View Poll Results: Does your benefactor intimidate you a little?

Voters
22. You may not vote on this poll
  • Yes.

    15 68.18%
  • No.

    7 31.82%
Results 1 to 33 of 33

Thread: Benefit relations: does your benefactor intimidate you a little?

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Posts
    547
    Mentioned
    2 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default Benefit relations: does your benefactor intimidate you a little?

    Describe overall your experiences with your Benefactor. Please state your self-typing.

  2. #2

    Default

    I have a benefactor?

  3. #3

    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Posts
    547
    Mentioned
    2 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    I don't know. To know your Benefactor you have to know your own type first.

  4. #4
    aka Slacker Slacker's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    North Korea
    TIM
    IEE
    Posts
    8,819
    Mentioned
    24 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    My mother-in-law benefactor likes me, but thinks I should have a job. She worked when she had young kids, so I should too. But we generally get along. She seems to think my husband is a bit of a loser. When they stay here, she insists that she does all the cooking, and then if she gets mad at me she punishes me by not giving me enough food to eat.

    I probably have more friends who are ESE than any other single type. They seem to readily like me, but they don't really take me seriously. Like, if I make a suggestion, they're quick to dismiss it as not worth considering.

    I don't feel intimidated, though. Maybe just "not taken particularly seriously."
    It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
    -Mark Twain


    You can't wake a person who is pretending to be asleep.

  5. #5

    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Posts
    547
    Mentioned
    2 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Thanks, that's exactly what I want.

    Perhaps 'intimidate' is not the right word. It's something more like feeling that this person is good at something that you're not. Similar feeling that you get with a supervisor, only that with the supervisor it turns out to be worse than you thought, while with the benefactor this "apprehension" of sorts is pretty harmless. In fact, the benefactor tends to offer you things and is overall friendly and helpful to you, but also makes you feel a little patronized and ignored.

  6. #6
    Darn Socks Director Abbie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    Southwest USA
    TIM
    LSE
    Posts
    6,728
    Mentioned
    237 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Yeah, somewhat. And I intimidate my beneficiary.

    ESTj
    1w2 sp/so 1-2-6
    Brilliand's Younger Sister
    Squishy's Older Sister

    Johari Nohari

    Quote Originally Posted by Ritella View Post
    Over here, we'll put up with (almost) all of your crap. You just have to use the secret phrase: "I don't value it. It's related to <insert random element here>, which is not in my quadra."
    Quote Originally Posted by Aquagraph View Post
    Abbie is so boring and rigid it's awesome instead of boring and rigid. She seems so practical and down-to-the-ground.

  7. #7
    Azeroffs's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Location
    California
    TIM
    ENTj 3w4 sp/sx
    Posts
    2,216
    Mentioned
    3 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Not at all. It's hard to find IEE intimidating. She's a little overbearing in a scattered kind of way, but not intimidating. Every time time I see her, she jumps at me and is like "OMGosh, so I was in my yoga class..."
    3w4-5w6-9w8

  8. #8
    Creepy-male

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Azeroffs View Post
    Every time time I see her, she jumps at me and is like "OMGosh, so I was in my yoga class..."


    EDIT

    The only bad thing I could really say about my ESE friend is that sometimes he won't play nice with other people. It doesn't get to me, but I see it as problematic when we're dealing with peeps we might need to level with or be talking to or whatever online. Well, I know an LII like this too, so it's either Not Type Related, or just an issue with a value clash around the Rational elements.

    I keep going back to the idea of "restricted" elements instead of "unvalued elements". For Alpha Js, displays of passion are "always OK". Much less so over here in Delta P land.

  9. #9
    Azeroffs's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Location
    California
    TIM
    ENTj 3w4 sp/sx
    Posts
    2,216
    Mentioned
    3 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Coolanzon View Post
    lol, not that its bad a thing really. It just kinda dazes me for a moment.
    3w4-5w6-9w8

  10. #10
    Creepy-male

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Azeroffs View Post
    lol, not that its bad a thing really. It just kinda dazes me for a moment.
    Lol. Did you miss the "Ability to talk forever" thread? Here!

