Results 1 to 24 of 24

Thread: Relations with the opposite temperament

  1. #1
    not a bumblebee octo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    TIM
    IEI 4-6-9 apparently
    Posts
    2,744
    Mentioned
    30 Post(s)
    Tagged
    1 Thread(s)

    Default Relations with the opposite temperament

    Has anyone dated someone with an opposing temperament? What's it like? Does it work out, long-term? Please share!
    Quote Originally Posted by Agee The Great View Post
    Nobody here...besides me, seems to know what SLE is except for maybe Maritsa.

  2. #2
    Creepy-Diana

    Default

    .

  3. #3
    not a bumblebee octo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    TIM
    IEI 4-6-9 apparently
    Posts
    2,744
    Mentioned
    30 Post(s)
    Tagged
    1 Thread(s)

    Default

    What was his type?
    Quote Originally Posted by Agee The Great View Post
    Nobody here...besides me, seems to know what SLE is except for maybe Maritsa.

  4. #4
    Creepy-Diana

    Default

    .

  5. #5
    redbaron's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Posts
    9,321
    Mentioned
    16 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    I'm married to someone with an opposing temperament. He's EJ, I'm IP. Does it work out? It can. Does it get annoying? YES.

    more: mainly our rhythms of living are different. he wants to do things now, I want to wait until I have more energy or until I feel like doing them. he wants a plan, I want to wing it. he wants more structure, I want less. it's not horrible if you're the one who doesn't care (me). but if you're always wanting the other person to do things differently (him), it gets hard after awhile. The go-with-the-flow person always has it easier.
    Last edited by redbaron; 10-16-2009 at 12:43 AM. Reason: adding
    IEI-Fe 4w3

  6. #6
    Currently God Brilliand's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    Nevada
    TIM
    LII
    Posts
    4,246
    Mentioned
    4 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by redbaron View Post
    The go-with-the-flow person always has it easier.
    Do you think that this would still apply if you were married to an ENTj?



    LII-Ne

    "Come to think of it, there are already a million monkeys on a million typewriters, and the Usenet is NOTHING like Shakespeare!"
    - Blair Houghton

    Johari

  7. #7
    redbaron's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Posts
    9,321
    Mentioned
    16 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Brilliand View Post
    Do you think that this would still apply if you were married to an ENTj?
    not sure. good question.
    IEI-Fe 4w3

  8. #8
    Hot Message FDG's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    Freiburg im Breisgau
    TIM
    ENTj
    Posts
    15,624
    Mentioned
    155 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    I'd say I generally don't want/need to do things right now (Ni), but I do want to plan stuff, so that would still probably be a source of conflict - at least it was in my really short relationship with an INFp.
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

  9. #9
    redbaron's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Posts
    9,321
    Mentioned
    16 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by FDG View Post
    I'd say I generally don't want/need to do things right now (Ni), but I do want to plan stuff, so that would still probably be a source of conflict - at least it was in my really short relationship with an INFp.
    doing things right now is not Ni. Ni is more knowing when the right time is to do things. but I hate it when people feel the need to plan everything. I don't think I'd like being with an ENTj. socionics says the supervisee has it worse, so that would be me. But I'm not sure how that would play out in real life.
    IEI-Fe 4w3

  10. #10
    Hot Message FDG's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    Freiburg im Breisgau
    TIM
    ENTj
    Posts
    15,624
    Mentioned
    155 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by redbaron View Post
    doing things right now is not Ni. Ni is more knowing when the right time is to do things.
    That's exactly what I said: ENTjs don't need to do everything right now because they have Ni. Anyway, I also think supervision relationships aren't really that great, although I suppose some are worse than others. I used to have really good chemistry with the INFp girl, but I could see that she might have resented how I wanted to have some certainty about the future and how I might have resented her apparent flakiness (you could equally say that mine was clingy-ness and hers was flexibility, it's a matter of point of view).
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

  11. #11
    redbaron's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Posts
    9,321
    Mentioned
    16 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by FDG View Post
    That's exactly what I said: ENTjs don't need to do everything right now because they have Ni.
    oh sorry! misunderstood you. (see, I'm being supervised already, )
    IEI-Fe 4w3

  12. #12
    Currently God Brilliand's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    Nevada
    TIM
    LII
    Posts
    4,246
    Mentioned
    4 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by redbaron View Post
    doing things right now is not Ni. Ni is more knowing when the right time is to do things. but I hate it when people feel the need to plan everything. I don't think I'd like being with an ENTj. socionics says the supervisee has it worse, so that would be me. But I'm not sure how that would play out in real life.
    I'll venture a guess. With your husband, you can handle the things that he plans for without planning, and he doesn't mess with your , so you can hang back and feel separate from the planning. On the other hand, an ENTj would turn the into a plan, pressuring you to keep up... if you failed to do so, your "winging it" would be consistently shown to be inferior to his planning.

