitedly. "Well they didn't live together I don't think but ya know, same difference."

    "Ooh can I be Samantha?" Sam said. Even though he knew as a writer, he was much more of a Carrie.

    "We have to keep really busy though" Sam said while setting down a heavy box of books in the corner of the kitchen. "People are really watching us like a hawk. We all have to attend gay-ass state-appointed group-therapy sessions. I'm sorry guys, but we're all smart enough to tell those yokels what they want to hear."

    "Yeah, it's a price to be expected" Dolphin said.

    "How is...." Mune looked around the street. He waited for a man to pass them. "The baby doing" he said in a low whisper.

    "Oh, he's fine" Sam said. "He's napping in the guest bedroom. I bought one of those baby monitor things at Wal-Mart" Sam said. "So if he cries, I'll be there in seconds" Sam said.

    Sam looked down at his watch. "Okay, that's enough for now. Everything is out of the truck, we'll finish unpacking later in the evening. Now, Vero and Mune stays with the baby till the evening- they don't have to work till later. Vero has a job as a social worker at the therapy place we all have to go to. Mune, you work at fed-ex. Steve works at the local dollar store. Dolphin- you work at tj maxx and me, umm." Sam sighed. "I work at Mcdonald's" he said with a groan.

    Mune shrugged. "Hey it's not exactly our ideal careers, but we're all working now, which is great. And we should be able to juggle our schedules around to take turns watching Eldadiddlyo" he said.

    "Yeah, it's like he has five parents" Dolphin said.

    Sam smiled. He was wearing a cute light blue sweatshirt that brightened up his face. "Well, I guess this is it gang. Our new life." He turned around and looked at their 3-story Victorian home. It was painted light pink, for gayness. It was a little shabby and rundown and had a mice problem that they had to deal with, but if they worked at it, it could be really good.

    Later that evening,

    "Working pretty much sucks as much as I thought it would" Sam said with a sigh as he entered the kitchen. "But it's good to be home." He looked around. Dolphin was in the kitchen making dinner. He looked in the living room. Mune had his work clothes on, and was playing with baby Eldanen.

    "Give your unca mune a good-bye kiss" he said to the baby. "That a boy tiger" he said in that kind of straight guy ish way.

    "You know that kid is gay so he won't be liking sports" Sam said to Mune.

    "Well we don't know that for sure, do we? His old self was gay but....." Mune approached Sam and gave him baby Eldanen to hold. "I gotta go to work. We'll finish this conversation later though!"

    Mune grabbed a few dinner rolls from the table. "Well, I'm outta here. Cya Dolphin" he said as he ran out the door. "Vero already left for work ten minutes ago" Dolphin said while stirring the spaghetti sauce. She scooped up a little bit on the wooden spoon and put it in Sam's mouth. "I hope you don't mind but Steve is taking a nap in your room."

    "Mmmm" Sam said, smiling at the tasty sauce. "You know, we bought a three-unit Duplex for a reason, and this section is technically mine and Eldanen's only. You and Steve already have a section of your own if you want to have loud obnoxious sex" he said.

    Dolphin nodded. "I know but for now, I guess we're all kinda sharing things. And we need keys to each other's places in case of emergency, right?" Dolphin said.

    "Y-yeah I guess you're right. So, how long until dinner" Sam asked.

    "About thirty minutes" Dolphin said, her back facing Sam while she concentrated on adding more spices to the sauce.

    "Hmm....that should be enough time to....." Sam suddenly patted Eldanen's back. "Come on lil guy, I know you can do it. You could do it in your old life....." he whispered. Suddenly, Eldanen and Sam teleported out of the house in a gust of wind magic!

    Dolphin turned around, and dropped the spoon on the floor when she noticed they weren't there anymore. "Oh shit" she said. "Damnit, where did you go Sam?" she said. "Ah well" she said to herself. She got a new spoon from the drawer and went back to working on the dinner.

    Eldanen and Sam had teleported to New York, right outside Sean Mccosker's apartment complex. "Yes! Another teleporter in the group" Sam said excitedly. "And you learned how to do it that quickly, at such a young age. Mmm yeah summoners ARE powerful" he affectionately rubbed eldanen's tummy and he started to coo. Sam concentrated, used his powers of insight and guessed the right numbers to Sean's apartment. He was buzzed in. He read the numbers on the doors. Luckily Sean was on the first floor so he didn't have to climb the stairs.

    "Hi Sean" Sam said.

    "Sam? Uh hey" Sean said. He looked at the baby and was just....confused. Sean was wearing a wife beater and ratted blue jeans, of course he looked so hot to Sam. "Can I uh come in?" Sam shyly asked while cradling Baby Eldanen.

    "Uh sure, I g-guess." Sean rubbed his eyes.

    "Sorry, I would have called first but." Sam gulped. "I don't mean to put you on spot like this but uhh, I'd like you to meet your son. Our son. Eldanen." He handed Eldanen for Sean to hold. Sam watched Sean hold Eldanen. Something about this felt so right.

    Sean frowned. "How did we do this? I never even fucked you. And even if we did, you know we can't.... "

    Sam nodded. "No, he didn't come out of my rectum. It has something to do the Ideas. I mean, a baby needs two parents right. Well, he technically already has five but, the bond should be more....complete than that" Sam said. "He's a very powerful summoner, who can call forth Ideas" Sam said. "And well I have this idea of us, as a family together you know, and I was wondering" Sam sighed. "I know we never were an official couple, but I want to be. And I think you feel the same way about me. I'm in love with you Sean" Sam said.

    Sean looked down at the baby and back up at Sam's face. "I-I'm sorry Sam, but I already have a husband."

    "Honey what is going on?" A buffed up dominican dude walked out from the other room and saw Sam standing there and Sean holding the baby. "Who is this? What is going on?" He asked. His voice curious but also mixed with anger and defensiveness.

    Sam looked at the guy and frowned. He felt his heart break, right there. "I just had this idea, that everything would be not all right, or perfect or tied in a pretty bow, but just b-better if we were a fam-" Sam wiped away the tears. Oh god, he was crying. Sam picked up baby Eldanen from Sean's grasp. "Forget it. I-it's no big deal" Sam said. "Forget I came. I'm so embarrassed. I should have.....known."

    Sean frowned. "Hey uh- I'm sorry man" he said softly. "If you want me to tank any-" But Sam had already stormed out of the apartment with baby Eldanen.

    Sam teleported back to his place with Eldanen. It was kind of ironic how he was crying, and the baby was the one being calm.

    Dolphin immediately noticed Sam crying. She turned down the heat on dinner a bit and walked up to Sam. "Oh honey. What is wrong. What happened?" Dolphin said. She motioned Sam to sit down with her at the table to talk about it.

    "I just thought you know that, if Sean and I were together, it would be....the picture would be kind of complete you know. I know Eldanen has all of you, but I don't have anybody, romantically like you guys have and I thought you know, that it would just be complete, and I love Sean so much. But he has someone else now, a-and I know I don't need another person to complete me, but it wasn't like that, it was like....the whole picture you know but now it's gone and I guess-" Sam huffed up and started crying even harder. He reminded himself to just breathe.

    "Oh honey, there will be guys other than Sean" Dolphin said. "You look so bad. Now come on, you need to take a break. This new life change has been so hard on you. I'm so proud of you for working and raising a kid look like shit. Like Judith Light got hit by a truck."

    Sam laughed. "Thanks, Dolphin. I knew you'd....understand." He looked at Dolphin and smiled. "You're my best friend" he said proudly. With gay neon sailor moon teared up anime eyes.

    Dolphin nodded. "You need to rest. I'll save a plate for you" she said. "Here, I will watch Eldanen while you go nap." Sam handed Baby Eldanen to Dolphin and went back to lie down.

    Sam went to the living room and almost immediately zonked out on the couch. He had his monitor close to his head to wake him up, though.

    Dolphin sung a little tune to herself and stirred the sauce a bit more. She looked down at Eldanen and smiled. Only her eyes suddenly turned a pitch black! Dolphin leaned down and sunk her teeth in Baby Eldanen's soft neck and began draining him like a vampire. Sucking up his innards like he was a capri sun drink box, killing the innocent infant. Dolphin had really been Dark Dolphin this entire chapter, the Dolphin that Dolphin accidentally forged in the 11th Chapter, Starr Commonwealth Part IV, by breaking the resurrection rules!

    Baby Eldanen cried for his life, but Sam couldn't hear him, because Dark Dolphin had removed the monitor's batteries when Sam had left to go visit Sean.

    ~End of Chapter 29~
    n0ki: If it weren't for faggy civilization, people like me and bnd would be totally dead by now.

  30. #30

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    Chapter 30: Poor Gulanzon

    Gulanzon was playing in his tree house in planet Akliash, in half-monkey, half-human form. Akra was beside him. She had been baby-sitting him for weeks now, helping him deal with Isha's death. The scenery was very beautiful and majestic.

    "She'll come back. I know more about how the Ideas work now, so ....she'll come back" Gulanzon said happily.

    Akra just smiled at Gulanzon. "Do you want me to sing you another song? Or we could perhaps watch more Power Rangers re-runs. Or play some Final Fantasy or.....I don't know." She sighed. "I think I miss Sam and the others."

    "Sam is a doo-doo head" Gulanzon said. He threw a banana peel beside Akra. "He got my fiance killed. I....don't know if I can forgive him. But she'll come back....." He impatiently spun his thumbs around together.

    Akra put her head down. "You know that wasn't really Sam's fault. He means well. I just well, it was like I was actually fighting, actually DOING something, and it felt good."

    "Are we really any better off since Sam came into our lives?" Gulanzon asked. "You don't fight evil, he's full of shit. You just let it happen and worry about your own life. God he annoys me so much!"

    "The big picture, dear. We slain a Clear Dragon. They are fearsome beasts that kill indiscriminately. Just like the Ideas, and just like some Pure Demons" she said. "They were a threat to the total whole, and I'd think Isha would be proud to sacrifice herself for the greater good like that."

    "Do not claim to speak for what Isha wanted!" Gulanzon said angrily. "She just wanted to be with me. Do you know how painful that must have been, god, did you see how brutally she got chopped up? And I could only just stand there and watch helplessly."

    Akra frowned. "I know. I guess....." she stood up. "I don't know what to say to you any more Gulanzon, it's like you are just going to get pissed no matter what I do to help you." Akra sighed. "You know, you're just going to have to get over her eventually" she said, almost rudely. She stormed off and walked off in the other direction, but she didn't leave completely. She sat down on a rock about fifty yards away from Gulanzon. "I'm a very compassionate person so I always get the job of baby-sitting people who are going through shit, but I get tired of it" she said.