    And wow, if you think you have it tough, how do you think SLIs feel? Sorry, guys :frown:

  11. #11
    Azeroffs's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Location
    California
    TIM
    ENTj 3w4 sp/sx
    Posts
    2,216
    Mentioned
    3 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Coolanzon View Post
    Lol. Did you miss the "Ability to talk forever" thread? Here!
    haha yeah, I glanced at it. Definitely true for this IEE, she can go on for hours. I asked her to explain how she got along with some guy, and it seemed like half an hour before she was done with the part before she met the guy.
    3w4-5w6-9w8

  12. #12
    Ti centric krieger's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Posts
    5,983
    Mentioned
    80 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Your benefactor expects you to be your supervisor. Generally they will estimate everything you do to have failed in it's purpose. So they see you as a bit of a klutz. I do tend to feel intimidated by it, but the far more annoying thing is that they can, at any point, for whatever purpose, suddenly decide to make you feel good. This last thing is far worse than any feeling of intimidation you get from them. It's a bad form of mind screw.

    Of course, knowing that it's all psychological is a great help. It's a lot of fun to turn the table on people without socionics knowledge in the game of rejection.

  13. #13
    Haikus
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    MI
    TIM
    IEI-Ni
    Posts
    10,060
    Mentioned
    223 Post(s)
    Tagged
    2 Thread(s)

    Default

    Yeah, they do actually.

  14. #14
    Joy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    TIM
    SEE-Se
    Posts
    24,501
    Mentioned
    58 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    LIE, and no.

    I find IEE's very comfortable. They make ethical (in the Socionics sense of the word) situations easier in a very no pressure sort of way. They're also super easy to talk to.
    SEE-Se, 852 sx/so

    Check out my Socionics group! https://www.facebook.com/groups/1546362349012193/

  15. #15
    xerx's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    5,472
    Mentioned
    53 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    yes. LSEs and EIIs are the only types that scare the crap out of me.
    It was in the reign of George III that the aforesaid personages lived and quarrelled; good or bad, handsome or ugly, rich or poor, they are all equal now.

  16. #16
    Joy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    TIM
    SEE-Se
    Posts
    24,501
    Mentioned
    58 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    That said, I do feel compelled to be very useful to them. I put more effort into the relationship than they do because I feel like it's enough for them just to be who they are. And I don't mind doing it. However, it falls apart when their lack of an IJ temperament starts to get frustrating. Then I just say "screw it" and stop caring as much about the relationship.
    SEE-Se, 852 sx/so

    Check out my Socionics group! https://www.facebook.com/groups/1546362349012193/

  17. #17
    Azeroffs's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Location
    California
    TIM
    ENTj 3w4 sp/sx
    Posts
    2,216
    Mentioned
    3 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Joy View Post
    That said, I do feel compelled to be very useful to them. I put more effort into the relationship than they do because I feel like it's enough for them just to be who they are. And I don't mind doing it. However, it falls apart when their lack of an IJ temperament starts to get frustrating. Then I just say "screw it" and stop caring as much about the relationship.
    I can relate
    3w4-5w6-9w8

  18. #18
    Joy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    TIM
    SEE-Se
    Posts
    24,501
    Mentioned
    58 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Being a beneficiary sucks because your benefactor isn't consistent enough with their creative function. And it sucks when that function happens to be Fi.
    SEE-Se, 852 sx/so

    Check out my Socionics group! https://www.facebook.com/groups/1546362349012193/

  19. #19
    Currently God Brilliand's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    Nevada
    TIM
    LII
    Posts
    4,246
    Mentioned
    4 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Joy View Post
    Being a beneficiary sucks because your benefactor isn't consistent enough with their creative function. And it sucks when that function happens to be Fi.
    I don't think it matters which function is your DS and their creative...



    LII-Ne

    "Come to think of it, there are already a million monkeys on a million typewriters, and the Usenet is NOTHING like Shakespeare!"
    - Blair Houghton

    Johari

  20. #20
    Joy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    TIM
    SEE-Se
    Posts
    24,501
    Mentioned
    58 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    But if it's Fi, the friendship itself is what's on the line.
    SEE-Se, 852 sx/so

    Check out my Socionics group! https://www.facebook.com/groups/1546362349012193/

  21. #21

    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Posts
    547
    Mentioned
    2 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    I agree with Joy; I am pretty sure it varies depending on what IM elements are involved. A LII and a LIE are likely to agree because the effect their benefactor has on them is going to be similar, as both have ethical DS functions.

