Contrary vs Quasi-Identical

[xkj220]

From your own experience, which one is easier to tolerate?

Some info, just in case:

Relations between Psychological ("personality") Types
SOCIONICS: Intertype Relationships (contrary = contrast; quasi-identical = quasi-identity)

[Azeroffs]

With contraries, it seems like there are extremes of being able to get along quite well and then really pissing me off. Quasi-identicals I just find hard to get close to so it generally gives me a 'whatever' impression.

I can't say which I tolerate more, though I think my quasi-identical is generally more interesting.

[crazedrat]

contrary doesn't wear you out the way quasi does.

[Blaze]

problems i have with the two, generally speaking:

with my contraries (IEE) I often end up finding them too scattered, and too full of unrealistic and/or pointless ideas that i just find myself being not that interested in. i get frustrated when they want to make decisions based on all the things that could happen and i'm more interested in what i think actually will happen.

with my quasis (EII), i'm often put off by their "coldness", their unreceptiveness to my attempts to emotionally connect with them via Fe. interaction often just falls flat and i find it hard to guess what they are thinking and what their true disposition is towards me (moreso with strangers.)

i think i might prefer IEE just because of the compatible temperaments + irrationality.

i would say almost the same thing, except in a slightly different way.

with LIE's, they don't give a shit about my ideas and i feel shut down by their dismissiveness. to me, their Te seems entirely self serving, esp in work environments.

with ILI's, they're too negative and cynical. but if i tolerate their point of view, we can reach a reasoned conclusion and plan. they're much easier to get along with, even if they keep me on my toes more than i want to be in groups.

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

That's a hard question..........

Quasi-Identicals can grow on you more than Contrary though. Contrary is kind of the reverse, but they're still both rather shitty.

It depends on if you want to start with really smelling shit, and have it turn out to be not-so bad dog poop that still stinks but not quite as bad, or you start out with the dog poop and it delves back into really stanky shit again. Either way you slice it, you still have shit.

[Krig the Viking]

Contraries have a dual temperament, which makes them easier to get along with than Quasi-Identicals.

I find ILIs to be too negative and cynical, plus their complete lack of Fe makes me feel kind of stifled, as Fe is what I'm really looking for. LIEs, on the other hand, aren't much more exciting, but they at least won't utterly shut down any expressions of Fe, and they tend to be somewhat more positive about life.

I'm internally negative enough for two people already, I don't need help from ILIs in that regard.

[FDG]

I actually get along pretty well with INTjs, when I am in a good mood and I don't mind that they're a bit less expressive than what I'd find "optimal".

ENTps, it can vary. Some of them are friendly (even though they can say supremely tactless stuff) and live a kind of "casual" life, I usually have a lot of fun with this kind. Another type is really focussed on intellectual stuff and treats everybody else as-if they're stupid, in that case I will argue to death with them.

[silverchris9]

Contraries are frustrating because the focus on the right things in the wrong ways. I feel like many IEEs are interested in the exact same things I'm interested in. But then I feel like they aren't looking into things "deeply" enough, to get the real meaning and universal significances of art. But they can be right too. Besides that, IEEs are def. fun to hang out with, you just can't get too deep with them. They're a wonderful medium psychological distance friendship, like the friend you can always hang with if you're at the same party but you'd never share the innermost secrets of your souls with each other either.

Quasi-identicals (EIIs)... overemphasize Fi. That's all. No big deal, just they make too big a deal of ethical drama and what someone should have done. Who cares? I feel like IEEs put Fi more in its place; they're all into the firmly bonded relationships and ethical requirements too, but not as obsessively, so I feel like they can use Fi more for its real purpose, which, as far as I'm concerned, is the capacity to make good dinner conversation and chit-chat and to be pleasant (whereas Fe makes you exciting or interesting. I feel like Fi makes you... pleasant. Or lovely, like "oh, look, what a lovely home! And what a pleasant afternoon we spent in it, drinking tea from that pristine teapot over there!"). But that could be my deltas-are-boring bias showing.

IEEs are a little more frustrating to me because they seem like they would have such a great understanding of things and then you find that they don't, at least not in the way that I would like. EIIs are more silly to me than anything. But they're nice too, and they could be the friend that tags along with the friend you hang out with at the party that isn't quite as cool but definitely someone you could talk to (even if you had to lead the conversation a little to avoid it being boring, or just be "cute" a lot).

