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Thread: Just Need to Vent

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    Default Just Need to Vent

    I just want to let it out is all.
    I'm a Junior in High School.

    I've known this girl for several years, since I moved into town in 8th grade. I now know she's an IEE, for sure.

    Started out like people say duality does, when we look back she says she didn't notice me. She even says that she didn't even know I existed, which to her is weird because, as she says, she always remembers people who she's seen or met. We only spoke once, and in that one time I spoke to her I found her obnoxious. Not much interaction or even acknowledgment on both sides.

    Fast forward to sophomore year in high school and we start talking for some reason. I can't really remember why or how, honestly. We had a lot in common... both of us are athletic and involved in the school, well known, have interests in singing, both play saxophone, smart, etc etc. I do remember, though, that she was good at everything I wasn't - she was spontaneous, charismatic, and knew how to get along with anyone and everyone she met. I didn't feel like I was interesting enough for her; everyone liked her, what could she possibly like in me?

    We started talking more and more, but I always had the feeling of uncertainty, of not knowing where I stood; people always said we looked good together, which wasn't important to me since I didn't even know how she felt. At times, I felt like she was genuinely interested, at others, I wondered whether I was just seeing something that wasn't there. It started affecting me a lot on the inside, and I let it build up until March, after the Spring Musical. I resigned myself to just let it all go, to close her off completely. Long story short, I ended up hurting her, and made her cry (as she says, anyway). We had a long talk, and I think I secretly wanted her to tell me either how she felt, or at least give me closure. Neither happened, and she and I basically agreed to keep things the way we were and see where it takes us. This didn't give me any sort of the relief or clarity that I wanted.

    She confuses me to no end, sometimes. I hardly talked to her for the next couple months because of what happened; it was too awkward. We started talking more often, and out of nowhere she asks me to sing in the talent show with her. She wanted to sing "Heaven" by Bryan Adams and, of course, I reluctantly agreed. We sang, and I started hanging out with her until a week after school ended. After that, we stopped talking for the whole summer.

    Junior year starts, and we don't talk much, thinking that maybe it's finally done with. Again, somehow, she gets me to start talking to her again, asking me to sing "A Whole New World" from Aladdin with her for the fall talent show. A part of me agrees, with the other half wondering why she asked, and why I consented... Apparently, our performance made people cry, that we're so cute together, that we should go out, blah blah blah. Everyone seems to think we're going out... It's ridiculous. The director for the musical plans to give us the leads for Cinderella.

    Fast forward to now, and I feel divided. Part of me wants to talk to her, to be around her, and another part of me wants to just let it all end. It makes me so uncomfortable sometimes. I like how she introduces variety to my life - I got involved in a lot of activities primarily because of her; she brought my talents to the surface. She always finds a way to get me to talk to her, no matter how much I tell myself I shouldn't. She's definitely changed me. I'm always drawn in... but our relationship's so hot and cold. I figure that, because of the way we are, nothing will ever happen. Am I wrong?

    Alright, that's all I needed to say.
    Thank god for forums, I would never get myself to tell a friend this kind of crap.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Default View Post
    Thank god for forums, I would never get myself to tell a friend this kind of crap.



    LII-Ne

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    Make a move already!

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    the thing is, what you do probably won't matter as the chance you are going to be really close after high school probably isn't so high.

    It's easy to over think stuff and, esp in high school, what goes on there / at that time in your life seems SO important, so all encompasing. I wouldn't worry about it too much, honestly. Do whatever you feel like, take a chance if you get a chance.
    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

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    Thank god for forums, I would never get myself to tell a friend this kind of crap.
    That made my day.

    Well, don't put too much pressure on yourself. Just stay friends with her and live your life how you want. Believe me, you never know what will happen.

    I have an SLI friend I've known for 10 years. I was never attracted to him. Even our friendship was sort of crazy. I hadn't spoken to him in 3 years, but we spent a week together recently, and all of a sudden I noticed him. Apparently he was thinking the same thing, because he decided to just kiss me - totally out of the blue.. Caused quite a mental train wreck at the time... but I've kinda warmed up to the idea. Sooo... we'll see what happens...

    *sigh* This is so memory-lane for me. I feel head-over-heels for an SLI in 8th grade too, literally the minute I laid eyes on him...except I was insanely shy in high school, and so was he. We never spoke - being attractive, he was co-opted by the alpha/beta girls, even though they don't get him at all, and he spent most of his time rolling his eyes at the Fe. I was a nerdy art girl. He came up and talked to me once, because we were both in an art class with none of our friends. He was so scared to talk to me he was shaking. But I couldn't think of anything to say to him... We never spoke again, except for a "Hi" once in a while. Sometimes I wonder if he liked me, though. I remember he asked for two of my senior photos.. kinda strange considering we never talked.

