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Thread: INFjs and ENFps what qualities do you find attractive in people?

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    Let's go to fairyland Minde's Avatar
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    Default INFjs and ENFps what qualities do you find attractive in people?

    In an effort to add balance to the world (one thread at a time), I pose this question - What do you find attractive or not-so-attractive in people, Delta NFs?
    INFj / EII / FiNe
    ()


    "Fairy Tales are more than true; not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten." - G.K. Chesterton

    "Have courage and be kind." - Cinderella's mom

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    Quote Originally Posted by Minde View Post
    In an effort to add balance to the world (one thread at a time), I pose this question - What do you find attractive or not-so-attractive in people, Delta NFs?
    Hmmm, in terms of physical attractiveness I do have list of things that I find particularly attractive:

    - Broad shoulders. I don't mean like bulging muscle shoulders, but something about this look in a girl I find über hot, ja.
    - Eyebrow formation (the ones that look like this ^ ^, hard to explain really).
    - Green eyes.
    - Smooth long hair. Curly is good too though, but long.
    - Well kept hands/feet.
    - Lean musculature.
    - Knows how to dress well. But this is not a biggie for me, really.

    ...Ok, stopped for shallowness . I'll get to the more "personality" qualities later on.

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    physical attractiveness?

    - deep voice
    - dark hair
    - wavy hair
    - broad shoulders
    - tall

    I doubt much of my preferences are type-related, though. Like, I'm tall, so I'm attracted to tall men. And I like masculine characteristics, but that's not unusual.
    It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
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    Let's go to fairyland Minde's Avatar
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    I'll start off with a few general likes/dislikes. Some are perhaps more petty and overcome-able than others. And these are just for people in general, not specifically for romantic interest.

    I don't like it when people:

    - are crude, vulgar, or enjoy such things
    - use ad hominem as a form of argumentation
    - use very poor grammar/spelling, especially in a written context
    - tear other people down for the sole purpose of their own amusement or gratification
    - are unnecessarily harsh or hurtful
    - take personal offense at good intentions
    - attack what or who I like
    - are cruel to animals or children or other innocent (or helpless) beings
    - lie to me or to other people
    - gossip, especially in a slanderous way
    - tease me or other people, especially about sensitive or serious things
    - have strong opinions on things they haven't thought through or experienced
    - use bludgeoning (verbally or otherwise) as a main form of persuasion
    - get in my face or personal space
    - mess with my personal belongings or systems without my permission
    - are duplicitous, as in having different personae


    I like it when people:

    - are forgiving
    - are compassionate
    - are well-spoken, articulate
    - are logical
    - are open to correction
    - have good, well-thought-out reasons for what they believe
    - are willing to sacrifice for good
    - are diligent and hard-working
    - are honest
    - are worthy of my trust
    - demonstrate knowledge on a subject, especially if they have an opinion on it
    - are long-tempered
    - are clean
    - are polite and considerate of others
    - listen to me

    Obviously these are personal likes/dislikes, and it's not comprehensive or ordered in any particular way. And just because someone doesn't live up (or down) to all of them doesn't mean I can't like them or be friends. I might add or qualify more later.
    INFj / EII / FiNe
    ()


    "Fairy Tales are more than true; not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten." - G.K. Chesterton

    "Have courage and be kind." - Cinderella's mom

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    Non-physical things:

    Kind
    Naturally skeptical
    Observant
    Doesn't need constant entertaining
    Makes sure gas is in my car
    It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
    -Mark Twain


    You can't wake a person who is pretending to be asleep.

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    I like people who care about serious things. People who are concerned. People who can have a serious discussion. People who can deal with my wacky sense of humor (it would be nice if someone could get my jokes more than half the time, but then again, I favor being so dry that I might keep people off-balance). People who don't whine and complain. People who try to deal with their emotions constructively (which could mean talking to someone, i.e. me, but with an effort to do something about it and not just put the emotions off on me). People who genuinely want to help me when I need help. People I can ask for help and know they will be reliable.