    With your supervisee, you can judge his views on your terms, but he can't judge your views on his terms. With your supervisor, you would be forced to take into account his way of thinking, without being able to retaliate (that is, measure his way of thinking on your terms).



    LII-Ne

    "Come to think of it, there are already a million monkeys on a million typewriters, and the Usenet is NOTHING like Shakespeare!"
    - Blair Houghton

    Johari

  13. #13
    redbaron's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Posts
    9,321
    Mentioned
    16 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Brilliand View Post
    I'll venture a guess. With your husband, you can handle the things that he plans for without planning, and he doesn't mess with your , so you can hang back and feel separate from the planning. On the other hand, an ENTj would turn the into a plan, pressuring you to keep up... if you failed to do so, your "winging it" would be consistently shown to be inferior to his planning.

    With your supervisee, you can judge his views on your terms, but he can't judge your views on his terms. With your supervisor, you would be forced to take into account his way of thinking, without being able to retaliate (that is, measure his way of thinking on your terms).
    interesting! that's a really good guess. And totally right about me being able to handle my supervisee's plans without planning.

    obviously, the best opposite temperament relation would be mirror. I dated an ENFj for a very short while in college. He was great and I had a lot of respect for him but the ants-in-his-pants long term planning and vision for his life was too much for me. I also felt unable to inspire him. It was as if he already had enough inspiration and didn't need me. He wanted to drag me along with him but I wasn't contributing anything he couldn't already provide for himself.
    Last edited by redbaron; 10-16-2009 at 12:43 AM.
    IEI-Fe 4w3

  14. #14
    Currently God Brilliand's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    Nevada
    TIM
    LII
    Posts
    4,246
    Mentioned
    4 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by redbaron View Post
    interesting! that's a really good guess. And totally right about me being able to handle my supervisee's plans without planning.

    obviously, the best opposite temperament relation would be mirror. I dated an ENFj for a very short while in college. He was great and I had a lot of respect for him but the ants-in-his-pants long term planning and vision for his life was too much for me. I also felt unable to inspire him. It was as if he already had enough inspiration and didn't need me. With my SLE friend, I feel like my very presence gives him something--relaxes him, helps him have fun and puts a smile on his face. With the ENFj, he wanted to drag me along with him but I wasn't contributing anything he couldn't already provide for himself.
    I sometimes think of Mirror as a "fair fight"... you supervise each other, that is you're each able to manage the other's base function material in terms of your base function. It's mutual supervision...



    LII-Ne

    "Come to think of it, there are already a million monkeys on a million typewriters, and the Usenet is NOTHING like Shakespeare!"
    - Blair Houghton

    Johari

  15. #15
    redbaron's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Posts
    9,321
    Mentioned
    16 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Brilliand View Post
    I sometimes think of Mirror as a "fair fight"... you supervise each other, that is you're each able to manage the other's base function material in terms of your base function. It's mutual supervision...
    yeah, that makes sense. My aunt is ENFj and I love her. We do fight and disagree occasionally but it always feels fair and equal somehow. Sharing the same quadra values is nice. Also funny cause our husbands are mirrors (ISFp and ESFj) and get along great. Fun when the four of us are together.

    oooh, sorry. this post is getting really off the thread topic now.
    Last edited by redbaron; 10-13-2009 at 07:56 PM.
    IEI-Fe 4w3

  16. #16
    Jarno's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Netherlands
    TIM
    ILI-Te
    Posts
    5,375
    Mentioned
    30 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by octopuslove View Post
    Has anyone dated someone with an opposing temperament? What's it like? Does it work out, long-term? Please share!
    probably the best chance is with your mirror.

  17. #17
    Jarno's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Netherlands
    TIM
    ILI-Te
    Posts
    5,375
    Mentioned
    30 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Brilliand View Post
    I sometimes think of Mirror as a "fair fight"... you supervise each other, that is you're each able to manage the other's base function material in terms of your base function. It's mutual supervision...
    That's an interesting way of looking at it...