    BUT he's 30 and married now.. I think to an SEE.

    Relax. You're only 17. You have a pleeeeenty of time.
    IEE

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    Quote Originally Posted by tiny_dancer View Post
    I have an SLI friend I've known for 10 years. I was never attracted to him. Even our friendship was sort of crazy. I hadn't spoken to him in 3 years, but we spent a week together recently, and all of a sudden I noticed him. Apparently he was thinking the same thing, because he decided to just kiss me - totally out of the blue.. Caused quite a mental train wreck at the time... but I've kinda warmed up to the idea. Sooo... we'll see what happens...
    Seems like a lot of IEEs (and obviously EIIs) are just waiting for stuff like that to happen. Someone to actually indicate attraction.

    Heh.
    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

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    General advice:

    There is only one life. If you don't take the chance, you'll regret it forever.
    [] | NP | 3[6w5]8 so/sp | Type thread | My typing of forum members | Johari (Strengths) | Nohari (Weaknesses)

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    I did not read any of this, but I feel your hurt.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Wrong Way Ticket View Post
    Make a move already!
    Makes sense.
    But...
    Something within me won't allow it.

    Quote Originally Posted by Ryu View Post
    the thing is, what you do probably won't matter as the chance you are going to be really close after high school probably isn't so high.

    It's easy to over think stuff and, esp in high school, what goes on there / at that time in your life seems SO important, so all encompasing. I wouldn't worry about it too much, honestly. Do whatever you feel like, take a chance if you get a chance.
    That's true.
    I don't really worry about it as much as it seems like I do. These are really the core of my feelings, the emotions that come to the surface every now and then to bother me.

    Quote Originally Posted by mikemex View Post
    General advice:

    There is only one life. If you don't take the chance, you'll regret it forever.
    Regret? Not especially. There's plenty of things I should regret, but I don't. The way I see it, there isn't any use getting hung over things that have already happened... and that if it was meant to happen, it will.
    Naive, I know... But it's what I believe.

    Quote Originally Posted by tiny_dancer View Post
    That made my day.

    Well, don't put too much pressure on yourself. Just stay friends with her and live your life how you want. Believe me, you never know what will happen.
    You're welcome.

    That's what I've been trying to do up until now. She always manages to throw me off somehow.

    haha, it's fine if you didn't read it. It was my attempt to get it out of my system, which, unfortunately, hasn't really worked.

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    I dont know if your actually an SLI, but if you are and she is indeed a dual that you find attractive, letting her go just like that would be one of the dumbest and most impractical things you could do.
    <Crispy> what subt doesnt understand is that a healthy reaction to "FUCK YOU" is and not

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    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

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    maybe part of you know you're not ready? For a real relationship or whatever? So maybe that's why you feel ok with holding yourself back and not taking the risk. Nothing wrong w/ that...we do things when we're ready for them.

    She probably feels the same hot/cold thing from you. It's up to you to move it forward, but if you don't it's ok. You have time to become ready for such things.

    Good luck!
    Hi! I'm an ENFP. :-)

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    I had a situation over the summer where I was really crushing on an IEE I'd known for a while. We've always been friends, but I had plenty of chances to go further. I thought about going further. But I didn't. I realized we'd be parting ways for a little bit (or possibly indefinitely - important ways like grad school and different countries), and that was ultimately what made me not act on anything - why start something you wouldn't be able to finish? That kind of thinking.

    In retrospect, I feel like I made the right choice. Our valuable friendship is still in tact, and there are still opportunities for me to pursue things romantically with her if i want to.

    I listened to my gut/mind and beliefs about relationships, as opposed to just my 'heart', as in wanting emotional attachment or relationships, or listening to my testes, which were highly motivated at the prospects of me being physical with her.

    Although it was difficult, I'm happy with my choice.
    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ryu View Post
    I had a situation over the summer where I was really crushing on an IEE I'd known for a while. We've always been friends, but I had plenty of chances to go further. I thought about going further. But I didn't. I realized we'd be parting ways for a little bit (or possibly indefinitely - important ways like grad school and different countries), and that was ultimately what made me not act on anything - why start something you wouldn't be able to finish? That kind of thinking.

    In retrospect, I feel like I made the right choice. Our valuable friendship is still in tact, and there are still opportunities for me to pursue things romantically with her if i want to.

    I listened to my gut/mind and beliefs about relationships, as opposed to just my 'heart', as in wanting emotional attachment or relationships, or listening to my testes, which were highly motivated at the prospects of me being physical with her.

    Although it was difficult, I'm happy with my choice.
    You're really cool Ryu.

    Topaz
    The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness.

