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Thread: Why would an IEI/INFp go off on a mid life drinking binge?

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    Blaze's Avatar
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    Default Why would an IEI/INFp go off on a mid life drinking binge?

    riddle me that people. because she, has GONE OFF THE DEEP END. drinking every day. hiding alcohol. disappearing. lying. all at the magic age of 40.

    what is the infp relationship to alcohol? and, how does infp handle developmental crisis?

    ILE

    those who are easily shocked.....should be shocked more often

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    not sure bout it.


    anyways. I used drink just for fun being so fucked up. i think it was pretty clear that one girl pointing out that to me, sorta emotionally, but really reserverd, helped me a little bit at least. and that shit about how alcohol degrades the actual help of alcohol in a long run - that's just too sad to hear. you know that thing - you get drunk, a week later you will need more, cuz the body and the alcohol works that way, blah blah bla..


    but I still want to drink... my both grand fathers were into heavy drinking..hm

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    I can't stand alcohol, I prefer drugs, but I would imagine my dual would like alcohol, just a guess.
    EIE tritype 5w4, 4w5, 9w1


    As far as we can discern, the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Blaze View Post
    riddle me that people. because she, has GONE OFF THE DEEP END. drinking every day. hiding alcohol. disappearing. lying. all at the magic age of 40.

    what is the infp relationship to alcohol? and, how does infp handle developmental crisis?
    40 is past mid life. mid life is 30.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Diana View Post
    Depends on your lifespan. Average is close to 80 in the US nowadays.
    they keep them alive to serve no purpose leading to over crowding.

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    Quote Originally Posted by mercutio View Post
    they keep them alive to serve no purpose leading to over crowding.
    Yeah, they should just make a maximum age for living.
    3w4-5w6-9w8

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    Have you ever seen the movie Logan's Run?
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    Quote Originally Posted by Blaze View Post
    riddle me that people. because she, has GONE OFF THE DEEP END. drinking every day. hiding alcohol. disappearing. lying. all at the magic age of 40.

    what is the infp relationship to alcohol? and, how does infp handle developmental crisis?
    Personally, I do like to use smallish amounts of alcohol for fun and forgetting my problems temporarily but every day? uh, no. She sounds depressed? I think IEIs can go off the deep end if they've been repressing feelings over time and they can't tolerate hiding it anymore, so it comes out in these sorts of desperate actions. (just a guess) but I'm really thinking it's not related to type.
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    Quote Originally Posted by redbaron View Post
    Personally, I do like to use smallish amounts of alcohol for fun and forgetting my problems temporarily but every day? uh, no. She sounds depressed? I think IEIs can go off the deep end if they've been repressing feelings over time and they can't tolerate hiding it anymore, so it comes out in these sorts of desperate actions. (just a guess) but I'm really thinking it's not related to type.
    I'd say not related to type, but still related to what you described.



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    Quote Originally Posted by Blaze View Post
    riddle me that people. because she, has GONE OFF THE DEEP END. drinking every day. hiding alcohol. disappearing. lying. all at the magic age of 40.

    what is the infp relationship to alcohol? and, how does infp handle developmental crisis?
    This is a great question, we should put her life under the microscope and examine it.....

    I'll use Enneagram/Socionics/Kiersey/Temperment and typical crap

    Answer these questions.....

    1) Can you give a description of her behavior/personality in non-technical terms

    2) What do you know about the current events of her life

    3) What do you know about her youth

    4) What enneagram type is she

    5) What Socionics type is she

    6) What Kiersey Temperment is she (Guardian/Rational/Idealist/Artisan)

    7) Is there any guesses as to what triggered the drinking

    8) How do you know her, what is your relationship with her

    Attempt each of these question and I'll give you my synopisis/analysis of the situation

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    Quote Originally Posted by Blaze View Post
    riddle me that people. because she, has GONE OFF THE DEEP END. drinking every day. hiding alcohol. disappearing. lying. all at the magic age of 40.

    what is the infp relationship to alcohol? and, how does infp handle developmental crisis?
    In my view, IEIs are able to navigate, to adapt to every situation and this gives them a silly approach sometimes. She might be thinking that she can handle alcohol, she can control it... and this is not possible because it has a biological component that is too important.

