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Thread: Stages of Duality

  1. #1
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    Default Stages of Duality

    Relations of Duality also go through several stages. The first stage sometimes can be really tense. It is like a new engine that requires a "run in" first. If relations crumble it normally happens in the first stage. The more stages completed by Duals the more unbreakable their relationship.
    I'm very curious about this... does anyone have any insight or experience w duality who could describe the "stages" duals go through, or know of any resources where it's written about in English?

  2. #2
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    Someone just sent me a link to this [thank you again ]... thought others might be interested if you haven't seen it before:

    Experiencing Dual Relations

    by G. Shulman

    translated main points of this article.



    The International Socionics Institute

    Published in the newspaper “Unexplored world”, No.3, 2001



    Meeting a dual, interacting with your dual, positive self-realization in a relationship knowing your dual (dualization), duality is the relationship of complete mutual complement…

    As derived from Aushra Augustinavichute’s discovery of intertype relations, the cornerstone of the wonderful science Socionics.


    Actually, as written by Aushra Augustinavichute, when you look at a dual couple, you feel as thought you are looking at a separated androgynous pair. Their interactions and behavior seem so organic, natural and comfortable. Moreover, duals completely trust each other.

    In short a dual is that elusive missing “soul mate” or “other half” that everyone dreams to meet. (However, how can you meet the dream if you do not know what to look for?)



    For example, when people are in a dual relationship, they forget about their inferiority complexes. No complexes! Duals are liberated, relaxed and confident that somebody needs them (first of all their duals need them and the society needs also them)



    When one dual reveals something new, the others spontaneously responded to this as normal behavior.

    Duals speak about everything. Dropping all of your barriers does not trouble your dual; you can bare your true soul. You seem completely normal to your dual. The senses of shame and awkwardness completely disappear.



    The person who has grown up in dual family or lives with dual spouse is a well-adjusted person, as opposed to another who was grown up in psychologically negative atmosphere.

    Dual families are long-term, reliable, stable and happy. In fact, the age of spouses does not matter.

    It is interesting that according to different investigations, dual families exist more often than would be found by the mean average of 6.25 % (this based on 16 possible relationships). But it is around 30 % (according to data collected by Aushra Augustinavichute) or around 45% (according to surveys made by the International Socionics Institute).



    There are some downsides to dual relationships. One is what can be called an un-training characteristic. (What is this characteristic? If one encounters a difficult un-manageable situation, your dual takes on those obligations!). Could this be a reason that when the one spouse dies the other one also dies shortly after?



    Duals are also rather jealous. Aushra Augustinavichute writes, “Anybody who has developed relations with a dual will not try to change these relations for another”. Occasionally by chance a third person who is a dual for one of spouses can appear.

    In this situation, you need to love your dual very much to absolve any real or imaginary mischief.

    Jack London describes the essence of this in the book Little Lady of the Big House.

    Another negative side effect of dual relations is the compete relaxing of duals – It is too nice to be together. Therefore, they need to have contacts in external world. Both duals can have negative contacts for example when they work at their offices. In this case, duals restore their energy and strength at their home. (even if duals work together, i.e. spent 24 hours per day)



    Overall, dual relations have been talk about a great deal. Aushra Augustinavichute, her followers and students wrote and published a lot about dual contact in the magazine “Socionics, methodology and psychology of personality” (in Russian).

    Dual relations are only one of the 16 intertype relations in the socion. Dual relations, just as any other, need to be developed. It takes some time to become accustomed to each other.

    Socionics is not the only factor describing people and their intrapersonal relations. In addition, many other factors affect us. Moreover, the successful formation of dual relationships depends on what personal development has occurred (culture, education, upbringing, ect.).



    Socionics researchers studying the development of dual relations found it had eight common stages.

    Not always occurring in the same order depending on the Quadra and which dual pair.

    As not to be confused with the way other relationships develop, refer to these common characteristics.

    It is especially important because the dual contact is worthwhile.

    So be attentive to it.





    1. The sensing a necessity to meet again. You notice this afterwards, after your first contact. It is something unconscious, perceptive and mysterious. An inevitable feeling as if you need to meet this person again. Unexpectedly, they attached to something within you. Suddenly you begin to understand that you really need to see this person. If you do something, your thoughts are about this person.