    Gulanzon just mumbled under his breath and kicked some rocks. After about five more minutes of loathing, he looked up and saw none other than Isha, standing there before him. In a new yellow sage garment, with her black hair neatly tied in a ponytail. "You came back! You came back! Your Idea brought you back here, like I knew it would!" he said. "I didn't think it would be this soon but yay!" He hugged Isha.

    He then drew Isha closer and put his tongue in her mouth. But she pushed him away. "Oh sorry" he said. "I forgot I was still in monkey form!" He changed back into a human, but she still pushed him away. "Gulanzon. It's not what you think" Isha said slowly. "Yes, I am back now. I guess I was connected to my own idea more than I thought" she said modestly. "But I feel, different, somehow. Mostly the same. I mean, I'm still a sage and all, and I still am more or less Isha, with my same wise, introverted personality. But I uh...." She put her head down for a moment, then looked back in Gulanzon's eyes. "You're not going to like what I have to say, but you need to hear this anyway. Come, let's go sit down at that rock over there."

    "I know we can get through anything together" Gulanzon said.

    "That's the thing though, there's not.....going to be a 'together' with us anymore" she said. "Because I'm a lesbian now. I came back, as a lesbian. So I'm not....into you. That way."

    Gulanzon's jaw dropped. "Hardcore rosie-lesbian or crazy psycho bisexual-lesbian or gay for pay porn lesbian" Gulanzon said. "PLEASE LET IT BE THE LATTER! WE CAN GET TOYS!"

    "One-hundred present lesbian. Well perhaps ninety-five, but the five percent just ain't enough for me to be into you that way. And it's not just sexuality, but my soul. My soul just feels lesbian. As silly as that sounds." Isha sighed.

    Gulanzon sweat dropped. "I knew sexuality was fluid but I didn't think it was like THIS. Just my fucking luck. You couldn't have come back at least bisexual?" he said.

    Isha shook her head. "I'm so sorry Gulanzon. We can't be together like that, but I really still want to be your friend."

    Gulanzon shook his head. "I don't know. This is so weird for me, and I- don't know. It might be too hard. We were a couple for three years."

    "And there's something else you should know, too...." Isha said. Akra approached Isha and for some reason wasn't surprised to see her. Like she already knew that she was back. Instead, Akra put her hands around Isha's waist and leaned herself into her! "Gulanzon you already knew I was bisexual, but umm yeah. Isha and I are a couple now" Akra said. They stroked each other's cheeks and kissed each other softly.


    "Just a day or so. I've been meaning to tell you but...."


    "We were already best friends together in Akliash during my straight life, so it was very easy to get close" Isha said.

    "Yeah I umm, I saw her come back to Akliash, the first day. I saw her naked and well, it was love at first sight" Akra said.

    "This is just something you're going to have to accept" Isha said. "We can help you find somebody else, you know- to make it up to you."

    Gulanzon just pouted. "I g-guess. I. I don't know. I. I feel like I want to kill something now. Like a real man. And I think some peace-nik happy go lucky elven-like lesbians will get in the way of that." Gulanzon transformed into a cheetah and dashed out the forest. "FUCK YOU DYKES" he yelled out from afar, making the trees in Mune's Forest reverberate from the sound of his deep masculine cheetah voice.

    "Give him time" Akra said to Isha. "He doesn't mean it. He's just in pain."

    "Right, well we need to get back down to business. That Clear Dragon that killed me, we don't know exactly who sent it. If an Idea, then what Idea? I would ask Sam and the others for help, but they are busy with their own lives. We need to find out, somehow. I say we head back to the Skeleton Graveyard and search for clues."

    "Sounds like a plan, honey" Akra said. The two lesbians got up and headed on a journey back to the Skeleton Graveyard. "But I didn't think you'd want to fight evil?" Akra said.

    "I came to Akliash to get away from it all. But I realized it was cowardly for me to do that, for any of us to do that" Isha said. "Sam and the others inspired me to be a demon fighter as well" she said.

    ~End of Chapter 30~
    n0ki: If it weren't for faggy civilization, people like me and bnd would be totally dead by now.

  31. #31

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    Chapter 31: Would The Real Vero Please Stand Up

    Baby Eldanen teleported himself out of Dark Dolphin's grasp and landed in Sam's lap. Sam felt this and woke up. "Unngh-uh" He saw the baby appear on his lap. Baby Eldanen closed his little eyes and died. He was all wrinkled out and deflated like a flat tire from having his inner organs sucked up.

    "AYE!" In a hurried rush, Sam threw his arms out and revived Baby Eldanen. Whew. He was only dead for about two seconds. He came back good as new. "Oh my fucking god what just happened" Sam said. Sam ran into the kitchen, holding Baby Eldanen tightly.

    He looked at Dolphin standing there in the kitchen, her arms crossed confidently. He looked into her eyes, and realized it wasn't Dolphin. "I should have known" Sam said.

    Dark Dolphin laughed evilly at Sam. "I waited until you were vulnerable to nab the kid. I knew it was only a matter of time before a ****** let his emotions get in the way of his work" she said. "You craving ****** love blinded you to do your job, same with all humans" she said.

    "Baby Eldanen teleported himself to safety. I guess that must sting, a little baby being more powerful than a tramp like you" he said.

    "Oooh I'm Sam, I want compliments and rewards for doing the normal things that everybody else does" Dark Dolphin taunted hatefully. "You were just a pathetic ****** your entire life. You are good at nothing except making up stories and playing video games. And now, you will watch helplessly as I feast on your own child." Dark Dolphin raised her arms to cast Water Jet on baby Eldanen, and the flow of water carried him out of Sam's grasp and back into her own.

    Sam blinked. "N-no." Sam thought fast and cast Triangle on Baby Eldanen right as Dark Dolphin sunk her teeth into him. Dark Dolphin snapped back hatefully as she bit into a hard magical shield instead of the soft baby. She spit out a few loose teeth. Baby Eldanen teleported back safely into Sam's arms. Dark Dolphin then began walking towards Sam. Sam held out his free hand and cast Stop on Dark Dolphin while keeping Eldanen neatly tucked under his other arm. He grabbed a knife from the counter she used for cooking and threw it at her. But he wasn't a melee class so it just kinda...brushed her shoulder and made a benign cut. He hurried to pick the knife up again, to stab her in melee range, but the Stop wore off. She backhanded the knife out of Sam's hand and wrapped her right hand around his throat. But she didn't squeeze, not yet.

    "Last words fag-face?" Dark Dolphin said, realizing she had Sam cornered now.

    "SAM, I'M WIDE OPEN BRO!" he heard a voice call out from behind Dark Dolphin. Steve must have gotten up from his nap. "Yeaaah!" Sam cheered.

    Sam threw baby eldanen to Steve. Steve caught the kid, because straight men actually know how to catch moving projectiles. "Idiot" Steve said.

    "Oh god. I-I fell for it again. Let me guess, you're Dark Steve" Sam said with a sigh.

    Dark Steve just laughed. Dark Dolphin continued to hold on to Sam's throat.

    "Now Baby Eldanen, you gotta teleport us out of here or daddy here dies" Dark Steve said. Eldanen did just that, and Dark Dolphin, Dark Steve and Baby Eldanen vanished out of the kitchen. Sam was about to be teleported with them, but he was pushed back out of the teleportation vortex by Dark Dolphin at the last second.

    "No. I can't fail. NO!" he said. He immediately reached for his cell phone and began dialing Vero's phone number. But, he suddenly fainted and fell down on the kitchen floor instead! The spaghetti sauce Dark Dolphin made him eat had been poisoned.


    Dark Steve and Dark Dolphin were in some sort of underground lair. A dark cavern filled with a bunch of brown rocks. Stalactites and stalagmites both. The real Steve and Dolphin were about forty yards away from them, tied up on the wall in steel chains. There were a few torches scattered in the cave that helped light up the place.

    "Okay, we're safe now. Now let's gleefully eat Baby Eldanen and make them watch" Dark Dolphin said happily.

    "You give in to your base nature too much, just like all women" Dark Steve said. He gently stroked eldanen's hair. For being only about a week old, he was one of those babies that grew hair very fast. "You have to be more tactical. It's much more fun fucking with people. We force the ****** to make a choice. Baby Eldanen, or his friends lives. But he can't have both. Of course, then we just eat all of them and don't hold up our end of the deal" Dark Steve laughed.

    "Well what's stopping the rugrat from teleporting out of here?" Dark Dolphin said.

    "I cast a spell just now. Well more like a counterspell of sorts. Not much of a mage, but- I bound his teleportation powers" Dark Steve said.

    "God we're so evil and dark and nasty, I just love it" Dark Dolphin said.

    Dark Steve nodded. "Too many people are obsessed with the Ideas. But not us. We just want to be evil" he said. "So, I still have my relationships." He pulled Dark Dolphin close to him and french kissed her deeply. "Earth ain't so bad when you can do shit like this" Dark Steve said.

    "Now, let's torture them" Dark Dolphin said. She approached her good twin. "Wakey wakey" she said. She swooped up a rusty nail from the floor and stuck it in Dolphin's cheek and slowly edged it down the inside of her flesh. Dolphin yelled out in pain. Dark Dolphin cast 'Flow' in the inside of Dolphin's throat and she began choking on the water. She then slapped Dolphin's cheek. Dark Dolphin laughed sadistically at Dolphin's pain. She cast 'Flame' on her fingertips and began singing all of Dolphin's eyelashes off.

    Dark Steve went up to real Steve and started to play with his balls. At first softly to tease him, to get him involuntarily hard against his will, but then he grabbed them and yanked on them as hard as he could, almost ripping them off. Steve screamed and started crying. Dark Steve punched Steve in the nose.


    In the middle of the night, Mune got back from work and instantly saw Sam fainted on the floor. "Oh god." He cast Gain on Sam. But he wouldn't budge. He was dead. "No..." Mune ressurected him. Thankfully he got here just in time and the spell worked! The poison from the spaghetti was slow and took awhile to kill Sam, so he only had been dead in his sleep for about five seconds. Mune went up to Sam and gave him a hug. "What happened Sambo?" Sam tried to talk but just air came out. Mune continued to comfort him. "E-easy there buddy, save your strength." He cast Gain on Sam again, and this time, it worked.

