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Thread: "Coming on too strong"

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    ...been here longer than the fucking monarchy Ezra's Avatar
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    Default "Coming on too strong"

    I think most people who have an issue with this lack passion. It annoys me, because that's all it is - evidence of an impassioned life; evidence of someone who thinks about life; someone who actually gives a shit. Those who are unfazed by passion earn my respect and my interest. Often they, too, are just as passionate, and their passion is what makes them so attractive as people. Those who shy away, look fearful and ignore you because you are "vexatious to the spirit" (ironic, really, because they are the ones who are so vexatious - they don't have any spirit; they're lifeless) - they are not worth my time.

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    Hot Message FDG's Avatar
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    Probably you're just an asshole.
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ezra View Post
    I think most people who have an issue with this lack passion. It annoys me, because that's all it is - evidence of an impassioned life; evidence of someone who thinks about life; someone who actually gives a shit. Those who are unfazed by passion earn my respect and my interest. Often they, too, are just as passionate, and their passion is what makes them so attractive as people. Those who shy away, look fearful and ignore you because you are "vexatious to the spirit" (ironic, really, because they are the ones who are so vexatious - they don't have any spirit; they're lifeless) - they are not worth my time.
    passion is a great thing....drives us and what we do...you've gotta care about things. and not being put off by passionate people is the mark of someone who knows how to get people to channel their passions productively.

    ILE

    those who are easily shocked.....should be shocked more often

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    Let's fly now Gilly's Avatar
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    lmfao

    +1 for Ezra's post.
    But, for a certainty, back then,
    We loved so many, yet hated so much,
    We hurt others and were hurt ourselves...

    Yet even then, we ran like the wind,
    Whilst our laughter echoed,
    Under cerulean skies...

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    I agree, Ezra. But there are also the hyper-active, emotionally-invasive, self-aggrandizing idiots who spew bullshit in everyone's faces to gratify their hollow self-images, and when spurned, rationalize it as their being "too intense and passionate" for others. That shit, I hate.

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    "Coming on too strong" is a sign of being too self-involved. "Passion" does not require throwing yourself into people's faces.

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    Quote Originally Posted by kproj View Post
    "Coming on too strong" is a sign of being too self-involved. "Passion" does not require throwing yourself into people's faces.
    That's the thing, though. The people who are that "self-involved" welcome such kind of behavior from others, because their underlying goal is some sort of involvement with another thing. It's a sense of intimacy, pretty much. Seeing someone else with similar drives is pretty enlivening. It tells me that I don't have to hold back with them, and that they are willing to go to the end, so to speak.

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    EffyCold thePirate's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by strrrng View Post
    That's the thing, though. The people who are that "self-involved" welcome such kind of behavior from others, because their underlying goal is some sort of involvement with another thing. It's a sense of intimacy, pretty much. Seeing someone else with similar drives is pretty enlivening. It tells me that I don't have to hold back with them, and that they are willing to go to the end, so to speak.
    Thats not neccessarily true, I've seen plenty of cases where you have two 'self involved, passionate individuals' who didn't welcome the behavior from each other.

    I would agree with FDG, in that you're probably just an asshole. I would usually just say coming off as one, but hey, you're SLE right? :tongue:

    Notice the problem at hand is 'coming on too strong' not 'coming off too passionate'..

    However, I must commend you for your exquisite rationalization of douchebaggery.

    Kudos
    <Crispy> what subt doesnt understand is that a healthy reaction to "FUCK YOU" is and not

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    Let's fly now Gilly's Avatar
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    Wow, I really don't like you. Unless you prove you can do something other than make inflammatory remarks, I might actually ban you out of sheer spite.
    But, for a certainty, back then,
    We loved so many, yet hated so much,
    We hurt others and were hurt ourselves...

    Yet even then, we ran like the wind,
    Whilst our laughter echoed,
    Under cerulean skies...

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    Quote Originally Posted by thePirate View Post
    Thats not neccessarily true, I've seen plenty of cases where you have two 'self involved, passionate individuals' who didn't welcome the behavior from each other.

    I would agree with FDG, in that you're probably just an asshole. I would usually just say coming off as one, but hey, you're SLE right? :tongue:

    Notice the problem at hand is 'coming on too strong' not 'coming off too passionate'..

