LSIs i know seem to dislike being asked personal questions. I'm not sure why, though, or if this is necessarily an LSI thing....
Do LSIs/ISTjs dislike being asked personal questions?
LSIs i know seem to dislike being asked personal questions. I'm not sure why, though, or if this is necessarily an LSI thing....
Last edited by female; 03-11-2010 at 04:26 AM.
@soapofsapphire: could you give some examples of questions you ask him, in their respective contexts? That would shed more light.
On a purely functional level, LSIs deal with very explicit boundaries in their personal space and surroundings. You don't just happen to ask or do something; everything will affect their overall sense of control and balance, so they sort of expect a solid basis for something like being asked questions, along with brevity. Fe-seeking combined with this natural tendency can make them a bit suspicious of the manners in which people are approaching them, which is why the emotionally-modulated EIEs are such a perfect compliment for them.
Basically, just don't be an idiot around him lol. Sounds simplistic, but just try to think in the most clearly "logical" way in your actions, and don't waste breath or energy.
I hate them, too. Most people veil their insidious social schemes underneath these regurgitated questions and such, and it's just a hassle to bother with. "How are you?" is probably the most aggravating, because it's like, you don't really want to know my inner state, nor do I give enough of a shit about you to deign to illuminate your banal perception with an emotional monologue.Originally Posted by Mimosa Pudica
4w3-5w6-8w7
i would say its the weak Ne function which makes them naturally suspicious and maybe vulnerable to groups.
p.s. im finding mine to be quite open with his model b ESTP side of recollection. the istj side is focused on loyalty and isn't apt to divulge personal information for that reason,either.
lefty enfj 4w5
i dislike it when people can't be clever. i think its a big part of why delta values contradict ours. i like the ISTJs ability to talk and say nothing at all or to speak in coded language - i value that kind of thing it shows they care and creates a boundary that is more difficult for other types to penetrate.
i think betas prefer confidentiality transactionally whereas the deltas might be more skilled in overall group strategy (passive aggressive bastards hehe).
lefty
enfj
4w5
I'm not too fond of these type of questions myself either. ESPECIALLY when coming from people outside my close circle of friends. I tend to be relatively open with my family though, and people I know well and like, even at the expense of regretting it later. Sometimes I can even get a kick out of telling personal stories to someone I feel comfortable sharing with, but those things are usually not my preferred topic of discussion.
In general, I do prefer that I voluntarily share personal information when I feel comfortable over being asked around too much. And I think I tend to be attracted to people that don't ask too many personal questions but remember and keep in strict confidence the things you self-willingly share.
Last edited by Park; 09-11-2009 at 12:15 AM.
“Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”
Yeah, I don't typically use the phrase, unless in some mechanical response to a person on the phone who asks me first; occasionally it serves as a facile icebreaker when someone's anxious silence becomes too overbearing.
I actually have problems asking that question, and that's one of the reasons my (ESE) boss lists to prove that I seem uninterested in other people (and thus have a bad personality). I remember writing about not managing to ask such questions once upon a time back when I thought I was Delta. Good to know IEIs won't hate me for it.
I'm not sure about the general preferences of IEIs on this matter; most seem fairly laid-back and unassuming. I know that I don't expect that much of people in communication, and wouldn't want them to impose expectations on me; I get to know people better by sitting in silence than talking.
4w3-5w6-8w7
Nick what do you mean by "emotionally modulated" for ENFj's. I just want a clearer understanding of what you're saying.
The end is nigh
Outside of conversation starters, I'm not big on personal questions either. "Are you okay," is the worst. It's from the pit and should be damned to the hell from whence it came.
I'm not sure about my SLE friend, but I can imagine my LSI friend is not big on divulging personal information, especially to strangers.
Not a rule, just a trend.
IEI. Probably Fe subtype. Pretty sure I'm E4, sexual instinctual type, fairly confident that I'm a 3 wing now, so: IEI-Fe E4w3 sx/so. Considering 3w4 now, but pretty sure that 4 fits the best.
Yes 'a ma'am that's pretty music...
I am grateful for the mystery of the soul, because without it, there could be no contemplation, except of the mysteries of divinity, which are far more dangerous to get wrong.
It's about "minding your own business", and having information that can be used against them. LSIs can be very image-sensitive (especially 2w3s or 3w2s). Some of them particularly don't care and just don't really care to tell you I suppose.
But I do know that some LSIs are particularly avoidant of those kinds of questions, and don't like other people knowing about their 'business', because it has to do with their standing, their status, credibility, and power.