    "D-Dark Dolphin, she was here" Sam managed to say as he fully regained consciousness. "And Dark Steve. You weren't there but um they are these pure demons Dolphin accidentally made when she broke the resurrection rules by chilling dead bodies, giving me extra time to revive my friends" he said. "Somehow they took the real Dolphin and Steve and made the switch. They have been living with us in our new place, probably the whole time. Dolphin and Steve are still alive, thank god, I sense them with my powers" Sam said.

    "Oh and Vero. There's Dark Vero as well" Sam remembered. "There's four of them. Dark Steve, Dark Dolphin, Dark Ashton and Dark Vero."

    Vero jiggled her keys in the lock, opened the door and stepped into the kitchen. "Sorry I'm late" she said. "Sorry I'm late" she said.

    "Huh?" Vero said. She turned around, and one other Vero was standing beside her! They were dressed exactly alike, both wore glasses, had on a white sweater and black slacks.

    Sam got back up on his feet again. He looked at Mune.

    "One of them is the real Vero and one of them is a pure demon. Sam, use your Insight power to tell which one" Mune ordered.

    "I c-can't" Sam said. "I guess maybe I don't know Vero as well as I thought I did" he said. "I kinda have just been beginning to know her, with all the shit that has been going down."

    "What do we do" Mune said. "How do we tell them apart!"

    "I'm the real Vero" Vero said. "You should know that Sam."

    "What are you talking about? I am" Vero said. "Sam, kill this skank right now!" she said.

    "Mune, you know Vero better than any of us. Having put your penis inside her vagina. Here, hold my hand. I know it's gay but umm I can maybe channel my insight power with your love for her, and you will be able to tell" he said. Sam grabbed Mune's hand and gave it a lil squeeze.

    "Uhhh, that one. She's the evil one" Mune said, pointing at the Vero on the right. "Do you know for sure?" Sam said. "You don't sound very sure."

    "No! I don't. That idea didn't work!" Mune said. "I still have no clue. They look exactly alike!"

    Sam looked at the two Veros and sighed. "What the fuck do we do" Mune said.

    "She dies" Vero said. She whacked the other Vero with a surge of lightning, so hard that she flew into the fridge.

    "That must be the evil Vero! The good Vero wouldn't strike first, right?" Mune realized that wasn't necessarily true. "Oh shit. This isn't fair man."

    ~End of Chapter 31~
    Last edited by Bullets; 12-18-2009 at 05:59 PM.
    n0ki: If it weren't for faggy civilization, people like me and bnd would be totally dead by now.

  32. #32

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    May 2007
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    Chapter 32: All Tied Up

    "I-I have no time for this" Sam said. He stood inbetween the Veros before an all-out brawl started. "My son has just been kidnapped. We have to teleport to him" He said. "Vero, come on we have to save them." He looked behind at the other Vero. "Both of you."

    Mune, Sam and the Two Veros teleported to the dark lair. Sam looked around, realizing they were in some sort of cave. Sam pointed to the Vero on his left. "She was the one who made the teleport, she must be Dark Vero. How would the real Vero know where this place is located?" Sam said.

    "Unless you used your heart to guide yourself to your own son" Mune said. "Which you probably did, like last time before when we fought Abraham but kinda in reverse."

    "Now that I think about it, maybe the Good Vero made the teleport, she could go to Akliash even though she had never been there before. Unless the bad Vero is tricking us, which um yeah makes sense...." Sam added.

    "The real Vero is....." Dark Steve stepped out from a stalagmite and held up a syringe. He stuck it in Vero's right arm. It was the same formula he used to bind Eldanen's teleportation magic. "......This one. And now you're down both Teleporters. Idiots." Dark Steve said.

    Vero slapped both Sam and Mune's faces. "You ARE idiots. You couldn't tell me apart from a pure demon?" she said.

    Dark Vero just laughed. She looked at Dark Steve. "I dunno boss, are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Dark Steve nodded.

    "You guys are going do-" But Sam was teleported back into his kitchen with Dark Vero's mojo! He looked around. "Huh?"

    "Your teleport spell can work that way" Dark Vero said to Vero. "You would have known that if you practiced your powers more instead of trying to make everybody get along with your stupid canadian ideals. You can't play mommy to the world, you stupid feminist bitch."

    Dark Vero, Dark Steve, and now Dark Dolphin ganged up on Mune and Vero. "And now without Sam, you're outnumbered, which means, we will now be kicking your asses and tying you up and torturing you like the others" Dark Steve said while holding Baby Eldanen.

    "No...." Mune said. He waved his hands and thinking fast, conjured a brick wall in front of himself and Vero. He then grabbed Vero's hand and sprinted off with her in the other direction.

    "Do you know exactly what he used to fuck up your teleportation power?" Mune asked Vero as they ran for their lives. Dark Steve just punched through the brick wall and the three chased after them.

    "No I-" Vero and Mune bumped and fell down, as Dark Vero and Dark Dolphin and Dark Steve had teleported themselves right in front of them.

    "We can't give up. We hold out for as long as we can!" Mune said. "I still have my other powers" Vero said. She looked up above and electrocuted a stalactite, causing it to drop down on the Dark Trio.

    But Dark Dolphin used Water Jet on herself and all her allies and protected them from the attack by three sudden bursts of water that manifested simultaneously. She was farther along than regular Dolphin with that ability, as normal Dolphin could never cast her Water Jet ability on all party members at once.

    Mune thought hard and conjured a small mazda protege to drive into the three demons at 90 miles per hour. The car vanished and it was so much raw power it caused Mune to fell down on one knee. "I'm up" he said. "That's the first vehicle I ever conjured on earth" he said, proud of himself. But he was very weak and almost fainted from that spell.

    Vero kneeled beside Mune and comforted him. "Conserve your strength, Adam" Vero said. "Our powers ARE slightly enhanced in this cave somehow, but so are theirs. And you gotta be careful or we will hurt Eldanen accidentally!" she said.

    "They don't have heals" Mune said. "We m-might be able to win."

    A few hours later,

    Sam heard a voice in his head that was stronger than all the other voices, while he was thinking on what to do to rescue his friends and cause as little causalities as possible. Some sort of Idea was speaking to him in his head, while he stood in the kitchen. It seems like interesting things are unfolding in the world of magic. But you are still needed in the outside world. Sam felt the sun beam down on his face from his bay windows and he looked down at his watch. He couldn't believe it. It was the next day already, and he had to go to work!

    "I can't....this is more important. My son and all my friends are trapped in some lair. I gotta go help them!" He told the voice. No, you have to go to work the Idea said. Sam frowned. "They'll all die. I c-can't just--" But Sam realized the Idea was right, and there wasn't really anything he could do now. Sam sighed and went into his room to change into his Mcdonald's uniform.

    "What Idea are you. Are you the own Idea of me, or are you something else!" Sam called out. "Is this some sort of trick!" he said. But he got nothing. Just the urge that he needed to put one leg in his pants after the other, go brush his teeth, and then take the bus to Mcdonald's.

    "There might be bigger problems if I miss a day of work, especially this soon" Sam said with a sigh. "But I can't let them die. God....this is horrible."


    Mune and Vero have been fighting the Darks for hours now. They were both very tired and looked worn down and beat down. Their clothes were tattered and ripped all over their bodies.

    "They're more powerful than us" Mune said. He twirled to his side and dodged a particularly large wave of lightning emanating from Dark Vero.

    "Yeah b-but they aren't as smart. They haven't been around as long as us, right?" Vero said. "They were made about a month ago when we were at Starr. They look as old as us but they are technically like, a month old." She returned a lightning bolt to the other side of them.

    Mune has learned the ability 'Counterspell!' Dark Vero conjured a lightning ball in her hands, but Mune flicked his hands and canceled the spell.

    Vero has learned the abilty 'Dual Shock' a lightning spell that hits two targets at once! Vero used Dual Shock on Dark Dolphin and Dark Vero, focusing so much energy that she caused the bitches to fly backwards, hit their heads on stalactites and pass out.

    "Sweet new powers!" Mune said.

    Dark Steve charged in melee range and began beating up on Mune. Like the straight kid on the playground who uses his natural raw straight male powers to bully and demean others instead to protect and uplift them like Good Steve does. Mune just kept healing himself. Vero kept flicking her hands, casting lightning bolt after lightning bolt on Dark Steve. Finally he had so much electricity in his body that he just......exploded.

    Dark Dolphin and Dark Vero regained consciousness and glared at Vero and Mune. Dark Dolphin saw Dark Steve's eyeball just lying there on the floor all gooy and bloody and veiny and dead.

    Vero stared down at her evil twin. "I'll shove my canadian ideals all the way up your....." Vero's vision blurred and she fainted. She was already weak, and she put a lot of stock on that Dual Cast spell and everything just caught up with her. Mune looked up. "Oh crap." Dark Vero and Dark Dolphin went up to Mune and kissed him like Betty and Veronica kisses Archie, they then stuck their fingers deep in his ear canals. He cried out in pain. "Can't heal....out of MP....must re-" He fainted down next to Vero.

    Dark Dolphin spat in Vero's hair. "You killed my boyfriend, you stupid slut, you know you're gonna pay for that...." Dark Dolphin grabbed Vero by the hair and Dark Vero grabbed Mune by the hair and the two Dark Sistas dragged them down and tied them up next to Dolphin and Steve, who were barely conscious.

    "Oh....crap" Steve said.

    "Hey" Dolphin said.

    "Don't think they can hear you...." Steve said. "Wait a minute. Where's Sam?"

    Dark Dolphin cuddled Baby Eldanen in her chest. "This baby right here is very precious, we use him for leverage. Just think of all the things we can make Sam do."

    Dark Vero raised a brow. "(Dark) Steve really changed you, I thought you just wanted to snack on an innocent baby. Cause he's good and you're evil. You were always so base, simplistic. So animalistic."

    "But what about the long haul?" Dolphin said. "Another hero would just come down via the Ideas, if not in this time....then eventually. No, the way you destroy somebody is to get them to suffer and self-destruct. Make them forget about all the joys they already have in their lives. Besides it's much more sinister to let Baby Eladnen grow up and guide him to become evil, and then watch him summon an Idea to end everything."

    Dark Vero nodded. "Very well then. I'll give Sam the first ultimatum." She teleported out of the lair.

    Dark Dolphin smiled at Mune, Vero, Dolphin and Steve all being tied up. She cracked her knuckles. "Now to have some fun."

