Met an ISTp! (finally)

[Wrong Way Ticket]

Well, here's the blunt answer.

After a certain amount of time, the push-pull stuff gets old and annoying. I'm not someone they can patronize, disrespect, manipulate... etc etc etc. We like emotional evenness, not dealing with someone who persistently acts like a 5 year old.

In short, GROW UP.

Yeah, this. Except, they're more likely to tell you to grow up, for you know, pointing that out.

I'm not down on all SLIs. Just the ones I've experienced. =[

[Wrong Way Ticket]

Im not down on all SLIs. I only know a handful that I can speak about. She spent a lot of time getting me hooked and then began pulling away. Now its all push and pull. I feel like a drug addict which is really embarassing because I always like to be in control of my feelings.

It really sucks how familiar this sounds. I wish my experience was completely out of the ordinary.

[jewels]

ok, so after a fight (where I could see his perspective and it made sense), I decided to just trust him. And give him the benefit of the doubt. Wow, I've been way happier since then. And since I was happier, he seemed happier and nicer (and even more reassuring I think since I wasn't putting him on the defensive).

And all of my weird feelings seem to have lifted.

Amazing how once I start overanalyzing, it's hard to stop. I think I just had some trust issues and started dissecting.

Girls are still hitting on him, but it's not bothering me as much. If it gives him an ego boost, ok, whatever.

Things should be better now I think.

[Creepy-male]

Wait, hold up. Something is rotten in the state of Gulmark...

Did I just give helpful advice that had something to do with reality?

[Creepy-male]

I guess that was shocking enough to give the thread a heart attack

[Cyrano]

Yeah, this. Except, they're more likely to tell you to grow up, for you know, pointing that out.

I'm not down on all SLIs. Just the ones I've experienced. =[

If it helps, know that it's not on purpose. It's not like we do that to play games. It's just that we HATE to be labled, classified, or committed.

[SenoritaC]

If it helps, know that it's not on purpose. It's not like we do that to play games. It's just that we HATE to be labled, classified, or committed.

SLIs need to be the ones to make decisions. or they at least need to feel that they are. so what that means is that if you are wanting to begin a relationship with an SLI and they also like you, you still should hold off and let the SLI be the one to make the official decision and move in to ask for or just indicate a committment. they need to feel in control, and they are afraid to give up control of themselves or of a situation that they see as somewhat dangerous, such as beginning a new relation.

sometimes they do the push pull push things because they want to get closer but it scares them, so when they see the other person moving towards them too they might get scared and back off because all of the sudden it feels like they might go further than they had wanted to so the SLI needs to reset the dstance between themselves and the other person.

[Cyrano]

SLIs need to be the ones to make decisions. or they at least need to feel that they are. so what that means is that if you are wanting to begin a relationship with an SLI and they also like you, you still should hold off and let the SLI be the one to make the official decision and move in to ask for or just indicate a committment. they need to feel in control, and they are afraid to give up control of themselves or of a situation that they see as somewhat dangerous, such as beginning a new relation.

sometimes they do the push pull push things because they want to get closer but it scares them, so when they see the other person moving towards them too they might get scared and back off because all of the sudden it feels like they might go further than they had wanted to so the SLI needs to reset the dstance between themselves and the other person.

Ooo you're good.

[SenoritaC]

Ooo you're good.

okay, im glad an SLI can confirm

do other SLIs agree as well?

[tiny_dancer]

I'm not SLI, but given my observations, that's an excellent explanation. It's a pity we IEEs are so damn impatient! Well, when we find someone we like...

[jewels]

I think that's true...but then again, us IEEs apply less pressure than probably any other type. Or at least, I think we do! So by not making the SLIs feel obligated or like they have to suddenly give up their whole life for us, I think it leaves room for them to want to want things to move forward.

Usually with guys of other types I would wait a month or a bit longer until the guy said he wanted to be exclusive (I'd try very hard to keep my mouth shut and not say anything).

But w/ my SLI bf, I actually brought it up after 2 weeks (we'd spent a looot of time together already though). I just asked it as a question and said I wasn't trying to push him into anything, and he enthusiastically agreed and wanted to be exclusive. I had actually never asked a guy that (usually waiting for them), but I think I could tell he just wasn't going to do it -- he later said he always waited for the girl to ask, so he didn't have to risk the rejection.