    My father died this summer due to complication in a liver cancer induced by too much alcohol. I know how bad it can be.

    The way I view IEIs handling a crisis is by dying. She needs to die for herself and be reborn for some greater thing. Giving is such a pleasant experience for an IEI that if you can get her having few conscious giving sessions, you might hook her on it.

    Think about spiraling... right not she is spiraling down: isolation, depression, anesthesia via alcohol, isolation, depression, etc.

    To help her, induce an upward spiral: giving, communion/interconnectedness, meaning, more giving, more interconnectedness, more meaning.

    Here is a link with a small story that might give you some more insight:
    Get out of bad moods with this technique.

    Here is a link to a depression online therapy program (free registration):
    http://ecouch.anu.edu.au/
    "What is love?"
    "The total absence of fear," said the Master.
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    "Love," said the Master.

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    Wow. Not everything is type related. Socionics does not explains the reasons for every person's actions, I'm sorry.
    ﴾ لَهُمْ دَارُ السَّلاَمِ عِندَ رَبِّهِمْ وَهُوَ وَلِيُّهُمْ بِمَا كَانُواْ يَعْمَلُونَ ﴿
    "When you see an evil act you have to stop it with your hand.
    If you can't, then at least speak out against it with your tongue.
    If you can't, then at least you have to hate it with all your heart.
    And this is the weakest of faith."

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    Hiding booze is basically the biggest red flag for alcoholism that I can think of. This has nothing to do with being IEI; she needs help.
    But, for a certainty, back then,
    We loved so many, yet hated so much,
    We hurt others and were hurt ourselves...

    Yet even then, we ran like the wind,
    Whilst our laughter echoed,
    Under cerulean skies...

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    In my view, IEIs are able to navigate, to adapt to every situation and this gives them a silly approach sometimes. She might be thinking that she can handle alcohol, she can control it... and this is not possible because it has a biological component that is too important.

    My father died this summer due to complication in a liver cancer induced by too much alcohol. I know how bad it can be.

    yes. i am sorry about your dad. that's no way to die. i have been in recovery for 19 years now...i know how i was when i was drinking...horrible to put other people through it.

    The way I view IEIs handling a crisis is by dying. She needs to die for herself and be reborn for some greater thing. Giving is such a pleasant experience for an IEI that if you can get her having few conscious giving sessions, you might hook her on it.

    Think about spiraling... right not she is spiraling down: isolation, depression, anesthesia via alcohol, isolation, depression, etc.

    you are on to something here. not sure about the giving part but i think she is trying to make something die. i would say she has been a giving person all along...i am not sure this would jolt her out of anything... but perhaps the right person at the right time could make a difference.
    thanks sigma...you are on track with what i am looking for here. why would infp choose this way? this way of slowing making something die? what motivates that?
    Last edited by Blaze; 11-13-2009 at 11:57 PM.

    ILE

    those who are easily shocked.....should be shocked more often

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    This is a great question, we should put her life under the microscope and examine it.....

    I'll use Enneagram/Socionics/Kiersey/Temperment and typical crap

    Answer these questions.....

    1) Can you give a description of her behavior/personality in non-technical terms

    i do not know her that well...only well enough to deduce her type. she is my ex husband's current wife.

    2) What do you know about the current events of her life

    she got married to him two months ago. after 3 years of drama with my ex. started drinking last xmas when her brother came to town and took her out.

    3) What do you know about her youth

    she is the pampered youngest of older parents. 3 older brothers one of whom hated her for being the favorite.

    4) What enneagram type is she

    prolly a 4.

    5) What Socionics type is she

    IEI for sure.

    6) What Kiersey Temperment is she (Guardian/Rational/Idealist/Artisan)

    idealist

    7) Is there any guesses as to what triggered the drinking

    it is said that she is jealous of the attention my ex husband would give to our children.

    8) How do you know her, what is your relationship with her

    my relationship with her has become cordial...but it took a long time to get to that.

    Attempt each of these question and I'll give you my synopisis/analysis of the situation
    ok so... hmmmm....