    ~End of Chapter 32~
    Last edited by Bullets; 01-01-2010 at 12:25 PM.
    n0ki: If it weren't for faggy civilization, people like me and bnd would be totally dead by now.

  33. #33

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    Chapter 33: Just Scry Me

    My friends are in trouble, Sam thought while flipping a hamburger in his gay, socially awkward PLEASE GOD SAVE ME, AN ENFP SAID THEY WANTED ME TO WORK HERE IN REAL LIFE AND LOOK WHAT AM I DOING, I FEEL SO INSECURE mcdonald's outfit. But it's bigger than that. Not only are they suffering emotionally, their inner private lives - But their outside life as well, the one they have to keep mending everyday if they want Eldanen to save the world. Steve and Dolphin work in the mornings but they're not at their jobs cause of well....subjective magic trouble.

    There must be a way for me to make it all better, Sam thought. He looked over at a co-worker, some dude with shaggy hair and a lot of acne.

    "Hey Lenny you think you can cover for me?" Sam asked.

    "Nice try sex offender, but people told me about you- how much of a slacker you are, and I'm not gonna let you do it." He looked at Sam in that kind of real world way, the kind of condescending looks they give all magical introverts who are destined to save the world. The looks people give others cause they think they are better than everybody just cause they have a job and are 'realistic.' "What is your deal man? I have a driver's license unlike you, and I'm 9 years younger! I already am finished with my bachelor's degree cause of an advanced program I got into at high school and I already have a long-term healthy realtionship unlike you and I" - Lenny just blabbered on and on about his external successes that bored Sam to tears.

    Sam sighed. "I tried to be nice...." he whispered. He raised his hands as if he was gonna choke Lenny but instead cast Stop on Lenny. Not just Lenny, but he froze the entire mcdonald's scene. He then rushed out of there and caught the next bus to tj maxx.

    Sam approached Dolphin's boss, some big obese lady with frazzled red hair that looked like she smoked too much. "Yeah uh- about Dolphin. And why she's not at work. Her um. Mom. Has cancer." Sam said. Real smooth fag, Sam thought. "So that's why she's not in today." Man, I SUCK at social skills when I have no emotional connection with the person!

    "She couldn't call and tell me this herself?" boss lady said. "Where is she really? Don't think I don't know about you- you were all on TV!" she said. "And shouldn't YOU be at Mcdonald's?"

    "Yeah um well uh I uh. I'm on my lunch break. H-honestly, ma'am."

    Dolphin's boss just smiled condescendingly. "I think I have a phone call or two to make."

    Sam raised his hands to cast a spell but he lowered them- knowing there wasn't much he could do and magic would only make things worse now.

    He went to the dollar store Steve worked at, tried the same thing with Steve's mexican boss who spoke too much damn mexican and - failed. He hitched another bus and went back to Mcdonald's. Luckily the stop spell still hold, but it wore off as soon as Sam got back. He just fake-smiled at Lenny and flipped more white trash hamburgers that people don't need. God why did people in the real world look so drab and shitty and smelly and scruffy.

    After work Sam thought to himself on the bus. You know that kind of dreamy tired way you do after a long day of doing something hard that you don't want to do but when it's all over you just kinda....daydream and idealize and think a lot, cause you feel that you earned it. Okay I gotta work on saving my friends' lives. I'm so SHITTY with real world stuff. But I've always been good with magic. Let's see, Baby Eldanen isn't dead, I can sense that with my intuition. But why doesn't he just teleport himself and the others out of the cave? That means of course, somebody bound his teleportation powers like they did Vero's. Yeah, Dark Steve told me as much. If they can't teleport that means it's some sort of debuff, right? And I have an ability that can cure debuffs. So all I gotta do is find some way to.... lock on Eldanen and Vero's essence, and then find some way to 'carry' my Dispel Disorder ability to reach them underground. Whew... Sam thought, letting his consciousness run wild.

    A man in the bus wearing a long brown coat suddenly got up and turned around and looked down at Sam like he was just better than him. "You are too much in the future, you need to be in The Now" he said. Sam's heart raced in fear. This dude could literally read Sam's mind! That wasn't natural. Yep, this was a Pure Demon.

    Sam squinted, realizing who he was talking to. Oh god. It was Eckhart Tolle. Sam stood up, got on his heroic face and stared at Eckhart right in the eyes. "You just made that crap up to sell books so you can sucker people for their money and live a spoiled, high life for yourself" Sam said. "Thinking in the future SAVES REAL LIVES, but you just want money and to sap people of their own strength" Sam said. "I WRITE HOW TO EMPOWER PEOPLE FOR FREE BECAUSE I REALLY CARE, YOU NARCISSISTIC FUCKTARD!" Sam was angry and he didn't care who heard him now. But the people on the bus just figured Sam was another drug addicted lunatic.

    Eckhart Tolle just grinned at Sam's raw honesty. "And I'll always get away with it, you dumb ******. They'll always believe me over you cause people are so externally focused they think a little bit of fake internal messages are 'deep' and 'spiritual', but it's really just another illusion and distraction to sucker up more and more goods for myself." Eckhart Tolle laughed. "And I will laugh at you as all your friends die. Well time to go to another self-empowerment workshop" he said. Eckhart smoothly walked off the bus and strutted down the street.

    Sam shook his head. "I will NOT let that man become one with his Idea like Esther did" he said. "But first.... a few calls to make."

    "Hey Sam, this is Akra." .......... "N-No. I can't carry your dispel disorder ability with my singing, musical vibrations don't travel far enough....sorry." *click.*

    "Hey Sam this is Sean," .......... "Uh what? No uhhh I can't use my ass muscles to make your dispel disorder reach an underground cave and cure your magical gay baby from his debuff so your friends can escape and be saved from their evil twins. WHAT THE FUCK?" *click.*

    "Hey truck!" ... "Yeah, this is numbers." .........." Uh- I'm not sure my gadget powers work like that *insert pointless commentary about Sam's sexual orientation here* uhhhh....." *click*

    Sam tried to call all the 16type members, everybody he could think of but they all said they couldn't help, and well he didn't even have the phone number to everybody anyway. Exhaused and with a huge developing headache, Sam laid down on his couch and took a nap. He just wanted to escape.


    About an hour later, Sam heard his cell phone ring. He sat up on the couch and answered it. "Uh... Sam. Hey. It's Gul. I lied. I think I can help you. I don't know but I have this ability. Called Wind Tunnel. It's just like this fast gust of wind that comes out of my hands. I never knew what it does, it seemed like one of those useless abilities but um....I'll be over as soon as possible."

    *ding dong* Gul arrived at Sam's doorstep in about fifteen minutes. "I'm sorry about Isha" Sam said immediately.

    Gulanzon entered Sam's home and looked around at his new place. "She's back now. But she's...." Gulanzon blinked. "I don't want to get into it now. Let's just do this okay?" Gulanzon conjured a quick blur of wind in front of Sam. "I never knew what this spell was supposed to do but you helped me figured it out. We can try to use it to carry your dispel disorder ability to your friends, all while staying safe inside your house."

    "Great. N-now I just have to lock their essences. I know where they are from before, in general at least. But umm....I can't just. It's like, I'm not technical enough or something" Sam said. "Even with your help I can't.....just lock onto them. Like a weak lazy fag knowing what he wants in life but he's too dreamy and hazy to sense the raw, physical direction."

    Gulanzon sighed. "Great...."

    Sam's eyes lit up. "But oh oh. We can scry for baby eldanen, you know. And that will pinpoint us to his auric signature, which will create a sort of magical highway for my spell to travel on."

    "Okay well, so get the scrying crystals and one of lil Eldanen's diapers and-" Gulanzon blinked. "YOU HAVE A SON NOW?"

    Sam didn't want to talk about Eldanen now because he knew Gulanzon would just ask a million annoying questions like he always does. "Well um, only problem is- my class can't scry. But the Witch class can! Maria! Yes. Me, you and Maria- we'll be able to do this." Sam called up Maria and she came right over. Maria could teleport (self-only like Rogues, see Pink in chapter 5 for continuity) so she was over there in a flash.

    Maria scryed for Vero and Eldanen's location using a map of Orlando, Florida laid out on the kitchen table. Using a cut piece of one of Vero's bras and a cut piece of one of Eldanen's diapers glued to a cyrstal which was tied to a string, Maria concentrated and hovered the crystal over the map until it buzzed and landed itself on the exact location Vero and the others were held captive.

    Sure the diaper and bra were kind of gross but it was what Sam and Gulanzon thought up of on the fly. And besides the 'base' nature of the garments gave them a better signal on their root chakras, the strongest one- which helped Maria get their magical signatures faster. The scrying crystal glowed. "We can use the crystal as a catalyst of sorts, a portal for all this to work" Maria said. "The magical signature is there...just focus your spells toward the crystal."

    Sam's eyes closed. He could really feel them now. Sam prepared the dispel disorder ability, a greenish yellow curaga-ish light rose up from his hands.

    Gulanzon's turn. He cast Wind Tunnel on the yellow/green mojo from Sam. The green ball of energy went through the scrying crystal and down to the lights lit up on the map.

    A few seconds later, Vero, Steve, Mune, Dolphin and Baby Eldanen all teleported back into Sam's kitchen. But they were badly bruised and gasped for breath. Steve's lips had even been sewn shit from some kind of torture that Dark Dolphin did to him. Gulanzon and Sam healed them all to full health. It took a bit of time but with enough healing spells they were all okay.

    They all hugged each other. Sam, Steve, Dolphin, Vero, Mune, even Maria and Gulanzon. Steve gave back Baby Eldanen for Sam to hold.

    "We'll talk more about how in the hell we let this happen, but Vero. Mune. Work." Sam said, making a shoo-ing gesture with his hands.

    Dark Vero suddenly appeared in the kitchen. She gasped in fright as she saw all the heroes standing there, because she thought it was going to be just Sam.

    "I was busy doing some other shit before I decided to come here but you -- How did you -- Oh, fuck." Dark Vero sighed in defeat, knowing what was gonna happen to her.

    Vero smiled, and she and the heroes stood around Sam, protecting him - and used a combination of all their offensive magic that they directed towards Dark Vero. A lightning bolt from Vero, a gush of water from Dolphin, a conjured flying boulder from Mune, a gust of wind from Gulanzon and finally a fireball from Maria. Lightning, water, earth, wind and fire baby. Dark Vero yelled in agony and exploded in bits just like Dark Steve did. Steve and Sam just watched with satisfied smiles on their faces.

