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Thread: Physical Touch during Socializing

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    Default Physical Touch during Socializing

    Is this type related?

    I've noticed people who touch me during conversation, especially during a first meeting, put me at ease and I like them better. This is not necessarily sexual in fashion, they just want to touch people to better connect, and it relaxes me and shows me that they like me.

    My instinct associates it with Se, but does Si do this as well? I'd assume introverts would do it after they get to know you more, whereas an SeFi for instance would use touch to create the initial Fi bond.
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    I've also noticed that Se-leading people (especially SEEs) tend to touch a lot when they talk, even with people they barely know. The way the two types do it is different, but they both tend to intrude on the other person's space.

    Two SEIs I know quite well don't touch other people at all, as far as I can recall. They tend to pat things though - furry objects, for example - when they're talking.
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    I think it's more related to ethical types, but not any specific one. I can see how you would think SeFi because they're less confined socially and Se has a tendency to touch and explore just for the sake of wanting to, but Fe has external tendencies that are valued such as display of endearment or affection. I've seen SEIs do physical touch plenty of times, like grabbing or lightly touching the top of the hand. So I think it's correlated to the ethical extroverted spectrum, however there are plenty of logical types who are good with their social dexterity.

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    Quote Originally Posted by octopuslove View Post
    I've also noticed that Se-leading people (especially SEEs) tend to touch a lot when they talk, even with people they barely know. The way the two types do it is different, but they both tend to intrude on the other person's space.
    And this kinda helps bring you in to the conversation? Does it energize or make you feel comfortable?
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    Quote Originally Posted by Banana Pancakes View Post
    And this kinda helps bring you in to the conversation? Does it energize or make you feel comfortable?
    SEEs creep me out when they touch me. Actually, ESEs sometimes do it too, and it doesn't creep me out at all - I think it's my subjective experience of Fe vs. Fi "warmth". SLEs only touch me after we've known each other for some time, and it's generally more along the lines of being tackled from behind or punching rather than touching during conversation, and it's generally amusing.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Banana Pancakes View Post
    Is this type related?

    I've noticed people who touch me during conversation, especially during a first meeting, put me at ease and I like them better. This is not necessarily sexual in fashion, they just want to touch people to better connect, and it relaxes me and shows me that they like me.

    My instinct associates it with Se, but does Si do this as well? I'd assume introverts would do it after they get to know you more, whereas an SeFi for instance would use touch to create the initial Fi bond.
    Interesting. I have the opposite reaction. (SLI, ISTp) I don't care to be touched. It's not conscious thing, just makes my skin crawl. Makes me distrust the toucher's intentions. I have to know you well before it's OK. I have a keep-out zone of about 3 feet for strangers.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cyrano View Post
    Interesting. I have the opposite reaction. (SLI, ISTp) I don't care to be touched. It's not conscious thing, just makes my skin crawl. Makes me distrust the toucher's intentions. I have to know you well before it's OK. I have a keep-out zone of about 3 feet for strangers.
    What's interesting is I acted like I disliked touch in the same way for a long time, and then realized I secretly enjoyed it a LOT. Get all up in my face and touch me, please
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    Quote Originally Posted by Banana Pancakes View Post
    What's interesting is I acted like I disliked touch in the same way for a long time, and then realized I secretly enjoyed it a LOT. Get all up in my face and touch me, please
    Strange huh? I thougtht I was just wierd until I discovered Socionics, and that it was normal for ISTp types.

    If everybody were like me, no one would get touched. If we were all like you, there would be much more sex.
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    I don't touch people I don't know when we talk unless we are romantically paired. So, at this point, just my husband. Oh - and my kids, so I guess any kind of very close relationship like that. But with them I can't keep myself from touching when I talk to them.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cyrano View Post
    If everybody were like me, no one would get touched. If we were all like you, there would be much more sex.
    It's definitely not sexual (unfortunately at times). That seems to be one of the problems with males especially, touch is always equated with sex.

    Quote Originally Posted by SoapOfSapphire View Post
    I don't touch people during casual conversation; that's creepy. I have an aunt who will reach out and touch me when we're talking, and it makes me shiver sometimes [which I feel bad about, but it's an involuntary reaction].
    Some people are really creepy when they touch you. I think whether you like it or not depends on the vibe you have about the person.
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    I will sometimes punch a guy friend in the shoulder as I'm passing, as a sort of hello. I used to poke my SEI friend occasionally while we were talking, for emphasis during a joke or whatever. He would just laugh. SEI only initiated touch once and that was a hug after we hadn't seen each other for awhile. I dunno. SLE friend touches too but didn't until we knew each other better. Things like grab my neck from behind as I'm walking away or the occasional hug. But we're really good friends. My close girlfriends I hug. SEE, EIE, IEI, another EIE, ESE, etc.

    touch is good. I used to be really closed off to that when I was younger but now I'm a lot more... loving or something, with all my friends.
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    I will high-five people I know when appropriate. I will hug family members I don't see much on the occasions when we meet (airports, visit grandparents, whatever). I dislike getting randomly hugged (two kids at school seem to enjoy ninja-cuddling me), but that said, this ESE lady once did this weird maneuver where she took my arm and sort of held it. Strange, almost deep moment, but not unpleasant.

