Another lesson kiddos

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

Types are not about how sweet and gentle or overbearing a person is. There are going to be sweet, gentle people whom you will hate and there will be overbearing, loud people who you will enjoy. The reason why you like and dislike a person is just a lot more complicated then 'Oh I don't like you because you are overbearing.'

'Sweet and gentleness' isn't Ni or Fi leading or any of that and 'Loud and Overbearing' isn't Se-leading either.

IT'S JUST MORE NUANCED THEN THAT ARGH!

It's a *Psychological* theory. It's about how people think, what their values are, when the shit hits the fan, how they react to things. Not what they do, or even how they're doing it but 'what they think about how they're doing it.' And even that's only just beginning to scratch the surface.

A good way to determine type is to read people's energy. How your *internal* energy meshes with theirs. Their base vibrations. Don't overcomplicate things but don't simplify things either, wrapping things up too neatly too quickly. It's just that some people's energies really, really annoy you right? It doesn't matter what they do or what they say, you just don't like them. They could give you all the riches in the world and you'd still feel like something is 'Off', internally. And likewise, there are vibes of people that you really enjoy, right? It is internal energy/information metabolism and psychological innate processes. Anybody can *act* or be a certain way. If a certain *trait* annoys you, it's for non-socionics reasons. Does anybody like people they personally find rude, obnoxious? Of course not.

It is more subjective than objective, from an innate level because it's about how *your* energies clash with somebody else's and how can anybody tell you what you feel besides you? Everybody deserves basic respect, you could argue, but not everybody deserves your love or your time or your devotion. Not everybody deserves to see the real, internal, subjective you.

Why do we have favorites? Why do we have preferences? Everybody is so different. You go to everybody's desktop now, and it would all be organized a different way. Yet anybody could go out in society, and act overbearing, 'gangsta, shy sweet etc. The truth is, all of that is a MASK. The personality *is* the outside. But the true personality, the 'default' one is a reflection of somebody's 'true self', who they really are in *both* their mind's eye and the view of others. Don't be so sheltered and naive that you think somebody is your type just because they are superficially nice, sweet, gentle, caring with you. Because anybody can act like that! DO YOU GET ME!!!! YES YOU GET IT, YES!

RANT OFF!

[717495]

You make me wish I was a gay ESTp. Then reality kind of sets in, ah.

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

I've met PLENTY of people on the surface or outside, who seemed to really have my back. They just seemed to really like me, you know? But as we got deeper it just got worse and worse and worse. The more I was really 'real' with him, and not you know that social mask people do- the more they tried to bully, insult, demean, and belittle me (And I did the exact same to them)

I can be a sugar plum fairy to your face but inside I can think nothing of you. I can be outwardly rude to you and push you down a fleight of stairs but internally I can think the world of you. Why does this happen? Cause people are fucking nuts that's why, every single one of us. Have you ever really checked the world, looked at it? Everybody is psychotic because nobody really understands other people's inner worlds, they barely understand their own. They try to simplify and make a connection, a general point of rules for everybody to follow. The safe path. But it just doesn't work. The truth is, as time goes by the people that really understand you become less and less and less. And your left just kinda....robotizing yourself, so you don't go to prison for insulting somebody's private dreamspace. Psychologically awakening, regardless of our actions, is the only way out of the mess.

[redbaron]

another great post, B&D!!!

you know, my husband is a GREAT GUY. Really. I could write a long and glowing recommendation letter for him. But we just don't get along that well! It's not because there's anything wrong with either of us. Our energies do not mesh! And it's frustrating because no matter how hard each of us tries to be the best person we can be, we don't "fit" together very well (except sex, which works pretty darn well). I think we fell in love with each other's personas---wow we had it all customized and perfect and everything fit externally--and now that we're our true selves.... well, it just doesn't work that well.

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

You make me wish I was a gay ESTp.

Haha. <3.

[redbaron]

Everybody is psychotic because nobody really understands other people's inner worlds, they barely understand their own. They try to simplify and make a connection, a general point of rules for everybody to follow. The safe path. But it just doesn't work. The truth is, as time goes by the people that really understand you become less and less and less. And your left just kinda....robotizing yourself, so you don't go to prison for insulting somebody's private dreamspace. Psychologically awakening, regardless of our actions, is the only way out of the mess.

yes, yes!

[Slacker]

Is this about me saying Katy Perry or whatever her name is has a lightness or gentleness that doesn't seem like someone with leading Se? That doesn't mean I think everyone with leading Se isn't gentle, or that there's a connection between "gentle" and "not Se". Just that her airyness doesn't feel to me like an SEE. There's a different type of energy to how she presents herself.

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

I think we fell in love with each other's personas---wow we had it all customized and perfect and everything fit externally--and now that we're our true selves.... well, it just doesn't work that well.

Hmm honestly, I think you might be judging your relationship with your husband too prematurely. Just remember that there are plenty of non-socionics reasons to be with somebody. You can make a relationship work on so many levels because well, people are just innately flexible like that. Even if you're not psychologically compatible, if you find yourself compatible in other ways then I think it can work out. But I don't know since the psychological force is so strong for me personally. Have you thought about leaving him?

Don't really worry about it, if your husband isn't a perfect match for you. The truth is your perfect psychological match requires a lot of strength and independence most people just don't have, and if you don't really have it I wouldn't be too hard on yourself because well, I don't either. You have to be yourself without compromises 24/7 and I just don't think that's possible due to the world we're living in. Everybody says 'just be yourself' but so few people walk the talk. Any job, no matter how ideal it is, requires you sucking up some of your subjective precious moments and 'just doing it' for the sake of everybody else.

Plus there's just so many realms of reality and situations that have nothing to do with socionics, so idk. If a relationship is working, even on an external level, I'd keep it. Sometimes we think there's something better for us out there, but that might not be true. I guess the only thing to ask yourself is 'Am I truly happy with this person?'

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

Is this about me saying Katy Perry or whatever her name is has a lightness or gentleness that doesn't seem like someone with leading Se?

No but what you said reminded me of a thinking error that people have about socionics, that's all. I know what you meant just....what you said triggered my original point.

[Krig the Viking]

I've met PLENTY of people on the surface or outside, who seemed to really have my back. They just seemed to really like me, you know? But as we got deeper it just got worse and worse and worse. The more I was really 'real' with him, and not you know that social mask people do- the more they tried to bully, insult, demean, and belittle me (And I did the exact same to them)

I dunno, I've never really had this problem. Have you ever considered that maybe they really did have your back to start with, and then your usual abrasive behaviour over time pissed them off and changed their opinion of you, resulting in the conflict you describe?