    ~A few minutes earlier~

    Dark Dolphin frowned and crossed her arms all pissed off and evil-like, and stared sociopathically in the direction of the wall the heroes teleported themselves out of after being cured of their teleportation debuff.

    "This is not over" Dark Dolphin said.

    ~End of Chapter 33~
    Last edited by Bullets; 01-05-2010 at 12:38 PM.
    n0ki: If it weren't for faggy civilization, people like me and bnd would be totally dead by now.

  34. #34

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    Chapter 34: Social Workers Have No Soul

    It was a Saturday. The fabulous five has survived the first week in their new place. Tired but still hanging in there, they all sat in the living room and caught up on shop about what went down.

    "So....both Dark Steve and Dark Vero have been blown up. Which we might think 'Yay us.' Well it is, but Dark Ashton and Dark Dolphin are still in the mix. And we have a new Big Bad in town. Eckhart Tolle. He taunted me on my bus ride home yesterday" Sam told the gang.

    "Oh you mean that guy that writes those self-help books about being in the now which doesn't exist and he's just scamming people for their hard-earned money?" Dolphin said.

    "Yeah" Sam said. "There's nothing wrong with making money but it has to be something that actually helps people and something that people can actually use, damnit" Sam said. "He just psychologically manipulates people so he can get richer off of them, just like Esther Hicks. Why people think that's 'help' is beyond me."

    "Well the last thing we need is the outside world thinking we work for the communists" Steve said.

    "I'm not sure 'get a useless career to buy plastic junk shit you don't need' type of society is any better" Sam said. "If we want to surprise the enemy, we have to surprise ourselves. We have to ....I don't know. Find some way to push against our middle class roots and take the fight to the top."

    "There you go. Thinking too ideal and big again. We just have to protect baby Eldanen. Which we are doing" Steve said determined and straight man like.

    "I'm worried about that. He just....teleported when Dark Steve told him to. As a little baby he's already susceptible to the forces of darkness" Sam said.

    Vero nodded, looking at Sam with empathy in her eyes. "It makes sense. The bad guys don't want to kill Baby Eldanen. They want to persuade him to turn evil so when he grows up he'll summon an Idea that destroys the world" Vero said.

    "Which means, my grand idea isn't too grand. If we can kill all the pure demons, then there will be nothing to persuade Baby Eldanen to turn evil" Sam said.

    "Uh, that's not entirely true Sambo. The Ideas, remember? They can speak to us whenever they want, in our heads in the form of thoughts" Mune said.

    "Y-yeah. An Idea itself told me to go to work first instead of helping you guys escape. I don't know if it was bad or good, but I felt I should listen to it a-and I'm sorry, but that's why it took me a little while to rescue you guys" Sam said.

    "It's okay" Dolphin said. "And well, as for how Dark Dolphin kidnapped me in the first place. Remember like the first day we got our own place, we did the Leslie Sansone work out vids together, Sam? (Leslie Sansone, Celebrity Half-Demon hybrid that's on the side of good like Sam is because she makes money off of things that REALISTICALLY AND PHYSICALLY HELP people that isn't just narcissistic mumbo jumbo)

    Flashback about a week ago, Sam and Dolphin are working out together in the living room. They are doing Leslie's infamous side-steps. Out together, out together, out together, out together. Sam is too focused on the workout though, that he didn't even notice Dark Dolphin approach Normal Dolphin and cat-fight her for about five minutes. You know with a lot of girly roundhouse kicks and handstand kicks and twirling backhand punches all fancy like, like those women power shows you watched in the 90s when you were fourteen. Eventually Dark Dolphin won and dragged Dolphin's body out in a black body bag. Then she replaced herself with Dolphin. Smiling evilly and raising her hands up a lot, mimicking Leslie in the video.

    "I'm sorry, I got way too excited, and too dreamy neon fag like, cause we were exercising together, which is something that we ALWAYS wanted to do together, that I couldn't pay attention to physical, objective reality!" Sam said.

    "It's okay, I forgive you" Dolphin smiled. "You're a pure introvert so it's hard to wake up to that stuff, I know. And you WERE paying attention to reality, just the tv...."

    Steve cleared his throat. "And well I was playing football with Mune outside, because we're both straight guys and we like to just throw a ball around unlike talking about your feelings like all of you" Steve said. Steve looked directly at Mune. "When I threw the ball really far for you to catch, Dark Steve tackled me and umm well made the switch like that. When you turned around, you didn't really know better. I was knocked out unconscious in the bushes, and somebody, probably Dark Dolphin- dragged me out into this white van and well, drove me and Dolphin to the underground cave."

    "Okay, so what we all learned from this is that we need to be more observant. Constantly." Sam said. "Miley Cyrus couldn't be the only thing that absorbed our social imprint. The bad guys, they know what's really important to us. And they're going to use that to take advantage any chance they get."

    The Fabulous Five all gave a 'Power Ranger's' nod. Right!

    "What do those two circumstances have in common? Doing workout videos and throwing a ball around the yard? They're both recreational activities. Downtime, as the Starr people called it. They waited to take advantage when we were having fun in our spare time, doing things we all like to do. Maybe we have to sacrifice having fun?" Vero said.

    Sam frowned. "That's... a good point Vero, but it might too extreme. We can still have fun, just...let's just, all pay attention right?"

    Suddenly, with that, the door bell rang. Sam hurried up and answered the door. The rest of the gang stood behind Sam and just watched. A chubby, sort of petite- but very intimidating looking woman could be seen in a bitchy business suit. She was in her 40s. Behind her was a tough looking black guy that looked like Mr. Wear, but wasn't him. "Hi I'm Angela. I work for the department of Social Services" she said. "Why was Dolphin and Steve not at work yesterday?" Angela said in that accusatory tone like 'When was the last time you beat your child' sort of bitchy government tone. Ugh.

    Sam just kind of grimaced. He saw the non-empathy look in her eyes, like Renee Hunt from Starr, and then looked at the black guy. What is with bitchy women having black sidekicks around all the time? Sam thought. "Does he really have to be here?" Sam said.

    "Yes he most certainly does Mr. Leonard" the woman said. UGH. No, she did not just say 'Mr. Leonard.' Sam grimaced at her and pretended to smile. "Well uh I uh well I uh..." he couldn't think of a good excuse.

    Dolphin stepped up. She knew what she had to do, what horrible lies she had to tell. "I was tempted, I wanted to shove fisher price toys up 3-year-old boy's assholes, you know, cause we're all sex offenders like Sam is. And well, I had to stay home cause I didn't want to put anybody in society at risk, ma'am."

    "Uh, yeah, same here!" Steve said with a blink.

    Angela just stood there, as if thinking for a second. "Well that makes sense. But this can't go unpunished. You are all walking a really thin line, being allowed your own place like this. I know you all already know that" she said. She bitchily looked around the apartment to see if she could nab the heroes with anything. She looked at Sam in the eyes, obviously trying to intimidate him. "I'm not like your little sissy therapist friends. I'm here to see that scum like you gets put down" she looked at Sam hatefully like she wanted his dick to fall off. Bitch. Cunts like her could never see beneath the surface, could never see anything beyond what job or title somebody had in life, could only see the external successes the bad guys use to cover up all the horrible shit they do to other people.

    "I already go to sex offender meeting's every week, I haven't missed those classes ma'am" Dolphin said.

    Angela nodded, continuing to look authoritative. "I will be watching this place very closely" She turned around and acted as if she was about to leave, but then she looked at the black guy. "Send the team in here. Install a camera in every room of the house." She looked back at Sam like 'Ha, Gotcha!'

    "You can't do that!" Sam said. Mune gave Sam a look like 'watch it, bro"

    "I can and I will" she said. "And to make up for your absences, you two also need to attend double-shifts for one week" Angela looked at Steve and Dolphin and just glared at them for a few seconds.

    Sam looked at the others as if to say 'Oh shit, the baby.' About four black guys marched in Sam's apartment with equipment to install cameras.

    This is not happening, Sam thought. Fuck life, just fuck it.

    ~End of Chapter 34~
    Last edited by Bullets; 01-21-2010 at 03:35 PM.
    n0ki: If it weren't for faggy civilization, people like me and bnd would be totally dead by now.

  35. #35

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    Chapter 35: A True Self Tale

    Sam cast Stop and froze Angela and the black guys. "We can't let them do this" Sam said.

    "Not like we have a choice" Dolphin said. "Sam, just unfreeze them."

    "No, I. I have to go on another inward journey and do nothing but look deep within myself. It's the only thing I really know how to do."

    "That's just stasis! You have to reach out" Vero demanded. "You can't retreat in your shell, look what's happening!"

    "You don't even really know me!" Sam said. "I just pretend that you're my close friend because I'm lonely and you mean well, but you really haven't a clue, Vero. You just don't. Get away from me!" Suddenly, Sam's hands glowed red and Vero took a step back.

    "I'm sorry, I-" She looked at Mune and frowned.

    Suddenly, Sam teleported out of the house.

    "His son musta did that" Steve said. "From all the way in his room, his powers must be growing." He looked around at the stopped guards. "What do we do?"

    "I-I don't know" Dolphin said. "Let's just wait till Sam gets back."

    Sam had materialized inside the mansion of Larry Kramer, famous half-demon gay activist, author of the books ******s and Tragedy of Today's Gays. Larry Kramer was naturally Sam's role model. "THEE legendary Larry Kramer?" Sam said with a blink at a figure sitting in a large leather chair about forty yards away. "I need help, I guess. I guess that's why I'm here" Sam called out. "My son must have teleported me here. But he's with those thugs that are gonna take away our privacy and- there must be some way you can help."

    Larry Kramer turned around and looked at Sam all wise old man-like. He was wearing gray pants and a brown artsy sweater that looked very gay man ish. He slowly walked closer until he was near Sam. "Look deeper Sam. You say you're a Shaman, that you want to heal - but do you really? Does the world in any way feel helped and uplifted and supported by you? Think about it."

    "No, most people don't like me at all to tell you the truth. I just really don't care. I want to care but it's like I'm too selfish and self-involved to be a healer. I wish I were different, but I only care about somebody if they care about me" Sam sighed. "And I was kinda fucked over by priest classes my whole life, you know?"

    Larry tapped his fingers the way old people do. "And your Melee powers?"

