According to some sources I read, you can't if you're NT. It either happens or doesn't happen completely unconsciously.
discuss.
yes
no
depends (please tell)
can you choose with whom, when/how/where/why to fall in love?
According to some sources I read, you can't if you're NT. It either happens or doesn't happen completely unconsciously.
discuss.
I thought no one really could... .. .
That's what I used to think until I read that article.Originally Posted by Loki
I'm pretty sure I can...I've done this before, actually, and I'm afraid to do it again, because it's dangerous when not reciprocated, and it isn't so easy to undo.
In the Reinin dichotomies, Constructivist/Emotivist seems to relate to this.
EDIT: I do invoke lesser emotions, such as sadness or the warm fuzzies, in myself every so often for fun.
LII-Ne
"Come to think of it, there are already a million monkeys on a million typewriters, and the Usenet is NOTHING like Shakespeare!"
- Blair Houghton
Johari
I think what type influences is what you ultimately decide to do with those feelings. You can't control them, though, regardless of type.
if you can control it, is it real?
Can you control when your front door opens? Is it real?
If you cannot control it, you cannot control yourself.
LII-Ne
"Come to think of it, there are already a million monkeys on a million typewriters, and the Usenet is NOTHING like Shakespeare!"
- Blair Houghton
Johari
No. If I could control it, I wouldn't have chosen to be almost clinically insane for the past few years.
I think if I could control it, I would be thinking it can't possibly be love then, I must be confused. Because if I have no problem just walking away, then it really is meaningless and I'll walk away. Or something.
I'm not sure I really care! If we all knew for a fact that we had no say whatsoever, it would be easier to put your heart into love I suppose...
but then again...if I knew I had no say in the matter, then how could I put my heart into anything
?
I think we can NOT fall in love with someone we don't want to by avoiding them, meeting other people, etc.
But I don't think we can make ourselves love someone. It takes more than will.
It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.-Mark Twain
You can't wake a person who is pretending to be asleep.
Those of you who assert being able to do this (fall in love with someone consciously), are also able to "disconnect" it at any point you want as well?
I cannot control it, only deny it and stunt its growth by not giving into fantasizing about the person.
The end is nigh
I can manipulate my own feelings for someone, yes. But if it came down to real, true, intense, I-am-going-to-run-off-with-you-to-insert-city-here, "til there's no one left who has ever known us apart" kind of love, why on earth would you want to? Although I suppose I could still quash it in the nascent stages if it wasn't strong enough yet, even if I thought it might end up that way.
Not a rule, just a trend.
IEI. Probably Fe subtype. Pretty sure I'm E4, sexual instinctual type, fairly confident that I'm a 3 wing now, so: IEI-Fe E4w3 sx/so. Considering 3w4 now, but pretty sure that 4 fits the best.
Yes 'a ma'am that's pretty music...
I am grateful for the mystery of the soul, because without it, there could be no contemplation, except of the mysteries of divinity, which are far more dangerous to get wrong.
Ultimately I think it's a really futile fight. What do you go through when you "let slip", btw?
unhealthy infatuation, shame, anxiety, disappointment, etc.
I really cannot trust myself with love. I'll have to make certain its mutually appreciated, otherwise I'd rather repress.
Yeah it feels good to love a girl, but when you are finally rejected, the vacuum in your mind she leaves behind is just not freakin worth it.
The end is nigh
Maybe it's time to bring this into the picture:
The upshot of this: I can't trigger true love in myself, only infatuation.That makes a lot of sense. The marked difference really does seem to be a matter of conscious intensification vs. emotional release, whether you attack what you think is right or accept that you are part of the right thing. This explains why it's very easy to move from infatuation to infatuation, convinced each time that it is perfect, only to discard it quickly for another, to stay involved in something. Love takes a relinquishment, an acceptance of the fact that you can't simply have that object of desire like a possession – although, in love, they will want to be yours – but have to actually first let yourself become theirs. It seems precarious from the outside looking in, each person giving up their independence almost; yet for two doves circling around, nothing is more fulfilling.Insightful. This helps to explain where infatuation comes from (I think that my explanation of its final form was good). Unlike love, infatuation is an attempt to repair the self - to obtain something that you know that you need. As such, infatuation is inflexible; whereas love molds to the object of love, providing you with what the person provides and leaving you free to love others in other ways, infatuation molds itself to the infatuated person, matching the object of infatuation either well or poorly. Because infatuation attempts to fulfill all of your needs, it does not leave you open to love others (although it may make room for a previous love that was insufficient for your needs).
Of course.
Also, the discussion will be a bit more clear once we know what we are talking about.
LII-Ne
"Come to think of it, there are already a million monkeys on a million typewriters, and the Usenet is NOTHING like Shakespeare!"
- Blair Houghton
Johari
Maybe, but then how would we know?
Love is a choice.
You might fall in-love with someone, but it's not necessarily going to last.
Agreed.
It is a tricky issue and I guess it also depends a lot on what you understand by love. I believe that if you are careful, you can prevent falling in love for someone you are attracted to. So you can control love from this point of view. However, creating what most understand by love in the absence of attraction is way harder.
Love, objectively is marked by aid, comfort and acceptance. If you find someone you are remotely attracted to, remove all ideas of finding someone else better and focus on aid, comfort and acceptance, you might arrive at a stage where you will discover that you actually love that person.