By the way, things are going much better w/ the ISTp . There were a BUNCH of issues that I insisted on plowing through and I was shocked that he saw things so differently. Really, he didn't have bad intent at all...just a total lack of knowing how things were coming across socially. It's still amazing to me someone can see things so completely differently than me, but ok, if he's nice to me than whatever.

[thePirate]

I think that's true...but then again, us IEEs apply less pressure blah blah.... It's still amazing to me someone can see things so completely differently than me, but ok, if he's nice to me than whatever.

you know whats amazing to me?

how you consistently act as a representative for IEE's.

I recommend you speaking for yourself.

[Kim]

I have never experienced the push/pull thing with SLIs...With my ex, things went as smoothly as can be. We talked a lot, met, felt very comfortable around each other and the relationship just sort of happened. When there was a fight, it was within the context of our relationship, meaning we knew we are a couple having an argument (rather than two people having an argument that threatens the relationship).

Sometimes I wonder if the American dating system just complicates everything with all this dating vs relationship vs base xyz vs kiss on what day stuff.

[tiny_dancer]

Sometimes I wonder if the American dating system just complicates everything with all this dating vs relationship vs base xyz vs kiss on what day stuff.

Yes, it does. And it's such a load of crap. I don't adhere to that stuff, but usually by the time I meet an SLI, they've dated several psycho chicks and you can see the wariness.

[jewels]

so things have gotten much better. In person it's awesome, it's mostly just the texting that's caused problems as we both make assumptions. But in person I can read him well which helps me figure out the problem. I'm probably annoying in my persistence to figure everything out, but I don't like lingering conflicts...

I think I also had some trust issues (not saying he's perfect, no one is, but I assumed bad intentions in situations where there weren't any) -- prob due to the last guys I dated.

So anyway, just wanted to update . And seriously it's such a great mix of aloofness with caring-ness. So yeah good times.

[SenoritaC]

i find SLIs know own needs very well in heads or minds, not heart's needs maybe though. but are very logical with regarding relations, will rarely or not ever enter new relation if see no potential for getting what they want, though what they want may be only the sex or may be something longer.

SLIs trust themselves very much, they become annoyed when others do not also trust them as much. in SLI mind, if he is trustworthy it is enough and other people and especially lover should also trust.

SLIs are as i have said here very logical, like to enter relations only if see the potential for what they want. are making sure of everything in beginning stages of relation, and may move slowly because of this need. but have patience and trust and it will work out if it is best for both, SLIs can be excelent companions in many ways

[Creepy-male]

And seriously it's such a great mix of aloofness with caring-ness.

Aloofness how? I'm curious. Could you elaborate a bit on this?

[jewels]

Aloofness how? I'm curious. Could you elaborate a bit on this?

As for aloofness, I'd prefer to engage someone I guess, and I like it if they're comfortable just sitting back (but open to me talking of course). If someone is already in my face, I get annoyed. It's fine for friends tho.

So because of that, I've always had crushes on guys who were quieter, looked serious and like they were thinking -- so that ended up mostly being introvert thinkers. (though I sometimes confused quiet extroverts).

I like that my ISTp bf, if he has nothing to say, will just sit back in his chair -- this is of course after the initial dating period where everyone is "trying."

Most other guys (extroverts or introverted feelers) will lean forward in their chair and sorta constantly talk. (Don't get me wrong, sometimes he does lean forward and talk a lot). However, he'll often just sit back and just look around, or not really care about anything. I like that. Of course if I talk he's more than interested. But I really need some moments of silence when I'm hanging w/ someone for long periods of time. And I like that sometimes he looks aloof and I don't know what he's thinking.

One of my friends used to tease me that I always went for the socially awkward boys standing in corners alone -- so true. The life of the party guys I find kinda boring. ISTps can be really outgoing when they want to be, but their default is more aloof/laid back and I like that.

[Park]

As for aloofness, I'd prefer to engage someone I guess, and I like it if they're comfortable just sitting back (but open to me talking of course). If someone is already in my face, I get annoyed. It's fine for friends tho.

So because of that, I've always had crushes on guys who were quieter, looked serious and like they were thinking -- so that ended up mostly being introvert thinkers. (though I sometimes confused quiet extroverts).

I like that my ISTp bf, if he has nothing to say, will just sit back in his chair -- this is of course after the initial dating period where everyone is "trying."

Most other guys (extroverts or introverted feelers) will lean forward in their chair and sorta constantly talk. (Don't get me wrong, sometimes he does lean forward and talk a lot). However, he'll often just sit back and just look around, or not really care about anything. I like that. Of course if I talk he's more than interested. But I really need some moments of silence when I'm hanging w/ someone for long periods of time. And I like that sometimes he looks aloof and I don't know what he's thinking.