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    Quote Originally Posted by thePirate View Post
    I dont know if your actually an SLI, but if you are and she is indeed a dual that you find attractive, letting her go just like that would be one of the dumbest and most impractical things you could do.
    Well... I'm definitely Ip temperament and valuing. IxTp, at the very least.

    Dumbest and most impractical? How so?
    I'm not of the belief that duality is the be all and end all of relationships. Theoretically, it works out... but in practice, external factors come into play.
    Enlighten me.

    Quote Originally Posted by jewels View Post
    maybe part of you know you're not ready? For a real relationship or whatever? So maybe that's why you feel ok with holding yourself back and not taking the risk. Nothing wrong w/ that...we do things when we're ready for them.

    She probably feels the same hot/cold thing from you. It's up to you to move it forward, but if you don't it's ok. You have time to become ready for such things.

    Good luck!
    Haha, definitely a possibility...
    Maybe you understand me more than I understand myself. Now that I think about it, I don't think I'm emotionally mature enough for a serious relationship.

    Maybe. She doesn't seem to do much about it, though... Oh well.
    Thanks.

    Quote Originally Posted by Ryu View Post
    I had a situation over the summer where I was really crushing on an IEE I'd known for a while. We've always been friends, but I had plenty of chances to go further. I thought about going further. But I didn't. I realized we'd be parting ways for a little bit (or possibly indefinitely - important ways like grad school and different countries), and that was ultimately what made me not act on anything - why start something you wouldn't be able to finish? That kind of thinking.

    In retrospect, I feel like I made the right choice. Our valuable friendship is still in tact, and there are still opportunities for me to pursue things romantically with her if i want to.

    I listened to my gut/mind and beliefs about relationships, as opposed to just my 'heart', as in wanting emotional attachment or relationships, or listening to my testes, which were highly motivated at the prospects of me being physical with her.

    Although it was difficult, I'm happy with my choice.
    That's a little comforting.
    I guess I'll listen to my gut and see where this all takes me.
    Question is, did you leave her hanging? Was she looking for more only to find nothing happen?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Default View Post
    That's a little comforting.
    I guess I'll listen to my gut and see where this all takes me.
    Question is, did you leave her hanging? Was she looking for more only to find nothing happen?
    No, I don't really think she was "looking" for more. But would she have been receptive, possibly. We both are attracted to each other, we've verbally acknowledged this.


    You, just like I did, have to realize there are some things you don't really know; there's only so much information you can know at the same time.

    Stressing out over possibilities and alternate realities doesn't help you any.
    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Default View Post
    Well... I'm definitely Ip temperament and valuing. IxTp, at the very least.

    Dumbest and most impractical? How so?
    I'm not of the belief that duality is the be all and end all of relationships. Theoretically, it works out... but in practice, external factors come into play.
    Enlighten me.
    yeah, external factors do come into play, but if you really want to meet your dual and make it work, its achievable. I have multiple duals in my life now, compared to not even knowing what one was or knowing what one was like just a year or two ago. people on here take too much of a passive approach IME.

    yeah man, I will say that duality is abit idealized around here. from experience, duals won't always turn out to be everything you hoped they would be. finding them is not always easy either. you have found one that your attracted to, who likes you, who you like, your already in a position to be envied around here.

    I will say this from experience, having a dual in my life has greatly improved the quality of my own well-being as well as had a ripple effect on other factors of my life. Having someone who deeply appreciates you for who you are, and you them, that stabilizes you, that understands you on a level most others can't even begin to comprehend, its just an incomparable, mind boggling experience that I believe everyone NEEDS to experience at least once in their life.

    Letting go of something, that in quite honesty, would probably VASTLY improve all areas of your life(in a very very pleasureable way mind you) just doesnt seem like the smart thing to do. Especially if, IMO, you don't even have a good reason for it. It's just silliness man. And you will regret it, maybe not conciously, but this post is a cry for help.

    So if you are my dual, my advice is go for it. Your much better off having done that, than any other scenario. If you and her are duals, its pretty much a done deal anyway.

    If I was too vague and you want more specifics, feel free to PM.
    <Crispy> what subt doesnt understand is that a healthy reaction to "FUCK YOU" is and not

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    Quote Originally Posted by Default View Post
    That's a little comforting.
    I guess I'll listen to my gut and see where this all takes me.
    Question is, did you leave her hanging? Was she looking for more only to find nothing happen?
    No, I don't really think she was "looking" for more. But would she have been receptive, possibly. We both are attracted to each other, we've verbally acknowledged this.


    You, just like I did, have to realize there are some things you don't really know; there's only so much information you can know at the same time.

    Stressing out over possibilities and alternate realities doesn't help you any.
    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

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