    "Another lie. There's nothing to unlock, really. No matter how physically strong I get it's like, I'm always sort of disconnected from my physical body, like it matters only what I think about my body, not the body energy itself, blah. It's like I'm not naturally mapped, aligned and calibrated with physical reality the way straight male tanks are. Or straight rogues." Sam blinked. "Can gay men be rogues too?"

    "You don't know who you really are yet" Larry Kramer said. "No wonder your life's a mess."

    "I want to see things burn. I want to kick ass. I want to show other gay men that a gay man can be strong, in his own way. That's what I really always wanted" Sam said with a gleam in his eye.

    "So you're not a healer, definitely not a tank. There's nothing hybrid about you. You, my friend, are a pure mage. Sorcerer. Wizard. Whatever you want to call it, I guess."

    Sam blinked. "All this time, I got my class wrong? For 35 fucking chapters?"

    "Yes your class, which is based on your True Inner World, didn't really make any sense. It was all egoic projection. Your feelings, your neon gay internal subjective impressions, they also need to be based on *objective reality*, based on a psychological core. Like it or not you wield destructive magicks."

    "But I look so shaman-y like in the face!" Sam demanded. "That has to be my real identity. A-and what about the images we saw in Sigma's place?"

    "It's who you thought you are, yes" Larry Kramer said. "But it's not who you REALLY are."

    "When I told that woman I was gay in real life a few months ago, it was like she was afraid of me. You said that before too...and I didn't want to be that way. I didn't want to be the strong one. I knew I could never lead, something about that was too...physically draining, and well I always sucked at sports and melee-ish things. But in the back of my mind, I guess- I knew this was true. That I'm a damage dealer caster. Not a healer or hybrid. But I'm so cute, it's just ARGH. I want to support. But it's like I only get anywhere when I just mow down things with spells."

    "You're just as needed as the tank and healer" Larry Kramer said.

    "Yeah but I thought I was....all righteous or something. With a destiny and all that. But I'm just.... Sammy." Yet something about this mage thing felt so real and raw, like peanut butter going down your throat in the middle of the night. On a weekend. Something about it was so like, not ideal or hazy or wishy-washy. It was just him. The real him. No frosting of bliss no grand ideal glaze. Just Sammy, with all the funky smells you can't hate or love. Who he really was, not who he wanted or pretended or wished or thought he was.

    "I thought I was a warlock once when I was a depressed angsty teen, but I'm just pure Mage. Sorcerer. Like Dolphin? Not a Water mage, though. Fire Mage? A gay flamer a fire mage. I don't know."

    "One of your eyes is multi-colored. For real. (author's note: It really totally is) It's like you are the Mary Sue in comic books everybody hates" Larry Kramer said. "You are, a Rainbow Mage."

    "So it's shaman-esque but not really exactly....." Sam said.

    "It's a rare class indeed. But you've always been special" Larry said with a wink.

    "Stop it. Ugh. That is so ....adolescentile self-serving. I... There has to be other Rainbow Mages. But I can't worry about that now. helped a lot. I feel all encouraged and proud to be in your presence-ish. But as a half-demon, like we both are, I know a big part of that is because you have a need to be needed. I don't care much, though. Because you did help."

    Sam flamed out of Larry Kramer's place. He could teleport himself now. He mouthed the words 'thank you' before the last of his face warped out in flames.

    When Sam got back to his crub, he cancelled the Stop. "Your men aren't going to install cameras in my house, Angela."

    Angela tried to say something, but no sound came out. Sam had stolen the words from her mouth and crushed them in his hands with pure yellow magic.

    Sam continued to speechify. "I used to think it was wrong to kill humans. That there was some sort of base empathy that connects us all. But no. That's just BS, that's just something Jews tell people so they can get richer and we can get weaker. I think it's wrong to kill you just because a Buffy episode told me to? What am I, 12? Joss Whedon doesn't really care about me, he just cares about himself. What does Sammy want, did anybody ever wonder about that?"

    Angela pulled a gun from her pocket, but Sam turned it into a black raven.

    "Uh, Sambo?" Mune said. "What are you doing...." He was clearly fucking up their lives!

    "I have pure gay magic flowing in my veins. It's real, it's who I really am. I mean IN REAL LIFE FOR REAL ONE OF MY EYES IS MULTI-COLORED. I'm a Mage you guys. Not a Shaman. But I just had another realization. I know what being special means, what it really means." Sam said. He suddenly flicked his hands and burned Angela and all the black guards down in piles of ashes.

    Dolphin's jaw dropped at Sam actually murdering real human beings.

    "That in order to save the world, I'm going to have to die."


    Because Sam killed human beings, a portal appeared. Something stepped out of the swirly magical vortex. Some place in the Sahara desert. Dark Sam looked down at the bones of Miley Cyrus. He was mostly naked, but wore tattered black tribal cloths that covered up his naughty parts. He also held a staff in his right hand, with a rat's skull for the tip.

    "Good Sam is a Rainbow Mage, but guess what I am?" Dark Sam waved his staff and Miley Cyrus was brought back to life. He looked at her with a satisfied smirk. "Necromancer."

    ~End of Chapter 35~
    Last edited by Bullets; 01-30-2010 at 06:23 AM.
    n0ki: If it weren't for faggy civilization, people like me and bnd would be totally dead by now.

  36. #36

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    Chapter 36: The Bow Is Better Left Untied

    Isha and Akra arrived at the Skeleton Graveyard. They had purposefully took the slow way here because they wanted to build their romantic relationship. Isha breathed the heavy air. It was noon out, but it was one of those gloomy noons, you know like on those sundays when you‘re not quite sure why you‘re here or what you‘re doing today. “This is it, this is where I died” she said solemnly.

    “Isha, I’m not sure I understand how you’re back. Like, it doesn’t seem…..realistic enough, or something” Akra said as they searched the skeleton graveyard for clues.

    “Well it’s like this. Think of your real life. Your really real life. Have you ever met somebody that reminded you exactly of somebody else, even if that other somebody was dead?” she said.

    “No, not really” Akra said. “But I can see how in theory that might be true.” She overturned a rock and looked under it.

    “It’s the same concept. I could go by different names. A name is just a label. But Sam is a purist. He knows people by their core identities. Somewhere less dramatic, less neon, more subdued and ‘realistic’, I probably go by another name. Though as long as there is the Idea of me, I’m in tact. Magic is but a metaphor.”

    “Yeah I think I get it. It’s like you know, Roger Rabbit and his friends, as long as people laugh at them they will always exist. Ideas are like that, as long as we think of you, you are bound to exist in one form or another.”

    “Yes. Relationships with others allows you to be remembered and thus give signals to your own idea to manifest more creations of you. Or, you could live forever by striking fear in people. It unfortunately goes both ways.”

    “This form of me is a lesbian, out here with you. There’s other ’mes’ out there, doing god knows what. All varied in their personalities, shaped by their unique circumstances. Yet they are all me, all children of my own grand Idea.”

    “It never really ends, does it. A part of me just wanted closure. Of everything. I would feel safe that way.” Akra put her head down. “Whoa this conversation is pretty deep and insightful. We really are dykes!” she quipped.

    “I want to wrap things up in pretty bows too. Just have a finale. Where all can be finished. But nothing works that way and I guess if it did there’d be no fun. But that itself is yet another bow, another wrap up. Let’s not forget why we’re here. Have you found anything?”

    Akra shrugged. “You’re the one that died. You tell me.”

    “God is in the details. Or is it the devil is in the details.” Isha scratched her head. “I’m rather flighty when it comes to my physical environment. I just like to say wise lesbian-ish things all day.”

    “Well it was a nice IDEA- okay, Sam is going to beat this IDEA thing in our heads forever and ever isn’t he? Yes, it was a nice idea to help Sam, by coming here. But I’m not sure what we’re looking for" Akra said.

    “Wait. A thought. If everybody forgot somebody, they wouldn’t exist in corporeal form, because reality is based on the co-creation of our perceptions" Akra said.

    “Well, yeah. I suppose so. Yes. Like I just thought of obese people painted blue twirling upside down on pancakes swirling in a desert. Now it can come true….but before that, I highly doubt anybody had that specific thought before" Isha said.

    “But the Idea could still be there, even before the Idea decided to transmit itself to you. And so reality will match that, eventually. So we’re further away from the Ideas than we thought, we always are….they‘ll always be a gazillion steps ahead" Akra said.

    “Ideas are infinite….we are infinite" Isha said.

    “Ideas can die. They have to, right? Otherwise reality would be like this really chaotic crazy thing with nothing to hold on to. Ever."

    Isha gulped. “Honey. True Reality is already like that.” Isha took Akra’s hands and she flew up to the sky with her, high enough to still be able to see things, but from a far enough view to see shit more objectively. To the left was a human civilization, boxed in and neat, a routine. The part of Mune forest that still had inhabitants. But look, - a completely wild area to the right. It just had colors running and bleeding together with no rhyme or reason.”

    They flew back down to the Skeleton Graveyard.

    “So, the Clear Dragon attack wasn’t planned?” Akra asked.

    “Oh, it was. Like Gulanzon said, Clear Dragons aren’t *naturally* native to Akliash and so thus somebody had to send it. And well our philosophical discussion helped narrow it down by a lot. Whomever sent the Clear Dragon clearly had to be human.”

    Akra blinked. “Regular human? Not a pure demon. Not a half-demon, even?”

    “Don’t know. Half-demon perhaps, I don’t know if a regular human can summon a Clear Dragon but it‘s not unlikely, it’s not like they are hard to summon. You don’t even really need to be a summoner class or have any traditional powers.”

    Suddenly, Isha and Akra stopped talking and they hypnotically started to walk out of the graveyard.

    From far away back on earth, Hitta was in his trailer in Louisiana again, on the computer wanking off to “Mmmm lesbians come to big papa, I’ll change you” he said with a cheeto-stained dick.
    n0ki: If it weren't for faggy civilization, people like me and bnd would be totally dead by now.

  37. #37

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    Chapter 37: Bad Boys

    Gilly and Nick were playing DND in Gilly's mother's basement. Cliché, but authentic.

    “I wish I was like, a damage class like you” Gilly told Nick as he rolled some dice on the board. “I hate being a faggy encourager type.”

    “You know about the Ideas. I could kill you. Then you’d come back as something else. Possibly.”

    Gilly felt too pretty to feel a knife in his chest. “Uh, no thanks” he said. “But hmm, I dunno. You think that will work?”

    “Come on man don’t be a pussy” Nick said. “Dying isn’t so bad.”

    “So how long until I'd come back?"

