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Thread: Being understood by others

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    Default Being understood by others

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    I would be on guard, sweetcheeks
    <Crispy> what subt doesnt understand is that a healthy reaction to "FUCK YOU" is and not

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    I would be flattered and I would want to talk to them more and become their friend if possible. Wonderful Ne is the only thing able to figure out this mysterious me.

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    wants to be a writer. silverchris9's Avatar
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    I dunno. That person would either become my new best friend, or I would hate them for a month and then they would become my new best friend. Also, when you talked about understanding people, I immediately thought NiFe. I guess NeFi also understands people, but in a different way. I would probably be more receptive to the NiFe way, obviously.

    I've always been afraid that some alternate version of me would suddenly appear in my life and point out how incredibly psychologically transparent I am. But I'm also excited by that idea. Ideally I would respond in kind with a similarly weirdly accurate assessment of this individual's psychological state. Then we'd be friends. The NiFe-psychicness equivalent of two people having a fight and then becoming friends (Enkidu/Gilgamesh).
    Not a rule, just a trend.

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    I would feel violated. Full understanding (if there is such a thing) comes naturally and gradually over time.

    I also think that nobody really has that ability. People can have a powerful physical presence and control people that way, but so far in reverse, I haven't seen anybody being able to control people with 'full insight' (ie magic) alone. You can size people up pretty well with your intuition but they will always surprise you.

    So you are asking a question about an ability that nobody has. Even extremely powerful people like politicians, who are extremely insightful, or celebrities- don't have it. I was bombarded once by celebs who kept trying to guess me because I kept quiet and wouldn't talk to them. They were wrong about almost everything.

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    Jarno's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by polikujm View Post
    I would be flattered and I would want to talk to them more and become their friend if possible. Wonderful Ne is the only thing able to figure out this mysterious me.
    You were Ne yourself last week.

    I'm starting to wonder if you are playing some kind of hoax on us.

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    EffyCold thePirate's Avatar
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    ^yeah wtf
    <Crispy> what subt doesnt understand is that a healthy reaction to "FUCK YOU" is and not

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    Breaking stereotypes Suz's Avatar
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    I dont think anyone understands me. Maybe my IEI friend does, to an extent. Heck sometimes I dont understand myself!

    I'm IEI btw.

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    I would most likely become strongly attracted to them immediately. Being genuinely understood is actually one of the few things that causes me to let my guard down. I figure, if someone was able to do so without having known me for a decent amount of time, it would speak volumes about who they are as a person.

    Also, one of the most annoying things, is refusing to "be understood." Certain people just hide from it, no matter how well you get them and point things out. This is the ultimate form of pretension to me, and usually signifies a lack of self-awareness and a general fear of introspection. = repulsion
    Last edited by strrrng; 12-19-2009 at 09:18 PM.
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    Quote Originally Posted by strrrng View Post
    I would most likely become strongly attracted to them immediately. Being genuinely understood is actually one of the few things that causes me to let my guard down. I figure, if someone was able to do so without having known me for a decent amount of time, it would speak volumes about who they are as a person.
    Also, probably the most annoying thing is refusing to "be understood." Certain people just hide from it, no matter how well you get them and point things out. This is the ultimate form of pretension to me, and usually signifies a lack of self-awareness and a general fear of introspection. = repulsion
    Oh yes i forgot to comment on the OP's question. I feel the same way as strrrng. This would definitely impress me.
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    I would be a little suspicious at first and then probably intrigued. I would want to get to know this person better and ask them more about how they perceive me because I feel like no one really gets me that well.
    “No psychologist should pretend to understand what he does not understand... Only fools and charlatans know everything and understand nothing.” -Anton Chekhov

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  12. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by thePirate View Post
    I would be on guard, sweetcheeks
    Why?

    Quote Originally Posted by silverchris9 View Post
    I dunno. That person would either become my new best friend, or I would hate them for a month and then they would become my new best friend. Also, when you talked about understanding people, I immediately thought NiFe. I guess NeFi also understands people, but in a different way. I would probably be more receptive to the NiFe way, obviously.

    I've always been afraid that some alternate version of me would suddenly appear in my life and point out how incredibly psychologically transparent I am. But I'm also excited by that idea. Ideally I would respond in kind with a similarly weirdly accurate assessment of this individual's psychological state. Then we'd be friends. The NiFe-psychicness equivalent of two people having a fight and then becoming friends (Enkidu/Gilgamesh).
    Okay, it's interesting that you and Bardia [Ne-PoLR and all] wouldn't be totally averse to this kind of thing. I wondered if it was a Ne-rejecting thing on her part [she's SLE]; and in a way maybe it was. It makes sense that she might have welcomed the same sorts of insights if they had been presented in an NiFe way.