One of my friends used to tease me that I always went for the socially awkward boys standing in corners alone -- so true. The life of the party guys I find kinda boring. ISTps can be really outgoing when they want to be, but their default is more aloof/laid back and I like that.

That's what I like about ENFp's (and other irrational feelers). Unlike many Fe rationals, say ESFjs, you give us space and don't expect as to look all happy and cheerful all the time, which is really fucking annoying (and need I say tiring) when someone expects that from you, or they think you're unhappy if you look serious and try to influence your mood constantly.

[Marie84]

That's what I like about ENFp's (and other irrational feelers). Unlike many Fe rationals, say ESFjs, you give us space and don't expect as to look all happy and cheerful all the time, which is really fucking annoying (and need I say tiring) when someone expects that from you, or they think you're unhappy if you look serious and try to influence your mood constantly.

I've heard Te's complain about this a lot; they seem to get annoyed when someone misinterprets their reservedness as being angry or unhappy

[Park]

I've heard Te's complain about this a lot; they seem to get annoyed when someone misinterprets their reservedness as being angry or unhappy

Yup. Nice avatar.

[Joy]

Met an ISTp! (finally)

Sounds anti-climactic.

Seems super fun! I couldn't stop myself from talking non-stop though, which was kind of embarrassing. oh well.

The last thing you need to worry about with an SLI is embarrassing yourself.

[eddikens]

Sounds anti-climactic.



The last thing you need to worry about with an SLI is embarrassing yourself.

Why is that?

[Creepy-Cyclops]

Why is that?

Yeah it's interesting, it's difficult for people to embarrass themself around me, i'm not sure why, I just think we're all people and who cares about w/e it is. Maybe that is just me though, perhaps Joy's got a better explanation.

Maybe I appreciate the genuiness of the person when they do or say something that's thought of as embarrassing.

[Marie84]

Yup. Nice avatar.

Thank you

[Joy]

Yeah it's interesting, it's difficult for people to embarrass themself around me, i'm not sure why, I just think we're all people and who cares about w/e it is. Maybe that is just me though, perhaps Joy's got a better explanation.

Maybe I appreciate the genuiness of the person when they do or say something that's thought of as embarrassing.

Why is that?

Because SLI's are so socially awkward themselves and just really laid back in general. As long as you're encouraging them and not expecting them to be socially adept, they'll be comfortable with you.

Basically, they're not expecting you not to be socially weird. Just to be yourself.

[Cyrano]

Because SLI's are so socially awkward themselves and just really laid back in general. As long as you're encouraging them and not expecting them to be socially adept, they'll be comfortable with you.

Basically, they're not expecting you not to be socially weird. Just to be yourself.

Now wait a minute. "Socially awkward? " Parkster? Jessica? Ollo?, Dante? ME!!!!? We can hang with others and fit in just fine. We just don't need much social interaction.

[tiny_dancer]

heh heh Yeah, sometimes SLIs seem better at relationships than myself simply because they tend to hang on to friends longer and are more willing to relax in a relatively unstimulating environment. Living with one has made me realize how often I ditch groups when I've reached my boredom threshold. They're much better at keeping relationships through consistent interaction and just "being" with people in the moment - even if that moment would put me to sleep.

[jessica129]

Now wait a minute. "Socially awkward? " Parkster? Jessica? Ollo?, Dante? ME!!!!? We can hang with others and fit in just fine. We just don't need much social interaction.

Yeah, I think people have a very messed up impression of SLI's. I don't consider myself socially awkard in the slightest, quite the opposite to be honest. It's comments like that that make me wonder if I really am even SLI or if they're just wrong.

[Creepy-]

Yeah, I think people have a very messed up impression of SLI's. I don't consider myself socially awkard in the slightest, quite the opposite to be honest. It's comments like that that make me wonder if I really am even SLI or if they're just wrong.

They're wrong. SLIs are as socially adept as anyone ime... moreso at times.

[thePirate]

They're wrong. SLIs are as socially adept as anyone ime... moreso at times.

I disagree with this

they have a tendency to respond awkwardly to things, this being through their lack of caring about things in general and how they respond to emotional topics/groups.(this is part of why I like them)

they CAN be, sure. I have seen one or two do fine, but as a generality I dont hold your statement as true.

I could be wrong though, anyone see it differently?

