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Thread: Male ISFjs' vice: womanizing

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    Default Male ISFjs' vice: womanizing

    In Socionics, ISFjs are known for their moral rectitude--their sincere caring for others, their desire to 'do what's right' for people, teams, and communities. (For this reason, my ISFj Dad is my hero.) Most ISFjs I've met manifest a strong compulsion to do what's noble.

    This said, I've noted a contradictory undercurrent among these relative goody-goodies of the Socion... Many of them exhibit a particular weakness--which often crosses the line into vice--for sex and women.

    It's been my observation that some types exhibit certain vices more frequently than other types, e.g. betas and ESFps/INTps and drug abuse/alcoholism.) I believe that Socionics can help to explain this, (i.e. functional analysis.)

    I know a male ISFj who dates handfuls of different women at once, spending obscene amount of money, juggling each of them. Indeed, among those that I've known who've engaged in extramarital affairs, and under-handed dealings in relationships, ISFjs feature prominently...

    Furthermore, it seems to pain male ISFjs to be single for too long. Two ISFjs I've known have had serial marriages... To use a celebrity example, Johnny Carson was married 4 times..

    Of course, male (and female) ISFjs can be suave in communication--Se & Fi's combination of strength and sensitivity--combines well with their usually athletic/attractive frames... Chics usually dig 'em.)

    Male ESIs are perhaps the smoothest players in the Socion. They come across as caring and absolutely genuine; however, from what I've heard, oftentimes you won't know their true opinions of you until they kick you out of their beds in the morning, and stop returning your calls.

    Male ISFjs talk about women with the feeling and bravado that they talk about their other favorite objects (I use the word 'objects' for a reason:') cars and motorcycles (Te dual-seeking, as they are...) Like the latter, women give male ESIs a "rush," and a sense of feeling "cool."

    No offense to ISFjs--they're my second favorite type to my dual... Just something I noticed that I haven't see addressed here before.

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    Umm. I can't say this is true for the male ISFjs that I know, although they seem like they "would like" to. The two I know like, for example, to dress up and showoff to women even though they already have a girlfriend (f.e. I find this completely useless, and also would feel a bit guilty about it), and/or fantasize about having an affair. But they've never actually cheated on their girlfriend. I've always reprimanded them when I hear this type of thinking, saying that they will regret the consequences and make their lives a mess.
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    JuJu, there's a certain amount of truth to what you're saying, but I think you're seeing through the lens of Fe-valuing.

    First of all, I think reason that the Fe-ignoring gets out of hand sometimes is because of the Ne PoLR. Because ESIs think of Fe as boring and worthless--some even going so far as to view it with contempt--their Ne PoLR makes it easy for them to regard Fe "abuse" as having nothing to do with a person's wellbeing.

    For instance, after learning about Socionics, I've discovered that the reason my ILE brother always heckles me is because he is subconsciously looking for Fe, without which he is unsure about whether or not people actually like him. When I make a bit of effort to "give" him some, he lightens up and becomes noticeably more cheerful. I never would have considered doing this without having learned about our Socionics types.

    As far as the womanizing goes, I'm not sure; I haven't really noticed any male ESIs in real life besides myself (though I notice plenty of female ones). I think we may actually be rare, though I'm merely speculating.

    I can say that as a teenager I would take a lot of pleasure in accumulating many "girlfriends" with whom I would consciously attempt to appear desirable but on whom I would never make any moves. For some reason, I've always been very reticent about actually going further than flirting. I guess I liked the attention of having attractive girls with crushes on me, but did not actually want to have the drama of a teenage relationship. I prefer to coax the lady in question into making the first move instead, and this has actually been a rather successful strategy, at least as far as attracting hot EIEs goes (which isn't good because they always want to go to parties and shit, and hdshjbgkjslg bleh)

    I think male ESIs can seem really attractive to women because they seem, as you said, extremely genuine and caring, but they also have that ISxj "edge" that makes them seem masculine. It doesn't work on all women, though. Girls with sensing seem to find it boring, but NTs--and especially NFs--seem to like it a lot. Delta NFs seem to like it when you boldly compliment them after friendly relations are established ("You have a nice butt" worked on this one EII who thereafter kept knitting me hats).

    Anyway, bottom line: Women are fun. Sex them as much as possible.

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    ISFj's can be as manipulative, and play as much with feelings as do some INFp's. However, the INFp's are upfront about their games, usually, while the ISFjs are much more "smooth". Their famed "loyalty" stays as long as you are useful to them. Male ESI-Se's can easily mistype, by means of VI, behavior, or other; as SLE's.

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    Quote Originally Posted by xkj220 View Post
    ISFj's can be as manipulative, and play as much with feelings as do some INFp's. However, the INFp's are upfront about their games, usually, while the ISFjs are much more "smooth". Their famed "loyalty" stays as long as you are useful to them. Male ESI-Se's can easily mistype, by means of VI, behavior, or other; as SLE's.
    If I respect someone, I make a conscious effort not to manipulate them or to play with their feelings. My liking of someone varies directly with my bluntness toward them.

    But yes, I can see a male ESI-Se seeming like an SLE in certain circumstances.

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    By "varies" you mean decreases or increases?

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    Quote Originally Posted by xkj220 View Post
    By "varies" you mean decreases or increases?
    Increases.

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    I find this is (extremely) true of both of the ESI men I know. And good point on the combination of Se and Fi; I assume that is very attractive to women (although not as attractive as Ni and Fe. Obviously). Also the mix of guardedness with "real feelings" and capacity to project caring emotions (even unconsciously; SiFe id) would easily give the impression that they are genuinely interested in a serious relationship even when they are not. That being said, I don't begrudge them this; they'll grow up and grow out of it, if they're good people. My ESI uncle has been extremely faithful for quite a while now, and that's the thing about ESIs: they're hard to get "on your side" but once they are on your side, they stick there like woah. I think that ESI behavior can look like SLE behavior, but I don't think that SLEs are quite as good at making other people think that they "care" in the same way that ESIs can, although I'd imagine that both types can be equally suave (again, not as suave as NiFe. Obviously. )

    Delta NFs seem to like it when you boldly compliment them after friendly relations are established ("You have a nice butt" worked on this one EII who thereafter kept knitting me hats).
    That is probably one of the top four funniest things I've heard in a week.
    Not a rule, just a trend.

    IEI. Probably Fe subtype. Pretty sure I'm E4, sexual instinctual type, fairly confident that I'm a 3 wing now, so: IEI-Fe E4w3 sx/so. Considering 3w4 now, but pretty sure that 4 fits the best.

    Yes 'a ma'am that's pretty music...

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