    However, I must commend you for your exquisite rationalization of douchebaggery.

    Kudos
    Aha. Wow, because this doesn't make you a complete asshole yourself? Fail.
    IEI, sp/sx 4w3.

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    EffyCold thePirate's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by dinki View Post
    Aha. Wow, because this doesn't make you a complete asshole yourself? Fail.
    hahaha, where did I say I wasn't?
    <Crispy> what subt doesnt understand is that a healthy reaction to "FUCK YOU" is and not

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    Agreed that "self-involved" can sometimes imply an admirable sense of drive.

    I just don't think that people who have issue with others "coming on too strong" are necessarily spiritless or lifeless...rather, they don't want people with conflicting beliefs or desires wasting their time and energy. Ezra, taking offense to these kinds of people, doesn't seem to understand this concept.

    Personally, I find people who have hidden passions, which they pursue independently, without regard to what other people think, to be much more interesting and attractive than people who feel compelled to impose their views on first contact with others.

    ...also, I think I'm probably chilling in the wrong quadra forum.

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    Quote Originally Posted by thePirate View Post
    hahaha, where did I say I wasn't?
    Touche asshole. Ezra's not offended by them, you guys are just offended by Ezra hitting a passionless nerve.

    ^^
    IEI, sp/sx 4w3.

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    Quote Originally Posted by kproj View Post
    Personally, I find people who have hidden passions, which they pursue independently, without regard to what other people think, to be much more interesting and attractive than people who feel compelled to impose their views on first contact with others.
    I absolutely agree with this and with Ezra's original post. And I don't think Ezra was talking about imposing passions on others.
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    The Soul Happy-er JWC3's Avatar
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    is being attracted to people with passion a sterotypically beta thing?
    Easy Day

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    Quote Originally Posted by thePirate View Post
    Thats not neccessarily true, I've seen plenty of cases where you have two 'self involved, passionate individuals' who didn't welcome the behavior from each other.
    Possibly, but I think the reasons why they wouldn't welcome the behavior would be largely divergent from the reasons why a calm, placid person would reject an impassioned one.

    I would agree with FDG, in that you're probably just an asshole. I would usually just say coming off as one, but hey, you're SLE right? :tongue:
    Not really.

    Notice the problem at hand is 'coming on too strong' not 'coming off too passionate'..
    Yes, and the root of the problem is not whether one 'comes off' a certain way, but rather, the motivating mechanisms for why they come off the way they do (and to a lesser extent, why the recipient takes it the way they do). Which is why it doesn't matter if someone thinks another is coming off strong, because they could simply be misinterpreting/ascribing/ignoring the true motivations for that person's behavior. And thus:

    However, I must commend you for your exquisite rationalization of douchebaggery.
    You have dumbfuck comments like this, based on presumptuous judgments from people who can't come out of their myopic bubbles enough to appreciate personality differences.


    And this petty retort:

    Quote Originally Posted by thePirate View Post
    hahaha, where did I say I wasn't?
    only renders everything you said previously ironically self-stultifying. So...

    Kudos
    Indeed.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ezra View Post
    I think most people who have an issue with this lack passion. It annoys me, because that's all it is - evidence of an impassioned life; evidence of someone who thinks about life; someone who actually gives a shit. Those who are unfazed by passion earn my respect and my interest. Often they, too, are just as passionate, and their passion is what makes them so attractive as people. Those who shy away, look fearful and ignore you because you are "vexatious to the spirit" (ironic, really, because they are the ones who are so vexatious - they don't have any spirit; they're lifeless) - they are not worth my time.
    I know this was posted in Beta quadra, so I understand that you guys don't care too much about an Ne-esque response of "it depends on the situation," but I think that judging someone because they don't respond to your energy doesn't necessarily mean that they are dispassionate... Speaking for myself, the only passion I care for is focused and controlled, and most importantly, strategic. It makes me uncomfortable when someone is passionate about something without forcing themselves to evaluate from a detached pov whatever it is that they are passionate about, so as to avoid going nowhere, wasting time, etc. I've realized that this wary disposition I have is from the inner child that is hurt badly by disillusionment . When somebody (or me) has a plan of action that convinces me of success (or there is sound logic behind it) I get energized, and become "passionate." I don't know if this applies to your situation, but I thought it might offer an alternative to those people you claim are dispassionate.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sereno View Post
    It makes me uncomfortable when someone is passionate about something without forcing themselves to evaluate from a detached pov whatever it is that they are passionate about, so as to avoid going nowhere, wasting time, etc.
    Good point. I think passion is great but reason and effectiveness should also be considered when displaying passion, especially in public.
    EII