  18. #18
    redbaron's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Posts
    9,321
    Mentioned
    16 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Jarno View Post
    probably the best chance is with your mirror.
    my in-laws have a mirror relation. 90% sure they're ISFp-ESFj. Married for 40 years. Fairly happy.
    IEI-Fe 4w3

  19. #19
    Poster Nutbag The Exception's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    my own personal bubble
    TIM
    LII-Ne
    Posts
    4,108
    Mentioned
    94 Post(s)
    Tagged
    1 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by redbaron View Post
    I'm married to someone with an opposing temperament. He's EJ, I'm IP. Does it work out? It can. Does it get annoying? YES. my aunt and uncle are IP-EJ also and they've been married for 38 years. Happily? Sometimes. They yell a lot though. Divorce has never been an option. But I'll say this much, sometimes when I look at them, I think to myself "I don't want to be that in another 20 years" which is exactly what will happen if I stay with my husband.

    more: mainly our rhythms of living are different. he wants to do things now, I want to wait until I have more energy or until I feel like doing them. he wants a plan, I want to wing it. he wants more structure, I want less. it's not horrible if you're the one who doesn't care (me). but if you're always wanting the other person to do things differently (him), it gets hard after awhile. The go-with-the-flow person always has it easier.
    This sounds alot like my parents relationship. ESE mother, SLI father. Also a supervisory relation with mother acting as supervisor. Have been married for over 30 years now. They say they're happily married and divorce isn't an option for them either but I sense that deep down they don't feel like it's a particularly fullfilling relationship.
    LII-Ne with strong EII tendencies, 6w7-9w1-3w4 so/sp/sx, INxP



  20. #20
    Blaze's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Posts
    5,725
    Mentioned
    9 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Brilliand View Post
    I sometimes think of Mirror as a "fair fight"... you supervise each other, that is you're each able to manage the other's base function material in terms of your base function. It's mutual supervision...
    i was just thinking the same thing the other day. funny. you correct one another, kind of tweak each other a little, but it's equal and fair and minor compared to supervision relation.

    I'll venture a guess. With your husband, you can handle the things that he plans for without planning, and he doesn't mess with your , so you can hang back and feel separate from the planning. On the other hand, an ENTj would turn the into a plan, pressuring you to keep up... if you failed to do so, your "winging it" would be consistently shown to be inferior to his planning.

    With your supervisee, you can judge his views on your terms, but he can't judge your views on his terms. With your supervisor, you would be forced to take into account his way of thinking, without being able to retaliate (that is, measure his way of thinking on your terms).
    good call about LIE supervision and supervision in general. supervision is oppressive over the longer haul. there's always that creative function-leading function connection with supervision partners, but it's undermined by the leading-polr. so you feel close, but as the supervisee you're always behind the 8 ball. it's a weird relationship, really, kind of oddly reinforcing and hard to extricate from.

    ILE

    those who are easily shocked.....should be shocked more often

  21. #21
    I've been waiting for you Satan's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Behind you
    TIM
    sle sp/sx 845
    Posts
    4,956
    Mentioned
    137 Post(s)
    Tagged
    15 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by redbaron View Post
    doing things right now is not Ni. Ni is more knowing when the right time is to do things. but I hate it when people feel the need to plan everything. I don't think I'd like being with an ENTj. socionics says the supervisee has it worse, so that would be me. But I'm not sure how that would play out in real life.
    you're so selfish

  22. #22
    Creepy-female

    Default Dealing with your opposing temperament

    Any tips or tricks? I've been finding some Ij relationships difficult because they never seem to be on the same schedule as I am reactions wise.
    Last edited by female; 08-22-2012 at 12:04 AM.

  23. #23
    Haikus
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    MI
    TIM
    IEI-Ni
    Posts
    10,060
    Mentioned
    223 Post(s)
    Tagged
    2 Thread(s)

    Default

    I think you have to give them what they want and just accept that it will never be what you want too. Because the timing is all off like you said, and well timing is pretty much everything in a way...

    I understand your frustration though. You've said multiple times over the past few weeks or so how you've wanted to find yourself and just go your own way, but naturally only a few people are going to genuinely like whatever that turns out to be. Because is is like innately narcissistic not in the bad way or anything. But they obviously are going to care less about your identity and more about how you can simply get along with them, which is what you're caring about as well...

    I remember you told me before though that you can't always expect that you will get along with people so just idk, maybe in this situation it's best to just not try (id need more physical details) and just remember the people that will care and love you for whoever you are. this is such a cliche but 'absence makes the heart grow fonder.' unless they love u as much as i love you.

    never leave me. <3
    Last edited by bnd; 08-22-2012 at 01:51 AM.

  24. #24
    Haikus
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    MI
    TIM
    IEI-Ni
    Posts
    10,060
    Mentioned
    223 Post(s)
    Tagged
    2 Thread(s)

    Default

    omg lol @ your location.

    i love you.

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •