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I'm married to someone with an opposing temperament. He's EJ, I'm IP. Does it work out? It can. Does it get annoying? YES.
more: mainly our rhythms of living are different. he wants to do things now, I want to wait until I have more energy or until I feel like doing them. he wants a plan, I want to wing it. he wants more structure, I want less. it's not horrible if you're the one who doesn't care (me). but if you're always wanting the other person to do things differently (him), it gets hard after awhile. The go-with-the-flow person always has it easier.
Last edited by redbaron; 10-15-2009 at 11:43 PM. Reason: adding
IEI-Fe 4w3
LII-Ne
"Come to think of it, there are already a million monkeys on a million typewriters, and the Usenet is NOTHING like Shakespeare!"
- Blair Houghton
Johari
I'd say I generally don't want/need to do things right now (Ni), but I do want to plan stuff, so that would still probably be a source of conflict - at least it was in my really short relationship with an INFp.
Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit
doing things right now is not Ni. Ni is more knowing when the right time is to do things. but I hate it when people feel the need to plan everything. I don't think I'd like being with an ENTj. socionics says the supervisee has it worse, so that would be me. But I'm not sure how that would play out in real life.
IEI-Fe 4w3
That's exactly what I said: ENTjs don't need to do everything right now because they have Ni. Anyway, I also think supervision relationships aren't really that great, although I suppose some are worse than others. I used to have really good chemistry with the INFp girl, but I could see that she might have resented how I wanted to have some certainty about the future and how I might have resented her apparent flakiness (you could equally say that mine was clingy-ness and hers was flexibility, it's a matter of point of view).
Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit
I'll venture a guess. With your husband, you can handle the things that he plans for without planning, and he doesn't mess with your , so you can hang back and feel separate from the planning. On the other hand, an ENTj would turn the into a plan, pressuring you to keep up... if you failed to do so, your "winging it" would be consistently shown to be inferior to his planning.
With your supervisee, you can judge his views on your terms, but he can't judge your views on his terms. With your supervisor, you would be forced to take into account his way of thinking, without being able to retaliate (that is, measure his way of thinking on your terms).
LII-Ne
"Come to think of it, there are already a million monkeys on a million typewriters, and the Usenet is NOTHING like Shakespeare!"
- Blair Houghton
Johari
interesting! that's a really good guess. And totally right about me being able to handle my supervisee's plans without planning.
obviously, the best opposite temperament relation would be mirror. I dated an ENFj for a very short while in college. He was great and I had a lot of respect for him but the ants-in-his-pants long term planning and vision for his life was too much for me. I also felt unable to inspire him. It was as if he already had enough inspiration and didn't need me. He wanted to drag me along with him but I wasn't contributing anything he couldn't already provide for himself.
Last edited by redbaron; 10-15-2009 at 11:43 PM.
IEI-Fe 4w3
LII-Ne
"Come to think of it, there are already a million monkeys on a million typewriters, and the Usenet is NOTHING like Shakespeare!"
- Blair Houghton
Johari
yeah, that makes sense. My aunt is ENFj and I love her. We do fight and disagree occasionally but it always feels fair and equal somehow. Sharing the same quadra values is nice. Also funny cause our husbands are mirrors (ISFp and ESFj) and get along great. Fun when the four of us are together.
oooh, sorry. this post is getting really off the thread topic now.
Last edited by redbaron; 10-13-2009 at 06:56 PM.
IEI-Fe 4w3
This sounds alot like my parents relationship. ESE mother, SLI father. Also a supervisory relation with mother acting as supervisor. Have been married for over 30 years now. They say they're happily married and divorce isn't an option for them either but I sense that deep down they don't feel like it's a particularly fullfilling relationship.
LII-Ne with strong EII tendencies, 6w7-9w1-3w4 so/sp/sx, INxP
i was just thinking the same thing the other day. funny. you correct one another, kind of tweak each other a little, but it's equal and fair and minor compared to supervision relation.
good call about LIE supervision and supervision in general. supervision is oppressive over the longer haul. there's always that creative function-leading function connection with supervision partners, but it's undermined by the leading-polr. so you feel close, but as the supervisee you're always behind the 8 ball. it's a weird relationship, really, kind of oddly reinforcing and hard to extricate from.I'll venture a guess. With your husband, you can handle the things that he plans for without planning, and he doesn't mess with your , so you can hang back and feel separate from the planning. On the other hand, an ENTj would turn the into a plan, pressuring you to keep up... if you failed to do so, your "winging it" would be consistently shown to be inferior to his planning.
With your supervisee, you can judge his views on your terms, but he can't judge your views on his terms. With your supervisor, you would be forced to take into account his way of thinking, without being able to retaliate (that is, measure his way of thinking on your terms).
ILE
those who are easily shocked.....should be shocked more often
Any tips or tricks? I've been finding some Ij relationships difficult because they never seem to be on the same schedule as I am reactions wise.
Last edited by female; 08-21-2012 at 11:04 PM.
I think you have to give them what they want and just accept that it will never be what you want too. Because the timing is all off like you said, and well timing is pretty much everything in a way...
I understand your frustration though. You've said multiple times over the past few weeks or so how you've wanted to find yourself and just go your own way, but naturally only a few people are going to genuinely like whatever that turns out to be. Because is is like innately narcissistic not in the bad way or anything. But they obviously are going to care less about your identity and more about how you can simply get along with them, which is what you're caring about as well...
I remember you told me before though that you can't always expect that you will get along with people so just idk, maybe in this situation it's best to just not try (id need more physical details) and just remember the people that will care and love you for whoever you are. this is such a cliche but 'absence makes the heart grow fonder.' unless they love u as much as i love you.
never leave me. <3
Last edited by Hot Scalding Gayser; 08-22-2012 at 12:51 AM.
omg lol @ your location.
i love you.