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Thread: being fake or keeping it real

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    Default being fake or keeping it real

    What type is most likely on occasions when they are out in a club to be blatanly rude to someone that comes up and starts flirting when you know they are the last person you want to conversate with/ I'm usually quite rude, while my friends will sit there and listen to their nonsense just for the sake of being nice, type related?

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    Come on, no one has an answer. I realize this doesn't necessarily have to be type related, but who would be the most comfortable behaving this way? Someone must know....

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    SEE comes to mind.

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    I am the most comfortable leaving the conversation, even if that is rude. I consider rude as picking on the person. I just would like to get out without troubling anyone. Sometimes I'll say something in real life because I know it is odd and I know people will be thinking how odd I am, and its fun. But I don't do this much. I'll even prefer saying something odd and unattractive to someone vs telling them off. It's easier for me and I'm not on bad terms with someone, they just keep their distance because they think I'm odd, not mean. Of course this happens naturally too, and what goes through my mind is "wow they were actually attracted to me at first, then they got to know my personality and how i talk. i blew it! lol." But I've had lots of success warding annoying unattractive girls off just by ignoring them. I'll talk to unattractive girls, all the time. Just not annoyingly smothering ones.

    Perhaps its is Beta that likes to be rude?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Morcheeba View Post
    What type is most likely on occasions when they are out in a club to be blatanly rude to someone that comes up and starts flirting when you know they are the last person you want to conversate with/ I'm usually quite rude, while my friends will sit there and listen to their nonsense just for the sake of being nice, type related?
    Here is a little tale to delight and intrigue:

    I was at a bar one time and approached a former coworker as she sat with her girlfriend. I used to have many conversations with her so I assumed she would remember me and be interested in catching up.

    I politely interrupted and said "hello, remember me?". She acted like she had never seen me before and I got a feeling that she thought I was giving her a pickup line. I felt like she was overtly condescending as she sipped her martini(I notice girls w/out much money tend to buy classy-looking drinks like martinis).

    Eventually I convinced her I worked with her because I informed her of the many facts of my case (such as telling her her name, where we worked, where she once planned on going to school, etc...). She played dumb.

    Now that I think back I suppose she went there hoping to meet 'Mr. Hot-Stuff' and I was getting in the way/was someone she did not care to see. I was not up to her standards so therefore not worth her time.

    In-the-end, whether-or-not she had really forgotten who I was, my opinion of her went from positive to negative. No one else talked to her that night as her and her girlfriend fell-back on one another, eventually leaving; just as shut-off as when they came in.

    I think it is always best to be polite because how we see/treat others ends up being how we are seen/treated. (Not that that was your question or anything.)

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    I'm really horrible with this kind of thing and can tie myself up in knots about it to some extent (it's a gift). For simple things like "table manners" and that kind of thing I'm mainly oblivious to all of it... I don't really notice what I'm doing or what others are doing and I don't care. If someone else seems to be overly focused on what I'm doing and disapproves of it though I might start over-focusing on it... and I will think that the other person is rude because they want to draw these boxes about it and I don't really want to be around people who want every little thing you do to be precisely some way because it drives me crazy and I only feel resentment towards them because I am trying to be myself and I can't do that if I have to concentrate on all of that stuff although I mean I can understand that everyone would hate it if rather than eating I spilled my food everywhere and made really loud disturbing noises (so within reason is what I mean... I would find that really horrible as well). But when someone seems to have a lot of nitpicky little things that I would have to do I often feel like it means they really don't care and that I'm not okay whatever way I am and I can't work with that because it means that they don't really like me. Anyway with these sorts of simple manners I sometimes say things like "I don't want to" and refuse and I don't think that I'm being rude by doing that; they are.

