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Thread: SLIs-ISTps getting tired after prolonged emotional contact

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    Default SLIs-ISTps getting tired after prolonged emotional contact

    I have read that SLIs grow tired following "long-term emotional contact," and I have observed it as well. And in a weird way, I even like it [which I may go into later].

    In the meantime I have some questions for you wily SLIs:
    - What do you consider long-term emotional contact?
    - I'm assuming you're more likely to feel drained after hanging out w people you don't click with... is this the case, or do you feel drained after hanging out w most people regardless of how well you get along?
    - What are some examples of times you have felt worn-out emotionally or situations that would make you feel that way?
    - How long do you typically need to recharge?
    - What do you do during your recharging time... do you think about other things altogether, or do you spend time reflecting specifically on the situation? Or both....
    - Etc., etc., etc...,

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    This is an interesting topic and I'm curious to see the replies!

    I wanted to add that I also feel the need to "re-charge" after a long time spent w/ someone/s. Even if they're really compatible, I like to have some alone time to do nothing and not think about anything basically.

    Could be yet another reason for the duality w/ SLI and IEE.

    With the SLI I'm dating now, I don't even feel the need to be clingy or even contact him, since he's made things really clear. I think for IEEs, once you know they like you, and have that Fi-relationship status clear, it doesn't matter as much if you spend every minute together. Where as, when you're trying to figure out the Fi status, then everything becomes super important and I think that's where we start to contact them more and worry, etc.

    That means I don't have to waste my usual time worrying about the Fi status of our relationship.
    Hi! I'm an ENFP. :-)

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    Quote Originally Posted by jewels View Post
    I wanted to add that I also feel the need to "re-charge" after a long time spent w/ someone/s. Even if they're really compatible, I like to have some alone time to do nothing and not think about anything basically.
    Hey Jewel. Is that a common Socionic ENFp thing where you have to re-charge. I have read that it is true for ENFp Meyer briggs, I have to do that as well and I think I might be a ENFp in Meyers briggs. Not to derail this thread tho.
    (D)IEE~FI-(C)SLE~Ni E-5w4(Sp/Sx)/7w8(So/Sp)/9w1(sp/sx)

    Quote Originally Posted by Jarno View Post
    1)
    A girl who I want to date, asks me: well first tell me how tall you are?
    My reply: well I will answer that, if you first tell me how much you weigh!

    2)
    A girl I was dating said she was oh so great at sex etc, but she didn't do blowjobs.
    My reply: Oh I'm really romantic etc, I just will never take you out to dinner.

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    @SoS, I'm glad to see it's the same for you! we seem to be twins on this topic!

    Quote Originally Posted by 07490 View Post
    Hey Jewel. Is that a common Socionic ENFp thing where you have to re-charge. I have read that it is true for ENFp Meyer briggs, I have to do that as well and I think I might be a ENFp in Meyers briggs. Not to derail this thread tho.
    Yeah I have read that ENFps need time alone to re-charge and we are one of the most introvert-seeming extroverts. I've noticed this is ENFps I know also.

    However, my sister is ENFj and she also does the alone thing and would take a huge stack of books into her room and read for days sometimes. So I don't think it's exclusive to ENFps .
    Hi! I'm an ENFP. :-)

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    Quote Originally Posted by jewels View Post
    @SoS, I'm glad to see it's the same for you! we seem to be twins on this topic!



    Yeah I have read that ENFps need time alone to re-charge and we are one of the most introvert-seeming extroverts. I've noticed this is ENFps I know also.

    However, my sister is ENFj and she also does the alone thing and would take a huge stack of books into her room and read for days sometimes. So I don't think it's exclusive to ENFps .
    I think it is more about needing to "center" yourself after social Interaction, to not lose your identity sort of speak, a little bit different from taking part of introversion activity.
    (D)IEE~FI-(C)SLE~Ni E-5w4(Sp/Sx)/7w8(So/Sp)/9w1(sp/sx)

    Quote Originally Posted by Jarno View Post
    1)
    A girl who I want to date, asks me: well first tell me how tall you are?
    My reply: well I will answer that, if you first tell me how much you weigh!

    2)
    A girl I was dating said she was oh so great at sex etc, but she didn't do blowjobs.
    My reply: Oh I'm really romantic etc, I just will never take you out to dinner.