[Creepy-]

I disagree with this

they have a tendency to respond awkwardly to things, this being through their lack of caring about things in general and how they respond to emotional topics/groups.(this is part of why I like them)

they CAN be, sure. I have seen one or two do fine, but as a generality I dont hold your statement as true.

I could be wrong though, anyone see it differently?

Ah okay. Maybe I should have added the bolded before: SLIs are as socially adept as anyone ime... moreso at times when they want to be.

[eddikens]

Yeah it's interesting, it's difficult for people to embarrass themself around me, i'm not sure why, I just think we're all people and who cares about w/e it is. Maybe that is just me though, perhaps Joy's got a better explanation.

Maybe I appreciate the genuiness of the person when they do or say something that's thought of as embarrassing.

I have experienced more than my share of "embarrasing moments" (seems like on a daily basis ) and have found that ISTP's don't react in the same way that an extrovert would. In fact, they don't seem to react at all, other than calmly pointing out where my car keys are, where my car IS, or which city we happen to be located at the moment. . .

So yeah, I'll take the pragmatic response over a "what a freaking space cadet" anytime.

[jewels]

I have experienced more than my share of "embarrasing moments" (seems like on a daily basis ) and have found that ISTP's don't react in the same way that an extrovert would. In fact, they don't seem to react at all, other than calmly pointing out where my car keys are, where my car IS, or which city we happen to be located at the moment. . .

So yeah, I'll take the pragmatic response over a "what a freaking space cadet" anytime.

LOL. I seem to have half and half responses from my SLI bf. When I'm anticipating he'll criticize something (like my fridge that has a jenga style balance of foods that requires some skill in putting anything back as it's full of oddly placed things -- this is a fridge style that has been criticized often by people in a state of disbelief that a fridge can even look like this) -- and he'll say nothing and act like that's fine, as he easily manages to balance something on top without anything falling.

But then a slightly messy drawer may get a lot of teasing. "wow. um, look at all of that stuff. geez, how much stuff do you have in there? etc." It's hard to tell if he's actually criticizing or is just trying to be teasing/silly and get a reaction or something.

And same thing with forgetting where I am. Most of the time totally nice about not even saying anything. But then I once said "oh I remember we walked by here on one of our first dates" and he was like "We've walked by here maybe 15 times! How could you not konw!" To which I have to remind him that I am oblivious to my surroundings.

[jaZ]

LOL. I seem to have half and half responses from my SLI bf. When I'm anticipating he'll criticize something (like my fridge that has a jenga style balance of foods that requires some skill in putting anything back as it's full of oddly placed things -- this is a fridge style that has been criticized often by people in a state of disbelief that a fridge can even look like this) -- and he'll say nothing and act like that's fine, as he easily manages to balance something on top without anything falling.

But then a slightly messy drawer may get a lot of teasing. "wow. um, look at all of that stuff. geez, how much stuff do you have in there? etc." It's hard to tell if he's actually criticizing or is just trying to be teasing/silly and get a reaction or something.

And same thing with forgetting where I am. Most of the time totally nice about not even saying anything. But then I once said "oh I remember we walked by here on one of our first dates" and he was like "We've walked by here maybe 15 times! How could you not konw!" To which I have to remind him that I am oblivious to my surroundings.

The SLI NEVER jokes.

[jewels]

The SLI NEVER jokes.

really?

[greed]

really?

oh man

You've just witnessed a SLI-natured joke. Congratulations! Use this experience to further your understanding of your SLI.

[Suz]

Interesting! Well, I wouldn't say I see the Si subs as "cranky" -- I mean of course I think they're awesome being Istps and all! It's more that the Te ones are a little bit more business-like or blunt or something, and I like that.

Really interesting thread!

Interestingly, people always comment about this SLI I know that he always looks mad and that he looks like he hates being on the job. I was so surprised to hear people say that because I didn't see that about him at all.

BTW, the way Te-subtypes are being described here, sounds like he is Te-subtype (or he just uses a lot more Te at work).

[Suz]

While I'm on the topic of SLI expressions, isn't it just the best thing in the world when they laugh?

YES!!!!
I've seen it happen and it touches my heart.

[Cyrano]

Yeah, I think people have a very messed up impression of SLI's. I don't consider myself socially awkard in the slightest, quite the opposite to be honest. It's comments like that that make me wonder if I really am even SLI or if they're just wrong.

Sister, you are one of us. In fact you are our poster child, pin-up-girl, spokesperson.