    Someone who will listen and not correct every little thing I say. Someone who won't judge me as a bad person when I reveal deeply personal things. Someone who is comfortable hearing deep things. Someone calm and not under pressure all the time, and who doesn't exert pressure on me. Someone who is loyal and will defend me. And a big one for romantic relationships:

    Someone who seems strong and deep enough to handle the intensity of my feelings. I don't mean my daily emotions, but how much I care and love them. One of the biggest issues in past relationships has been that I often have the feeling that I feel more strongly about that person than they do about me. It's a special kind of torture, because I don't want to be desperate and so I try to cool and calm because that's how they are, but when I finally show how much I care I don't get the response back that I would like. I want my intensity to be matched, I don't want uneven relations.
    EII
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    Delta NFs are the best lovers.
    ISTp
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cyrano View Post
    Delta NFs are the best lovers.
    How do you know? Tried them all?
    “Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”

    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly
    You've done yourself a huge favor developmentally by mustering the balls to do something really fucking scary... in about the most vulnerable situation possible.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Parkster View Post
    How do you know? Tried them all?

    Two at a time.
    ISTp
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    Enneagram 5 with a side of wings.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cyrano View Post
    Two at a time.
    Threesomes are the best.

    Splendid avatar. (Though I think I kinda liked the previous one even better)
    “Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”

    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly
    You've done yourself a huge favor developmentally by mustering the balls to do something really fucking scary... in about the most vulnerable situation possible.

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    without the nose Cyrano's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Parkster View Post
    Threesomes are the best.

    Splendid avatar. (Though I think I kinda liked the previous one even better)

    Depp would make an excellent Cyrano.
    ISTp
    SLI

    Enneagram 5 with a side of wings.

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    I actually completely agree with your like/dislike list Minde.

    In general, a considerate person who takes other peoples feelings and well-being into regard.
    There is nothing worse, to me, than someone who doesn't care about the impact they have on others

    I also agree with Danielle about desiring people who can engage in serious discussions.
    I find it very annoying and hurtful when you're speaking to someone and they;
    *"Speak over you"
    *Are always waiting for you to finish what you have to say just so they can start talking.
    *Try to turn the discussion towards something else, inappropriately so.
    *Make jokes or rude comments without regard for how you may feel about the topic of discussion.
    *"Confuse" opinions with facts, as in, you are wrong if you like/dislike this or that.
    *Bring a third party into the discussion without asking if you're okay with that.

    Qualities I like (specifically) in a relationship:

    *Responsible
    *Is receptive to my values
    *Helpful
    *Doesn't complain about having to work or do chores, automatically does these things without being told
    *Dislikes gossip
    *Remembers (or tries to) things that are important to me, such as things that I like/dislike. ex: "She doesn't like ___ so I won't make a reservation there"
    *Gives me some space/alone time. Or, at least stays quiet for a bit.
    *Is never late or too early. ex: "8:00 means 8:00, not 8:45 or 7:25".
    *Not vulgar in speech or mannerisms, or at least tries not to be.
    *Dislikes status, i.e. "keeping-up with the Jone's"
    *Faithful
    EII INFj
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    "Not interested in status" is a good one.

    Generally, I like someone to be grounded.
    It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
    -Mark Twain


    You can't wake a person who is pretending to be asleep.

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    As for what attracts me, my friend used to say I always noticed the shy guys hiding in corners, lol. If a guys seems self sufficient that's a big draw too.

    I like someone to be clear about their intentions, a bit quiet and mysterious, a default "calm" personality, adaptable in that they can be open to me randomly wanting to go somewhere/do something and will gladly go along, but they can also stand up for what they want.