    2. A Persons who for the first time in their life finds themselves in dual contact tries to remember: “Where could have we meet with before?!” (Of course, it is uselessly). Nevertheless, both are sure they have known each other for many years.



    3. The sensation of safety appears for both duals. You observe this sensation and you cannot mix it with something up. A sensation of amazing and undisturbed composure describes this. It happens in the moment, a forming of common atmosphere; it can be easy felt, you intuitively know.



    4. Both duals begin to feel simultaneously and equally the “impossibility” to be separated even for short time. It is very an exact and very real sensation of dual contact.



    5. Both duals feel something like an internal joy, that fills up the soul. The smile on your face appears like a quiet happy smile of conciliation and rest.

    The joy as behavior reaction is one of most accurate characteristic of dual dyad. This joy can appear without any certain reason. (Duals can laugh even without any certain reason just looking to each other. This joy arises like from sub consciousness – J.S.)



    6. Little by little, both duals begin to feel, the need for maximum and close contact. If persons are not married, then it’s a good start for relations. If both duals have their own families, it is hard to keep their families. It is interesting that it is just natural evolution of the situation. It happens spontaneously like a “matter-of-course”…



    7. The leveling of dual energy. This phenomenon appears almost immediately. The duals should just to be together, just to seat close by, sometimes even without touching each other. The maximum term for leveling of dual energy – 40 minutes (it is a result of investigation) and after that duals renew their energy. It does not depend on the depth of the “energy hole”.



    8. This is most interesting stage. Duals cannot describe their feelings. You feel so comfortable, so at ease, it is as if you feel nothing at all…Sometimes it is impossible to notice the presence of your dual. Sometimes you completely forget about your dual all, then suddenly you see your dual!!! (How could I forget about them???)



    Moreover, absolutely all of the above appears and happens only spontaneously!
    Unfortunately, sometimes we can truly appreciate our dual only after our time with them is finished and your dual has gone. As they say, sometimes we appreciate somebody only after we lose them.
    Therefore, dear friend, be attentive to your duals!!!

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    I know that info, and it is very good.

    Especially the 8 stages.

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    I think the best way to understand relationships is to compare them. Because often even the duality description exists of generalizations like "you feel very comfortable". Only when you know most/all relationships, it's easy to tell what kind of comfortability is meant here.

    If you have a close SLE and IEI friend then you should be able to tell the difference. I'm not familiar with identicals but duals give me the feeling I can completely trust them, I'm safe with them, I've known them all my life, I get a smile on my face easely. If I look them in the eyes, there immediately a special sort of chemistry, also when I notice their smile. It's hard to explain, but it's all very distinctive of every other relationship that I know of.

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    i like that. an esfp girl called me today from the psychiatric office for no good reason. we are in the first stage. gotta make it go to the second stage
    INTp

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    Sitting here underslept and exhausted, I am reading this crappy (pseudo-scientific) ideological article about "duality" and can't help but slowly weep on the inside. I've pretty much been a loner all my life and haven't even come close to experiencing a relationship in such depth, except in my dreams and fantasies. People come and go, relationships start and brake, but nothing and no one stands by me forever like that. There has been potential, of course, but every goddamn chance that comes my way somehow manages to end up blasting itself off into space, or taking the wrong turn eventually. And I rarely fail to contribute to this.
    “Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”

    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly
    You've done yourself a huge favor developmentally by mustering the balls to do something really fucking scary... in about the most vulnerable situation possible.

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    I identify strongly with 3 and 5. Experience 3 was really profound for me, too.

    I can see elements of 4 in my situation. Similarly, I can see how I'm fighting it and lawyering it.

    1 is something I experience with lots of people, actually. Other Ne egos, especially; probably because I'm not used to having those guys around and it's cool being mentally synced with another weirdo crazyface. Similarly, I experience something similar to 2 when I'm talking to EIIs.

    Haven't experienced 6 or 8.

    7 is interesting in that there's a very specific sort of energy I get. It really is like a recharge! Compared to interacting with other Ne users, where the "energy" is more like getting overloaded and just passively ramping up the connections and the zany insanity.