    ILE

    those who are easily shocked.....should be shocked more often

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    Hiding booze is basically the biggest red flag for alcoholism that I can think of. This has nothing to do with being IEI; she needs help.
    as she is a mental health professional herself, and from what i understand, she was quite skilled at getting out of such help in the psych e/r. you are right quite clearly she has a problem.....though i wonder in general terms how infp looks at alcohol. what do you think?

    Wow. Not everything is type related. Socionics does not explains the reasons for every person's actions, I'm sorry.


    i realize that. i am looking for the socionics explanation alongside all the other explanations which are likely much more salient. what do you think is important about a socionics explanation?

    I can't stand alcohol, I prefer drugs, but I would imagine my dual would like alcohol, just a guess.
    why do you think that morcheeba? are you saying that different types are attracted to different substances? interesting.....

    Personally, I do like to use smallish amounts of alcohol for fun and forgetting my problems temporarily but every day? uh, no. She sounds depressed? I think IEIs can go off the deep end if they've been repressing feelings over time and they can't tolerate hiding it anymore, so it comes out in these sorts of desperate actions. (just a guess)
    wow this sounds pretty compelling...can you say a little more?

    Duality
    gotta love krae...snap you're right there dude

    ILE

    those who are easily shocked.....should be shocked more often

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    Duality... hmph. well I have no sympathy for her there, given that she IS with her dual.
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    yes. and my kids are suffering. they thought she cared.

    ILE

    those who are easily shocked.....should be shocked more often

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    Quote Originally Posted by Blaze View Post
    yes. and my kids are suffering. they thought she cared.
    I am really mad at her.
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    Quote Originally Posted by redbaron View Post
    Personally, I do like to use smallish amounts of alcohol for fun and forgetting my problems temporarily but every day? uh, no. She sounds depressed? I think IEIs can go off the deep end if they've been repressing feelings over time and they can't tolerate hiding it anymore, so it comes out in these sorts of desperate actions. (just a guess)
    well I guess I'm thinking that since IEIs tend to go with the flow, it might be easier for them to tolerate things at first that eventually are going to come back to haunt them. I mean, if there's something about your life that isn't right and you know it, but you choose to ignore it to keep the peace or whatever. Then eventually you can't stand it anymore, it can cause depression and/or acting out with things like drinking. Might be a common mid-life problem. life just catches up with you and if you don't (or can't) face the issues head-on, you could end up in trouble one way or another.
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    Quote Originally Posted by redbaron View Post
    well I guess I'm thinking that since IEIs tend to go with the flow, it might be easier for them to tolerate things at first that eventually are going to come back to haunt them. I mean, if there's something about your life that isn't right and you know it, but you choose to ignore it to keep the peace or whatever. Then eventually you can't stand it anymore, it can cause depression and/or acting out with things like drinking. Might be a common mid-life problem. life just catches up with you and if you don't (or can't) face the issues head-on, you could end up in trouble one way or another.
    that's what i was thinking kind of a mad mad mad midlife crisis. like, the whole thing just came cascading down. wow.

    midlife is such a bitch.

    got this from somewhere awhile ago:


    ILE

    those who are easily shocked.....should be shocked more often

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    Quote Originally Posted by redbaron View Post
    I am really mad at her.

    i know my heart was breaking for my kids...they got the full support treatment...then the toughen up this is the real world treatment. kills me....

    ILE

    those who are easily shocked.....should be shocked more often

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    Quote Originally Posted by Diana View Post
    Well, there's your answer. She married your ex husband!

    black ESI humor i love it!

    I don't know, she's probably depressed about something. Maybe suffering from a sort of buyer's remorse since the wedding was recent -- you know a kind of "what the hell did I do?" sort of thing. Or maybe something entirely different - maybe her brother brought her bad news, and she's been stressing over that. ??
    yes this is quite practical...perhaps something happened in her family, athough i did not hear about anything. my ex left her this week.

    ILE

    those who are easily shocked.....should be shocked more often

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    She probably still cares. Alcoholism is a major bitch.

    Your ex left her??
    “Let us forget with generosity those who cannot love us”
    ― Pablo Neruda

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    hey kim yeah he left her. she'd been going on drinking binges ever since last christmas. they just got married over labor day, too. he moved out this week, found an apartment, and the kids helped him move stuff on veterans day. done deal from what i can tell.