[betterthan]

Contraries are frustrating because the focus on the right things in the wrong ways. I feel like many IEEs are interested in the exact same things I'm interested in. But then I feel like they aren't looking into things "deeply" enough, to get the real meaning and universal significances of art. But they can be right too. Besides that, IEEs are def. fun to hang out with, you just can't get too deep with them. They're a wonderful medium psychological distance friendship, like the friend you can always hang with if you're at the same party but you'd never share the innermost secrets of your souls with each other either.

Quasi-identicals (EIIs)... overemphasize Fi. That's all. No big deal, just they make too big a deal of ethical drama and what someone should have done. Who cares? I feel like IEEs put Fi more in its place; they're all into the firmly bonded relationships and ethical requirements too, but not as obsessively, so I feel like they can use Fi more for its real purpose, which, as far as I'm concerned, is the capacity to make good dinner conversation and chit-chat and to be pleasant (whereas Fe makes you exciting or interesting. I feel like Fi makes you... pleasant. Or lovely, like "oh, look, what a lovely home! And what a pleasant afternoon we spent in it, drinking tea from that pristine teapot over there!"). But that could be my deltas-are-boring bias showing.

IEEs are a little more frustrating to me because they seem like they would have such a great understanding of things and then you find that they don't, at least not in the way that I would like. EIIs are more silly to me than anything. But they're nice too, and they could be the friend that tags along with the friend you hang out with at the party that isn't quite as cool but definitely someone you could talk to (even if you had to lead the conversation a little to avoid it being boring, or just be "cute" a lot).

Ah no, Fe does not make you more interesting or exciting, I think Fe coupled with a je ne sais quoi makes for the most exciting people. But you have to have good social skills, some Fe people bore me, they are just crazy expressive and it's too much - I notice it predominately with EIEs, some are really self-absorbed and boring, they don't know how to interact with people.

There is an EII in a group I hang with, initially I thought she was wicked and I was really drawn to her just because she is pretty socially adept compared to most people at my school. But after hanging out more - our main issue is that we both feel that the other is unjustly better liked. I am really distant and self-contained around her to keep the relationship on good terms, I find that she kisses my arse and talks about worthless shit. She is kind of annoyingly desperate for approval from certain people and tries to intergrate herself with me which just feels off. But she is a good person and she is pretty interesting. I just find the delta group atmosphere boring when I compare it to the Fe beta/alpha atmosphere that I am more used to.

And then there is this IEE in that group also who I sometimes feel drawn to but I have no respect for and I am really upfront about it, if I think he's acting like a dick, I tell him and he just does this pathetic brooding shit and is all paranoid and won't tell me what he thinks of me. He is more annoying, but I think that's just him rather than his type.

[Blaze]

I'm internally negative enough for two people already, I don't need help from ILIs in that regard.

this is good. hahaha :-)

[Blaze]

There is an EII in a group I hang with, initially I thought she was wicked and I was really drawn to her just because she is pretty socially adept compared to most people at my school. But after hanging out more - our main issue is that we both feel that the other is unjustly better liked. I am really distant and self-contained around her to keep the relationship on good terms, I find that she kisses my arse and talks about worthless shit. She is kind of annoyingly desperate for approval from certain people and tries to intergrate herself with me which just feels off. But she is a good person and she is pretty interesting. I just find the delta group atmosphere boring when I compare it to the Fe beta/alpha atmosphere that I am more used to.

something similar happens with my quasi. i feel like they are "getting more" than they really should given the superficial, manipulative nature of the "facts". i feel like people are hoodwinked by them into following them and i am mystified by the sheepiness of their followers. i kinda feel like if i say anything it's like the empereror's new clothes. hahaha so i, too am uncharacteristically quiet around them, which is not the norm for me and i find it totally inhibiting. i am not sure on how they feel about me. maybe that i am a subversive chaotic element that they need to manage?

[betterthan]

something similar happens with my quasi. i feel like they are "getting more" than they really should given the superficial, manipulative nature of the "facts". i feel like people are hoodwinked by them into following them and i am mystified by the sheepiness of their followers. i kinda feel like if i say anything it's like the empereror's new clothes. hahaha so i, too am uncharacteristically quiet around them, which is not the norm for me and i find it totally inhibiting. i am not sure on how they feel about me. maybe that i am a subversive chaotic element that they need to manage?

Haha ! Ah yeah totally! It's really inhibiting around your quasi, and I so get you on the hoodwinked followers, I am like dude bitch has got nothing on me!

[Blaze]

[JuJu]

ENFps--my quasi-ID--I appreciate from afar; however, when we hang out -- as me and my quasi-ID step-brother have to sometimes -- it generally goes badly. He attempts to explain his interests to me, (almost always involving Te,) and I attempt to understand. But I misunderstand. Just as he misunderstands me. For example, "you're being uptight," or "calm down," when I'm just talking normally... That's his reaction to Fe and Se HA.

Relations with my contrary -- I really wish we could come up with a new name for this relation because as it is, it's non-descript -- are usually very polite and superficial. We have no interest in each other and tend not to talk for long other than pleasantries.

I like the contrary relationship better because the quasi-ID relationship can be painful sometimes.

[DirectorAbbie]

Quasis are less tolerable than conflicts.

[Creepy-]

INFps annoy me after a while, and ENFjs wear me out AND annoy me after a while. So I guess it's Contrary > Quasi-identical for me, by a slim margin.

[By the way, I want to take this opportunity to point out how much it sucks when someone in your family or that you just interact w a lot is an AWESOME person, but makes you feel drained and/or irritated, and vice versa... funny how that works, but at least I can kind of understand why since it seems to follow the theory set forth by socionics.]

[Blaze]

[By the way, I want to take this opportunity to point out how much it sucks when someone in your family or that you just interact w a lot is an AWESOME person, but makes you feel drained and/or irritated, and vice versa... funny how that works, but at least I can kind of understand why since it seems to follow the theory set forth by socionics.]

yes, totally. and just because you can understand due to socionics, this doesn't lesson the irritation. which sometimes makes me think what good is knowing socionics anyway if you can't really do anything about it.

[ArchonAlarion]

contrary doesn't wear you out the way quasi does.

complementary temperaments

[betterthan]

INFps annoy me after a while, and ENFjs wear me out AND annoy me after a while. So I guess it's Contrary > Quasi-identical for me, by a slim margin.

[By the way, I want to take this opportunity to point out how much it sucks when someone in your family or that you just interact w a lot is an AWESOME person, but makes you feel drained and/or irritated, and vice versa... funny how that works, but at least I can kind of understand why since it seems to follow the theory set forth by socionics.]

Yeah, it sucks.

[silverchris9]

Actually, I kind of want to amend my post. Quasi's are worse. I think they emphasize Fi way too much. I can get along with them very easily insofar as ability to do so, but I generally have an underlying desire to yell at them for placing so much emphasis on stuff that doesn't matter. It's like NeFi puts theoretical emphasis on stuff that doesn't matter (and maybe they're a little too fluffy or whatever but who cares), but FiNe builds their lives around things that are not a big deal... and it's definitely worse the less you agree with their ethical outlook/standard of "good and bad" behavior.

[ladyinred]

problems i have with the two, generally speaking:

with my contraries (IEE) I often end up finding them too scattered, and too full of unrealistic and/or pointless ideas that i just find myself being not that interested in. i get frustrated when they want to make decisions based on all the things that could happen and i'm more interested in what i think actually will happen.

with my quasis (EII), i'm often put off by their "coldness", their unreceptiveness to my attempts to emotionally connect with them via Fe. interaction often just falls flat and i find it hard to guess what they are thinking and what their true disposition is towards me (moreso with strangers.)

i think i might prefer IEE just because of the compatible temperaments + irrationality.

sounds familiar, complementary temperments definitely make the relationship easier

Contraries are frustrating because the focus on the right things in the wrong ways. I feel like many IEEs are interested in the exact same things I'm interested in. But then I feel like they aren't looking into things "deeply" enough, to get the real meaning and universal significances of art. But they can be right too. Besides that, IEEs are def. fun to hang out with, you just can't get too deep with them. They're a wonderful medium psychological distance friendship, like the friend you can always hang with if you're at the same party but you'd never share the innermost secrets of your souls with each other either.

Quasi-identicals (EIIs)... overemphasize Fi. That's all. No big deal, just they make too big a deal of ethical drama and what someone should have done. Who cares? I feel like IEEs put Fi more in its place; they're all into the firmly bonded relationships and ethical requirements too, but not as obsessively, so I feel like they can use Fi more for its real purpose, which, as far as I'm concerned, is the capacity to make good dinner conversation and chit-chat and to be pleasant (whereas Fe makes you exciting or interesting. I feel like Fi makes you... pleasant. Or lovely, like "oh, look, what a lovely home! And what a pleasant afternoon we spent in it, drinking tea from that pristine teapot over there!"). But that could be my deltas-are-boring bias showing.

IEEs are a little more frustrating to me because they seem like they would have such a great understanding of things and then you find that they don't, at least not in the way that I would like. EIIs are more silly to me than anything. But they're nice too, and they could be the friend that tags along with the friend you hang out with at the party that isn't quite as cool but definitely someone you could talk to (even if you had to lead the conversation a little to avoid it being boring, or just be "cute" a lot).

Ah no, Fe does not make you more interesting or exciting, I think Fe coupled with a je ne sais quoi makes for the most exciting people. But you have to have good social skills, some Fe people bore me, they are just crazy expressive and it's too much - I notice it predominately with EIEs, some are really self-absorbed and boring, they don't know how to interact with people.

There is an EII in a group I hang with, initially I thought she was wicked and I was really drawn to her just because she is pretty socially adept compared to most people at my school. But after hanging out more - our main issue is that we both feel that the other is unjustly better liked. I am really distant and self-contained around her to keep the relationship on good terms, I find that she kisses my arse and talks about worthless shit. She is kind of annoyingly desperate for approval from certain people and tries to intergrate herself with me which just feels off. But she is a good person and she is pretty interesting. I just find the delta group atmosphere boring when I compare it to the Fe beta/alpha atmosphere that I am more used to.

And then there is this IEE in that group also who I sometimes feel drawn to but I have no respect for and I am really upfront about it, if I think he's acting like a dick, I tell him and he just does this pathetic brooding shit and is all paranoid and won't tell me what he thinks of me. He is more annoying, but I think that's just him rather than his type.

something similar happens with my quasi. i feel like they are "getting more" than they really should given the superficial, manipulative nature of the "facts". i feel like people are hoodwinked by them into following them and i am mystified by the sheepiness of their followers. i kinda feel like if i say anything it's like the empereror's new clothes. hahaha so i, too am uncharacteristically quiet around them, which is not the norm for me and i find it totally inhibiting. i am not sure on how they feel about me. maybe that i am a subversive chaotic element that they need to manage?

totally, its like neither understands the others success and both can be some what jealous as the result

ENFps--my quasi-ID--I appreciate from afar; however, when we hang out -- as me and my quasi-ID step-brother have to sometimes -- it generally goes badly. He attempts to explain his interests to me, (almost always involving Te,) and I attempt to understand. But I misunderstand. Just as he misunderstands me. For example, "you're being uptight," or "calm down," when I'm just talking normally... That's his reaction to Fe and Se HA.

Relations with my contrary -- I really wish we could come up with a new name for this relation because as it is, it's non-descript -- are usually very polite and superficial. We have no interest in each other and tend not to talk for long other than pleasantries.

I like the contrary relationship better because the quasi-ID relationship can be painful sometimes.

- especially bolded

By the way, I want to take this opportunity to point out how much it sucks when someone in your family or that you just interact w a lot is an AWESOME person, but makes you feel drained and/or irritated, and vice versa... funny how that works, but at least I can kind of understand why since it seems to follow the theory set forth by socionics.]

so true

Actually, I kind of want to amend my post. Quasi's are worse. I think they emphasize Fi way too much. I can get along with them very easily insofar as ability to do so, but I generally have an underlying desire to yell at them for placing so much emphasis on stuff that doesn't matter. It's like NeFi puts theoretical emphasis on stuff that doesn't matter (and maybe they're a little too fluffy or whatever but who cares), but FiNe builds their lives around things that are not a big deal... and it's definitely worse the less you agree with their ethical outlook/standard of "good and bad" behavior.

yeah. temperament and consequential emphasis is what makes the big difference, for me

[MatthewZ]

Contraries have always been my best opposite-quadra relationships. If there was ever a time I thought I was ILI, it was because of how well I've gotten along with LIEs. Like others have said, the complementary temperament makes for somewhat harmonious interactions, even if the values don't match.