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    Quote Originally Posted by SoapOfSapphire View Post
    - What do you consider long-term emotional contact?
    Nothing but long-term emotional contact.
    Quote Originally Posted by SoapOfSapphire View Post
    - I'm assuming you're more likely to feel drained after hanging out w people you don't click with... is this the case, or do you feel drained after hanging out w most people regardless of how well you get along?
    The first one is truer.

    Quote Originally Posted by SoapOfSapphire View Post
    - What are some examples of times you have felt worn-out emotionally or situations that would make you feel that way?
    Anything that would require prolonged emotional involvement.

    Quote Originally Posted by SoapOfSapphire View Post
    - How long do you typically need to recharge?
    Economic fluctuations are irregular and unpredictable. Fluctuations in the economy are often called the business cycle. These fluctuations do not follow regular or easily predictable patterns.

    Quote Originally Posted by SoapOfSapphire View Post
    - What do you do during your recharging time... do you think about other things altogether, or do you spend time reflecting specifically on the situation? Or both....
    Usually both.

    Quote Originally Posted by SoapOfSapphire View Post
    - Etc., etc., etc...,
    Definitely.
    “Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”

    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly
    You've done yourself a huge favor developmentally by mustering the balls to do something really fucking scary... in about the most vulnerable situation possible.

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    Quote Originally Posted by SoapOfSapphire View Post
    I have read that SLIs grow tired following "long-term emotional contact," and I have observed it as well. And in a weird way, I even like it [which I may go into later].

    In the meantime I have some questions for you wily SLIs:
    Sure sure, I'll bite. If only cuz my brain is mush at the moment:

    - What do you consider long-term emotional contact?
    Could be anything. Depends on the terms.... like are we talking about:
    1 day? Then it'd be like 4 hours.
    Over a period of days? Then it'd be 3-4 days out of a week

    - I'm assuming you're more likely to feel drained after hanging out w people you don't click with... is this the case, or do you feel drained after hanging out w most people regardless of how well you get along?
    No, I feel very drained with people I don't click with. I think it's normal.


    - What are some examples of times you have felt worn-out emotionally or situations that would make you feel that way?
    Right now! Um, I guess relationship wise, i'd feel drained anytime a few particular people have overstayed their welcome... Or, to be more specific, I know this girl who nags at me constantly, she's a damn whiner, so everytime she practically walks in the room I can feel fucking sleepy.

    - How long do you typically need to recharge?
    A few days.


    - What do you do during your recharging time... do you think about other things altogether, or do you spend time reflecting specifically on the situation? Or both....

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    I try to resist answering these type-specific questions because I think we're all different and I can't speak for all the SLI's out there...but somehow I always manage to answer them. So, I'm doing it again.

    - What do you consider long-term emotional contact?
    ?

    - I'm assuming you're more likely to feel drained after hanging out w people you don't click with... is this the case, or do you feel drained after hanging out w most people regardless of how well you get along?
    -I can't handle being around people I don't click with. I get very irritated and uneasy and try to exit ASAP. I usually know within the first few minutes how we'll get along. People I click with, I still get drained but to a much, much lesser extent. After about 5 hours, please get away from me.


    - What are some examples of times you have felt worn-out emotionally or situations that would make you feel that way?
    -BEING AROUND BETA'S. Anyone who is constantly picking and proding and being loud and obnoxious and trying to get me to "open up" more.

    - How long do you typically need to recharge?
    -A good few hrs or a day of solitude.

    - What do you do during your recharging time... do you think about other things altogether, or do you spend time reflecting specifically on the situation? Or both....
    -I just do things alone. Go for a drive, go shopping, sleep, watch movies...I don't care to reflect on the situation much.

    -at what point do you consider that the bond is solid between you and another person [I doubt there's a "rule" for this;
    -I don't ever REALLY feel it.

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    Quote Originally Posted by jessica129 View Post
    I try to resist answering these type-specific questions because I think we're all different and I can't speak for all the SLI's out there...but somehow I always manage to answer them. So, I'm doing it again.

    - What do you consider long-term emotional contact?
    ?

    - I'm assuming you're more likely to feel drained after hanging out w people you don't click with... is this the case, or do you feel drained after hanging out w most people regardless of how well you get along?
    -I can't handle being around people I don't click with. I get very irritated and uneasy and try to exit ASAP. I usually know within the first few minutes how we'll get along. People I click with, I still get drained but to a much, much lesser extent. After about 5 hours, please get away from me.