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    Quote Originally Posted by kproj View Post
    I just don't think that people who have issue with others "coming on too strong" are necessarily spiritless or lifeless...rather, they don't want people with conflicting beliefs or desires wasting their time and energy. Ezra, taking offense to these kinds of people, doesn't seem to understand this concept.
    Having conflicting beliefs and desires is one thing; being immune to emotional activation is another. Even with people whose beliefs I disagree with, I can still become charged from hearing them speak about them, or perhaps from debating our respective beliefs. It's about the energy.

    Personally, I find people who have hidden passions, which they pursue independently, without regard to what other people think, to be much more interesting and attractive than people who feel compelled to impose their views on first contact with others.
    Same. I prefer to maintain a solid sense of internal control with most of my passions, be it a personal vision for some venture or just a hobby.

    Quote Originally Posted by JWC3 View Post
    is being attracted to people with passion a sterotypically beta thing?
    No, but it will determine what kind of "passionate" people you prefer to be around.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sereno View Post
    I know this was posted in Beta quadra, so I understand that you guys don't care too much about an Ne-esque response of "it depends on the situation," but I think that judging someone because they don't respond to your energy doesn't necessarily mean that they are dispassionate... Speaking for myself, the only passion I care for is focused and controlled, and most importantly, strategic. It makes me uncomfortable when someone is passionate about something without forcing themselves to evaluate from a detached pov whatever it is that they are passionate about, so as to avoid going nowhere, wasting time, etc. I've realized that this wary disposition I have is from the inner child that is hurt badly by disillusionment . When somebody (or me) has a plan of action that convinces me of success (or there is sound logic behind it) I get energized, and become "passionate." I don't know if this applies to your situation, but I thought it might offer an alternative to those people you claim are dispassionate.
    I care about strategic passion a lot. Immediately upon setting my vision on some distant pursuit, I will instinctively begin calculating, touching on every possible nuance, socially, emotionally, whatever, it's all there. That doesn't mean I can't express it fervently, or that doing so might even be part of the very strategy itself. Granted, I've had my fair share of short fuses, but by no means would I simply want blind enthusiasm behind a project.

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    Quote Originally Posted by strrrng View Post
    I care about strategic passion a lot. Immediately upon setting my vision on some distant pursuit, I will instinctively begin calculating, touching on every possible nuance, socially, emotionally, whatever, it's all there. That doesn't mean I can't express it fervently, or that doing so might even be part of the very strategy itself. Granted, I've had my fair share of short fuses, but by no means would I simply want blind enthusiasm behind a project.
    Yeah, I was referring to people who don't convey that they've actually given some thought into what they are passionate about. I do what you mention as well, about taking every detail into consideration, but this leads me to get feelings of massive procrastination sometimes . It's like an inverted parabolic curve for me, where I get all worked up about it, and then at the peak I realize the amount of work of making sure all the details are taken care of, and then I just go "fuck it."

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sereno View Post
    Yeah, I was referring to people who don't convey that they've actually given some thought into what they are passionate about. I do what you mention as well, about taking every detail into consideration, but this leads me to get feelings of massive procrastination sometimes . It's like an inverted parabolic curve for me, where I get all worked up about it, and then at the peak I realize the amount of work of making sure all the details are taken care of, and then I just go "fuck it."
    Yeah, those people just seem pretty futile to me lol. I agree about the procrastination -- internal parabola is a perfect metaphor. I mean, I'm usually gauging stuff like that, developments, catalysts of activity, such on. I say "fuck it" when I've mulled over things a million times, and know that I need to act before I get pulled into a mindless trap of delusional speculation. It can feel like I'm risking things, as if the calculation didn't matter, but it usually shows itself to be an intuitive realization of the most significant paths of action.