    “Depends on how connected you are to your own idea. Of you. It’s kind of…..heavy and hard to explain, but I guess, the more you understand the big picture you know. Your place in the world.”

    Gilly blinked. “I’m just a loveable mama’s boy that has good leadership abilities. I know who I am, damnit. Now stab me.” He ripped open his shirt to reveal his good-looking narcissistic body.

    Nick took out his daggers from his pockets and stabbed Gilly. A few minutes later, Gilly came right back to where he was sitting. Naked. Nick tried to laugh away the nervous tension both boys shared.

    “Come on man it’s not like you never seen me naked before” Gilly said. He took a moment to look down at his old, dead body with all the stab wounds. He smiled. "That is so cool" Gilly said.

    “Ew. No. Yeah, see- you idolize me too much. It’s disturbing. Well catch you later. I need to go out. It’s late at night, so I need to go sit on park benches and have a smoke and be myself cause I’m an introvert who likes Nietzsche. Bye" Nick said.

    “Wait, don’t you want to know what class I am now" Gilly said as he finished putting on his pants that he got from his dresser. He then tried to cast a buff spell on Nick, but he was unable to. “YES, NO MORE GAY ASS SUPPORTIVE SPELLS, WOOHOO!” He waved his hands again, and an anvil crashed down through the ceiling and squashed Nick.

    “Did I do that?” Gilly said, channeling Urkel. A few minutes later, Nick came back.

    “Still a rogue?” Gilly asked.

    Nick nodded. “Yeah.” He was too….static and stoic and IP victim-like to change his class much. “I guess you’re some sort of Jester class though” Nick said. “It sort of fits. You are a clown.”

    “Come on. Let’s go have some fun with my new powers. We’ll go to a bar and fuck with people " Gilly said.

    Nick suddenly looked deep in Gilly’s eyes. And french kissed him. (Yes, Nick is naked here)

    Gilly pulled back. “Whoa man. Not gay, just narcissistic. Remember?”

    Of course, Nick was totally in love with the Joker from Batman, and since Gilly was now a Jester, he was as close to his ideal soul mate as anything.

    “I just get so lonely spending all my time alone smoking on park benches and thinking about Nietzsche. I-I just need to be impulsive. I want to have sex. And you’re really appealing to me right now."

    “But we’re not gay.”

    “Who cares. And don’t give me one of Sam and Akra’s sexuality-is-like-ice cream speeches again. Yuck.” Nick pulled Gilly closer to his chest and homoeroticly blew smoke on his face.

    JUJU walked in and saw this whole thing. He had on tattered clothes and damp hair and looked all weak and victimy. “Hot. And also: BLACKMAIL. I’M TOTALLY GOING TO USE THIS TO GET BACK AT YOU GUYS FOR BEING SUCH PRICKS TO ME!” Juju said while snapping a picture of the boys with his cell phone. A beat. “Hey, can I join in on the mansex?”

    Nick sociopathically laughed at Justin. “No. You’d actually fall in love or something. Non-Nietzsche like love, which is innately inferior. You’re too weak.”

    “But you don’t understand. If I don’t make connections with people, I’m well. I’ll get really bad. I’m a pure demon, unlike you guys, and I could get really scary! That's the reason why I'm here to begin with" Justin said. "We need to make up!"

    Gilly and Nick just laughed at Justin‘s cute but ass-like face. “Not our problem” Nick said. Nick and Gilly arrogantly walked past Justin, each brushing their bodies on his shoulders the way high school bullies do when they want to intimidate the nerds.

    "Wait. Aren't you going to get dressed first?" Gilly asked Nick.

    "No. More of a shock" Nick said. He liked getting under people's skin.
    n0ki: If it weren't for faggy civilization, people like me and bnd would be totally dead by now.

  38. #38

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    May 2007
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    Chapter 38: We Plan, God Laughs

    Sam, Steve, Dolphin, Mune, and Vero are all sitting around the kitchen table.

    “So you’re a mage now?” Dolphin said. “Like me. I was so sure you were a shaman, but whatever I guess. Have you finally found yourself now Sam? Shook hands with your emo within? So we can just…move on.” Dolphin said in that surprisingly half-assertive, half-mocking, half-affectionate tone that she has a tendency to speak in.

    Sam shrugged. “I-I’m so used to healing you know. But I can’t do that anymore.”

    “You never really wanted to do it in the first place. You told us as much, it's what you learned from your little trip to Larry Kramer” Steve said.

    “Yeah the whole ’ooh I’m a healer’ egoic projection thing started happening after I was released from Starr. I know I keep ranting about it, but the whole Starr thing changed me. Put an imprint on the purest parts of me, at least I thought it did. Before then I’d never even think about being a healer. But it’s like, all the horrible shit I saw done to people I sort of got forced into that role, you know. But it wasn’t really me. It took me nearly a decade to realize that.”

    “So you blow shit up rather than healin’ shit” Vero said. “Good for you, but how does that help us. You know, we’ll probably lose the duplex now. Angela couldn’t be the last of the government. And Sam! You killed people.”

    Sam started crying. “I’m sorry. I thought this would work. But just a week in, and it’s already over. Like the time in real life I tried to live by myself for a week. I had this idea that we’d be happy here, finding ourselves and being all liberated like cool sexy 20somethings.”

    “We plan, God laughs?” Mune said.

    “Yeah, okay, Sam did kill Angela and the black guys but in all reality they were scum and not really on the side of good themselves. So I don’t know, really” Steve said.

    “This is about how bad I really want what I really want. Whatever that is” Sam said, wiping away the huffy red flamey tears.

    “I get it now” Dolphin said. “It’s not such a simple thing, Vero. I mean. It’s not something Sammy can just….fix all at once. He spent so much time thinking he was a Shaman, that his whole life for so many years was just this big lie. He’s just now getting back into himself, you know- and he’s all tortured with the guilt, dealing with the fact he destroys life rather than builds it up.”

    “Yeah it explains why I always delete a lot of shit from my computer and start afresh a lot, and I kinda do that non-neurotically like, I just do it naturally” Sam said.

    “Hmm” Dolphin said. “Fire. Death. Destruction. It has a regenerative property, even more so than the obvious healing spells. It’s like, universal. Destroy old plants so new seeds can be sowed. You’re just, another part of the cycle.”

    “People keep telling me that. But I don’t feel it. I….it's not like my fire spells wouldn't work on things that don't necessarily need to be burned downed.”

    “Stop whining ******. You know it felt good to burn those ******s” Steve said with a wink.

    “Well if Sambo isn’t a healer anymore, then who is gonna heal the party?” Mune said.

    “You! Duh!” Dolphin said. “You can cast Gain, just like Sam could.”

    “Yeah but that’s ALL I can do. And revive people, and give them one buff spell that raises their stats.”

    “That’s all that’s needed, Adam. One pure really good healing spell is better than all those other tricks anyway" Vero said.


    Mune has learned the ability Group Hug!

    “Oh” he said sheepishly. The rest of the party giggled at that.

    “Ah good times, good times” Steve said.

    “We’re all still in this together, right?” Dolphin said. “The Fab Five. I mean, even if we lose the house and all that. We still can’t forget the mission. Protecting Baby Eldanen so he can summon a cute Jigglypuff-like Idea to save the world.”

    Sam got up. “SHIT I’M SO SELF-INVOLVED I FORGOT TO EVEN FEED HIM TODAY.” He ran to Eldanen’s room to give him his bottle.

    Dolphin looked around at the others. “Sooo…..what now.”

    Suddenly, a bunch of men decked out in armor wielding guns broke in Sam’s place. “Freeze!” the guys said all straight and military like. “You’re all under arrest.”
    n0ki: If it weren't for faggy civilization, people like me and bnd would be totally dead by now.

  39. #39

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    May 2007
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    Chapter 39: The No-Holy Not A Trinity

    “Sam, this place is surrounded by at least 40 swat guards. They’re just humans but they’re sooo well-equipped. We can’t fight them all off” Steve said.

    “I wasn’t ready for the outside world” Sam realized. “I thought I could juggle both, but I can’t. I don’t know how to. Everything about the real world, I still hate. I don’t care if it’s adolescentile or childish or that I should just get over it. I should, maybe. But I just can’t. It bothers me too much."

    “Real heroes don’t accept the world as it is” Dolphin said with a smile. "People who say 'It is what it is' are simply too lazy to try and make the world a better place."

    Sam looked around at their duplex. “We had some good memories….” he said.

    Dolphin looked at Sam. She picked up on what he was about to do. “You can’t be serious…..” she said.

    “I said that in order to save the world, I’d have to die. And it’s true. But we all know that death is never the end. There is no end.”

    “Sam!” Vero said with a shriek. “They know….” Her eyes glossed over in white fear. “They know about Baby Eldanen…..they have this special equipment that sees through his cloaking spell.” They all saw one of the guys holding baby Eldanen. "You fucking pervert" the man said to Sam.

    Instead of panicking, Sam remained calm. Funny, they always criticized Sam about this at Starr, his ability to be calm in situations like these. “Do you guys trust me?” Sam said. “You have to trust me.” He looked around. “We really did come so far, you know. Farther than we think.”

    Sam positioned himself in the middle of the heroes. “Good bye this idea, this life. Maybe one day I’ll be ready to make it work, but you know. Whatever.” Sam suddenly glowed a bright neon yellow.

    “Neon…….NOOOOOVAAAA!” Sam screamed. With his new mage powers he blew up the house and the forty guards, and himself and his friends. Everything.


    Thirty minutes later...

    The house was all blown apart in a million pieces. Dolphin pushed a large chunk of duplex-debris off her body and slowly stood back up. Her clothes were all ripped and she had brown dirt marks all over her body. “I-I’m alive.”

    “You died, but you’re back now….” Sam said. He coughed up some soot.

    “Baby Eldanen. He died too….” Dolphin said softly.

    “No. He teleported himself to safety at the last second, I saw it out of my peripheral vision. And he didn‘t teleport us. Clever. If he teleported all of us too, then they’d probably would have fired and we’d just lose for real.”

    “I still think we could have just teleported too” Vero said.

    Sam shook his head. “No. I had to take the swat dudes out with me, and to do that I knew we’d have to die as well. But we were closer together than ever before, really- and maybe that’s why our Ideas resurrected us pretty quickly.”

    “Class-check.” Sam said. He created a yellow orb of destruction in his hands and let it burst out into the air. “Yep, I’m still a mage” he said. Dolphin tested her powers by moving a stream of water from her left hand to the right. “Still a water Mage" she said.

    Vero used a bed of electricity to prop herself on both feet. “That pretty much speaks for itself” she said.

    Steve stood up, ready to agree that he was the same class like all the others. But something was a miss. “I feel…..different” he said. “Still a melee class, sure, but I ain’t so tanky. Not a Warrior anymore. I’m a ….Gladiator.”

    “Well Death changes us.” He looked around at Dolphin and Vero then back at Steve. “At least….some of us, some of the time.” Sam turned to Steve. “Well you still can tank right?”

    “Yeah but never like a Warrior, but sure I can still tank, at least I suppose so.” Steve scratched as his head. “Wait a minute. Where’s Mune?”

    The four searched the rubble for Mune. They finally found him, but he hadn’t revived like the others. He just laid buried under some shingles, dead and alone. His eyes vacantly looking up toward the sky. Eternally lost.

    “Oh fuck” Sam said. Dolphin and Vero began crying. Steve just looked down, sad.

    “He’ll come back, you know. Sooner or later” Sam said.

    “What if he comes back as a baby. And what if it’s years before that even happens?” Vero said.

    “I’m sorry. It’s a risk I had to take. Please don’t do the clichéd thing and be all mad at me like Gulanzon was! I can’t have that. I need you to be the strong womyn we all know you are, Vero.”

    Vero sniffled. “Y-yeah. But Sam. Look around. The balance has been eradicated. We have no healer, and no real tank.“ She looked at Steve. “Gladiators are off-tanks at best.”

    Sam took a step back. “We’re all just damage dealers” he said softly. He scratched his chin. “But Tanking and healing are just gimmicks, in the end the only thing that matters is power. The only thing that makes us actually progress in a game and in life, is damage. Right?”

    Vero blinked. “Well yeah…. But…..”

    “The trinity of tank/healing/damage dealing is fun and traditional, but it’s also really out dated and unoriginal. Just because we’re all the same role doesn’t mean that there’s an imbalance, that’s kinda like saying a gay relationship won’t work out cuz there's two dicks! Or something! And that’s not true!” Sam said.

    Dolphin stood up straighter, feeling resolved. “Yeah! And Sam’s right. It is really about the kill, you know. Things get done just by mowing down the competition.”

    “Baby Eldanen most likely teleported himself back to Sigma for safety. While he’s there, we can use our combined damage dealing abilities to do what we do best: take down a pure demon” Sam said to the group.

    The Fab Four put their hands together in a ‘go-team’ position.

    “Come on. Eckhart Tolle needs to die” Sam said.
    n0ki: If it weren't for faggy civilization, people like me and bnd would be totally dead by now.

  40. #40

    Join Date
    May 2007
    177 Post(s)
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    Chapter 40: The Power Of Ow

    Eckhart Tolle was up on a podium in an auditorium in Fremont, California. In one of those workshop classes similar to Esther Hicks, he was making more boring speech about psychological realms that don't exist. Preaching half-truths, telling sweet lies to people all while making his back account roll in the dough. "Just be in the now! Romantic relationships are bad for you! Your ego is the enemy so I write books with my ego telling you not to have an ego! Just l'eggo that ego! I'm so hypocritical and self-serving, but you don't even notice cause like all predators I only feed on people that have low self-esteem!"

    Sam blasted off the locked back door and entered Eckhart's workshop. The gay mage had a bone to grind. He wanted to prove you can be strong without money, you don't have to tell cowardly lies to people in order to stay in power. This little session Eckhart was doing was just another trick, just another device to make the good guys weaker and the bad guys stronger.

    "Stop feeding off them" Sam said all heroic and manly like. He withdrew his Shaman (well, Mage now) staff and aimed his gaze at Eckhart. Vero, Steve, and Dolphin were all behind Sam. Vero had on a black mesh top and khaki pants, Dolphin wore a blue fuzzy sweater and Steve had on one of those frat boy shirts with the number 69. Sam wore a black leather jacket and blue jeans, which to him signaled his new identity as a bad-ass damage dealer.

    Eckhart gasped. Sam was one of those people that was so quiet in school, that when he was actually confident it made you kind of do that sudden 'flinch' thing where you can't believe it. And besides, he didn't even see Sam coming. "You're not sitting down and obeying me like the others. Nor are you self-consciously laughing at my bad jokes the way a middle class loser is supposed to!" Eckhart said hatefully.

    "You're not better than me just because you have, money" Sam said. "Money is so selfish, it's just what people hide behind so they don't have to face the darkness in the world."

    "Fuck you. Socialists don't belong in America" Eckhart said. His eyes were glowing red now.

    "The bad guys want Americans to stay in pain so they won't think twice about giving away all their hard-earned cash to people who don't need it" Sam said. "It ends. Now." Sam jumped up on the stage Eckhart was speechifying on. He forgot he wasn't a melee class though, and sprained his ankle two seconds after he jumped up all straight man-like. "Owie...."

    Eckhart chuckled at Sam's pain. "More....I need MORE." He raised out his right hand and shot a yellow energy ray out in Sam's chest. "Aww, when you were in 7th grade gym class two kids stole your shoes and hid them in a locker and you had to tell the teacher about it and you were so scared" Eckhart said. He was taunting Sam, trying to get him to go off his guard. He could absorb Sam's social imprint like Miley Cyrus, but even more than that, he showed Sam the whole scene in a manifested portal.

    "You're just weak" Eckhart said. He telekinetically pushed Sam so hard he went flying down into his friends.

    "Why didn't you listen to the south park episode when they told you to spend your cash and have faith in the economy?" Eckhart said, confidently levitating down the stage and slowly walking up to Sam. (During all this commotion the normal people in the audience just stood dumbfounded like 'wtf is happening.' Too scared and middle class to move.) Of course, to protect Eckhart's image, Eckhart's camera man stopped filming him.

    "Because, they're not on my side either- Matt and Trey are already well off celebrities and just wanted more and more and more from the good guys. But no more" Sam said. He suddenly snapped the staff over his knee, creating two faux-daggers. Sam hurled them at Eckhart, using magic to focus them accurately. But Eckhart juiced up his hands with magic of his own, and easily batted the projectiles away.

    "YOU DON'T LIKE SOUTHPARK, YOU'RE LIKE SOOOO POLITICALLY CORRECT AND EMO" Eckhart retaliated. "You know what your problem is, you little ******? you take yourself too seriously. JUST BE IN THE NOW!"

    "Just be dead" Sam said. He ran up and cartwheel kicked Eckhart twice in the face. "I don't really have melee powers, and I actually can't even do a cartwheel. It's just that your natural body energy is so fucking fragile and INFJ-like that my melee powers are boosted up for this fight" Sam said. "So this is what a battle mage feels like" Sam said, thinking of Allie. He kicked Eckhart in the stomach.

    With a huge rush of magic, Eckhart uppercutted Sam to the ground. Sam got pissed and started wailing on Eckhart. But, Eckhart was out-healing Sam's damage really easily with his healing over time spells. Sam tried to pace himself with his breathing, but he was getting tired. He worked out more doing Leslie Sansone's vids, but he still wasn't a melee class and it was kinda getting to him.

    Just keep pacing yourself, an Idea said to Sam. Eckhart isn't all that powerful, he just wins by outlasting his opponents.

    Steve and Dolphin just looked at each other. "What do we do? I tried to cast a water bolt on him but his magic resist is really high" Dolphin said.

    "Just keep trying" Steve said. "I'm gonna go help Sam" he said. Dolphin just shrugged and then stood by Vero and started casting spells with her. "Say what you will about Sam, he really does fight for what he believes in" Dolphin said.

    Steve jogged up behind Eckhart and started to punch him in the back with a Gladiator Move called 'double punch', which strikes an opponent with superhuman speed. "I wish Mune didn't die. He could have conjured me a spear or something" Steve said. "Cause Eckhart looks weak against spears"

    Sam continued to beat Eckhart up in a mix of melee and light magic moves. While doing so, he had an epiphany. It was like his own Idea was speaking to him this time, not just a friendly one.

    Eckhart is very close to his own Idea like Esther was. Kicking his ass will feel really good, but it will only make him come back stronger than ever, until he inevitably becomes one with his own Idea like Esther and manifests more shit on earth that I REALLY, REALLY hate. Like mainstream crappy movies about how you shouldn't have feelings and you should just play sports and view life as a joke, and shit. No, to really win here, I have to kill the Idea of Eckhart. Which means....

    Sam stopped beating up on Eckhart and turned around toward the audience. Eckhart tried to use this time to cast Greater Gain on himself but Steve interrupted it by sliding down and kicking Eckhart in the balls.

    Sam started using his offensive magic on the humans in the audience! Dolphin gasped. "Sam! What are you doing. We need to protect them."

    "No" Sam said. "That's too obvious. We have to get rid of the IDEA of Eckhart Tolle, which means offing the people who still really believe in him and his ideals. We're killing his food, and his paycheck."

    Eckhart frowned at Sam. "No, what are you doing! Stop! Please" he begged. "Good guys don't kill!" (NO, THAT IS NOT TRUE JUST BECAUSE THE MEDIA AND JOSS WHEDON SAYS SO. UGH.)

    "Sam! I don't feel comfortable killing innocent people!" Steve said. "Isn't there another way?"

    "I wish there was...." Sam said. "But it's for their own good, they will come back again later, hopefully more connected to who they really are." Sam raised up his hands and cast a huge area of effect fire spell on the entire audience of a hundred or so people.

    Sam looked at Eckhart. Eckhart looked weak and like he didn't value himself. Sam smirked at him. "Aww poor baby, doesn't know what to do with himself when he doesn't have easy victims to try and play 'wise old teacher' to." Sam leaned over and stared Eckhart down. "See? I can prick and prod and provoke, too." With that, Sam flicked his hands and fried Eckhart to a crisp.

    "And since he died so weak in the moment, so not connected to his own idea of himself, it will be years until we have to worry about him again" Sam said.

    Sam shook his hands from Eckhart-debris and looked at Steve, then back around at Dolphin and Vero. "Good work, gang." He then turned around in another direction, as if looking at everybody in the world who was reading this story. Like, right through you. "And that's how you really fight evil" Sam said with a self-satisfied smirk. He and his gang victoriously walked out of Eckhart's workshop, all confident and proud of themselves.
    Last edited by Bullets; 03-05-2010 at 12:31 AM.
    n0ki: If it weren't for faggy civilization, people like me and bnd would be totally dead by now.

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