    I prefer a guy show some interest, otherwise I'm not going to just walk up and talk to him. He has to put himself out there and take a risk, I respect that. For instance, if a guy has found out about me through a friend, and comes over and talks to me and it's clear he's been gathering info for a while and sorta singled me out, that's cool. I like the initiative. If random guy is loud and "funny" and thinks he is charming, ick. No interest at all.

    I really dislike when someone needs a lot of pats on the back or "omg you're soooo funny! that joke was hilarrrrious!" especially when the joke was NOT hilarious. When someone seems insecure like that or more of a center-stage person who wants a lot of flattery and praise I think "Ick." If someone is not really so obvious about wanting to be center stage or wanting flattery, i like that better. And in that case I'll easily compliment them since I'll actually respect them.

    Respecting them is also a big thing. I don't like people who avoid taking responsibility, for instance who say "eh, that's life" No, that's not life. That's you avoiding taking responsibility.

    Kindness is a big thing. Respecting people's feelings, and people's need for whatever they need (whether or not they agree or want the same things). Helping people out when they can, just because. NOT weighing the pros/cons of helping someone to see what they'll get out of it.

    I also tend to be attracted to guys w/ jobs I would be bad at. Usually more technical/fact-focused jobs. If they have a job I would be good at -- writing, acting, art, people stuff, etc., then I usually am not as interested as it's like, eh, I could do that job too. If I would be horrible at it, I can sort of be more impressed that they can handle it. I really like introverts for this reasons. Guy INFps, ISFps, ISTps, etc. often have technical jobs like that.

    I also like someone who is exciting and spontaneous. I've always liked fast walkers. I like a guy to notice the minute I'm bored and suggest we leave or do something else. I hate just sitting there for too long.

    I also like people who are fairly decisive. Being strong emotionally is important, self-sufficient. It freaks me out to think someone would rely on me for every little thing.

    Also, do some sort of nice little task for me.
    Hi! I'm an ENFP. :-)

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    Jewels, if I were a man, I'd be all you were looking for.

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    How to attract a delta NF ?
    Make very few but meaningful oaths and keep them.
    Build a solid-as-rock, comfortable house.
    Be logical and exacting in everything you do.
    Know your own value.
    Be tolerant.

    But most of all...
    Have a poor understanding of people and be franck, almost abrupt in relationships. That is the most endearing :tongue:

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    Quote Originally Posted by jessica129 View Post
    Jewels, if I were a man, I'd be all you were looking for.
    nice! Despite you not being a man, it really is a nice reminder such people DO in fact exist. I'm glad that my description resonated because that means I am naturally being drawn to dual-ish-ness! I'm not sure why this is reassuring to me, lol, but it is!

    Some of my friends think I have very strange criteria and are like "arrrg...seriouslY? Just date that extrovert dude!" and I'm like "no thanks."

    Now we just need to find identical friends of the opposite sex (easy enough) and then forward them on to each other! lol I did know a cool Fi ENFp paratrooper dude but he doesn't live in the country .
    Hi! I'm an ENFP. :-)

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    Quote Originally Posted by Linalee View Post
    How to attract a delta NF ?
    Make very few but meaningful oaths and keep them.
    Oooh I like this. I want oaths!! And meaningful ones! That'd be awesome

    Can the oaths be accompanied by a meaningful gesture too? wow that'd rock. Speaking of rocks, even if someone gave me some random rock, and it somehow signified something or other that was super important, I would like, keep this dirty ugly rock forever. People would be like "what the heck is that?" and I'd be like "sigh, you just don't understand."

    I now want to receive a meaningful oath and rock/or pebble/etc, and I'm super jealous of anyone who has received something like that.

    Anyone have any fun stories about meaningful things? I will be jealous of you, but in a good way
    Hi! I'm an ENFP. :-)

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    Quote Originally Posted by jewels View Post
    Now we just need to find identical friends of the opposite sex (easy enough) and then forward them on to each other! lol I did know a cool Fi ENFp paratrooper dude but he doesn't live in the country .
    yeah...oddly enough the guy I just broke up with was an istp paratrooper who just left the country also...lol. Hey if you're ever in japan I can hook you up.