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    =(


    the first few steps, yeah...

    this makes me happy and sad.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mimosa Pudica View Post
    Since IEIs are the most useless, and SLEs are the biggest egos of all types, it makes sense that we are duals. And since IEIs hate ego assholes, and SLEs hate useless losers, no wonder we never find each other.... (And no wonder it works so well when we do. )
    exactly! I look back on my teenage years and I realize I knew several guys who were SLEs and totally looked down on them for being goof-off ego maniac jerks without a brain. And I'm sure they thought I was probably about the laziest boring person they knew! LOL
    Last edited by redbaron; 10-16-2009 at 12:52 AM.
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    Quote Originally Posted by ArchonAlarion View Post
    =(


    the first few steps, yeah...

    this makes me happy and sad.
    Same here. This is a message of both hope and loss... most of all for the unmarried-unattached, but for everyone in a way.



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    8 is what I was talking about when I said it's easy to take your dual for granted. It happens because the relationship is just so easy, and it makes life a lot easier.
    SEE-Se, 852 sx/so

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    Isn't it how 90 percent of friend-romantic relationships develop?
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG View Post
    Isn't it how 90 percent of friend-romantic relationships develop?
    no. (at least not in my experience)
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mimosa Pudica View Post
    Since IEIs are the most useless, and SLEs are the biggest egos of all types, it makes sense that we are duals. And since IEIs hate ego assholes, and SLEs hate useless losers, no wonder we never find each other.... (And no wonder it works so well when we do. )
    I thought you were useless. You must be IEI.

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    The majority of my previous relationships went more like:

    1. Get to know each other.

    2. Either I'm way more interested in him than he is in me, or he's way more interested in me than I am in him.

    3. If he calls me too much, I get weirded out and call him a stalker and tell him to stop. If he doesn't call me at all, I decide he isn't interested.

    4. If, by some miracle it gets to this point, we have some level of uneasiness together and worry about making each other upset all the time. But we keep going out because we like each other, for the most part anyway. And it's more fun to be with someone than be alone.

    5. At some point, I forget something important to him, or he forgets something important to me, or one of us gets interested in someone else, and we break up.

    Move back to #1 with a new person, and start over.
    It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
    -Mark Twain


    You can't wake a person who is pretending to be asleep.

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    Quote Originally Posted by mercutio View Post
    I thought you were useless. You must be IEI.
    you're mistaking her for me. I'm the useless one. how dare you confuse us!
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    IEI's aren't useless. They make things fun!
    SEE-Se, 852 sx/so

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    Quote Originally Posted by Joy View Post
    IEI's aren't useless. They make things fun!
    awww, thanks Joy!
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    the majority of my previous relationships went like this:

    1. guy shows interest

    2. I drop hints that I'm interested back (but they're subtle).

    3. he either initiates by asking me out or hanging out with me more, or the potential dies on the spot.

    4. we have fun (I've never not had fun, to be honest) dating, etc.

    5. external circumstances pull us apart.

    Literally, in every single relationship besides my marriage, external circumstances have been the main culprit of the break-ups. Either distance or meddling parents or other persons involved or bad timing. I don't feel that any of them were due to us not getting along or problems in the relationship itself. Now maybe if it had been "right" and strong enough, we could have surmounted the external obstacles so what that means is that it was never meant to be. And I'm fine with that.

    (intertype relations were: identical, lookalike, mirror, beneficiary, there was also a duality but that was for a very short time, too short to recognize it as such. And two of the relationships--the beneficiary and lookalike--were revisited more than once.)

    With the short-term duality, we only went out for 2 months and it was extremely easy. I mostly experienced the feeling of safety with him. That was nice. But I was like 15 years old!! I can barely remember it... lol
    Last edited by redbaron; 10-16-2009 at 12:53 AM.
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    I did have one teenage romance broken up by my dad. Oh, how sad that was.

    Anyway, the list is a bit flowery in its language and I find that to bug me, but Russians seem to like writing like that. And it seems generally right.

    The thing about not wanting to be separated is right. My husband has to travel for work sometimes and he HATES to travel unless I can go. So we've packed a baby up to go to weird places before. And if I can't go, he calls me all the time. (Sometimes to gloat, though. "I'm on the balcony of my hotel suite overlooking Lake Geneva, having filet mingon. What are you doing?")