If you learn to love, the real love, that... all this ceases to be very very important. You will be able to love a lot of people and I think you will be able to pick a favorite.
"What is love?"
"The total absence of fear," said the Master.
"What is it we fear?"
"Love," said the Master.
I chose Love
Yes!
Is that deepak chopra?
My comment about the youtube video:
I think that much of what he's talking about is just selflessness. (He does seem to confuse loving with being loved in some parts though.) This is something I was just thinking about tonight, actually. What separates me from the other people I work with? The answer was that most of them are focused on what's best for themselves while I'm focused on what's best for everyone, what's best for the customers, and what's best for the business.
Nope, that's Anthony de Mello. My favorite spiritual teacher.Is that deepak chopra?
"What is love?"
"The total absence of fear," said the Master.
"What is it we fear?"
"Love," said the Master.
I chose Love
You have a different understanding of what's best for you! that's all.
You are selfish, just like everybody else.
"What is love?"
"The total absence of fear," said the Master.
"What is it we fear?"
"Love," said the Master.
I chose Love
Yup! I really delight in that sort of view. I'm totally self-centered and selfish because I like people I like to be happy and to be enjoying excellent quality of lifeYou are selfish, just like everybody else.
I don't have a favorite at present. I was really focused on that stuff for a while, but now I just have a "working theory" for myself (several, actually), but I just focus on what I need to do to move forward with my life. I guess I decided that intellectualism and spiritualism are great, but humanity won't move forward unless individuals are looking out for their own best interests. If everyone sits around thinking about spirituality the whole day, who will focus on what's necessary to move forward technologically? Or to run the existing factories and systems?Nope, that's Anthony de Mello. My favorite spiritual teacher.
Haha, so true. I can't see through anyone's eyes but my own, after all.You have a different understanding of what's best for you! that's all.
You are selfish, just like everybody else.
That said, I do notice that people tend to gravitate towards me professionally because I'm not as self-seeking as most people are. I think of it as professionalism.
And yes! I do realize that this seemingly contradicts the other thing I just said.
I've found a balance. (:
That's why you're here. :wink:
That is the highest form of spirituality in my eyes. Evolution towards something better.
The only way you can move forward is to offer a better service to those around you. The better the service the better your valuation in society. Now, if everyone would focus on providing a better service you get so much value put into the world that most of the world problems would collapse under the weight of this value.
"What is love?"
"The total absence of fear," said the Master.
"What is it we fear?"
"Love," said the Master.
I chose Love
I couldn't agree more!
What type are you?
I don't see a contradiction.
As a beautiful prayer puts it: "For it is by self-forgetting that one finds."
"What is love?"
"The total absence of fear," said the Master.
"What is it we fear?"
"Love," said the Master.
I chose Love
Self-types IEI. I'm starting to think IEE, seriously.What type are you?
Conscious vs. unconscious functions?
Why are you here?
I'm IEI.I couldn't agree more!
What type are you?
"What is love?"
"The total absence of fear," said the Master.
"What is it we fear?"
"Love," said the Master.
I chose Love
why?
"What is love?"
"The total absence of fear," said the Master.
"What is it we fear?"
"Love," said the Master.
I chose Love
I tend to think that security leads to lack of anxiety/angst. When you know everything is okay, you don't fuss about stuff. Sounds really basic, but most people fuss about WAAYYYYY too much.I don't see a contradiction.
As a beautiful prayer puts it: "For it is by self-forgetting that one finds."
I recently started another job, one in which I work with "normal" people (that is, people other than myself and my hyper-EJ ESE boss) has made me realize how petty and self-serving most people are. And how directly good leadership correlates with a lack of this ego-protecting behavior. You have to do what makes the most sense for you economically and yet not feel the need to be self-serving at the same time. I guess it comes down to knowing that if you focus on others, the business will make money, and if the business makes money as the result of your involvement, then you will be valuable to the business and they'll compensate you in order to keep you there providing that value to their business.
As long as everyone wins, I'm happy.
Really? I thought I saw some Te.
I'm okay with that. I mostly see Ni, and stuff that's not related to Socionics. And it doesn't matter anyways.
Hmm, a lot of stuff you say reminds me of my IEE psychologist. I also see Delta values, like "relieve inner tension" and "grow as a person to help others". I don't know how Betas deal with personal development and spirituality, though, so I can't comment.
Anyway, it's just a vague impression at the moment.
Idk.. depends.. I think I can. If the guy is perfect for me, then I will probably find it easy to love him. Is that choosing? If things turn me off about him, then I guess he isnt great for me anyway. lol I guess its conscious then. Though I dont think I can choose when, how, where.. Im not using apostrophes because I cant find them on this German computer!
"Language is the Rubicon that divides man from beast."
Ok... I did a "life mission" exercise some time back and got something "To help others help themselves".
The way I view it, if everyone's OK... the Kingdom of God is more visible. The Kingdom is here, no doubt about it, but it is buried under a lot of shit like, anxiety, depression, Fear in general and its offspring Anger which leads to Hate which leads to Suffering.
Light the flame of Awareness and... soon enough you will find Love... and when that ignites... this world will explode to the next level of human existence.
My time intuition is beginning to give warnings... I think we might see this in our life time. The speed of change is accelerating. The catalyst is the Internet.
"What is love?"
"The total absence of fear," said the Master.
"What is it we fear?"
"Love," said the Master.
I chose Love
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