Whoa I just had the most interesting dream.....
Okay I was back in school and we had to take a test, the teacher was my asian psychiatrist that I saw a few months ago. I noticed that he made me sit in a separate hallway where the other kids weren't. I soon realized this was a gimmick to get me to volunteer for this psychology experiment he wanted to do. This is realistic because in real life I was always kind of a teacher's pet. He said it would boost my confidence, and wouldn't make me so 'blah' in class, he talked about 'participation' and seemed angry that I always knew the answer and wouldn't say anything, that I was just lifeless and 'sat there.' I got mad and defended myself, saying that's just how I am and school is boring so whatever. But I ended up volunteering anyway.
How the classroom was set up was interesting, people were side-by-side to each other in chairs instead of the traditional desk.
So the experiment part was confusing, he umm I'm not sure but he passed around a bunch of random hygiene products around the room and talked about them, this part was a little weird because at the end he tried to carry l ike 60 products himself and they began to overflow. People just watched and watched and EVENTUALLY when like half the stuff scattered on the floor a student was all 'do you need help with that?' (lol it was pretty funny)
Then okay so now in the dream it was the teacher and a few guys that I knew from Starr Commonwealth. Everybody else had left. I ended up making out with one of the boys I liked there, while everyone watched. It was like some gay-affirming place or something since in reality we wanted to be together but we couldn't. Everybody started congratulating the relationship, which made me feel good, cause everybody around it irl always discouraged it for gazillions of reasons.
However, the guy I was making out with.....let's call him.... ummm ASHGILLY, to protect his privacy, he was always something of a bad boy. As in stab-kill people-do-drugs-hardcore kinda bad. Total gangsta. So he was kind of a 'drama king ( like eminem)' and 'intense' even though he was hot and homoerotic as hell, so I found myself conflicted cause he was so evil (but so hot). I remember I would like read his mind with my insight. I knew when he was bullshitting me, and I could always tell what he was thinking in real life, like when he would preach or get too 'pretentious' I would kinda see right through him, and knew that he wanted to stay a bad boy and had no desire to change so he should just cut the crap already until he really means it. He was really impressed with that, and I was like the 'shaman insight person' of the group.
One day we were talking about how to get away with murdering somebody. Then this big black janitor (looked a lot like samuel jackson) overheard me saying something that I shouldn't and everyone panicked. We all worked together and we killed him. I remember one time my hands sparkled while another boy was fighting him in melee, I realized I was a 'long-ranged caster' and was shitty in melee, but I wasn't strong enough to cast a single fireball yet so my hands just kind of....sparkled. I thought it was nuanced and realistic. But I still ended up killing him by grabbing a chair and knocking him down hard with the legs. Or maybe Ashgilly killed him when he and another boy picked him up (he was like really big like an ogre, like scarily big) and hurled him through a window. (we were on the second floor of some shady detroit apartment) They looked down and one guy was all 'omg dude he totally went SPLAT and is all split open!' So we were all like 'he's dead' in unision.
We then like got this rush, the kind of ALIVE rush that only killing can give you. It also solidified our bond with each other, I felt......included or something. Like this sounds kinda bad, but it felt like so real, unlike the fake social groups and conditions we create in real life in a lame attempt to 'be good', this felt so good. We felt like close to each other, not really just in a gay way (except for some of us) but like in this deep boyhood, fratenerity kind of way.....like that male thug spirit. But again another side of me felt wrong cause I knew these boys were mostly no good and I got caught up in them mainly due to my ambivalency and my very existence was like this 'moral line' between both worlds, similiar to Johnathon on Buffy how he got involved in Andrew and Warren, but I thought maybe I could save them with shaman magick or something. Like I really wanted to see them redeem themselves. But I knew logically the chances of that happening were very slim.
Ashgilly looked out the window and he saw that this female cop was headed towards us and he was like RUN!!! and everybody ran. I remember in the dream, all the other boys were more athletic than me and could roll down the stairs all ninja-like - but that's okay. I was behind but not TOO far behind, I remember down the stairs led to this like--- okay you know in those umm haunted theme parks with the haystack mazes? It lead to one of those, only here you had to keep your body low though and shuffle through the maze- like what's it called in the military those thingies where u gotta shuffle, keeping your body as low to the ground as possible? Well we did that. Half-way through I remember getting tired, but the aderalian of getting caught by the cop pushed me forward. I remember Ashgilly shouted something like 'this is the real world!' when one of the guys would complain about getting caught.
So we rushed and in the end of the maze was like this secret hide-out with a wooden door. You just KNEW you were safe when you entered and nobody could see you. WE MADE IT! Then we felt so good, I mean it was incredible. We just got away with murder! And to be fair the guy we offed was kind of a douchebag and wasn't exactly enlightened, he was going to turn us in to the police just for talking shit and accidentally saying the wrong thing, he was gonna narc on us and shit.
And I was surprised cause this like drunken college girl was there in our hide-out (but she was on our team more or less), and I got kinda jealous/angry cause I knew the guy I liked was bisexual, and didn't wanna start shit with her over him- but she was like one of those 'easily fuckable whores' like a cheap college co-ed u just use. She kept constantly smiling and was like 'wooo you guys made it!' in that overly enthusiastic way that females act. Then the dream ended, and I woke up like 'whoah. I remember EVERYTHING.'