    Another thing is how things seem very natural and comfortable. That was a huge difference from previous relationships. I could completely be myself and tell him anything and know it would be ok.
    It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
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    Yeah. In a lot of ways, duals and identicals are the only ones who "get it". (Identicals even more so, actually... But of course, an identical can't make your life easier the way a dual does.)
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    Quote Originally Posted by Slacker Mom View Post
    The thing about not wanting to be separated is right. My husband has to travel for work sometimes and he HATES to travel unless I can go. So we've packed a baby up to go to weird places before. And if I can't go, he calls me all the time. (Sometimes to gloat, though. "I'm on the balcony of my hotel suite overlooking Lake Geneva, having filet mingon. What are you doing?")
    that is so cute.
    Last edited by redbaron; 10-16-2009 at 12:54 AM.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Joy View Post
    Yeah. In a lot of ways, duals and identicals are the only ones who "get it". (Identicals even more so, actually... But of course, an identical can't make your life easier the way a dual does.)
    I'd honestly pick my Mirror over my Identical, actually.

    In terms of "getting me". I can't really imagine having a therapeutic crying sessions with an SLI

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    Quote Originally Posted by Coolanzon View Post
    I'd honestly pick my Mirror over my Identical, actually.
    that's because you're really ESE. lol!

    I know some people would pick mirror over identical. but not me.

    okay, wait. your sig says IEE? I'm thoroughly confused...
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  25. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by redbaron View Post
    okay, wait. your sig says IEE? I'm thoroughly confused...
    It's my self-typing, backed up by the opinion of people I trust. That alone should instantly have me as IEE

    I like EIIs because I find they're very easy people to connect and open up to (I think any type finds this though), and then a familiar person who goes through similar things to me and has comparable experiences is waiting.

    Except if they're guys. Male bonding is awkward.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Coolanzon View Post
    It's my self-typing, backed up by the opinion of people I trust. That alone should instantly have me as IEE

    I like EIIs because I find they're very easy people to connect and open up to (I think any type finds this though), and then a familiar person who goes through similar things to me and has comparable experiences is waiting.

    Except if they're guys. Male bonding is awkward.
    okay. fair enough.
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    Quote Originally Posted by glamourama View Post
    I find it amazing that you can say things like this yet people still type you Fi PoLR.
    Blame all the Ne leading types who completely ignore evidence like that in favour of StructurGul.

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    Quote Originally Posted by glamourama View Post
    I find it amazing that you can say things like this yet people still type you Fi PoLR.
    Because he trusts the opinions of others? That is not type related and if anything has to do with the 6 fixation.

    holly shite
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    Quote Originally Posted by ArchonAlarion View Post
    Because he trusts the opinions of others? That is not type related and if anything has to do with the 6 fixation.

    holly shite
    No, because I don't have the Alpha NT attitude of "I can only trust and be confident in my own mind". I have an attitude of "People who know me well can provide more accurate information, but anyway, I'm just going to value their opinion more and there's no two ways about it."

    You and I are very different breeds of Six, Jake. Shouldn't that alone be enough to tell you that I'm not in the same club or quadra as you?

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    You are absolutely correct, please tell me about the possible flavors of brownies. Also give me dating and relationship prescriptions in lengthy monologues (include as many anecdotes as possible).
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    I would say that you are transgressing enneagram's territory with socionics, but thats prior to me believing everything Gul said.

    Also, it makes perfect sense that we are conflictors, Glam.
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    Quote Originally Posted by glamourama View Post
    it's not so much just that one comment, than how he's always making these kinds of comments about his attitude towards people, who he is close to and trusts, how he feels about them, etc. it's Fi-speak.
    Nah, I can't be Fi. I'm too bubbly and clearly enjoy socializing and fun atmospheres. Clearly I'm ILE with Fe HA, much like a cuddlier version of hkkmr.


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    Quote Originally Posted by glamourama View Post
    sounds consistent with IEE!
    And so do you!
    “Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”

    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly
    You've done yourself a huge favor developmentally by mustering the balls to do something really fucking scary... in about the most vulnerable situation possible.