    EDIT

    And maybe it's an Australian thing to give firm handshakes to randoms? I fall back on them because I refuse to do hugs or air kisses with people I'm only meeting then, regardless of gender.

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    Quote Originally Posted by redbaron View Post
    I will sometimes punch a guy friend in the shoulder as I'm passing, as a sort of hello.
    lol My SLE brother hits me over the head as a sort of hello. My EIE sister jumps on my back as a sort of hello. :/

    I don't touch people much casually, though I like to hug friends hello and goodbye or w/e. Someone I don't know well I might shake hands with, even though it's a bit formal - just because it seems better than nothing. I don't mind being touched randomly (non-creepily) - as long as it's not intense. This SEE friend of mine once grabbed my face between her hands while she was trying to get a point across. lol Awkward!
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    oh yeah, I high-five people too sometimes.
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    Sometimes I will do outrageous things like hug people I don't know because of something they say, or give high-fives to strangers. But someone touching me, say, on the arm, in the course of casual conversation, is something I find very awkward and unsettling and I usually worm my way out of it in the quickest and least awkward manner available.
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    Only do it if I know the person well and I know they're comfortable with it. To be avoided with girls with a jealous boyfriend.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly View Post
    Sometimes I will do outrageous things like hug people I don't know because of something they say, or give high-fives to strangers. But someone touching me, say, on the arm, in the course of casual conversation, is something I find very awkward and unsettling and I usually worm my way out of it in the quickest and least awkward manner available.
    I don't mean to be a prude. It just feels wrong when someone surprises me with a grab or an unexpected touch.

    High 5s are fine because I'm a participant.

    Of course, if it's RedBaron, it would be OK.
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    Quote Originally Posted by redbaron View Post
    oh yeah, I high-five people too sometimes.


    five




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    Quote Originally Posted by Cyrano View Post
    five




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    five back atcha.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly View Post
    Sometimes I will do outrageous things like hug people I don't know because of something they say, or give high-fives to strangers. But someone touching me, say, on the arm, in the course of casual conversation, is something I find very awkward and unsettling and I usually worm my way out of it in the quickest and least awkward manner available.
    Yeah, I'm the same way.
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    I only high-five people that I really respect. Generally, the only physical tough during normal socializing is a random handshake initiated by me for no particular reason.

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    I dislike "arm grabbers" in conversation if I don't know them, especially if it's the first time I've met them. I almost never touch people in conversation unless I know them pretty well.

    With good girl friends when drunk, everyone gets huggy. I don't mind that. It's the equivalent of the guy "I love you man" beer commercial thing.

    I really dislike having to hug aquaintances at social events and weddings, family reuinions, etc. It just seems like an obligation I wish there was some way to avoid. I hate that few seconds where you're waiting for people to finish hugging so you can do the olbigatory one. awkward.

    With SOs, especially Si ones, I love to be touched and am extremely cuddly.
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    Anyone want to comment on touch within Ne/Si vs Se/Ni?
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    i like touching unless it means too much

    with some people it's like they hold way too much significance with touching or something...

    i think different people have different levels to mean different things.

    like i think it's okay to hold hands in a friendship. but some people seem to reserve holding hands for romantic interactions etc blah blah.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Banana Pancakes View Post
    Is this type related?

    I've noticed people who touch me during conversation, especially during a first meeting, put me at ease and I like them better. This is not necessarily sexual in fashion, they just want to touch people to better connect, and it relaxes me and shows me that they like me.

    My instinct associates it with Se, but does Si do this as well? I'd assume introverts would do it after they get to know you more, whereas an SeFi for instance would use touch to create the initial Fi bond.
    I don't believe that it is type related.

    There's a book called "The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. Gary Chapman's Five Love Languages: Learn the Languages
    If you can get past the religious aspects of his writing, it's actually a pretty good way of looking at people and potential relationships (romantic or otherwise).

    The 5 Love Languages are:
    * Words of Affirmation - verbal appreciation, compliments, and/or words of encouragement (ie "damn that outfit looks great on you", "you're a strong person, I'm confident you'll get through this", "I trust that you'll do the right thing", etc)
    * Quality Time - focusing your energy and attention on the person (or being the recipient of that focus) (think face to face time, intimate discussions, etc)
    * Receiving Gifts - giving and receiving visual or concrete tokens of affection (ie flowers, chocolates, jewelry, etc)
    * Acts of Service - doing things for a person or having things done for you (ie offering to wash the car, offering to help move house, etc)
    * Physical Touch - no, not sexual touch, though that could be an example, but things like have been described on this thread


    You're asked to put this into the order of importance to you, both in being free to give as well as to receive. This is a good way to figure out where some relationship problems may be occurring.

