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Thread: Duality and feeling miserable when things are bad

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    3RainbowSprinkles's Avatar
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    Default Duality and feeling miserable when things are bad

    I love duals and duality. When things are good with me and my dual, things are really flyin' high in the sky. When things are bad though? They are so miserable that I just want to kill him!! I don't understand why he just won't see things my way sometimes...

    I'm twenty one years old and I started to date my dual when I was 14. We're both the same age and grew up together. Over the years we've been on and off...but things are really getting so difficult. It's hard enough for a regular relationship, but now we have distance in the mix... In my eyes, the future is looking bleak. I mean...we always come home and it's nice when I see him, but i'm just not sure about how I can make this work for me anymore. He does not want to be committed to me because he says that long disatance relationships don't work. I agree, but my heart feels otherwise at times. I just want him to be committed to only me. I know we're young and need to experience everyone else out there...but... :/ I don't know if i want to sit around and wait for him anymore.

    I want a committment out of him! But i'm also torn because I'm not sure if I can stay fully committed at such a large distance and I'm putting a lot at steak if I ask for this. Also, in the next year and a half the distance thing will be an issue too.

    I'm torn between trying to make things work and just splitting up and not talking to him for a while. I know life will bring us back together...but should I keep trying to make things work or should I just leave them be? Should I just be happy with living in the middle zone? Does anyone else have advice or experiences?
    Peggacorn
    ENFP

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    A Tiger livin' in a zoo.
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    If you love someone, let them go. If the love was true they'll come back to you.

    You're 21. You've got a lot ahead of you. My advice based on my experience is to let the two of you go. Focus on yourself for a while, study, fun, experiences. Try not to stand still for too long until you can. Most importantly, keep a high level of emotional distance. You can't hang on. No middle zone.

    At the end of the day though, you're just going to do whatever feels right. You're IEE.

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    Éminence grise mikemex's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wrong Way Ticket View Post
    If you love someone, let them go. If the love was true they'll come back to you.
    It's far easier to say than to do...

    Both SLIs and IEEs claim to be very independent, but deep inside both fear freedom much more than anything else. Too much freedom means total disconnection and isolation. All deltas are both aristocratic and Fi valuing, so they derive their identity from their sense connection and belonging.

    SLIs have weak Ni, so they prefer to analyze results to make predictions. They have a poor grasp of their own emotions, and find it nearly impossible to forecast them deep into the future. In plain terms, they need to screw things up first and only then they will realize (and regret) their fault: turning down love for the sake of freedom.

    I won't expect much from an SLI of that age, but be certain that pretty much every mature and healthy SLI is very capable, even eager, to make vows and enjoy commitment.
    [] | NP | 3[6w5]8 so/sp | Type thread | My typing of forum members | Johari (Strengths) | Nohari (Weaknesses)

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    I think Wrong Way Ticket and MikeMex have given good advice here.

    Quote Originally Posted by Wrong Way Ticket View Post
    If you love someone, let them go. If the love was true they'll come back to you.
    Yes. Especially w Deltas, maybe, if you love someone then I think you should let them know it, and then let go... back off and give them whatever freedom or space they need. If they come back, welcome them with open arms; if they don't, at least you gave it your all.

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    Aw. I feel for you. I did a long-distance relationship when I was your age, and wow, did it suck. What I learned from it: I ended up dwelling on the fact that I missed him, and my entire relationship became centered on pain. So the only advice I have for you if you do it, is not to do that. I'm not even sure if that's possible.
    IEE

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    3RainbowSprinkles's Avatar
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    thanks everyone. we ended up ending things and on pretty bad terms too. i feel like we've tried to mend things so many times just to have it crumble again and again that this might have been it. you cant paste porcelain dust back into a vase again.

    I'm very depressed. i can't handle loosing a dual. maybe it would be best to look for the next best thing where the times are good and the bad times are decent instead of looking for when the good times are out of this world and bad times are like getting stuck in hell.
    Peggacorn
    ENFP

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    Darn Socks Director Abbie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 3RainbowSprinkles View Post
    I'm putting a lot at steak if I ask for this.
    Don't you mean stake?

    ESTj
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ritella View Post
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    Quote Originally Posted by Aquagraph View Post
    Abbie is so boring and rigid it's awesome instead of boring and rigid. She seems so practical and down-to-the-ground.

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    Quote Originally Posted by 3RainbowSprinkles View Post
    i can't handle loosing a dual.
    Sure you can.
    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ryu View Post
    Sure you can.
    it's very painful for a long time.

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    3RainbowSprinkles's Avatar
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    just to give an update...we had an opportunity to see each other recently. We were able to talk things out. I feel like although communication is hard for SLI's and IEE's, we've been seeing each other for so long that we can talk anything out. We've hit almost every problem relationships can hit (except some jerry springer crapola)...this was no different.

    I guess everything is a learning experience. When you're really feeling down in the dumps, it's cuz your waiting for an epiphany to come. When mine finally came, i refused to let go of the love of my life just cuz something so silly as distance came in the way. Especially when we've gotten through problems way worse (worthy of leaving a relationship for). We decided to jump in. The water is warm! :] If it crashes and burns again, we'll walk out of the embers hand in hand. I know I was being such a drama queen before, but now i realize...my dual is my partner in crime. What would I do without him? <3
    Peggacorn
    ENFP

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