  22. #22
    yeves's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2014
    TIM
    Si 6 spsx
    Posts
    1,259
    Mentioned
    38 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Their values and worries are too alien for me to be intimidated by them ... it could also be my quasi-identical.

  23. #23
    dugga dugga dun Narc's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    TIM
    Ni-ENTj 8w9 sx/sp
    Posts
    1,288
    Mentioned
    101 Post(s)
    Tagged
    4 Thread(s)

    Default

    It's a resounding 'no' from me.

  24. #24
    Contra's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2014
    TIM
    ILI-Ni
    Posts
    1,405
    Mentioned
    55 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    yeah, IEEs are kind of hard to find intimidating.

  25. #25
    Darn Socks Director Abbie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    Southwest USA
    TIM
    LSE
    Posts
    6,728
    Mentioned
    237 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    It says I voted "Yes." The answer is, "No; my benefactor doesn't intimidate me. My beneficiary sometimes does."

    ESTj
    1w2 sp/so 1-2-6
    Brilliand's Younger Sister
    Squishy's Older Sister

    Johari Nohari

    Quote Originally Posted by Ritella View Post
    Over here, we'll put up with (almost) all of your crap. You just have to use the secret phrase: "I don't value it. It's related to <insert random element here>, which is not in my quadra."
    Quote Originally Posted by Aquagraph View Post
    Abbie is so boring and rigid it's awesome instead of boring and rigid. She seems so practical and down-to-the-ground.

  26. #26
    Haikus Beautiful sky's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    EII land
    TIM
    EII INFj
    Posts
    22,740
    Mentioned
    531 Post(s)
    Tagged
    6 Thread(s)

    Default

    Yes because benefactors bitch at you , they think you're always doing something wro g, sees ytas a dependant on them, are not pleased with you, rey to correct you. Yeah It's not like duality. Getting a person out of activity and benefit relations into the rhythm of duality is hard tok because thwy are so used to being critical that they speak more than they listen. Messed up but wtha little time they can be used to duality.

  27. #27

    Join Date
    Oct 2014
    TIM
    LSI-Se sx
    Posts
    3,394
    Mentioned
    340 Post(s)
    Tagged
    25 Thread(s)

    Default

    No, I don't know SEIs much... I recall this example where one SEI tried to interfere but I didn't find it intimidating, just condescending.

  28. #28
    Rhaegar's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Location
    WA
    TIM
    ILI
    Posts
    55
    Mentioned
    9 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    In general, yes.

    The level of intimidation changes based on the subtype however. In the case of the LSI-Ti, the relation ends up feeling less asymmetric due to my ability to understand and respect their rules and systems. Interaction often ends up feeling more like a collaboration effort with the LSI acting in the leading role but roughly equal status wise.

    LSI-Se on the other hand is extremely intimidating for me, at least on initial contact. At first they seem rather quiet to me, but then out of a nowhere they'll hit me with a very smug Se and knock me off balance. It's like walking through the city with headphones in just cruising along and then suddenly stepping into a bear trap. But after the initial disorientation I get excited and tune in because whoohoo a confident badass! Then I try to offer some Te only to be shut down with calm, cool, confident Se. Basically I end up feeling like they think I'm a moron while I'm just stunned and impressed. I can see why these relations can often lead to long term romances if both partners find each other attractive.

  29. #29
    Haikus
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Location
    Berlin
    TIM
    LSI 5w6 sx/so
    Posts
    5,421
    Mentioned
    144 Post(s)
    Tagged
    1 Thread(s)

    Default

    Uhm I don't even know who my Benefactor is supposed to be.