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    I've been waiting for you Satan's Avatar
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    When people used to tell me that I was "coming on too strong" I used to also
    get into fights, and I'd get kind of grabby, and I'd kind of just sustain my eyes on a girl until she dropped her defences or became hostile / repelled.

    I used to find some girls would be like "I've been warned about you" or they'd want to keep "extra" distance because they didn't trust me up close.

    Then I'd see guys who would just let girls come to them.

    And it's like they'd just say enough words that girls would hang around them / act not that reactive etc / until girls would basically just try and get up close and personal to have an impact.

    Now - me - I like to "target" who I like, and come on real strong UNTIL I hit my targets limits. And then back off / and then go back in.

    But what I love is when a girl returns more than I'm giving out, and I have to raise my game, And that there's a kind of constant bounce back.

    Anyway, for me I later realised, it's not about "coming on strong" but needing people to stay responsive to me.

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    ...been here longer than the fucking monarchy Ezra's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mimosa Pudica View Post
    You think he's ILI??

    Love it.

    Quote Originally Posted by strrrng View Post
    I agree, Ezra. But there are also the hyper-active, emotionally-invasive, self-aggrandizing idiots who spew bullshit in everyone's faces to gratify their hollow self-images, and when spurned, rationalize it as their being "too intense and passionate" for others. That shit, I hate.
    Yep definitely.

    Quote Originally Posted by thePirate View Post
    Notice the problem at hand is 'coming on too strong' not 'coming off too passionate'..
    Of course, from their perspective it is coming off too strong. It's not "too strong" at all. It's their weakness.

    Quote Originally Posted by parcel View Post
    I think passion is great but reason and effectiveness should also be considered when displaying passion, especially in public.
    Obviously.

    Quote Originally Posted by mercutio View Post
    When people used to tell me that I was "coming on too strong" I used to also
    get into fights, and I'd get kind of grabby, and I'd kind of just sustain my eyes on a girl until she dropped her defences or became hostile / repelled.

    I used to find some girls would be like "I've been warned about you" or they'd want to keep "extra" distance because they didn't trust me up close.
    That sounds pretty shit man. Although the first bit resonates a bit. Sometimes if I'm looking at someone, because I'm interested in hearing what they have to say or I'm just studying them, I would just get fearful looks from people and "chill out" (what's more, I swear one girl who did this was Se ego! Alternatively, she could've just been a typical bitchy prep girl). This is rare though. Most of these people I want to avoid, and do shortly after I get these disrespectful, misunderstanding looks.

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    Let's fly now Gilly's Avatar
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    Merky, all this in and out...she's going to think you're just using her.
    But, for a certainty, back then,
    We loved so many, yet hated so much,
    We hurt others and were hurt ourselves...

    Yet even then, we ran like the wind,
    Whilst our laughter echoed,
    Under cerulean skies...

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    Most people seem to get unnerved by glances that last more than a perfunctory two seconds or so. It's like they don't expect someone to give enough of a shit to peak past the transient mask they repetitively throw up to passerby's. yay for holographs.

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    What-ever Ezra. Is all I got to say. What-ever.

    I suppose I'm like that sometimes, given a certain circumstances. Sometimes I want passion and feeling, other times I want logic and rationality.

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    I've been waiting for you Satan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly View Post
    Merky, all this in and out...she's going to think you're just using her.
    some people want to be used

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    Quote Originally Posted by strrrng View Post
    No, but it will determine what kind of "passionate" people you prefer to be around.
    I agree, I've come to believe that each quadra has a completely different definition of "passion".
    Quote Originally Posted by Agee The Great View Post
    Nobody here...besides me, seems to know what SLE is except for maybe Maritsa.

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    Quote Originally Posted by octopuslove View Post
    I agree, I've come to believe that each quadra has a completely different definition of "passion".

    What is Betas?
    IEI, sp/sx 4w3.

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    Quote Originally Posted by dinki View Post
    What is Betas?
    I'm not sure. Constant groping? I know alpha and delta couples who say their relationship is passionate and deep, but to me it doesn't look that way at all.
    Quote Originally Posted by Agee The Great View Post
    Nobody here...besides me, seems to know what SLE is except for maybe Maritsa.

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    The Soul Happy-er JWC3's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by dinki View Post
    What is Betas?
    Passion is beta NFs.
    Easy Day

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