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    Quote Originally Posted by jewels View Post
    Oooh I like this. I want oaths!! And meaningful ones! That'd be awesome

    Can the oaths be accompanied by a meaningful gesture too? wow that'd rock. Speaking of rocks, even if someone gave me some random rock, and it somehow signified something or other that was super important, I would like, keep this dirty ugly rock forever. People would be like "what the heck is that?" and I'd be like "sigh, you just don't understand."

    I now want to receive a meaningful oath and rock/or pebble/etc, and I'm super jealous of anyone who has received something like that.

    Anyone have any fun stories about meaningful things? I will be jealous of you, but in a good way
    LOL I am the same way! All of it!

    As for meaningful items: in my office at home I have two wall sconces, each w a glass jar on it. In one glass jar I have some rocks that I got last Autumn when my mom and I took a roadtrip together. In the other are some seashells and pebbles that my brother and friends got for me at the beach. To anyone else, these look like random items, but every time I look at them I think of what they mean to me. And if a guy I was dating gave me something like that, I would treasure it... there's something about these little items with secret meaning attached to them <3

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    Quote Originally Posted by Linalee View Post
    How to attract a delta NF ?
    Make very few but meaningful oaths and keep them.
    Build a solid-as-rock, comfortable house.
    Be logical and exacting in everything you do.
    Know your own value.
    Be tolerant.

    But most of all...
    Have a poor understanding of people and be frank, almost abrupt in relationships. That is the most endearing :tongue:


    Unfortunately, I'm getting better at understanding people and relationships.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ryu View Post


    Unfortunately, I'm getting better at understanding people and relationships.
    Or so you think!
    “Let us forget with generosity those who cannot love us”
    ― Pablo Neruda

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    I think it is hard to put a tag to someone because we tend to end up liking people for who they are, irregardless whether they possess the qualities we admire or not. Rather than going through a list and checking off whether that particular person has that certain qualities or not, I tend to feel attracted by that person's overall package.

    Anyway, I will list down some general traits which I tend to appreciate or dislike:

    Qualities I like in a person:
    - Down-to-earth, fun-loving, tactful, kind, opinionated, intelligent, open to new trends, revolutionary, appreciative, good communication skills, good at coming up with new ideas, ability to not take something too seriously, ability to have fun in anything he does, someone who always look on the bright side of life irregardless of the adversities he faces in life.

    Qualities which I dislike:
    - Too narrow-minded, self-centredness, too attention-seeking just for the sake of been noticed, someone who leads a debauchery lifestyle and does not know how to value himself, someone who does not have his own opinion, someone who is too controlling to the extent that he wants to know everything which you are doing.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Kim View Post
    Or so you think!


    That's another thing that I like: when people really make an effort to improve their dealings with other people, regardless of their actual success. What I don't like is when individuals act like if there's any problem it's the other person's fault, and people are just going to have to accept their rudeness and brashness.
    EII
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    Quote Originally Posted by Linalee View Post
    Have a poor understanding of people and be franck, almost abrupt in relationships. That is the most endearing :tongue:
    I find this to be incredibly adorable in others, although I feel bad for them for being weak in this regard :wink:
    EII INFj
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kim View Post
    Or so you think!
    I'm fine when I can sit down and think about things, but I need a lot of help "in the moment", as my focus is often on non-relational things.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ryu View Post
    I'm fine when I can sit down and think about things, but I need a lot of help "in the moment", as my focus is often on non-relational things.
    But that's a good thing, because someone needs to keep us alive by doing all the "practical" things. We'll take care of the relationship
    EII INFj
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    Quote Originally Posted by Danielle View Post
    I like people who care about serious things. People who are concerned. People who can have a serious discussion. . . . People who genuinely want to help me when I need help. People I can ask for help and know they will be reliable.