    For example, my daughter answered the questions for the book for teens. I answered them as well.
    My top two are Physical Touch and Acts of Service (as long as the acts of service aren't expectations placed on me).
    Her top top two were Quality Time and Words of Affirmation.
    Unfortunately, her top two were my bottom two, and my bottom two are her top two.
    She immediately caught on to the implications of this, and then started recognizing how it plays into some of the problems we'd had.

    Since then, she makes more of an effort to give me hugs and putting her arm around me (and tolerating my doing the same to her). She also makes an effort to do an act of service.

    As well, I attempt to spend more face to face time with her, and I have a really tough time with that as I have a difficult time giving ANY thing or person my full focus and concentration. I also put in more effort to watch what words I say or don't say. And when I just can't do it...*sigh* I buy her love. I give her gifts or small tokens of my love. (since it's a shared third, it's a decent meeting ground)

    The differences between two people's love languages can make or break friendships...or at the least show where extra effort will be needed.

    Richard and I share the same top two, only in reversed order. We do little things for each other, and he tolerates very well my constant touching.

    Differences between the priorities of these can also be seen in how people judge/view each other. For example,
    * a person who doesn't much value the touching might call it "clinginess"
    * a person who doesn't much value gifts/tokens might call it "buying love"
    * a person who doesn't much value words of affirmation might call it "platitudes"

    There's a previous post where I wrote about how each of these languages could be used in giving a compliment to someone. http://www.the16types.info/vbulletin...oint-view.html

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    Quote Originally Posted by SoapOfSapphire View Post
    I don't touch people during casual conversation, and I don't generally want them to touch me either...Sometimes a hug can mean a lot if it's from someone I really know and really trust, but with most people and in most social situations I don't want to be touched; I have my bubble. A lot of times touch is not welcome and I will back away; other times I really like it and may even initiate it. Like w a SO I sometimes like all the touch I can get... cuddles lol. But obviously that doesn't apply w most people.
    I relate to all of this. my bubble.

    Quote Originally Posted by jewels View Post
    With good girl friends when drunk, everyone gets huggy. I don't mind that. It's the equivalent of the guy "I love you man" beer commercial thing.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Banana Pancakes View Post
    Is this type related?

    I've noticed people who touch me during conversation, especially during a first meeting, put me at ease and I like them better. This is not necessarily sexual in fashion, they just want to touch people to better connect, and it relaxes me and shows me that they like me.

    My instinct associates it with Se, but does Si do this as well? I'd assume introverts would do it after they get to know you more, whereas an SeFi for instance would use touch to create the initial Fi bond.
    I am one the more introverted, intuitive thinking types........

    Sometimes I hate this
    and Sometimes I like it

    it depends alot on the circumstance
    I love it with women that I am attracted to
    I hate it when I am angry and people are trying to console me

    Alot of it depends on exactly how they make the physical contact and what it conveys.... assuming your talking about positive contact.... I like it when its affectionate between men and women... I dislike it when its meant to console me or pity me..... I am neutral to it when its affection between the same sex.

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    Thinking back over my experiences... I like touching as an expression of an emotion (an immediate emotion being expressed at the time, not like my dad's hugs, which seem like efforts to convince me of the fact of his love). I'm normally ambivalent about it - I have no bubble, and will only be annoyed if the touching is uncomfortable or restricts some movement that I want to make. Oh, and sometimes I will be annoyed if the touching disrupts some thought process... this can happen even with emotional touching.



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    Quote Originally Posted by Pinocchio View Post
    I feel like touching people very strongly when I feel familiarity with them. Others I would not touch even if payed .
    This behavior of mine is not consistent, it depends on my mood, therefore I give mixed signs. As a whole I'm rather cold and distant (still, not "cold" as in "serious") than "touchy".
    Interesting..... I am very different, I am highly sensitive and aware of personal space. I don't like when people get in my personal space and especially without permission of some sort and I typically stay clear of other people's personal space for this reason.

    I think alot of knowing when to touch another person and not to is non-verbal communication. You're doing fine if you can read the non-verbal cues a person gives you and you act upon them smoothly and slowly. Its probably not a good idea to run up to some girl that is flirting with you and take that as a non-verbal cue to have sex with her without further discourse... you could but I promise it won't turn out well, so thats what I mean by slowly and smoothly.
    Last edited by male; 09-18-2009 at 05:16 AM.

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