    Anyway I'm probably "fake" in situations where I don't really feel like talking to someone but I don't want to wreck things between us either... My main strategy is evasion and it actually works really well for the most part... As for social situations I sort of accept that there will be things and people I don't really feel like talking with/about and it's just one of the many draining aspects of such things and when one spends as much time alone as I do it can actually be rather refreshing. I don't want to hurt people or be mean to them. I do want to not subject myself to things I don't really want to do. And in the middle of that is being assertive and I really struggle with being assertive a lot of times. For one I like to have as much information as possible so I can see what of all of it seems the least problematic in trying to be assertive (which way to approach it) and even then I'm still concerned about creating some horrible situation that I won't be able to get away from later. As a stupid example there's this person at work who refuses to get her own keys to all the rooms in the building and so is constantly bothering me about keeping the door to the office open so she can get in and run copies. I asked her to get her own key but she just didn't want to do it. Anyway it's been escalating and today she actually called me to tell me that she was on her way into town and could I please leave the door open. I found myself just saying "okay" to get her off the phone, but then afterwards I realized that I don't think it is okay but I was afraid of creating some situation where she becomes my enemy simply because I refuse to leave the door open... Anyway I also don't know how things work with her because we're actually funded by very different contracts even though we're in the same physical space. And I don't know if she's supposed to get her own keys or if the support person down the hall is supposed to do it for her. So I decided to ask the support person but then in that conversation that person started ranting about the issues with this woman and not getting her own keys and was writing a note to herself to go deal with it. Then I sort of kicked myself about this for hours afterwards because I'm afraid that this means I took a really cowardly approach rather than just facing it head on. The support person told me to just say "no" and grr why can't I do that. I think it's because I'm afraid if I do that she'll somehow become my enemy and I won't be able to defend myself socially if she turned against me. So anyway I was being "fake" when I said okay to her on the phone. And what was really irritating me is that part of me went and brough this up to the support person because I knew how she would react and I knew that she could take care of this whole problem for me without much difficulty and so I really was going behind the other person's back. Anyway in terms of manners I think the other person is rude by not dealing with her own crap and making everyone else adapt to her because she isn't willing to go get a freaking key. And that's the thing - that is what I think... I think it is completely rude and inconsiderate to dump your chosen lack of autonomy on someone else like that. (But what I did wasn't any better and was also rude because I wasn't being assertive... and it was all because I was afraid and that just isn't an excuse.)

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    I personally feel the same way you do Loki; I think their are many people out there who just won't accept you for who you are. Many times in my life family members would try to mould me into what they thought I should be. Basically what they were saying was,"You are too different from my point of view, why don't we tweak a few things here and there so I can be more comfortable with my perception of you." It never works though so you are always dissapointing those who can't accept you; typically it's people from your opposing quadra.

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    Yeah Morcheeba I find that spot on.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Morcheeba View Post
    I personally feel the same way you do Loki; I think their are many people out there who just won't accept you for who you are. Many times in my life family members would try to mould me into what they thought I should be. Basically what they were saying was,"You are too different from my point of view, why don't we tweak a few things here and there so I can be more comfortable with my perception of you." It never works though so you are always dissapointing those who can't accept you; typically it's people from your opposing quadra.
    stand up straight

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    Of course, being told how to behave is a breath of fresh hair when they're countering some other pressure that you've yielded to.



    LII-Ne

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    I've been waiting for you Satan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Morcheeba View Post
    I personally feel the same way you do Loki; I think their are many people out there who just won't accept you for who you are. Many times in my life family members would try to mould me into what they thought I should be. Basically what they were saying was,"You are too different from my point of view, why don't we tweak a few things here and there so I can be more comfortable with my perception of you." It never works though so you are always dissapointing those who can't accept you; typically it's people from your opposing quadra.

    Why do you need external validation.

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    Darn Socks Director Abbie's Avatar
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    The type that's not a feeler.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ritella View Post
    Over here, we'll put up with (almost) all of your crap. You just have to use the secret phrase: "I don't value it. It's related to <insert random element here>, which is not in my quadra."
    Quote Originally Posted by Aquagraph View Post
    Abbie is so boring and rigid it's awesome instead of boring and rigid. She seems so practical and down-to-the-ground.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Morcheeba View Post
    What type is most likely on occasions when they are out in a club to be blatanly rude to someone that comes up and starts flirting when you know they are the last person you want to conversate with/ I'm usually quite rude, while my friends will sit there and listen to their nonsense just for the sake of being nice, type related?
    me too, so ILI?
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