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Thread: IEIs/INFps becoming fixated? (on project or person)

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    Sandals parcel's Avatar
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    Default IEIs/INFps becoming fixated? (on project or person)

    I'm not sure if this is unique to Betas or IEIs, but anyone here find that when they like or become very interested in something, an idea, project, or person, they become fixated? If so, how do you pull away so you don't become too obsessed?

    Is it something you feel you can control or do you usually feel helpless to stop it?
    EII

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    redbaron's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by parcel View Post
    I'm not sure if this is unique to Betas or IEIs, but anyone here find that when they like or become very interested in something, an idea, project, or person, they become fixated? If so, how do you pull away so you don't become too obsessed?

    Is it something you feel you can control or do you usually feel helpless to stop it?
    I definitely become fixated, yes. Either on an activity or a person or an idea, and it's VERY hard, if not impossible to stop this. Whatever I'm fixated on is in my head all the time. The only thing that sometimes helps is being around other people who distract me. But even then, the moment I'm alone again, my mind goes directly back to my fixation. It's not good.
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    not a bumblebee octo's Avatar
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    Fixated on a person - I find this really difficult to control. Usually I just let it run its course and I get over it. What helps is switching the fixation onto someone else - but that's not really "helping", is it...

    Fixated on things/projects - These always tend to be pretty short-term, somewhat vapid, arbitrary obsessions.

    If I want something, I want it NOW... this happens a lot One day, I decided that I absolutely NEEDED fingerless black gloves, so I went out and looked in every store for half a day until I found a pair. (This was in the middle of summer.) That was actually a good investment, but a lot of the time I buy something and a day later, I regret it. It's not really impulse buying - that's more like seeing something and buying it straight away - it's more impulse possession.

    I also often become fixated on projects, but it doesn't last very long. At one point I was obsessed with making the perfect poached egg, so I poached 24 eggs one afternoon with varying methods. Some of them were pretty close to perfect, but by the end I couldn't taste the difference. I don't think I've made a poached egg since.

    It happens a fair bit at work as well. Last year in the middle of my project, I realised I hadn't done enough work, so in a single month I managed to complete half of what I eventually finished doing. (I think my supervisor lives in the hope that I'll pull that off again.) I also decided that I wanted to be an intimidating know-it-all, so I made flash cards and memorised about 150 reactions in a week. I still know them, but I've decided to go about being a smart-ass another way.

    My IEI friend gets obsessed with dietary regimes and ways to "improve" his life. It's always slightly nutty stuff, like cutting out all caffeine one week, or replacing all his nutritional needs with supplements, or giving only one-word answers to his superiors. They don't last very long either.

    I think the best thing to do with a lot of these fixations is to just go with them, if they aren't going to be damaging. In a way, the ultimate goals of my fixations are worthy goals, it's more just that I fixate on one particular method of reaching the goal at the expense of considering other methods, and if it doesn't work, I get distracted by other projects. Fixations on people, on the other hand, always seem more unhealthy, and I have no idea how to stop them, except by strict discipline - forcing myself to think about other people/things, trying to unlearn any reinforcing conditioned emotional responses.
    Quote Originally Posted by Agee The Great View Post
    Nobody here...besides me, seems to know what SLE is except for maybe Maritsa.

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    Sandals parcel's Avatar
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    Thumbs up

    Thanks for all your responses. I can identify with almost everything everyone said.
    EII

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    Says right in one of those caricatures that IEI's are easily infatuated.

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    Quote Originally Posted by jughead View Post
    Says right in one of those caricatures that IEI's are easily infatuated.

    To say it's simply a case of infatuation is an oversimplification. Infatuation suggests that it is only or always superficial, lacking meaning or significance which is not necessarily the case. We fall easily and quite hard but it shouldn't be so quickly dismissed as simple infatuation (although in many cases, that's all it may be). IEIs feeling are often more complexed than they seem to be.

    I'm not sure if other IEIs would agree, but although we tend to idealize our romantic interests, we tend to notice someone's qualities more readily and easily and appreciate them to a greater extent when others may not. It's both a blessing and a curse. And we are rarely recognized and appreciated for it. It seems we often care for someone or love them without receiving anything in return, fairly or unfairly, I'm not sure. Problem is when we feel too quickly and show it too easily without waiting to see whether or not our feelings are returned, it works against us as a weakness. Then we may appear desperate if we show our feelings too early. (Other IEIs, feel free to disagree). It just seems to be that, "it's just how we're built."
    Last edited by parcel; 08-29-2009 at 08:42 PM.
    EII

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    not a bumblebee octo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by krae View Post
    on the eidb forum there is a thread with the red pill in it.

    esper 10/10


    Quote Originally Posted by parcel View Post
    IEIs feeling are often more complexed than they seem to be.

    I'm not sure if other IEIs would agree, but although we tend to idealize our romantic interests, we tend to notice someone's qualities more readily and easily and appreciate them to a greater extent when others may not.
    I agree, IEIs easily extrapolate and can turn the smallest things into epic fantasies which are hard to separate from concrete facts. (But what's more important, what's visible or what could happen? Is it wrong to fall in love with someone for what they're capable of?) It's all the goddamn Ni and Fe Jedi mindtricks.
    Quote Originally Posted by Agee The Great View Post
    Nobody here...besides me, seems to know what SLE is except for maybe Maritsa.

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    Quote Originally Posted by octopuslove View Post
    I agree, IEIs easily extrapolate and can turn the smallest things into epic fantasies which are hard to separate from concrete facts.

    Yes, we have our epic fantasies but I think concrete facts are highly overrated. :wink: I've been fighting against this perception of love and attraction as being a strictly practical and realistic endeavor. For one, feelings are not rational creatures. They are not subject to logic and reason as many would have us think. This doesn't mean we can't help what we feel, but it does mean that we can't simply fit feelings into a box and tell them stay put. And different types experience and respond to feelings in unique ways, whether or not we like it. We seem to be predisposed to experience emotions in very specific ways so, maybe it's our curse.

    But what makes attraction interesting for IEIs is the feeling of possibility. Yes, we still need to be grounded in reality, but reality is often not that great. Sometimes, we just need that extra something to elevate the spirit and make us feel just a little more alive. If your life is not that exciting, living in an "epic fantasy" makes it interesting even if you know instinctively that it may not work out or it's not quite real. It makes you feel as though you're living rather than simply going through the motions. It really depends on how you see it, what you choose to take from the experience without being too engrossed in it.
    Last edited by parcel; 08-30-2009 at 06:09 AM.
    EII

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    Quote Originally Posted by octopuslove View Post
    My IEI friend gets obsessed with dietary regimes and ways to "improve" his life. It's always slightly nutty stuff, like cutting out all caffeine one week, or replacing all his nutritional needs with supplements, or giving only one-word answers to his superiors. They don't last very long either.
    I've noticed this in several IEI's. I'm always concerned that their spontaneous health pursuits will cause future medical problems
    EII INFj
    Forum status: retired

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    Lol Octolove, your post was rad.

    Yeah I get fixated, deluded, it's proper intense and consuming then it ends up burning out and I just forget about it all together, it doesn't mean anything to me.
    IEI, sp/sx 4w3.

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