    - What are some examples of times you have felt worn-out emotionally or situations that would make you feel that way?
    -BEING AROUND BETA'S. Anyone who is constantly picking and proding and being loud and obnoxious and trying to get me to "open up" more.

    - How long do you typically need to recharge?
    -A good few hrs or a day of solitude.

    - What do you do during your recharging time... do you think about other things altogether, or do you spend time reflecting specifically on the situation? Or both....
    -I just do things alone. Go for a drive, go shopping, sleep, watch movies...I don't care to reflect on the situation much.

    -at what point do you consider that the bond is solid between you and another person [I doubt there's a "rule" for this;
    -I don't ever REALLY feel it.
    I can relate to Jessica's answers. It's as if the rest of the world is just a play or a movie. After a few hours, no matter how good the show, I'm ready to be done. I can come back later for the sequel, but who can sit through anything for more than 5 hours and not want an intermission?
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    Quote Originally Posted by jessica129 View Post
    - What do you do during your recharging time... do you think about other things altogether, or do you spend time reflecting specifically on the situation? Or both....
    -I just do things alone. Go for a drive, go shopping, sleep, watch movies...I don't care to reflect on the situation much.
    IMO, this is a great example of a delta NF posing a question that is 'of their own nature' - reflection oriented, analytical, wondering, etc....

    ...and the ST not being that way at all.

    I think this is reassuring sometimes to delta NFs that someone is so uncomplicated in that way, but, sometimes NFs still make things more complicated than they are. And similarly, sometimes STs don't realize how complicated things actually are, even though they would 'prefer' them not to be; even though in their own world things are more just a matter of regulation (I can't think of a better word for what I'm trying to address with Si), and what to do (what to focus on or be productive towards with Te).

    I'm trying to explain one of the interesting thing that balances out but can also create conflict, especially at the early stages of a relationship where the two don't really know each other. Like for me, I have my own, similar rational version of this, but, there are sticking points in the first stages because at times i'm not sure if the person really is the way I 'd like them to be, the way I'd like them to be so I can relax and not be concerned about whether they are or are not. Once all of that is established, things are more like how Jewels describes them.

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    Hmm. After hanging out with my family, my husband always has to take a nap. ALWAYS. And that's if I'm able to get him to hang out with my family in the first place. If not, he's probably at home taking a nap anyway, I suppose. But it isn't as necessary as if he's hung out with my family. He does get drained, and grouchy, after he's hung out with them. I just let him nap.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ryu View Post
    I think this is reassuring sometimes to delta NFs that someone is so uncomplicated in that way, but, sometimes NFs still make things more complicated than they are. And similarly, sometimes STs don't realize how complicated things actually are, even though they would 'prefer' them not to be; even though in their own world things are more just a matter of regulation (I can't think of a better word for what I'm trying to address with Si), and what to do (what to focus on or be productive towards with Te).
    I really can't describe the feeling when I see something that is complex and deep being treated as a trivial matter and shoved aside. On the other hand, it's not so hard for me to complicate things more than they should be, which really frustrates STs. I remember one time that an ST got so frustrated with me that he threatened to kill me (jokingly of course).

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ryu View Post
    IMO, this is a great example of a delta NF posing a question that is 'of their own nature' - reflection oriented, analytical, wondering, etc....

    ...and the ST not being that way at all.
    SLI's can't reflect on their thoughts?

    What are we, dolts? Reactionary?

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    Quote Originally Posted by LokiVanguard View Post
    SLI's can't reflect on their thoughts?

    What are we, dolts? Reactionary?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lobo View Post
    I really can't describe the feeling when I see something that is complex and deep being treated as a trivial matter and shoved aside. On the other hand, it's not so hard for me to complicate things more than they should be, which really frustrates STs. I remember one time that an ST got so frustrated with me that he threatened to kill me (jokingly of course).
    Sometimes EIIs just analyze to the point that they seem to be numb to actually going anywhere. Like they don't want to realize that there are some things that there is just no way to "think" more about something and have something come from it.

    Conversely, with myself, there are times when i want to just keep moving, going, running towards something, overly action oriented, and I don't want to sit down and think about it.

    I would fathom that, ideally, a dual pair would come to trust each other about when they should adopt their duals policies or vice versa. It's an interesting aspect of duality, particularly LSE-EII, it seems.

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