    SLI. ok. nope. I often find them too dry, stagnant, and passive. Never had any close relationship with one. Only a SLI-Si quasi-friend once ... she was a student of my LSI-Ti ex and wanted to learn my native language, so we used to meet for Tandems (I was learning German). She was smartish and she she had a strange kind of sensitivity (for a Te type, I mean). Technically our experience was great. But in her private life there was something I couldn't stand about her. She kept jumping from one decision to another e.g. applying for a scholarship abroad, asking for recommendation letters, going and getting the necessary documents, being awarded the stuff, then ...ooops, wait, I was actually in contact with a dude who lived there at the same time and we're not getting along anymore, so I'm not even going on my scholarship. Wtf. Also she kept complaining about her "sick" mom who had emotional outbursts whenever she stayed out too late without letting her know. Her mom was prolly some ESE manipulating her in high style. But chick was in her late 20s. Probably e6 sp/sx.

    Nah. Otherwise Germany is full of SLIs and LSIs ... the former are the best at always respecting conventions and rules. LSIs often have an ironic attitude towards them and can go a bit wild when convenient.

  30. #30
    The Quiet Individualist Waster's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    Location
    UK
    TIM
    SLI-Si(H)5w6 sp/sx
    Posts
    355
    Mentioned
    37 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Slacker View Post
    When they stay here, she insists that she does all the cooking, and then if she gets mad at me she punishes me by not giving me enough food to eat.





    As we reach for the stars, we must put away childish things; gods, spirits and other phantasms of the brain. Reality is cruel and unforgiving, yet we must steel ourselves and secure the survival of our race through the unflinching pursuit of science and technology.
    - Stellaris

  31. #31
    killer wolf lemontrees's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Location
    emotionz
    TIM
    SEI
    Posts
    1,116
    Mentioned
    100 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    um a little.

    i live with an EII. the descriptions hold pretty true.

    however we can hold long interesting conversations if I just talk "Fi" to him, like pretending to be an ESI. but it only works if i'm energetic; otherwise I default.


    oh i also want to add that i find them *really* needy
    Last edited by lemontrees; 04-29-2015 at 06:52 PM.

  32. #32
    both sides, now wacey's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Location
    Canada
    TIM
    9w8
    Posts
    3,288
    Mentioned
    124 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Not at all.

    But, they do run the spectrum of being people I like spending my free time with (safe harbours, Mr. dependable) and exacerbatingly ignore. Because they are Ip there is a certain amount of respect for personal space/boundaries. I never feel like they are intruding and they never do the same. Good attitude of live and let live. As long as I remain even keeled and don't come unpeeled over anything (not always easy), then we usually get along in each other's company for a very long time. Any sign of Se and they set their sails and head for calmer seas. I'm benefited by their real world practical experience and environment creation (creative Te) and know that food is somewhere on the menu.... my life is often enriched by them in very useful ways.

    In the negative, I hate the "just go behind the back approach" to get what they want done, the non-commital attitude to pretty much anything and everything, the subtle self-centeredness, the total unwillingness to move when pushed at any pace other then their own, and the being the sweetest most "what you see is what you get" types that makes it impossible to not admire, even when I am, for whatever reason, upset with them. Also, how straightforward in an obtuse kind of way they can be is very disappointing (and enduring?). There is always a little smugness I have noticed in them towards me, although some are less conspicuous about that.

    There definitely is a mixture of admiration, reliance, and mutual friendship I feel towards each other. A slight pragmatic disadvantage I notice around them, with me being on the benefited side of things. I am pretty proficient and cognizant of Si, so its the logics of actions they are the most help with. And being that reliable buddy who doesn't hold much judgements towards me as a person and my character. Their care-taker erotic style can be rejuvenating, some of you may know what I am talking about. A nice "shelter" they offer. amirte?

    btw, I am talking about SLI.
    Last edited by wacey; 04-30-2015 at 04:05 AM.
    "Traffic lights and loneliness. Paper cans and tape cassettes. When the world feels like this. Static shocks and bitterness."

  33. #33
    Haikus Beautiful sky's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    EII land
    TIM
    EII INFj
    Posts
    22,740
    Mentioned
    531 Post(s)
    Tagged
    6 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by lemontrees View Post
    um a little.

    i live with an EII. the descriptions hold pretty true.

    however we can hold long interesting conversations if I just talk "Fi" to him, like pretending to be an ESI. but it only works if i'm energetic; otherwise I default.


    oh i also want to add that i find them *really* needy

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •