Is this type-related?
I know an SEE who does this, but I'm wondering if it's related to type or if it's just how she interacts with people...
I think ethical types would generally be more prone to do this, especially extroverts. Se+Fi sounds like the perfect combination that would have the least trouble doing it, and they might also be the most naturally predisposed to do it.
“Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”
Originally Posted by Gilly
Sounds like it would be related to Fi, trying to preserve a positive relationship. I would expect Gamma SFs to be the most likely to do it.
I can see an Fe type doing it as well, maintaining good Fi relationships for the purpose of maintaining positive Fe.
Personally, if someone has done something to me... well it depends on the situation. Usually I'd rather talk it out, make sure we each understand the other's perspective, and then make up if possible... the words "I'm sorry" don't need to be said by the other person in order for me to forgive them, though.
IMO the Fe manifestation is like demanding Nixion or Bush apologise for their wrong doings, there is no real relationship involved just retribution needed or blame to be dished out. When it gets to be more about blame and retribution I think Fe is more involved than Fi.
I do this occasionally to my SEE sister. That's about it.
My ESI brother does this to his kids. He's trying to teach them to be respectful, and saying I'm sorry is partly about being sorry but also partly about respect.
I don't force apologies. I suggest my daughter might like to apologize to try to make things better between her and someone else if she's done something wrong, and she generally does, usually by writing a note and drawing a picture.
It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.-Mark Twain
You can't wake a person who is pretending to be asleep.
Socionically, I would say that this is definitely related to both Fi and Fe due to their own respective reasons, Fi focusing on maintain good relations and Fe on having a positive atmosphere, because this type of conflict usually generates tense environments. Either way, apologizing is a necessary social skill to have regardless of what function(s) you value. Someone who doesn't know how to apologize, and what situations merit it, will have it rougher in the social department, and I don't think we need facts to see how this is true.
I want to say that I've seen ESIs and ESEs do this irl more often than other types, but I honestly don't remember a specific situation.
I imagine if I responded like that, he would respond with "Why not?". Actually I think he did respond that way... let's see... that student responded with "I'm just not." Dad found that honesty impressive.
"Come to think of it, there are already a million monkeys on a million typewriters, and the Usenet is NOTHING like Shakespeare!"
- Blair Houghton
Sometimes when a person tries to pressure a person to appologize... they aren't really expecting to force them to sincerely be sorry, they are simply communicating to that person that they feel the other person should be sorry. If the person gives in and appologizes even though they aren't truely sorry its a matter of respect, your submitting your desires temporarily to conform to the will of that person. If you hold on and continue to deny saying sorry its a perpetuation of the conflict until someone submits or changes. In other words its a conflict....
person A thinks person B should be sorry
person B isn't sorry
a conflict is created concerning when it is right to feel remorse/fault.
If person B appologizes but not sincerely, there is still a conflict but person B is submitting out of respect, its a way of communicating that you'll respect the other person's wishes regardless of how you feel about that issue.
In general I don't think that submission is a big deal for small issues, but for issues of high personal value and significance I think its better to resist so you have your human dignity. If a person expects a sincere appology where there isn't one, then they are being crazy.
If a person tells me to appologize and its not a big deal, I'll appologize and avoid the stress... if its something I feel I should stand my ground on, I'll stand it.
Why would you make somebody else say they're sorry if they don't really mean it? That's dumb. You really just want revenge, not remorse.
n0ki: If it weren't for faggy civilization, people like me and bnd would be totally dead by now.
"Language is the Rubicon that divides man from beast."
In fact the entire process of willing another person to feel "X" for you is destructive, love isn't true if its forced, and remorse isn't true if its forced... but that doesn't mean that we as people don't desire this. Some things though are not for us to decide, we think we want to control the world around us and shape it to our ideals, but we really don't want that. All we can honestly do is act in our lives based on our ideals, and have the world shape itself around us and not the other way around.
Basically I don't think its dumb because the other alternative is to pretend like your ok with a person doing something you feel they should be remorseful for. I think the only "smart" solution is to be willing to accept that conflict will arise in life.
It seems strange to me that such an artificial show of goodwill would be demanded by an Fi-ego, but judging by everyone's replies, it's not type-related.
I never apologize unless I think I'm in some way at fault. Saying "I'm sorry" when I'm not would be lying, and Truth is more important to me than social lubricants. Of course, when I *am* at fault, I apologize willingly; I don't have to be told to do it (usually).
It comes down to what matters more to you, getting someone to admit that they were wrong, thus engaging in some sort of power game or a genuine feeling of regret.