    . . . Someone who won't judge me as a bad person when I reveal deeply personal things. Someone who is comfortable hearing deep things. Someone calm and not under pressure all the time, and who doesn't exert pressure on me. Someone who is loyal and will defend me. And a big one for romantic relationships:

    Someone who seems strong and deep enough to handle the intensity of my feelings. I don't mean my daily emotions, but how much I care and love them. One of the biggest issues in past relationships has been that I often have the feeling that I feel more strongly about that person than they do about me. It's a special kind of torture, because I don't want to be desperate and so I try to cool and calm because that's how they are, but when I finally show how much I care I don't get the response back that I would like. I want my intensity to be matched, I don't want uneven relations.
    Couldn't have said it better.

    Quote Originally Posted by Danielle View Post

    What I don't like is when individuals act like if there's any problem it's the other person's fault, and people are just going to have to accept their rudeness and brashness.
    Yep.
    EII

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    Quote Originally Posted by SoapOfSapphire View Post
    LOL I am the same way! All of it!

    As for meaningful items: in my office at home I have two wall sconces, each w a glass jar on it. In one glass jar I have some rocks that I got last Autumn when my mom and I took a roadtrip together. In the other are some seashells and pebbles that my brother and friends got for me at the beach. To anyone else, these look like random items, but every time I look at them I think of what they mean to me. And if a guy I was dating gave me something like that, I would treasure it... there's something about these little items with secret meaning attached to them <3
    this is awesome! I love stuff like that.
    Hi! I'm an ENFP. :-)

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    Quote Originally Posted by jessica129 View Post
    yeah...oddly enough the guy I just broke up with was an istp paratrooper who just left the country also...lol. Hey if you're ever in japan I can hook you up.
    lol, what is with deltas being paratroopers? Wow I'm way curious how two istps would get along. I imagine it might be fun, but guarded and action oriented -- look at all the stereotypes I have in there, right?

    I know when I had an ENFp ex it was fairly ridiculous with all the Ne. At one point I remember we got drunk and I really was curious if we could wear each other's clothing (specifically jeans). I was sorta horrified that he fit in my skinny jeans. lol.
    Hi! I'm an ENFP. :-)

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    It was kinda boring....I wouldn't call it fufulling... I mean I liked the guy but after about an hour I was kinda twidling my thumbs. I think it was 99.9% physical attraction and 1% personality..I enjoyed his stories about jumping out of planes though, ha. We bonded in that way. Well....ok...he'd be a really good friend just not boyfriend.

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    Initiative.

  34. #34
    Pretend like it's the weekend Banana Pancakes's Avatar
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    They seem to like obscure physical features and everything about someone, until they've had a date or two, and then they move to someone else.

    (maybe more IEE than EII)
    ILE-Ti
    6w7 sx/sp (low level of confidence)

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    Quote Originally Posted by Banana Pancakes View Post
    They seem to like obscure physical features and everything about someone, until they've had a date or two, and then they move to someone else.

    (maybe more IEE than EII)
    aw that's so not true. The obscure physical features only grow on us more in time
    Hi! I'm an ENFP. :-)

  36. #36
    Creepy-

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    Kindness; clever wit; a dry sense of humor; loyalty; external coolness; inner warmth; intelligence; honesty; politeness; a sense of adventure....

    Overall strong but gentle; solid but tender.

  37. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by SoapOfSapphire View Post
    Kindness; clever wit; a dry sense of humor; loyalty; external coolness; inner warmth; intelligence; honesty; politeness; a sense of adventure....




    Quote Originally Posted by SoapOfSapphire View Post
    Overall strong but gentle; solid but tender.

    Last edited by Park; 09-04-2009 at 01:53 PM.
    “Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”

    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly
    You've done yourself a huge favor developmentally by mustering the balls to do something really fucking scary... in about the most vulnerable situation possible.

  38. #38
    Creepy-

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