They will probably be particularly unlikely to tell you if they suspect you are going to blab things to other people or make them look bad. One LSI one complained to her SO that she was worried about things because the SO seemed like he wouldn't "cover her", so to say, and what she meant by it is that she felt uncomfortable telling him things, because he wouldn't handle that information properly in other people. To her, he would make her look bad or just kind of do silly things that made her feel rather uncomfortable at times. And I don't say this in a "how petty was she for caring so much about her image!" sort of way, her complaints were legitimate enough.
There are some other stories about that, too.
Granted, I that line of reasoning may be very specific to LSIs with a strong E3 component. I know some other LSIs who are not really E3, and seem much less concerned about that, but they seem more tacit because they simply don't like to talk about themselves. That said, some LSIs I know are rather unconcerned about all of that stuff and are actually fairly open.
mhmOn a purely functional level, LSIs deal with very explicit boundaries in their personal space and surroundings. You don't just happen to ask or do something; everything will affect their overall sense of control and balance, so they sort of expect a solid basis for something like being asked questions, along with brevity. Fe-seeking combined with this natural tendency can make them a bit suspicious of the manners in which people are approaching them, which is why the emotionally-modulated EIEs are such a perfect compliment for them.
Basically, just don't be an idiot around him lol. Sounds simplistic, but just try to think in the most clearly "logical" way in your actions, and don't waste breath or energy.
That ties into what I said in my last post, as, that LSI vested a lot of her sense of power and control in her relationships and social status with other people. That meant a lot to her psychologically as well as simply how much time she spent on it in her life, and also her self image in general.
Yeah... it really seems like LSI's require someone to emotionally bend-over-backwards for them to feel good about things. Their sensitivity seems to be, subconsciously at least, their way of "sorting out who's good for them". Those old profiles about "testing their loved ones" come to mind, etc. It makes sense I suppose, but its way too Se/Ni (and Fe/Ti) for my liking.which is why the emotionally-modulated EIEs are such a perfect compliment for them.
This.
Okay, good; I'm not crazy for seeing this, then.
You're not crazy, it's probably just apparent, or seems that way, because you're not beta. That stuff stands out more to me, because I don't value things the way betas do. Pretty much everyone who responded so far is Beta.
@SOS: Your dad sounds very much like me. I react the same way.
@Ryu: It has nothing to do with status or image. It's that they're being damn nosy and have no business prying into personal things. If I wanted to tell them something I would. It's the trying to invade me like that, that bothers me so much.
It's basically about their controlled energy and deliberate manner of expressing and receiving emotive inflections, affections, etc.
lol. See, this will definitely depend on respective types in the family; but I can say, as a beta who grew up with all Si'ers, mostly deltas, that being asked to elaborate usually entailed giving them some detailed illustration of a given experience, which I didn't give the slightest shit about. However, with people like my LSI grandfather or SLE friend, I always found solace in being able to give very curt answers that in my mind summed up something, without having to say anything more. I would guess this factors in with him.
This is what I was getting at with the EIE comment. They're always gauging this stuff – and not just mood, but overarching dispositions that vary in specific ways, in specific contexts. This type of "probing" will be received well by LSIs, as it maintains an awareness of boundaries and "rules," while seeing between the lines.Typically, he will deal with superficial questions fine. And if someone asks him "How are you?" he may or may not even acknowledge it, but it doesn't seem to really bother him as long as he isn’t pressed to answer [probably like most people]; he doesn't seem to care about that question one way or the other.
He will reveal things about himself on his terms in certain contexts, but doesn't like to be asked for "personal" information. How he deals w more personal questions depends on his mood as much as anything – in a good mood, he may use a question as an opportunity to boast about something that may or may not be directly related; in a bad mood, he may get visibly angry.
LOL... dude, tbh, I can imagine the exact type of person who would ask those questions "sweetly," because my great-aunt (ESE 2w1) is exactly like that. It honestly just makes me want to tell the person to shut the fuck up and mind their own business lol. Basically, the thing with betas, is that you have a very implicit set of rules; they're not arbitrary moral guidelines or anything, more like respective positions where you "fit." It's the Ni+Fe latent activity of people that acts as a distilling mechanism, noticing their emotional nuances and developing an understanding of themes underlying how they have, do, can and will develop; this produces an attitude of "this is basically how this person works." That meshes perfectly with Se+Ti, which is essentially about gauging discrete impacts and noticing the explicit relations between them. You HAVE to be able to sense the type of "hierarchy" a beta is dealing with when you're interacting with them; otherwise you will be left confused at why you are accepted or rejected.As an example, he met my great aunt when he and my mom got engaged, and he detested her from their very first encounter until the day she died twenty-something years later, even though they only spoke that once. Why? Because she asked him questions he didn't like. From what I’ve been told [I wasn’t there, hah] they weren’t questions I would consider "nosy," necessarily. But he didn't like that she asked him what he was studying in school [engineering - ooooh, big secret]. He got mad that she asked about his family, and seemingly anything about himself. Oh, and he is an immigrant to America, and he resented that she asked ANYthing to do with that [perhaps understandably, I guess, except that this lady was like the sweetest lady ever and would probably have asked in a genuinely interested, not pushy or snobby, way].