    ILE

    those who are easily shocked.....should be shocked more often

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    Quote Originally Posted by Blaze View Post
    why would infp choose this way? this way of slowing making something die? what motivates that?
    When we do something is seldom a true "choice". In order to choose you have to be at least partially awake. And we are not awake.

    Most of the time we are the slaves of our habits. She just has bad habits, bad masters.

    Trying to run away from something is quite ineffective. In order to have at least partial success you have to run away towards something else. And this involves change, choice, different thinking habits. This is very hard.

    She might be trying to kill something (run away from something) and by doing this... she might give it even more force. This is why I spoke about the other spiral. About choosing to do something else.... even it at first she might need assistance in doing this.
    "What is love?"
    "The total absence of fear," said the Master.
    "What is it we fear?"
    "Love," said the Master.

    I chose Love

  29. #29
    Creepy-male

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    Quote Originally Posted by Blaze View Post
    ok so... hmmmm....
    Given what you've put here, I think the most likely explanation of this all comes down to the following....

    I think shes probably reverting to alcoholism to deal with the stress of her newfound responsibility as a mother.... maybe initially she like the idea of marrying some guy and having kids but I know that in reality it requires a ton of work and she probably feels a little confined in her circumstances, so she escapes by alcoholism.

    This is more likely since she is enneagram 4, if she was an 8 -- I would be inclined to say she does it because she doesn't know how to limit herself and has a personality which is lustful and easyily addicted to self-medicating behavior. However she is a 4 and therefore I find it more likely that she is using alcohol as a form of escapism, in light of the fact of her newfound motherhood likely being the most obvious and significant recent change in her life its probably a reaction to this.

    The thing is, if this IEI is past their 20's I'd think this wasn't the first time they've had problems with this, its probably a sore topic for her and probably something she feels drawn into to reconnect with her emotions and have release from the stress surrounding her "trapped in" life. My guess is if you were to dig deep, you'de probably discover incidences of her use of alcohol in her past. Thats why I asked about her past, because it may reveal what her triggers are for going to alcohol.

    I think that enneagram type 4's have this prevalent theme of wanting to attract a rescuer.... it comes from their over identification with their own problems through intense idenitifcation with their emotions and moods, they desire another person to help them through these. This is why I think putting more indirect pressure on her and hoping it will make her quit will only drive her alcoholism deeper, she needs intervention I personally think, it will show people care and it will force her to quit, it may be helpful to figure out if this is her first problem with it, if she is a 4 and an IEI with dominant its likely she'll be vary aware of the big picture on a large time scale of her life and her behavior and I can imagine that if this were the case its probably a major failing she has.

    It sucks this is your ex-husbands wife and your kids are being exposed to this, it will paint your intentions as possibly being jealous and may bring up old drama I'd imagine. I think if you approach the situation from the standpoint of your kids and the fact alcoholism isn't healthy for anyone and just go with it, people may misperceive your motives at first, but on enough following through will realize your true intent.

    I think sigma gives good advice on what she herself will need to do to overcome it.

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    Blaze's Avatar
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    thanks for your thoughts everybody. i can't really help this woman it's totally not my place. i hate to say it but i don't really want to either since the law of karma applies. my kids are safe since my ex left. i am sure he will start to experience the reality of single fatherhood, which he knows nothing about since she has been helping him since we broke up.

    so if anything i am concerned about his stress level and mental state. even though the law of karma applies here too. and about how his state might then affect the kids.

    i'm saying concerned but that just translates into watching things closely which i do anyway. things will be fine because i'll just handle it. my relationship with my kids is quite strong (they are incidentally also both alphas).

    infpman says their web of lies became too much of a burden to bear. a relationship built on a foundation of lies is no good. i imagine he could be right. i don't think infp would do well in those conditions, nor anybody really.

    i told my ex this or something like it would happen 3 1/2 years ago. sometimes i hate it when i can see so clearly yet can do nothing to change anything. what good is intuition when you can't convince anybody?

    ILE

    those who are easily shocked.....should be shocked more often

  31. #31
    Creepy-male

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    Quote Originally Posted by Blaze View Post
    sometimes i hate it when i can see so clearly yet can do nothing to change anything. what good is intuition when you can't convince anybody?
    Learn jedi mind tricks


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