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    Quote Originally Posted by glamourama View Post
    sounds consistent with IEE!
    But Delta Quadra is the Serious Quadra for Boring People, duh. Learn 2 socionics.

    Quote Originally Posted by Parkster View Post
    And so do you!
    Lol, I want Glam to be my Dual >:

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    Quote Originally Posted by Parkster View Post
    And so do you!
    Winterpark, Stop. She is my hardcore mirror partner to the bone. WHen I go to bathroom to take a shit, after I'm done, I look at myself in the mirror and I see Glam's face.
    (D)IEE~FI-(C)SLE~Ni E-5w4(Sp/Sx)/7w8(So/Sp)/9w1(sp/sx)

    Quote Originally Posted by Jarno View Post
    1)
    A girl who I want to date, asks me: well first tell me how tall you are?
    My reply: well I will answer that, if you first tell me how much you weigh!

    2)
    A girl I was dating said she was oh so great at sex etc, but she didn't do blowjobs.
    My reply: Oh I'm really romantic etc, I just will never take you out to dinner.

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    Quote Originally Posted by 07490 View Post
    Winterpark, Stop. She is my hardcore mirror partner to the bone. WHen I go to bathroom to take a shit, after I'm done, I look at myself in the mirror and I see Glam's face.
    "lmao" does not do justice to the spasm my body just endured.
    OPERATION POOPLAIR

    Now conscripting, for more information come here: http://www.the16types.info/vbulletin...48#post1003048

  37. #37
    Haikus
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    This sounds too ....ideal or something. Yeah duals are nice but I'm not buying the complete eradication of social awkwardness and stuff.

  38. #38
    wants to be a writer. silverchris9's Avatar
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    ^I was hoping someone would say that. Still waiting for the SLE girl of the-dreams-I-didn't-know-I-had to pop out of nowhere and tackle me though.
    Not a rule, just a trend.

    IEI. Probably Fe subtype. Pretty sure I'm E4, sexual instinctual type, fairly confident that I'm a 3 wing now, so: IEI-Fe E4w3 sx/so. Considering 3w4 now, but pretty sure that 4 fits the best.

    Yes 'a ma'am that's pretty music...

    I am grateful for the mystery of the soul, because without it, there could be no contemplation, except of the mysteries of divinity, which are far more dangerous to get wrong.

  39. #39
    EffyCold thePirate's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Parkster View Post
    Sitting here underslept and exhausted, I am reading this crappy (pseudo-scientific) ideological article about "duality" and can't help but slowly weep on the inside. I've pretty much been a loner all my life and haven't even come close to experiencing a relationship in such depth, except in my dreams and fantasies. People come and go, relationships start and brake, but nothing and no one stands by me forever like that. There has been potential, of course, but every goddamn chance that comes my way somehow manages to end up blasting itself off into space, or taking the wrong turn eventually. And I rarely fail to contribute to this.
    Hey man, I could have wrote this myself.

    I was skeptical of duality, more so after actually having met my duals. However, as I started meeting more and more, and developing real relationships with them, the validity of duals quickly became a reality. It starts to seem like fantasy after awhile, but let me assure you what is being discussed is no more fantasy than gravity.

    BnD: Theres no social awkwardness because theres no judgement, theres a deep love that comes from being with another person of such rare beauty.

    However both individuals need to be at a place where they can allow such a relationship to grow.

    I dont hope to make you believe off word of mouth alone, but for what its worth, it does exist, its happiness/calm/joy all bundled together in such a way that it almost feels surreal.

    You cant mistake the feeling for anything else.

    I have experienced 3, 5, 7, 8 so far.

    "The best kind of friend is the one you could sit on a porch with, never saying a word, and walk away feeling like that was the best conversation you've had. "

    ^--Sums up Duality.
    Last edited by thePirate; 10-08-2009 at 09:10 AM.
    <Crispy> what subt doesnt understand is that a healthy reaction to "FUCK YOU" is and not

  40. #40
    Creepy-male

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    Quote Originally Posted by thePirate View Post
    "The best kind of friend is the one you could sit on a porch with, never saying a word, and walk away feeling like that was the best conversation you've had. "

    ^--Sums up Duality.
    I agree. Nothing says ahhhhhhh like chill moments with an SLI.

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