For example, the other day I was walking with a friend at night, and these coke whore hippies said hi to us from their porch. Lead girl was EIE, and she basically made the entire interaction into an emotional monologue, probing my friend about how much certain amounts of cocaine cost, to undermine him, or talking about her "bad vibes" about him and attempting to banish him off of her front porch. It was extremely aristocratic overall, and from the outside in, would make no sense to an observer. One would have to pay attention to HER nuances in order to gauge how she worked, which would then tell you something about her respective hierarchy. And so on.
Interesting. I never feel like I'm walking on tip-toes around LSIs, as opposed to, say, EIIs. LSIs are just solid forces to me, while still emotionally receptive. I just always make sure I don't "waste" extra energy around them (can't be as laid back as I would around my duals), and maintain a solid emotional dynamic.For some reason this made me laugh, because this is exactly what we’ve all learned - it’s interesting to see it translated into socionics-speak. Well said. The thing is, to me it feels like tip-toeing around him a lot of the time [though that feeling is related to more than just the questions thing - conflict relations suck].
I mean, at all. The people I know and trust, should know better. But it's even worse when strangers attempt to "ingratiate" like that; it feels slimy.This perspective is interesting. I dunno... when you say you don’t like being asked “How are you?” do you mean at all, or just by people you don’t know and trust?
Yeah. This ties back to that boundary preservation thing.
lol, it doesn't feel like bending over backwards to me. More like, just knowing my place and theirs, and not overstepping boundaries aimlessly.Yeah... it really seems like LSI's require someone to emotionally bend-over-backwards for them to feel good about things. Their sensitivity seems to be, subconsciously at least, their way of "sorting out who's good for them". Those old profiles about "testing their loved ones" come to mind, etc. It makes sense I suppose, but its way too Se/Ni (and Fe/Ti) for my liking.
4w3-5w6-8w7
4w3-5w6-8w7
I am totally the same way. I hate when people ask me questions, even "How are you?" or "What are you doing later?" It's just irritating... Then again, I ask questions like there's no tomorrow... But I hate having to explain what I did, where I went, what I'm doing later, why I'm doing something, etc. I'm new to the whole socionics and typings and stuff, so I can't expertly relate it to being LSI, but my feelings related to those of your father and Mimosa Pudica.
LSI (ISTj)
I don't know if it's the "belonging to the same socionics Club" or something, but it seems to me that I understand where LSIs are coming from better than people who would provoke their anger by doing this. Like if I was witnessing a situation like that, I'd probably stand on the side of the LSI and agree that people should mind their own business... which begs the question whether I'd stand up for an LSI against an IEE?
“Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”
CONNECTICUT PERSON =O
The end is nigh
This thread seems foreign and funny to me because I ask a lot of personal questions to not only LSI but everyone and I actually don't see LSI have problem answering it, I think SLI completely blocks this infromation exahnge IMO.
(D)IEE~FI-(C)SLE~Ni E-5w4(Sp/Sx)/7w8(So/Sp)/9w1(sp/sx)
Oh? I know it definity has to do with inter-type relationship but in a general sense I thought this would relate more towards SLI,Hah. That's why we are quasi-identicalz
ISTps never share their feelings with people they do not know well and will hardly ever share them with their friends. They try to avoid people who make too much effort to get inside their emotional world. They appreciate a spiritual balance very much and therefore they can be interested in all sorts of meditations, etc. Generally ISTps do not like shaking hands, hugging and similar forms of greeting. When outside their territory, ISTps may openly ignore people that they have met before.
ISTps demand complete independence. They only allow people to get close up to a certain point, where they are still out of the range from outside influence. ISTps value their friends and friendships very much. ISTps actively seek excitement and thrive on the rush of adrenaline.
ISTps have their own convictions that they will usually follow, even if they are different from common norms and moralities. This may give the impression that ISTps are not interested in other peoples opinions of them. ISTps also have a great deal of persistence which probably comes from their stubbornness giving them a reputation as obstinate, rebellious people and even delinquents when young.
(D)IEE~FI-(C)SLE~Ni E-5w4(Sp/Sx)/7w8(So/Sp)/9w1(sp/sx)
That quote is about SLIs sharing their "feelings" not personal background/activity/whatever information.
And LOL @:
“Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”
To my boo's defense, I'll say that my sister's best friend is an LSI and she enjoys bragging about herself and what she does. You almost wish you could shut her blabby mouth sometimes.
“Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”
You don't need to defend me, I am not there to defend them either, I just want to talk and think about the truth, trying to not be biased or any sort.
@ your sister's friend, maybe she will shut the hell up if she ever talk to me? :frown:
(D)IEE~FI-(C)SLE~Ni E-5w4(Sp/Sx)/7w8(So/Sp)/9w1(sp/sx)
Oh, I'm so sorry my love, I didn't mean to encourage any bias either. And I wasn't defending you, just supporting your statement with an example from my experience.
No... well see, she's your dual and there's just too much risk in letting her get to know you because then you might have a good chance of getting her laid and if you ever use that opportunity I will be in terrible pain and heartache, like... forever.
Last edited by Park; 09-12-2009 at 04:27 AM.
“Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”
OMG! CT PEOPLE
LSI (ISTj)
yeah i would say that's true that sli is still more person oriented whereas lsi are more materials oriented- but both are classified as pragmatists.
lefty
enfj
4w5
Last edited by leftylib; 09-12-2009 at 09:20 PM.
I don't like questions like that either. They ARE nosy, I mean information about yourself should be leaked out naturally and not because they asked a question. If somebody kept asking me that, somebody whom I'd prefer to keep an emotional distance with, I'd just lie to them.
They're just doing it to him because LSI is generally an introverted type and so they are like, going after him because he is quiet.
Of course.
Lame
I actually also hate questions like those. It's like the person is trying to control you, or find out where you are every minute.
Soapofsaphire, I haven't noticed this with ISTjs. I wonder if it could be something w/ yoru dad specifically? Maybe he has some touchy topics or something? ISTJs seem pretty open to me, and one-on-one they're pretty outgoing/open. I usually just wait for them to volunteer whatever info they want, or pick a conversation topic and I go with that. I like to reveal whatever random info I feel comfortable with -- and I'm pretty open about a lot of things, though not everything. Sometimes I actually don't want to answer all of their questions, as they can be really straightforward (I dont' mind that to an extent). I also know to avoid conflict w/ them by not getting into quite a few topics that I'm passionate about in a non-logical way, as they might bulldoze me.
As for IEIs asking how you are, I always liked that! I think it shows concern and to me, it seems genuine. I used to date an IEI who would say things like "how are you doing?" all the time. He was just trying to guage if I was bored or wanted to do something else, etc. But I appreciated that and it ensured I wasn't bored at some lame bar. It gave me an opening to be like "yeah, it's kinda loud here. Maybe we should go to that other place?" or whatever.
Hi! I'm an ENFP. :-)
this makes me think about that this question can be viewed generationally, too, because I think before technology became such an everyday part of our lives that people's personalities crystallized more and that social rituals and a more entrenched morality were more valued than today. so i think that's an important factor in gaging responses to this question. it seems like time is a bit absent in gaging socionics and development in individuals, too.
lefty
enfj
4w5
Last edited by leftylib; 09-14-2009 at 11:14 PM.
Agreed. I hate that. There's this girl that likes me and she wants to hang out every day and talk and aske me questions. It's really irritating because she feels the need to know what I'm doing every second of my life... Slightly smothering.
LSI (ISTj)
that's good to know, and that explains the fact my LSI friend is completely parsimonious in matter of words. He almost doesn't speak, incredibly introverted and shy. He has problems with girls too, never even kissed one and he's already 16. But he's a person of such a sophisticated taste that he's company is a great pleasure for me, he's got a really warm heart, deep inside. Not prone to stay hours talking but once I could manage to make him talk for more than two hours in a row.
"I tell you: one must have chaos within oneself, to give birth to a dancing star." - F. W. Nietzsche
"To what extent can truth endure incorporation? That is the question; that is the experiment." - F. W. Nietzsche
"Genius is a will-o'-the-wisp if it lacks a solid foundation of perseverence and fanatical tenacity. This is the most important thing in all of human life ..." - Adolf ******
"If freedom is short of weapons, we must compensate with willpower" - Adolf ******
"Kindness is a mark of faith, and whoever hath not kindness hath not faith." - Prophet Mohammed
"The hour of departure has arrived, and we go our ways — I to die, and you to live. Which is better God only knows" - Socrates
- ESTp - Se subtype - 8w7 sx/so
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