    Quote Originally Posted by strrrng View Post
    I would most likely become strongly attracted to them immediately. Being genuinely understood is actually one of the few things that causes me to let my guard down. I figure, if someone was able to do so without having known me for a decent amount of time, it would speak volumes about who they are as a person.
    This is how I would react as well; it fascinates me when I meet someone who is interested in and perceptive about people.


    Also, one of the most annoying things, is refusing to "be understood." Certain people just hide from it, no matter how well you get them and point things out. This is the ultimate form of pretension to me, and usually signifies a lack of self-awareness and a general fear of introspection. = repulsion
    That drives me crazy too sometimes; I agree it can feel like the person is being pretentious.

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    I'd love to be understood, but I'd hate to be analyzed.
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  14. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by munenori2 View Post
    I'd love to be understood, but I'd hate to be analyzed.
    Ah, this is an important distinction. I agree 100%.

    Actually, one of the reasons I didn't go into a psychology field was bc I didn't want to become one of those creepy people who analyzes everyone. And lo and behold I discovered socionics and the enneagram, and do it all the time anyway The trick is to keep the analysis part to yourself, I think, heh.

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    Interesting. I've observed that Fi/Te types often feel (over)analyzed by Fe/Ti types. I wonder how much this factors into feeling understood. Fe'ers usually care more about getting inside of peoples' nuances, and extracting more general understandings of how they work; with Fi/Te, it seems more integral and implicit, like they gauge who a person is before determining how they actually 'operate.'
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    If someone claims to understand me completely, I'll make them responsible for every area of my life until they fail to fully account for something - then I'll take that as proof that they don't understand me completely (I actually ran through this process mentally the last time someone claimed to "see right through me"; outwardly, I just ignored them). If they simply understand a particular rarely-understood thing about me, I'd take that as a lucky chance; I'd take more interest in that person for the sake of that one thing, but wouldn't expect them to also understand other things about me, unless they were related in some way to the first thing.



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    Quote Originally Posted by strrrng View Post
    Interesting. I've observed that Fi/Te types often feel (over)analyzed by Fe/Ti types. I wonder how much this factors into feeling understood. Fe'ers usually care more about getting inside of peoples' nuances, and extracting more general understandings of how they work; with Fi/Te, it seems more integral and implicit, like they gauge who a person is before determining how they actually 'operate.'
    I would agree w this, and especially w the last sentence.

    Regarding the first part, maybe Fi/Te-ers feel that way bc Fe/Ti types are often more vocal about their analysis... and [and this is from my experience w a couple of EIEs and is not meant as a generalization] they sometimes notice something [say, someone behaves a certain way in a particular context] and assume it's a constant feature of that person's personality, which it very well may not be, then form opinions based on that. That can be irritating. Then again, doing that may not be type-related at all; I'm sure people of all types jump to conclusions from time to time....



    For clarification: I'm not talking about understanding someone completely; I don't claim to be able to do that, and that is not what this thread is about. I'm just talking about picking up on nuances that a person may think are not obvious to others and understanding them, maybe beyond what they would have expected.

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    Quote Originally Posted by SoapOfSapphire View Post
    I would agree w this, and especially w the last sentence.

    Regarding the first part, maybe Fi/Te-ers feel that way bc Fe/Ti types are often more vocal about their analysis... and [and this is from my experience w a couple of EIEs and is not meant as a generalization] they sometimes notice something [say, someone behaves a certain way in a particular context] and assume it's a constant feature of that person's personality, which it very well may not be, then form opinions based on that. That can be irritating. Then again, doing that may not be type-related at all; I'm sure people of all types jump to conclusions from time to time....
    Makes sense. Fe/Ti does work in a sort of inductive way, in the sense of tracking latent activity and building more cohesive ideas to define and categorize it. Once a 'law' has been established by a Fe/Ti individual, it's not especially likely to change, unless a significant Fe variance makes itself apparent (which will probably only refine it).

    Conversely, it seems that Fi determines these core traits and laws as precedents for actions; this is the thing that can feel presumptuous to Fe/Ti'ers, because it seems as though the Fi/Te'er isn't open to the variations in peoples' behaviors. I guess Te acts as a more objective monitor, which can allow Fi to 're-shift' if necessary.
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    I think Fi is cross contextual and yet a context in itself, sorta like a combination of Ni and Ne. Like the Fi "beam" is the same for all individuals and unique to them. So a different social context does not alter the Fi relation.
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    Agreed. I tend to see all field functions as contexts in their own; but where external fields act more as eliminating mechanisms (establishing parameters for what things aren't, in order to filter the relevancy of internal object variances), internal fields seem to assume latent coherence beforehand.
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    You brilliant man, staring into the abyss!
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    oh why did you have to say abyss...
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    staring into the maelstrom, then!
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    I suppose that works!
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